Original subtitles

COMEDIAN: Well, uh, how are you folks doing?

[people cheer and applaud]

You guys are ready to go?

You guys are looking good.

You got a lot of cocktails going on there.

Cool, cool. Nice tattoo.

I see a lot of tattoos.

Tattoos are big.

Anyone have a special tattoo they would like to talk about?

[scattered cheers]

You got one of your buttocks.

Oh.

Thank you for going for the formal word,

'cause we don't want to say "butt" after I've said "fuck"

all night.

You know?

Oh yes, I do have a marking on my posterior.

[laughter]

Later we'll have intercourse.

[phones ringing]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

So, um, I used to read a Dr. Seuss book as a kid.

Round of applause.

[applause]

Yeah, they were great books.

They were great books.

I, uh-- I know I'm kind of dating myself.

But, uh, you know, I don't mind dating myself,

because, you know, I filled out.

But, uh--

[laughter]

I don't know.

Men, women, gay, straight.

You know we're all fucked.

[cheers and laughter]

A lot of fucking going on.

MAN 1 (ON TV): Do you feel as though as there's no way out?

Is your personal life and your professional life

being affected by your addiction?

Are you hiding from your problems

behind alcohol and drugs?

Well, at Health Corps, there's still hope.

Remember, at Health Corps, there's always hope.

MAN 2 (ON TV): Check out the action

at High Performance Auto Sales.

Backs, spoilers, and outrageous custom auto--

JACK: Hey, Max.

Hey.

So did you eat anything for dinner?

No, I was expecting your call.

How was your day?

OK.

No.

No.

A little bit.

A little bit.

[snorting]

Mm!

[inaudible] takes care of you.

Some stray animal that follows me home.

I missed you.

I'll make you lose--

Mm-hm-hmm!

You understand?

I needed to sleep, just like you're

tired now because you worked the same amount of hours today.

Right, but see, look how much more sense we'd make

if there was something here.

Then we could both just go to bed

so we wouldn't have to be all beat tomorrow

and you wouldn't have to sleep all throughout

We were away from the house the same amount of time.

I know we were away from the house the same amount of time.

But you still have this window, this daylight hour thing

were you have a truck.

Just because it's daylight doesn't mean

I don't need to take a nap.

Right, but think about it.

If we actually had food in the house,

you wouldn't be all beat.

You wouldn't be running around now to get some food and drink

beers and be up late again and get up

at 4:30 again and go to work, and then come home

and fucking sleep.

[passionate moans]

Oh, carino.

Mm!

Mm!

[moaning]

Come for mami.

Oh!

Uh!

[both panting]

Oof.

[speaking spanish]

OK, dried clam broth.

That's disgusting.

You know what?

Get-- get some fucking V8.

It's from Mox Inc. It's from Stamford, Connecticut.

Forget it.

I drank Clamato off a girl's body once.

I dumped it all over her ass.

I told her I was Italian so she'd go out with me.

-You told her-- -She's Puerto Rican.

She doesn't even know what a Jew is.

They don't have Jews in Puerto Rico.

She sees my name.

She's like, Leibowitz?

That's not-- that doesn't sound Italian.

I'm like, it's, um, Leibowitz-pitz.

It's northern Italian.

Bought it.

No.

[both laugh]

No way.

I just want to know that I'm attractive.

I want you to tell me that I'm attractive so that--

That's what you want?

Yeah, I what you to tell me that I'm attractive.

Look at you.

You're-- you're like an Adonis.

You're lovely.

Is this-- is this OK? 'Cause I think this shirt goes.

It's fabulous, yeah.

There you go.

That's all I wanted to know.

Only women do this.

When they talk about sexy, they have to bring up intelligent.

MAXINE: Doesn't it help that that person

has some intelligence, just like a hair of intelligence?

No.

No, it doesn't.

Intelligence is nothing.

I don't care how smart they are.

What, are you calling me stupid?

-No. -Yeah, thank you.

Right? -I'm saying--

Well, I think that's what you were saying.

DAVID: I'm saying it has nothing to do with now.

Why do you have to be like that? REBECCA: Be like what?

DAVID: Can you back me up?

No, I don't-- I-- I don't want to back you up,

because I think you're wrong.

I just don't understand how dumb and sexy

can ever be one in the same thing, 'cause they're not.

DAVID: Why does not intelligent have to mean dumb?

You have to be smart to have a decent attitude

and a personality.

If you're stupid, it doesn't carry anything.

But if you have a nice ass, does

that mean you have a high IQ?

[laughter]

Oh my god.

How do you make these connections?

JACK: No, just because you have a nice ass

doesn't mean you're sexy.

So if a woman had a cute ass but she didn't have any teeth

and she had a big eye in the middle of her forehead,

would she be sexy?

It's just the whole package.

You know what women want?

Women want this.

REBECCA: (DISGUSTED) Oh, David.

[music playing]

Yeah.

He's had a lot of different girlfriends

who aren't usually so comfortable with his "all

in one place."

They got very jealous.

It's cool.

But I don't think he's really all over the place.

Oh, no, no.

I just-- it's the way he is, the way

he's-- how he's off talking, and you're fine with it.

It's good.

Yeah.

Listen to that.

Just listen to that word, "Cabernet."

It's a classy word.

You see, I'm the one who knew what it was.

MAXINE: Do you want-- do you want to head out?

JACK: Yeah, it's about time.

You're going to take off?

MAXINE: Yeah, I've got to still work tomorrow after all those--

OK, well, I'll see you guys.

MAXINE: Yeah, thanks for coming.

Where did David--

See ya.

All right.

Bye, Jack.

It's for you.

So you had fun tonight?

Yes, I did.

You did?

It wasn't so bad.

No, not bad at all.

Thanks for sucking it up and indulging me.

No problem.

OK.

That's good.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Cheers.

Cheers.

[chuckles]

JACK: David and his fucking pedestrian Styrofoam peanuts.

You know, he-- it's-- this-- this isn't-- fuck,

it's not bubble wrap.

It's this beautiful fucking adjective.

You know what, Jack?

I guarantee you fucking David is not looking in the dictionary

right now, because--

That-- that's where you're wrong, Max.

He would have looked this up fucking 10 minutes ago--

MAXINE: Bullshit.

--as soon as he fucking got home.

MAXINE: Fucking David doesn't even have a fucking

dictionary, all right? -Oh.

If he does, he would look it up.

But "excelsior-- adjective/interjection.

Higher, always upward.

Used as a motto, as on the New York State seal."

Good for you.

You are fucking right.

JACK: Fuck, it's also a noun.

I'm going to bed.

"Used for packing breakable things or as stuffing

in some furniture."

REBECCA: Hey, monkey, what are you doing?

I'm checking my teeth.

REBECCA: [laughs]

Come on.

[clears throat]

Yeah?

You miss me?

Yeah, come on, baby.

[giggles]

I miss you too.

I'm late. -That's all right.

I know I'm late.

Mwah. -I'm used to waiting.

How are you?

That's the nicest thing that happened to me all day.

[chatter]

Uh, all the way down here.

Take it all the way around the counter.

All right.

You know, this is a very special order.

Rye bread, corned beef, chopped liver.

It's my favorite sandwich.

You're the only person I trust to make it for me.

[laughs]

This guy's a genius.

See?

Look at that chopped liver.

MAXINE: I'm looking.

DAVID: Look at that meat.

MAXINE: I'm not loving, I'm looking

DAVID: I come here once a month for my corned beef.

MAXINE: That is definitely where we differ.

She's amazing.

Thank you.

She's like one of those people that you-- you sleep with them,

and then you feel like, uh, you don't have to have

sex again for at least a day.

You know what I'm saying?

[chuckles]

I-- you know, I don't know what you're saying.

I wish I did know what you were saying.

Uh, this is separate, right?

Separate?

Separate?

MAXINE: Um, sure.

You're a crazy motherfucker.

No, I'm not crazy.

Well, no, you're not crazy.

I'm not the one that watches basketball.

You know, I mean, you guys sit around watching

basketball together.

To me, that's sick.

I like basketball.

DAVID: Oh, Bulls.

And do you know all their names?

MAXINE: Because they don't have a superstar.

I know a lot of their names, yes.

So you're an irrational jingoist?

MAXINE: You're so absurd.

You practice irreverent patriotism to some team.

No, it's enjoying the game.

It's exciting to see a group of people playing well together

and see someone go out and then make a great shot

and be a part of a team.

DAVID: With you sitting there like a rabid lunatic

on the side cheering for them.

I'm not a rabid lunatic.

You've never-- no.

DAVID: Can I tell you something?

I like being around you, a couple.

You guys are like my parents.

MAXINE: Do not compare me to your mother.

It's just funny that you have this idea

of what couples should be.

Yet you do everything you can not to be

a part of one of these couple.

And yet you idealize me and Jack as--

as being something so perfect.

DAVID: Maybe.

We're clearly not anything perfect.

DAVID: Not perfect.

No, we're far from perfect.

MAN 1: Can you imagine this?

We're at this strip joint, OK?

And there's 50 cops there, all packing a piece

and they're all slashed.

MAN 2: Get out.

MAN 1: Yeah.

So anyway, there's this stripper on stage, OK?

And they throw this guy on stage.

Name's Chris.

MAN 2: The time of his life.

Stripper takes him, pantses him, and deep-throats him

right there.

Are you serious?

Yeah, right there on his face.

This is a really foxy babe, you know?

I offered to go first.

[laughs]

And he said, OK.

[cheers and applause]

I'm fortunate today.

I'm happy to be here.

But I'm leaving you.

Give us a hand for Mr. Tommy Barbie.

[cheers and applause]

[inaudible].

Yeah.

With that shirt, it's kinda hard to tell.

I mean, come on, let's face it.

Where did you get that?

You don't like it.

Do we have some fucking dress code that I don't know about?

No, I mean, I just want to know-- you know, I mean,

I don't know.

I mean, I might want to make curtains with that.

It's trippy.

How about a new tie?

Maybe you should make a new fucking tie.

This is a nice tie.

Don't even kid around about the tie.

Most of the women I've dated are from Pluto-- you know,

distant and cold.

But, uh--

[laughter]

You're absolutely right.

Well, I feel like you're trying to imply that, you know, like,

you're gonna turn around and I'm gonna fuck

you up the ass or something.

David, come on.

You'd do that to me?

No, I have better taste.

Ouch.

See, you just hurt me.

You hurt me, you know?

This is-- I don't need this.

I get this kind of aggravation from-- from women.

I get this kind of aggravation from my girlfriend.

I don't need this.

I cannot even believe you even dare call her your girlfriend.

I'm in love.

You're in love?

I love her very much.

You're in love with-- David, you--

you're trying to pick up these women that where just

here today.

What do you mean, girlfriend?

Hi, monkey.

Hi.

How are ya?

All right. How about you?

Miss me?

What's the matter? -Nothing.

I'm fine.

I'm just- a little surprised to see you here.

Well, I want to-- I want to surprise you.

It worked.

I ordered a pizza too.

Oh, you ordered a pizza?

Yeah.

Great.

I was tired.

And I wanted to get well.

That--

Do you want me to go?

I said I'd see you on Friday.

Well, do you want-- I'll go.

No, no.

You ordered a pizza, right? -Yeah.

You want to pick it up?

It's delivered.

Awesome.

I'm gonna take a shower, OK?

[shower running]

David?

Are you OK?

DAVID: What?

Well, can I come in?

D-David.

DAVID: What?

Heh.

Um, are you sure you're OK?

DAVID: I'm fine.

I told you, I am perfect.

I just need to fucking clean up.

All right, will you-- OK.

Do you want me to go?

'Cause I'll go if you want me to go.

DAVID: I don't want you to go.

I swear to God, I don't want you to go.

Just let me take a shower, OK?

All right.

[clears throat]

[stammers]

What?

I asked you for my key back because I should

have never gave it to you.

[scoffs]

And I don't want you to get upset, because it's not--

-No. -It's not you.

I'm not asking for it back.

I'm not upset.

'Cause of you, I'm saying I want it back because--

-No, I'm fine. -I fucked up.

I'm a jerk. -OK.

And I don't want you to be mad at me.

That's fine, that's fine.

That's fine.

I'll just be on my merry way.

Here. [keys clatter]

See? Now you're mad.

-No, I'm not mad. -Oh, you're not mad?

I'm not mad.

I'm just gonna get my stuff and go on my way here.

I mean, I wish you had just-- I wish you told me about this

before, you know?

As if this is just--

What happened is you've never broken into my house before.

I didn't break into your house.

Well, now you have to.

No, OK.

It's fine.

Goodbye.

Look, I'm sorry.

Don't bother me.

[brushes teeth]

Jack, you getting up?

You gettin' up?

[mutters]

Two rabbis are sitting on a park bench in New York.

Hey, Max.

DAVID: The first rabbi says, what

the hell is wrong with you?

You're normally a happy guy.

You look like someone died.

The rabbi says, my son, he's married a Catholic.

And--

I need to talk to you.

DAVID: --he has become a Catholic.

The rabbi, at this point, says, I understand.

My son has left the faith and become Protestant.

Just then, God parts the sky, reaches down from Heaven

and says, hey, tell me about it.

[laughs]

Right.

DAVID: Tommy told me this joke, and--

MAXINE: I need to talk to you.

OK.

I'm leaving.

I'm moving to California.

I got this job at work.

And I applied for it about a month ago.

And I didn't think I was going to get it, and I did.

And I'm moving to California.

I mean, if you want to come with me, that's great.

But, um, I'm going.

I'm gonna go.

MAXINE: OK.

You're barely even fucking reacting.

I mean, I'm moving across the country and leaving.

I'm gone.

I'm gonna take this with me.

MAXINE: I can't believe you're saying

absolutely fucking nothing.

I'm leaving.

I'm moving.

You didn't think there was a point to tell me sooner?

MAXINE: No, I didn't think there was a point to tell you sooner,

'cause if I didn't get it, then I'd

be going through this bullshit for nothing.

There's no point to go through all this

for absolutely nothing.

But now I'm going, because I fucking need to go.

And-- and I'm not gonna not go.

I'm not.

[ICE CREAM TRUCK CHIMING IN DISTANCE]

[knock on door]

JACK: It's Jack.

So?

You talked?

She talked.

She's leaving.

She-- she says she's leaving.

DAVID: So she's leaving you?

She says a lot of things.

So when is she going on this, uh-- this vacation or whatever?

As soon as I give her the money.

DAVID: She hasn't left yet.

If she hasn't left yet, then why is she gonna leave, you know?

If-- if you can prevent her from leaving--

JACK: She hasn't left yet, because I haven't

given her the fucking money.

I haven't emptied my bank account into hers.

You think that's all she wants?

You think that's all she wants, the money?

She's been living with you for God knows how long so finally

one day she says she's leaving and gets,

you know, a little money from you?

She has no fucking idea what she's doing,

what she's fucking taken away.

She has absolutely no clue.

I'm supposed to, like, make up some kind of ambition

so I can be on the same fucking wavelength as her or something.

I'm with her in the same fucking apartment.

And I couldn't fucking-- I couldn't

get that through-- I could-- I kept telling her-- I'm right--

I was right here.

You know?

And then just-- and she-- she just

keeps fucking criticizing me.

And, you know, I wanted to fucking sock her.

Bu instead I just fucked up my security deposit

by putting my hand through the fucking drywall--

through the drywall.

You know, you can yell all you want, you know?

I mean, I've yelled at people who get angry.

But you can't fucking-- I mean, it's like, it's not

something I have to tell you.

It's just something you learn when you're a little kid,

you know, I mean, I understand you're upset.

But, I mean, you can't-- you got to calm down.

You got to talk to her.

You know what I mean?

I mean, you-- just-- you can't fucking even

threaten to do shit like that.

It's just not right.

You're right.

You're right.

OK.

DAVID: I'm sorry about this, man.

Now, I mean, you can stay here as long as you want.

But I really think you should go back--

I'll go back.

I mean, I-- I mean that.

I mean, I've-- you don't have to go.

I'm here.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And I'm just fucking sitting around trying

to take a nap anyways.

It doesn't fucking matter.

But I think when you-- you should go there,

and you should try to calmly say whatever you have to say.

All right.

All right.

All right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Grab-- Can you grab that door?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[knock on door]

[frantic knocking]

Hold on a minute.

Hey.

Hey.

Come on in.

You all right?

I'm not all right.

OK, I know.

I know you're not all right.

I mean, how bad are you?

So you talked to Jack?

He came over.

The last think I really ever fucking intended to do

was destroy his life.

And that's all it feels like I'm doing right now.

But you know what?

I can't stick around and be with somebody who absolutely wants

nothing to do with me at all.

And I fucking-- 'cause he doesn't fucking listen to me.

You didn't see him, Dave.

You didn't see him knocking our shit around.

You didn't see him so angry at me.

I just-- I need to go off and do my own thing.

I can't be here anymore.

All right.

I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry.

Come on, just-- just calm-- I mean,

just try to calm down, OK?

MAXINE: Thanks for understanding.

I'm sorry I've been so stupid.

[maxine chuckles]

I just-- I care about you guys a lot.

MAXINE: I know.

I know you do.

MAXINE: I know, I know, I know.

I know you do.

I don't care about a lot of people, to be honest.

I'm not a nice person.

MAXINE: Yes, you are.

You're nicer thank you look.

DAVID: I am?

Yeah.

(CHUCKLING) You're nicer than you look.

DAVID: Don't tell anybody.

[laughs]

Is that a secret?

[sighs]

I just don't want to know that I'm destroying his life.

DAVID: You're not destroying his life.

You are doing what you needed to do.

And he'll be all right.

I'll take care of him.

[giggles]

DAVID: I'll take care of him.

Yeah, don't laugh.

[chuckles]

Thanks.

I know you will.

DAVID: I think we should let him cool off.

I think you should stay here tonight.

[laughs]

You should-- you sleep on the bed.

I'll sleep on the-- the chaise longue.

MAXINE: Chaise longue?

Thank you, David.

You're welcome.

You're tired, right?

Yeah.

I'm tired.

Um, you want me to turn off this light?

Yeah, that'd be great.

DAVID: Good night.

Good night.

Thanks.

Where's David?

CLUB OWNER: He's in the back room.

I'm your funny man.

That's why I should get a Friday night, David.

I should get a Friday night. I deserve--

Why do you-- why?

I'm trying to do my work.

Why do you come and you ask me?

Do I own this place?

No, that's fine.

DAVID: Why don't you talk to the owner?

He doesn't like me.

It's not that he doesn't like you.

He just doesn't think you're funny.

CLUB OWNER: David!

That's-- it's not-- do you see where there's a conflict?

If he owns a comedy club, he doesn't think I'm funny?

David, you know it's funny.

You know I'm all about the funny.

The owner thinks Rezy's funny.

He puts him on stage.

Yeah, he likes him.

I like him.

I don't understand.

I mean, he's terrible.

All the other comics hate him.

The guy doesn't even know what the flashlight's all about.

He has no idea what the light means.

Now, tell him to watch the light.

DAVID: No one else cares about the flashlight.

That's how they get off stage.

God forbid, I would love to be able to do

a nice weekend night.

But until then, I'm hosting, all right?

It's my responsibility, all right?

The other comics, they know when I flash the light they get up.

I tell Rezy about the light.

He looks to me and goes, like, the only light I

respect is the light-- -What do you want?

-The light of God. -What do you want?

What do you want?

What can I do to help you?

CLUB OWNER: David!

I'm thinking I call in sick on Thursday.

Or I asked this guy, what do you want?

What can I do you?

Let's settle this right now.

COMEDIAN: OK, it's--

I give up.

[music playing]

Everything looks good out there.

What I need is, I need to leave for, like, two hours.

And I promise, I will-- I'll stay late.

CLUB OWNER: No.

I'll do what--

CLUB OWNER: If I left for two hours,

you don't get paid tomorrow.

See, I know that.

And that's why I'm-- I'm asking you.

I'm not-- if you don't want me to go, I won't go.

But I'm gonna be very sad, and I'm not gonna be able to--

It's 5:30 now.

Get back here by 7:30.

We need you here at a half an hour before the club opens.

DAVID: I'll be here. -I got to have you.

All right. Just go.

DAVID: That's OK?

-Go. -Thank you.

You always do this for me.

CLUB OWNER: All right, all right.

Thank you. CLUB OWNER: Go, go.

Go, go, go, go.

I want to know how much I appreciate it, though.

CLUB OWNER: Go.

Thank you.

He was, like, pulling people off each other, going, stop it!

Oh, god.

[laughs]

JACK: That's pretty funny.

Yeah.

Yeah, so, uh, I think David and I

are gonna get a place together.

Oh.

JACK: Probably, like, a little further west.

Rent's cheaper.

REBECCA: That's great.

Yeah.

[child shouting in distance]

Move, you son of a bitch.

[chuckles]

You know, this is your special couch.

I don't want to hurt it.

So, uh, I don't mean to pry.

But, now, uh, you know, we're, like, roommates now.

So, uh, I want to know if, uh, you're ever gonna get laid.

You know what I'm saying?

Because I've tried to set you up.

Yeah, I know you have.

And yeah, you know?

And I took a lot of my time.

And I really appreciate it.

Hey.

All Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Got some interesting stuff over here.

Especially like-- like this.

This is nice.

(HISPANIC ACCENT) Si, senor.

Give me your love, baby.

Uh-huh.

Come on, you love that.

Yeah, it's good.

-You're mad. -I'm not.

I'm not mad. -No, you're mad.

It's just-- it's none of your business, you know?

I'm sorry.

OK?

I'm sorry.

I just-- I-- I want you to get laid.

I want you to be a normal person.

I want you to go out and meet people and have sex.

I don't want you sitting in your room,

you know, reading trashy novels like an old lady.

But normal-- normal people-- normal people

don't have sex every day with a different woman.

That's where you're wrong.

That's where you're wrong.

But I'm sorry nonetheless.

-OK. -All right?

Yeah.

[music playing from club]

All right, we got to go.

Come on.

Come on.

Bye.

[opera music]

DAVID: I'm making gravy.

You got red gravy over here.

What it is, is once the meat mixes with the red,

then we've got red gravy.

The agony about boiling the water

is finding the amount of time to boil the water.

You have to know to just put a little bit of olive oil.

You see?

I should have my own cooking show.

I'm really good at this stuff.

You make people are very, very aggravated

if you call it a gravy sauce.

Now you can go home for your mama's gravy and--

David.

DAVID: What?

You're a Jew.

What are you trying to say?

JACK: Leibowitz.

I'm saying you're-- you're Jewish.

You're not from Sicily.

Don't lick the spoon.

DAVID: What?

See?

I'm not pretending anything.

There's no pretending into my identity.

But I know this, OK?

I lived among them.

And I'm like Tarzan.

Right.

You know.

JACK: So the Italians are apes?

Yeah, they are.

Have you ever hung out with any Italians?

They are a bunch of fucking apes.

I'm sure.

JACK: Believe me, I know I'm a Jew, every day.

And you remind others around you every day.

[indistinct tv chatter]

These are really-- very good.

-Is it? -Yeah.

Is it?

You want more?

No, I'm fine.

You have more.

[saw whirring]

[distant hammering]

[train rumbling]

[music playing]

[quiet moaning]

[laughter]

This is really all I have.

[laughter]

So that's why I-- I feel--

You look really nice.

Thanks.

DAVID: To what do I owe this great pleasure?

Just stopping by.

What'd you do today?

Nothing.

You, uh, you want to do something later?

Do you want to-- I mean, is that what this is about?

Yeah.

Yeah, I want to do something.

DAVID: I got to-- I'm gonna go in the back.

Give me, like-- give me, like, 20 minutes.

Give me 20, 30 minutes.

I'm gonna go in the back.

I'm gonna get the receipts together.

So if he comes in tomorrow-- he's setting up the bar,

you know?

He left-- he left--

OK.

20 minutes.

(BRITISH ACCENT) Hello, sir.

How are you, sir?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, yes.

The world upside-down.

Oh!

Oh, right, the game.

[mumbling] Good evening.

All right, again.

Upside-down world!

[groans]

Bleh.

All right.

That's where that came from?

I thought it was a guy on the [inaudible].

Do you know where the hand truck came from?

[chatter]

Horse changed the history of warfare.

Um, prior to--

Did the Romans have horses?

They did, of course.

The chariots.

But what happened-- what happened in North America

was the-- the warfare became very ritual.

And the whole story was about trying to capture the prince.

You capture the aristocracy.

And then you bring them home, and you torture them

and kill them at home.

But there was no killing of civilians or anything

like that.

So it was a very contained and very highly codified

way of doing this controlled violence on people.

Suddenly you have this embodiment of the enemy.

In my work, um, it's always the thing that gives me the most

pleasure to be able to deal with materials in a really

honest and direct way.

And I have a difficult time doing that.

Usually I'm very distanced from it because of the design

aspect of the things that I do.

And I suppose you don't have that.

There's-- there's-- there are-- there are

plenty of things in the world.

I'm not interested in making more things, more objects.

MAN: What are you interested in making?

Well, I-- I suppose what I focus on-- I--

I keep a rather, uh-- just a tail journal.

But, I mean, at that, the only function

it has is completely self-serving for myself,

you know?

Do you have any sense that this writing, these things that you

do will eventually go out in the world,

even though you just do it for yourself now?

I--

That you could mine that material, or--

I-- I-- I wouldn't-- I'm not really--

I'm not comfortable with that.

I'm assuming for yourself, there's

no separation between what you do to pay the bills

or what your art is.

Well, I try to.

I try to defeat that separation.

I think the world around us always makes us kind

of put things in compartments.

But my interest is infusing those things

and bringing them together and actually finding

a dynamic that occurs when you squish them together like that.

And I also think that, you know, you

do these things for yourself.

But ultimately, you know, you don't live by yourself.

You're living as part of a-- a human matrix.

And eventually, that stuff that you do as your own work

becomes work for all of us.

Have you ever thought about, uh, a family?

I-- I have two daughters.

And a wife.

And I enjoyed being with you.

I enjoyed talking with you.

And I am intrigued by your inability to compromise.

I've found this compartmentalization of the--

of my life-- my family, my work, my art, my men--

to be very difficult to balance.

I need, uh, someone I could talk to about that, Jack.

Let's see you again.

Uh, OK.

MAN: Will you call me?

Yeah.

MAN: Here's my card.

I have a service, 24 hours a day.

I'll take a message.

Always available for you.

I have a boat.

We can go fishing, maybe spend a weekend.

OK.

MAN: Call me, Jack.

I-- I will.

I will.

[music playing]

[tv chatter]

DAVID: So how was your day today?

What?

DAVID: I said, how was your day today?

Just fine.

DAVID: Yeah?

Yeah.

I had a great day too.

JACK: Heh.

How's life at the club?

It was great.

Tommy actually made me laugh for real for the first time today.

I mean, on stage, not, like, looking at him.

So, uh, you know, what'd you do today?

Did you, uh-- did you go out after work at all, or--

JACK: No, I've been here.

I'm just wondering if you, you know,

went out with any-- you know, anyone today.

Like one of my ex-girlfriends, like

Rebecca or something like that.

No, I didn't talk to her today.

DAVID: Oh, you didn't talk, huh?

You know, I was just wondering, you know,

if you're gonna sex with her, like, in front of me.

You know?

Now that you're sleeping with her.

What the fuck are you talking about?

DAVID: No, I mean, it's-- I don't mind.

I think it's great.

In fact, I wanted to know, you know, like, how you do it.

Do you, like, you know, maybe-- 'cause when I dated her,

it was pretty boring.

It was pretty sex, actually.

I'm just wondering if you, like, bent her over and dipped

her head in butter and rolled her in dough or something,

you know?

I don't know.

I mean, something (CHUCKLING) that you, you know, enjoy.

I mean, because I want you to be happy,

because you don't have sex with anyone else.

I just wanted you to-- you know.

You know, I'm just-- I'm happy for you.

Because, you know--

David.

I'm not fucking Rebecca.

It's right there under your chin.

Are you just, like, not believing me.

(MOUTH FULL) I don't believe you.

What do you want me to say?

I don't believe you.

I've seen you out together.

You know what?

Believe--

You're all over her?

I'm all over her?

Yeah, you're all over her.

Been touching her hair and sitting there.

You know if I'm wrong?

It's not my fault I'm wrong, because you're the one that

doesn't talk to me about it.

It's-- I'm-- I'm--

You're what?

Look, I had-- I had this reservation because I don't-- I

don't-- the-- the gravity of-- of the things has--

has to do with me.

It doesn't really have to do with us.

And I'm sorry that our relationship

has suffered from it.

What?

I-- I haven't-- I haven't--

Word up. Tell me.

Tell me what you want to tell me.

I-- I haven't let-- let you in on-- on what I've been doing,

because I'm--

Because you're what?

[sighs]

No, tell me, 'cause I'd like to know.

Because I'm not sure about your reaction.

I-- what-- whatever.

Whatever.

No, if you're doing something, I want to know about it,

especially it's of something I think--

OK, OK, David, David.

Please, I--

I fuck men.

I-- I sleep with men.

And-- and-- and men fuck me.

It's-- and it's-- and-- I mean-- I mean,

it's-- it's totally separate from you and I. I mean,

this is-- it-- it's something that I know that

I've always wanted it, but I haven't let myself want it,

you know?

I mean, I'm-- I'm still the person that you'd known.

DAVID: When did this-- when did this happen?

That's--

You're having sex with men.

Well, what did I-- what did I just say?

So that means you're not gonna help me pick up women anymore?

No, I-- I'll-- I'll still help you-- help you get laid, man.

You'll be my lookout?

Yeah.

I'll be your hunch.

So yeah.

So this is--

Don't worry about it.

It's the same, right?

Just like anything else.

You haven't-- you haven't been down to the club this week.

Uh, there's a new-- there's a new kid from Ohio.

Heh.

Everyone's from Ohio or Indiana or something like that.

Really?

I, um-- I just wanted-- it would be nice for once to have,

like ,a regular thing, you know?

[chuckles]

You know what I mean?

This isn't Europe, you know?

I don't want to, like, uh, meet in the afternoon for coffee

and then, you know, be outta here before, you know,

Mr. Whoever gets home.

Is that just-- is that insane?

Is that just the craziest idea in the world for us

to-- to be normal?

To be like, a-- you know?

What is normal, David?

I don't know.

What do you think normal-- I think people that go out

at night with each other and don't

care what anyone else thinks or who's gonna see them or-- hey.

David, you think too much.

No, I don't think too much.

Yeah, David, you do.

Come here.

Come here.

What?

I'm not sleeping with anyone else.

That's nice.

Oh God, this is [inaudible].

I'll break my peanut free.

Just try.

I bite my thumb at you.

Whatever.

[elevator whirring]

So what are you up to now?

I don't have any plans.

How about yourself?

I'm supposed to meet somebody.

But, um, I don't know.

You want to get a beer?

Yeah.

Do you feel like you're moving on,

or are you still in the midst of dealing with that relationship?

No, I'm in the midst of moving on, you know?

Right. Right.

Good.

Are you gonna-- are you gonna start dating?

No.

No. CARLOS: Really?

Wow.

Well, I wouldn't-- I mean, I've kind of-- I've become active.

CARLOS: Have you dating?

But I wouldn't really-- yeah, I wouldn't call them dates.

But, uh--

CARLOS: Get with it?

Yeah.

Um--

CARLOS: What do you mean?

Well, I-- I've just-- I've just been, you know, meeting people.

But we don't really--

Oh yeah?

What would you call them then?

Well, I know--

Sorry to hotbox the cherry there.

Oh, it's OK.

That's what it's for.

So you've been having some-- some casual encounters,

you'd say?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Although they're--

That's cool.

I mean, that can be really liberating.

JACK: They're actually kind of formal, because there's kinda,

like a set way to go about it.

But, uh--

What do you mean?

JACK: Uh--

-You've been-- -I don't know.

- --looking in the classifieds? -If-- if you're--

I'm sorry. Let me--

If you're-- you're wondering, it's, uh--

I've-- I've-- I've been seeing men.

It's not--

Really?

Yeah, I'm--

Wow.

I--

Because I-- I mean, I was wondering--

-Really? - --if that was your preference.

Oh yeah.

Very much so.

You-- you might have noticed me wondering.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

I-- I thought I-- I thought I had it.

Well, I mean, for me, uh, a lot of times in knowing-- knowing

that that was what it was about, you know,

somebody who is just really, you know,

all about the-- the viscera and the-- the engagement

of the physical contact.

If you know that, then that's as far as, you know,

you take yourself.

Is this-- is this OK to talk about?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean-- I have-- I haven't-- I

haven't talked about it before.

But, you know--

CARLOS: Yeah.

It's a little difficult to begin talking about.

Yeah.

It's OK though.

Do you want to kiss me?

Yeah.

I-- you know what?

I don't know.

Not now.

It's all right.

Ah.

I don't-- I don't-- I don't think you're gonna-- hmm.

You're not-- you're not gonna--

[sighs]

No, I will.

But-- I mean, I-- I-- I-- I thought a lot about it.

And I know that I'm-- I'm-- I'm-- I'm right.

I mean, I know it's-- I-- I know I'm being, like,

you know, honest with myself.

Which is-- you know, which you always wanted, right?

So-- uh-huh.

[sniffles]

Um, I wanted to-- to tell you that, um-- like, you know, I

mean, it's been-- like, a lot-- a lot of-- a lot of stuff

has brought it on.

But, you know--

[breathes hard]

My god.

A lot of things have, uh-- um--

[fighting back tears]

--made me--

[sobs] No, I know.

I know.

Right, right.

OK, OK.

Um--

So I'm, uh--

I'm-- I'm gay.

And-- and I don't-- I-- I don't want-- like,

it's nothing like it has-- I mean, it really has nothing

to-- to do with-- with you.

But I just wanted to tell you, because, you know,

I-- I fucking-- I love you.

And I don't--

[weeping]

Yeah.

[crying]

OK.

Fuck, Mom.

Mom, I fucking love you with all my heart.

OK.

All right.

Yeah.

No, I-- OK.

Goodbye.

You've helped me a lot lately, David.

How's the sandwich?

DAVID: It's all right.

It's all right?

Good.

David, I don't bring you over here to eat my food.

It's just a sandwich.

Did you at least wash my dishes, huh?

What did you bring me over here for?

What do you think I'd bring you over here for?

You know perfectly well while you're here.

Simple enough task, and you can't even do it.

It's about that?

WOMAN: Yeah, it's about that.

I care about you.

Well, that's all very nice, David, but you're--

I ate your sandwich because I like you.

[chuckles]

What does that mean?

DAVID: Come on.

Come on what, David?

I really care about you.

I love you, all right?

You know? Fine.

You want me to say it?

I want you to dump your boyfriend.

I want you to be with me, all right?

I want-- I want to be a couple.

[laughs incredulously]

You love me?

Yeah, I love you.

You love me?

I love you.

Fuck you, you love me.

Where do you get off coming over here

and telling me that, David?

I don't need to hear this.

It's true.

Come here.

I don't need to deal with this shit.

I really don't.

[soft grunting]

You know, a got a couple irons in the fire.

You talking about the sitcom?

Yeah.

OK, you guys will appreciate this.

Why?

This is something we're targeting for-- for you guys.

All right, here it is.

We're the market group?

Tommy is gonna play an ex-Marine--

Yeah.

--who has to go back to the Marine

Corps for just six months to fulfill his active duty.

It's like a technicality.

The paperwork got dropped.

Here's the twist.

He is gay.

He's become gay.

And he can't-- he can't say anything about it.

It's called "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

I've heard this, like, six times.

Yeah, it's--

I can't believe Carlos hasn't heard it.

How often do I have everyone--

I think he's got the gist.

Give him a little scene.

Give him a little scene.

Give him an example.

(IN CHARACTER) God damn it.

Who rearranged my desk drawer?

Do you have anything to say, Private?

(IN CHARACTER) Well, yeah, it was me, Sergeant.

But all your socks were in the wrong area.

And your underwear needs to be over in the underwear section.

The whole thing has no order to it.

Are you--

Hey, don't ask, don't tell.

[both laugh]

Oh, very good.

Lovely. -Jeff, come on.

You don't have to go.

No, I'll see you later.

Really-- really fucking funny.

Hey, see you, Carlos.

I'll see you guys later.

You know, if you guys don't like it,

we can change the name. "Homo Pyle, USMC."

How about that?

Huh?

I just--

You want to know whether I'm fucking other men?

You want to have an assurance that I'm not?

Yes.

I want to have an assurance that you're not, that you're not--

Then-- OK.

Then if-- if I'm not fucking other men,

I assume you're asking me that because you don't want

to be fucking anybody else.

No, I don't.

And then-- and then what is that?

You're asking for a commitment.

It's a contract.

And what is a contract?

What is a vow except for something to be-- to be broken?

I'm-- I'm just frightened that it's-- that it's all

gonna get blown to shit.

Is-- -No.

- --what we've had-- -What's--

I'm just-- I'm just-- looking for a promise to-- not

a promise, but just to-- to continue what we've been-- I--

I just-- I just want to keep the--

Well, I'm looking to continue to have it be good.

And to have it in as long as-- as long as it is.

Then there's no-- there's no need for definitions.

There haven't been these heavy black lines drawn around what

our relationship is.

You-- you know, you do all this to, like, learn about somebody.

And you invest all this time and energy.

And for what?

It-- it gets flushed down the fucking toilet.

And one day--

I'm aware.

--you decide that maybe you're not the one.

And they betray you.

I just-- I can't take any more.

All right.

OK.

The-- the question is, you know, is he willing to just--

just be with me, you know?

And that's--

Is he with you when you guys are together?

So what else do you want?

What do you mean, what else do I want?

This isn't-- this isn't--

What?

What are you getting so upset about?

I'm just wondering.

Like, you know, like, what you-- what you want out of him,

you know?

You guys have fun, you go out together.

Why can't it just be a thing like, you know,

like people having a good time?

Why do you have to get all serious right away?

'Cause that's not what I want.

Can't you see what you're doing though?

You're trying to, like, force it.

You're trying to make something serious right away.

You don't even know what it is, you know?

I mean, come on.

It's just some guy, you know?

I mean, don't worry about it.

He's-- he's not just some fucking guy.

[chuckling]

You-- you know, what are you getting so upset about?

You know that I support this stuff, you know?

It's not a big deal.

No, I don't fucking know that.

-You don't know? -No.

You don't know?

So what are you saying?

You're saying I don't support that.

You're saying I don't support that?

You're getting all mad?

You're gonna run away?

You're my friend.

DAVID: You're gonna run away.

You know-- you know-- you're-- you're acting very emoti--

JACK: Fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you.

[OBJECTS CLATTERING IN ANOTHER ROOM]

[frantic knocking]

JACK: Come on!

Chicken shit!

[knocking]

What the fuck do you want?

JACK: Get out here!

[knocking]

Get the fuck away from my door.

You have to deal with me, all of me!

You see this--

--what I fucking am.

This is my room right here.

I didn't question the room.

Your head is in my fucking room.

Your head is in my fucking room.

Get it the fuck out of my face.

No, fuck you, I'm not getting away from your door.

Now that I fuck guys, you can't fucking talk to me?

I talk to you all the time.

I talk to you about fucking guys.

You talk fucking bullshit.

You're the one that can't handle it.

When I was fucking women, you wanted to hear all about it.

Now I'm fucking guys, you can't fucking handle it.

You've never fucked one woman.

Fuck you, man.

Get the fuck away from my door right now.

I don't give a shit about your door, man.

You didn't even fucking ask--

And you need to fucking talk to me!

You can't--

I'll talk to you-- I'll talk to you over there.

I'm not gonna talk in front of my fucking door.

Get the fuck in there, and I'll talk to you.

-I'll talk to you right here. -That's my room right there.

That's not yours.

I don't give a shit about your fucking room.

Your apartment ends right here.

My apartment begins here.

You get the fuck in there.

Get in here, and I'll talk to you.

No. No.

What-- what the fuck-- what the fuck are you gonna do?

You have to deal with me right here.

You don't fucking care that I'm sitting there on the bus trying

to talk to you.

You weren't talk--

You fucking insulted me.

You-- you weren't fucking to me, man.

You were talking at me.

You were fucking mocking me.

DAVID: I'm not mocking you.

I'm not mocking you.

I make jokes because that's the way I deal with people.

You had-- were you joking when you said that you

didn't think I was your friend?

Were you joking when you said you don't-- I asked you.

I said you know that I support you.

And you said, no, I don't know that.

Because I don't fucking know.

How can you not know that?

Do you listen to my fucking problems?

I listen to you every time you talk to me.

Bullshit, man.

Bullshit.

Tonight I tried to talk to you.

What do you do?

You make jokes. You make fucking jokes, David.

I make jokes. That's what I do.

You fucking got off the bus.

I didn't get off the bus.

I sat right on that bus, and you ran off like a little baby.

What?

No.

You acted like a fucking baby about it.

All right, what do you want to hear?

I'm sorry. OK?

Did you hear that? Is that what you want to hear?

-I don't want to hear any-- -Is that what you want to hear?

You want to hear that I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

I don't want to hear any fucking apologies.

Sorry I hurt your feelings.

But I was just fucking talking to you

the way I would talk to you if you ever had sex with women.

In fact, the fact that you're gay makes a lot of sense.

You know?

I'm just saying, why should I give you any more

than I would give anyone else.

I'd treat you just like everyone else.

If that's bad, fine.

I treat people bad.

David's an asshole.

It's that old thing again-- David, the fucking asshole.

David's a prick.

David-- you know, whatever.

I mean, go live with Rebecca then.

You know?

I mean, what do you want from me?

Look, I don't to fuck Rebecca.

Yeah, get with her, because it's just like,

I mean-- just Give me a break, all right?

You want to talk?

Let's fucking talk.

So-- so when I had fucking problems with Max,

I could talk to you about it.

But no.

But-- but now--

That's different.

How is it different? Tell me.

-That was your girlfriend. -Please.

That was your girlfriend.

You lived with her.

Hey.

This is just some fucking guy.

No, man.

You know, I mean, I don't fuck--

when I talk to you about some broad I meet at a bar,

I don't fucking treat it the same.

This isn't some fucking broad that I met in a bar!

This is a person that I care about.

This is a person that I think I fucking love!

I didn't know it meant that much to you.

I'm sorry.

This is what I was trying to tell you, David.

DAVID: I'm sorry, all right?

I didn't know.

I mean, I still think we can still make jokes.

That's how-- that's how my people deal with things.

We make jokes.

Your people.

DAVID: I'm fucking sorry, OK?

When I'm mad, if a gay guy's in front of me, he's a faggot.

If it's some fucking Mexican guy, he's a spic.

I don't care.

You can call me a kike.

I don't care.

All I care about is the fact that we're OK.

I want to be OK.

We're not talking about "some guy."

We're not talking about "some kike" and " some fag."

When you're mad, you are "some guy."

We're not talking about Jack.

I'm sorry.

JACK: David, I'm not looking for a fucking apology.

Well, you got one.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I just-- you know, it-- there-- there's-- there's nobody--

there's nobody else that I can talk to about this, man.

So if you--

DAVID: You can talk to me about-- look, just tell me

when it's time to be, you know, real.

Now, you can accept my apology, because I'm giving you one.

I really am.

I'm really fucking sorry.

I really am.

[dance music, chatter]

--in the nude, in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Yeah.

And, I mean, you know, he breaks in.

You know, it's such a Romeo and Juliet.

Tyler. Hey, man.

-What's going on, man? -Good.

How's it going? -Pretty good.

What's going on?

Nothing.

I-- I want you to meet this really good friend of mine

that I met recently.

This is Jack.

Hey, how's it going, man?

Two-- two more gin and tonics.

Yeah, any particular gin?

Bombay Sapphire.

OK.

Preferably.

You know, you don't have to buy me a drink.

Excuse me?

I said you don't have to buy me a drink.

I'm good.

I'm not buying you a drink.

You're right.

I won't let you buy me a drink.

For me and for my friend Tommy over there.

Well, good.

Well, you know what?

Get me one of those too.

All right Same thing?

Thanks.

And you know what?

I'm gonna take care of all of this.

You don't have to-- you're gonna take care of it?

MIRABEL: I'm gonna take it. You have a problem with that?

Yeah, you don't have to take care of it.

-I'm gonna take care of it. -You know what?

This is for all three. No, no, it's--

10 even.

I just-- I--

[chuckles]

Mm?

I just don't want you to-- to think that I

was trying to-- you know.

I was just--

I bought you a drink.

I bought you two drinks.

How about that?

Heh-heh.

Well, thank-- thank you.

I'm Mirabel.

What's your name?

I'm David.

David.

That's a beautiful name.

Uh, not really.

Yeah, it is.

It's like the statue.

[giggles]

So, um, David and I went to, uh-- we

went to college together.

Oh wow.

Really?

I told you, I went to Wesleyan.

Oh, very small world, isn't it?

He manages a comedy club now, you know?

Oh really?

How interesting.

Which one?

Set 'Em Jokes over on Hallstatt.

[murmurs of approval]

I can't believe she's married now.

Baby doll, come dance with us.

I know, I do.

I completely do.

You know, it's just a matter of, like--

I almost thought of going on in there and saying, hey, look--

[overlapping conversations]

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Is it OK if I-- I'm gonna stay for a while, so.

Yeah, OK.

I want to-- I want to--

OK, well, you know--

I'll call you if you want.

Yeah, call me later on.

MAN: I was-- you were there, uh, the day

that I stole the [inaudible].

You saw it, yeah.

And you put it on the turntable.

MAN: Which one was it?

MAN: Yeah, we're just, like, in the middle--

Hey, thanks a lot.

Hey, hey, good meeting you, man.

-Yeah. -Have a good night.

Yeah, so I don't think--

Good night, Jack.

Never.

It's country music.

[music playing]

DAVID: Is there something wrong with you?

I mean, I'm just asking, because I would like to know if-- I

mean, if there's some sort of problem that

I don't know about because--

MIRABEL: (LAUGHING) What are you talking about?

My fucking knee is-- my knee is bleeding all over the place.

I don't know what the hell that was all about.

I mean, you didn't say two words the whole time.

I mean, did I do something wrong?

I'm not laughing-- I just-- I'm worried that, you know,

you have, like, some kind of problem or that you, you know,

I mean, like, are you worried about me being here.

I mean, I'm, you know-- I'm not mad.

I'm just concerned, you know?

I would like to know what the hell that was all about,

you know?

I mean, you drag me across the floor like that.

You fuck up my knee.

OK.

You are gettin' a little emotional.

DAVID: Yeah, you're damn right I'm getting a little emotional.

I mean, someone just gave me this massive rug burn.

MIRABEL: Calm down.

DAVID: Is that, like, what you and your husband do?

Do you, like, you know, drag each other across the rug?

You know, I mean, he's-- he's gone.

So now you have to, you know, replace him somehow.

I would just like to know.

No one's ever given me a rug burn like that before.

MIRABEL: Are you done?

I'm done if you're gonna explain

to me what the fuck happened.

I don't need to explain anything to you.

DAVID: You drag me across your rug.

You give me this fucking rug burn?

I mean, look at my leg.

I didn't give you anything.

I think it's time for you to go.

I'll go.

I don't have a problem.

You think I'm gonna stay for that?

I'm gonna stay for round two?

What's next?

You leave me with a bloody nose?

MIRABEL: I don't know what you were expecting.

I was expecting not to leave this fucking place bleeding.

That's what I was expecting.

Her arms were pulling me in, and her legs were pushing back.

[snickers]

This would only happen to you, David.

You have to be more discerning with your-- your dates.

(DEEP GERMAN ACCENT) Welcome to the Hellfire Club.

I have the pleasure now to introduce

the comedy and soul-stealing stylings

of Satan, Prince of Devil.

Think about [inaudible].

[imitates fanfare, explosions]

Pyrotechnics come up from the stage.

And all of a sudden, Satan appears.

[raucous cheering]

[applause and whoops]

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hello.

I'm Satan.

It's no big deal.

I need you to lock up from here on.

-You serious? -Can you handle that?

-Yeah, I can do it. -Can you handle that for me?

I can so handle it.

You know I'm ready.

I think I can handle it.

'Cause I-- I mean, I can't come back.

I mean, I--

I got it.

It means a lot to me.

All right. -No problem.

-OK, you're gonna be OK? -Yeah, I got it.

All right.

Thank you.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I can't blame you.

The path of righteousness is into the realm of darkness.

I like it up here, but I like it over here.

I don't like-- I'm not gonna dance on the edge like you.

All right, well--

You know, I'm--

Well, I'm not getting up.

You're gonna make me get up?

Yes, please.

You think I'm scared?

You think I'm-- I'm gonna show you how scared I am.

I'm gonna put it-- put it right up here with yours.

I'm gonna get my beer, go right to here.

Then you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna sit down right next to you, you sit down next to me,

and we're all cozy right up here in the danger.

There was a girl that I liked very much.

You got to trust me that, uh, she would have had me.

I would've-- would've been really

happy to-- to be faithful or do whatever she wanted me to do.

Who?

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

It's one of the girls.

I think I'm-- I'm a victim of circumstance, if you want

my honest opinion, which is--

Yeah, I understand that.

I mean, I'm-- I'm guilty of the same thing.

[clears throat]

Because, you know, like, I-- I-- I don't know.

Like, I feel like I've set myself

up for some kind of uncertainty with-- with Carlos.

I mean, like, I really don't-- don't know

what's going on with him.

I mean, lots of ti-- I mean, when he opens up,

it's just like this, you know, floodgate.

DAVID: You think he's faithful?

I have no idea.

We both know that he never made any promises.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I-- you know, I-- I hope that I'm wrong.

And he's, uh-- but come on.

You just-- you just don't know.

No, yeah.

DAVID: That's my point now is you

just don't know with people.

Unless you talk them into marrying you,

who knows what they're gonna do?

That's my feeling.

The next time I meet a girl like that,

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

Just get it over with.

Just fucking dive in the grave.

That's all it is.

Marriage is like, just jump in head-first.

Bury me.

Hey. -Hey.

Hi.

[music playing]

Woo!

[grunts]

Oh!

[stomping]

(LAUGHING) What-- what-- what is that?

[roars]

I am the kosher trample!

Aah-- oh.

[laughter]

(SINGSONG) I am the Jewish werewolf.

I need--

[growls]

JACK: David, please.

No.

(LAUGHING) No, no.

OK.

OK.

[david howls]

What the fuck are you doing?

DAVID: I am the kosher hot dog.

Oh, all right.

DAVID: I'm the Jewish werewolf.

OK.

DAVID: Get in here!

JACK: OK.

[drunken mumbling]

All right.

I--

[fierce growl]

[giggles]

Come on.

OK.

You ready?

Where are we going?

[inaudible].

OK.

You are.

You're the number-one-- you.

[drunken mumbling]

What?

I just-- I want to just thank you.

OK.

All right.

OK.

That's great.

Oh!

I do not need you.

All right.

All right.

Oh god.

It started in Israel.

Like in the-- they have this thing.

OK.

--[drunken mumbling] I love this bed.

You're gonna be all right?

[mumbling]

I-- I need you.

David, go to sleep.

I want to be a part of you.

David, go to sleep.

CARLOS: Jack.

So what do you want to do tonight?

I don't know.

[tv chatter]

Oh my god.

That was, like, the most expensive

ambrosia salad I've ever had.

Let's go.

Oh shit.

Hey.

Hey.

How's it going?

All right.

What are you guys up to?

Not much.

We're talking about walking.

Yeah?

We're-- we're walking too.

Can I talked to you?

Well, we're kind of supposed to meet somebody.

A little bit late.

But, um-- I-- I can call you.

Now, look, let me talk to you.

Look, I'll just be a second.

Sorry.

What?

Who's that?

Uh, It's a friend.

We're having dinner, you know?

Is that OK?

I mean, you look really-- I mean,

I-- it's OK that I go out and have dinner with my friends,

isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's fine.

But, I mean, you haven't been--

[scoffs]

I mean, you've-- you've kind of been--

-Uh-- -Gone.

I mean, I don't know.

I don't think that's-- I don't think that's any

of your business what you're asking,

what you're implying right now.

OK, well, is it my business if you're fucking him?

Are you fucking him?

Is that my business?

Isn't not?

I guess it's not, no.

No?

No.

I'm sorry.

Look, you know, I'm just out.

We're supposed to go meet somebody.

You know, I'll call you later.

I don't-- I don't want to do this.

No, no, no, no.

Don't-- no, whatever.

Don't-- don't call me.

I don't-- I don't--

[sighs]

-I don't want to-- -No, go.

I don't want to do this here.

Go fucking meet your people, man.

Whatever.

Look, I want to-- I want to talk to you.

Go, go meet-- go met whoever you want.

Go ahead.

I mean--

[chuckles]

I'm-- I'm fucking disappointed in you.

I'm disappointed.

I'm sorry.

I'll call you, OK?

Whatever.

I don't know if this makes you feel better.

But in my personal opinion, you are 100 times better

looking than that guy.

[chuckles]

Thanks a lot.

I would never go out with him.

That means a lot to me.

I found your keys with a note from Tommy

that I could barely read sitting on the bar.

Now, I don't know what the fuck that's about.

But I'll tell you something.

You fucked up royally--

All right.

--for the last time.

And--

I can explain.

Right then and there, I don't need an explanation.

It's Tommy.

I've been thinking about this.

You got to get rid of Tommy.

It's not Tommy.

Tommy's a dumbass.

I don't expect anything from Tommy.

I expected much better from you.

I've already come to a decision.

You're through.

You're out. -I'm out?

CLUB OWNER: That's it. You're done.

I'm done.

CLUB OWNER: Finished.

Look, I think we can work this out.

CLUB OWNER: David, don't make it any harder on yourself

than it has to be.

I think-- I'm thinking about leaving Chicago.

You know, I'm not working.

And, uh--

[chuckles]

Can't even get on a plane, 'cause I

don't have an Illinois driver's license.

I just-- there's nothing-- there's nothing for me here.

I want to talk to you before I do anything.

But I want to move out.

Because I don't know.

Because I-- I don't fucking want to stay here anymore.

I mean, look at this.

(CHUCKLING) This fucking neighborhood, you know?

This is what Chicago has to offer me?

I want better than this.

I'm 26 years years old.

And I don't-- I don't have a job.

And I live in the fucking ghetto.

So-- so this is-- is just today?

This is just today you're deciding this?

I mean-- mean, when-- when did you decide

that you were gonna leave?

I decided I wanted to leave when--

When are you going?

DAVID: I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know where I'm going.

I don't know when I'm leaving.

I wanted to talk to you about that.

And where are you going?

Where are you going, David?

Where's so fucking-- what-- what paradise, what fucking nirvana

are you headed for?

Anything but Chicago.

That's where.

Something else.

Do you understand?

This isn't about you.

Chicago, to me-- it's-- it's this right here.

It's you and me in this apartment.

I don't have all these, you know, fucking

frivolous relationships.

It's just you and I and that's it.

DAVID: So how long did you think this was gonna last?

You think I was gonna stay there forever?

I'm not responsible for you.

I'm responsible for me.

I'm coming to you.

I'm telling you, it's not gonna be a fucking problem.

You know, you're acting like some jilted fucking lover.

I'm not Max.

I'm not leaving you.

I'm moving.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, David.

DAVID: No, no, no, no, no, fuck you.

[answering machine beeps]

DAVID (ON MACHINE): Hey, Jack.

This is David.

I got my ticket today.

I just wanted you to know that I'm gonna be dropping

a check by later for you.

And I guess that's it.

Bye.

AUTOMATED VOICE: 4:48 PM, Sunday.

[machine beeps]

JACK: I don't, like, want you to leave on this sour note.

DAVID: It's not sour.

Do you think I'm fucking you over, and I get something back?

Is that right?

[chuckles incredulously]

[sighs]

Look, I--

DAVID: I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I-- I know.

I know you're-- no, I-- well, yeah, I did.

I did say you were fucking me over.

And I was, uh-- I was-- I was out of line, you know?

Um.

I--

Just-- I just-- Jack, I'm not mad at you.

I just feel like I've been a really good friend, you know?

I'm not a good guy, you know?

I mean, I know I-- everything's wrong.

My morals are wrong, you know?

Oh, bullshit.

I'm fat, you know what I mean?

I'm-- I'm a big fucking slob.

But, you know, one thing that I pride myself in

is that I think I'm a pretty good friend, especially to you.

You are a good friend.

This is what I'm telling you.

And you're not fucking bad person.

You-- you pretend to be a bad person

'cause it gets fucking yutz, you know?

And-- and that's whatever.

And--

DAVID: No, Jack.

I pretend to be that person because sometimes I

don't even know if I want to be a good person.

But when I'm-- when I'm with you,

I feel like I don't have to worry about if I'm a good

person or if I'm a bad person.

And that's why, you know, I could probably

fucking stay here forever.

But I don't want to, because I don't want to fucking

stay here forever, you know?

I want to do something.

I want to go out there.

And I want to fucking do something

better than what I have.

But, you know, I just want you to know when I'm out--

when I'm out there, whatever I'm doing, that--

I'm still your friend.

I know that now.

Before, I-- I couldn't believe that, you know?

I-- I couldn't.

But-- but now I do.

And-- and it means a great deal to me.

DAVID: So, more importantly, this is the last beer.

(CHUCKLING) Yeah, I got that.

DAVID: Are you gonna go out and get more?

Or am I going out?

Do we go out together, or--

I'll go.

You have to-- you have to go the powder room.

DAVID: I don't have to go to the powder room.

[chuckles]

You got your ticket?

Hold this one second.

Yeah, I got it.

Just want to find where this goddamn gate is.

I hate airports.

This is it right here.

You're seat 17.

That's seat 1 through 32.

All right.

Here's your fucking backpack.

Oh, I forgot that you had that. Thanks.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot for carrying that for me.

Hey, look, man.

Take care of yourself.

All right.

You're gonna be good?

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, call me when you get in.

I will.

I will.

All right.

I'll talk to you soon.

Excuse me.

Uh, hi.

Do you know where gate C, like, 1 through--

I think-- I think it's over there maybe?

Or maybe you should better ask--

Do you think maybe you could show me?

I'm-- I'm not familiar with this airport.

Oh, my name's David.

Ugh.

Ugh.

[garage door whirring]

[metallic thud]

[music playing]