All language subtitles for South Park (Not Suitable for Children) (2023) Bluray

Cred has more electrolytes

than Gatorade or Prime.

And now Cred has a new flavor:
Cherry Bubblegum.

Eric, do you really need
to bring three bottles

of that drink to school?

Mom, a kid today is defined
by their hydration drink.

I have to have more
Cred than anyone else.

♪ I got Cred, bitches ♪

♪ I got Cred ♪

♪ I got Cred, bitches ♪

♪ I got Cred ♪

♪ I got Kiwi Lime ♪

♪ I got Gooble Grape ♪

♪ You got no Cred, bitches ♪

♪ But I got mine ♪

♪ We got Cred,
bitches, we got Cred ♪

♪ Our teeth are blue, bitches ♪

♪ Our tongues are red... ♪

Yeah, but it's, like, seriously,

look at how it's
suddenly everybody now.

Like that Spencer Hollis kid.

He never even cared about Cred,

he just drinks it 'cause
some stupid influencer

said it's cool now.

Hey, hey, Clyde,
where's your Cred?

Um, it's in my...
I-I already drank it.

See?
That's what I'm talking about.

Clyde likes Cred so much
that he drank all his before noon.

That's a real Cred drinker.

Unlike all the poser Cred drinkers

like Spencer Hollis!

Fuck you.

Fuck you, Spencer,
you're a fucking poser!

It's literally everywhere now.

These crazy hydration
drinks that say they're healthy,

but are loaded with fake
sugars and not safe for children.

Why now?
Why are kids suddenly so into these things?

Online influencers.

They promote this stuff
to kids to make money.

I don't know what kind of
scumbags would push adult things

on something they know kids will watch.

You guys, we have a big problem.

- What is it?
- It's about the South Park

elementary art teacher.

Mrs. Streibel?
What about her?

We just found out
that she's been...

doing pornographic
videos on OnlyFans.

- No.
- Yes.

There's gonna be a
big meeting tonight,

and everybody's gonna see it.

Everyone, let's
try to be civil here.

Be civil?
How are we supposed to go home

and explain to our children
that their art teacher is a slut?

She is not a slut.

Mrs. Streibel is a woman
engaging in a legal activity

on a website that
is for adults only.

Of course kids are gonna see it.

They see everything on the Internet.

Well, the problem is you guys
buy your kids phones, okay?

Just like you buy them all
these unhealthy hydration drinks.

Don't turn this around on us.

We can't control
what our kids drink

or what they watch.

They're your kids.

Many teachers are
struggling to get by

and need ways to
supplement their income.

Mrs. Streibel makes close to
minimum wage as a teacher,

but on OnlyFans, she makes
an extra $10,000 a week.

It doesn't matter
how much she made,

we're talking about someone
who influences our children.

Did she say $10,000 a week?

Listen, we have suspended

Mrs. Streibel indefinitely, okay?

But over the next few days,

you should probably
talk to your kids

about what they might
have seen, m'kay.

Hey, Clyde, w-why don't you
come over here and have a seat?

What?

Have a seat, pal.
We need to talk to you.

Clyde...

we're understanding
that some tough things

have been going on at school.

Yes. Yes, they have.

All right, well, we know
that some of the stuff

you're dealing with
might be kind of disturbing.

Yes, it's totally
disturbing, yes.

All right, Clyde, well,
we want to try and help you.

Really? You do?

Thank God. Finally.

Yeah, pal, let-let
me explain to you

what "double penetration" is.

Double penetration?

See, in your art
teacher's OnlyFans page,

her and two men, who
love each other very much,

wanted to express that love...

Dad, nobody cares
about double penetration.

My life at school is awful
because you don't let me drink

hydrating sports drinks
like all the other kids.

Clyde, we've told you,
those things are filled

with additives and fake sugar,

and they're not
good for children.

You're not even my
real mom, Janice,

so why don't you
shut the fuck up?

Clyde, that's enough.

Every other kid at school
is allowed to have it.

They all have Cred,
but I have zero Cred

because my dad and
his stupid girlfriend

think it's bad for me.

Why do you want to
be like all the other kids?

Shut up, Janice,
you're not my mom!

All right, Clyde, we're trying
to have a nice talk with you

about double penetration,

and you can just
go to your room now.

Fine!

Thanks a lot for
making sure your son

is the only kid in
school without any Cred!

It's like
nobody understands me, you know?

Like, all these stupid
boomers and people over 40

don't know how hard
it is for young people.

- Yeah.
- Like, yo, if you guys

feel the same way, just
leave a comment down below

and smash that like button.

You know, the most important
thing is just to be yourself.

And when I feel
like I can't be myself,

that's when I need a hydration
drink that'll pick me up.

That's when I need Cred.

It's the
coolest sports drink in the world.

Cred is 100% sugar-free.

Cred has electrolytes
so you can ride your bike.

And also, Cred
has more vitamin A

than your body could
possibly ever use.

I can't feel my face.

Drink Cred or
you're a piece of shit.

Drink Cred at your school today.

Hey, guys, I know there's
a lot of influencers out there

trying to get your attention.

And I just hope that you'll
maybe take a moment

to check out what I have to
say here on My OnlyFans page.

I hope you're all doing great,
and if you're watching this PPV,

I hope you'll
consider subscribing.

If you want me
to give a shout-out

for your social media,
I can do that.

And if you want a
custom, just let me know

if there's anything
special you want to see.

- What the fuck are you doing?
- Hey, Sharon,

just supplementing my income.

Are you serious right now?

All right, all right,
Sharon, yes,

I am an OnlyFans model.

And I'm not ashamed of it.

Goddamn it, Randy.

What is with all the stigma
Americans have anyway?

It's just my penis, Sharon.
It's not a big deal.

No, it's definitely
not a big deal.

Okay, good. Thank you.

All I'm doing is
taking back control

of my sexuality on a platform

that I can benefit
from financially.

So you're just gonna
sit here and jack off

for four hours a week just
to make a few extra dollars?

I jack off two hours
a week anyways.

Now I just do it
a little bit more

and make enough money to
pay for the increase in gas prices.

If your children
find out about this,

they are going to leave home.

Children aren't allowed
on OnlyFans, Sharon.

It's totally safe.

Kids aren't gonna see this.

Hey, Butters, Tweek,
you guys got a second?

- For what?
- Okay, you know how, like,

some kids in this
school really like Cred

and others just pretend to,

but really they're posers
like Spencer Hollis?

Well, I think we should
start a Cred affinity group.

What's an affinity group?

It's where you, like,
divide people into groups

and single them out in order
to make other people feel bad.

See, it's like we're
the legit Cred drinkers,

and we should just
let the very coolest kids

into our affinity group.

Hey, Clyde.

- Where's your Cred?
- It's just...

- it's, in my backpack again.
- That's cool.

You guys think we should let
Clyde into our affinity group?

Yeah, I like Clyde.

Hey, Stan.
Do you want to be in our affinity group?

- What's an affinity group?
- It's like where people separate

into little clubs by, like,
skin color or religious beliefs

and talk about how much better
they are than everyone else.

Usually, white people
can't be in an affinity group,

but it's for a drink,
so they have to let us.

That's not what
an affinity group is.

Yeah, well, no
one's inviting you, Kyle.

'Cause it looks like you
don't even have any Cred.

Yeah, I do, it's in my backpack.

Sure, it's in
his backpack, guys.

Yeah, let's see it, then.

It's right here.
We drink way more Cred than you guys do.

Yeah, right.
Tweek drinks four bottles of Cred

for breakfast.

I don't want to be a
part of any affinity group.

It just sounds like trouble.

Yeah, well, we don't want you.

'Cause you just
pretend to like Cred

'cause it's a fad right now

like all the other
lame-o's in this school.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Clyde, you got a sec?
For what?

I was just gonna talk to
you about your backpack.

- W-What about my backpack?
- Well, it's just...

You know, it's really
best to have a backpack

that's got a water bottle
pouch to put your Cred in.

See, like, see how
y-you can see, like,

you can see my Cred
bottle from the outside?

You just go like this,
and everyone-everyone

can see your Cred?
You're just like,

"Hey, what's going on?

"Yeah, sweet, check out my Cred.

It's, like, right here."

Um, well, I-I don't think

I can get a new
backpack till my birthday.

Well, maybe just, like,
use some tape or something

to make your own bottle pouch?

You know, we definitely
don't want you to look

like you don't have any Cred.

All right, see you in class, brah.

Hey, Sharon.
Can we talk?

I feel like there's a
lot bad things going on

in the world, and it gets so
confusing sometimes, you know?

I think, as Americans,
we watch news about things happening

in the Middle East and we
just don't want to get involved.

And I know it can feel like
"What can I do?

I'm not special,
how could I ever make a difference?"

But we can't let
ourselves think like that.

Sometimes what it takes

is just one person
to start a movement.

One person, and then
everyone else might follow.

I am not subscribing to
your OnlyFans page, Randy.

Okay, well, you're a cunt.

Yeah, that looks good.

Maybe a little higher
on your side, Butters.

Yeah, that's great.
I think everyone can see that now.

That should definitely
make people feel unwelcome.

Hey.

Hey...

What's goin' on?

So... are you, like, selling Cred?

What?
Selling hydration drinks on school grounds

is against the rules.

Come here, come here.

What the... Hey, what are you...
What the hell are you doing?

If you're wearing a wire,
I will kick your ass.

Bro, I'm not wearing a wire!
Do you have Cred or not?

Sure, I got Cred.
What are ya looking for?

A little...
Watermelon Strawberry?

No, no, do you have any ones

that don't taste like total ass?

You want the good shit.

I got your Bubblegum
Grape right here.

Okay, how much?

Eighty bucks.

$80?
For a shitty fake-sugar drink?

What do you think
I'm runnin' here,

a fucking charity
for the homeless?

How about some
Oatmeal Nummy Nums?

I can get you into that for $65.

I don't have $65.
What can I get for three bucks?

Three bucks? Sure.

For that, you can get
an empty Cred bottle.

- What good is that gonna do me?
- It's easy.

You just fill your
empty bottle with water,

add a little food coloring.

Everyone thinks you got Cred
when you actually have no Cred.

I'm not giving you three
dollars for just plastic garbage!

Cool thing, man.

You just go back into the
school without any Cred at all.

See how long you last.

Here!

Hey, guys, it's your boy Randy,

and in this video we're
doing authentic pad Thai

for under $6.

Now we're gonna start
with some medium shrimp

and some rice noodles.

For the wet ingredients,
we're looking at a couple eggs,

some fish and also soy sauce.

And then for garnish,
we're gonna do a little cilantro,

green onion, and then of course,

we're gonna top that all
off with some fresh nuts.

Those nuts are gonna
give it that extra bite.

Now, if you like
what you're seeing

be sure to smash
that subscribe button.

- And...
- Get your balls off the table!

Great Sharon
you just ruined the shot!

The guys at the deli
wanted me to say hi, Randy.

They all saw you on OnlyFans.

Really?
Are they gonna subscribe?

No, they're not going to subscribe.

Nobody's going to subscribe, Randy.

Will you fucking stop?

This stuff takes time!

You don't just put up a page
and immediately get followers.

You have to support it
with other social media,

have a craft to teach...

Being an influencer takes time, Sharon!

So now you're an influencer?

Yes! I'm an influencer.

Maybe you should
see how it feels, Randy.

Maybe I should go and
do my own OnlyFans.

What? What?

Yeah, like people are gonna
pay to see your OnlyFans.

I'll make more than you do!

Sharon, being an
influencer is work.

You got to pay for the lighting,
for the sound,

you got to be good at editing!

Okay. Cool, Randy.

I'm gonna go start
an OnlyFans channel.

Ok-okay.
Okay, you go do that, Sharon!

I'm gonna fuckin' do it!

Okay, yeah, go supplement
our income, Shar...

Sharon?

You got this day, bro!

You're strong and I'm gonna
keep on making videos for you.

♪ I've got Cred, bitches ♪

♪ I've got Cred ♪

♪ I've got Cred, bitches ♪

♪ I've got Cred. ♪

Hey, guys, we're having a
Cred affinity group meeting

today at 4:00.
Nobody's allowed but us, okay?

Hey, Jordan.

We're having a meeting today.
You can't come.

Affinity group
meeting today, Sally.

You're not invited.

Well, I think that's
just about everyone.

Tweek, did you
tell Spencer Hollis

he's not allowed
in the affinity group?

Yeah.
You told me to call him last night.

He didn't seem to care.

- Yeah, he cares.
- There's Clyde!

Hey, Clyde.
Look at you with your nice new backpack.

Yeah.
You guys like it?

Yeah, it's really cool.

You can see your Cred now.

Yeah, it's really nice
the way your Cred is...

My God! Clyde!
You got Moonrise Mellow?

How the hell did you get a
bottle of Moonrise Mellow?

It was just, what
my parents gave me today.

You guys, Moonrise Mellow is, like,

the hardest flavor to get ever.

- Whoa, lucky.
- Yeah, hey, I'm not sharing.

- Hey, Stan. Hey, Stan.
- No, no, dude, wait.

Check out what Clyde
has. Moonrise Mellow.

That's impossible.

Look at their faces.

They're so jealous.

No, it's really impossible.

Moonrise Mellow was
discontinued months ago.

Guess you wish now that you
were in the Cred affinity group.

We told you guys we have
better Cred than anyone at school.

It's probably fake.

You think it's fake?

You want to fucking taste it?

What the fuck?

This is fucking
apple juice. Gross!

- Let's see.
- Hey, give it back.

Yeah, it's apple juice.
You guys are posers.

We're not posers!

Hey, guys.
Cred affinity group uses fake Cred.

What the fuck?

What the fuck have you done, Clyde?

I'm sorry, okay?

He's sorry.

He faked having
Cred, but he's sorry!

All right, look, my parents
won't let me drink Cred, okay?

They think it's bad for me.

So you never had Cred?

No.

My God!

We all said you had Cred
in your backpack, Clyde.

We fucking backed you!

What the hell are we gonna do?

Why do you guys care?

I'm the one who
doesn't have any Cred!

That's not how it works, man!

If you don't have Cred,
then everyone around you

loses all their Cred.

We're dead.
We're fuckin' dead.

Word is gonna spread
through the school

that our affinity
group has no Cred

and then we're gonna...

How could you do this to us, Clyde?

I'm sorry.
It was all the pressure.

I never even wanted
to be in an affinity group.

Now I'm doomed!

Ooh... Yeah.

- You like that, guys?
- My God.

- God.
- My God. She did it.

- Yeah.
- She actually did it.

- She actually got more subscribers than me.
- Ooh, yeah, guys.

Yeah.

Just let me know if
there's anything special

you'd like to see, guys.

- 3,100 subscribers.
- Ooh...

- Yeah...
- How is that possible?

I mean, look at that,
the lighting sucks.

The sound keeps clipping

like she got a microphone
at Walmart or something.

And who's that guy?
He's blocking half the shot.

- Ooh...
- This is total amateur hour!

Thanks for calling
OnlyFans customer support.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I just found
out that my wife has

an OnlyFans page,

and in one day she has
more subscribers than me.

I'm starting to think this
whole thing is rigged.

Well, it is slightly easier

for our female content
creators to find an audience.

Look, my wife can't become
a bigger influencer than me.

I'll never hear the end of it.

Well, sir, have you been trying

the pointers we discussed
to reach a larger audience?

Yes! I added a skill.

I'm advertising my OnlyFans
page with TikTok and Instagram.

What about optimizing
your algorithm?

Um, how do I do that?

No, no, no.
Not with your penis.

See, what a lot of
influencers will do is

they talk about things and
show things in their videos

that are trending.

Then you can hashtag that,

and the search engines will
think your content is trending.

So I... add stuff to my
videos that's popular,

and people will
accidentally go to my page

trying to search for
that popular thing.

Exactly.

That's perfect!

But what's trending most
on the Internet right now?

Hey there, Clyde.
How was school?

You want to know how school was?

It fucking sucked!

All I wanted was to have
a little bit of Cred at school,

but now I've destroyed it
and everyone hates me!

Clyde, we're always
trying to do what's best for you.

And you shut the
fuck up, Janice!

- You are not my mom.
- Clyde!

I seriously can't
stand how stupid people are sometimes.

That's why I do all
my pranks and stuff.

Sometimes it's
impossible to stay positive

when everyone sucks so hard.

If you like what I'm
saying in this video,

smash that like
button down below.

You know, the thing is,

when you really
feel the most down,

that's when you got to
fight the hardest, you know?

I'm gonna give you 10
tips to being tougher.

But first I want to give a
shout-out to our sponsor

Cred hydration drinks!

Cred gives you all
the energy you need!

And now Cred has an
all-new exclusive flavor.

Introducing new Mega Cred.

It's a super limited edition

only available to a select few.

And Cred's doing a big giveaway

and maybe these super limited
edition bottles can be yours.

So I looked it up,

and there's this
drink called Cred

that's the most searched
thing on the internet.

I figured if I can get my hands

on some of the more
hard to get bottles

and put them in my videos,
maybe I'll get more traffic.

Everyone says maybe
you can help me.

Cred? What's Cred?
Never heard of it.

Okay, look,
I'm not wearing a wire.

You want to see?

No, no, I don't want to see!
What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm looking for a lot of Cred.

Maybe I can even get them

to eventually sponsor
my adult web channel.

Okay.
Then you'll want

some of the harder
stuff that's marketed

for adults only.

Like maybe...
Peppa Pig Peppermint.

That doesn't sound like
it's marketed for adults.

Well, maybe you want to
try the I'm a Big Boy Blueberry.

All right, look, just...
How much for the whole bag?

You want my whole bag of Cred?

I want you to supply me

with every bottle of
Cred you can find.

I have to have more
subscribers than my wife.

Eric, sweetie, are
you feeling any better?

No, Mom, I'm dying.

I've been completely discredited.

Eric, everything is going to
be okay at school tomorrow.

It's too late.

I've already stepped down
as founder and chairman

of my own affinity group.

You'll find my letter of
resignation on the nightstand.

I'm choosing to step down

before all those sick bastards
at school try and force me out.

Well, you need to sit
up for just a minute.

Your little friend Clyde
wants to talk to you.

Clyde? No, no, no, no, no.
Do not let... Mom!

Do not let Clyde in my... Aw,
goddamn it.

What do you guys want?

Eric, Clyde has an idea
that might save our Cred.

Nothing is going to save our Cred,
you boners.

Will you just listen?

My influencer said there's
gonna be a big Cred promotion

at a CVS in Pueblo.

A promotion, great.

They're gonna sell a
very limited quantity

of an all-new Cred that
nobody's even tried yet.

So we could ditch school,

find a way to get to Pueblo

and come back with a Cred
nobody else can even get.

We'd have our Cred back.

We followed Clyde before, you guys,

and it cost us everything.

Look, 50 cases of Cred,

only available
tomorrow 200 miles away

and then not available
for another six months.

It's called Mega Cred.

All right, you son of a bitch.

Maybe our affinity
group isn't dead just yet.

Hey, what up, guys?
It's your boy Randy.

In this video,
I'm gonna be trying out

six different flavors of
the newest sports drink.

As you can see, I've got lots of Cred.
Do you like Cred?

If so, leave a
comment down below,

and maybe smash
that like button.

Okay, we're gonna start
with Summer Popsicle.

I guess it's pretty popular.

Smells okay.
Let's see how good it is.

Ooh. Okay, yeah.

That one's kind of fizzy.

K-Kind of fizzy,
but more on the penis

than it is on them balls.

Yeah, this is really nice.

Yeah, it looks good.

Yeah, looks delicious.
Oishii.

Hey If you're liking the
content, be sure to subscribe.

Really helps the channel out.

Let's move on to
another flavor now.

This one's called
Purple Snow Globe.

Let's see how it tastes.

Ooh. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good one.

My God!

Hey, Sharon!

Sharon, you got to see this!

There you are, Sharon.

Been out shopping with all the
money you made on OnlyFans?

I'm ready to stop
whenever you are.

Ho!
Yeah, I don't think so, Sharon.

I just had a video on
TikTok with 1,000 views

and a video on Meta with 2,000!

That's gonna drive all the
subscribers to my OnlyFans page.

You said my penis wasn't a big deal,
and now look!

What are you doing
to that Cred bottle?

That's just a little
trend jumping.

Randy, you know who drinks Cred, right?
Children!

No, it's not even
suitable for children.

Okay, this has to stop, Randy.

The only views you're getting
on TikTok and Meta are from kids!

That's not what the
data shows, Sharon.

According to Meta and TikTok,

their audience is
predominately people

over the age of 22.

That means it's not kids
who care about Cred,

it's adults who
want to see my dick.

Randy, please.
Let's just call it a tie, okay?

I bet you'd love that now.

Now that my OnlyFans is
about to be bigger than yours.

I'm gonna beat your ass, honey!

Jesus, now it looks
like they're doing

a two-bottle max per person.

O-Okay, so two bottles each.
That means we'll have eight.

- Is that enough Cred?
- My God.

No!

We want Cred!
We want Cred!

We want Cred!
We want Cred!

Dude, there's like
2,000 kids here.

Don't these losers have
anything better to do

than fight over a shitty drink?

Come on, we gotta
make our way to the front.

Tom, I'm standing
outside the CVS in Pueblo

where thousands of children
have shown up to get some Cred.

The fake sugar hydration drink

is considered not
suitable for children

and yet kids are
literally fighting

to get their hands
on this limited edition.

I'll be covering the whole thing
live here on my OnlyFans page.

Just DM me if there's anything
custom you'd like to see.

Dude, this is fucking crazy!

There's never gonna be
enough Cred for everybody!

My God. No. No!

It's fucking Spencer Hollis.

Hey, stop pushing, kid.

What's he doing here,
that dirty son a bitch?

He fucking ditched
school to come get Cred

and he doesn't even like
it! He's a fucking poser!

We want Cred! We want Cred!
We want Cred!

The delivery truck!

- Get away!
- Give me Cred!

You're all a bunch of animals!

Cred!
Give me the Cred!

I got to have Cred!

We want Cred!
We want Cred!

Okay, go, go, go!

Okay, okay, it's here, you bastards.

- Come in and...
- I was here...

Tweek's not gonna make it,
you guys.

- Where is it?
- Where's the Cred?

It's over there!

Give me Cred!

Me first! Me first!

Give me the Cred!

There's some, right there!

It's gone!
It's all gone!

Mom!

Spencer?

Start the car! Start the car!

Jesus Christ!

Start the fucking car, Mom!

Spencer's getting
away with the Cred!

No!

Well, these are extremely
impressive numbers.

It looks like your content's
getting a lot of views online.

Yeah, thanks.

But you see, what
I'm trying to learn now

is how to take all
the views I'm getting

on like Instagram
and stuff and use them

to make myself bigger.

Well, we can help you with that.

You know, to really succeed,

you gotta ask yourself:

What is it that you want to
achieve as an influencer?

Well, what I really want to do

is beat my wife.

You want to beat your wife?

I mean, don't we all?

I-I don't understand,

you want to beat your
wife on Instagram?

I want to beat her on Instagram,

I want to beat her on TikTok,

but mostly I want to beat
the shit out of her on OnlyFans

and make a lot
of money doing it.

Okay, well, if you
can get the kids to watch

then we can find you a sponsor.

Organizations will do anything
to reach kids these days.

Yeah, yeah, but, see, my content

actually isn't
suitable for children.

Right. I mean, the data shows

kids aren't the main audience
for any of this stuff, right?

- Right.
- Right.

Mr. Marsh, the thing is,
a sponsor not only gets you cash

but they also help
you push that algorithm

so that their message
is heard through you.

Really?

Yeah, there's gonna
be a lot of companies

that want to pay you to
show your videos to "not kids."

But what we want to
do is get these sponsors

to bid against each
other for your audience.

That's when you
become a big influencer.

And then you can beat your
wife as much as you want.

Wow.

There's nothing.

Just two more
broken Cred bottles.

And a couple of
cans of SpaghettiOs.

I don't think I can go back.

Go back to what?

Spencer Hollis has
all the Cred now.

Tomorrow, he'll start
his own affinity group

and not let any of us in.

Don't you guys think
this is all fucked up?

Yeah, fucked up 'cause of you.

No, I mean what
they're doing to us.

Look at this.
My influencer told me to come down here.

He knew there wasn't gonna
be enough Cred for everyone.

It's like...
It's like they wanted to create

this false scarcity.
Give all us kids FOMO.

If anyone's a FOMO,
Clyde, it's you.

You guys aren't listening.
We've been manipulated.

If kids are willing to
fight and die over this,

then what else would they
be willing to fight and die over?

Nobody in school cared
about hydration drinks

three weeks ago.

My influencer convinced
me to come down here.

What else is he
convincing me to do?

So, maybe if we
find your influencer,

then he can give us Cred?

No!

No, no, no.
I like your angle, Clyde.

Maybe this whole
thing is a sham.

If we can make the
whole thing look stupid,

then we make a Cred
affinity group look stupid.

Then Spencer Hollis will
have nothing to keep us out of.

I just know there's more
to all this than we think.

I know what town
my influencer lives in.

I want some goddamn answers.

Tweek, Butters,

gather up all the Pop-Tarts
and SpaghettiOs you can.

We move out at
ninetytwo-hundred.

Can I help you?

Yeah, hi, I'm a big influencer?

My agent sent me
here to find a sponsor?

- Name.
- Randy Marsh?

It's with five Rs because
there was already

a Randy Marsh on TikTok.

Put this around your
neck. Through that door

and wait with the
other influencers.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, influencers, follow me,

stand in a straight
line and step forward

when your number is called.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

We have some incredible
influencers available today.

They are all
complete freelancers

and looking for sponsors.

First off, we have
influencer number 394

This is BlinkyBlankyGirl.

She has over 10,000
views on Instagram,

6,800 on TikTok

and is up-and-coming
on Meta and X.

Who would like to
own this influencer?

We'll start the bidding at 20.20,
do I hear 20?

There's 20.
Do I hear 25, 25?

Let's hear 25, 25, 30.

25 from Mattel Toys.

Mattel Toys now the
highest bidder at 25.

25, who's gonna go for
30? 30, 30.

30! 30 from
Lunchables! Let's go 50.

50 now, who wants
the influencer?

- 50, 50.
- 100!

100! 100 from the Chinese government!
Can we go 150?

150?

150, 150, yes!

Stoli Vodka at 150.

150, the current
bid from Stoli Vodka.

What about you, Build-A-Bear?

Do we hear from Build-A-Bear?

160! 160 from the NRA,
outbidding Stoli Vodka.

Who wants to influence
the youngins more?

170 from Voices for Ukraine.

Don't let them
outbid you, Russia.

No?
Chinese government? No?

Sold to Voices for Ukraine.
Thank you.

I don't understand
what happened.

Just keep making
your stupid videos,

they'll tell you what to say.

Okay, next up we have
influencer number 226.

This is Kevinlovesoranges.

Over six million views on TikTok,
4,600 on Instagram

and a small following
on X and Meta.

Who wants Kevinlovesoranges
to push their agenda?

We'll start at 40, 40.
China in at 40, China at 40.

- Who's gonna go 50?
- Russia with 50.

55, 60, Big Pharma at 60.

60.
Kellogg's Cereal.

Ravenclaw Casinos.

Influence the children.

Can I hear 70?
Last call for 70.

Sold to the Canadian government,
congratulations.

Our next influencer, number 427.

This is Randy Marrrrrsh.

We'll start the bidding at 50.50,
do I hear 50? 50?

50? No? Come on, Mattel Toys.
Let's hear from you.

How about 40? 40?

How about 40, let's do 40?

Freeze! Nobody move!

Up here!
He's up here!

Are you Randy Marrrrrsh?

- Yeah?
- All right, we got him.

Hands behind your back.

Me?
I didn't do anything.

I'm just trying to beat my wife.

On your knees!
Hands behind your back now!

Hello?
Logan LaDouche?

Hello?
We know you're in there.

Go away.
I'm in enough trouble as it is.

Look, dude, we just
want to talk to you, okay?

No, not okay.
I'm in hiding.

How did you guys find me?

Dude, if you're in hiding,
you shouldn't probably post

videos of yourself at
the motel you're hiding in.

Shit.
Shit, I just can't help myself.

Brah, we need to know
the truth about Cred.

I'm sorry, okay?
I didn't mean to cause a riot.

Did Cred want us
all to kill each other?

If you found me, then so can they.
Just go.

Okay, okay, fine,
Mr. Influencer,

we'll leave.

- Yeah.
- What the fuck are you doing?

Where's the Cred?
You got some Cred?

Butters, Butters, calm down.

They're gonna take me out, man.

I should just turn myself
in. I'll be safer in jail.

Listen, dude, I went
to Pueblo 'cause of you.

Why did you tell us
we could get Mega Cred

when you knew
there wasn't enough?

Brah, I don't even
drink that crap.

Don't you get it, man?

I'm just this tiny little
piece of a very big lie.

You guys are all
being manipulated.

I trusted you. I've
watched all your videos,

and you told me to be
strong and never give up.

That's all just Cred
messing with me?

Don't you get it?
I don't work for Cred.

The Cred is just there
to get views, man.

'Cause kids love it so much.

But if Cred isn't your sponsor,
then-then who is?

If you knew,
it would make you sick.

They just use you
and Cred to get to us,

and those higher-up people

can get us some
limited-edition Cred?

- Who has the Cred?
- Butters, Jesus.

There-there she is.

Hey, Sharon.

This is my wife, Sharon.

She's an OnlyFans
model just like me.

We are both legally
supplementing our income.

So you work with
your husband, ma'am?

No, we have very different
OnlyFans accounts.

I could never do what he does.

Thanks, honey, it's nice
for you to finally admit it.

Now I'd like to know what
I'm being detained for.

Exposing children
to pornography,

soliciting nude
images to a minor,

child endangerment...

Come on, like it's just me?

Everybody's doing it.

There's an entire network
where everyone just pretends

Internet platforms
aren't made for children

but they all auction our
kids to the highest bidder.

You seem like some
kind of influencer expert.

Would you say these
things on record?

No, 'cause I'm a
sovereign citizen,

and I don't need
to tell you anything.

- Randy, you need to cooperate.
- Why?

I'll tell you why, scumbag.

Your posts drew
in a lot of children,

and they like to
copy what they see.

So then kids started creating
their own erotic content

based on yours.

- What?
- That's right.

We've just found
sexuality explicit,

pornographic images of minors.

I warn you, what
you are about to see

is extremely
disturbing and graphic.

God.

Don't close your eyes now.

You think these miners
deserved to be treated like this?

What have I done?
I had no idea.

Randy, you knew kids
were watching your content.

Yeah, but I never
knew it would lead to...

pornographic images of miners.

God, it's disgusting.

Being an influencer
is disgusting.

All right, I'm gonna tell
you everything I know

about how the system works.

This has to stop.

Hey, what's up, guys?

Just wanted to let
you all know that I think

maybe I'm gonna
get killed or arrested,

so I'm hiding out
in this motel room.

Be sure to like and subscribe.
It really helps the channel out.

Dude, will you
stop making videos?

I don't know what
else to do, okay?

All I've ever done is
make fucking videos.

But for who?
You said it wasn't for Cred,

so then who sponsors you?

I just wanted
to be a big influencer.

So I got put on this stage
and I was auctioned off

to the highest bidder.

People will pay anything to
push their agenda on you guys.

What, you mean, like, the
Chinese government or something?

I'm sponsored by people worse
than the Chinese government.

I can't tell you who they are,
because then the companies

that run the whole
system will have me killed.

We deserve to know
who's been manipulating us.

Tell us the truth and we'll
make sure you're safe, okay?

You promise?

Yes, we promise.

Fine.

The truth is,
I'm being paid by...

Whoops!

Okay, okay.

We don't care who's
trying to influence us!

The game is up, scumbag.

We know about
the whole operation.

We know everything.

The influencers are
being paid by organizations

to knowingly influence children.

The data shows that consumers

of social media platforms are
predominately adults over 21.

Come on.

Within tech companies,
it's an open secret

that millions of users are
actually under the age of 13.

Tech companies
are working diligently

to find ways to make the
Internet safer for children,

but these methods
are often criticized

for violating free speech.

Okay, and tech companies
use those assertions

and their endless cash to
keep regulations tied up in court

so they can continue
to profit off of our kids.

Okay, well, you'll never
take me alive, copper.

He's still alive.
Let's get City General out here.

Who do you work for?
Who's trying to influence me?

He's just the middleman, kids.

Whoever was trying to
influence you is still a mystery.

Hey, fellas, I got an idea.

How about we just
keep our affinity group,

but instead of it
being about Cred,

it's just about how proud
we are of who we are.

No, they won't let us do that,
Butters, 'cause we're white.

White people can't be
in groups talking about

how proud they are,
it doesn't fly.

Dang it.

Well, then, I guess
we just got to accept

that we're gonna go
to school tomorrow

and get totally boned.

Yep.

Hey, look, you guys.
It's Cred.

Mr. Marsh?
What are you doing with all that Cred?

I'm putting it where it belongs,
in the garbage.

But that's, like,
Jelly Roll Midnight Waffle House.

Do you know what that's worth?

Yeah, I know what it's worth.

It's worth gold to all
the people in the world

who want to use social
media to influence children.

But there's more to
life than making money.

And there's more to marriage
than just beating your wife.

The bottom line is that

all this social media
influencer garbage

is not suitable for children.

And if you're a kid
on social media,

you have to know that someone
is always trying to get to you.

All you have to
do is ask yourself,

"Who is it that wants to
influence me the most?"

Holy shit.

Janice!

Clyde, where have you been?
We've been worried sick.

It was you, this whole time.

You've been trying to
influence me for months.

Clyde, you really should have

let your father know
where you were...

You've been paying an
influencer to try and reach me,

and you caused this
whole fucking mess!

What is this about, Janice?

I don't think people understand
how hard it is to be a stepmom.

You want to try
and teach your kids,

but they don't listen because
you're not their "real parent."

I just wanted to be a good
influence on you, Clyde.

But influencing kids these days

requires good lighting
and a quality microphone.

But why Cred?
If you're so against it,

then why have it
in all those videos?

That was just to get
your views, Clyde.

Your views are
so important to me,

because we never talk.

Maybe what I did
was all a bit much,

but look at us.

Here we are, talking.

Janice, can I call you "Mom"?

Yes, of course.

Fuck you, Mom!

Whoa, Spencer, is that Mega Cred?

Yeah, pretty cool, right?

"Pretty cool"?
How'd you get that?

I just went to this
thing in Pueblo. No big deal.

Everyone! Everyone, can I
have your attention, please?

We have something really
important to tell you guys.

Tweek and Butters
and I have learned

a lot of things recently.

We have news that
you will all find shocking.

You see, we talked to Mr. Marsh,

and he gave us four bottles

of Jelly Roll Midnight
Waffle House.

No, no, no. Back up.

This is for the Cred
affinity group only.

- You can look at our Cred, but don't touch.
- All right!

Hey, Clyde.

Say, Clyde, you,

forgot your super
special Jelly Roll Cred

at the group meeting, remember?

It tastes amazing.

All right!

Yeah!
Clyde's got Cred again!