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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,103 "LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED 2 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,038 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,106 Mike: YEAH! 4 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,007 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 5 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:14,113 DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS. 6 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,782 YOU, ME, THE CROWD, AND THE BRONCOS. 7 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,050 AND JUSTIN. 8 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,385 I SAID, "THE CROWD." 9 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,120 YEAH, THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING ME, SIR. 10 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,287 AH, DON'T THANK ME. 11 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,056 THANK THE SEVEN PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T MAKE IT. 12 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,025 I'M GONNA RUN TO THE CONCESSION STAND. 13 00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,159 YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING? 14 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,160 A BEER. 15 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,561 OH, I'M NOT 21. 16 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,296 THEN YOU'LL BE GONE FOR A WHILE. 17 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,067 Stadium Announcer: ATTENTION, BRONCOS FANS -- 18 00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:38,170 A LUCKY FAN HAS BEEN SELECTED TO COME DOWN TO THE FIELD 19 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:41,974 AND TRY TO KICK A FIELD GOAL FOR VALUABLE PRIZES. 20 00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:45,544 THAT FAN IS SITTING IN SECTION 310... 21 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,813 ROW 3... 22 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,948 SEAT 4! 23 00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:53,085 MOVE! GO! 24 00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:57,222 LUCKY SEAT 4, COME ON DOWN! 25 00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,325 [ CROWD CHEERING ] 26 00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,894 WHAT SHOULD I DO? 27 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,996 WELL, IF I'VE LEARNED ONE THING FROM READING THE BIBLE, 28 00:01:03,998 --> 00:01:06,265 YOU HEAR A VOICE IN THE SKY TELLING YOU TO DO SOMETHING, 29 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,699 YOU OBEY. 30 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:08,700 LET'S GO. 31 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:09,701 COMING THROUGH. 32 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,771 -- Captions by VITAC -- 33 00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:18,444 WATCH HOW CLEAN THIS KICK IS. 34 00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:19,678 LOOK AT THAT. 35 00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,085 I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WOULDN'T LET EVE KEEP THE BALL. 36 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,219 I MEAN, WHAT'S A KID IN A WHEELCHAIR 37 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,487 GONNA DO WITH THAT BALL, ANYWAY? 38 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,356 ALL RIGHT. LET'S WATCH IT ONE MORE TIME. 39 00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:34,693 OOH, LET ME GUESS -- SHE MAKES IT AGAIN. 40 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,628 I THINK IT'S MORE FUN WHEN HE PLAYS IT BACKWARDS. 41 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,731 IT LOOKS LIKE EVE'S CATCHING THE BALL WITH HER FOOT. 42 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,634 IT IS SO NOT FAIR THAT EVE WON A CAMARO. 43 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,570 SHE'S 16. SHE'S NOT GETTING A CAMARO. 44 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,472 I GET A CAMARO. PLUS A HUGE TAX BILL. 45 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,307 THAT'S WHY WE'RE SELLING THE CAMARO. 46 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,476 YEAH, BUT THEN SHE'LL HAVE SOME MONEY FOR COLLEGE 47 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:51,410 AND A STORY TO TELL. 48 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:52,578 OH, YEAH, REALLY GREAT STORY -- 49 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,745 SHE KICKED A THINGY REALLY FAR 50 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:55,147 AND IT WENT BETWEEN TWO OTHER THINGIES. 51 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,381 [ MOCK CHEER ] 52 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:59,651 I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE GAME OF FOOTBALL. 53 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,754 WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT EVE FOR 24 HOURS STRAIGHT HERE! 54 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,990 I AM RUNNING MY OWN CLOTHING BUSINESS. 55 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,625 ISN'T ANYBODY IMPRESSED BY THAT? 56 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,160 OF COURSE, YES. GO AHEAD, HONEY. YEAH. 57 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,328 WE'RE ALL EARS. LET'S HEAR IT. 58 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,164 OKAY. I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS AMAZING IDEA FOR A SKIRT. 59 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,332 IT'S PLEATED BUT IT HAS -- 60 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,634 I'M GONNA BE ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM! 61 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,437 OKAY, SO THE COACH SAW MY FIELD GOAL 62 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,072 AND WANTS ME TO TRY OUT FOR PLACE-KICKER. 63 00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:23,275 A CHILD OF MINE IS GONNA BE ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM. 64 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,110 I THINK MY BUCKET LIST IS COMPLETE. 65 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,446 YOU CAN CRANK UP THAT RAPTURE ANYTIME YOU WANT. 66 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:30,182 T-T-THERE'S A GIRLS' FOOTBALL TEAM, RIGHT? 67 00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:32,117 NO, MOM. NO, THE REAL ONE, RIGHT? 68 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,119 I'M GONNA BE ON THE BOYS' TEAM, THE REAL TEAM... 69 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,420 WITH JUSTIN. 70 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:37,256 WOW. SO YOU'RE DATING A FOOTBALL PLAYER? 71 00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,992 NICE PULL. [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 72 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,493 THANK YOU. 73 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,962 LOOK, EVE, IF WOMEN START MOVING TO MEN'S TEAMS, 74 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:47,132 IT SENDS A MESSAGE THAT WOMEN'S SPORTS AREN'T AS GOOD AS MEN'S. 75 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,368 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE SENDS THAT SAME MESSAGE? 76 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,203 THE FACT THAT THEY'RE NOT AS GOOD. 77 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:53,839 HONEY, THIS IS VERY IMPRESSIVE, 78 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,807 BUT KRISTIN'S RIGHT -- YOU'RE ALREADY PLAYING SOCCER. 79 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,142 YOU MADE A COMMITMENT TO THEM. 80 00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:59,511 YEAH, BUT THAT'S A COMMITMENT TO A SOCCER TEAM. 81 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,880 THAT'S LIKE MAKING A PROMISE TO A CAT. 82 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,815 HONEY, THOSE GIRLS ARE COUNTING ON YOU. 83 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,151 YEAH, EVE. YOU ARE THE BEST PLAYER ON THE SOCCER TEAM. 84 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,521 GREAT. HEY, JUSTIN, YOU WANT TO DATE A FOOTBALL PLAYER OR NOT? 85 00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:13,559 LISTEN, EVE, YOUR MOM MAKES A GOOD POINT. THANK YOU. YES. 86 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,694 YOU CAN WAIT A YEAR TO GO ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM. 87 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,564 YOU CAN HOLD THE RAPTURE. I GOT ANOTHER YEAR HERE. 88 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,133 FINE. AT LEAST I STILL HAVE THE CAR. 89 00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:23,101 WELL... 90 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,337 WHAT? 91 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,838 WE'RE NOT GONNA KEEP THE CAMARO. 92 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,540 WE'RE GONNA SELL IT, BECAUSE THAT FREE CAMARO 93 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,176 IS ACTUALLY COSTING ME LIKE 20 GRAND IN TAXES. 94 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:33,045 FOR WHAT? SO OBAMA CAN BUY MORE HAPPY-MEALS 95 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,313 FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS? 96 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,016 NICE TRY. 97 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,518 BUT I'M STILL SELLING THE CAMARO. 98 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,253 LOOK, WHEN WE SELL THE CAR, 99 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,354 THEN YOU'LL HAVE MORE MONEY FOR COLLEGE. 100 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,855 I WON'T NEED MONEY FOR COLLEGE. 101 00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,190 THERE'S NO TUITION AT WEST POINT. 102 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:46,725 BUT WEST POINT IS NOT SET IN STONE. 103 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,227 YOU MIGHT DECIDE TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. 104 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:50,729 WHAT? NO. I'M COMMITTED TO GOING TO WEST POINT. 105 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,931 AND I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT COMMITMENTS. 106 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,433 LOOK, HONEY! EVE, EVE, HOLD ON A SECOND. 107 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,068 W-W-WHY DID YOU SAY THAT ABOUT WEST POINT? 108 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:56,935 HONEY. 109 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,437 HONEY, WE GOTTA -- 110 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:00,572 WHAT'S UP? 111 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,874 UH, THIS IS AWKWARD, 112 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,244 BUT EVE INVITED ME TO STAY FOR DINNER. 113 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,778 UMM...WHY DON'T YOU POP OUT 114 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,447 AND GET US A BOTTLE OF WINE, THEN. 115 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,450 I'M STILL NOT 21. 116 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:14,019 TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. 117 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,392 OH, I AGREE WITH VANESSA. 118 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,728 EVE SHOULDN'T BE ON THAT FOOTBALL TEAM. 119 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:26,732 I STILL CAN'T WRAP MY MIND AROUND WOMEN WANTING TO BE MEN. 120 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,367 SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE A MAN. 121 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,068 SHE'S GOT BIGGER DREAMS THAN THAT -- 122 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,937 SHE WANTS TO BE ME. 123 00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,073 YOU'VE BEEN A HELL OF A ROLE-MODEL, MIKEY. 124 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,442 THANKS. I JUST HOPE I HAVEN'T SET THE BAR TOO HIGH. 125 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,778 I MEAN, THERE'S DAYS I CAN'T EVEN PULL IT OFF. 126 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,246 OH! LOOK AT THIS. 127 00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,247 CHECK THIS OUT. 128 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:45,050 PINK CAMOUFLAGE! 129 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,419 YOU KNOW, FOR THE LADIES. 130 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,554 SO THEY CAN HUNT FLAMINGOS? 131 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:52,991 IF THEY GET THE PROPER PERMITS, I HAVE NO OBJECTIONS. 132 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,260 DID YOU KNOW THAT FLAMINGOS GET THEIR COLOR 133 00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:58,096 BECAUSE THEY EAT SO MUCH SHRIMP? 134 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,232 BOY, I WISH I WAS A FLAMINGO. 135 00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:02,434 BECAUSE YOU LIKE SHRIMP THAT MUCH? 136 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,369 NO, THAT WOULD BE THE ONE DOWN-SIDE. 137 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,306 LOOK. WHY DON'T YOU GET THIS ON THE FLOOR. 138 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:08,674 GET THIS ON THE FLOOR. YES, SIR. 139 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:12,778 YOU KNOW, PINK CAMOUFLAGE SERVES NO PRACTICAL PURPOSE. 140 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:16,915 WOMEN LOVE PINK, MIKEY. I DON'T MAKE THE RULES. 141 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,417 OH, AND BY THE WAY, 142 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:21,286 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO CALLED ME ON THE PHONE THIS MORNING? 143 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,286 DO YOU WANT ME TO GUESS, 144 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:24,289 OR DO YOU ACTUALLY NOT KNOW WHO YOU TALKED TO THIS MORNING? 145 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,759 CONGRESSWOMAN DeWITT. FIRST DISTRICT. 146 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,828 SHE AGREED TO WRITE A LETTER OF NOMINATION 147 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,430 FOR EVE TO GO TO WEST POINT. 148 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,297 HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK? 149 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,765 [ CHUCKLES ] THANK YOU, MY FRIEND. 150 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,134 THAT'LL HELP WITH HER APPLICATION. 151 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,469 HOW DID YOU SWING THAT? 152 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,870 WELL, LET'S JUST SAY 153 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,273 I GAVE GENEROUSLY TO HER CAMPAIGN. 154 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:43,141 YOU DON'T NEED TO WHISPER. 155 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,645 IT'S ACTUALLY LEGAL TO GIVE MONEY TO POLITICIANS. 156 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,946 IN THAT CASE... 157 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,449 [ Shouting ] I GAVE GENEROUSLY TO HER CAMPAIGN! 158 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,718 WE COULD ALSO USE HELP FROM BOTH U.S. SENATORS... 159 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,052 AND MAYBE JOE BIDEN. 160 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,854 'CAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING ELSE. 161 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,323 HE'S JUST OBAMA'S FOREIGN POLICY ADVISOR. 162 00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,559 AND YOU CAN SEE HOW WELL THAT'S GOING. 163 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,133 MOM, DAD... 164 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,201 I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. 165 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:10,369 I TALKED TO MY SOCCER COACH, 166 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,871 AND THEY'RE GONNA WORK AROUND MY PRACTICE SCHEDULE 167 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,473 SO THAT I CAN DO FOOTBALL AND SOCCER. 168 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:18,744 GREAT. I LOOK FORWARD TO ATTENDING ONE OF THOSE GAMES. 169 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,512 HEY. HEY, HEY. NO, NO. NO. 170 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,047 YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FOOTBALL. 171 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,915 NO. NOT WITH THE SIZE OF THOSE GUYS OUT THERE. 172 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,016 IT'S NOT SAFE. 173 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,551 BUT, MOM, KICKERS NEVER GET HURT. 174 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,753 AND WHEN I'M ON THE FIELD, 175 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,654 IT'S THE ENTIRE TEAM'S JOB TO PROTECT ME. 176 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,857 SHE'S RIGHT, HONEY. IT'S LIKE THE SECRET SERVICE. 177 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,024 EXCEPT... 178 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,327 EXCEPT THEY'RE NOT PROTECTING A DICTATOR 179 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:38,330 WHO'S SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROYING AMERICA. 180 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,500 MOM. PLEASE. I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS. 181 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,501 YOUR -- YOUR FATHER AND I, WE'RE JUST -- 182 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,602 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. 183 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,370 THINK ABOUT IT MORE THAN THIS? 184 00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:47,506 WE -- WE DIDN'T THINK THIS MUCH ABOUT HAVING THE KIDS. 185 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,409 MOM. PLEASE? 186 00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:52,077 ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO ALONG WITH IT, 187 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,446 BUT I'M ON RECORD FOR SAYING IT'S A BAD IDEA. 188 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:55,747 WHICH, AS YOU RECALL, 189 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,216 IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID ABOUT HAVING THESE KIDS. 190 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,786 Eve: YES! THANKS, GUYS! 191 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,955 YOU ARE LOOKING AT WOODBRIDGE HIGH'S NEW PLACE-KICKER. 192 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,857 I'M ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM. NO. 193 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,759 TELL YOUR COACH YOU CAN'T BE NUMBER 22. 194 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,361 I DATED NUMBER 22... 195 00:07:09,363 --> 00:07:12,597 BRAD... PFFFT...SOMETHING. 196 00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,467 TOO MANY MEMORIES. 197 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:19,571 HMM. YEAH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET THAT JERSEY STEAM-CLEANED. 198 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,306 ARE YOU KIDDING? I'M NEVER TAKING THIS OFF. 199 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,874 WHEN I WALK AROUND SCHOOL WEARING THIS, 200 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,476 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ATTENTION I'LL GET? 201 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,878 THE SAME AMOUNT I USED TO GET WEARING... 202 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,914 WELL, ANYTHING, REALLY. [ LAUGHS ] 203 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:32,417 WELL, I'LL BE GETTING ATTENTION FOR SOMETHING I ACTUALLY DO. 204 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,486 WHICH WAS KIND OF TRUE OF MANDY, AS WELL. 205 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:38,590 NOW THE PROBLEM IS... JUSTIN. 206 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,559 HE'S BEING SUPER-MOPEY. 207 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,161 SO HE HAS MORE THAN ONE EXPRESSION? 208 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,096 IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS. 209 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:49,501 JUSTIN IS STRUGGLING WITH ISSUES OF EMASCULATION. 210 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,606 I'M TAKING PSYCH THIS SEMESTER AND, UH, I COULD BE WRONG... 211 00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:58,577 BUT I JUST THINK THAT JUSTIN IS... 212 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,579 A PSYCHOLOGY. 213 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:03,415 NO. YOU CAN'T USE THAT WORD LIKE THAT. 214 00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,184 UH, MAYBE YOU CAN'T, DROP-OUT! 215 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,853 [ LAUGHING ] 216 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,488 IT'S REALLY HARD SOMETIMES FOR GUYS 217 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,456 WHEN THEIR GIRLFRIENDS ARE BETTER THAN THEM AT GUY-STUFF. 218 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:12,991 NO, IT IS NOT YOUR JOB 219 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,626 TO PROTECT JUSTIN'S FRAGILE EGO, OKAY? 220 00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,027 HE SHOULD BE HAPPY THAT HE HAS 221 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,629 AN ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN IN HIS LIFE. 222 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,997 SURE, BUT WHAT SHE'S ACCOMPLISHED 223 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,532 IS BEING MORE OF A DUDE THAN HE IS. 224 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,033 COME ON. 225 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,468 YOU HAVE TO PROTECT JUSTIN. 226 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,136 I DO IT ALL THE TIME WITH KYLE, 227 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,838 YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF HOW HE FINDS ME 228 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,541 SO INTELLECTUALLY INTIMIDATING. 229 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,711 SOUNDS LIKE KYLE IS "A PSYCHOLOGY," TOO. 230 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,814 JUST TALK TO JUSTIN ABOUT WHAT'S BOTHERING HIM. 231 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,115 BUT TRY NOT TO BE INTIMIDATING. 232 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,350 SO START OUT BY PRETENDING 233 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,885 THAT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK YOUR PHONE. 234 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,887 BE LIKE...EHH. 235 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,389 NO, NO, IF YOU RESPECT HIM, 236 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,491 YOU WILL TALK TO HIM LIKE A PERSON. 237 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,560 I LIKE HANGING WITH JUSTIN 238 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:51,830 BUT I HATE THE TALKY, GIRLY, EMOTION-Y PART. 239 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,466 YOU MEAN THE RELATIONSHIP PART. 240 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,401 YOU KNOW, TALKING ABOUT OUR FEELINGS 241 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,471 IS HOW PEOPLE DEVELOP INTIMACY. 242 00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:03,475 GROSS. I NEED TO GO SEE A MAN ABOUT A HORSE. 243 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:06,244 WOW. SHE REALLY DIDN'T GET ANY OF MOM'S GENES, DID SHE? 244 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,313 NOT A SINGLE PAIR. 245 00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,656 Stadium Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 246 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,225 WELCOME YOUR WOODBRIDGE HUSKIES 247 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,893 [ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ] AS THEY TAKE THE FIELD! 248 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,762 THERE SHE IS! 249 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,897 THERE'S EVE! 250 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,567 OH, GOD. I CAN'T WATCH. IS SHE OKAY? 251 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,102 SHE HASN'T EVEN COME THROUGH THE BANNER YET, OKAY? 252 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:35,006 BUT THERE'S STILL TIME FOR A MASSIVE PAPER-CUT, OKAY? 253 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,775 KICKERS NEVER GET HURT. 254 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:37,709 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 255 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,277 KICKERS DON'T GET HURT, COME ON. 256 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,111 WELL, ALMOST NEVER. 257 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,613 IF A KICK IS BLOCKED, 258 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:43,448 IT'S A LOOSE BALL, EVERYBODY GOES AFTER IT 259 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,585 AND THAT 78 THERE COULD... FLATTEN HER. 260 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,187 UH, SWEETIE, STAY AWAY FROM 78! 261 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,722 VANESSA, SHE'S GONNA BE FINE. 262 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,857 IF ANY GIRL CAN PULL THIS OFF, IT'S EVE. 263 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,392 SHE'S NOT SCARED OF NOTHIN'. 264 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,794 YOU KNOW WHO SHE REMINDS ME OF? 265 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,063 THANKS, DAD, BUT SHE GETS A LOT OF THIS FROM YOU, TOO. 266 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:01,533 YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY? LIQUID COURAGE IS STILL COURAGE. 267 00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:04,235 SHE ACTUALLY REMINDS ME OF YOUR BROTHER JIMMY. 268 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,537 WHAT? WHAT AN ATHLETE. 269 00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:08,406 DID YOU KNOW JIMMY PLAYED FOOTBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL? 270 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,375 I PLAYED FOOTBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL, TOO. 271 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,411 EVE ALREADY SPENT MORE TIME ON THE FIELD THAN YOU EVER DID. 272 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,648 I SCORED A TOUCHDOWN DURING HOMECOMING, DAD. 273 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,550 I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WAS JIMMY. 274 00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,052 THAT WAS ME. 275 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,320 FINE. 276 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,855 WE'LL AGREE TO DISAGREE. 277 00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:28,560 Stadium Announcer: THIRD-AND-GOAL FOR WOODBRIDGE. 278 00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:32,163 BALL ON THE 5-YARD LINE. TIMEOUT, WOODBRIDGE. 279 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,398 THIS IS RIDICULOUS! 280 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,800 THERE'S 16 SECONDS LEFT, YOU'RE DOWN BY 2. 281 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,602 PUT IN THE FIELD-GOAL KICKER! NO! 282 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,638 GIVE IT A REST, BAXTER! 283 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,640 LET THE COACH CALL THE PLAYS. 284 00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,409 GIVE IT TO MY BOY AGAIN! 285 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,644 YOU KNOW, LARABEE, 286 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:48,113 I FORGOT YOUR SON PLAYS ON MY DAUGHTER'S FOOTBALL TEAM. 287 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,815 BRANDON IS A TWO-WAY PLAYER AND CO-CAPTAIN. 288 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,318 GIRL ON THE TEAM -- KIND OF A GIMMICK. 289 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,786 A GIMMICK? 290 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,656 YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT JACKIE ROBINSON. 291 00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,024 [ CHUCKLES ] 292 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,326 NOW, I KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF NOISE IN HERE... 293 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,094 BUT I THINK I JUST HEARD YOU 294 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,097 COMPARE JACKIE ROBINSON TO A LITTLE WHITE GIRL. 295 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,700 NOW JUST WATCH, BAXTER. 296 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,135 THEY'RE GONNA GIVE THE BALL TO BRANDON, 297 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:12,103 HE'S GONNA PUNCH IT IN FROM THE 5-YARD LINE. 298 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,872 GO, BRANDON! GO, BRANDON! GO! 299 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,774 GO. GO. GO. GO! 300 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:16,608 ARGH! 301 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,209 Crowd: AWW. 302 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:22,714 BRANDON LARABEE BROUGHT DOWN FOR A 2-YARD LOSS. 303 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:23,882 MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC 304 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,583 ABOUT THE DIRECTION YOU WANTED HIM TO RUN. 305 00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:29,220 GOOD THING THERE'S A BAXTER IN TO CLEAN UP THIS MESS! 306 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:32,123 GO, EVE! BUT CAREFULLY! 307 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,858 OH, I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I'M GOING BACK TO THE CAR. 308 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,527 ALL RIGHT, EVE. LINE IT UP. 309 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:36,394 LINE IT UP! 310 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,529 Player: HUT! HUT! BOOT IT! 311 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,329 COME ON, COME ON! 312 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,364 YEAH! 313 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,566 [ CHEERING ] 314 00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:44,202 HEY, HOW ABOUT A GIMMICK LIKE THAT? 315 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:47,706 A GIMMICK THAT ACTUALLY MOVES THE NUMBERS ON THE SCOREBOARD! 316 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,742 WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO VANESSA? 317 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,377 DOESN'T SHE LIKE FOOTBALL? 318 00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:04,022 HEY! GOOD GAME TONIGHT. 319 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,591 YEAH, YOU HAD A GOOD ONE. 320 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,727 I BARELY EVEN PLAYED. 321 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:11,229 SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO SHOWER. 322 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,164 I WAS COVERED IN GATORADE. 323 00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:19,738 SO I GUESS WE SHOULD... 324 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,740 PROBABLY TALK? 325 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:22,707 ABOUT WHAT? 326 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,843 ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU SEEM TO BE BUGGED 327 00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,578 THAT I'M BETTER THAN YOU AT FOOTBALL. 328 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,681 WHO SAYS YOU'RE BETTER? 329 00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:30,882 UH, THE GATORADE 330 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,451 AND THE 40 GUYS WHO CARRIED ME OFF THE FIELD. 331 00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:36,421 I MEAN, ONE OF US WON THE GAME TONIGHT 332 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,890 AND ONE OF US ONLY GOT OFF THE BENCH TO RUN FROM A BEE. 333 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,526 EVE, I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT, 334 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:42,894 LIKE, WHO'S BETTER THAN WHO. 335 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,062 COME ON, JUSTIN. 336 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,764 I-I GET IT IF YOU FEEL EMASCULATED. 337 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,298 EVE, GET OVER YOURSELF. 338 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:50,602 LOOK, I-I LIKE THAT YOU'RE GOOD AT STUFF, I DO, BUT... 339 00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:53,972 ...THAT DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM ME. 340 00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,442 AND I DON'T FEEL EMASCULATED. 341 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,409 I FEEL LUCKY. 342 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:02,814 REALLY? 343 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,749 YEAH. 344 00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,384 COOL. 345 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:12,791 SO...IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM, 346 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,793 THEN WHY HAVE YOU BEEN ACTING SO WEIRD 347 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,895 SINCE THIS WHOLE FOOTBALL THING STARTED? 348 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,429 BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED AT THE BRONCO GAME. 349 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,265 YOU JUST JUMPED IN MY SEAT, EVE. 350 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,667 I MEAN, TECHNICALLY, THE CAMARO YOU WON SHOULD BE MINE. 351 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,270 MY -- MY DAD'S NOT EVEN LETTING ME KEEP THE CAMARO. 352 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,806 YEAH, WELL, MY DAD MIGHT'VE, BUT I'LL NEVER KNOW, 353 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,808 SINCE I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO DO THE KICK. 354 00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,976 W-W-WHICH YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MADE ANYWAY. 355 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,913 THE MOST YOU WOULD'VE GOTTEN WAS 20 YARDS. 356 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:37,682 I OWE YOU A PAPA JOHN'S GIFT CARD...MAYBE. 357 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:40,451 [ SCOFFS ] I-I COULD'VE MADE THE 40. 358 00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:41,753 [ SCOFFS ] OKAY. 359 00:13:41,755 --> 00:13:44,956 LET'S GO DOWN TO THE FIELD RIGHT NOW... 360 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,324 YOU KICK A 40-YARDER, 361 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,859 I'LL MAKE MY DAD GIVE YOU THE CAR. 362 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,039 JUST TAKE ME TO PAPA JOHN'S, WE'LL CALL IT EVEN. 363 00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:05,210 [ CHUCKLES ] 364 00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:16,154 HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE FOR OUTDOOR MAN 365 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,023 WITH SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES. 366 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,392 NO, NOT ME. SORRY. I'M TAKEN. 367 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,861 I MEAN THIS... 368 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,696 PINK CAMOUFLAGE. 369 00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:25,897 YOU PROBABLY CAN'T SEE HER 370 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:27,799 'CAUSE SHE BLENDS IN WITH EVERYTHING. 371 00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:29,868 PINK CAMO -- PRETTY MUCH USELESS 372 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,370 UNLESS YOU'RE STORMING BARBIE'S DREAMHOUSE. 373 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,639 WHY DO WE SELL SOMETHING THAT'S USELESS? 374 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:37,308 BECAUSE WOMEN LIKE PINK. 375 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,977 "WELL, THAT'S A STEREOTYPE," YOU SAY. 376 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:42,680 IS IT INSENSITIVE? YES. BECAUSE MEN ARE INSENSITIVE. 377 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,816 THAT IS ALSO A STEREOTYPE. 378 00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:46,818 ARE SOME OF THEM TRUE? SURE, SOME OF THEM ARE TRUE, 379 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,186 BUT I DON'T WANT TO SAY WHICH ONES 380 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,888 BECAUSE THEN THE FEMALE VIEWERS WILL ALL BE... 381 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:50,889 [ IMITATES CHATTER ] 382 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,025 OOPS. ANOTHER ONE SLIPPED OUT. 383 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,928 STEREOTYPES ARE OFTEN DEFINED BY EXCEPTIONS. 384 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,863 THE AKA PYGMIES OF CENTRAL AFRICA, 385 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,232 THE WOMEN ARE THE PRIMARY HUNTERS. 386 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,002 DOES THAT MAKE THE PYGMY MEN FEEL SMALL? 387 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,403 REALLY HARD TO TELL. 388 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,107 MAYBE THE MEN JUST SIT BACK, ENJOY ALL THAT FREE HIPPO JERKY 389 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:12,877 AND COMPLAIN THAT THE HUT "IS SO COLD!" 390 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,346 ANYWAY, TO HONOR THE FEMALE HUNTERS, 391 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,917 OUTDOOR MAN IS HOLDING OUR WOMEN-WARRIORS WEEKEND. 392 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:21,619 OUR CAMO IS 20% OFF, GREEN OR PINK. 393 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,055 JUST BRING LOTS OF YOUR GREEN STUFF 394 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,758 BECAUSE YOU LADIES SURE KNOW HOW TO SPEND IT. 395 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,360 OH, ANOTHER ONE SLIPPED OUT. 396 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,564 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 397 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:34,899 HEY, DAD. COME ON IN. 398 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,434 OH, PLEASE TELL ME 399 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,870 YOU DIDN'T TAKE THAT FROM A KID IN A WHEELCHAIR. 400 00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,472 HI, VANESSA. HEY, BUD. 401 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,774 I FOUND THIS FOR EVE. 402 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:43,908 IT'S THE GAME BALL 403 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,210 FROM WHEN YOUR SCHOOL WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP. 404 00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,912 I KNOW MIKE REMEMBERS THIS GAME. 405 00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,047 OH, YEAH? 406 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,815 JIMMY SCORED THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN, 407 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,985 AND MIKE GOT TO CHEER HIM ON FROM THE BENCH. 408 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:57,588 MOM! I HAD A BIG BREAKTHROUGH ON THAT SKIRT I WAS WORKING ON. 409 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,925 CAN I SHOW YOU? OF COURSE. I'D LOVE TO SEE ANYTHING THAT YOU DESIGN. 410 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:01,659 SO... 411 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,460 HEY, GUYS. 412 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,294 HEY. 413 00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:05,596 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] OH, MY GOD! EVE! 414 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,231 HEY. YOU'RE HURT! 415 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:10,835 FORGET IT. I'LL JUST FINISH MY STORY WHEN EVE GOES OFF TO COLLEGE. 416 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,738 DON'T GET FREAKED OUT. I'M FINE. 417 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,239 SO WHAT'S WITH THE CRUTCHES? 418 00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:17,976 YOU JUST WANTED TO PARK CLOSER TO THE HOUSE, DIDN'T YA? 419 00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,078 SHE JUST SPRAINED HER KNEE AT PRACTICE. 420 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,279 I-I-I TWEAKED IT. 421 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,348 I JUST NEED TO GET UPSTAIRS AND GET MY WEIGHT OFF IT. 422 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,482 ALL RIGHT. I'LL BRING YOU SOME ICE. 423 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,850 YOU KNOW, IT'S ALREADY FEELING BETTER. 424 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:30,121 UNRELATED -- HOW MUCH ASPIRIN CAN ONE TAKE BEFORE IT'S LETHAL? 425 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,457 ASKING FOR A FRIEND. 426 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:35,193 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID WAS GONNA HAPPEN. 427 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,862 SO YOU JINXED HER! THANKS A LOT! 428 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,932 SHE'S OUT THERE WITH ALL THOSE GIANT 78's AND 85's -- 429 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,935 IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SHE GOT INJURED. 430 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:46,037 YOU KNOW WHO NEVER GOT INJURED -- DAD! 431 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,873 I DON'T WANT HER PLAYING IN THAT GAME FRIDAY NIGHT 432 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,375 OR ANY OTHER FRIDAY NIGHT. 433 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,776 I WANT HER OFF THAT TEAM. 434 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:54,278 SO IT'S TOO LATE TO ASK YOU NOT TO OVERREACT. 435 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,447 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] I'M NOT OVERREACTING. 436 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:57,515 YEAH? 437 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,183 I AM SO SORRY! YOU PROBABLY HATE ME! 438 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,286 WELL, YOU'RE A TEENAGER, SO CHANCES ARE VERY GOOD. 439 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,189 WHAT IS IT, CAMMY? 440 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:08,059 WE WERE AT SOCCER PRACTICE AND WE BOTH WENT FOR THE BALL, 441 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,994 AND I GUESS EVE TWISTED HER KNEE, 442 00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:12,163 AND IT'S MY STUPID FAULT! 443 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,965 SO THIS HAPPENED AT SOCCER. 444 00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:18,636 OH, MY GOD! WHAT IF THIS MEANS EVE HAS TO QUIT SOCCER? 445 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,705 WHAT IF SHE NEVER COMES BACK TO ME? 446 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,540 TO US. THE TEAM. 447 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,543 EVE PLAYS SOCCER, TOO? 448 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,012 YES, AND SHE'S AMAZING. 449 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:31,315 SHE'S LIKE A YOUNG LEOPARD, BUT ALSO A WARM SPRING BREEZE. 450 00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:33,051 AND A DAISY. 451 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:38,189 I'M OLD, LITTLE GIRL. YOU HAVE TO TRY TO MAKE SENSE. 452 00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:39,490 CAMMY, EVE'S GONNA BE FINE. 453 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,559 LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS UPSTAIRS FOR HER KNEE 454 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:42,660 IF YOU WANT TO BE HELPFUL. 455 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,796 THANK YOU, EVE'S MOM! 456 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,166 THAT IS A STRANGE CHILD. 457 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,166 LISTEN, HONEY... 458 00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:53,171 I THINK THE GAME OF FOOTBALL IS DUE A LITTLE APOLOGY. 459 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,106 I DON'T CARE, MIKE. I DON'T CARE. 460 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,908 SHE'S QUITTING. IT'S TOO DANGEROUS. 461 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,342 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THIS HAPPENED AT SOCCER. 462 00:17:58,344 --> 00:17:59,911 SHE'S BEEN PLAYING SOCCER FOR NINE YEARS, 463 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:00,911 NOTHING'S EVER HAPPENED. 464 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,047 I MEAN NOTHING -- NO SCORING, NO ACTION, NOTHING. 465 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:06,117 NINE YEARS OF ME IN THE STANDS WITH YOU NEXT TO ME... 466 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,086 "WAKE UP, GET UP, IT'S OVER, WAKE UP!" 467 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,520 IT'S ALL TOO MUCH, MIKE. 468 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,090 T-THE FOOTBALL, THE SOCCER, THE JUNIOR ROTC. 469 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,759 COME ON. WE CAN'T STOP HER FROM DOING FUN, CRAZY STUFF. 470 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,760 THAT'S WHO SHE IS. 471 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,395 YEAH, BECAUSE YOU MADE HER THAT WAY. 472 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:18,896 YOU'RE BLAMING ME... YES. 473 00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,099 ...FOR OUR OVER-ACHIEVING, ATHLETIC, BRILLIANT DAUGHTER, 474 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,066 THEN I'LL TAKE THAT. 475 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,534 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M BLAMING YOU FOR? 476 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:24,902 THIS. THIS. 477 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,071 IT'S A NOMINATION LETTER FOR WEST POINT. YEAH. 478 00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,039 CAME THREE DAYS AGO. 479 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:30,108 IT'S FROM CONGRESSWOMAN DeWITT. GREAT. 480 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,375 I ASKED ED TO HELP US OUT. 481 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,577 THIS IS GREAT NEWS. 482 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,412 HE THINKS HE CAN GET JOE BIDEN TO DO THIS. 483 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,380 HE KNOWS THE GUY THAT WHITENS HIS TEETH. 484 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:39,917 I DON'T WANT EVE GOING TO WEST POINT. 485 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:40,917 I DON'T. 486 00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:43,454 IT WAS ONE THING WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE, BUT NOW IT'S JUST... 487 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,089 IT'S -- IT'S STARTING TO BE TOO REAL, MIKE. 488 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,058 IF EVE BECOMES A SOLDIER, 489 00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:51,095 JUST THINK -- SOMEDAY, THE NEWS AT OUR FRONT DOOR... 490 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:53,331 IT -- IT MIGHT BE WORSE THAN A HURT KNEE. 491 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,000 I'M SCARED OF THIS, TOO. OKAY? 492 00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:59,170 IT'S THE MOST TERRIFYING THING I EVER WENT THROUGH. 493 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,104 BEING A SOLDIER. 494 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,074 NAH. BEING A PARENT. 495 00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,009 CAN'T PROTECT YOUR KIDS FROM THE CHOICES THEY WANNA MAKE, 496 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:07,111 EVEN WHEN THEY'RE SCARING THE HELL OUTTA YOU. 497 00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,014 OKAY, SO, UH... SO, WHAT DID YOU DO? 498 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,050 I TRY TO SHUT DOWN MY EMOTIONS. 499 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,319 I'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT. 500 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,255 THIS HELPS. 501 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:21,159 SO OUTSIDE OF USING ALCOHOL TO PUSH DOWN YOUR EMOTIONS, 502 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:22,326 WE CAN TRY TO KEEP THE KID SAFE 503 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,928 WHILE SHE'S LIVING UNDER OUR ROOF. 504 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,263 THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO. 505 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,332 I WANT TO SUPPORT EVE IN EVERYTHING THAT SHE DOES, BUT... 506 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,534 YOU CAN'T HOLD HER BACK 507 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,369 FROM BEING THE WOMAN THAT SHE WANTS TO BE. 508 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,104 THE WORLD'S GONNA DO ENOUGH OF THAT. 509 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:37,041 I'M WITH MY SON, THE FEMINIST, ON THIS. 510 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,345 IT'S NEVER GONNA GET EASY, IS IT? 511 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:44,916 I TOLD YOU KIDS WERE A BAD IDEA. 512 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,052 [ SIGHS ] 513 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,954 AH, HERE. MIGHT AS WELL GIVE THIS TO EVE. 514 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,455 SHE'LL BE REALLY HAPPY TO SEE IT. 515 00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,891 UH, YOU SHOULD GIVE IT TO HER. 516 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:57,395 WHY ME? WELL, I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK I OPENED HER MAIL. 517 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,130 THAT IS, IN FACT, A FELONY. 518 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,306 GOOD JOB, MIKE. 519 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,241 THANKS, DAD. 520 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:13,010 UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT FOR YOUR KIDS... 521 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,045 MM-HMM. 522 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,547 ...AND NEVER, EVER SHOW FAVORITES. 523 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,283 I GOT THAT FROM JIMMY. 524 00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:30,995 WELL, THAT'S -- THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIC. 525 00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,264 EVE'S A GREAT KID. EVE'S A GREAT KID. 526 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,833 AND WEST POINT HAS ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF HERS, SIR. 527 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,269 YEAH, SO THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 528 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,005 IT'S BEEN AN HONOR SPEAKING WITH YOU, MR. VICE PRESIDENT, 529 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,441 AND I'M SURE YOU HAVE -- SURE YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO 530 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,244 WITH YOUR TIME RIGHT NOW, SIR, YOUR VALUABLE TIME. 531 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,412 NO, I-I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING PRESSING 532 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,181 I HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW. 533 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,850 DO I LIKE JOKES? 534 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,353 SURE, SURE. GO AHEAD. 535 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,687 ALL RIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ] YEAH. 536 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,623 OKAY, UH... 537 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:03,494 HOW MANY DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB, SIR? 538 00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:07,932 REALLY? WELL, THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE 539 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:12,470 TO DO WHAT SEEMS TO BE LIKE A RELATIVELY SIMPLE TASK. 540 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,038 UM... 541 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,973 WHA-- SIR? 542 00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,609 DID I HEAR A TOILET FLUSH? 40464

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