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1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,969
"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,537
IN FRONT OF A LIVESTUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,139
YOU KNOW,
I AM ALL FOR TECHNOLOGY,
4
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,340
BUT IT IS STILL WEIRD
5
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,043
THAT BOYD IS E-MAILING
HIS CHRISTMAS LIST TO SANTA.
6
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:14,847
WHAT'S WEIRDER IS
THAT SANTA'S STILL USING AOL.
7
00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,050
UH, NOPE.
HE IS AN OLD WHITE GUY.
8
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,319
WE GOT A TREE!
9
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,687
YOU GOT A TREE!
WOW!
10
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,822
MIKE, YOU KNOW I DON'T BELIEVE
IN CHRISTMAS TREES.
11
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,091
AND YET...HERE IT IS.
12
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,862
I'M GONNA GO
MAKE SOME DECORATIONS.
13
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,030
GOOD IDEA.
14
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,364
IT'S KIND OF
A SMALL TREE,
15
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,899
BUT IT JUST MAKES THE PRESENTS
YOU PUT UNDER IT LOOK BIGGER.
16
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,068
IT'S A TRICK YOUR MOM AND I USED
DURING THE LEAN YEARS.
17
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,636
OH, IT IS VERY THOUGHTFUL,
OKAY?
18
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,671
WE -- WE WERE DOING WITHOUT
TO SAVE MONEY.
19
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,407
WELL, WE DO HAVE A WEDDING
TO SAVE UP FOR.
20
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,842
AH, YES, THE WEDDING.
21
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,645
WELL, YOUR MOM AND I
WANTED TO HELP, UH,
22
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,880
JUST A LITTLE BIT
WITH THAT.
23
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,818
$20,000?
24
00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:56,155
[ LAUGHS ]
MIKE, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
25
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,090
I'M...SPEECHLESS.
26
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,758
WOW,
20 GRAND WELL SPENT.
27
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:03,062
[ LAUGHS ]
28
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,196
JUST ONE
LITTLE CONDITION.
29
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,365
OH, OF COURSE
THERE'S ONE CONDITION.
30
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,767
WHAT HAPPENED
TO "SPEECHLESS"?
31
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,769
YOUR MOM AND I
REALLY WOULD LIKE YOU
32
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,738
TO HAVE THE WEDDING
AT ST. MARK'S.
33
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,541
YEAH, WE ACTUALLY HAD
A DIFFERENT VENUE IN MIND.
34
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:18,544
YEAH, UM, OUR PLAN IS
TO GET MARRIED IN ESTES PARK,
35
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,279
UNDER A TREE
IN THE FOREST.
36
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,015
NO, NO. I THINK A MOOSE
ALREADY HAS THAT VENUE BOOKED.
37
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:25,050
WE FOUND
A NATIVE AMERICAN OFFICIANT
38
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,886
WHO SPECIALIZES
IN MULTICULTURAL CEREMONIES.
39
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,923
THERE'S GONNA BE CHANTING
AND DRUMS AND DIDGERIDOOS.
40
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:32,925
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE
20 GRAND, THOUGH.
41
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,527
SOUNDS LIKE...
ABOUT 8 BUCKS
42
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,529
AND THE LONGEST AFTERNOON
OF MY LIFE.
43
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,198
SO, LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.
44
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,400
YOU'RE TRYING TO
BRIBE US WITH A CHECK
45
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:42,734
TO DO A CHURCH WEDDING?
46
00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,470
IS THAT
WHAT JESUS WOULD DO?
47
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:47,072
JESUS DIDN'T HAVE
A CHECKING ACCOUNT.
48
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,475
BUT HE WASN'T AGAINST
HANDING OUT LOAVES AND FISH
49
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,810
TO GET ASSES
IN THE SEATS.
50
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,745
DAD, THIS IS
A VERY GENEROUS OFFER,
51
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:54,947
BUT IT'S OUR WEDDING.
52
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,815
WE REALLY WANT TO DO THIS
OUR WAY.
53
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,618
MIKE, AS AN ATHEIST,
TAKING PART IN A CHURCH WEDDING
54
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,788
JUST FOR THE MONEY
WOULD MAKE ME A HYPOCRITE, SO...
55
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,590
A HYPOCRITE
WITH AN OPEN BAR.
56
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,725
UH, THANKS ANYWAY.
57
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,927
OOH.
58
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,130
WELL,
YOU KIDS ENJOY THE TREE.
59
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,130
YOU REALLY WANT TO
SAVE MONEY,
60
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,465
MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE
A DOUBLE WEDDING...
61
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,300
WITH THE MOOSE.
62
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:21,039
-- Captions by VITAC --
63
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,844
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
YEAH.
64
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,779
HEY, MR. ALZATE?
HMM?
65
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,749
DO YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES STILL
PLAY POKER HERE SATURDAY NIGHTS?
66
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,020
SHUT THE DOOR.
67
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,091
ARE YOU NOW,
OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN,
68
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,493
AN INFORMANT FOR
THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE?
69
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,195
NO.
70
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,464
YES,
WE STILL PLAY POKER.
71
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,300
GOOD. I WANT TO PLAY
THIS SATURDAY.
72
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,136
ALL RIGHT, WELL, MIKE HAS
HIS FAMILY-TREE-TRIMMING PARTY,
73
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:54,306
SO I GUESS A -- A NUMBSKULL
BEATS AN EMPTY CHAIR.
74
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,708
"A NUMBSKULL BEATS
AN EMPTY CHAIR."
75
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,711
I LOVE LEARNING
ALL THESE GAMBLING TERMS.
76
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,881
YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED POKER,
HAVE YOU, SON?
77
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,117
NO, WHICH LEADS
TO MY NEXT QUESTION.
78
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:08,887
UM...
HOW DO YOU PLAY POKER?
79
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:09,988
[ CHUCKLES ]
80
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,157
I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO TEACH YOU, SON.
81
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,159
ALL RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.
82
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,995
I'LL JUST DRIVE UP
TO THAT CASINO IN BLACK HAWK.
83
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,297
THEIR BILLBOARDS SAY,
"BEGINNERS WELCOME."
84
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,566
[ WHISTLES ] HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.
85
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,134
D-D--
JUST A SECOND, THERE.
86
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,902
ALL RIGHT, YOU COME HERE
SATURDAY BEFORE MY GAME.
87
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,037
WE'LL PLAY A FEW HANDS,
ALL RIGHT?
88
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,471
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU PICK IT UP QUICK,
89
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,073
MAYBE I'LL LET YOU SIT IN
WITH THE GUYS.
90
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,374
THAT IS AWESOME.
THANK YOU.
91
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:33,145
6:00, ALL RIGHT?
AND...BRING YOUR POKER FACE.
92
00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:34,413
MY WHAT?
93
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,481
THAT'LL WORK.
94
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,921
OKAY, REMEMBER,
THIS IS A NON-TINSEL YEAR.
95
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:43,922
HA HA, NICE TRY.
96
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,991
LAST YEAR
WAS THE NON-TINSEL YEAR.
97
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,094
I REMEMBER BECAUSE
THERE WAS NO TINSEL ON THE TREE.
98
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:53,265
TINSEL MAKES A CHRISTMAS TREE
LOOK LIKE A STREETWALKER.
99
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,500
LIKE IT'S SAYING,
"THAT WAS PRETTY FUN, SANTA.
100
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,102
LEAVE THE MONEY
ON THE DRESSER."
101
00:03:58,671 --> 00:03:59,938
HEY, HEY.
102
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,573
HEY. HOW WAS SCHOOL?
103
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,942
I GOT INVITED
TO A SORORITY PARTY.
104
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,944
[ CHUCKLES ]
KIND OF.
105
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:10,048
SINCE I'M LEGAL, THEY ASKED
IF I WOULD BUY THEM BEER.
106
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:13,018
AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T
MAKE ANY FRIENDS IN COLLEGE.
107
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,220
THEY EVEN GAVE ME
A NICKNAME --
108
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:16,822
"MA'AM."
109
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,057
MAKING US STEAKS?
110
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,760
YEAH, I SPLURGED.
I SAVED US A LOT OF MONEY TODAY.
111
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,462
THE KIDS DIDN'T WANT
THAT CHECK.
112
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,098
THEY TURNED DOWN
THE $20,000?
YEAH.
113
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,966
RYAN DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE
A CHURCH WEDDING.
114
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,569
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY --
WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR,
115
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:34,906
HE OPENS A WINDOW
AND THROWS IN STEAKS.
116
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,308
OF COURSE RYAN
DOESN'T WANT IT IN A CHURCH.
117
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,943
I MEAN, THIS IS A GUY
WHO CROSSES OUT
118
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,045
"IN GOD WE TRUST"
ON HIS DOLLAR BILLS.
119
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,780
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
A CHURCH WEDDING.
120
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,782
I'D LOVE IT IF THEY HAD IT
AT ST. MARK'S,
121
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,917
BUT I GAVE UP ON THAT DREAM
A LONG TIME AGO.
122
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,886
I WOULD JUST BE HAPPY
IF THEY WOULD HAVE
123
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,255
A BIG PARTY AFTERWARDS
WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
124
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,057
HEY.
SO WE JUST GIVE THEM
THE MONEY
125
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:54,760
AND LET RYAN WIN
THIS EPIC BATTLE WITH GOD?
126
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:58,563
IF WE'RE CHOOSING UP SIDES
IN THAT ONE, I'M ON TEAM GOD.
127
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,999
I'M ON TEAM MONEY.
128
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,301
OH, YEAH, WHAT MONEY?
129
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,903
YOUR DAD AND I HAVE
A LITTLE FUND FOR EACH OF YOU
130
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,238
TO USE
FOR YOUR WEDDINGS.
131
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,406
MMM. HOW MUCH?
HOW MUCH?
132
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,743
OR "THANK YOU."
133
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,112
THANK YOU!
134
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,914
HOW MUCH?
135
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,116
$20,000 EACH.
136
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,117
WOW.
137
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,920
I KNOW.
I WAS HOPING FOR MORE, TOO.
138
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:25,657
YOU WENT FROM NOT KNOWING
TO WANTING MORE IN RECORD TIME.
139
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,125
WELL,
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
140
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,094
SHE WILL NEED TO
SPLIT IT BETWEEN
141
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,662
THREE OR FOUR
FAILED MARRIAGES.
142
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,097
[ CHUCKLES ]
OHH. A-AW.
143
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,665
LET'S NOT MAKE FUN
OF YOUR SISTER'S
144
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,467
FAILED MARRIAGES
UNTIL THEY HAPPEN.
145
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,869
AND THEN WE'LL DO IT
AS A FAMILY.
146
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,008
SO, TO REVIEW AGAIN,
147
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,843
STRAIGHT FLUSH
BEATS FOUR OF A KIND.
148
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,778
FOUR OF A KIND BEATS
A FULL HOUSE, ALL RIGHT?
149
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,980
UH -- YES, WHAT?
150
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,451
NOW THAT I'M A GAMBLER,
CAN I HAVE A NICKNAME?
151
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,452
OKAY, FINE.
152
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,121
HOW ABOUT, UM...
HOW ABOUT "SCOOTER"?
153
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,123
NO, I HAVE A FRIEND
NAMED SCOOTER.
154
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,892
BEFORE SHE BOUGHT HER SCOOTER,
HER NICKNAME WAS "SANDY."
155
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,995
BECAUSE SHE REALLY LIKES
THE BEACH.
156
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,331
AND BECAUSE
HER NAME IS SANDY.
157
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:10,502
ALL RIGHT, THEN YOUR NICKNAME
WILL BE "BUBBLES."
158
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,704
BUBBLES.
MM-HMM.
159
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,139
I LOVE IT.
160
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:18,143
GOOD. ALL RIGHT,
BEFORE EVERY HAND, WE ANTE.
161
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,378
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS, KYLE?
162
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,545
"BUBBLES."
163
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,080
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT IT MEANS?
164
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,315
YES, THAT'S WHERE
WE PUT OUR MONEY
165
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:24,716
IN THE CENTER
OF THE TABLE.
166
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,518
RIGHT, RIGHT.
167
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,153
UGH.
168
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,555
ALL RIGHT, WHAT IS IT, KYLE --
BUBBLES?
169
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,158
WHAT'S YOUR NICKNAME?
170
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,093
FORGET NICKNAMES,
WILL YOU?
171
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,495
WHICH IS BETTER,
ALL RIGHT --
172
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,930
THREE OF A KIND
OR TWO PAIR?
173
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:39,930
I'M NOT SURE,
174
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,968
BUT I KNOW THAT A NUMBSKULL
BEATS AN EMPTY CHAIR.
175
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,671
I'M STARTING
TO DOUBT THAT.
176
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,945
YOU KNOW, OF ALL
THE WONDERFUL FAMILY ORNAMENTS
177
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,914
THAT HAVE BROKEN OVER THE YEARS,
HOW DID YOUR STUPID
178
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,350
"HAVE A DURAN DURAN CHRISTMAS"
SURVIVE?
179
00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:00,952
I THINK
SOMEBODY'S JUST MAD
180
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,055
HIS BACHMAN-TURNER OVERDRIVE
ORNAMENT BROKE.
181
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:08,026
IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS
WITHOUT "BTO-HO-HO."
182
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,529
HELLO!
183
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,897
HONEY, REMEMBER,
184
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,933
WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO
ABOUT THE WEDDING IS FINE.
185
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,035
I AM HAPPY TO DO IT
IN THE WOODS.
186
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,037
WELL, I'LL HOLD YOU TO THAT
NEXT TIME WE GO CAMPING.
187
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,974
I'M GONNA GO PLAY.
OKAY.
188
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,044
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY
WITH THIS?
189
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:29,114
WHAT DOES
"DURAN DURAN" MEAN?
190
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:33,118
NOT A LOT IN 2014.
191
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,821
GUYS, UH,
THANKS FOR COMING OVER.
192
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,823
OH, OF COURSE. WE'RE NOT GONNA
MISS THE TREE-TRIMMING DINNER.
193
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,391
YEAH, IN FACT,
I'LL EVEN SAY GRACE.
194
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,293
ALL RIGHT.
FOR 200 BUCKS.
195
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:45,163
'CAUSE THAT'S HOW YOUR
CHRISTIANITY WORKS, RIGHT, MIKE?
196
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,467
YOU'LL LEARN HOW CHRISTIANITY
WORKS AT THE PEARLY GATES.
197
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,901
SAINT PETER'S GONNA BE
STANDING THERE --
198
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,470
"VOGELSON? VOGELSON?
199
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,305
I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE
A RESERVATION."
200
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,508
HEY, GUYS. HI.
HEY, MOM.
201
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,109
SO, DINNER'S
ALMOST READY --
202
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,345
PORK ROAST
AND A TOFU CASSEROLE FOR YOU.
203
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,881
FREE-RANGE TOFU,
HUMANELY KILLED.
204
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,750
BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST.
205
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,586
HERE.
IT'S YOUR WEDDING.
206
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,521
YOUR DAD AND I TALKED,
AND WE AGREE --
207
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,922
YOU CAN HAVE IT
WHEREVER YOU WANT.
208
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,090
REALLY?
Mandy: WHOA.
209
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,292
THAT'S WHAT A $20,000 CHECK
LOOKS LIKE?
210
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,696
I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE BIGGER.
211
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,098
THAT'S FROM ALL OF US,
BY THE WAY.
212
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:24,102
UH, THANK YOU, GUYS.
THAT'S INCREDIBLY GENEROUS.
213
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,938
YEAH, WELL, IT'S GONNA PAY
FOR A BIG RECEPTION AFTERWARDS,
214
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,507
WITH ALL OUR FAMILY
AND FRIENDS.
215
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:31,877
IT'S GONNA BE
ONE RAGING PAR-TAY!
216
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,278
DON'T WORRY, GIRLS.
217
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,714
SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SIT
AT OUR TABLE.
218
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,349
YEAH, IT'S JUST...
219
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,550
WHAT?
220
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,352
UH, WELL, AFTER MIKE LEFT
THE OTHER DAY,
221
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,521
WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT
WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE
222
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,322
IF WE'D GOTTEN
THE MONEY.
223
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,891
WE'RE NOW PICTURING
A SMALLER WEDDING --
224
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,225
JUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY --
225
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,961
AND WE WOULD USE THIS MONEY
TO PAY OFF SOME OF OUR DEBT.
226
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,564
WHOA, HOW DOES SOMEBODY GET
$20,000 IN DEBT?
227
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:56,167
I TOLD YOU BUYING ORGANIC
WAS A RACKET.
228
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,570
NO, THIS DEBT IS
FROM A WHILE AGO,
229
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:01,940
FROM WHEN RYAN WAS...
AWAY.
230
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:05,343
YEAH, IT'S, UH,
MY STUDENT-LOAN DEBT.
231
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,745
[ GASPS ]
232
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,747
OH. OH, RIGHT, RIGHT,
OF COURSE, RIGHT,
233
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,181
FROM WHEN YOU WERE
IN COLLEGE
234
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,083
AND KRISTIN
COULDN'T GO TO COLLEGE
235
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,752
BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISING
YOUR BABY.
236
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,354
WELL, VANESSA,
THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT FAIR,
237
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,989
'CAUSE WE WERE RAISING
THE BABY.
238
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,192
MOM, ALL OF THAT
IS IN THE PAST.
239
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,327
YOU KNOW WHAT?
240
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,895
THAT MONEY IS FOR
YOUR WEDDING PARTY,
241
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,132
NOT THE FOUR-YEAR PARTY THAT
HE HAD WHEN HE WAS AT COLLEGE.
242
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,073
YOU MIGHT WANT TO PICK CAREFULLY
THROUGH THAT TOFU CASSEROLE.
243
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,885
[ LOUD CHOPPING ]
244
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,753
NEED ANY HELP
OUT HERE?
245
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,755
WANT ME TO THROW SOME PLATES
AGAINST THE WALL,
246
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:54,059
OR MAYBE PUNCH THAT PORK ROAST
A COUPLE TIMES?
247
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,361
DO NOT TELL ME
I OVERREACTED.
248
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,629
OKAY.
249
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:01,433
I HAVE TRIED VERY HARD,
FOR YEARS, TO DEFEND RYAN,
250
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,935
BUT THIS -- I MEAN, THIS IS --
IS OUTRAGEOUS.
251
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,637
ABSOLUTELY.
252
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:06,871
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
253
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:07,871
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
254
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,040
I-I KNOW YOU DIDN'T COME IN HERE
JUST TO AGREE WITH ME.
255
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,544
NO, I DIDN'T,
BUT I SAW THE KNIFE, AND...
256
00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:15,947
YOU THINK WHAT I SAID
ABOUT RYAN IS WRONG?
257
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,949
NO, NO.
I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR YEARS.
258
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,118
MY ONLY COMPLAINT IS
YOU STOLE MY ACT.
259
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,419
[ SIGHS ]
260
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,154
MIKE, I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD GIVE HIM THE CHECK.
261
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,990
ME NEITHER.
262
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:28,126
I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE THEM
THE CHECK.
263
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,964
SO, IF KRISTIN CAN USE
HER WEDDING MONEY
264
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,399
TO PAY OFF RYAN'S DEBT,
265
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,002
I CAN USE MINE
FOR WHATEVER I WANT.
266
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,970
YOU STILL
GOT TO GET MARRIED.
267
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,939
I CAN DO THAT
FOR 50 BUCKS IN A COURTHOUSE
268
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,841
AND POCKET THE REST.
269
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,943
MINUS WHATEVER YOU GOT TO PAY
SOME LOSER TO MARRY YOU,
270
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,011
AND THAT'S NOT
GONNA BE CHEAP.
271
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,245
[ LAUGHS ]
272
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,513
I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING --
273
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,316
I'M NOT GONNA MARRY A GUY
WITH A BUNCH OF DEBT.
274
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,418
EVE, YOU CAN'T CHOOSE
WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH.
275
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,953
THAT JUST KIND OF HAPPENS,
YOU KNOW?
276
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,588
AND THEN THERE'S
A MISUNDERSTANDING
277
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,256
WHERE YOU THINK
THAT HE'S CHEATING ON YOU
278
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,991
BUT REALLY HE'S READING
TO THE BLIND,
279
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,660
AND THEN YOU CHASE HIM
THROUGH AN AIRPORT,
280
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,261
AND THEN YOU LIVE
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
281
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,431
YEAH, WELL, EXCEPT YOU CAN'T RUN
THROUGH AIRPORTS ANYMORE.
282
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,267
THE TERRORISTS HAVE MADE IT
HARDER TO FALL IN LOVE.
283
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,304
MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING
THAT RYAN RAN OFF.
284
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,875
NO IT'S "BAD."
"GOOD" IS THE OTHER ONE.
285
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,476
I'M SERIOUS.
286
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,045
WHATEVER HAPPENED
OVER THOSE YEARS
287
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,280
TURNED RYAN FROM A GUY
WHO WAS RUNNING AWAY
288
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,449
TO A GUY WHO WANTED TO BE
WITH HIS FAMILY,
289
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:28,019
SO, I DON'T KNOW --
MAYBE THAT TIME AWAY AND $20,000
290
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,954
WAS ACTUALLY
MONEY WELL SPENT.
291
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:33,324
WOW,
THAT WAS PRETTY DEEP.
292
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,959
HAVE YOU SPENT
YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
293
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,028
SAVING YOUR BRAINS
FOR THAT ONE THOUGHT?
294
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,133
IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT RYAN TOOK
AWAY HER COLLEGE AND HER FUTURE.
295
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,302
NOW HE WANTS TO TAKE AWAY
HER BIG DAY.
296
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,304
IT'S HER DECISION,
AND DO YOU REALLY THINK
297
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,306
RYAN CAN TALK OUR DAUGHTER
INTO ANYTHING?
298
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,910
WELL, HE DID
ON PROM NIGHT 2006.
299
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:52,910
I HATE TO SAY THIS,
300
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,547
BUT I'M SURE KRISTEN
WAS CALLING THE SHOTS THEN, TOO.
301
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,550
THOSE POOR,
POOR POTATOES.
302
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,051
HONEY,
LET'S JUST LET THIS --
303
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,053
WE -- WE...
304
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,723
WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO FORGIVE THIS BOY.
305
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,158
WHO ARE YOU?
[ SIGHS ]
306
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,594
LOOK, I'M THE ONE
WHO HAS DEFENDED RYAN FOR YEARS,
307
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,730
AND YOU ARE THE ONE
WHO ARGUES WITH HIM
308
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:12,997
EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM.
309
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,166
I LIKE TO
ARGUE WITH HIM.
310
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:19,003
I WIN
ALL THOSE ARGUMENTS.
311
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,772
BUT ARGUING WITH HIM
HAS TAUGHT ME A LOT
312
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,006
ABOUT WHO HE IS AS A MAN,
313
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:24,375
AND I'VE --
AND I'VE LEARNED TO...
314
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,944
RESPECT HIM.
315
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,346
NOW THAT THOSE WORDS
HAVE COME OUT OF MY MOUTH,
316
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:31,549
WHY DON'T
YOU JUST STAB ME?
317
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,018
THIS IS REALLY,
REALLY HARD FOR ME, MIKE.
318
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,186
THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED,
319
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,189
WHICH MEANS
HE'S GOING TO BE OUR SON.
320
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:41,126
AND IF HE WAS OUR SON,
WE WOULD PAY OFF THAT DEBT.
321
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,295
HE'S LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON
IN THE BIBLE...
322
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,731
IF THAT SON WAS
AN ANNOYING LIBERAL
323
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,934
WHO NEEDED TO
BE FORGIVEN.
324
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,536
[ Laughing ] HEY,
I THINK I JUST FIGURED OUT
325
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:53,004
WHAT THAT STORY'S
REALLY ABOUT.
326
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,276
HEY, GUYS,
WE'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.
327
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,112
FIRST, WE ARE MAKING POTATO SOUP
IN THE KITCHEN,
328
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,782
AND YOUR MOM HAS SOMETHING
TO SAY.
329
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:06,951
WELL, YOUR DAD CONVINCED ME
THAT IT MAKES SENSE
330
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,486
TO PAY OFF RYAN'S DEBTS.
331
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:12,590
SO WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE
A BIG PARTY?
332
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:13,992
WELL, A --
A BIG PARTY IS --
333
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,928
IS NOT THE THING THAT'S
GONNA MAKE THIS A REAL MARRIAGE.
334
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,797
THANK YOU, MOM.
335
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:22,066
HEY, I'M THE ONE
THAT CONVINCED HER.
336
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:23,935
HOWEVER --
337
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,004
"HOWEVER"?
338
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,239
WHAT WILL MAKE IT
A REAL MARRIAGE
339
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:32,443
IS DOING IT IN A CHURCH,
WITH ALL OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
340
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:37,382
SO...NO CHURCH,
NO CHECK.
341
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,086
HEY, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T
PUT A DEPOSIT ON THAT FOREST.
342
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,162
SO, NOW WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED
IN A CHURCH?
343
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,363
WE'RE BACK TO THAT?
344
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:56,434
UNKNOWN.
MY WIFE HAS GONE ROGUE.
345
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,506
AND FOR THAT REASON,
I'M OUT.
346
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,475
I, UH -- I THINK I MAY KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
347
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,178
HEY, DAD, I GOT A QUESTION
ABOUT OUR FREE MONEY.
348
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,549
SO...IF THESE GUYS DON'T
USE THEIR SHARE, CAN I HAVE IT?
349
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,184
AND IF THAT QUESTION
MAKES YOU MAD,
350
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,219
CAN I HAVE
MANDY'S SHARE?
351
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,854
HOW ABOUT THIS?
352
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:20,458
NOBODY GETS ANY MONEY,
AND MAYBE DAD GETS A NEW BOAT.
353
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,127
MOM.
354
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:28,233
HEY. CAN WE TALK?
355
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,805
YOU KNOW, HONEY, EVERY SINCE
YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL,
356
00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:35,807
YOU HAVE WANTED
A BIG CHURCH WEDDING.
357
00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:39,177
YEAH, THAT'S WHEN
I WAS GONNA MARRY JOHNNY DEPP.
358
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,146
HEY, YOU GET ME DEPP,
I'LL DO IT AT THE VATICAN.
359
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,984
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT
ALL OF OUR FRIENDS' KIDS
360
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,752
ARE HAVING THESE BIG,
BEAUTIFUL WEDDINGS,
361
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,355
AND -- AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
NINE PEOPLE IN THE WOODS.
362
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,991
SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THINK
THIS IS REALLY ABOUT FOR YOU,
363
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:56,094
LIKE HAVING A BIG PUBLIC
CEREMONY WILL FIX EVERYTHING.
364
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,429
"EVERYTHING"?
WHAT --
365
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,431
ALL OF THE LOOKS
WE GOT IN THE SUPERMARKET
366
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,400
WHEN I WAS A PREGNANT
HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR,
367
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,668
ALL THE WHISPERS.
368
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,170
I THINK THAT YOU WANT THIS --
THIS BIG WEDDING
369
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:09,007
TO WASH AWAY ALL THE SHAME
FOR WHAT I DID.
370
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,209
GOD, KRISTIN, NO.
371
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,411
NO, NO, NO. NO.
372
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:17,015
HONEY, I NEVER,
EVER FELT ASHAMED OF YOU.
373
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:20,718
I WAS SO PROUD OF THE WAY
YOU HANDLED YOURSELF BACK THEN.
374
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,453
YOU WERE?
YES.
375
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,123
HONEY, IF THERE'S ANY SHAME
IN THIS SITUATION
376
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,357
IT'S -- IT'S MINE.
377
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,959
I MEAN,
I WAS THE PARENT.
378
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,560
I WAS THE ONE WHO
SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE AWARE.
379
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,963
I SH-- I SHOULD HAVE DONE
SOMETHING.
MOM, STOP. NO.
380
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,766
YOU AND DAD WERE
ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.
381
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,201
AND --
AND NOW RYAN IS, TOO.
382
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:40,638
N-NOBODY SHOULD FEEL GUILT
OR SHAME IN THIS FAMILY.
383
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,407
[ CHUCKLES ]
384
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,209
HOW DID YOU TURN INTO
SUCH AN AMAZING, AMAZING WOMAN
385
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,045
WITH SUCH A LUNATIC
FOR A MOM?
386
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,647
YOU ARE NOT A LUNATIC.
387
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,283
UGH, WAIT TILL YOU DRINK
THE MASHED POTATOES.
388
00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:54,919
COME HERE.
389
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,920
I LOVE YOU.
390
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,889
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
391
00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:00,124
YOU KNOW, MAYBE KRISTIN AND I
SHOULD JUST FLY TO VEGAS
392
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,225
AND GET MARRIED THERE,
HUH?
393
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:02,827
YEAH,
NOTHING SAYS COMMITMENT
394
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:06,130
LIKE A TOWN
FULL OF CARROT TOP BILLBOARDS.
395
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,567
EH! UNH-UNH-UNH!
396
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:13,137
LOOK, MIKE,
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
397
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,106
MAKING A PUBLIC SPECTACLE
OUT OF SOMETHING
398
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,341
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
PERSONAL.
399
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,442
I-IT'S RIDICULOUS.
400
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,410
I MEAN,
T-THE BIG CHURCH CEREMONY,
401
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,746
AND ALL THE PEOPLE WATCHING,
AND TOASTS.
402
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,348
THE DIDGERIDOO.
403
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,617
NO, THAT IS DIFFERENT.
I PICKED THAT.
404
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,619
DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHAT A DIDGERIDOO IS,
405
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:32,490
OR JUST HEAR IT ON NPR
DURING AN AROMATHERAPY SESSION?
406
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,858
IT'S A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT
407
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,094
USED BY THE ABORIGINES
IN AUSTRALIA, OKAY?
408
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,196
I JUST WANTED SOMETHING
NON-TRADITIONAL.
409
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,099
THAT INSTRUMENT
IS LIKE 1,500 YEARS OLD.
410
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,002
YOU CAN'T GET
MORE TRADITIONAL THAN THAT.
411
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,371
YOU SEEM TO BE COMFORTABLE
WITH EVERY OTHER CEREMONY
412
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,172
EXCEPT FROM THE TRIBE
THAT YOU'RE JOINING.
413
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,508
OH, SO NOW THE BAXTER FAMILY
IS A TRIBE?
414
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,344
THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS
ON MY NEW CASINO APPLICATION.
415
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,947
THE WEDDING
ISN'T JUST ABOUT
416
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,316
THE TWO PEOPLE
GETTING MARRIED, KID.
417
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,852
IT'S ABOUT THE COMMUNITY
THAT THEY'RE JOINING.
418
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,554
THE FAMILY.
419
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,189
THIS FAMILY --
420
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,892
YOU KNOW,
THE PEOPLE YOU KEEP PISSING OFF.
421
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,564
HIT ME.
422
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,566
OKAY.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
423
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,802
AGAIN,
THIS IS NOT BLACKJACK.
424
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,638
IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME,
I WILL.
425
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,807
BUBBLES APOLOGIZES.
ALL RIGHT.
426
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,675
ACES BET 25.
427
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:25,676
OKAY.
428
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:30,248
I...SEE THAT...
AND I RAISE YOU.
429
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,084
I'VE GOT
TWO ACES SHOWING.
430
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,219
YOU'VE GOT SQUAT.
WHY WOULD YOU RAISE?
431
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:39,123
BECAUSE I'M BLUFFING!
432
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,493
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
433
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,496
YOU KNOW...
434
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,065
I HAVE TO BE HONEST
WITH YOU.
435
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,434
I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE CUT OUT FOR GAMBLING.
436
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,035
YEAH.
YEAH.
437
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,237
I APPEAR TO BE AWFUL.
438
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,274
I JUST REALLY NEEDED
SOME EXTRA CASH FOR CHRISTMAS.
439
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,510
YOU SHOULD BUY LESS EXPENSIVE
GIFTS FOR CHRISTMAS.
440
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,712
OH, NO, I-I ALREADY BOUGHT
ALL MY GIFTS.
441
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:04,382
AND I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU
WHAT I GOT YOU,
442
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,017
BUT HERE'S A HINT.
443
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,119
GLUG, GLUG.
444
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,954
[ SNORTS ]
445
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,056
SO WHAT DO YOU NEED
THE EXTRA CASH FOR?
446
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,692
MY CHURCH IS HAVING
A CHRISTMAS PARTY
447
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,462
AT OUR HOMELESS SHELTER.
448
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:20,465
THERE'S A LOT OF KIDS
THERE.
449
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,967
I JUST WANTED IT TO BE
REALLY GREAT.
450
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,504
WAIT A MINUTE.
451
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,274
YOU'VE GOT A DEUCE,
YOU GOT A FIVE,
452
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,909
YOU GOT A SEVEN,
YOU GOT A JACK.
453
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:32,909
ALL RIGHT.
454
00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:36,614
UH, ONE MORE CARD, A-AND YOU GET
A-A GLENLIVET STRAIGHT.
455
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,883
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE, UH --
YOU HAVE THREE IN THE HOLE?
456
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,118
HMM?
I DO NOT.
457
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,285
HOW ABOUT A QUEEN?
NO.
458
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,887
EIGHT? A FOUR?
459
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,555
OH! I'VE GOT A FOUR.
IS THAT GOOD?
460
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,090
NOT FOR ME!
461
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,258
YOU GOT A GLENLIVET STRAIGHT
AND YOU WIN,
462
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,594
AND I HAVE TO PONY UP
AN EXTRA C-NOTE HERE,
463
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:53,664
OR -- OR TWO, AND, UH,
DAMN YOU, BUBBLES, DAMN YOU.
464
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,467
[ Laughing ] YES!
465
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,669
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THIS IS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
466
00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,837
YOU KNOW WHY?
467
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,439
'CAUSE THIS GLENLIVET THING
THAT I WON WITH
468
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,941
IS THE SAME NAME AS THE SCOTCH
I BOUGHT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS!
469
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,443
OH. IS IT?
470
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,444
[ SIGHS ]
471
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,346
I JUST RUINED YOUR GIFT.
472
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,314
NO.
473
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,151
ACTUALLY,
YOU DIDN'T, NO.
474
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,819
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
BUBBLES.
475
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,257
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
476
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,663
HEY, EVERYBODY.
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING.
477
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,265
OH, BOY.
478
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:31,002
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS.
IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY NIGHT.
479
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,303
SO, MOM AND I TALKED,
480
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,173
AND SHE HAS REMOVED ALL OF
THE CONDITIONS FOR THE WEDDING.
481
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,173
MM-HMM, YEP,
YOU CAN DO IT IN THE FOREST,
482
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,477
AND WE WILL HAVE A SMALL
RECEPTION HERE AT THE HOUSE.
483
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:43,147
WE CAN NIBBLE ON CHEESE CUBES
AND CHECK EACH OTHER FOR TICKS.
484
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,350
MOM, DAD, MANDY AND I
HAVE ALSO BEEN TALKING,
485
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,785
AND IF YOU GUYS
NEED SOME EXTRA MONEY
486
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,787
SO KRISTIN AND RYAN
CAN AFFORD A RECEPTION,
487
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,455
YOU CAN HAVE
SOME OF OURS.
488
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:54,025
THAT IS VERY SWEET,
BUT IT'S NOT NECESSARY.
489
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,459
SEE, TOLD YOU
THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT
490
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,863
AND WE WOULD STILL GET CREDIT
FOR OFFERING.
491
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,531
WELL, NOT NOW.
492
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,334
ACTUALLY,
I HAVE ONE CONDITION.
493
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:06,003
I THINK THAT WE SHOULD
GET MARRIED AT ST. MARK'S.
494
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,072
THAT IS
THE FAMILY'S CHURCH,
495
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,641
AND AFTER ALL, I'M GOING TO BE
PART OF THE FAMILY.
496
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,843
YEAH, BUT NOT BY BLOOD.
497
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,146
YOU DON'T GET
ANY OF THE CASINO MONEY.
498
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,748
UH, RYAN, ARE YOU SURE?
499
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,050
YEAH.
I'M SURE.
500
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,185
I -- FAMILY HUG.
501
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:24,088
I'M JUST GONNA BE A SPOTTER
IN CASE SOMEBODY FALLS.
502
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,990
AW.
AH.
503
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,658
GRANDPA,
LIGHT UP THE TREE!
504
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:31,229
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, WATCH THIS, HUH?
505
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,197
[ TWO CLAPS ]
506
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,365
OH!
507
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,834
HUH, MIKE, IT LOOKS LIKE
THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING.
508
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,336
TINSEL.
509
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,439
NO. 20 GRAND.
510
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,608
I'M HUNGRY. LET'S EAT.
511
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,576
I FEEL LIKE
DRINKING SOME POTATOES.
512
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,415
♪ SILENT NIGHT ♪
513
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,852
♪ HOLY NIGHT ♪
514
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:58,422
♪ ALL IS CALM ♪
515
00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:01,859
♪ ALL IS BRIGHT ♪
516
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:08,132
♪ 'ROUND YON VIRGIN
MOTHER AND CHILD ♪
517
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:14,038
♪ HOLY INFANT
SO TENDER AND MILD ♪
518
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:20,611
♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE ♪
519
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:27,585
♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE ♪
38165
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