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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,969 "LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED 2 00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:05,537 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,139 YOU KNOW, I AM ALL FOR TECHNOLOGY, 4 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,340 BUT IT IS STILL WEIRD 5 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,043 THAT BOYD IS E-MAILING HIS CHRISTMAS LIST TO SANTA. 6 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:14,847 WHAT'S WEIRDER IS THAT SANTA'S STILL USING AOL. 7 00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,050 UH, NOPE. HE IS AN OLD WHITE GUY. 8 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,319 WE GOT A TREE! 9 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,687 YOU GOT A TREE! WOW! 10 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,822 MIKE, YOU KNOW I DON'T BELIEVE IN CHRISTMAS TREES. 11 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,091 AND YET...HERE IT IS. 12 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,862 I'M GONNA GO MAKE SOME DECORATIONS. 13 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,030 GOOD IDEA. 14 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,364 IT'S KIND OF A SMALL TREE, 15 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,899 BUT IT JUST MAKES THE PRESENTS YOU PUT UNDER IT LOOK BIGGER. 16 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,068 IT'S A TRICK YOUR MOM AND I USED DURING THE LEAN YEARS. 17 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,636 OH, IT IS VERY THOUGHTFUL, OKAY? 18 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,671 WE -- WE WERE DOING WITHOUT TO SAVE MONEY. 19 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,407 WELL, WE DO HAVE A WEDDING TO SAVE UP FOR. 20 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,842 AH, YES, THE WEDDING. 21 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,645 WELL, YOUR MOM AND I WANTED TO HELP, UH, 22 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,880 JUST A LITTLE BIT WITH THAT. 23 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,818 $20,000? 24 00:00:53,753 --> 00:00:56,155 [ LAUGHS ] MIKE, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 25 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,090 I'M...SPEECHLESS. 26 00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,758 WOW, 20 GRAND WELL SPENT. 27 00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:03,062 [ LAUGHS ] 28 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,196 JUST ONE LITTLE CONDITION. 29 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,365 OH, OF COURSE THERE'S ONE CONDITION. 30 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,767 WHAT HAPPENED TO "SPEECHLESS"? 31 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,769 YOUR MOM AND I REALLY WOULD LIKE YOU 32 00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,738 TO HAVE THE WEDDING AT ST. MARK'S. 33 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,541 YEAH, WE ACTUALLY HAD A DIFFERENT VENUE IN MIND. 34 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:18,544 YEAH, UM, OUR PLAN IS TO GET MARRIED IN ESTES PARK, 35 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,279 UNDER A TREE IN THE FOREST. 36 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,015 NO, NO. I THINK A MOOSE ALREADY HAS THAT VENUE BOOKED. 37 00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:25,050 WE FOUND A NATIVE AMERICAN OFFICIANT 38 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,886 WHO SPECIALIZES IN MULTICULTURAL CEREMONIES. 39 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,923 THERE'S GONNA BE CHANTING AND DRUMS AND DIDGERIDOOS. 40 00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:32,925 DOESN'T SOUND LIKE 20 GRAND, THOUGH. 41 00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,527 SOUNDS LIKE... ABOUT 8 BUCKS 42 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,529 AND THE LONGEST AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE. 43 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,198 SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 44 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,400 YOU'RE TRYING TO BRIBE US WITH A CHECK 45 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:42,734 TO DO A CHURCH WEDDING? 46 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,470 IS THAT WHAT JESUS WOULD DO? 47 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:47,072 JESUS DIDN'T HAVE A CHECKING ACCOUNT. 48 00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,475 BUT HE WASN'T AGAINST HANDING OUT LOAVES AND FISH 49 00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,810 TO GET ASSES IN THE SEATS. 50 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,745 DAD, THIS IS A VERY GENEROUS OFFER, 51 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:54,947 BUT IT'S OUR WEDDING. 52 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,815 WE REALLY WANT TO DO THIS OUR WAY. 53 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:59,618 MIKE, AS AN ATHEIST, TAKING PART IN A CHURCH WEDDING 54 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,788 JUST FOR THE MONEY WOULD MAKE ME A HYPOCRITE, SO... 55 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,590 A HYPOCRITE WITH AN OPEN BAR. 56 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,725 UH, THANKS ANYWAY. 57 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,927 OOH. 58 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,130 WELL, YOU KIDS ENJOY THE TREE. 59 00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,130 YOU REALLY WANT TO SAVE MONEY, 60 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,465 MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE A DOUBLE WEDDING... 61 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,300 WITH THE MOOSE. 62 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:21,039 -- Captions by VITAC -- 63 00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,844 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] YEAH. 64 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,779 HEY, MR. ALZATE? HMM? 65 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,749 DO YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES STILL PLAY POKER HERE SATURDAY NIGHTS? 66 00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,020 SHUT THE DOOR. 67 00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:39,091 ARE YOU NOW, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN, 68 00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,493 AN INFORMANT FOR THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE? 69 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,195 NO. 70 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,464 YES, WE STILL PLAY POKER. 71 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,300 GOOD. I WANT TO PLAY THIS SATURDAY. 72 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:51,136 ALL RIGHT, WELL, MIKE HAS HIS FAMILY-TREE-TRIMMING PARTY, 73 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:54,306 SO I GUESS A -- A NUMBSKULL BEATS AN EMPTY CHAIR. 74 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,708 "A NUMBSKULL BEATS AN EMPTY CHAIR." 75 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,711 I LOVE LEARNING ALL THESE GAMBLING TERMS. 76 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,881 YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED POKER, HAVE YOU, SON? 77 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,117 NO, WHICH LEADS TO MY NEXT QUESTION. 78 00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:08,887 UM... HOW DO YOU PLAY POKER? 79 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:09,988 [ CHUCKLES ] 80 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,157 I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TEACH YOU, SON. 81 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,159 ALL RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND. 82 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,995 I'LL JUST DRIVE UP TO THAT CASINO IN BLACK HAWK. 83 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,297 THEIR BILLBOARDS SAY, "BEGINNERS WELCOME." 84 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,566 [ WHISTLES ] HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT. 85 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,134 D-D-- JUST A SECOND, THERE. 86 00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,902 ALL RIGHT, YOU COME HERE SATURDAY BEFORE MY GAME. 87 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,037 WE'LL PLAY A FEW HANDS, ALL RIGHT? 88 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,471 ALL RIGHT, IF YOU PICK IT UP QUICK, 89 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,073 MAYBE I'LL LET YOU SIT IN WITH THE GUYS. 90 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,374 THAT IS AWESOME. THANK YOU. 91 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:33,145 6:00, ALL RIGHT? AND...BRING YOUR POKER FACE. 92 00:03:33,147 --> 00:03:34,413 MY WHAT? 93 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,481 THAT'LL WORK. 94 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,921 OKAY, REMEMBER, THIS IS A NON-TINSEL YEAR. 95 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:43,922 HA HA, NICE TRY. 96 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,991 LAST YEAR WAS THE NON-TINSEL YEAR. 97 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,094 I REMEMBER BECAUSE THERE WAS NO TINSEL ON THE TREE. 98 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:53,265 TINSEL MAKES A CHRISTMAS TREE LOOK LIKE A STREETWALKER. 99 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,500 LIKE IT'S SAYING, "THAT WAS PRETTY FUN, SANTA. 100 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,102 LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE DRESSER." 101 00:03:58,671 --> 00:03:59,938 HEY, HEY. 102 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,573 HEY. HOW WAS SCHOOL? 103 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,942 I GOT INVITED TO A SORORITY PARTY. 104 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,944 [ CHUCKLES ] KIND OF. 105 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:10,048 SINCE I'M LEGAL, THEY ASKED IF I WOULD BUY THEM BEER. 106 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:13,018 AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T MAKE ANY FRIENDS IN COLLEGE. 107 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,220 THEY EVEN GAVE ME A NICKNAME -- 108 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:16,822 "MA'AM." 109 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,057 MAKING US STEAKS? 110 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,760 YEAH, I SPLURGED. I SAVED US A LOT OF MONEY TODAY. 111 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,462 THE KIDS DIDN'T WANT THAT CHECK. 112 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,098 THEY TURNED DOWN THE $20,000? YEAH. 113 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,966 RYAN DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE A CHURCH WEDDING. 114 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,569 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY -- WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR, 115 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:34,906 HE OPENS A WINDOW AND THROWS IN STEAKS. 116 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,308 OF COURSE RYAN DOESN'T WANT IT IN A CHURCH. 117 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,943 I MEAN, THIS IS A GUY WHO CROSSES OUT 118 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,045 "IN GOD WE TRUST" ON HIS DOLLAR BILLS. 119 00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,780 I THOUGHT YOU WANTED A CHURCH WEDDING. 120 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,782 I'D LOVE IT IF THEY HAD IT AT ST. MARK'S, 121 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,917 BUT I GAVE UP ON THAT DREAM A LONG TIME AGO. 122 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,886 I WOULD JUST BE HAPPY IF THEY WOULD HAVE 123 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,255 A BIG PARTY AFTERWARDS WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 124 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,057 HEY. SO WE JUST GIVE THEM THE MONEY 125 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:54,760 AND LET RYAN WIN THIS EPIC BATTLE WITH GOD? 126 00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:58,563 IF WE'RE CHOOSING UP SIDES IN THAT ONE, I'M ON TEAM GOD. 127 00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,999 I'M ON TEAM MONEY. 128 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,301 OH, YEAH, WHAT MONEY? 129 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:04,903 YOUR DAD AND I HAVE A LITTLE FUND FOR EACH OF YOU 130 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,238 TO USE FOR YOUR WEDDINGS. 131 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,406 MMM. HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH? 132 00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,743 OR "THANK YOU." 133 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,112 THANK YOU! 134 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,914 HOW MUCH? 135 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,116 $20,000 EACH. 136 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,117 WOW. 137 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,920 I KNOW. I WAS HOPING FOR MORE, TOO. 138 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:25,657 YOU WENT FROM NOT KNOWING TO WANTING MORE IN RECORD TIME. 139 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,125 WELL, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 140 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,094 SHE WILL NEED TO SPLIT IT BETWEEN 141 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,662 THREE OR FOUR FAILED MARRIAGES. 142 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,097 [ CHUCKLES ] OHH. A-AW. 143 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,665 LET'S NOT MAKE FUN OF YOUR SISTER'S 144 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,467 FAILED MARRIAGES UNTIL THEY HAPPEN. 145 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,869 AND THEN WE'LL DO IT AS A FAMILY. 146 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,008 SO, TO REVIEW AGAIN, 147 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,843 STRAIGHT FLUSH BEATS FOUR OF A KIND. 148 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,778 FOUR OF A KIND BEATS A FULL HOUSE, ALL RIGHT? 149 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,980 UH -- YES, WHAT? 150 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,451 NOW THAT I'M A GAMBLER, CAN I HAVE A NICKNAME? 151 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,452 OKAY, FINE. 152 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,121 HOW ABOUT, UM... HOW ABOUT "SCOOTER"? 153 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,123 NO, I HAVE A FRIEND NAMED SCOOTER. 154 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,892 BEFORE SHE BOUGHT HER SCOOTER, HER NICKNAME WAS "SANDY." 155 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,995 BECAUSE SHE REALLY LIKES THE BEACH. 156 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,331 AND BECAUSE HER NAME IS SANDY. 157 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:10,502 ALL RIGHT, THEN YOUR NICKNAME WILL BE "BUBBLES." 158 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,704 BUBBLES. MM-HMM. 159 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,139 I LOVE IT. 160 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:18,143 GOOD. ALL RIGHT, BEFORE EVERY HAND, WE ANTE. 161 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,378 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, KYLE? 162 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,545 "BUBBLES." 163 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,080 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS? 164 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,315 YES, THAT'S WHERE WE PUT OUR MONEY 165 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:24,716 IN THE CENTER OF THE TABLE. 166 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,518 RIGHT, RIGHT. 167 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,153 UGH. 168 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,555 ALL RIGHT, WHAT IS IT, KYLE -- BUBBLES? 169 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,158 WHAT'S YOUR NICKNAME? 170 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,093 FORGET NICKNAMES, WILL YOU? 171 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,495 WHICH IS BETTER, ALL RIGHT -- 172 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,930 THREE OF A KIND OR TWO PAIR? 173 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:39,930 I'M NOT SURE, 174 00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,968 BUT I KNOW THAT A NUMBSKULL BEATS AN EMPTY CHAIR. 175 00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,671 I'M STARTING TO DOUBT THAT. 176 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,945 YOU KNOW, OF ALL THE WONDERFUL FAMILY ORNAMENTS 177 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,914 THAT HAVE BROKEN OVER THE YEARS, HOW DID YOUR STUPID 178 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,350 "HAVE A DURAN DURAN CHRISTMAS" SURVIVE? 179 00:06:58,352 --> 00:07:00,952 I THINK SOMEBODY'S JUST MAD 180 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,055 HIS BACHMAN-TURNER OVERDRIVE ORNAMENT BROKE. 181 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:08,026 IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS WITHOUT "BTO-HO-HO." 182 00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,529 HELLO! 183 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,897 HONEY, REMEMBER, 184 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,933 WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO ABOUT THE WEDDING IS FINE. 185 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,035 I AM HAPPY TO DO IT IN THE WOODS. 186 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,037 WELL, I'LL HOLD YOU TO THAT NEXT TIME WE GO CAMPING. 187 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,974 I'M GONNA GO PLAY. OKAY. 188 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,044 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY WITH THIS? 189 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:29,114 WHAT DOES "DURAN DURAN" MEAN? 190 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:33,118 NOT A LOT IN 2014. 191 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,821 GUYS, UH, THANKS FOR COMING OVER. 192 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,823 OH, OF COURSE. WE'RE NOT GONNA MISS THE TREE-TRIMMING DINNER. 193 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,391 YEAH, IN FACT, I'LL EVEN SAY GRACE. 194 00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,293 ALL RIGHT. FOR 200 BUCKS. 195 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:45,163 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW YOUR CHRISTIANITY WORKS, RIGHT, MIKE? 196 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:48,467 YOU'LL LEARN HOW CHRISTIANITY WORKS AT THE PEARLY GATES. 197 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,901 SAINT PETER'S GONNA BE STANDING THERE -- 198 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,470 "VOGELSON? VOGELSON? 199 00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,305 I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE A RESERVATION." 200 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,508 HEY, GUYS. HI. HEY, MOM. 201 00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,109 SO, DINNER'S ALMOST READY -- 202 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,345 PORK ROAST AND A TOFU CASSEROLE FOR YOU. 203 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,881 FREE-RANGE TOFU, HUMANELY KILLED. 204 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,750 BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST. 205 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,586 HERE. IT'S YOUR WEDDING. 206 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,521 YOUR DAD AND I TALKED, AND WE AGREE -- 207 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,922 YOU CAN HAVE IT WHEREVER YOU WANT. 208 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,090 REALLY? Mandy: WHOA. 209 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,292 THAT'S WHAT A $20,000 CHECK LOOKS LIKE? 210 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:17,696 I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BIGGER. 211 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,098 THAT'S FROM ALL OF US, BY THE WAY. 212 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:24,102 UH, THANK YOU, GUYS. THAT'S INCREDIBLY GENEROUS. 213 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,938 YEAH, WELL, IT'S GONNA PAY FOR A BIG RECEPTION AFTERWARDS, 214 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,507 WITH ALL OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. 215 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:31,877 IT'S GONNA BE ONE RAGING PAR-TAY! 216 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,278 DON'T WORRY, GIRLS. 217 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,714 SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SIT AT OUR TABLE. 218 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,349 YEAH, IT'S JUST... 219 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,550 WHAT? 220 00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,352 UH, WELL, AFTER MIKE LEFT THE OTHER DAY, 221 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,521 WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WOULD HAVE DONE 222 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,322 IF WE'D GOTTEN THE MONEY. 223 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:45,891 WE'RE NOW PICTURING A SMALLER WEDDING -- 224 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,225 JUST IMMEDIATE FAMILY -- 225 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,961 AND WE WOULD USE THIS MONEY TO PAY OFF SOME OF OUR DEBT. 226 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,564 WHOA, HOW DOES SOMEBODY GET $20,000 IN DEBT? 227 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:56,167 I TOLD YOU BUYING ORGANIC WAS A RACKET. 228 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,570 NO, THIS DEBT IS FROM A WHILE AGO, 229 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:01,940 FROM WHEN RYAN WAS... AWAY. 230 00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:05,343 YEAH, IT'S, UH, MY STUDENT-LOAN DEBT. 231 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,745 [ GASPS ] 232 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,747 OH. OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, OF COURSE, RIGHT, 233 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,181 FROM WHEN YOU WERE IN COLLEGE 234 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,083 AND KRISTIN COULDN'T GO TO COLLEGE 235 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,752 BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISING YOUR BABY. 236 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,354 WELL, VANESSA, THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT FAIR, 237 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,989 'CAUSE WE WERE RAISING THE BABY. 238 00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,192 MOM, ALL OF THAT IS IN THE PAST. 239 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,327 YOU KNOW WHAT? 240 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,895 THAT MONEY IS FOR YOUR WEDDING PARTY, 241 00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,132 NOT THE FOUR-YEAR PARTY THAT HE HAD WHEN HE WAS AT COLLEGE. 242 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,073 YOU MIGHT WANT TO PICK CAREFULLY THROUGH THAT TOFU CASSEROLE. 243 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,885 [ LOUD CHOPPING ] 244 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,753 NEED ANY HELP OUT HERE? 245 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,755 WANT ME TO THROW SOME PLATES AGAINST THE WALL, 246 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:54,059 OR MAYBE PUNCH THAT PORK ROAST A COUPLE TIMES? 247 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,361 DO NOT TELL ME I OVERREACTED. 248 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,629 OKAY. 249 00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:01,433 I HAVE TRIED VERY HARD, FOR YEARS, TO DEFEND RYAN, 250 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,935 BUT THIS -- I MEAN, THIS IS -- IS OUTRAGEOUS. 251 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,637 ABSOLUTELY. 252 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:06,871 ALL RIGHT, WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 253 00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:07,871 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 254 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,040 I-I KNOW YOU DIDN'T COME IN HERE JUST TO AGREE WITH ME. 255 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,544 NO, I DIDN'T, BUT I SAW THE KNIFE, AND... 256 00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:15,947 YOU THINK WHAT I SAID ABOUT RYAN IS WRONG? 257 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,949 NO, NO. I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR YEARS. 258 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,118 MY ONLY COMPLAINT IS YOU STOLE MY ACT. 259 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,419 [ SIGHS ] 260 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,154 MIKE, I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GIVE HIM THE CHECK. 261 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,990 ME NEITHER. 262 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:28,126 I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE THEM THE CHECK. 263 00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,964 SO, IF KRISTIN CAN USE HER WEDDING MONEY 264 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,399 TO PAY OFF RYAN'S DEBT, 265 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,002 I CAN USE MINE FOR WHATEVER I WANT. 266 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,970 YOU STILL GOT TO GET MARRIED. 267 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,939 I CAN DO THAT FOR 50 BUCKS IN A COURTHOUSE 268 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,841 AND POCKET THE REST. 269 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,943 MINUS WHATEVER YOU GOT TO PAY SOME LOSER TO MARRY YOU, 270 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,011 AND THAT'S NOT GONNA BE CHEAP. 271 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,245 [ LAUGHS ] 272 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,513 I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING -- 273 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,316 I'M NOT GONNA MARRY A GUY WITH A BUNCH OF DEBT. 274 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,418 EVE, YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH. 275 00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,953 THAT JUST KIND OF HAPPENS, YOU KNOW? 276 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,588 AND THEN THERE'S A MISUNDERSTANDING 277 00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,256 WHERE YOU THINK THAT HE'S CHEATING ON YOU 278 00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,991 BUT REALLY HE'S READING TO THE BLIND, 279 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,660 AND THEN YOU CHASE HIM THROUGH AN AIRPORT, 280 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,261 AND THEN YOU LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 281 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,431 YEAH, WELL, EXCEPT YOU CAN'T RUN THROUGH AIRPORTS ANYMORE. 282 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,267 THE TERRORISTS HAVE MADE IT HARDER TO FALL IN LOVE. 283 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,304 MAYBE IT'S A GOOD THING THAT RYAN RAN OFF. 284 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,875 NO IT'S "BAD." "GOOD" IS THE OTHER ONE. 285 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,476 I'M SERIOUS. 286 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,045 WHATEVER HAPPENED OVER THOSE YEARS 287 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,280 TURNED RYAN FROM A GUY WHO WAS RUNNING AWAY 288 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,449 TO A GUY WHO WANTED TO BE WITH HIS FAMILY, 289 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:28,019 SO, I DON'T KNOW -- MAYBE THAT TIME AWAY AND $20,000 290 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,954 WAS ACTUALLY MONEY WELL SPENT. 291 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:33,324 WOW, THAT WAS PRETTY DEEP. 292 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,959 HAVE YOU SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE 293 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:37,028 SAVING YOUR BRAINS FOR THAT ONE THOUGHT? 294 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:42,133 IT'S NOT ENOUGH THAT RYAN TOOK AWAY HER COLLEGE AND HER FUTURE. 295 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,302 NOW HE WANTS TO TAKE AWAY HER BIG DAY. 296 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,304 IT'S HER DECISION, AND DO YOU REALLY THINK 297 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,306 RYAN CAN TALK OUR DAUGHTER INTO ANYTHING? 298 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,910 WELL, HE DID ON PROM NIGHT 2006. 299 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:52,910 I HATE TO SAY THIS, 300 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,547 BUT I'M SURE KRISTEN WAS CALLING THE SHOTS THEN, TOO. 301 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,550 THOSE POOR, POOR POTATOES. 302 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,051 HONEY, LET'S JUST LET THIS -- 303 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,053 WE -- WE... 304 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,723 WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FORGIVE THIS BOY. 305 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,158 WHO ARE YOU? [ SIGHS ] 306 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,594 LOOK, I'M THE ONE WHO HAS DEFENDED RYAN FOR YEARS, 307 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,730 AND YOU ARE THE ONE WHO ARGUES WITH HIM 308 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:12,997 EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. 309 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,166 I LIKE TO ARGUE WITH HIM. 310 00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:19,003 I WIN ALL THOSE ARGUMENTS. 311 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,772 BUT ARGUING WITH HIM HAS TAUGHT ME A LOT 312 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,006 ABOUT WHO HE IS AS A MAN, 313 00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:24,375 AND I'VE -- AND I'VE LEARNED TO... 314 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,944 RESPECT HIM. 315 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,346 NOW THAT THOSE WORDS HAVE COME OUT OF MY MOUTH, 316 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:31,549 WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAB ME? 317 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,018 THIS IS REALLY, REALLY HARD FOR ME, MIKE. 318 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,186 THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED, 319 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,189 WHICH MEANS HE'S GOING TO BE OUR SON. 320 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:41,126 AND IF HE WAS OUR SON, WE WOULD PAY OFF THAT DEBT. 321 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,295 HE'S LIKE THE PRODIGAL SON IN THE BIBLE... 322 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,731 IF THAT SON WAS AN ANNOYING LIBERAL 323 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,934 WHO NEEDED TO BE FORGIVEN. 324 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,536 [ Laughing ] HEY, I THINK I JUST FIGURED OUT 325 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:53,004 WHAT THAT STORY'S REALLY ABOUT. 326 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,276 HEY, GUYS, WE'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS. 327 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,112 FIRST, WE ARE MAKING POTATO SOUP IN THE KITCHEN, 328 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,782 AND YOUR MOM HAS SOMETHING TO SAY. 329 00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:06,951 WELL, YOUR DAD CONVINCED ME THAT IT MAKES SENSE 330 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,486 TO PAY OFF RYAN'S DEBTS. 331 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:12,590 SO WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A BIG PARTY? 332 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:13,992 WELL, A -- A BIG PARTY IS -- 333 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,928 IS NOT THE THING THAT'S GONNA MAKE THIS A REAL MARRIAGE. 334 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,797 THANK YOU, MOM. 335 00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:22,066 HEY, I'M THE ONE THAT CONVINCED HER. 336 00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:23,935 HOWEVER -- 337 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,004 "HOWEVER"? 338 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,239 WHAT WILL MAKE IT A REAL MARRIAGE 339 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:32,443 IS DOING IT IN A CHURCH, WITH ALL OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, 340 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:37,382 SO...NO CHURCH, NO CHECK. 341 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,086 HEY, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T PUT A DEPOSIT ON THAT FOREST. 342 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,162 SO, NOW WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED IN A CHURCH? 343 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,363 WE'RE BACK TO THAT? 344 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:56,434 UNKNOWN. MY WIFE HAS GONE ROGUE. 345 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,506 AND FOR THAT REASON, I'M OUT. 346 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,475 I, UH -- I THINK I MAY KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. 347 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,178 HEY, DAD, I GOT A QUESTION ABOUT OUR FREE MONEY. 348 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:11,549 SO...IF THESE GUYS DON'T USE THEIR SHARE, CAN I HAVE IT? 349 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,184 AND IF THAT QUESTION MAKES YOU MAD, 350 00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,219 CAN I HAVE MANDY'S SHARE? 351 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,854 HOW ABOUT THIS? 352 00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:20,458 NOBODY GETS ANY MONEY, AND MAYBE DAD GETS A NEW BOAT. 353 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,127 MOM. 354 00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:28,233 HEY. CAN WE TALK? 355 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,805 YOU KNOW, HONEY, EVERY SINCE YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL, 356 00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:35,807 YOU HAVE WANTED A BIG CHURCH WEDDING. 357 00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:39,177 YEAH, THAT'S WHEN I WAS GONNA MARRY JOHNNY DEPP. 358 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,146 HEY, YOU GET ME DEPP, I'LL DO IT AT THE VATICAN. 359 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,984 WELL, IT'S JUST THAT ALL OF OUR FRIENDS' KIDS 360 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,752 ARE HAVING THESE BIG, BEAUTIFUL WEDDINGS, 361 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,355 AND -- AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NINE PEOPLE IN THE WOODS. 362 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,991 SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THINK THIS IS REALLY ABOUT FOR YOU, 363 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:56,094 LIKE HAVING A BIG PUBLIC CEREMONY WILL FIX EVERYTHING. 364 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,429 "EVERYTHING"? WHAT -- 365 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,431 ALL OF THE LOOKS WE GOT IN THE SUPERMARKET 366 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,400 WHEN I WAS A PREGNANT HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR, 367 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,668 ALL THE WHISPERS. 368 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,170 I THINK THAT YOU WANT THIS -- THIS BIG WEDDING 369 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:09,007 TO WASH AWAY ALL THE SHAME FOR WHAT I DID. 370 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,209 GOD, KRISTIN, NO. 371 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,411 NO, NO, NO. NO. 372 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:17,015 HONEY, I NEVER, EVER FELT ASHAMED OF YOU. 373 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:20,718 I WAS SO PROUD OF THE WAY YOU HANDLED YOURSELF BACK THEN. 374 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,453 YOU WERE? YES. 375 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,123 HONEY, IF THERE'S ANY SHAME IN THIS SITUATION 376 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,357 IT'S -- IT'S MINE. 377 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,959 I MEAN, I WAS THE PARENT. 378 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,560 I WAS THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE AWARE. 379 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,963 I SH-- I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING. MOM, STOP. NO. 380 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,766 YOU AND DAD WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. 381 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,201 AND -- AND NOW RYAN IS, TOO. 382 00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:40,638 N-NOBODY SHOULD FEEL GUILT OR SHAME IN THIS FAMILY. 383 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,407 [ CHUCKLES ] 384 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,209 HOW DID YOU TURN INTO SUCH AN AMAZING, AMAZING WOMAN 385 00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,045 WITH SUCH A LUNATIC FOR A MOM? 386 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,647 YOU ARE NOT A LUNATIC. 387 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,283 UGH, WAIT TILL YOU DRINK THE MASHED POTATOES. 388 00:15:53,719 --> 00:15:54,919 COME HERE. 389 00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,920 I LOVE YOU. 390 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,889 I LOVE YOU, TOO. 391 00:15:57,891 --> 00:16:00,124 YOU KNOW, MAYBE KRISTIN AND I SHOULD JUST FLY TO VEGAS 392 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,225 AND GET MARRIED THERE, HUH? 393 00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:02,827 YEAH, NOTHING SAYS COMMITMENT 394 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:06,130 LIKE A TOWN FULL OF CARROT TOP BILLBOARDS. 395 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,567 EH! UNH-UNH-UNH! 396 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:13,137 LOOK, MIKE, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND 397 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,106 MAKING A PUBLIC SPECTACLE OUT OF SOMETHING 398 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,341 THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE PERSONAL. 399 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,442 I-IT'S RIDICULOUS. 400 00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,410 I MEAN, T-THE BIG CHURCH CEREMONY, 401 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,746 AND ALL THE PEOPLE WATCHING, AND TOASTS. 402 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,348 THE DIDGERIDOO. 403 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,617 NO, THAT IS DIFFERENT. I PICKED THAT. 404 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,619 DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A DIDGERIDOO IS, 405 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:32,490 OR JUST HEAR IT ON NPR DURING AN AROMATHERAPY SESSION? 406 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,858 IT'S A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT 407 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,094 USED BY THE ABORIGINES IN AUSTRALIA, OKAY? 408 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,196 I JUST WANTED SOMETHING NON-TRADITIONAL. 409 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,099 THAT INSTRUMENT IS LIKE 1,500 YEARS OLD. 410 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,002 YOU CAN'T GET MORE TRADITIONAL THAN THAT. 411 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,371 YOU SEEM TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH EVERY OTHER CEREMONY 412 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,172 EXCEPT FROM THE TRIBE THAT YOU'RE JOINING. 413 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,508 OH, SO NOW THE BAXTER FAMILY IS A TRIBE? 414 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,344 THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS ON MY NEW CASINO APPLICATION. 415 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,947 THE WEDDING ISN'T JUST ABOUT 416 00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,316 THE TWO PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED, KID. 417 00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,852 IT'S ABOUT THE COMMUNITY THAT THEY'RE JOINING. 418 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:03,554 THE FAMILY. 419 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,189 THIS FAMILY -- 420 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,892 YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE YOU KEEP PISSING OFF. 421 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,564 HIT ME. 422 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:15,566 OKAY. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 423 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,802 AGAIN, THIS IS NOT BLACKJACK. 424 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,638 IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, I WILL. 425 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,807 BUBBLES APOLOGIZES. ALL RIGHT. 426 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,675 ACES BET 25. 427 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:25,676 OKAY. 428 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:30,248 I...SEE THAT... AND I RAISE YOU. 429 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,084 I'VE GOT TWO ACES SHOWING. 430 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,219 YOU'VE GOT SQUAT. WHY WOULD YOU RAISE? 431 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:39,123 BECAUSE I'M BLUFFING! 432 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,493 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 433 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,496 YOU KNOW... 434 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,065 I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. 435 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,434 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE CUT OUT FOR GAMBLING. 436 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,035 YEAH. YEAH. 437 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,237 I APPEAR TO BE AWFUL. 438 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:56,274 I JUST REALLY NEEDED SOME EXTRA CASH FOR CHRISTMAS. 439 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,510 YOU SHOULD BUY LESS EXPENSIVE GIFTS FOR CHRISTMAS. 440 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,712 OH, NO, I-I ALREADY BOUGHT ALL MY GIFTS. 441 00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:04,382 AND I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU WHAT I GOT YOU, 442 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,017 BUT HERE'S A HINT. 443 00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,119 GLUG, GLUG. 444 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,954 [ SNORTS ] 445 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,056 SO WHAT DO YOU NEED THE EXTRA CASH FOR? 446 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,692 MY CHURCH IS HAVING A CHRISTMAS PARTY 447 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,462 AT OUR HOMELESS SHELTER. 448 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:20,465 THERE'S A LOT OF KIDS THERE. 449 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,967 I JUST WANTED IT TO BE REALLY GREAT. 450 00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,504 WAIT A MINUTE. 451 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,274 YOU'VE GOT A DEUCE, YOU GOT A FIVE, 452 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,909 YOU GOT A SEVEN, YOU GOT A JACK. 453 00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:32,909 ALL RIGHT. 454 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:36,614 UH, ONE MORE CARD, A-AND YOU GET A-A GLENLIVET STRAIGHT. 455 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,883 ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE, UH -- YOU HAVE THREE IN THE HOLE? 456 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,118 HMM? I DO NOT. 457 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,285 HOW ABOUT A QUEEN? NO. 458 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,887 EIGHT? A FOUR? 459 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,555 OH! I'VE GOT A FOUR. IS THAT GOOD? 460 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,090 NOT FOR ME! 461 00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,258 YOU GOT A GLENLIVET STRAIGHT AND YOU WIN, 462 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,594 AND I HAVE TO PONY UP AN EXTRA C-NOTE HERE, 463 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:53,664 OR -- OR TWO, AND, UH, DAMN YOU, BUBBLES, DAMN YOU. 464 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,467 [ Laughing ] YES! 465 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,669 YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS IS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. 466 00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,837 YOU KNOW WHY? 467 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,439 'CAUSE THIS GLENLIVET THING THAT I WON WITH 468 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,941 IS THE SAME NAME AS THE SCOTCH I BOUGHT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS! 469 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,443 OH. IS IT? 470 00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,444 [ SIGHS ] 471 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,346 I JUST RUINED YOUR GIFT. 472 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,314 NO. 473 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,151 ACTUALLY, YOU DIDN'T, NO. 474 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,819 MERRY CHRISTMAS, BUBBLES. 475 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:19,257 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 476 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:25,663 HEY, EVERYBODY. I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. 477 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,265 OH, BOY. 478 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:31,002 FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS. IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY NIGHT. 479 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,303 SO, MOM AND I TALKED, 480 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,173 AND SHE HAS REMOVED ALL OF THE CONDITIONS FOR THE WEDDING. 481 00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,173 MM-HMM, YEP, YOU CAN DO IT IN THE FOREST, 482 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,477 AND WE WILL HAVE A SMALL RECEPTION HERE AT THE HOUSE. 483 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:43,147 WE CAN NIBBLE ON CHEESE CUBES AND CHECK EACH OTHER FOR TICKS. 484 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,350 MOM, DAD, MANDY AND I HAVE ALSO BEEN TALKING, 485 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,785 AND IF YOU GUYS NEED SOME EXTRA MONEY 486 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,787 SO KRISTIN AND RYAN CAN AFFORD A RECEPTION, 487 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,455 YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF OURS. 488 00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:54,025 THAT IS VERY SWEET, BUT IT'S NOT NECESSARY. 489 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,459 SEE, TOLD YOU THEY WOULDN'T TAKE IT 490 00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,863 AND WE WOULD STILL GET CREDIT FOR OFFERING. 491 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,531 WELL, NOT NOW. 492 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:03,334 ACTUALLY, I HAVE ONE CONDITION. 493 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:06,003 I THINK THAT WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AT ST. MARK'S. 494 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,072 THAT IS THE FAMILY'S CHURCH, 495 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,641 AND AFTER ALL, I'M GOING TO BE PART OF THE FAMILY. 496 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,843 YEAH, BUT NOT BY BLOOD. 497 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,146 YOU DON'T GET ANY OF THE CASINO MONEY. 498 00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,748 UH, RYAN, ARE YOU SURE? 499 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,050 YEAH. I'M SURE. 500 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,185 I -- FAMILY HUG. 501 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:24,088 I'M JUST GONNA BE A SPOTTER IN CASE SOMEBODY FALLS. 502 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,990 AW. AH. 503 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,658 GRANDPA, LIGHT UP THE TREE! 504 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:31,229 ALL RIGHT. HEY, WATCH THIS, HUH? 505 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,197 [ TWO CLAPS ] 506 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,365 OH! 507 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,834 HUH, MIKE, IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING. 508 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,336 TINSEL. 509 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,439 NO. 20 GRAND. 510 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,608 I'M HUNGRY. LET'S EAT. 511 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,576 I FEEL LIKE DRINKING SOME POTATOES. 512 00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,415 ♪ SILENT NIGHT ♪ 513 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,852 ♪ HOLY NIGHT ♪ 514 00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:58,422 ♪ ALL IS CALM ♪ 515 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:01,859 ♪ ALL IS BRIGHT ♪ 516 00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:08,132 ♪ 'ROUND YON VIRGIN MOTHER AND CHILD ♪ 517 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:14,038 ♪ HOLY INFANT SO TENDER AND MILD ♪ 518 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:20,611 ♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE ♪ 519 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:27,585 ♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE ♪ 38165

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