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1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,003
"LAST MAN STANDING"
2
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,138
IS RECORDED IN FRONTOF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,673
IT'S BAD ENOUGH
WE LOST THE GAME.
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,008
I DIDN'T EVEN GET
TO PLAY.
5
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,642
WELL,
LOOK AT THE UPSIDE.
6
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,678
I DON'T HAVE TO WASH
YOUR UNIFORM.
7
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,147
YOUR DAD IS HAPPY
'CAUSE YOU SPENT THE NIGHT
8
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,816
WITH FOOTBALL PLAYERS
AND DIDN'T SEE ANY ACTION.
9
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,185
IT'S COACH FOSTER'S FAULT
WE KEEP LOSING.
10
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,688
I MEAN, HE ALWAYS CALLS
THE SAME FIVE PLAYS.
11
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,357
YEAH, IS ONE OF THOSE PLAYS
GET SACKED AND LOSE SIX YARDS?
12
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,359
THAT'S THE ONLY PLAY
YOU GUYS SEEM TO HAVE.
13
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,394
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD
14
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,129
CRITICIZE EVE'S COACH
IN FRONT OF HER.
15
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,463
HE'S NO VINCE LOMBARDI.
16
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,631
HE'S NOT EVEN VINCE,
17
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,833
THAT WEIRD KID
THAT BAGS OUR GROCERIES.
18
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,668
HE'S NOT A KID.
HE'S 40.
19
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,204
AND WHAT BAGGER VINCE
LACKS IN SKILLS,
20
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,806
HE MAKES UP FOR IN HUGS.
21
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,043
I JUST THOUGHT BEING THE KICKER
ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM
22
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,210
WOULD BE
A LITTLE MORE FUN.
23
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,378
I MEAN, LOSING SUCKS.
24
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,313
HONEY, YOU GOT TO TAKE THE BAD
WITH THE GOOD.
25
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,715
I MEAN, ISN'T THAT ONE
OF THOSE LIFE LESSONS
26
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,150
THAT SPORTS
IS SUPPOSED TO TEACH YOU?
NO.
27
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,819
LOSING COACH SAYS THAT SO
THE KIDS WON'T CRY ON THE BUS.
28
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,755
KYLE JUST CALLED AND SAID
THAT HE CRASHED HIS MOTORCYCLE.
29
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,190
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD,
MY POOR BOYFRIEND.
30
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,159
IS IT SERIOUS?
WELL, WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR TWO YEARS,
31
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,560
BUT NOW IS NO TIME
TO TALK ABOUT THAT.
32
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,928
HE'S HURT.
33
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,132
-- Captions by VITAC --
34
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,572
Ed: OH,
THERE YOU ARE, SON.
35
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,075
GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.
YEAH.
36
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,609
GOOD THING
HE HIT HIS HEAD --
37
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,578
SOMETHING HE DOESN'T USE
HERE AT WORK.
38
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,346
YEAH, THE, UH,
DOCTOR SAID I GOT
39
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:23,582
A PRETTY NASTY BUMP
ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD.
40
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,251
BACK OF YOUR HEAD?
41
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,087
WHAT'S THIS, THEN?
42
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,222
THE FRONT OF MY HEAD.
43
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:33,192
YOU CAN TELL
'CAUSE IT'S GOT A FACE ON IT.
44
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:34,860
WHY THE BANDAGE?
45
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,595
OH, THIS HAPPENED
AFTER THE ACCIDENT.
46
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,431
I, UH, BURNT MY FOREHEAD
ON THE MUFFLER.
47
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,433
DID YOU KNOW
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT
48
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,936
FOR YOUR BIKE TO COOL DOWN
BEFORE YOU WORK ON IT?
49
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,270
YES.
50
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,373
SO, YOU WERE NOT WEARING
A HELMET.
51
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,476
AS MR. B SAYS,
"HELMETS ARE FOR LADIES
52
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,478
WHO DON'T WANT
TO MUSS THEIR HAIR."
53
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,213
OR IF YOU'RE BEING SHOT
OUT OF A CANNON.
54
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,948
AND IF YOU DON'T WEAR A HELMET
DOING THAT,
55
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:58,984
YOU'RE JUST SHOWING OFF.
56
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,886
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME,
TAKE A LITTLE REST DAY, HMM?
57
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:04,223
NO, NO, THE DOCTOR SAID I NEED
TO STAY AWAKE FOR 24 HOURS,
58
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,126
WHICH SHOULDN'T BE HARD
BECAUSE I SLEPT LIKE A BABY
59
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,728
AFTER THE CRASH --
A BABY FLASHING
60
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,298
IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS
AND OCCASIONALLY VOMITING.
61
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,833
[ SIGHS ]
62
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,001
THERE SHOULD BE A LAW
63
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:18,437
FORCING A KID THAT CARELESS
TO WEAR A HELMET.
64
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:22,007
AND NOT JUST ON A MOTORCYCLE --
ALL DAY LONG.
65
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:23,742
WE VALUE OUR FREEDOMS HERE
IN COLORADO.
66
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,244
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT
A HELMET ON.
67
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,412
YOU CAN RIDE YOUR MOTORCYCLE
RIGHT TO THE POT STORE,
68
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,615
AND THEN COME HERE
AND BUY YOURSELF A RIFLE.
69
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,117
IT'S AMAZING ANYONE'S
STILL ALIVE HERE IN COLORADO.
70
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,919
STUPID ACCIDENTS
LIKE KYLE'S, THOUGH,
71
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,654
CAN RAISE
OUR HEALTH-INSURANCE COSTS.
72
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,490
I'M ALREADY PAYING
MORE TO MEET THE NEW
OBAMACARE REQUIREMENTS.
73
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,658
AND I THOUGHT IF YOU LIKED
74
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,661
YOUR PRESENT HEALTHCARE PLAN,
YOU COULD KEEP IT.
75
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,163
NOW THEY'RE MAKING US
ADD STUFF
76
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:45,831
LIKE VISION CARE
AND BIRTH CONTROL.
77
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,199
IF WOMEN GET VISION CARE,
78
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,268
OUR MEN WON'T NEED
BIRTH CONTROL.
79
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,471
SOUNDS LIKE
YOU'RE MORE INTERESTED
80
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,006
IN THE BOTTOM LINE
THAN KYLE'S HEAD.
81
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:57,009
KYLE'S HEAD
IS A LOST CAUSE.
82
00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:59,278
WE SHOULD CONSIDER CUTTING
OUR EMPLOYEES TO PART TIME...
83
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,647
NO.
...SO WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY
FOR THEIR HEALTHCARE.
84
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,215
WE TAKE CARE OF OUR EMPLOYEES
AT OUTDOOR MAN.
85
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,550
WE ALWAYS HAVE,
AND WE ALWAYS WILL.
86
00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:05,884
IF I CUT THEM LOOSE,
87
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,686
THEY CAN GET THEIR OWN PLAN
ON THE PRIVATE EXCHANGE.
88
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,021
I DON'T THINK SO.
89
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,689
ANYBODY WHO CAN FIGURE OUT
THAT EXCHANGE
90
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,191
IS TOO SMART
TO BE WORKING HERE.
91
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,197
OHH.
OH, HEY,
DON'T BE STINGY, MOM.
92
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:20,866
I'VE GOT TO CARBO-LOAD
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT'S GAME.
93
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,301
AH, AH, AH, AH,
NONE FOR ME.
94
00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,469
I'M GONNA
PEACH-PIE-LOAD LATER.
Vanessa: OH.
95
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,040
SO, ED IS
SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING
96
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,209
CANCELING THE EMPLOYEE
HEALTHCARE PLAN?
97
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:31,543
AS SERIOUS
AS A HEART ATTACK.
98
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,245
IF ANYBODY AT WORK
WANTS A HEART ATTACK,
99
00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,747
THEY BETTER DO IT NOW.
100
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,884
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I BLAME THIS ON YOUR PRESIDENT.
101
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,553
YOU SAID THAT LAST MONTH
WHEN IT HAILED.
102
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:44,723
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE STILL
RAILING AGAINST OBAMACARE.
103
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,059
WASN'T THAT, LIKE,
10 FAKE SCANDALS AGO?
104
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:49,394
WELL, WE ALL AGREE
HE SCREWS UP A LOT,
105
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:52,030
BUT I PREFER HIS EARLIER,
CLASSIC SCREW-UPS.
106
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,198
I THINK
IT'S A NICE IMPULSE
107
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,533
TO GIVE MORE AMERICANS
INSURANCE.
108
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,834
BUT THAT'S NOT HIS JOB.
109
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,169
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS,
110
00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:59,938
THAT COOLER BLACK DUDE
ON THE ALLSTATE COMMERCIALS?
111
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,773
WELL, I'M GRATEFUL
TO THE PRESIDENT
112
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,709
THAT KYLE WAS COVERED
FOR HIS ACCIDENT.
113
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:06,111
WELL, THE FEDS HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH IT, YOU KNOW.
114
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,013
WE TOOK CARE OF KYLE
AT OUTDOOR MAN.
115
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,415
WE TAKE CARE OF OUR EMPLOYEES
BECAUSE WE CHOOSE TO.
116
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,251
IT'S LIKE WHEN I CHOOSE
TO EMPTY THE DISHWASHER.
117
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,419
IT'S GREAT BECAUSE I CHOOSE IT.
IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
118
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,388
IT'S BETTER THAN WHEN
YOUR MOM NAGS ME TO DO IT.
119
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:18,857
WHEN HAVE YOU EVER EMPTIED
THE DISHWASHER?
120
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,226
I'M JUST MAKING A POINT.
121
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,561
OKAY.
122
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,463
OH, HEY, KYLE.
HI.
123
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,931
HEY, SORRY TO DISTURB
YOUR DINNER.
124
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,932
YOU HUNGRY, KYLE?
HEY.
125
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,133
OH, NO, IT'S OKAY.
126
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,268
I ATE AT DENNY'S.
127
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,836
NOT THE RESTAURANT,
MY NEIGHBOR.
128
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,640
I ATE WITH HIM AND HIS WIFE,
IHOP.
129
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,009
SHE'S FROM PAKISTAN.
130
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,911
HEY, I, UH, HAVE MY BIKE
IN THE VAN.
131
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,113
YOU SAID TO BRING IT BY.
132
00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:42,481
YEAH, WE CAN FIX IT,
AND THEN AFTER WE'RE DONE,
133
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,482
I'LL RUN ALONGSIDE YOU
134
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,983
TO MAKE SURE
YOU KNOW HOW TO RIDE IT.
135
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,151
GOOD ONE, MR. B.
136
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,919
YOU ROLL IT IN
AND I'LL CHANGE MY CLOTHES.
137
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,455
UM, HEY, DAD.
138
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:54,293
SO, KYLE STILL PLANS ON
RIDING HIS MOTORCYCLE?
139
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:56,261
IT'S LIKE THAT OLD SLOGAN --
YOU FALL OFF A HORSE,
140
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,629
YOU WANT TO GET
RIGHT BACK ON IT.
141
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,563
THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM.
142
00:04:58,565 --> 00:04:59,665
AND THERE'S
A 50-50 CHANCE
143
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,566
HE'LL ACTUALLY BRING A HORSE
INTO THE GARAGE.
144
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,440
HEY.
145
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,109
WOW.
146
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,578
IT GOT THIS MESSED UP
IN YOUR ACCIDENT?
147
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,813
IT ALSO FELL OUT OF MY VAN
148
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,648
ROUNDING THE CORNER
ON BIRCH STREET.
149
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,483
I NEED TO GET A BACK DOOR
FOR MY VAN.
150
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,253
ALSO A NEW PATIO TABLE FOR
THAT RESTAURANT ON BIRCH STREET.
151
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,755
KYLE, YOU WERE REALLY LUCKY
TO WALK AWAY
152
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,091
FROM THIS ACCIDENT
WITH A CONCUSSION.
153
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,660
I KNOW.
MY DREAMS HAVE BEEN AWESOME.
154
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,496
NO, I MEAN WITH NOTHING WORSE
THAN A CONCUSSION.
155
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,632
YOU COULD HAVE HAD
A SPINAL INJURY
156
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,100
AND ENDED UP A PARALEGAL.
157
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:37,169
MANDY,
I KNOW YOU WORRY.
158
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,338
AND THAT'S WHY I'LL BE
WEARING A HELMET FROM NOW ON.
159
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,039
BUT PLEASE
DON'T TELL YOUR DAD
160
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,108
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM
TO THINK OF ME
161
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,310
AS A LADY
WHO CARES ABOUT MUSSED HAIR.
162
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:48,980
NO, SWEETIE, I DON'T WANT YOU
RIDING IT AT ALL.
163
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,351
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU
IN SOME STUPID ACCIDENT...
164
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,353
OR EVEN A SMART ONE,
165
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:57,322
LIKE WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO STEPHEN HAWKING.
166
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,357
REALLY?
167
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,359
NOT RIDE ANYMORE?
168
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:02,527
PLEASE.
169
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,862
OKAY.
170
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,198
IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU,
I'LL SELL THE BIKE.
171
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,766
THANK YOU.
172
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:13,939
MAYBE IT'S TIME I GET THAT HORSE
YOUR DAD KEEPS TALKING ABOUT.
173
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,912
COME ON, HOW MANY DADS CAN SAY
THEIR TEENAGE DAUGHTER
174
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,482
THREW THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN PASS
IN A FOOTBALL GAME?
175
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:26,985
JUST YOU --
OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
176
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,353
EVERYBODY IN THE PARKING LOT
177
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,355
TO THE HOMELESS GUY
AT THE INTERSECTION.
178
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,991
GEEZ, YOU SHOULD HAVE
AT LEAST GIVEN THE GUY A DOLLAR.
179
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,826
I GAVE HIM SOMETHING BETTER --
AN INSPIRATIONAL STORY.
180
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,027
COME ON.
181
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,230
IF A TEENAGE GIRL
CAN THROW A TOUCHDOWN PASS
182
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,732
ON AN ALL-BOYS FOOTBALL TEAM,
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT
183
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,568
FOR A 40-YEAR-OLD ALCOHOLIC
WITH A DOG ON A ROPE.
184
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,837
EVE WAS JUST SUPPOSED
TO KICK THE BALL,
185
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,906
NOT MIX IT UP
WITH THOSE BURLY BOYS.
186
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,274
THIS IS A PERFECT
FAKE FIELD GOAL.
187
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,209
OHH, AGAIN.
I DON'T WANT TO.
SUPPOSED TO KICK IT.
188
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,245
SHE ROLLS OUT, HITS THE GUY
IN THE END ZONE, AND TOUCHDOWN!
189
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,679
Man: TOUCHDOWN,WOODBRIDGE HIGH!
190
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:55,947
YES!
191
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,783
I WAS SCARED TO DEATH.
192
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:01,119
BUT MY GIRL
SURE THROWS A SWEET SPIRAL.
193
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,921
THAT WAS
A PERFECTLY DESIGNED PLAY.
194
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,390
I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID
ABOUT THAT STUPID COACH.
195
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,292
WELL, MAYBE
HE FINALLY HEARD YOU.
196
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:08,293
I DON'T THINK SO.
197
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,095
HE STILL WEARS
THAT UGLY VISOR.
198
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,364
YEAH, WE GET IT.
YOU'VE BEEN TO SeaWorld.
199
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,266
PLEASE, CAN YOU TRY
TO CONTAIN YOUR ENTHUSIASM
200
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:15,600
IN FRONT
OF MANDY AND KRISTIN.
201
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,202
THEY ALREADY FEEL
LIKE YOU FAVOR EVE.
202
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,937
IT WOULD BE WEIRD
IF THEY DIDN'T.
203
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,138
I MAKE IT PRETTY OBVIOUS.
204
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,807
AH!
205
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,074
HEY, HEY! TOUCHDOWN!
YEAH!
206
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,243
THERE'S
MY FOOTBALL HERO!
207
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,946
YOUR MOM HAS BEEN BRAGGING
ABOUT YOU SINCE THE GAME.
208
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,614
WE'RE A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT
YOUR SISTERS, THOUGH --
209
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,316
SILVER AND BRONZE.
210
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:34,286
HONEY, SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT
CELEBRATING WITH THE TEAM?
211
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,221
I DON'T REALLY FEEL
LIKE CELEBRATING.
212
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,155
WHY NOT?
213
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,724
[ SIGHS ]
THE COACH BENCHED ME.
214
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,159
AFTER WINNING THE GAME?!
HONEY...
215
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:44,129
I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING
I TOOK BACK ABOUT THAT GUY.
216
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,164
WHY DID
THE COACH BENCH YOU?
217
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,467
YOU EXECUTED
HIS PLAY PERFECTLY.
218
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:50,135
YEAH,
BUT IT WASN'T HIS PLAY.
219
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,904
HE WANTED ME TO KICK
THE FIELD GOAL AND TIE THE GAME,
220
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,873
BUT I HAD A BETTER IDEA --
WINNING.
221
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,643
SO, YOU DISOBEYED HIS ORDER.
222
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,513
HONEY, IMAGINE IF EVERYONE
DID THAT ON THE TEAM.
223
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,181
YEAH,
WE'D BE UNDEFEATED.
224
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,916
I MEAN, DAD GETS IT.
225
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,653
HAPPY, MIKE? HUH?
226
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,655
I MEAN, SHE ONLY DID THIS
BECAUSE OF THE WAY
227
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,824
YOU CONSTANTLY UNDERMINE
HER COACH IN FRONT OF HER.
228
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,327
SO, IN A WAY...
229
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:18,163
I WON THIS GAME.
230
00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,108
KYLE, WE'RE OUT
OF SUGAR AND CREAM.
231
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,109
OH, YEAH.
232
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,677
MR. ALZATE SAID
THEY'RE UNHEALTHY,
233
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,145
SO IT ALL WENT
IN THE DUMPSTER,
234
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,947
ALONG WITH THE CHIPS
AND THE DOUGHNUTS.
235
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,148
THE GUYS
AREN'T TOO HAPPY.
236
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,384
I BET THE RACCOONS
ARE EXCITED, HUH?
237
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,953
YEAH, MR. ALZATE WANTS US
TO WATCH WHAT WE EAT,
238
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,789
BUT AS USUAL, RACCOONS GET
TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.
239
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:45,790
WHERE'S ED?
240
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,659
UH, HE'S IN THE BREAK ROOM
DOING YOGA.
241
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,661
ED IN YOGA PANTS --
242
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:53,064
THAT'LL STOP PEOPLE
FROM EATING.
243
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,567
AND NOW LET'S ALL
FOLD FORWARD.
244
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,069
OHH,
ONE VERTEBRAE AT A TIME.
245
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,239
NAMASTE, MIKEY.
246
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,308
NAMA-STAY AWAY FROM ME.
247
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,810
YOU SMELL LIKE ARMPITS
AND INCENSE.
248
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:07,812
THAT'S THE SMELL
OF SAVING MONEY.
249
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,649
I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO CUT BACK
ON OUR HEALTH-INSURANCE COSTS.
250
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,183
WE GET A BIG BREAK
251
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,686
BY ENCOURAGING HEALTHY HABITS
AND EXERCISE.
252
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,021
YOU KNOW, THE CUSTOMERS
DOWN ON THE FLOOR
253
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,055
ARE GETTING
A LOT OF EXERCISE
254
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,323
WALKING AROUND
LOOKING FOR SALESPEOPLE.
255
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:21,092
COME ON. IT'S -- IT'S JUST
40 MINUTES A DAY.
256
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,694
I'M GONNA WHIP
THESE FATTIES INTO SHAPE.
257
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,162
YEAH, AND WHAT WE SAVE
IN HEALTHCARE,
258
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,164
WE'RE PAYING IN LAWSUITS
FOR CALLING PEOPLE "FATTIES."
259
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,768
SO, UH, IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND
WORKING HERE NOW?
260
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,270
SHE'S A FIRST-RATE
YOGA INSTRUCTOR.
261
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:35,407
IF SHE GETS ME ANY MORE LIMBER,
I WON'T EVEN NEED A GIRLFRIEND.
262
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:40,712
HEY, MIKE, THERE'S A YOGA MAT
RIGHT HERE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.
263
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,113
WHO WANTS TO SEE MIKE
IN THE YOGA CLASS?
264
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,181
[ Chuckling ] HEY!
265
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,950
WHO WANTS TO GET FIRED?
266
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:47,419
AND FOLD FORWARD.
267
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:50,889
I'M TELLING YOU, MIKE,
OUR GUYS ARE LOVING YOGA.
268
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,624
A LITTLE GRUMBLING
AT FIRST.
269
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,392
IT'S PROBABLY
THEIR STOMACHS.
270
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,361
AS SOON AS YOU LEFT THE ROOM,
THEY HEADED DOWN TO THE DUMPSTER
271
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,762
TO FIGHT THOSE RACCOONS
FOR THE DOUGHNUTS.
272
00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,464
I HEAR RUNNING AND FIGHTING
273
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,866
ARE TWO VERY GOOD FORMS
OF EXERCISE.
274
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,736
LISTEN, AT OUTDOOR MAN,
WE LOVE OUR EMPLOYEES.
275
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:05,870
WE WANT THEM HEALTHY.
276
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,038
BUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
277
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,974
IS THEY'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
THE WAY THEY ARE.
278
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,609
THEY AREN'T.
279
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,943
BUT...
280
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,311
you're saying it.
281
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,713
I'M TIRED
OF BEING ON THE HOOK
282
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,715
FOR THEIR RISKY LIFESTYLES.
WHAT RISKY LIFESTYLES?
283
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,083
HALF OF THEM
ARE OUT OF SHAPE,
284
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,284
AND THE FIT ONES
ARE DOING
285
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,986
VERY DANGEROUS STUFF
LIKE SNOWMOBILES...
286
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,988
WE SELL THESE.
...JET SKIS, AND --
AND -- AND ROCK-CLIMBING.
287
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:27,292
WE CAN'T DICTATE WHAT OUR
EMPLOYEES DO IN THEIR FREE TIME.
288
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,894
WE CAN, IF THEY WANT
TO STAY OUR EMPLOYEES.
289
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,831
IF THEY STUB A TOE,
OUR INSURANCE RATES GO UP.
290
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,332
UH [WHISTLES] YOU,
COME IN.
291
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,501
UH, THAT'S ENOUGH.
COME ON DOWN HERE.
COME ON. COME ON.
292
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:40,338
LEAVE THE DANGEROUS ACTIVITIES
TO OUR CUSTOMERS.
293
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,439
LET THEM KILL THEMSELVES.
294
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,807
IT DOESN'T COST US
ANYTHING.
295
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,476
EXCEPT RETURN CUSTOMERS.
296
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,747
IF WE WANT HEALTHY EMPLOYEES,
LET'S MAKE HAPPY EMPLOYEES.
297
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,316
LET THEM DO STUFF THAT THEY WANT
TO DO IN THEIR OWN FREE TIME.
298
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,984
IF THEY WANT
TO ROCK-CLIMB, PARASAIL,
299
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,853
OR EAT FRIED CARNIVAL FOODS,
I DON'T CARE.
300
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,321
H-HEY, MR. B.
301
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,689
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT MY MOTORCYCLE.
302
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,690
WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
303
00:10:58,692 --> 00:10:59,858
THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF THAT.
304
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,260
THIS KID DOES A SWAN DIVE
OFF HIS MOTORCYCLE,
305
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,029
HITS THE STREET.
306
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,831
DOES HE STOP RIDING MOTORCYCLES
BECAUSE IT'S RISKY BEHAVIOR?
307
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,767
ACTUALLY,
THAT'S WHAT I REALLY WANT --
308
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,835
NO, HE DOES NOT
BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM HAPPY.
309
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,104
WE'RE GONNA GET BETTER BRAKES
ON IT, NEW TIRES,
310
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,707
GET A BETTER SAFETY SUIT,
AND YOU GET BACK OUT THERE.
311
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,842
YEAH. IT WOULD BE NICE
TO HIT THE ROAD AGAIN.
312
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:18,943
RIGHT, AND, YOU KNOW,
313
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,879
JUST DON'T LEAD
WITH YOUR HEAD THIS TIME.
314
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,885
[ DOOR OPENS ]
HEY.
315
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,888
OH, WOW,
HOW WAS PRACTICE?
316
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,222
BRUTAL.
317
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,825
WHILE THE REST OF THE TEAM
WAS WATCHING GAME FILM,
318
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:38,163
COACH PUNISHED ME BY MAKING ME
RUN THE BLEACHERS 50 TIMES...
319
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,465
IN FULL PADS.
320
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,968
AAH, MORE STAIRS.
321
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,071
MAYBE IT'LL BE
BETTER TOMORROW.
322
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,506
OH, IT'S DEFINITELY GONNA BE
BETTER TOMORROW
323
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,308
BECAUSE
I'M QUITTING THE TEAM,
324
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,377
AND DON'T TRY
TO TALK ME OUT OF IT.
325
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,145
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I NEVER WANTED YOU
326
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,980
TO PLAY FOOTBALL
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
327
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,849
BUT I HATE TO SEE YOU
QUIT SOMETHING
328
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,884
JUST BECAUSE
IT'S NOT GOING YOUR WAY.
329
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,620
WELL, YOU'RE ABOUT
TO BE 0-FOR-2.
330
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:05,924
OW.
331
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,092
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
332
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:09,094
OW.
333
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,428
AH, SCREW IT.
334
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,063
OW! OW! OW! OW!
335
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,065
HEY, KYLE. HI.
HEY, MRS. B.
336
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,000
HOW'S YOUR HEAD
FEELING?
GREAT.
337
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:19,204
MANDY GOT ME THIS BURN OINTMENT
THAT REALLY WORKED WONDERS.
338
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,339
IT ALSO TURNED OUT
TO BE PRETTY EFFECTIVE
339
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,041
AT CURING
WHAT DOCTORS CALLED
340
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,043
"AN APPALLING CASE
OF ATHLETE'S FOOT."
341
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,745
GOOD NEWS.
342
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,346
NOW, ON THE DOWNSIDE,
343
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,381
MY FEET DON'T GET
TO BE IN A TEXTBOOK.
344
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,117
OH, KYLE.
345
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,551
YOUR HEAD
LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER.
346
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:36,087
YOU SHOULD SEE MY FEET.
347
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,355
I MADE SOME LEMONADE.
348
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,523
YOU GUYS WANT SOME?
349
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,191
UH, DID YOU USE
ORGANIC LEMONS?
350
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:41,192
CONCENTRATE.
351
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,894
YOU'RE RIGHT.
352
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,829
I SHOULD KNOW THIS.
353
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:48,199
ALL RIGHT.
354
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:52,437
YOU DID.
355
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,772
I'LL GET THE DRINKS.
356
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:58,543
SO, HEY, UM,
DID YOU FIND ANYBODY
357
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,211
TO BUY
YOUR MOTORCYCLE YET?
358
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:02,447
UH, WELL, YOUR DAD AND I
ARE STILL FIXING IT UP.
359
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,915
HOW MUCH ARE
YOU GONNA ASK FOR IT?
360
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,617
ACTUALLY, NOTHING.
361
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,119
OKAY, I DON'T WANT
TO TELL YOU HOW TO NEGOTIATE,
362
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,954
BUT, UM,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO START,
363
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,489
LIKE,
A LITTLE BIT HIGHER.
364
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,926
UH, MANDY,
I'M NOT SELLING THE BIKE.
365
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,829
BUT WE BOTH AGREED
THAT YOU WOULDN'T RIDE ANYMORE.
366
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,098
I KNOW, BUT THEN I REALIZED
I'D BE LESS OF A MAN
367
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,266
IF I DIDN'T RIDE MY BIKE
368
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,934
AND EAT
DEEP-FRIED CARNIVAL FOOD.
369
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,402
REAL MEN
ARE A DYING BREED.
370
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,570
THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE
371
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,739
OF THE MOTORCYCLES
AND THE CARNIVAL FOOD.
372
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,274
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN
TALKING TO MY DAD.
373
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,109
REALLY?
I SOUND THAT SMART?
374
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,110
NO.
375
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,311
YOU'RE NOT MAKING
ANY SENSE.
376
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,814
THAT PART'S PROBABLY ME.
377
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,816
LOOK, MANDY,
378
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,451
I DON'T WANT
TO STOP RIDING MY MOTORCYCLE.
379
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,253
I DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR
FOR YOU TO ASK ME TO.
380
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,254
OH, SORRY.
381
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,589
I DIDN'T REALIZE
MY WANTING
382
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,157
TO KEEP YOU ALIVE
WAS SO UNFAIR.
383
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,393
THAT'S OKAY.
I FORGIVE YOU.
384
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,831
I'M REALLY GLAD
WE WORKED THIS OUT.
385
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,532
I WAS WORRIED
YOU WERE GONNA BE MAD.
386
00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,876
I CAN'T BELIEVE KYLE IS BEING
SO STUBBORN ABOUT THIS.
387
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,110
MANDY IS WORRIED SICK
388
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:08,613
BECAUSE HE INSISTS
ON RIDING THAT MOTORCYCLE.
389
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:11,049
SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT THAT?
MM-HMM.
390
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,785
YOU KNOW, HE WON'T DRIVE
ON 470 EAST
391
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:17,822
'CAUSE HE'S AFRAID
HE HAS TO PAY A TROLL.
392
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,958
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
393
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,293
MAYBE THIS IS A BIG STEP
FOR MANDY.
394
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,828
WORRYING
IS THE PRICE YOU PAY
395
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,630
WHEN YOU REALLY CARE
ABOUT SOMEONE.
396
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,832
WHICH IS WHY
I'M SO CALM ALL THE TIME.
397
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,034
WHY IS SHE TRYING TO CLIP
THE DUDE'S WINGS, YOU KNOW?
398
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,402
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TALK TO HER.
399
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,638
YOU DON'T WORRY
WHEN I RIDE MY MOTORCYCLE.
400
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,506
WELL, HONEY, KYLE DOES
NOT HAVE YOUR GOOD JUDGMENT.
401
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,742
REMEMBER HIS
INDOOR BARBECUE PARTY?
402
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,645
[ CHUCKLES ]
KYLE DOESN'T.
403
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,146
AND, YES, I DO.
404
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,181
YOU DO WHAT?
405
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,349
WORRY. WORRY.
406
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,551
I WORRY EVERY TIME
YOU ROAR DOWN THE DRIVEWAY
407
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,886
ON THAT STUPID MOTORCYCLE.
408
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,655
AND UNTIL I HEAR YOU COME BACK,
I HAVE A PIT IN MY STOMACH.
409
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:53,491
WELL, YOU EAT A LOT OF FRUIT.
MAYBE IT IS A PIT.
410
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,027
COME ON, VANESSA.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
411
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,196
YOU SAID YOU'RE OKAY WITH ME
RIDING THE MOTORCYCLE.
I KNOW. I KNOW, HONEY.
412
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,365
I TRY TO BE, BUT [SIGHS]
413
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:05,003
WORRYING IS THE PRICE I PAY
FOR CARING ABOUT SOMEONE.
414
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:09,340
YOU KNOW, YOU --
YOU DO DANGEROUS STUFF
415
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,341
I DON'T ALWAYS MENTION.
416
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,776
OH, YEAH? LIKE WHAT?
417
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,378
WALKING AROUND HERE
LOOKING LIKE YOU DO.
418
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,046
MM?
419
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:17,749
WHY DON'T WE
GO UPSTAIRS?
420
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,450
NOW?
421
00:15:21,053 --> 00:15:22,887
AH...
422
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,189
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING
BEFORE WE ATE HALF A CAKE?
423
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,692
I MEAN...BLAH!
424
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,396
ALL RIGHT,
I GET YOUR POINT, YEAH.
425
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,865
BUT LET THE RECORD SHOW...
426
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,366
I wanted to.
427
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:43,574
Man: TOUCHDOWN,WOODBRIDGE HIGH!
428
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,209
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING
THE GAME FILM FOR?
429
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,577
YOUR MOM SAYS
YOU'RE GONNA QUIT.
430
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,080
WELL, I LIKE THE PART
WHERE I WIN.
431
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:52,583
OR THE PART WHERE 78
GETS HIS JUNK STEPPED ON.
432
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,585
RIGHT THERE.
433
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,421
OW.
434
00:15:56,423 --> 00:16:00,491
YOU KNOW, THAT FAKE FIELD GOAL
IS A GUTSY CALL.
435
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,328
A LOT COULD GO WRONG
ON A CALL LIKE THAT, HUH?
436
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,996
FUMBLE THAT SNAP,
437
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,665
OVERTHROW THE RECEIVER,
GET SACKED.
438
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,667
THE POINT IS
I DIDN'T, SO...
439
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:10,902
THE POINT IS IF YOU DID,
440
00:16:10,904 --> 00:16:13,571
THE TEAM WOULD HAVE SUFFERED
THE CONSEQUENCES.
441
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,740
BUT I DIDN'T.
442
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:16,774
YOU TOLD THE RECEIVER
443
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,476
TO POST PATTERN
INTO THE END ZONE.
444
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,244
WHAT IF HE DECIDED,
"WAIT A MINUTE.
445
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,080
I'M GONNA DO
WHAT I WANT TO DO"?
446
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,748
WELL,
I TOLD HIM WHAT TO DO.
447
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,416
YEAH, AND YOU WERE COUNTING
ON HIM TO LISTEN, RIGHT?
448
00:16:26,685 --> 00:16:28,586
LIKE THE COACH
WAS COUNTING ON YOU TO LISTEN
449
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,254
WHEN HE TOLD YOU
TO KICK THE FIELD GOAL.
450
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:33,424
ARE YOU COMPARING ME
TO COACH FOSTER?
451
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,029
I'D HAVE TO SEE YOU
IN A SeaWorld VISOR.
452
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:40,965
KID, IF YOU JOIN
THE MILITARY,
453
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,767
YOU CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS
ON YOUR OWN LIKE THIS.
454
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,602
WAR IS LIFE-AND-DEATH.
455
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,270
THIS IS JUST FOOTBALL.
456
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,606
TELL THAT TO 78.
457
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,441
KID'S FIGHTING
FOR HIS LIFE RIGHT THERE.
458
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,777
[ GROANS ]
459
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,779
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO QUIT,
DO YOU?
460
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:58,049
I WANT YOU
TO STOP COACHING THE TEAM.
461
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,350
LET THE COACH DO THAT,
462
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,686
EVEN IF YOU THINK
HE'S DOING A BAD JOB.
463
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,688
[ SIGHS ]
464
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,790
ALL RIGHT. FINE.
465
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,625
I'LL STICK IT OUT.
466
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:10,194
THAT'S MY BOY.
467
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,531
STILL A GIRL, DAD.
468
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,933
JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.
469
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,040
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
470
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,008
WHAT'S WITH THE DOUGHNUTS?
YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.
471
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,644
MR. ALZATE GAVE UP
ON ALL THE HEALTH FOOD.
472
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,312
NOW THE RACCOONS ARE STUCK
473
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:30,815
WITH ALL THOSE CARROT STICKS
AND CELERY.
474
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,817
YOU SHOULD BE
THE BIGGER MAN.
475
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,053
RUN DOWN THERE
WITH A LITTLE RANCH DRESSING.
476
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:37,722
Ed: ALL RIGHT.
477
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,991
AND I'LL SEE YOU
LATER AT HOME, MY BABY.
478
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:41,059
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES, SMOOCHES ]
479
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,860
OKAY.
HEY, CARE
FOR A DOUGHNUT, MA'AM?
480
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:43,995
OH, NO, THANKS.
481
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,030
I GET ENOUGH SUGAR
FROM THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.
482
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:48,299
IS THAT HOW HE GOT YOU
INTO THE VAN IN THE FIRST PLACE?
483
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,070
THAT'S MY LADY.
LOOK AT HER GO.
484
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,539
WE ALL LIKE TO SEE THAT.
485
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:57,742
SO, MR. ALZATE, DOES THIS MEAN
NO MORE YOGA CLASSES?
486
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,110
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
487
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,212
I'M GONNA STOP TELLING PEOPLE
HOW TO LIVE THEIR LIVES.
488
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,047
MIKE WAS RIGHT --
YOU CAN'T STOP OUR EMPLOYEES
489
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:04,549
FROM ENGAGING
IN RISKY BEHAVIOR.
490
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,850
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
491
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,286
I'VE BEEN ENGAGING
IN A LITTLE BIT MYSELF.
492
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,654
WENDI IS PREGNANT.
493
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,126
CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.
494
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,794
WHO'S THE FATHER?
495
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,267
I AM, YOU IDIOT.
496
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:27,038
I GUESS THOSE
CRAFTMATIC ADJUSTABLE BEDS
497
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,273
DO MORE OF THE WORK
THAN I THOUGHT.
498
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,479
IT IS NOT UNCOMMON
FOR A FIT MAN IN HIS PRIME
499
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,247
TO CONTINUE
SIRING CHILDREN.
500
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,648
PICASSO HAD A SON AT 70.
501
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,283
DID YOU SEE THE PICTURE
OF THAT KID?
502
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,452
HE'S GOT TWO EARS
ON THE SAME SIDE OF HIS HEAD.
503
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:45,890
WELL, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU,
MR. ALZATE.
YEAH.
504
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,592
THIS IS
A WONDERFUL THING, MIKE.
505
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,660
COME ON. THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE
TO HAVE A SON.
506
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,163
IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE
TO DO A LOT OF THINGS.
507
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,199
YOU'LL BE GOING OUT
WHEN THE KID'S COMING IN.
508
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,502
MAYBE YOU CAN WAVE AT HIM
509
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,103
IN THAT WEIRD TUNNEL
THEY TALK ABOUT.
510
00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,571
"HEY."
511
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,006
YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUIN THIS
FOR ME, MIKE.
512
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,274
YOU CAN MAKE
ALL THE JOKES YOU WANT.
513
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,442
OKAY, HOW ABOUT WENDI?
514
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,244
SHE'LL BE, YOU KNOW,
CLEANING DIAPERS
515
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:08,412
AND WIPING UP DROOL
AND TAKING CARE OF THE BABY.
516
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,916
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
517
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,017
I WASN'T.
518
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,752
ALL RIGHT,
I'M NOT ABOUT TO START NOW.
519
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,521
JUST A SECOND.
JUST A SECOND HERE.
520
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,089
HERE YOU ARE RIGHT HERE.
521
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:19,624
SOMETHING
TO SOAK UP THE ALCOHOL.
522
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,927
HOLD MY CALLS.
523
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:25,630
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
WELL, I GUESS WE CAN GO BACK
TO BEING RISK-TAKERS.
524
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,665
I WAS WORRIED MR. ALZATE
WAS GONNA TELL ME
525
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,600
I COULDN'T RIDE
MY MOTORCYCLE ANYMORE.
526
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,636
ONLY ONE PERSON CAN
MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOU.
527
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,604
ME.
NO, ME.
528
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,940
AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
RIDE THAT MOTORCYCLE ANYMORE.
529
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,609
IS THIS BECAUSE
OF OBAMACARE?
530
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:42,280
YOU KNOW,
I'D LIKE TO BLAME OBAMA
531
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:45,683
BECAUSE LITERALLY
EVERYTHING'S HIS FAULT.
532
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,120
THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT.
533
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,788
IT'S ABOUT SOMEBODY IN
YOUR LIFE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU.
534
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:53,024
YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY
WHO'S WORRIED SICK,
535
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:55,126
FRIGHTENED
THAT YOU MIGHT GET HURT.
536
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:56,794
YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT?
537
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,629
I GET IT.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
538
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,598
OKAY.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, MR. B.
539
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,236
Ed: OH, MY GOD,
WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE?!
540
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,406
NOW HE'S THINKING
ABOUT IT.
541
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:16,380
HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN
542
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,549
WITH A WORD
ON THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT.
543
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,051
YOWCH!
544
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:21,419
IF NOTHING ELSE,
545
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,588
IT SHOULD MOTIVATE US
TO NEVER GET SICK.
546
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,756
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE
A LOT OF CRAZY IDEAS
547
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,225
HOW TO STAY HEALTHY.
548
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,393
AND NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO
OR HOW MISERABLE IT MAKES THEM,
549
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,895
THEY ALWAYS SAY
THE SAME THING, RIGHT?
550
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,397
"OH, YEAH,
I-I-I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER."
551
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,400
FOR INSTANCE, LEMON WATER,
552
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,070
MAPLE SYRUP,
AND A DASH OF CAYENNE PEPPER.
553
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,905
THIS IS CALLED
"THE MASTER CLEANSE."
554
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,274
SOUTH OF THE BORDER,
IT'S JUST CALLED "TAP WATER."
555
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:47,445
I CALL IT "DON'T STAND
BETWEEN ME AND A BATHROOM."
556
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,114
YOU DRINK NOTHING BUT THIS
FOR 10 STRAIGHT DAYS --
557
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,750
WHAT DO THE SURVIVORS
SAY WHEN THEY'RE FINISHED?
558
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,686
"I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER."
559
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,522
MY QUESTION IS, HOW BAD
WERE YOU FEELING BEFORE?
560
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,391
DO YOU REMEMBER JIM FIXX?
561
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:02,426
PRETTY MUCH
INVENTED JOGGING, JIM.
562
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,762
MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HE INVENTED?
563
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,598
DROPPING DEAD WHILE JOGGING.
564
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,267
YOU KNOW WHAT
HIS LAST WORDS WERE
565
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,702
AS HE WAS LYING ON THE PAVEMENT,
CLUTCHING HIS CHEST?
566
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:15,873
"I'M PRETTY SURE
I'VE FELT BETTER."
567
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,644
ANYTHING GOOD OR BAD
TAKEN TO EXTREME IS BAD.
568
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,646
NIKE'S MOTTO IS "JUST DO IT."
569
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:24,248
NOT JUST "DO IT UNTIL
YOU'RE LYING ON THE SIDEWALK
570
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:26,284
AND SOMEONE'S
STANDING OVER YOU GOING,
571
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:29,687
'HEY! AREN'T YOU JIM FIXX?'"
42440
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