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1
00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:04,303
"LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED"
2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:06,972
IN FRONT OF A LIVESTUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,207
WHAT'S UP, HONEY?
4
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,876
UGH. CAN YOU BELIEVE
THERE'S ANOTHER KARDASHIAN?
5
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,312
LOOK AT THIS.
6
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,646
IT'S LIKE CARS --
7
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,281
THEY COME OUT
WITH A NEW MODEL EVERY YEAR.
8
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:21,620
I BET SHE'S GOT
THAT NEW KARDASHIAN SMELL.
9
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,122
HONEY, I HATE HOW,
AS WOMEN,
10
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:27,059
WE'RE EITHER OBJECTS OF DESIRE
OR DOMESTIC SERVANTS.
11
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:31,497
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE.
ANYWAY, WHEN'S DINNER, TOOTS?
12
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,665
LUCKY ME. I'M BOTH.
13
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:37,002
HEY.
MUST BE DINNER.
LOOK WHO SHOWED UP.
14
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,003
HA HA.
15
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,671
HA HA. NO,
WE JUST CAME TO GET BOYD.
16
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,340
HOLD ON.
17
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,142
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?
[ CHUCKLES ]
18
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,310
HEY, THANKS FOR PICKING UP BOYD
FROM SCHOOL, MOM.
19
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:46,545
YEAH.
HE'S UPSTAIRS NAPPING.
20
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,180
HONEY, I THINK HE'S COMING DOWN
WITH SOMETHING.
21
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,848
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
HE'S COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING?
22
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,083
WHAT'S HE DOING
IN THE HOUSE?
23
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,685
OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER, MIKE?
YOU AFRAID OF A LITTLE BOY?
24
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,354
THIS FROM THE GUY
THAT TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM
25
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:56,622
AND LEFT FOR THREE YEARS?
26
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,859
I DON'T THINK --
AAH, AAH, AAH.
27
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,862
[ Weakly ] MOMMY,
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
28
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:07,399
OHH, YOU HAVE SPOTS
AND A FEVER.
29
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,201
UH-OH. COME HERE. COME HERE.
STOP SCRATCHING.
30
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,869
NO, NO, THIS IS LOOKING
LIKE CHICKEN POX.
31
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,872
[ Chuckling ]
GREAT.
32
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,074
I'VE ALREADY HAD 'EM.
33
00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:18,043
SO HAVE I,
34
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,945
AND THE GIRLS HAVE ALL HAD
THEIR VACCINATIONS.
35
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:22,414
UH, WELL, I'VE NEVER HAD THEM,
AND I'VE NEVER BEEN VACCINATED.
36
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,416
UH, O-OKAY,
I'M GONNA GET BOYD BACK TO BED.
37
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,051
YOU NEED
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
38
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,386
SHE'S RIGHT. CHICKEN POX
ARE MUCH WORSE FOR ADULTS.
39
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,554
SO GO. GO, GO, GO.
40
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,389
DON'T YOU WANT TO
LICK YOUR KID GOODBYE?
41
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,891
HEY, BABE, I'M JUST GONNA
WAIT OUTSIDE, OKAY?
42
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:35,227
OKAY.
IT'S GONNA BE TERRIBLE IN HERE
WITHOUT YOU.
43
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:38,230
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S GONNA...
44
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,766
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH BOYD?
HE'S ALL, LIKE, BROKEN OUT.
45
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,867
CHICKEN POX.
THANK GOD.
46
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,702
FOR A SECOND,
I THOUGHT HE HAD ACNE.
47
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,271
I CANNOT AFFORD
TO CATCH THAT.
48
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,240
I DON'T THINK ACNE
IS CONTAGIOUS, HONEY.
49
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,575
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
50
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,376
NOBODY WENT NEAR THE KIDS
WHO HAD IT IN HIGH SCHOOL.
51
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,412
THEY WERE ALL TREATED
LIKE LEOPARDS.
52
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,247
YOU MEAN LEPERS?
53
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,248
THE "D" IS SILENT?
54
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,484
OH, I NEVER KNEW THAT.
[ GIGGLES ]
55
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,219
HEY, UH, SO,
SINCE RYAN IS SUSCEPTIBLE,
56
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,420
IT MIGHT BE BETTER
57
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,122
IF BOYD AND I STAYED HERE
FOR THE NEXT FEW NIGHTS.
58
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,224
NO, KRIS, JUST BRING HIM HOME,
ALL RIGHT?
59
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,425
I'LL STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
60
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,559
NO, YOU'LL CATCH IT,
OKAY?
61
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,928
OUR APARTMENT WILL BE LIKE
A PETRI DISH.
62
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,664
PETRI DISH HAS MORE SQUARE
FOOTAGE THAN YOUR APARTMENT.
63
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,833
HONEY, I KEEP WONDERING
HOW BOYD CAUGHT THIS.
RIGHT.
64
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,102
I MEAN, HE'S HAD ALL
HIS VACCINATIONS, RIGHT?
65
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,771
THAT VACCINE
IS NOT 100% EFFECTIVE.
66
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:20,772
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
67
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,007
WELL, MAYBE IT'S NOT
CHICKEN POX.
68
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,343
MAYBE IT'S SOME WEIRD
ARMADILLO POX HE GOT
69
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,578
FROM ONE OF THOSE UNDOCUMENTEDS
AT HIS SCHOOL.
70
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,013
MORE LIKELY HE GOT IT
71
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,349
BECAUSE SOME SELFISH PARENT
FIGURED,
72
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,683
"ALL THE OTHER KIDS
HAVE GOT THEIR SHOTS,
73
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:32,784
SO WHY BOTHER?"
74
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,787
OR A THOUGHTFUL,
WELL-INFORMED PARENT
75
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,289
WHO KNOWS THAT VACCINES
COULD ACTUALLY
76
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,925
MAKE HER CHILD SICKER
THAN THE DISEASE.
77
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:42,794
THAT'S RIGHT.
78
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,830
I MADE THE CHOICE
NOT TO VACCINATE BOYD.
79
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,698
YOU WHAT?!
YOU DID WHAT?!
80
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,501
NO, SERIOUSLY, SPEAK UP.
81
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,304
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING
THROUGH THE GLASS.
82
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:56,275
-- Captions by VITAC --
83
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:00,479
WAIT A MINUTE, KRIS.
84
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,347
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU GOT THAT
BOY VACCINATED A LONG TIME AGO.
85
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,448
WELL, I LIED, OKAY?
86
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,950
I TOOK HIM TO GET ICE CREAM
INSTEAD.
87
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,985
SO YOU'RE THUMBING YOUR NOSE
AT DIABETES, TOO?
88
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,321
GOOD.
GREAT PARENTING.
89
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,556
THEN IT'S NOT JUST
VARICELLA.
90
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:14,893
HE DIDN'T GET HIS DTaP,
HEP B, HIB, MMR, PCV.
91
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,295
HONEY, THIS IS BAD.
92
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:19,631
IT COULD LEAD TO A SERIOUS
OUTBREAK OF ABBREVIATIONS.
93
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,500
LOOK, YOU GOT TO VACCINATE
THIS KID.
94
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,335
NO. OKAY?
I DID MY RESEARCH.
95
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,304
THERE CAN BE DANGEROUS
SIDE EFFECTS.
96
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:26,638
WHAT ABOUT THE SIDE EFFECT
OF A SICK KID UPSTAIRS?
97
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,006
YOU DON'T VACCINATE HIM,
98
00:03:28,008 --> 00:03:29,675
HE COULD END UP WITH MUMPS,
TETANUS, OR GERMAN MEASLES,
99
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,310
AND YOU CAN'T MESS
WITH GERMAN MEASLES.
100
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,911
I -- LITERALLY,
IT STARTS WITH AN ITCH.
101
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,313
NEXT DAY, YOU LOSE POLAND.
102
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,585
KRIS, THE SIDE EFFECTS
FROM THESE VACCINES
103
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,686
ARE EXTREMELY RARE.
104
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,521
SURE,
ACCORDING TO THE A.M.A.,
105
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,356
BUT THEY'RE IN THE POCKETS
OF BIG PHARMA.
106
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:45,490
WHERE DO YOU GET
YOUR SCIENCE,
107
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,192
ON THE BULLETIN BOARD
AT THE YOGA STUDIO?
108
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,994
OH. DAD.
NO, BUT THESE DISEASES,
109
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:51,496
THEY'RE MAKING
A BIG COMEBACK...
EXACTLY. EXACTLY.
110
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:54,333
...THANKS TO THIS GROOVY,
NEW TREND OF NOT GETTING SHOTS.
111
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,667
LISTEN, THERE IS MORE
WHOOPING COUGH
112
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,703
IN BEVERLY HILLS
THAN IN SOUTH SUDAN.
113
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,705
HEY. BACK OFF, OKAY?
114
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,540
SHE'S BOYD'S MOM,
AND I SUPPORT HER.
115
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:02,941
THANK YOU.
116
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,509
YEAH, ASSUMING THAT YOU'RE STILL
TALKING ABOUT VACCINATIONS,
117
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:08,447
'CAUSE I'M PRETTY MUCH
JUST LIPREADING AT THIS POINT.
118
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,548
THIS IS JUST
LIBERAL HYPOCRISY.
119
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,383
WHEN IT'S ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE,
SCIENCE GOOD.
120
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:12,851
ABOUT MEDICINE, SCIENCE BAD.
ALL RIGHT.
121
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,219
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M DONE, OKAY?
122
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,520
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE BOYD HOME
AND CARE FOR HIM THERE.
123
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,588
ALL RIGHT, NO, NO.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
124
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,590
YOU AND BOYD STAY HERE,
125
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,593
AND WE'LL CALL A TRUCE TO THIS
DISCUSSION FOR NOW, OKAY?
126
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,595
[ SIGHS ]
127
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,765
THANK YOU.
I'M GONNA SEE HOW HE'S DOING.
128
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,233
GEEZ.
129
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,368
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
130
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,536
HOW EDUCATED PEOPLE
LIKE OUR DAUGHTER
131
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,138
CAN TURN THEIR BACKS
ON SCIENCE.
132
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,573
EVEN A BIG LIBERAL
LIKE FDR
133
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,575
WOULD HAVE STOOD UP
FOR THE POLIO VACCINE...
[ GROANS ]
134
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,110
...YOU KNOW,
IF HE COULD HAVE STOOD UP.
135
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,817
[ METAL CLANGING ]
136
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,788
[ CHITTERS ]
137
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:53,392
NICE SHOOTIN', PARTNER.
138
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,128
I AGREE WITH THE OLD PROSPECTOR
ON THAT ONE.
139
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,262
HE SAYS IT A LOT,
140
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,598
BUT I CAN TELL HE REALLY
MEANT IT THAT TIME.
141
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,099
I'VE BEEN PLAYING EVERY DAY
FOR A WHOLE WEEK,
142
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:04,236
AND I STILL CAN'T BEAT
THAT HIGH SCORE.
143
00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:06,338
WHO THE HELL IS
"BEST SHOT IN THE WE" ANYWAY?
144
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,340
THAT'S ME.
I RAN OUT OF SPACES.
145
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,474
IT'S SUPPOSED TO READ
146
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,077
"BEST SHOT
IN THE WESTERN UNITED STATES."
147
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,112
WHO KNEW
YOU WERE SO GOOD?
YEAH.
148
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:17,616
HEY. HOW'S THE BEST SHOT
IN THE WESTERN UNITED STATES?
149
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,251
GREAT.
[ GIGGLES ]
150
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,919
WELL, WE SHOULD GO, OKAY?
MWAH!
151
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,421
IT'S THE PERFECT TIME
TO HIT THE MALL --
152
00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:24,423
AFTER ALL THE ELDERLY
POWER WALKERS
153
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,792
AND BEFORE THE GANGS
OF EIGHTH-GRADE GIRLS.
154
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,094
HEY. NOT SO FAST.
155
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,862
I'M CALLING YOU OUT,
COWBOY.
156
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,632
THIS STORE AIN'T BIG ENOUGH
FOR THE BOTH OF US.
157
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,968
ACTUALLY, FIRE CODE ALLOWS
FOR 1,200 PEOPLE.
158
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,104
COME ON.
GUN UP, GOLDILOCKS.
159
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,772
BUT YOU'RE
A LITTLE GIRL.
160
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,441
BEATING YOU
WOULD JUST BE MEAN.
161
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:43,775
A LITTLE GIRL?
162
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,778
YEAH, IT'S A GOOD THING
THIS RIFLE IS CHAINED DOWN,
163
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,113
OR ELSE YOU'D BE LIMPING
OUT OF HERE
164
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,482
CARRYING A CONCEALED WEAPON.
165
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,718
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
166
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,522
SHE'S GONNA PUT IT
UP YOUR BUTT, KYLE.
167
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:01,159
HURRY UP AND BEAT HER
SO WE CAN GO, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
168
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,563
I GUESS, AS TOP GUN, I'M OBLIGED
TO TAKE ON ALL CHALLENGERS.
169
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,564
HMM.
170
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:06,631
YOU'RE ABOUT TO BECOME
171
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,300
THE "SECOND-BEST SHOT
IN THE WE."
172
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:09,634
[ CHUCKLES ]
THAT'S TOO MANY LETTERS.
173
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:12,170
IT'S NEVER GONNA FIT.
174
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:17,008
HOWDY, PARTNERS.READY, AIM, LET 'EM HAVE IT.
175
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,543
[ BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ METAL CLANGING ]
176
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,245
[ BEEPING ]
[ CHITTERS ]
177
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:23,915
[ GROWLS ]
178
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,419
[ SMOKE HISSING ]
179
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:31,390
[ QUACKING ]
180
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,535
NICE SHOOTIN', PARTNER.
181
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:44,703
[ RINGING ]
182
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:45,737
[ SIGHS ]
183
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,905
[ BEEPING ]
184
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,408
OH! I DID IT!
I BEAT YOU!
185
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:52,277
WAIT. WHAT?
YOU WON? SHE WON?
186
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,346
YEAH, I GUESS I DIDN'T
HAVE IT TODAY.
187
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:55,414
HEY, NICE JOB, EVE.
188
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:59,251
YEAH, DUH!
THIS IS GOING ON INSTAGRAM.
189
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,253
LATER, LOSERS.
190
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,854
WAIT A MINUTE.
191
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,457
BUT NOBODY'S EVER
BEATEN YOU BEFORE.
192
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,559
NOPE.
JUST YOUR LITTLE SISTER.
193
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:10,729
ALL RIGHT,
JUST SOME LITTLE GIRL...
194
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,064
WHO YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO BE MEAN TO...
195
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,234
'CAUSE
YOU'RE A NICE GUY,
196
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,836
AND YOU'VE
GOT GREAT HAIR...
197
00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:22,207
...WHICH PROBABLY ISN'T
A PART OF THIS.
198
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:25,377
WAIT A SECOND.
YOU JUST LET HER WIN!
199
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:29,047
JUST --
JUST DON'T TELL HER, OKAY?
200
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,215
WINNING'S SO IMPORTANT
TO EVE.
201
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,818
I KNEW NOBODY COULD BEAT
MY BOYFRIEND.
202
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:33,985
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.
203
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,721
I WANT TO BE
THE "BEST SHOPPER IN THE MA."
204
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,629
OH, HEY, STRANGER.
205
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,631
HEY.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
206
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,967
I'M AT MY FOLKS FOR FIVE DAYS,
AND YOU REDECORATE?
207
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,502
MM-HMM.
WHAT?
208
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,837
I'M DOING
THE WHOLE APARTMENT.
MM-HMM.
209
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,271
OH, I TRIED TO PAINT
210
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,273
A SUPERHERO MURAL IN BOYD'S ROOM
TO SURPRISE HIM.
OH.
211
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,776
BUT MY BATMAN CAME OUT
REALLY RACIST.
212
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:01,947
HONEY, I'M SURE IT'S NOT SO --
OH, MY GOD!
213
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,416
YEAH. I'M GONNA PAINT OVER THAT.
DON'T WORRY.
214
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,918
YEAH, PLEASE DO BEFORE
OUR BUILDING MANAGER SEES THAT.
215
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,088
OR BOYD'S FRIEND
DeSEAN.
216
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,957
HEY, SO,
WHEN CAN BOYD COME HOME?
217
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,325
HE'S BETTER.
218
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:14,493
I AM EXHAUSTED,
219
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,461
BUT AT LEAST HE'LL NEVER
GET CHICKEN POX AGAIN,
220
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,331
AND WE DID IT WITHOUT EXPOSING
HIM TO THE RISK OF A VACCINE.
221
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:23,335
YEAH, WE WERE LUCKY...
222
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,504
WHICH IS GREAT
WHEN WE'RE IN VEGAS.
223
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:28,006
BUT, UM, I DON'T THINK
WE WANT TO ROLL THE DICE
224
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,008
WITH MENINGITIS.
225
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,843
OKAY.
226
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,179
WHAT, SO YOU'RE SUDDENLY
PRO-VACCINE?
227
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,681
BUT LAST WEEK, YOU AGREED
WITH ME IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS.
228
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,183
YEAH, I KNOW.
I KNOW.
229
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,185
BUT WHEN YOU GUYS WERE GONE,
I HAD TIME TO DO SOME READING,
230
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,486
AND --
OH, FIRST OF ALL,
231
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,321
I FINALLY FINISHED
"THE GOLDFINCH."
232
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,656
SO GOOD.
233
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:48,660
BUT [SIGHS] I ALSO READ UP
ON CHILDHOOD INOCULATIONS,
234
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,829
AND IT SAYS THERE'S SOME RISK
FOR BABIES,
235
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,031
BUT BOYD CAN GET
HIS SHOTS NOW SO...
236
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,333
BUT I'M NOT COMFORTABLE
WITH THAT.
237
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,003
EVEN AFTER YOU WATCHED HIM
SUFFER ALL WEEK?
238
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,838
I MEAN, THAT COULD HAVE
TOTALLY BEEN AVOIDED.
239
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,973
YOU'RE BLAMING ME
FOR HIS SUFFERING?
240
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,642
NO. OF COURSE NOT.
I'M NOT POINTING ANY FINGERS.
241
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,477
WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO FIX YOUR MISTAKE.
242
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:07,979
WELL...
IT WAS NOT A MISTAKE, OKAY?
243
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,549
YOU HAD SKIPPED TOWN WHEN
I HAD TO MAKE THESE DECISIONS.
244
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:12,384
YOU DON'T GET
TO SECOND-GUESS ME NOW.
245
00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,419
I'M GONNA GO PACK UP
SOME CLOTHES FOR BOYD AND GO.
246
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,354
ALL RIGHT, I'LL COME WITH YOU.
I WANT TO SEE HIM.
247
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,223
YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU NEED TO
GIVE IT A COUPLE MORE DAYS.
248
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,658
IT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS
FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.
249
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,359
BUT YOU JUST SAID
BOYD'S NOT CONTAGIOUS.
250
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:24,329
IT'S NOT BOYD
YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT.
251
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,071
HI, MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN
252
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,573
WITH A MESSAGE FOR THOSE OF YOU
253
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:37,075
WHO ARE WAGING A WAR
AGAINST VACCINATIONS.
254
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,743
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE THAT WAR.
255
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,247
YOU SEE, VACCINATIONS ACTUALLY
WON THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.
256
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:45,083
SEE, AT THAT TIME, THERE WAS
A BIG OUTBREAK OF SMALLPOX,
257
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,419
NOT TO BE CONFUSED
WITH THE "GREAT POX,"
258
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,921
WHICH IS WHAT THEY CALLED,
UH, SYPHILIS.
259
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,757
THAT LED TO THE POPULAR
18th-CENTURY PICKUP LINE,
260
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:56,461
"COME ON, BABY,
IT'S ONLY SMALLPOX."
261
00:09:56,463 --> 00:10:00,131
ANYHOO, BRITISH SOLDIERS HAD
A NATURAL IMMUNITY TO SMALLPOX,
262
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,467
SO IN AN EARLY VERSION
OF BIOLOGICAL WARFARE,
263
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,803
THEY WOULD INTENTIONALLY SPREAD
THE DISEASE TO OUR COLONISTS
264
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:08,640
BY SNEEZING IN PUBLIC
OR BORROWING OUR ChapStick.
265
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:09,975
BUT WE HAD OUR OWN
SECRET WEAPON --
266
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,309
GEORGE WASHINGTON.
267
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,410
HE WOULD INOCULATE THE TROOPS
268
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,746
USING A TECHNIQUE
CALLED "VARIOLATION."
269
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,247
IF YOU'RE EATING RIGHT NOW,
270
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,583
I SUGGEST YOU PUT DOWN
THAT FORK,
271
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,285
BECAUSE VARIOLATION
IS WHERE YOU POKE
272
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,987
ONE OF YOUR BUDDY'S
INFECTED BLISTERS
273
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,823
AND INSERT THE GOO
UNDER YOUR OWN HEALTHY SKIN.
274
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,325
THIS LED TO THE POPULAR
18th-CENTURY EXPRESSION,
275
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:30,662
"THIS CENTURY IS GROSS."
276
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,896
BUT IT WORKED.
277
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:34,566
THE SMALLPOX RATES PLUMMETED.
WE WON THE WAR.
278
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:37,068
SO, YOU SEE,
IF IT WASN'T FOR VACCINATIONS,
279
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,070
WE WOULD HAVE LOST THE WAR,
WE'D ALL BE BRITISH,
280
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,906
FOOTBALL WOULD BE SOCCER,
WE'D BE EATING BANGERS, MASH,
281
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,875
AND SPOTTED DICK
WOULD BE A DESSERT.
282
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,447
[ Chuckling ] HEY.
283
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,283
OH. SHH.
284
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,120
HEY. HOW YOU DOING?
WANT A SNACK?
285
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,454
YEAH, THANKS.
I'M PRETTY HUNGRY.
286
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,123
IT'S MINE.
287
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,325
YOU KNOW WHERE WE KEEP
THE PEANUT BUTTER.
288
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,160
[ CHUCKLES ]
HERE YOU GO.
289
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,862
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE FEELING
BETTER, HUH?
290
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,363
I AM.
291
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,867
MOMMY HAD A ROUGH NIGHT,
THOUGH.
292
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,870
THAT'S ONE OF THE PROBLEMS
ABOUT BEING A PARENT.
293
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:14,105
YOU MADE A WISE CHOICE
BY NOT HAVING ANY KIDS.
294
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,709
SO, WHAT ARE WE DOING?
295
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,679
PUZZLE OF AMERICA.
296
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:21,880
WHERE DOES NEW YORK GO?
297
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:25,050
AFTER 60,
IT GOES TO FLORIDA.
298
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:30,221
VERY BLUE STATE.
VERY, VERY BLUE.
299
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,892
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT HAPPENED TO COLORADO?
300
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,061
MUFFIN CHEWED IT UP.
301
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,897
WELL, AMERICA JUST WOULDN'T
BE AMERICA WITHOUT COLORADO,
302
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,465
SO YOU KNOW
WHAT I CAN DO IS,
303
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,400
I'LL GO DOWN AND FIRE UP
MY LITTLE SAW,
304
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,235
AND I WILL MAKE YOU
ANOTHER COLORADO.
305
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,537
YOU NEED ANY HELP?
306
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,638
NO, NO,
YOU STAY RIGHT HERE.
307
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,973
AND WHATEVER YOU DO,
DO NOT PUT YOUR MOM'S HAND
308
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,642
IN A BOWL OF WARM WATER.
309
00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:56,514
HEY.
HI. HOW WAS SCHOOL?
310
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,683
WELL, I SCHOOLED
YOUR BOYFRIEND LAST WEEK
311
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,018
AT THE SHOOTING GALLERY.
312
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,387
WOW.
COULDN'T EVEN SAY HI FIRST.
313
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,923
CHECK IT OUT --
TOP OF THE LEADER BOARD.
314
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,258
[ CHUCKLES ]
150 LIKES.
315
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,927
AND ONE OF THEM IS KYLE.
316
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,763
MM-HMM. YEAH.
'CAUSE HE'S A REALLY NICE GUY.
317
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,598
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT NICE GUYS.
318
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,700
THEY'RE LOSERS.
MM-HMM.
319
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:19,037
YOU KNOW WHO SAYS THAT?
MEAN GUYS LIKE YOU.
320
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,039
DAD,
MANDY JUST CALLED ME MEAN.
321
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,607
EVE CALLED KYLE A LOSER.
322
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,509
OOH. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE BOTH
ONTO SOMETHING.
323
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:30,949
BUT YOU GOT TO EXCUSE ME.
THE DOG ATE COLORADO.
324
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,952
SO, WHAT WERE
WE TALKING ABOUT?
325
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,453
OH, RIGHT.
326
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,056
HOW BADLY I KICKED
KYLE'S ASS.
327
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:41,059
OKAY. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.
OKAY, FYI --
328
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:44,129
KYLE LET YOU WIN BECAUSE
HE FELT SORRY FOR YOU.
329
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:46,131
[ SCOFFS ] NICE TRY.
OH, RIGHT!
330
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,465
'CAUSE
IT'S SO NOT LIKE KYLE
331
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,033
TO PROTECT THE FEELINGS
OF ANOTHER PERSON.
332
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,569
HE PITIED YOU.
HE GAVE YOU PITY VICTORY.
333
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,304
I WANT A REMATCH.
WHERE IS HE?
334
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,639
MM. I DON'T KNOW.
335
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,641
PROBABLY SOMEWHERE LOSING A
SEEING CONTEST TO HELEN KELLER.
336
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,713
OR A HEARING CONTEST
TO HELEN KELLER.
337
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,581
SHE WAS ALSO DEAF.
338
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,950
AND LIKE YOU,
SHE WAS ALSO DUMB.
339
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,486
DAD! EVE'S BEING MEAN
TO HELEN KELLER!
340
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,655
HEY, MIKE.
YOU WANT TO LET ME IN?
341
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,824
GOT A SICK KID IN HERE.
I CAN'T LET YOU IN.
342
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:14,993
COME BACK NEXT SUMMER.
343
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,161
MIKE,
KRIS ALREADY TOLD ME
344
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,996
HE'S NOT CONTAGIOUS
ANYMORE, SO...
345
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,331
WELL, IF YOU TWO HIPPIES
HAD GIVEN HIM A VACCINATION,
346
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,500
WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS
CONVERSATION NOW, WOULD WE?
347
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:23,968
YES,
I AGREE WITH YOU.
348
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,837
OOH.
349
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,006
PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME
SAY IT AGAIN.
350
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,009
I'M STILL TASTING IT
FROM THE FIRST TIME.
351
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,444
LOOK, I THINK BOYD
NEEDS TO GET HIS SHOTS.
352
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:34,612
WELL,
WHERE WAS YOUR SPINE
353
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:35,914
WHEN WE WERE TRYING TO
TALK KRISTIN INTO THIS?
354
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,916
SHE IS GOING TO BE MY WIFE,
OKAY?
355
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:41,586
UH-OH. NOW I GOT THAT TASTE
IN MY MOUTH.
356
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,921
YOU AND VANESSA
WERE GANGING UP ON HER.
357
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,155
I HAD TO HAVE HER BACK.
358
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,523
BUT NOW I THINK WE SHOULD TRY
TALKING TO HER.
359
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,693
THE TIME TO TALK TO HER WAS
WHEN SHE WAS FACING A SICK KID.
360
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,195
NOW WE'LL JUST
HAVE TO WAIT
361
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:53,298
TILL BOYD GETS ANOTHER DISEASE
FROM THE '50s.
362
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,000
I DON'T WANT TO
RISK THAT, OKAY?
363
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,836
WELL, AS GRANDPARENTS,
WE'VE SAID OUR PIECE.
364
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:01,206
NOW THE KID'S HEALTH IS IN
THE HANDS OF HIS TWO MOMMIES.
365
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,577
[ SAW WHIRRING ]
366
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,918
HEY. HERE, BUDDY.
GRAB A SEAT.
367
00:14:17,189 --> 00:14:18,356
UH, I CALLED EARLIER
368
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,692
ABOUT GETTING BOYD BAXTER
SOME INOCULATIONS.
369
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,694
YOU SAID DR. FRY
COULD SQUEEZE US IN.
370
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,569
WE DO THE INOCULATIONS
IN STAGES.
371
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,338
WE'LL START WITH THE MMR
AND DTaP.
372
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,906
JUST SIGN
THESE RELEASE FORMS.
373
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:36,741
[ SIGHS ]
374
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,744
WOW. THAT'S A LOT
OF POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS.
375
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:42,981
"PARALYSIS,
BRAIN DAMAGE, DEATH"?
376
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:47,051
DEATH IS A SIDE EFFECT?
377
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:52,824
GRANDPA!
[ Chuckling ] HEY.
378
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:53,992
HEY, MIKE.
379
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,526
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
380
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,861
I COME HERE
ALL THE TIME.
381
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,830
THIS IS WHERE I GET
MY COPY OF HIGHLIGHTS.
382
00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:01,532
THERE IT IS. LET'S SEE
WHAT GALLANT'S DOING.
383
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,401
WE KNOW WHAT GOOFUS
IS UP TO.
384
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:06,537
CAN I LISTEN
TO MY MUSIC?
385
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,739
UH, YEAH.
386
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,241
JUST, UM, DON'T SING ALONG
TO THE RAP, OKAY?
387
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,611
SOME PEOPLE ARE AFRAID
OF WORDS.
388
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,581
SO, THIS IS YOUR PLAN?
AN END RUN AROUND KRISTIN?
389
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,916
WELL, YOU SAID
IT'S UP TO HIS PARENTS, MIKE,
390
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,050
AND I'M HIS PARENT.
391
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,885
WELL, THIS IS
A PRETTY BIG SWING.
392
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,220
DIDN'T THINK
YOU HAD THE BEANBAGS
393
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,222
FOR ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
394
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,390
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
395
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,926
THIS IS NOT GONNA BE GOOD
FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
396
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,727
WELL, I'M SURE
THAT'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
397
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,897
ORDINARILY,
I'D SAY YES.
398
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:34,198
BUT THE OTHER DAY,
399
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,702
WHEN, UH, MY WIFE AND I WERE
GANGING UP ON OUR DAUGHTER,
400
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,204
YOUR FIRST REACTION,
EVEN FROM OUTSIDE THE HOUSE,
401
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:43,041
WAS TO PROTECT HER,
TO HAVE HER BACK.
402
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,108
I LIKED THAT.
403
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,379
THANK YOU.
404
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,914
BUT DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE
RIGHT NOW,
405
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,316
YOU'RE STABBING HER
IN THE BACK?
406
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,650
[ SIGHS ]
407
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,552
MIKE, YOU AGREE WITH ME
THAT HE NEEDS TO GET HIS SHOTS.
408
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,054
YEAH, I AGREE,
BUT I'M NOT MARRYING YOU.
409
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,122
OHH.
THERE'S THAT TASTE AGAIN.
410
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,492
I'M RIGHT ABOUT THIS.
411
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,593
YEAH,
I KNOW THAT FEELING.
412
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,662
IT'S ABOUT THE ONLY FEELING
I'VE EVER HAD.
413
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,331
BUT IN A RELATIONSHIP,
414
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,999
YOU GOT TO WORK
THINGS OUT TOGETHER.
415
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,500
YOU GOT TO BE
ABLE TO SAY STUFF LIKE,
416
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,835
"LET'S FIND A COMPROMISE
417
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,671
BETWEEN THE RIGHT THING TO DO
AND YOUR WAY, VANESSA."
418
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,239
DR. FRY IS READY.
419
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:17,241
[ SIGHS ]
420
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:18,843
YEAH, BUT GO AHEAD
WITH YOUR BIG PLAN.
421
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,012
MAYBE THE NEXT GUY
SHE GOES OUT WITH
422
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,180
WILL BE SOMEONE I LIKE,
423
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:26,284
LIKE A NAVY SEAL
THAT MAKES HIS OWN BEEF JERKY.
424
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,853
SIR. SIR, YOU CAN'T TAKE
THE HIGHLIGHTS.
425
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,088
OH, YEAH.
426
00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,424
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
427
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:41,799
HEY. YOU. ME.
REMATCH. NOW.
428
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:42,800
I'M WITH A CUSTOMER.
429
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:46,270
THE MEN'S ROOM
IS TO THE LEFT.
430
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:47,472
OKAY. I'M FREE.
431
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,873
I DEMAND A REMATCH.
432
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,641
YEAH, AND THIS TIME,
DON'T LET HER WIN.
433
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,977
[ SIGHS ]
I DIDN'T LET HER WIN.
434
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,645
KYLE, SHE KNOWS.
435
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:55,646
YEAH, COME ON.
CHOP-CHOP. LET'S GO.
436
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,482
I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY,
OKAY?
437
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,816
I'M NOT A CHARITY CASE,
438
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:02,487
AND I DON'T NEED
YOUR GOVERNMENT CHEESE.
439
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,056
IT WASN'T CHARITY, OKAY?
YOU BEAT ME.
440
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:08,559
SHE REALLY DID.
NO, SHE DIDN'T.
441
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,997
SHE REALLY BEAT YOU?
442
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,999
HA!
SO I AM THE WINNER!
443
00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,668
HOW DO YOU LIKE
THAT FREE CHEESE?
444
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,338
I LOVE CHEESE.
445
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,174
AND I DID NOT KNOW
YOU COULD GET IT FOR FREE.
446
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:26,577
THAT WOULD HAVE COME IN HANDY
WHEN I WAS LIVING IN THE STORE.
447
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,913
WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?
448
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,916
I GUESS I LIKED
THAT YOU WERE PROUD OF ME,
449
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,718
AND I DIDN'T WANT YOU
THINKING OF ME AS A LOSER.
450
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,920
I'VE NEVER
THOUGHT OF YOU AS A LOSER.
451
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:38,756
HOW ABOUT WHEN HE WAS LIVING
IN THE STORE?
452
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:43,061
I-I GOT CAUGHT UP IN NOT
WANTING YOU TO THINK LESS OF ME.
453
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:47,265
KYLE...I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
THINK LESS OF YOU.
454
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,235
YOU THINK
THAT I LOVE YOU
455
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,571
BECAUSE YOU'RE GOOD
AT SOME GAME?
456
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,407
I'M NOT SHALLOW
LIKE THAT.
457
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,276
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE
YOU'RE HOT.
458
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,114
AND BECAUSE
YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME.
459
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:07,552
HONESTLY, I DON'T CARE
IF YOU WIN OR YOU LOSE, OKAY?
460
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:10,721
SO LONG AS EVE LOSES.
461
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:12,090
JUST PLEASE
MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
462
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:15,259
OKAY, HOMBRE,
WE GONNA DO THIS OR NOT?
463
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,594
LET'S DANCE.
464
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,762
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
465
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,498
DANCING'S AN EXCELLENT WARM-UP
BEFORE SHOOTING.
466
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:25,970
NOW YOU THINK LESS
OF HIM?
467
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,305
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
468
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:30,041
THIS GUY IS
THE "BEST DANCER IN THE WE."
469
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,378
[ CHUCKLES ]
470
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:40,651
I JUST WOKE UP TO AN E-MAIL
FROM DR. FRY
471
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,153
ABOUT AFTERCARE
FOR VACCINATIONS.
472
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,454
WHERE THE HELL IS MY SON?
473
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,089
HONEY, I JUST WALKED IN.
I --
474
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:46,557
SO YOU HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH THIS?
475
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,092
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY,
SOMEBODY TOOK BOYD
476
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,495
TO GET HIS SHOTS
AGAINST MY WILL.
WELL, HONEY, IT WASN'T ME.
477
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:51,662
AND -- AND YOUR DAD
IS IN THE GARAGE
478
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:53,030
MAKING SOMETHING
OUT OF WOOD.
479
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,834
OH, GOD. I HOPE IT'S NOT
MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
480
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,269
MOMMY!
481
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,270
HEY, THERE YOU ARE!
HEY.
482
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,838
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
483
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,106
WE WENT TO THE DOCTOR,
THEN HAD ICE CREAM.
484
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:05,443
HMM.
YEAH,
I CAN TELL WHAT FLAVOR.
485
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:06,777
WHY DON'T WE GO WASH
YOUR FACE?
486
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,446
HONEY, HOW COME YOU HAVE
ICE CREAM IN YOUR HAIR?
487
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,414
THAT'S FROM YESTERDAY.
488
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:14,118
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU WENT
AND DID THIS BEHIND MY BACK.
489
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,253
IT IS NOT
WHAT YOU THINK, KRIS.
490
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,587
WHAT?
DON'T LIE TO ME, OKAY?
491
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:17,955
I GOT AN E-MAIL
FROM DR. FRY.
492
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:20,291
OKAY, YES, I WENT TO TAKE BOYD
TO GET HIS SHOTS,
493
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,293
BUT THEN I REALIZED
IT WAS WRONG
494
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,028
TO TRY TO DO
AN END RUN LIKE THAT ON YOU --
495
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,531
WHICH, I GUESS,
IS A FOOTBALL TERM.
496
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,466
YOUR DAD
TOLD ME ABOUT IT.
497
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:31,269
SO MY DAD
PUT YOU UP TO THIS?
498
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,471
HE ACTUALLY
TALKED ME OUT OF IT.
499
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:34,972
WHAT?
500
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,641
LOOK, I WAS ALREADY HAVING
SECOND THOUGHTS
501
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:40,645
AFTER READING ALL THOSE
SIDE EFFECTS AND...
502
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,647
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE FOR YOU
503
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,482
TO MAKE THAT DECISION
ON YOUR OWN.
504
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,150
IT WAS TERRIFYING.
505
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,485
I WAS 17 YEARS OLD
506
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:50,621
AND SUDDENLY IN CHARGE
OF THIS TINY HUMAN BEING.
507
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,623
I KNOW.
508
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,293
BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE,
OKAY?
509
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,360
A-AND FROM HERE ON OUT,
510
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,196
WE GET TO SCREW THIS KID UP
TOGETHER.
511
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:03,000
FIRST ONE'S A PRACTICE ONE,
ANYWAY, RIGHT?
512
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:06,470
OH, GOD, I HOPE SO.
[ CHUCKLES ]
513
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,472
WAIT, NO,
I-IF BOYD DIDN'T GET HIS SHOTS,
514
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,341
THEN WHY DID I GET AN E-MAIL
FROM THE DOCTOR?
515
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:14,345
UH...BAM!
516
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:17,048
WITH CHICKEN POX GOING AROUND,
I FIGURED IT WAS PROBABLY TIME.
517
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,883
OH. DID IT HURT?
518
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,218
OH, MY GOD. SO MUCH.
519
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,219
YEAH?
520
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,220
OW!
521
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,554
[ GIGGLES ]
522
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,556
BUT DR. FRY SAID
I WAS VERY BRAVE.
OH, YEAH?
523
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,560
HE EVEN GAVE ME A LOLLIPOP.
BOYD WAS JEALOUS, SO...
524
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,696
YOU KNOW, YOU COULD HAVE
GIVEN THAT TO HIM.
525
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:34,332
HEY, WHO GOT THE SHOT?
526
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:44,942
HEY, DAD.
HEY.
527
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,110
GOT A MINUTE?
528
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:49,780
YEP. I'M JUST, UH,
FIXING COLORADO.
529
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:52,516
WASN'T THE ORIGINAL PIECE
BLUE?
530
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:55,620
LIKE I SAID,
I'M FIXING COLORADO.
531
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,622
WE'RE ABOUT
TO TAKE BOYD HOME.
532
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,624
I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU
FOR LETTING US STAY HERE.
533
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,626
THIS IS YOUR HOME.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
534
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,628
"WHY DON'T YOU STAY AT THAT
RAMADA INN NEAR YOUR HOUSE
535
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,463
THAT'S CLEAN
AND REASONABLY PRICED"?
536
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,697
[ CHUCKLES ]
537
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,533
AND THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE
YOU GAVE RYAN.
538
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,203
IT MATTERED TO YOU THAT HE NOT
SCREW UP OUR RELATIONSHIP.
539
00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:14,705
THAT GUY'S
GOT A BIG MOUTH, KRIS.
AWW.
540
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,073
IT MEANS A LOT TO ME.
541
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,409
KRIS, I JUST
WANT YOU HAPPY, OKAY?
542
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:19,510
THANKS.
543
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,214
BUT IF YOU HAPPEN TO MEET
544
00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:25,216
A NAVY SEAL THAT CAN MAKE
HIS OWN BEEF JERKY,
545
00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:26,951
KEEP AN OPEN MIND.
40408
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