Original subtitles

Hi. My name is Bright Okpocha, aka Basketmouth.

Welcome to the first-of-its-kind comedy show

where we've carefully selected

ten of the most hilarious

and finest...

Nigerian comedians are not fine,

so let’s take that again. Scratch that!

Ten of the most professional and cautious...

You know what? Let’s just stick with… Ten Nigerian comedians.

They’re here to do what they know how to do best.

Crack each other up.

You know, when jokes drop,

laughter is supposed to follow, right?

But that's where the problem begins.

For the next six hours guys,

these comedians will be in this beautiful room,

trying to crack each other up, while resisting the urge to laugh themselves.

No smirking, no giggling, no chuckling,

No nothing!

In actual fact, for the next six hours, I don't want to see anybody's teeth.

No laughing.

Jokes apart guys, no laughter!

I know you're wondering,

why did my people subject themselves to this kind of torture? Right?

But guess what?

One of these comedians will be going home with the title

of 'The Winner of the Last One Laughing'.

Alongside a trophy,

and... 40... million... Naira cash!

Oh!

Which is not for them, but a charity of their choice.

As for me,

I'll be chilling in this lounge, monitoring them through these screens,

seeing everything they do and hearing

everything they say. Yes!

Er, guys! These buttons... do they control anything serious,

like the Nigerian power grid, before I press...

something that would just switch off all the lights.

I'll press something, you'll hear, "Up NEPA!"

Now let's start the show!

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Oh damn! We've got the investor... himself.

Sabinwa!

I'm so happy to be here.

To be the first person... hmm! I might be the first person to leave.

Ah.

Wow!

Ha!

What is Sabinus carrying a cake for?

For them to laugh,

I need to do so many stupid things.

Any style can go since it's making people laugh.

This place is fine!

Move around!

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Who's that?

I Go Save!

Entering the house, and meeting Sabinus there, was...

one moment of confusion.

Bros, there's no Garri here.

The way he said, "Ah! Bros!", I was already laughing.

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Ah! Dat Warri Girl!

I don't know who I'm going to see in the house.

I have no idea, but I don't want to see Buchi.

I don't want to see I Go Save.

What are you doing here?

What brings you here?

And she's going to meet I Go Save.

I already asked what brought her here.

What are you doing here?

One person I don't want to see is already there.

Who else is coming?

Ah!

Your father has arrived.

Ah! The Senator.

Chair-mo!

It was I Go Save I saw first,

with his shiny bald head.

Then Tomama, that's Dat Warri Girl.

I knew this show was going to be good.

Motherfucker!

Ah!

Ojieh, the king!

Buchi is arguably one of my favourites.

And this place is about to go wild, right now.

Hey.

-Aw! -Ah, no!

Everybody keep asking man.

You posted London just now.

I saw you post.

Greetings everyone!

It's the Lord's doing man.

I was thinking in my head, "Oh, boy. How do I face this?"

Buchi is there, who is a nuisance.

Buchi has like 50 things to tell me, and I'll burst into laughter.

The way this house is furnished, if I'm asked to leave, I won't go.

"You have one minute...".

That's your business!

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Kie Kie.

Kie Kie is quite interesting.

Let's see how excited these guys will get.

-Let it be a woman. -Hey!

How is it that I'm not going to laugh?

Drop your bag first, then we'll answer that question.

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

The king of one-liners. Acapella.

I like to do things spontaneously, on the go.

It's something, it's the difference that I bring.

No!

Are you serious?

Accapuco!

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Taaooma!

Now Taaooma; there's no way you can gather...

like five top female comedians, skit makers,

without mentioning Tahoma.

How she's going to survive in this room I do not know.

Ah.

Taaooma, eh.

I just hope I can...

-I hope I can cope. -Baby girl.

Wagwan!

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Okey Bakassi.

I respect him.

Who goes there?

What sort of problem is this?

The CEO!

Nobody saw it coming.

I am mister fearless. Mister say and do what you are afraid to say or do,

but you're thinking about.

The god is in town!

Look at their reaction.

No! Case closed!

I know it will be very difficult, because they will not listen to me.

And they will not allow me to talk as well.

Because where else would this guy have escaped from?

Where else did this guy escape from?

This house will be tough!

We will start soon.

Are they sure this show will make six hours?

I know how to laugh for no reason.

C.E.O immediately the show starts, everyone will be disqualified.

Alright, it's my time, as the boss.

Yeah.

Huh, how many we here?

The King!

Alright guys... Welcome.

-My name is Bright Okpocha. -We know!

I know, I know! It's a script!

Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to Last One Laughing.

You guys have only one task today.

The only task you have is not to...

...not to laugh

Do anything to make your colleague laugh, except you laughing.

Nobody can laugh.

We're going to be spending the next six hours,

making ourselves laugh.

But I don't want see chuckling, I don't want to see giggling.

No nothing! You can't even hide your mouth to laugh.

In case you're planning to go laugh in a corner,

we have cameras everywhere. We'll spot you.

Even in the fridge.

When you hear this sound...

♪ Arise, O compatriots... ♪

Nigeria's call, obey!

Guys! Guys ... Just let me...

Let me just go through the rules and regulation.

Can you play the sound again?

-Does it mean the game's about to start? -No! It's not about to start.

No, you said...

Hey! Sit down. Sit down

-Ah... -No!

No singing anything.

That means the game has started. You cannot laugh.

At that point, you have to make your colleague laugh.

Until somebody fucks up.

Then you'll hear this sound.

Heys! Park well!

The first-time laugher...

will get the Yellow Card.

This one.

Then if you laugh the second time,

you'll get the red card, which is this one.

Do you get it?

-What about the third time? -There's no third time!

If it's a Yellow card, that's a warning. A Red card, and you're out!

I'm about to walk out of this room.

-Then the game will start? -The game will start.

Let me piss. I need to take a piss.

Let me take a piss.

Will you guys walk out on me while I'm standing here?

You guys won't let me leave?

You should let me leave. Show some respect for Basket.

Basket!

Fuck off man.

Leave me alone!

These guys like to stress somebody.

It's the reason I didn't want to be part of this show.

Always harassing somebody. I had a plan.

I wanted to do this show, host it normally,

but they'll frustrate me. I know what I'm going to do.

I'll give them games they can't even play. Suffer in my hands.

Hey sit down! They want to start.

He doesn't understand the lights.

-Look at him get up energised. -They haven't started.

Now, it's time to start the show. Woo!

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

Okay!

I've been waiting for this day for a long time.

We're all ready. Yes! Yeah! I'm ready.

LOL LAST ONE LAUGHING

I hope we don't talk so much we don't know when someone laughs.

See all the people that were quietly sitting since...

Mr. Tony, my man.

The pressure makes them walk around like stomach disease.

Everybody is restless.

Everyone is walking around like restless corpses.

Interestingly, Gandoki is the strongest comedian in there,

but in actual fact,

he might be the first person to leave because he laughs a lot.

So I am actually just waiting.

Let me see what is going to happen.

Can I offer you the apple to help me wash?

No! I don't want apple. No problem, I'll wash it. No big deal.

At least, you are not bossing me around.

Oh boy.

Mr. Funny is about to hit them with something.

Tomama, how many gallons do you need to wash one apple?

No! You want to see if I would press the balls.

-Yes! -That's what I am doing.

Would a grown man give me his balls to wash?

-But you can't. -You're not handicapped.

That's your problem.

Because you go to the gym, even small balls get squeezed.

Like this is the end of the world.

The moment when the LOL Naija is about to start,

that's when Sabinus wants to start his birthday.

No.

Let me see.

Sabinus shows up with a cake.

At that point my mindset is, no matter what anybody brings on now,

it's all part of the game.

The day everybody chose to be sad

is the day you choose to celebrate your birthday...

If it was his birthday or not, I don't care. I don't want to know.

The show is on, it's on.

You shouldn't open the cake before the birthday boy.

Er... Come and stop me.

What now? What's that now? What's going on?

Huh?

Why do you want to use a sword?

-Why are you armed with a weapon? -Why are you with a weapon?

Sabinus! Do you want to cut or kill the cake?

He wants to murder the cake.

Do you want to cut or kill the cake?

-I want to cut it. -Today's the day ...

I know some Karate.

In my culture, it's wrong to walk behind an elder with a knife.

Boss, I didn't walk behind you.

You are strong.

Taaooma, I thought you'll just do this and then...

Hey! What's up!

Why are you removing... Don't...

Like we just started, how can you just remove my wig like that?

You want me to laugh. You want me to leave.

-Is that your birthday cake? -Sabinus.

Anyway, l like cakes.

Is today his birthday?

Whatever it is, it's OK.

If he wants to celebrate in advance, it's fine.

With Sabinus, if you don't want to laugh, avoid looking at his face.

We are not sure. Prove to us it is your birthday.

Them coming out, saying: "Sabinus' birthday. When? How?"

-♪ Happy happy birthday. ♪ -Hey!

That is all I have to say.

♪ We wish you many happy returns. ♪

I'm suspecting,

that cake is made with Eba.

Or Amala.

This is not a cake. What's this?

How'd you use your hand to cut a cake? It's like starch.

When I cut the cake they were like "taste your cake."

And I knew that it was not cake.

I had to be smart to eat from the surface and not the Garri beneath.

They caught me.

Is this how a cake is made?

I knew it wasn't a cake.

He made it seem like it was his birthday.

And then, it just happens to be that

this is Fufu, or whatever it is.

And I am like: "Okay guys! Guys! It's game on!"

You should've prepared Oha soup.

Your cake smells of crayfish.

The delivery guy didn't tell me he was bringing Fufu.

What a Fufu birthday you just had!

So it's not your birthday after all?

You all sang for nothing.

Is the cake the reason they've been talking to him?

Yeah.

Did you hear what Bros said?

If you were a prostitute, you'd be retired.

You'd be paying your customers.

Don't say Ashawo, please!

I'm sure that if everybody had an opportunity to laugh,

we'd have been in shreds by now.

I just realised...

Did you know that back in the day, Buchi was Head-prostitute at Surulere?

You can't say Ashawo.

So, what can we say?

Anything but Ashawo.

Bitch, Ashawo is our slang, right?

No, bitch is not our slang.

It's Ashawo in Warri.

-Opo is our slang. -We are originators of Ashawo in Nigeria.

So what's the meaning of Ashawo?

Opo in Yoruba means a widow. -Ashawo mean Opo.

What of a widower?

"Oporess" or "Opower"?

Taaooma is Yoruba, right?

-Taaooma you don't want... What? -Taaooma!

Taaooma is intentionally avoiding people, which is smart.

But let's see how long that's gonna last for.

What did you do to Taaooma,

making her move like a corpse that's refused to lie in state?

No! She said widow is Opo in Yoruba.

Then I asked, what of a widower? Is it "Opower"?

Ask her again? Did you hear what Senator said?

I did not hear, leave me alone!

I want you to hear it clearly. Is it Opo or Opower?

Can you guys stop?

-What are you asking of her? -Please, stop.

Like I am very angry right now. Stop!

Everybody is getting at me. Maybe because I'm short.

-Is it "Opo"? -Stop!

-Did you say "Opo" or "Oko"? -Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Thank you God!

All the churchgoers, I dedicate this song to them.

This is where Gandoki is... wicked.

♪ No, no. Yeah... ♪

He knows this song is a useless song, and he's gonna do it regardless.

Oh Lord Jesus. I dedicate my soul to you!

I don't know how I'm going to survive.

The situation of life and death...

Sister Monica, the retired prostitute. If you move around anyhow in...

He's singing for you, be here!

♪ Never, never fornicate again, no! ♪

That's not possible.

You can do it!

Gandoki is a big problem.

He's someone I admire a lot

in the comedy industry, because he is naturally funny.

A beautiful woman, with a good shape... yeah!

-♪ Walking on the street ♪ -Do you need a model?

♪ My spirit says go. My spirit says no! ♪

♪ My flesh says go! But, oh. ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

Mr Tony! My man!

Ah!

Hey! Parkwell!

OK.

It's time for me to hand over a yellow card.

It is time for me to punish. OK!

So guys, I want you all to please gather here.

Can we laugh, please? In case there's anything...

We can laugh.

Take a break.

Take a laughter break.

OK, so someone is about to...

Sorry, hope I don't turn you on.

Guys, look I am the boss here! So when I am talking, you listen!

So someone grinned.

Semi laughter, and smile. Let's watch the screen.

Mr. Tony!

I was listening to the joke, his performance,

and I got to 95% and I said,

"Oh, at least I've survived a Gandoki joke."

Then, the smile came.

So, Mr. Senator, this is for you.

Senator thought that...

he was...

watching a comedy show.

He forgot he came to play a game.

-Senator, behave! -Yes.

Can I follow you?

Where are you following me to?

Guys, respect me when I come into this room.

If I don't respect you, will I ask to follow you?

Do Ashawos offer free services?

Come, let's have sex, I miss you, don't go!

Don't go!

I hate these guys.

Senator, the chairman himself slips up, and gets the first yellow of the game.

-What's he doing? -What's that?

My "no laughter" practice.

All right guys.

Ok. Kie Kie has got something for us.

Let's see.

Attention please!

So I come up to do my first gag,

which is introducing everybody to the house,

and it's supposed to be like a plane.

-There are basic pro... -I'll be back though.

Listen! Listen! Listen!

-Listen! -You will flog us with the belt!

Oh, man

I'm happy that I'm not the only person they are stressing today.

I can flog you, listen o!

No violence o!

You can already see that everybody is already at alert.

Safety comes before precaution, and after precaution is the result of safety.

Wow. Very brilliant. Oh, no.

-In case... -Very nice analysis!

-That's okay! -Very brilliant.

Kie Kie was a suspect, and I said you... I am coming for you.

Let me tell you something, if you have accident,

because you didn't pay attention,

I'll not be responsible. I'm doing my job.

Kie Kie, you are doing this in front of animals.

They will not break.

Allow me to do my job.

Planes don't get accident, it's crash. Plane crash.

-So now, this particular... -Correct yourself first!

This particular plane is accident! No, plane crash!

I say it is accident!

-Leave the owner of the plane! -Is it your plane?

Are you the owner of the plane? Are you the pilot?

If you are the reason I get kicked out of the game,

If you see me at the bus stop, don't greet me!

Three things I want to share with you.

Number one, in every aircraft,

we've all flown in aeroplanes before.

If you haven't entered aeroplanes...

Tomama come back now!

You're disturbing me! I want to pay attention, let me be!

This belt that you are seeing in my hand,

this is the safety belt.

It is everywhere in this room.

You can check in the dustbin, the sink,

under the chair, on top of the light, anywhere.

In case you see any kind of movement,

that you were not expecting to see, just strap yourself.

I was trying to go as hard as possible, I decided to go and touch Gandoki,

and I said, "Let me demonstrate with him,

and try and move things around."

Put it on your chin like this. Are you paying attention?

Then you turn it around... listen! You turn it around.

Once you turn it around, you clip it on your ear.

Making one.

Now you will not take this other one, you turn it on your neck.

Like this.

That means I'll be dead!

You do not want? Okay.

OK. OK no problem.

So finally, for the emergency exit,

You see all these round things with glass in them?

That's your emergency exit.

Once you exit, you are going straight to heaven.

Thank you. If you like have a safe flight. If you like, don't have a safe flight.

It's going to be tough, trust me.

Because, Nigerians when you tell them to laugh,

that's when they don't laugh.

So with this instruction, I know they want to make it tougher.

Please. Now that we have everyone here. Please.

Can we do a little prayer? It won't take your time.

I don't trust Okey Bakassi.

Taaooma!

It looks like some spirits are using you. Let me pray for her.

You know she... let's start the prayers.

Let's start the prayer with her.

Da!

Please uncle, stay away from me!

Please, please, please!

You are a lady of multiple talents.

In your career you have created so many characters.

It's like a prostitute opening a 'Beer Parlour'.

She's developed multiple sources of income.

-Multiple streams of income. -Income! Exactly

There are many ways to make money.

All the talents will continue to bless you.

Amen.

I won't lie, if I were the one,

I'd have laughed.

Birthday boy!

-You're the young man. -Yeah.

-I pray that you live long. -Amen, Sir.

-Anybody who would... -You keep shouting "Amen".

-You keep saying he'll live long. -Yes. Hold on!

Ask him If he'd like to live long.

This your beard...

Anyone who sees your beard and says your beard reminds them

of their dead goat, let them die of whatever killed their goat!

-Ehm... -Eh?

Accept it! Say Amen!

This guy said we should not laugh.

Man, it's not easy.

Kie Kie!

We'll pray for you as well.

You're a lady that works hard.

"A prostitute who goes after a debtor.

If she's not careful, she could get fucked again."

It's a proverb

Your good won't get you in trouble.

Amen.

Guys, the amount of "Ashawo" we have used...

It's not even up to 30 minutes.

I've been saying it ... you can't say "Ashawo".

See, you guys! Listen, please. One minute!

I came here with these breasts. What happened?

Tomama, I know you have small breasts,

but take it easy.

That's not a bra, they're panties.

-You take it easy. -I'm confused.

-Is this yours? -Yes, it is.

When did Tomama wear it?

I don't know. The way I grabbed her, it's almost as if my breasts reduced.

OK, I think Acapella is getting ready for something.

But imagine that, imagine that.

He's only advising you, because of your height. Just go back.

So that you can be seen...

That's the height of the insults I've received.

You can't see me from there?

-If you come down... -A little.

The frustration of ordering an item, and getting something else.

See Acapella! That's good.

-Are you just seeing me? -Yes.

Taaooma!

-Can't you see me? -I can see you.

-No, you wouldn't try that. -I can see you.

Compared to you, I'm extra large.

You're not taller than that drum, I can see you.

Wow! Wow! That's below the belt.

Emotional damage!

Acapella, what are you waiting for? Go for her!

Taaooma, say that thing again.

You know that drum. Go stand there beside it.

So it wouldn't seem like I'm a terrible person.

Buchi! Come!

Come and do a cultural dance...

The way you are dressed, you are the only one.

OK.

Buchi looks like the traffic lights.

Satan get away from me.

Buchi reminds me of one Nigerian artiste.

♪ Farther away from me! ♪

It is God speaking, not man!

Farther away from me.

This is where we are today,

and tomorrow will come.

I will not... if you see my teeth, maybe I only ate chicken.

Apart from that, nothing.

Satan get away from me!

Keep singing. I'm playing the instruments.

I say, I cast you and bind you!

Every single thing, I cast you and bind you!

I will not break!

I will not break.

She tried. Saying, "No, no!"

Who cares to listen to you? Little witch!

Taaooma! Taaooma, take this guy from the back.

Take him from the back.

No! I didn't say smack him.

You want to smack it? You wanna smack it.

I saw that!

I saw that.

You said I should smack it. That's what you said.

I saw that. I saw that.

I stand strong.

Like I've got nine lives.

Taaooma, I am helping you.

And you need to see that...

What's the point of debating? How many men here have a big bum?

Right now, it's not only that we are trying not to laugh,

we're checking out who has got a bigger bum.

Please, no one should stress me!

Why does a man need a big bum?

It's not like we don't even know.

Save's bum is bigger than yours!

How can a man have a big bum? Twerk for them!

Hold my bread.

Let me hold that.

I know I have a bit of twerking skills,

I know I will do it better than Tomama.

Kie Kie, women supporting women. Bring me a chair.

I am here for you!

I need that song, "Work, Work".

Taaooma, let's hype her.

Let's go! Let's do it!

Women supporting women, let's go!

One, two, three, go!

This is man supporting man.

For me, I won that twerk competition.

Because it was all about the hype.

That's what happens these days.

Ah!

Hey! Park well!

Who was caught this time?

These guys they don't listen. They don't listen. No laughing.

No smiling, no chuckling, no giggling.

They don't listen.

Finally, I'm here.

Please gather around, children!

We're not afraid. No one laughed.

You will soon find out.

So guys, you need to understand one thing.

There are cameras everywhere.

So, the cameras have caught someone else.

Somebody's getting the card.

I'm back,

with my complimentary card.

Oh, my god.

Let's fuck this shit up!

Hey!

Whoa!

Viva!

Snoring on national TV.

Don't laugh.

You're not supposed to laugh.

No, no, no. Don't touch!

Hey! Park well!