Original subtitles

Woman: Lila! Man: Where's puff?

Woman #2: Lila, Lila, why'd you have to do it?

Man: Lila, do you think this will affect

the sales of your book?

Woman #3: Lila, are you sorry you did it?

I'm not sorry.

I am sorry.

I don't even know what sorry means anymore.

Lila: I'm not sorry.

So I spend the rest of my life in jail.

So what?

I've been in jail my whole life anyway...

A jail of blood and tissue

and coursing hormones,

a jail called the human body.

The only thing I know is that I'm sorry...

Sorry for my expulsion,

sorry for my Lila rotting in her jail cell,

and sorry for Nathan...

Rotting in his grave.

I don't even know what sorry means anymore.

It's odd.

When I was alive, I knew.

Maybe it was all I knew.

But here...

Sorry is meaningless.

Love is meaningless.

Jealousy is meaningless.

My story begins when I was 12.

Jesus.

Something terrible happened that year.

Lila: My mother said because of it,

I would never be able to get a man.

So I should get used to the idea

of dedicating my life to the pursuit of knowledge

or religion or whatever.

It's hormonal.

Nature is a funny and complex thing.

It could get worse with time.

By the time I was 20, I looked like an ape.

Aah! Aah!

The way that mouse looked at me...

It didn't care if I had hair all over my body.

I was just what I was.

I felt so free.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Something about a mouse, right?

I don't think there is anyone in the world

who doesn't know by now

that I was raised in the wilderness by an ape.

Well, to be fair, by a man who thought himself an ape,

but it amounts to the same thing, gentlemen,

does it not?

After spending years in a mental hospital

for attempting to take up residence

in the ape house at the local zoo,

he did his best to live by your rules.

He got a job, he married a human, they had me.

Until a national tragedy undid all those years of therapy

and reminded him what the human race

was truly about.

Apes don't assassinate their presidents, gentlemen!

Aah!

So...

He stole little me from my human mother

and raised me with love and tenderness and respect.

Until quite recently, gentlemen,

I believed myself to be an ape...

Although I didn't know specifically what type.

Apes don't think in terms of type.

It might be argued, gentlemen,

that apes don't even know they're apes.

In retrospect, however,

I'd say I...

Was a...

Pygmy chimp.

Oo.

Uhh-uhh.

I have to say I always hated apes.

Of course, I don't any longer.

Now I don't even know what hate means.

But while alive, I hated apes.

I blame my parents.

I mean, I don't blame them.

I don't know what blame is, really, anymore,

but I think they influenced me

in my ape-hating tendencies.

Mama, look, monkey, monkey.

Nathan, chimpanzees are apes, not monkeys.

Man: Aah!

And furthermore-- Harold, tell the boy.

Aah!

Tell him, Harold.

Uh...

The ape is our closest biological relative.

Specifically...

The pygmy chimp.

A single chromosome separates US,

but do you know what truly separates US?

No, papa, what?

Civilization.

Without it,

we might as well be living in pens,

throwing our feces,

masturbating in public,

sniffing red swollen female rump.

Your adoptive father and I

whisked you away from the life

that most certainly would have been one

of degradation and alcoholism.

Your part of the bargain

is to never wallow in the filth of instinct.

Any dumb animal can do that.

Lila: An animal saved my life,

so I decided to go live among them

in the forest.

You see, animals have eyes that don't judge.

Look at all the hair.

Everywhere, everywhere.

On the possum

and the woodchuck

and the cuddly old bear.

I used to be embarrassed of hair,

not fit to caress.

Now I'm so sure it's a blessing,

I've got no need of dressing.

♪ I once thought god ♪

♪ a creator diabolical ♪

♪ he gave the nod to each one of my follicles ♪

♪ head to my baby toe ♪

♪ now I'm free ♪

♪ no more cares ♪

♪ I've accepted my millions of hairs ♪

♪ my new friends ♪

♪ these split ends ♪

♪ far away from those terrible stares ♪

♪ squirrels don't mind ♪

♪ nor do ravens ♪

♪ if a girl is furred or clean-shaven ♪

♪ creatures are kind ♪

♪ so I have found my new green haven ♪

♪ and I ain't gonna go ♪

♪ 'cause I'm one of them ♪

♪ you know ♪

I figured out a way to stay in the woods forever.

I became a nature writer.

"Last night, on my mountaintop,

"I felt the wind whip through my hair.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

"It was violent."

"I almost died."

"All my petty concerns were sent flying

"with those Gale-force winds.

"I was in nature. I was nature.

An otter, a stork, an oak tree..."

Aah!

"A woman."

When I became a famous nature writer,

I said to myself, "fuck humanity."

I never saw my public, I never saw my publisher,

I never saw another human being,

and it was wonderful.

But I have to admit, by the time I was 30,

I was very horny.

I had to have a man in my life.

I would become what I needed to become

to achieve this.

My success would allow me to afford

to become a hairless lie.

Ha ha.

Woman: Progress! Lila: Yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Honey, you are getting

smooth, smooth, smooth all over,

smooth as a baby's butt.

I love it, Louise.

I'm getting like a real girl.

Yeah. You still in the market for a real boy?

Always.

'Cause...my brother knows this guy

might be right up your alley.

I could use someone up my alley.

What is that, something sexual?

Shut up and tell me.

Handsome, 30s, psychologist.

Loves animals? Must love animals, Louise.

Loves animals, loves you.

What do you mean?

Well, somehow it came up

that you were a friend of mine,

and Mr. Handsome animal-loving psychologist

said that he would love to meet you.

Won't he be able to tell?

My brother says the guy's a 35-year-old virgin,

so maybe he won't know how a woman usually feels.

Plus he has bad eyesight, almost legally blind,

which is very helpful in this situation.

Plus, he has an extremely small penis,

of which he is mortifyingly ashamed,

and chances are he will be so grateful

for any non-judgmental attention

he will be yours forever.

He must be really close to your brother

to tell him such personal stuff.

Yeah, my brother's his shrink.

Fuck humanity was a delightful read.

Thank you so much. I'm a real animal lover.

I work with animals.

Right now, I'm teaching mice...

Well...table manners, to be...Candid.

And how's it going?

I hope you don't think me daft.

Oh, no.

It's important work.

It's part of a larger sociological experiment.

I'm federally funded.

What's the larger experiment?

My thesis is that courtesy, decorum, manners

are all sadly lacking from our daily intercourse.

Rudeness and vulgarity are the norm.

Ergo, if I can teach table manners to mice,

then I can teach them to humans,

and if I can teach table manners to humans,

then maybe I can make the world

a little bit...Safer.

Lord, we thank you for this bountiful gift

we are about to receive.

All: Amen.

Oh, god, Nathan. No.

That's the wrong fork, young man.

Harold, tell him.

That's the wrong fork, Nathan.

I'm sorry. I'll use the right one. I forgot.

Harold...

Tell him.

It's too late.

You'll have to go to your room.

And do you think maybe

this, uh...Early childhood indoctrination

has something to do with your interest

in table manners in the present?

Seems a tad convenient, don't you think, Wendell?

Well, do you have any thoughts, then,

on where this passion might have come from?

It's my work.

You can't reduce my passion

to parental indoctrination.

Why did Picasso paint?

Why did...Mozart compose?

Picasso's father was a painter.

Mozart's father was a musician.

Yes, okay, now you're being nasty, Wendell.

You're just showing off.

I really didn't come here to be mocked.

That certainly wasn't my intention.

It's my work, Wendell. That's all.

Voilà. Oh.

This looks wonderful.

You look wonderful.

Ohh.

I'm on top of the world tonight, Lila.

My work is going splendidly,

my personal... Life--

fork...

Fork.

I'm sorry?

It's just the outside fork is usually...

The salad fork.

Oh.

One goes from the outside in.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I never really learned these things.

It's no biggie.

Oh, boy, this is good.

I'm s--I'm sorry if I became upset.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm a little backwards in some ways.

It's just I really enjoy your company.

You do?

Yes.

Please...

Lila--

please don't talk

when you have food in your mouth.

It--you-- you're so pretty,

and it only Mars your-- I'm being critical.

I can't believe you think I'm pretty.

I have some peculiarities, you see.

I think you're pretty, too, Nathan.

You do? Yes, I really do.

And I have peculiarities also.

Well, I don't care. I don't care.

Oh...

You don't? No.

Like what, for example?

Like...nothing.

I cannot believe how in love with this man I am.

Oh, Louise, he's so cute.

Even his little penis.

It's like a little pig's penis or something.

It's--oh, it's charming.

Well, you've always been an animal lover.

He's gonna find out, Lou.

You're a wonderful woman. He's lucky to have you.

Louise, you're removing hair from my feet as you say that.

So you have a physical quirk.

Big deal. I tell you what I fall in love with a man--

his mind, period.

There's a limit. No, period.

End of sentence, end of paragraph,

close the book, we're done.

Give me a man with intellect-- like my brother.

I know he's average looking, but he's so smart, you know?

I could care less about the packaging.

You don't fuck the packaging.

Yeah, you do.

You fuck the mind, Lila. You fuck the mind, period.

Close the book, end the sentence,

close the whatever.

Hey, I have a really smart friend for you.

He has an I.Q. Of 170.

What's he look like?

Oh, he's gorgeous.

He's...sort of a midget.

Jesus, Lila,

I'm not dating a fuckin' midget.

Nathan: What is love, anyway?

From my new vantage point,

I realize that love is nothing more

than a messy conglomeration of need, desperation,

fear of death, and insecurity about penis size.

But I'm not judging it.

I know how miserable it is to be alive.

Listen...um, I don't want to be dead yet.

Is there any way to, uh...

Hello?

No, I suppose not.

No biggie.

Anyway, Lila moved in.

We had our problems,

but we both wanted love so badly,

we turned a blind eye-- like the first time

I brought Lila to meet my parents.

It's lovely to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Bronfman.

Nathan's told me so much about you--

all good things, of course.

Mrs. Bronfman: Thank you, dear.

I'm sorry. Will somebody please tell me

who this little boy is?

Your father and I have adopted an additional son.

Oh.

Wayne just returned from a week at peace camp

and a week at science camp.

Tell everyone what you've learned, Wayne.

Conflict resolution and flatworm dissection.

Very nice to meet you, Wayne.

Nice to meet you.

Our mom's told me so much about you.

Yes, well, um, I wish I could say the same.

By the way, his elbow is on the table.

Good boy.

That's it? "Good boy"?

Nathan, you shouldn't be speaking to your mother

in that tone of voice.

Forgive me, but it seems to me

that Wayne needs a tad more disci--

sorry, mom. I don't know where my head was.

Wayne is quite self-disciplined for his age.

Meaning....

He does seem very disciplined, but I wonder,

do you think it's the best thing for a child--

Lila's a nature writer, mother. Did you know that?

She writes about animals and nature,

many other things about nature in addition to that.

Wind, animals, uh, what have you.

Squirrels.

I love nature...

As long as it stays in the zoo where it belongs.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I hate Wayne, don't you?

Listen, I'm sorry about my mother's reaction

to your work.

What are you doing in there?

You didn't seem sorry

when you were laughing at her endless,

stupid, cruel animal jokes.

I was simply attempting to keep the evening light.

You know I feel similarly to you about nature.

Do you?

Oh, yes, of course. I love it.

Do you? Oh, do you, darling?

It's my favorite, nature.

I'm so relieved.

Let's celebrate tomorrow

with a long hike in the woods.

Oh, what a great idea.

Is that shaving cream?

I don't think so.

Why?

Then, gentlemen, one day I saw something

I hadn't seen since my father's death.

I saw other apes.

They chattered away in what seemed to be gibberish.

Later I learned it was English.

Now I wonder if perhaps my initial assessment

hadn't been correct.

I saw a flash of white.

Did you see that?

What?

I don't know. Something.

Deer?

No. Too upright.

A person?

It might behoove US to turn back at this point.

If it's a person,

why should we go see it?

It's not like it's nature.

Lila, people who live in the woods

don't want to be seen.

We should respect their wishes.

This is how you get ticks.

This is it-- lyme disease.

For god's sake, what are you--

An ape as I had never seen before,

like me, yet different.

And all at once, I felt a heat pass through me.

Gentlemen, I wanted to touch her,

caress her, to be one with her.

I had urges I could not explain.

And so I did what any animal would do in that situation.

He bolted!

Who are you?

You don't understand my language, do you?

Ohh.

Oh!

Now look what you've done.

Is he dead? No.

Please, put something on.

It's cold. You'll catch cold.

What do you suppose he is, a survivalist?

I think he's feral.

Feral? Don't touch him. He might be diseased.

He might-- oh, my god. Rabies.

He looks perfectly fine.

I think we should go.

Nathan, I don't understand you.

This is fascinating.

Here's a human being totally uncontaminated

by civilization,

and all you want to do is run to the car.

Hold on.

Ah!

Nathan, you're starting to annoy me.

Forget the mice.

Forget Guinea pigs, forget cats. Monkeys, too.

I'm on to stage five with a human subject.

No.

I--i can change him.

I can teach him,

I can save this unfortunate man's life.

No, I won't let you. It's wrong.

He's happy here.

Happy? Is he happy?

Never to know the love of a good woman,

never to read Moby dick or marvel at a monet.

You'd be taking away his freedom.

Freedom's just another word

for nothin' left to lose, Lila.

Doctor?

Good morning.

Only three shocks.

A chimp takes 15.

This is going to be très simple, no, Gabrielle?

Oui, doctor.

Good morning, um...

We need to give him a name, don't we?

Oui.

You decide.

Today is your day.

Really? My day?

Yes.

Um, well,

I had this sweet little mongrel doggy named puff

when I was a little girl.

Puff.

This one reminds me of my dog--

all shaggy, so cute.

I loved my doggy very much, monsieur.

Puff it is, then.

Puff bronfman. Is that okay?

Oui, monsieur.

Good morning, puff bronfman.

My name is Dr. Bronfman,

and this is my assistant Gabrielle.

We're your mommy and daddy

while you're here.

Would you like some salad, son?

Gabrielle: Dr. Bronfman!

Dr. Bronfman!

Oh, hi, Gabrielle.

I just wanted to tell you

that I very much enjoy working with you.

Oh.

Now I'm embarrassed that I say this.

Oh, no, don't be.

I really enjoy hearing that.

You're a terrific assistant, Gabrielle.

Merci. I...

Do you, uh...

Would you like to go get a cup of coffee, perhaps?

Oh, um, well, uh...

I--i don't know.

Uh, actually, I'm on my way to, um--

now I am truly embarrassed.

Forgive me.

I should not have asked such a stupid question.

I know you're a very important man...

No, don't be silly. Don't be silly.

You're so sweet.

I'm sorry.

There, there. Ohh.

You know just the right thing to say to me.

I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

Oh, unless-- am I fired now?

No. Of course not, Gabrielle.

I like it when you say my name.

Is that stupid?

Hello.

Ohh, hi, Gabrielle.

Yes. Lila: Who is it?

Right, Gabrielle. Yeah.

Who is it?

Oh, uh-- someone from work!

Uh, well, I think

you took the right initiative.

I think that shows you to be very wise.

Oh, really? Who from work?

Gabrielle.

Could you hold on just one minute?

Yes.

Who is it, Nathan?

I am on a work call, and i--

Nathan, i--

it's hormonal.

I can't help it. I'm sorry.

Nathan: Your entire body?

Lila: I'm getting electrolysis. It takes time.

In the meantime, I have to shave--

you have to shave like an ape.

Apes don't shave, you son of a bitch!

Don't quibble. You know what I mean.

Nathan, please don't be mad at me.

I'm not mad. I'm disgusted.

I'm the same person I was before you knew.

I have to think. I have to go.

Aah! oh, god.

Oh, my god.

Hello? is somebody there?

Woman's voice: It's a lovely day, isn't it?

No, thank you. I couldn't eat another bite.

It is lovely to make your acquaintance.

My apologies, madam. It shan't happen again.

My compliments to the chef...

Nathan: "Idiopathic hirsutism occurs in women

"who have hair follicles highly sensitive

to normal female androgen levels."

You are looking lovely...

Nathan: How can I find myself in this mess?

Is my girlfriend a man? No...

But, see, she has hair. She's not supposed to.

Oh, doctor, I did not know.

I'm sorry to disturb you.

I just came for some papers I left.

I'm sorry I startled you.

I just came just in c--

oh, my god. Did I hang up on you?

Oui. perhaps I called at a bad time.

I am sorry. I'm sorry, too.

I was distracted.

Is everything fine? Oui.

Ohh. Phbbt. Ha ha.

Now you've got me talking French.

Ha ha ha.

I was in my p.J.'S when I remembered

I left some papers I need to go over.

See? I rushed right out of the house.

I must look a mess.

No, not at all.

I'm in my p.J.'S, too.

Funny, huh?

Mm.

And how is our son?

What? Our son?

Puff.

Oh, uh...Oh.

He seems fine. I guess we woke him up.

The lights.

I should turn them off.

Maybe I sing him a lullaby

my mama sang to me when I was a little girl.

When you were a little French girl?

But of course, silly.

Well, that might be very soothing.

For him...

To hear that.

♪ Fais dodo ♪

♪ lolo la petite poire ♪

♪ fais dodo ♪

♪ t'auras des colas ♪

♪ maman est en haut qui fait du gâteau ♪

♪ papa est en bas... Fait du chocolat ♪

There. Shall we close up, then?

I shouldn't say this, but...

You're a pretty girl, Gabrielle.

Really?

Oh, I always think of myself so ugly.

No.

No, not ugly, but plain, a wallflower.

You're a very pretty girl.

You should know that. You should be confident.

Oh, thank you so much.

Merci.

It's so wonderful

to hear a man say such a nice compliment.

It's true. I wouldn't lie.

You are sweet to me.

So soft.

Doctor!

I'm sorry.

Shh.

More...

Hair.

Woman's voice: My inseam is 36 inches.

My shoes are size 11.

I saw it, gentlemen.

I saw the whole sweaty,

passionate, ugly, beautiful act,

and to use the vernacular...

I wanted me some of that.

Ha ha ha ha.

And I think I understood from that moment

that in order to get some,

I would have to play their game.

Excellent, puff. Excellent.

Excellent.

Now, the lady you're with excuses herself

to go powder her nose.

Ah.

Ha ha ha ha.

Perfect, puff. Perfect.

Gabrielle: Bravo.

I still feel guilt, uh, even dead.

One would have hoped that, uh...

You know, I really did love Lila.

It's just that with her...Problem,

and then when Gabrielle revealed her feelings, I...

She was just so conventionally female.

She had that accent.

I, uh, I was lost from then on.

Are you seeing someone else, Nathan?

I'm sorry to ask, but I feel like I need to know.

Course not.

It would be helpful to know.

No.

Because, you know, lately you seem so distant.

You work late every night, we hardly ever have sex,

and when we do, it's...

Shh.

Different.

I've just been preoccupied lately, that's all.

Well...

Do you like my new look?

It's--it's nice.

Really?

I'm trying, you know.

I'm trying to be what you want.

I want to be what you want me to be, Nathan.

All I want is-- shh!

You're exactly what I want.

Really?

Sure.

Of course.

I'm really trying. You know what?

Louise said that I only have two more years of electrolysis.

That's great. Yeah.

And I signed up for a ballet class.

Look at my nails. Like a real girl!

That's a great color on you.

Oh, Nathan, let's have a baby.

Oo. Ohh.

So that's the nightmare I've been having,

and I can't for the life of me

figure out what it's about.

I think it may be about Lila.

Lila? How?

Well, ever since she broached the subject of children,

you've been on edge,

and I know you have an issue with her body hair.

Oh, I see.

Well, that's something to consider.

I felt it had more to do with child-rearing concerns--

the monkey baby representing parental responsibility...

Nathan.

I think it's important that you look at your feelings for Lila.

Well, I love Lila.

She's wonderful, and, uh, she loves me.

That's--that's no small potatoes.

She's a good person.

That's pretty rare in this world.

How could I stop loving someone

because of a little p-ph-physical imperfection?

If it can even be called that.

And how do you feel about Gabrielle?

Puff: "Good Eve-ning,

lay-dees and gen-tel-men."

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Bravo, puff. Bravo.

Isn't puff doing spectacularly, honey?

Gabrielle: Nathan, we have to talk, you and I.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

My little French poodle.

Stop. Get away. What?

You have to choose, Nathan.

It is like Sophie's choice,

only it is Nathan's choice.

Did you ever see that movie Sophie's choice?

It is like that, only it is this.

I'm--I'm trying to sort things out.

No. It is now that you must decide!

I love you, Dr. Nathan.

But I will not wait.

I will not be your chippy,

your little mademoiselle, parlez-vous side dish.

I want to have

a sweet...Tiny baby

inside my belly...

From you.

I love you so much, Gabrielle.

But...but...

There is a but, Nathan!

I don't know how to leave Lila.

Good-bye, Nathan!

Oh, Nathan...

I'm so happy!

I know everything's gonna be just great!

Voilà.

Here.

Voilà. Oh, thanks.

How's work?

Cruddy. Are you satisfied?

I don't want your work to be cruddy.

I'm sorry.

My assistant quit today.

Oh.

He was highly valuable to the project.

Well, baby, I'm so sorry.

Can you find somebody else?

I guess. Whatever.

Hey! I could come work for you.

I know I haven't been that supportive of the project,

but I've come around.

It's a wonderful project,

you taking that poor uncivilized creature

and turning him into a human being.

What a compassionate, kind man you are.

I had sold my fucking soul.

I let her sell her soul.

I stood by as she did it.

It's inexcusable.

At the time, though, I thought it might be good for her.

When she came to work with Nathan, gentlemen,

she seemed different--

I don't know, somehow soulless.

Shh.

Bravo!

Bravo to you, puff.

Bravo!

Tame me, darling!

Tame your little monkey of love!

Well, I'm tamed, Dr. Bronfman.

I'm glad...

My assistant.

Oh.

Thank you.

"I'll start today with the foie gras."

♪ I gotta crow ♪

♪ I gotta crow ♪

♪ I gotta crow ♪

Woman's voice: ...And raised to the heights of culture

and refinement--

this is the priceless gift bestowed upon me

by Dr. Nathan bronfman.

End of tape 43.

I think he's ready. Oh, boy!

Oh, boy.

Now, puff,

we're leaving the electric collar on.

I don't think we'll need to shock you,

but just in case.

Okay, that's fair.

Oh!

Oh...

Congratulations.

Oh. Oh, thank you.

Oh, puff, bad!

Uhh!

Ahem.

My apologies, madam.

It's all right, puff.

Shan't happen again.

Shall we?

This is great, puff. You're doing fine.

I'm loving this.

It's such a treat to be out and about.

What a wonderful invention the city is--

the immense buildings of glass and steel

glinting in the afternoon sun,

the smartly dressed women in their best summer frocks,

the colorful street vendors.

How is everything?

Just spectacular. Great salmon.

Fantastico. you gotta give me the recipe.

My compliments to the chef.

I'm glad you like it. Chef will be very--

please.

No! Uhh!

Aah!

So, will that be all?

It shan't happen again, I swear.

I...I'm just getting my sea legs, you know?

It's an animal urge, puff.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Lila...

Tell him.

You have to control it.

We're not monkeys.

Lila!

Good. You're doing fine.

You're doing very nicely.

I'm pleased.

Excellent.

Great.

Aah!

Nathan: Bad puff.

Puff: Ass.

Ohh!

Phbbt.

Excellent work, puff.

Extra dessert tonight.

Yahoo!

Tomorrow, the acid test.

Hi. How y'all doing today?

Very well.

Very well.

Very well.

Good enough. What can I get you?

Puff, why don't you order first?

Uh, what's a Reuben, please?

What's a what, sweetheart? A Reuben.

That's a sandwich with corned beef and Sauerkraut--

fine! That's what I'll have.

Corned beef is a good decent meat,

and--someone else please go now, please?

I'm proud of you, puff.

You did remarkably well under difficult circumstances.

Absolutely. Did I?

I tried so hard. I really concentrated.

Oh, I'm so happy!

And because you did so well,

we have a little surprise for you.

Extra dessert? Even better.

Surprise. Surprise.

Free to come and go as you please.

There's even some "mad money"

in the night table drawer for you.

It--it's wonderful.

Do you think I'm ready? Do you really?

I trust you'll make good, mature decisions.

I trust you'll do the proper thing.

Oh, I will.

Your very trust has instilled

an enormous sense of responsibility in me.

I don't want to disappoint you.

Good. Remember, when in doubt,

don't ever do what you really want to do.

That's the key.

Got it.

Oh, sorry, darling. Ha ha ha ha.

Woman's voice: When some things are known,

of which the one inheres in the other

or is locally distant--

...is related in some way to the other,

the mind straightaway knows,

by virtue of that simple apprehension of those things,

whether the thing inheres or does not inhere, whether it--

I'm gonna go down and check on puff,

see how he's holding up.

Should I come?

Nah. You just relax. How's the book?

Mm. Good.

Won't be long.

Ugh. Forget it.

Maybe I'll stay here and get shitfaced again.

Woman: That's a classy idea.

It passes the time, doesn't it?

Yeah, what?!

Nathan: Hi. It's Nathan.

And then she ran into her old boyfriend--

call you back.

You bastard!

What do you want?

I wanted to talk.

You have made your decision,

Mr. Stinky American.

I've got some things to tell you.

Like what?

Well, I think it would be easier

if I could talk to you face to face.

What for?!

I think-- you think too much!

Your whole heart is one big thing

with lots of "thinks" in it.

Full of thinks!

So many, you have nothing to think at all!

What?

You heard me!

You make me want to be sick

when you pretend you don't understand

what I am saying to you.

Go away from here!

Okay. Uh, look, um...

I'm sorry to have bothered you.

All right, already!

Come in if you must!

The door's open, you son of a bitch!

In here, you lousy piece of merde.

Well?

God, you're beautiful.

Please, I look a mess.

No, you look so beautiful.

Anyway, come already to the point.

I'm going to leave Lila.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I've moved on.

I love you, Gabrielle.

Just give me some time to let Lila down easy.

She's a really nice girl,

and I don't want to hurt her any more than necessary.

You hurt me, you know...

When you made Nathan's choice.

Does that not even matter to you, you pig?

Hi.

You were gone a long time.

Yeah, well, puff and I got into

a big philosophical discussion.

He really is quite well-read

considering he's only been literate for a month now.

He's gonna make US really famous, Lila.

So, he's doing okay? Yes.

Very well.

Just a quiet evening enjoying his new digs.

That's funny, because, you know,

I just went and picked him up

at a flophouse on the lower east side--

he called after he ran out of his mad money--

where he'd spent the entire evening drinking,

watching strippers, and fucking a whore.

So what did you do tonight, honey?

Uh...shit.

What did you do tonight, honey?

I'm in love with somebody else, Lila.

And what did you do tonight?

I fucked her, okay? I fucked her.

Do you know what I gave up to be with you?

Yes.

I gave up my soul!

I gave up my beliefs, I gave up my body hair!

So, without further ado,

I give you Dr. Nathan bronfman

and puff.

Thank you.

Let's get right to it.

Here we have puff on the day of his capture.

No maid service!

Can't you read the fucking "do not disturb" sign

hanging on my fucking doorknob?!

Lila, it's Louise.

Go the fuck away, Louise.

To say that he took me from crayons to perfume

would be a vast understatement.

Dr. Bronfman took me from playing with my own feces,

then to crayons,

then to an appreciation of the complex works

of Franz kline, Joseph beuys, Marcel duchamp,

from compulsive masturbation--

this is who I am, Louise.

This is what I look like.

This is me, and I don't want to pretend anymore.

I offer you electrolysis because, jeez,

that's all I have to offer.

But I want whatever makes you happy, okay?

Does this make you happy?

No.

Why won't they let me be happy?

Oh, I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

I don't--

and I killed puff.

No, you didn't. Puff's not dead.

Sort of, he is and sort of I did it.

What are you talking about?

You come home with me.

I'm gonna fix you right up,

work around the clock till it's done.

And so, good night, adieu,

until we meet again.

Au revoir.

You were wonderful. Was I?

I wasn't a tad stiff?

Don't be silly.

And you...

Were wonderful, too.

I especially liked the way you said, "au revoir."

Come on, you two.

Let's go celebrate.

Ooh, that's nice. My name's puff.

And now, the tango.

I thought it went splendid today.

You two make an excellent team.

Ha ha ha. Fantastique.

To be taken from the depths of depravity and ignorance

and raised to the heights of culture and refinement--

this is the priceless gift

bestowed on me by Dr. Nathan bronfman.

Done.

Aah! Aah!

Lila: Whoo!

Gabrielle: So, we have 17 new bookings,

my wonderful man.

Nathan: Terrific.

We're all going to be rich and famous.

Thanks to you, Nate.

Thanks to you, buddy,

and your diligence and your intelligence

and perseverance,

and, of course, to you, my sweet, for your--

for your moral support.

Hear, hear.

Excuse me.

Are you Dr. Bronfman?

Yes.

Is that a little boy?

Oh, no, puff, this is a dwarf.

I guess they prefer to be called "little people,"

isn't that correct, my good man?

In actuality, I'd prefer to be called Dr. Edelstein.

Ah, yes.

Um, well, Dr. Edelstein

is a fully grown adult, puff, believe it or not,

who, due to a genetic anomaly--

achondroplasia.

Due to achondroplasia,

is actually a miniature human being.

Interesting.

Now, Dr. Edelstein,

what is it we can do for you?

For starters, you can find your way

into that ludicrous lucite case.

Not you. Not you.

Look, what is this about?

We have no money on the premises.

Please, if you're from some little person--

or rather, achondroplasiac terrorist group,

I want you to know I fully support your cau--

I'm beginning to tire of you, Dr. Bronfman.

Lila?

Surprised, dear heart?

This is Lila?

Yes, this is Lila... Cunt.

American, and proud of it.

The hair's gone, Nathan, all taken care of,

and I have muscles now,

and I get looks every day in the street.

You're beautiful.

Do you want to touch me, Nathan, or what?

Yes.

Poor baby.

Thank you, frank. You're the best.

Anything and everything for you, my dear.

Frank and I both know what it is to be shunned

because of our appearance.

The attempt to force human beings

to despise themselves is what I call hell.

André malraux. Amen.

Sorry. Parking's a bitch at this place.

There's an overflow lot across the street.

Yeah, I found it.

Just over on tilton. You can't miss it.

Right next to the v.A. Hospital.

Nathan: And we'd be happy to validate your stub.

Tie him up.

With pleasure.

Louise: All right, Fifi, give me the hands.

Du temps que la nature en sa verve puissante?

Conçevait chaque jour des enfants monstrueux.

J'eusse aime vivre auprès d'une jeûne géante.

Comme aux pieds d'une reine UN chat voluptueux?

Oui?

Stay.

Bad.

Get up.

Stop.

Take off your clothes.

Come on.

Off.

Lila: We're going back to nature, you and I.

I'm going to retrain you.

I'm going to make you free again.

But I like being human now.

Aah!

I want to be the way I was before?

Good.

And I'm gonna show you how.

And so began my re-education, gentlemen.

Lila taught me so much.

She was a stern but fair teacher,

and over time, I began to remember

the joy of living in a pure state of being.

But something else happened as well,

something perhaps distinctly human.

Boy, you look so good from this angle.

Shh. Sorry.

Aah!

Oo. Oo.

Woman's voice: You are looking lovely this evening.

Hello, my name is puff.

Do you want to touch me, Nathan, or what?

Huh?

I think something is wrong with Nathan.

I do think something is wrong, Nathan.

You have changed. You are moody.

You lash out.

I feel when you make love to me,

you really make love to someone else.

He hardly looks at me

during our lovemaking sessions.

I'd never stop looking at you if you were my girl.

Mother, will you please tell Wayne

to stop hitting on my girlfriend?

He's a six-year-old boy, Nathan.

He's hitting on her. That's not hitting on her?

Calm down. No one's hitting on anyone.

Maybe you could learn something from your brother

about how to treat a woman.

Do you no longer love me or what?

Tell me now!

Just as I suspected.

Get down from the tree.

Oh, please.

Is that as articulate as you can be?

After all the time I spent teaching you.

We've discussed wittgenstein, for god's sake.

Not that you ever had anything enlightening

to say on the subject.

Oh, don't worry, Lila. I'm only here for puff.

I have Gabrielle now.

She's a wonderful girl,

not some sweaty, dirty,

lusty...girl.

Can I touch you, Lila?

Just smell you,

how you smell now--

all dirty and powerful.

Please teach me how to be an ape, too.

I'll study real hard.

See, i-- I've been practicing.

I'm not really good at it yet,

but watch.

I'm trying.

Put the gun down.

Please, let's be reasonable human beings here.

Look, you and Lila stay and have your natural life.

I'll go. You'll never see me again.

I'm not a...Ape.

Can I talk? I have to talk.

Hello, Nathan.

Nice to see you.

Allow me to explain my position.

Before you found me, I was a simple, complete being

in Harmony with my world.

After you, I became duplicitous, anal,

totally out of touch with my surroundings.

In a word, Nathan, I...Became you.

Lila has reintroduced me to myself.

Hello, Lila.

I love and honor you.

I think you should put the gun down.

Please!

Don't interrupt me.

How very rude...Of you.

Wo--wo--woh--woh--

words. Words, words, words.

Words are evil.

Are they not evil, these words we use?

Hmm? Does anyone know the definition

of "simultanagnosia"?

I was intending to look it up before Lila saved me.

It's the inability to perceive elements

as components of a whole.

Thank you! Thank you! My pleasure.

Don't mention it. Good to see you again.

Stop!

Okay, now I'm confused.

Nothing's right. I need to make sense.

I need--need-- need to make...Sense!

I need--i need-- I need--

I need to make sense.

Puff. I need to make--

you're agitated.

I talk! I! I talk!

Not you! I!

I talk!

♪ I sing ♪

I dance.

All right.

I kill you, hmm?

No. Yes.

No. Yes.

And then...

I shot Nathan.

Then Lila shot Nathan.

Then puff shot me.

Then I died.

That's all I know.

That's the end of my story.

Do I go to heaven now?

Or is it hell?

Or what?

I just stay here?

I--i just stay here and tell it again?

Puff.

What happened to you was as much my fault as Nathan's.

I'm gonna turn myself in for the murder.

I won't let you do that.

Stay here in the woods.

This is a sacrifice I need to make.

Then I'll live for both of US.

I'll be the most free, truest animal

in the whole forest.

That's what I'm counting on.

But first go back and testify before congress

about...the waywardness of humankind.

Okay.

If you think it'll help.

And so, gentlemen, that is my story.

I agreed to testify before this committee

because I hoped to convey to the American public

that there is indeed a paradise lost.

Human beings have become so enamored

of their intellectual prowess

that they've forgotten to look to the earth

as a teacher.

This is hubris, my friends.

And my story of destruction and betrayal is proof of that.

I will keep my promise to Lila.

I will shed this suit

and return to the wilderness.

I will live out my days naked and free.

Thank you, sir, and god bless you.

Your story has deeply touched US all.

We will pass some legislation addressing this problem.

Puff: Thank you.

That is all I ask.

Good-bye, Lila.

I take you with me in my untamed heart.

Oo. Uhh.

Man: I have to say the crowd is just eating it up.

I think maybe he has touched US all

with his message of respect for the natural world,

and perhaps we've all grown a little bit today.

He's just turned west onto bourne and--

Rrah!

Ha ha ha.

Wait!

Wait!

Yes?

I saw you on c-span...

And I've been looking for you for 30 years,

and there you were--

such a beautiful, beautiful grown man.

Mother?

Yes...derek.

It's a pleasure to meet you, mother,

but I'm an ape like dad was,

and I have to go back into the woods now...

Forever.

Oh, i--i suppose so.

I--i--i suppose that's what I thought you were gonna say.

Yes.

It's good to see you again, though.

I'm in the book

if you want to, you know, drop me a line or something.

I'm an ape, mom.

I'm an ape,

and apes don't drop lines.

Hello, my little boy.

Hey, ma. Did you bring any clothes?

I'm freezing my ass off.

Oui. Nathan's suit.

Sweet.

You know, I've wanted you forever.

Say my name.

Gabrielle.

Ohh.

You remind me so much of Nathan.

Like father, like son.

Plus, so much of my little mongrel doggy.

Arf. Ooh.

Let's go eat. I'm starving.

French?

Oui.

Lila: ♪ as I lie ♪

♪ here ♪

♪ now ♪

♪ all alone ♪

♪ eyes closed ♪

♪ gone now ♪

♪ I feel the breeze ♪

♪ because you are with me ♪

♪ I see the trees ♪

♪ the leaves rippling in the sun ♪

♪ long as you're here with me ♪

♪ we walk along ♪

♪ through fields of rue and Heather ♪

♪ we'll sing our song ♪

♪ of love and eternity ♪

♪ I will not look away ♪

♪ you are me ♪

♪ so I'm free ♪

♪ unshackled, unchained, understood ♪

♪ I am you ♪

♪ I'm not blue ♪

♪ I'm back again with you in the woods ♪

♪ run far away ♪

♪ no, you don't have to stay because wherever ♪

♪ you go ♪

♪ is here ♪

♪ I will be with you ♪

♪ forever ♪

♪ because you let me in your heart ♪

♪ and I am ♪

♪ here ♪

♪ now ♪

Woman's voice: When some things are known,

of which the one inheres in the other

or is locally distant from the other,

or is related in some way to the other,

the mind straightaway knows,

by virtue of that simple apprehension of those things,

whether the thing inheres or does not inhere...

Whether it is distant or not,

and so, with other contingent truths,

and in general, every simple apprehension of a term

or of terms--that is, of a thing or things--

by means of which some contingent truths,

especially concerning the present,

can now be known.

In establishing axioms by this kind of induction,

we must also examine

and try whether the axiom so established

be framed the measure of those particulars

only for which it is derived

or whether it be larger and wider.

And if it be larger and wider,

we must observe whether,

by indicating to US new particulars,

it concerns wideness and largeness

as by a collateral security,

that we may not either stick fast

in things already known

or loosely grasp at shadows and abstract forms.

That we may not either stick fast

in things already known,

or loosely grasp at shadows and abstract forms

and not at things solid and realized in matter.