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Incredible.

Last night he dreamed about making eggs.

And now he's making eggs.

I hang out with Jay in his dreams sometimes.

And I flew to Geneva last week.

We all have our powers.

Oh, gosh. Didn't see you there, Hetty.

Sorry.

Jay, guess what.

Somebody wants to rent out the ballroom, and this time

it's not people who want to shoot a porno.

I still think you should have let that play out.

The script was good.

That's incredible. Who wants to rent it out?

The Hudson Valley Players.

They're the premier community theater organization

in all of Ulster County.

Recently nominated for a Toby.

- You mean a Tony? - Oh, similar,

but these are just for the Hudson Valley,

and the winners are chosen by a guy named Toby.

Sounds prestigious.

Anyway, they needed a venue for their fall musical,

and all of the good ones were taken, so they chose us.

They're doing Cole Porter's Anything Goes.

Oh, I knew Cole.

Had a big thing for me. Practically obsessed.

Wasn't he, like, famously gay?

You couldn't just let me have that, Trev?

Wait, Sam, wasn't Anything Goes the musical

you were almost in in high school?

Some people say listening is my real ghost power.

I was tech crew. Should have been the lead,

but, you know, politics.

Oh, yeah, you got robbed, babe.

Okay, that felt obligatory.

And I heard the lighting

was the best part of the show that year.

Ugh. So patronizing.

This is getting sad.

Is that your contractor?

Yeah. He's one of the Hudson Valley Players.

People are still buzzing

about his performance in Rent last year.

There's Toby talk.

Oh, this takes me back.

I miss being around show business.

Or, you know, whatever this is.

Hey, Mark. Looking good. Uh, listen, when you're done,

I think there's an issue with the walk-in freezer.

Jay, if I could just stop you. When I'm in this space,

I'm not your contractor. I'm an artist.

Yeah. For sure. It's just that the restaurant

opens in a few weeks...

Shh.

This is a sacred space.

Okay.

Are you guys seeing that talent?

Wouldn't mind if a stage light fell on her, am I right?

Who is she?

Oh, yeah. In the cult, she would have been

a top five wife for Bruce, for sure.

Which means she would have gotten carrots with dinner.

Carrots should be for everybody.

Oh, Pete.

Bruce warned us about people like you.

Wow. This is a pretty nice spread.

You think this is impressive?

This is nothing compared to what we had

on the set of L&O.

Law and Order.

You were on Law and Order?

Not in the final cut, but...

yeah, I was there.

They called it craft services.

And it offered every culinary creation under the sun.

Hot foods,

cold foods,

gum.

Oh, uh, this is my husband Jay.

Jay, this is Scott Morgan.

Two-time Toby-nominated director.

And assistant sales manager at Davenport Chevrolet.

Oh, I'm not really in the market.

That's what everyone says

until they feel the smooth ride of the new Malibu.

I'm so sorry, Scott.

I have something you need to see.

Hamilton used to wear a lot of scarves.

Turns out he was covering up adulterous hickeys.

That man frequented whores.

My friends. Attention, please.

It is with a heavy heart I must inform you

that our beloved leading lady Brenda Hanover

is no longer with us.

She was unable to secure

time off from her job at Lowe's

and is stepping down from her role as Reno Sweeney.

He did not need to deliver that information like that.

That is how you milk a moment.

I could take the part.

Ooh, immediately trying to take advantage

of someone else's misfortune.

I like her.

Thank you, Marisa.

But it will be an open competition.

We shall hold auditions

for the role of Reno Sweeney Monday. Jay.

- Huh? - I need to print a sign-up sheet. Please,

take me to the business center.

I... got a laptop in the kitchen.

Then to the kitchen.

So, tell me, what are you currently driving?

Sam, isn't Reno Sweeney the role you wanted in high school?

You should audition.

Me? No. This isn't some rinky-dink production.

This is the Hudson Valley Players.

They performed at the mall.

Come on, Sam. Do you know what I would give

for just one more minute back in the spotlight?

This is your dream.

How are you just gonna stand there and let it pass you by?

Look, I appreciate the support, but I'm really not interested.

- But, Sam... - I said no.

Okay? Just leave it alone.

I'm just saying, bring that drama to the stage.

Mm.

And now, this year's winner of the James Beard Award

- for Best New Chef, Northeast... - Stop.

Jay Arondeker!

Here you go, Chef.

I just want to thank everyone who believed in me.

And to my mom, Champa... I owe everything to you.

Aw.

Seriously? Walk-off music?

This is my dream.

Right this way, Mr. Arondekar.

Hold up. Isn't that the lady

from the community theater group?

Interesting, Jay.

She just popped into my head.

You can't control a pop. People pop!

Hey, I'm Marisa.

Oh, uh... hi.

Sasappis.

You look good in a tux.

- What is happening? - You heard the music. Walk off, son.

Unless you want me to tell Sam that you didn't thank her.

This is so lame.

Again, my dream.

Your hair is amazing.

Never once used conditioner.

Yeah. 'Cause I died 500 years ago.

- You're funny. - Oh.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Sam, what happened yesterday

with you storming off like that?

I just didn't want to audition.

That's all. I have a lot going on right now.

Yeah, it's true. There was that guest last month.

And there's the weekly sorting of the mail on Wednesdays.

And I'm trying to support you, Sam,

but you have the calendar of a retiree.

You know this role and you're dying to play it.

Hell, you would've played it in high school

if it wasn't for politics.

Well, that's not completely true.

I will be singing the song "I Get A Kick Out of You."

My pants!

- So it wasn't politics. - I mean,

some of the puke splashed on

the student council president.

So that was sort of political.

I once vomited in James Madison's carriage.

In fairness, we were traversing a bumpy road

and I had just had a pheasant pie.

It was humiliating.

After that, I moved to tech crew and...

I've been terrified to get on stage ever since.

Oh, Sam. You can't let one bad performance

get in the way of your dreams.

Girl, I fell into the music pit once at the Red Cat.

Got my head stuck in a tuba.

But was I back on stage the next day?

Damn right I was.

Nursing a concussion and drowning in bathtub gin.

They said I gave one hell of a show,

but I don't really remember.

But what if I audition and things go

just as badly as they did the last time?

You just need confidence.

And confidence is all about feeling prepared.

Let me take you under my wing.

Alberta Haynes knows just how to get you there.

You'd really do that for me?

I mean, I'm pretty busy, but

I think I can make some time.

Okay, what the heck?

Thanks, Alberta. You're a good friend.

Hey. We're gonna have a lot of fun.

W-what time is it?

It's time to get your ass out of bed.

Your training starts now.

But it's 4:00 a.m.

That'll be ten more laps.

- There's gonna be laps? - Hey.

Can you keep it down?

I'm trying to enter your husband's dreams.

- Sorry. - Thank you.

We all have to live here.

Hey, can I ask you guys for advice?

Absolutely. Stay away from the brown acid.

Thank you. But, uh, it's more dating-related.

Okay.

Don't date any members of Fleetwood Mac.

Sass. What's going on?

Who are you dating?

Well, you actually know her.

Remember that hot stretching lady

from the theater troupe, Marisa?

Wait, did a light actually fall on her?

Was there any damage to the punim?

She's not dead. Okay,

this is gonna sound a little nuts,

but we hung out in Jay's dream.

So you're dating someone in another person's subconscious?

I don't think I've even gone there.

Yeah, this is a little unorthodox.

Well, hey, he... the guy's got limited options.

- We're ghosts, we can't even leave the property. - Well...

- Pete, no. - There's only one problem.

So, I went into Jay's dream last night to see her again,

but she wasn't there.

It was just Jay trapped in a walk-in freezer with the '86 Mets.

Oh, well, that makes sense, 'cause he was talking to Mark

about the freezer and then he watched

that baseball documentary before bed. Yes.

You just need to get him to think about Marisa

before he goes to sleep.

Yeah, just tell Sam to ask her husband

to think about that hot, bendy lady right before bed.

I might not use those exact words.

- Probably a good strategy. - Eh.

Sam, this is gonna be the hardest day of your life.

I'm here to break you down

and build you back up again.

And why are they here?

We're bored. And we believe in you and stuff.

So, what exactly does this entail?

I'm gonna train your mind, your body and your soul.

There will be moments when you won't want to go on,

but go on you will.

By the time I'm through with you,

you'll be so prepared, you won't know how to fail.

Get her, Berty.

I mean, let's go, Sam!

Dancers need perfect posture.

Again.

And any actor worth her salt can cry on cue.

Mm... I don't see any tears.

Mm, this might help.

Your mother's dead and your business is a failure!

- Still no tears. - It was a good thought.

Yeah.

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la... ♪

Singing is about endurance and breath control!

Let's expand those lungs!

- Can I have a water? - Of course you can,

- in 80 more laps. - Ugh!

Ooh, gave her a little hope and then snatched it away.

Well done.

How's it going with Alberta, babe?

Well, I cried twice, but not when I was supposed to.

Sam, I need you to get Jay to dream about that Marisa girl

from the community theater group again tonight.

Jay, did you have a dream about that girl Marisa?

You can't control a pop-in, okay?

Damn it, Sass.

Okay, a couple nights ago,

I was hanging out in Jay's dream,

and Marisa popped in.

It was very innocent on Jay's part,

but Marisa and I...

uh, we kind of hit it off.

Aw. Weird, but aw.

The problem is...

and you'll like this...

Jay hasn't dreamed about her since,

but I need him to if I'm gonna hang out with her again.

Larry Bird popped in last week.

Don't have a thing for him.

Okay. So, what's the action item here, Sass?

Okay, I need you to encourage Jay

to think about Marisa before he goes to sleep.

Obviously, that doesn't guarantee an appearance,

but it's worth a shot.

Okay. Jay, before you go to bed tonight,

I want you to think about Marisa,

so Sass can hang out with her again.

We're in weird territory here.

Yeah.

Let's get back to it, Sam!

We got 24 hours till our big audition.

Alberta, I don't know if this is going so well.

Sam, as bad as you're feeling right now,

and as much as you're hurting,

it'll all be worth it when you're up on that stage.

There's nothing in the world like that feeling.

We can get there, Sam,

but I need you to believe in yourself,

- because I believe in you. - Sam,

where are all our plates?

Go, Sam!

Yes, girl!

That's it. You're doing it.

She climbed three stairs.

And she's celebrating like she's Ben Franklin

after he climbed three stairs.

He was portly.

Alberta's been so amazing, Jay.

I actually think I could get this part.

Wouldn't that be incredible?

Huh? Oh, yeah. That'd be awesome, babe.

Okay, I know I asked you to look at Marisa's Instagram,

- but spring break 2018? - It's for Sass.

Why are you all zoomed in?

Well, I-I wanted to avoid

any of her sorority sisters popping in.

For Sass.

Guys, we have a big problem.

I just came from the ballroom,

I saw Marisa warming up.

- Sam's competition for that role. - Ooh-wee!

She got a voice of an angel.

Well, I guess Sam will just have to give it her best.

That's all you can do.

No, it's not all we can do, you peace-loving freak.

We've come too far and we're too close.

I ain't gonna let this part get away.

It's time for Berty to play dirty.

Guess who saw his dream girl last night?

- All right! - Awesome, man. Give us some deets.

Aw, we just hung out and talked.

She's got a lot of fun interests.

- Very into superheroes. - Huh.

- That's unexpected. - Yeah.

And big Star Wars girl, too.

And sneakers. She loves sneakers.

And the New York Knicks.

- Oh, boy. - What?

Is her favorite restaurant Sonic and does she love D&D?

Yes on both counts.

Those are all Jay's interests.

You're not dating Marisa, Sass.

You're dating Jay.

No, no, no.

It does make a lot of sense. I mean, she exists

entirely in Jay's subconscious.

Okay, you guys are just jealous because I found someone.

If anything, I'm jealous that you're dating Jay.

D-did he mention me? I mean, did...

Sorry, did she mention me?

I'm not dating Jay, okay?

Marisa is her own person who has her own cool interests.

How many times did she reference The Shawshank Redemption?

Oh, my God, I'm dating Jay.

Red leather, yellow leather, lavender leather.

Red leather, yellow leather, lavender leather.

What animal makes lavender leather, I wonder?

Hm. Hippopotamus dries to a purplish hue.

We had an ottoman.

Oh, a "hippopottoman." That's fun.

Ten minutes, Samantha. I'll see you in the ballroom.

You have one chance to wow me and one chance only,

because I have Chevrolets to sell.

- You're gonna get that promotion. - I need less from you, Jeff.

Great note.

How you feeling, Sam? Like a star?

I'm ready.

I know my tap routine, my song. I got this.

Awesome. Now, Alberta, when do I walk through Marisa?

What?

Oh, Alberta told me to walk through your competition

so she'd get super high and mess up.

There goes our girl again.

What else did she say? Oh, yeah, don't tell Sam.

- But you said you believed in me. - I do.

It's just a little insurance policy.

Yeah, because you didn't think I could do it on my own.

I can't believe this. I thought you were my friend.

In retrospect,

perhaps not the best idea to entrust Flower

with your secret mission.

Yeah, you really messed up.

Can we talk?

Well, I'm pretty busy setting up snacks for the cast right now.

Though I'm probably not even qualified to do that.

That's not true.

Although I do think the chips should go closer to the dip.

Is this what you wanted to talk about?

No. I owe you an apology.

I went too far. And what I realized is

I wasn't just trying to help you.

I was also doing this for me.

What does that mean?

I miss the limelight, Sam.

When I was alive and I was up there singing?

Well, that's the most alive I've ever felt.

And you getting that part, I think, in some small way,

was gonna make me feel like I was on stage.

And I know I got a little carried away

because...

I just wanted it so bad. For both of us.

But that wasn't the way that I wanted to win the part.

I know, Sam,

and I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight.

And what would make all this even worse

is if my actions prevented you from getting to live your dream.

Oh, there you are.

Scott's looking for you.

We don't make Scott wait.

Sam,

whatever you do, I think you're a star either way.

It's just so pathetic.

I was so desperate to be with someone,

to have a connection, that I got excited

about a figment of Jay's imagination.

You're being too hard on yourself.

This one time, I ate too many shrooms

and dated a saguaro cactus for, like, a week.

He was sweet. Great listener.

It's nice of you guys to try to cheer me up, but

let's face it: I'm alone.

And I'm never gonna meet anyone new.

You may not be able to find someone,

but maybe I can.

Maybe it's time I start to use my power to help others.

For the less fortunate, the housebounds.

Even when he's being nice, it's just so smug.

Sass, I will search far and wide,

and I will find someone who's not bound to a property.

I mean, there's got to be others out there like me,

and I'll bring one back to you.

Like some kind of spectral pimp.

Matchmaker, maybe, is more what I was thinking.

Wait, really, Pete? You'd do that for me?

It would be my honor.

Hey, if you come across any non-housebound

dead Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, could you...

Hey, he's looking for me, man.

I can't put an order in?

I'm just saying, if he sees one.

You don't even know what those are. Selfish.

Last call for Samantha?

Samantha?

- Sorry I'm late, I was... - I don't need excuses.

I need excellence.

Yes!

Give 'em hell, Sam!

Oh, dear. She's gonna blow.

And she stress-ate all those Twizzlers earlier.

It's gonna look like a crime scene in here.

Listen to me, Sam.

Forget about all these people watching.

You're just singing to a friend.

♪ In olden days ♪

♪ A glimpse of stocking ♪

♪ Was looked on as something shocking ♪

♪ But now, God knows ♪

♪ Anything goes ♪

♪ Good authors, too ♪

♪ Who once knew better words, now only use ♪

♪ Four-letter words, writing prose ♪

♪ Anything goes ♪

♪ The world has gone mad today ♪

♪ And good's bad today and black's white today ♪

♪ And day's night today ♪

♪ When most guys today ♪

♪ That women prize today ♪

♪ Are silly gigolos... ♪

That's my wife.

How you doing, bud?

Ah, I'm fine.

Although it's a little weird being here,

in the same room with my ex.

Talking about Marisa or Jay?

I don't know.

♪ And though I'm not a great romancer ♪

♪ I know that you're bound to answer ♪

♪ When I propose ♪

♪ Anything goes... ♪

So, this is Alberta not making it about herself?

Baby steps.

Sam, you really knocked their socks off.

Oh, could you sing it again for us?

Oh, I'd love to, Flower,

but I'm on vocal rest.

We're only halfway through our season.

Of two performances.

Babe, you were incredible.

Sweetie, would you fetch me another hot water with lemon?

I need to soothe my instrument.

Alberta, I fear you've created a monster.

She's insufferable.

I'm so proud.

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