Original subtitles

In-calls creep me out.

- Thanks for letting me come over.

- It won't be cheap.

This one might be an actual confession,

I really messed up.

An in-call is when they come to you,

as opposed to an out-call, where you go to them.

An in-call can mean disaster

if the guy takes his time leaving,

or gets obsessed, and decides to show up randomly,

which is called a get-the-fuck-out call.

- Nice place.

Who's this?

- Look, we could have small talk

where you lie to me about your life,

and I lie to you about who that is in that picture,

or we could go to the bedroom,

where I could pound the shit out of you

like the worthless piece of shit that you are.

Let's do the second one.

- There's the mortgage, sir.

- Thanks.

- You want to talk about it?

About what?

- Clearly you're steamed about something.

- What do you wanna be when you grow up?

- I'm not in the mood to argue about my job,

actually, I'm never in the mood to argue about my job.

- No, it's my job.

I had an especially shitty day of my shitty especially job.

- Sorry.

- And you know what, I'm a grown-ass man,

and I don't know what I want to be.

- Neither do I.

- How far into your thirties

before it stops being about what you're going to be

and just starts being, that's what you are?

Like, when do you give up

and just accept you're not going to be anything else?

I'm a fucking accounts payable specialist,

that's what I am.

For me, the next step, head accounts payable specialist.

And then maybe someday,

if I'm super lucky and the right people die,

vice president of accounts payable.

- It's never too late to change things, Andrew.

- I think you're wrong, I think it's awful too late.

- Always eat shirtless, you eat less that way.

- I hardly count this as eating.

- You know that movie

where the popular girl takes the weird girl,

and gives her a makeover,

and teaches her how to be popular too?

- Are you talking about "Clueless"?

- Hmm, haven't heard of it.

Anyway, they should make a movie like that,

but with gay prostitutes.

- That looks disgusting.

- Good. You'll eat less of it.

- Aren't you gonna ask me what I want?

- I already know what you want.

- Are you sure?

- You want to be pushed around.

That's why you keep coming back, you were born to be abused.

- Yes, sir.

- You love dirty talk. - Yeah.

Tell me how nasty I am.

- Don't you fucking tell me what to do, I'll tell you.

- Yes, sir.

- Take off my pants.

- But I do have one request this time.

- You know what kills me?

The longer I stay at this job,

the less chance I have at ever doing anything else.

It's like the skills I've learned here are useless

in the real world.

- Everyone has accounts that need to be paid.

- I mean, after the apocalypse, when they go around

asking all the survivors what their skills are,

I'll be useless.

- So that's your definition of the real world,

how helpful you'll be

in a post-apocalyptic dystopian future?

- Yes. Everything else is superficial.

- So what skills would make you feel more useful?

- And we're back at the beginning.

What I want to be, I don't know,

just

not this.

- Sorry.

- I gotta get ready for my date.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Yes, sir. Please, sir.

Ah, do it.

- I'll call you whatever I want, bitch.

- No, for real, I need you to do it.

- Look man, I'm sorry, it's just not my thing.

- No, but it's my thing,

and it's why I'm paying you a hell of a lot of money,

so I need you to fuck my brains out, treat me like I'm dirt

and call me a.

- For the first time in my life,

I didn't have a clever comeback.

- Question for you.

- All right.

- If you could have any job, skills don't matter,

don't need connections, what would it be?

- I'm not stupid,

that's the same question slightly rephrased.

I don't need to be tricked

into figuring out what I want to do,

I literally don't know.

- Okay, you're right, that was a stupid question.

How about this, you win the lottery,

you're set for life, but not super rich,

you don't have to work, what do you do with your days?

- I don't know,

hang out, I guess.

- Hang out?

- I don't know.

- What does that even mean? When is one not hanging out?

- I don't know.

See? I'm useless.

This isn't making me feel any better.

- Okay. I'm sorry.

- It's, it's just not my word to say.

- You got that right,

but I'm not asking you to put it in your regular rotation,

I just need it here, and now.

- Why?

What happened to you?

- Don't look at me like that, don't psychoanalyze me,

I do it for the same reason I hire you,

because it is forbidden and it's sexy.

I don't know why it's part of my fantasy, but it is.

- Look man, it's racist.

- You called me a worthless faggot.

- We can call each other that.

- X, a couple of minutes ago you called me a bitch.

- So? - It's sexist.

You'll use a gay slur and a slur against women,

but you won't call me a on my dime.

- It's different.

- So if a person of any other race,

as part of their fantasy,

wanted you to call them a slur about that race,

you would deny them?

- He had me.

Oh god, the number of Nazi fantasies

I've been asked to fulfill.

- Well...

- But because I'm black,

you're going to refuse to give me the same service

you would give to a person of any other race.

- Just to make sure I'm crystal clear,

you are saying that I'd be racist

if I didn't call you the N word?

If I did this,

was I just contributing to his shit?

I wanted to fuck the shit out of him,

not fuck it deeper into him.

- Well,

it's only fit.

- I know what you'd do,

If you won the lottery, I know what you'd do with your days.

- Oh yeah, what's that?

- Oh, you'd fuck around, play video games, get fat.

But that'd only last for a few weeks, months,

because you get bored,

so you'd get out and volunteer, and knowing you,

it'd be for some community organization

for fucking LGBTQIAA Youth of color.

And ironically, you'd end up helping these kids

figure out the one thing you can't figure out for yourself,

what to do with their lives.

- You know,

I hope that's what I would do.

I like that you think that about me.

- Have a fun date.

You gonna be out late?

- Very late. Date number five.

- Wow, five-date rule's back in effect.

- Barely.

I almost let 'em taste it last weekend.

What about you?

- Uh,

working.

- You need to rethink your policy on in-calls

if you wanna maximize your earning potential.

- I told you, I have a roommate.

Yes, I met him.

X's ex, hurray.

Well, book around him. He seems like he gets out.

- Why my place? I just don't see the need.

- Sometimes clients want certain things

that they can't have their neighbors hearing.

Plus, if they book a hotel room

that's just less money you're getting.

- If they don't want their neighbors to hear their shit,

why would I want mine?

- Because you're like me,

you don't give a shit what your neighbors think.

In fact,

you kind of want them to think weird stuff about you.

Oh, yes, ugh, fuck me with your two-headed cock.

- Why do I think you already have someone in mind?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, say it. Say it, sir.

Say it.

- Take it.

- Say it.

Take it, you fucking.

- Say it again. Say it.

Yes I am.

Say it louder.

Ah, yes.

Liberating, isn't it?

Fucking.

I wanted you since day one.

We almost got it on date four.

- What was that? - Oh shit, it's my roommate.

Yes.

- The James Dean tap you once mentioned dating,

but it's over now?

Very over, as you can tell.

We'll just be really quiet

Sir. Yes.

Fucking take it.

Oh, yes.

- Did he just say? - No.

Take it you fucking.

- Your James Dean sounds more like Paula Deen.

- Marcus, I don't know what that's about.

- I'm sorry, I gotta go.

- Why?

- Because if I stay I'll go to jail for beating his ass.

Yes!

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

- Oh God, dude, I came,

don't say that after I got off, man.

No.