Original subtitles

Well, there she is.

There's San Francisco right down there.

Our story doesn't begin in San Francisco,

but it ends right down there,

in the middle of all that wickedness.

Our story begins in Denver,

which we hit a couple of months back.

It's the story of one of the most unusual men

that ever finagled his way on my wagon train,

Dr. Shadrack Bennington.

Step a little closer, folks!

I'd like to introduce the miracle of miracles today!

Right here I have a bottle of a formulated juice

worth a million, but I'm giving it away...

for a measly silver dollar that I'll gladly give you back

if this doesn't do everything I say!

If your nerves are all a-quiver,

if you wake up and you shiver,

here's the only thing to keep you nice and calm.

It's a positive cure for the ills you endure...

Dr. Bennington's Beneficent Balm.

Let me tell you!

If you're bilious or neuralgic

or afflicted with the bends,

dyspepsia or the gout, it cures 'em all!

It's the only thing today absolutely does away

with that pain that you get in your whatcha-ma-call.

And now, here's the biggest feature...

In the presence of your preacher

you can take a swig without the slightest qualm.

While it's good for the aches,

it's got just what it takes,

Dr. Bennington's Beneficent Balm.

MAN: Bravo!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, before we part,

may I tell you the dying words

of that great Rajah of the East, Ali Benali?

He pressed this scrap of paper into my hand,

containing the formula, and he said,

"If I had found the secret before,

I would not be leaving you now."

And now, may I present to you the last living relative

of the great Ali Benali, Princess Fatima.

Princess Fatima will now pass amongst you

with the magic medicinal potion.

May I ask you that you do not buy this magic potion

unless you are in great need.

I'll have a bottle of that Beneficent Balm.

They're, uh, six for $5.

The man said one, lady.

One?! Give me a dozen.

Charlie, where did you get that kind of money?

Bill and me played a little two-handed. Here, Bill.

That's a very great buy, sir.

You will not have this opportunity again.

The supply of Beneficent Balm is so limited

that it cannot be procured

at pharmacists or mail-order houses.

All sold out, Dr. Bennington.

Oh, I have a few more bottles in the back.

I was saving this for Salt Lake City,

but I cannot leave

the dear people of Denver in distress.

It's all right, Caesar, you'll be on next.

Let's get back to camp.

Come on. Don't drop your bottles.

Dr. Bennington's Beneficent Balm, ha ha!

How I ever let you two talk me into stopping

off at that medicine show, I'll never know.

It was a good show.

Oh, good show, my foot.

It was a fake all the way through.

You ought to know that.

Besides, somebody tried to steal my watch!

What's a little old watch, Major? I like the show,

and I liked the Beneficial Balm! Get outta here.

I'm telling you,

somebody had their hand in my watch pocket!

It couldn't have been that doc.

He was up on the stage all the time.

I don't give a goldarn where he was.

I oughta know when somebody's trying to steal my watch.

♪ Dr. Beneficent's Balm! ♪

Old Charlie's sounding a little beneficent.

You don't suppose he had too many someplace?

How could he? We've been with him all the time.

Yeah, I forgot.

Besides, he always cries when he has too many.

You know, Major...

We may never see the doctor again. Balm!

Poor Dr. Bennington.

Hyah!

There were several people

from the Adams train out front tonight.

I've been thinking about us joining them.

Joining them?

They're going west!

Poopsie, you dazzle me.

When you talked me into

getting on this medical sleigh ride,

you said we were going east to get married.

We are, we are.

How can you go east from Kansas City

and end up in Denver?

Well, it ain't easy.

East to get married!

East what, east Shanghai?

Well, if my little princess will stop and think a minute,

she'll realize we have to go west to get east.

We can't cross the plains alone.

We'll catch a ship in San Francisco.

All right. I'll go to San Francisco.

Now my little princess is being

her old sweet, reasonable self again.

On one condition.

We get married in Denver.

Married in Denver?!

Poopsie, we can't get married in Denver.

We'd never live it down.

Well, we're gonna get married in Denver

or I'm gonna stay right here and open my own medicine show!

I want to live like other people.

But I'm not other people. I'm a nomad. I live in a wagon.

You could be married and live in a wagon.

You can't domesticate me. I'm a cavalier of the open road.

Why, if I got married,

it would ruin my whole personality.

Your personality could stand a little upgrading.

Never base a sales pitch on an insult.

Sales pitch?!

Marriage isn't a sales pitch!

Now you're making him nervous.

You know what he does when you raise your voice.

He'll have another one of his headaches.

Headaches. That's just a routine

to get another bottle of Beneficent Balm out of you.

Now you've hurt his feelings.

Boy, has he got you in the palm of his paw.

He was a nice lion before he met you.

Now he's just as big a phony as you are.

The truth hurts, doesn't it?

My little princess is nervous tonight.

I am not your little princess!

I'm through!

Well, if we break up the act, what about Caesar?

Caesar's mine. You know that.

Well, he's getting very fond of me.

He's a man's lion, if you know what I mean.

He'll meet another man.

Never. He's a one-man lion.

You act like he's a human being.

Well, he's more human than most beings.

You old ragbag!

You're my best friend.

Well, your "best friend" and I

will be at the hotel.

Put Caesar in my wagon.

Well, Caesar, I guess this is it.

Get over there, boy.

Here's your purse.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

You're a lovely girl.

It's nothing personal.

Some men get married; some don't.

Takes all kinds, doesn't it?

Good night, Shad... or is it good-bye?

Good-bye.

Good-bye, Fatima.

Major, wake up! Wake up!

What's the matter, Indians? No, but...

Somebody hurt? No, nobody hurt.

Fire? No fire.

Well, then it can wait till morning.

No, there's a gentleman from Denver.

He wants to join the wagon train.

He look all right?

Yeah, looks just fine.

He got a wagon?

Yes, he's got a wagon.

All right, then tell him $40 from Denver to Frisco.

Pull him behind the last wagon,

we roll at daybreak, and good night!

Yes, sir. Good night.

You heard what he said.

You fall in behind the last wagon,

we roll in the morning, and you and the major

can talk over the details tomorrow.

Good night. Good night.

Nice fella.

Hey, he looks kind of familiar, though.

I saw old man Harvey down the line,

he said there's a wild animal

stalking the train.

Oh, you know old man Harvey.

He's seen an Indian behind every bush

since we started west.

What kind of an animal he say it was?

A lion.

Bill, there's no mountain lion...

An African lion.

Well, that figures.

That's old man Harvey, that's all.

Come on.

Whoa!

What took you so long?

Oh, not another one of your headaches!

Well, all right, one more bottle,

but that's all.

Old man Thorndike tells me that

there's some man on the train

making sly proposals to the young ladies.

No, not again!

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Last time old man Thorndike started something like this,

turned out to be Charlie Wooster!

All Charlie was doin' was announcing

the Saturday night square dance.

Next time you see Mr. Thorndike,

you just tell him to keep his mind off the young ladies.

Isn't a man on this whole durn train

that would make sly proposals.

I'll give you $5 for an evening's work.

I want to saw you in half.

Major! Major! Ha!

Look what I found on the last wagon!

Dr. Bennington must've joined the wagon train.

Charlie, did you let a medicine show join the train?

Last night. You remember...

Last night I remember nothing.

You didn't say anything about a medicine show.

In the hammock. I didn't know it was...

You didn't know? You...

I didn't recognize him.

That's all we need... A medicine show.

There you are!

Doctor, I have some problems. Yes, madam?

I'd like to discuss them with you.

Would you like to come up here and talk?

Oh, thank you.

Your problems are my problems, madam.

I, uh...

Well, you see, Doctor, I get these pains

right in the back of my head.

Is it kind of throbbing?

Oh, it is. It is!

You put your finger right on it.

And then sometimes my back begins to pain,

right about here. And I get nervous!

You wouldn't believe how nervous I get. Of course you do.

Oh, Doctor, you don't know how wonderful it is

to find someone at last who understands my problem.

Of course I understand your problem, madam.

Now, I would suggest that you take

one tablespoonful of Beneficent Balm

three times daily.

Before meals or after meals?

Before. How much before?

Eh, about a half hour.

Now, how many bottles of Beneficent Balm would you like?

I'll see you at the wagon.

Now, remember, my supply is limited.

Well, uh, wouldn't want to run short.

Of course not. Eh, shall we say

two bottles weekly?

Oh, I think at least a dozen.

Oh, yes, at least.

Well, maybe two dozen would be safer.

Much safer.

Isn't he wonderful, Major Adams?

Well, he's sure got a great spiel,

I'll say that for him.

He asked me to help him out with the act.

He wants to saw me in half. He what?!

I want you to heat this just as hot as you can stand it.

Soak your feet in it for at least one hour nightly.

I guarantee you,

you will have a brand-new pair of feet.

This is the life, isn't it, pal?

No cage, just a meadow and an open sky.

Here.

Pick up your feet! You're getting lazy.

Is that your lion?

Sure that's my lion.

What's your lion's name?

Caesar Augustus Bennington.

What's yours?

Winfy.

Winfy? Winfy what?

Winfy Robertson.

Major Adams is taking me to San Francisco

to live with my grandpa.

I'm an orphan.

Yeah? I used to be an orphan, too,

when I was your age.

Did you outgrow it?

Yeah. Yeah. You will too.

My grandpa owns half of San Francisco.

Yeah? That's too bad.

Money's a terrible responsibility.

I know it.

Why's his name Caesar?

Because, uh, Caesar was a noble Roman,

and he looks like a noble Roman.

But how can a lion be a noble Roman?

Lions come from Africa,

and Romans come from Rome.

Listen, kid, I'll give you a tip free.

Don't throw your education around.

People won't like it.

I was just asking.

Yeah, I know, but it was a loaded question.

I never knew a lion before.

Would he eat me?

Well, not unless you eat him.

You think that's funny, huh?

He's too big to eat.

Would he let me pet him?

He might, when he gets to know you.

Must be nice to have him for a friend.

I think he wants you to throw him the ball.

Scat!

Charlie! Bill! There's a lion on the loose!

Take cover, everybody!

Bill!

Charlie! Bill!

There's a lion on the loose!

Take cover, everybody!

Bill, Charlie, I got him right here!

I must ask you not to yell in front of my lion.

What do you mean, bringing that wild animal on this train?

He won't hurt you, Major Adams.

It's all right, Caesar. The major won't hurt you.

I-I won't?!

Please! He can't stand yelling.

It gives him a headache.

What are you doing with this wild animal?

His name is Caesar. He's a noble Roman.

Winfy, you go take your nap. I had my nap.

Well, go take another one. I wanna talk to this fella.

All right. Bye, Caesar.

Now, go on. Get outta here.

Now, why didn't you tell me last night you had a wild animal with you?

He is not a wild animal. He's a domestic pet.

Pet! No wonder my horses

were going half-crazy all day.

I can't be hauling an African lion!

Let's move away from the cage.

You're making him nervous.

I'm making him nervous? What about me?

How would you like to wake up

out of a sound sleep and find that animal

staring you in the face with his mouth open?!

And how would you like to be happily playing

and look up and see you with your mouth open?!

You've just gotta get rid of him.

That's all there is to it. How?

I don't know how! Take him back to Denver.

I don't know where Denver is from here.

Just what in blazes do you think I'm going to do with you?

You've got me out here in the middle of nowhere.

It's up to you to keep your part of the bargain.

All right, but let me tell you something, fella.

You keep your outfit clear to the end

of this train, is that clear?

And you keep that lion locked up!

The next time I see him loose,

I'm gonna shoot him!

I'm not taking any chances on losing people or stock.

And where in tarnation are you gonna get the meat to feed him?

Caesar doesn't eat meat. He's a vegetarian.

Vegetarian?! Lions don't eat vegetables.

Caesar does.

He's been raised on vegetables since he was a baby.

He can't stand the sight of raw meat.

Ridiculous. Whoever heard of such a lion?

Caesar doesn't even know he's a lion!

He's never seen one.

I honestly believe he thinks he's people, like us.

I don't give a good continental what he thinks he is.

You keep him locked up!

And another thing, Doctor...

You stay away from the young women on this train.

They're nice young ladies,

and I'm not gonna have you sawing them in half!

MAN: Mr. Bennington,

I understand you want to saw my daughter in half.

Well, I...

I knew there was gonna be trouble about this.

My little girl's led a sheltered life.

She's not used to the ways of the world.

What my father's trying to say

is that we've decided to let you saw me in half...

if it doesn't hurt.

Well, isn't that nice.

You're gonna let her do this?!

Mm, well, uh...

Jenny's a lot like her mother,

hard to handle.

When she wants something, she usually gets it.

You're outta your...

You just remember what I told you about that lion.

Does it hurt?

Do you think I'd hurt you?

Your lion looks so sad.

Well, he's had a hard day.

Oh, poor lion.

Poor, big, powerful, wonderful lion.

Oh, he's the most wonderful lion in the whole world!

Um, how do you saw me in half?

Well, first I introduce you.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present my assistant,

the finest flower of the Western hemisphere.

You may search the wide world from shore to shore,

you may devote your whole life to the search...

You will not find her equal,

her eyes like the first fresh violets of April,

her skin as fresh and fair as the morning,

her lips of fire and dew ready to be awakened...

Ah, spring, love, youth... Jenny.

Jennifer.

Princess Jennifer.

And now you make your entrance.

Your eyes on mine,

you come closer and closer, my dear. Closer.

And then?

And then you lie down, your eyes still on mine.

I follow you, I bend over,

I look at your fresh beauty for one breathless moment,

and then... Yes?

I saw you in half.

Ah, Princess, you'll be magnificent.

Ladies and gentlemen, Princess Jennifer!

This is to spare you the blood and gore.

AUDIENCE: Oh!

Thank you.

Wanna buy some Beneficent Balm, Major?

Oh, Winfy, not me.

Maybe you'd better see Wooster, eh?

All sold out, Dr. Bennington.

Do not despair. We have a few more bottles in the back.

They were reserved for San Francisco,

but they shall be yours.

Mr. Bennington?

Oh! Here you are, $5.

Oh, I've had so much fun

I don't think I should take the money.

You must. This is a business transaction.

I didn't know anything could be so exciting,

all the lights and the music and everything so shiny.

And you and I in a circle of magic.

It is magic.

Not everyone who steps on a stage is struck by it,

but when they are, it's almost as if

Aladdin had rubbed his magic lamp.

Everything else seems so commonplace and so dull.

I'd like to spend my whole life

in a wagon like this.

I'd like to feel every night the way I feel now.

I think I'd better take you back to your wagon.

Oh, no... I've just discovered the world.

I want to talk about it.

Your father will be looking for you,

and you have the most enormous father.

Mr. Bennington...

do you believe in love at first sight?

Miss Jenny, on a night like this,

it's possible to believe in

all manner of nonsense.

Have you ever considered marriage?

I always try to avoid it whenever possible.

But surely you must always need a princess.

Well, I'm always able to hire one.

Wouldn't it be more convenient

if you had one in the family?

A permanent princess.

It's getting rather cool out.

I think I'd better walk you back to your wagon.

You know, the trouble with you is...

you're shy.

Young lady, you're going home.

I'm beginning to feel like this is home.

Come on.

And furthermore, my dear child,

let me tell you about myself.

I am a knight of the open road,

a carefree cavalier.

I roam from town to town,

and you might as well know it right now,

from princess to princess.

That's because you've never met the right princess.

Every princess is the right princess,

and I want each of my princesses

to remain just as you are,

young and lovely and free.

And I want each of my princesses

to leave me just as I am,

a bachelor.

Good night.

Hi, Winfy. Shouldn't you be in bed?

I suppose so. You kissed Jenny.

Well, now, it's not nice to peek and tell.

How come you kissed her?

Just happened.

Hi, pal!

What's this now, Caesar?

He's mad.

Caesar, you're too big a boy to act like that.

You kissed her right in front of his cage.

It was just a friendly little kiss.

Didn't mean anything.

Now, listen to me. I'll kiss anybody I please.

I don't have to listen to you.

Don't you turn your back on me when I'm talking to you.

Caesar, do you hear me? Don't you turn your back!

Caesar, now this behavior is childish and foolish.

Now, I want to tell you something.

Well, I'm not going to dignify that remark with an answer.

I know what's wrong with you.

You haven't had your Beneficent Balm for tonight.

Well, now, that does it. That really does it.

Winfy, you gotta keep your eye on lions and women.

They both wanna own you.

Yeah.

There was no denying as we rolled up

the miles between Denver and San Francisco

that the whole train was succumbing to the charm

of Shadrack and Caesar Augustus Bennington.

I never did know why people didn't see through him.

Maybe they didn't want to.

People refused to be warned about his medicine,

and they refused to be warned about him.

Jenny had made up her mind about Shad Bennington

the first time she laid eyes on him,

and so had Winfy Robertson.

They each saw what they wanted to see.

Jenny saw a husband, Winfy a father.

Lions.

Bennington.

Bennington's Balm.

Lions.

Look out, they're loose.

They're loose!

Look out, they're coming at you!

Move, will ya?

Goldarn that lion.

Keep everybody in camp awake all night.

Charlie. Charlie, wake up, will ya?

I didn't... I didn't do it, Major!

Honest, I didn't do it!

Oh, come on.

What do you suppose is wrong with Caesar, Major?

Sounds like he's been eating some of Charlie's cooking.

Mr. Bennington, what in tarnation is wrong

with that animal of yours?

Well, I don't know. He never acted like this before.

I can't find anything wrong.

Well, something's wrong with him!

What's the matter, boy? What's troubling you?

Sounds like he's got a bellyache.

Suppose somebody tried to poison him?

Nobody would but the major.

I wouldn't try to poison a rat!

You oughta know that.

Hey, looky there, the way he's working his mouth.

Does that mean anything to you, Bennington?

Afraid not.

Tell me something, just how could it be

that a man like you would take on an animal like this

without knowing one single solitary thing about him?

He's never been sick before.

Well, he's sick now.

He isn't gonna die, is he?

Sure sounds like he is.

Oh, of course he's not gonna die.

I never saw an animal die from a toothache, did you?

Toothache?

Do lions have toothaches?

Why not? He's got teeth, ain't he?

What are you gonna do about it?

Get those long-handled tongs out of the horseshoeing kit.

Yes, sir!

What's the matter, fella, huh?

There. Now, steady here.

I'm sure glad he's a vegetarian.

That's it, boy.

That's the tooth right there, see it?

You sure that's the right one?

See how inflamed it is around there?

That's what's causing the fever.

That tooth's gotta come out.

Maybe he's not gonna feel the same way about it.

Charlie's got a point there.

This might end up hurting you more than it does him.

Bill, this cat's in pain.

Somebody's gotta do something for him.

Give me them things. Now, come over here and get a hold of him.

You're not gonna use those pliers?!

Well, I'm not gonna use a hatchet.

Now, here. Hang onto him.

Now. Hold it, boy.

If I get a toothache, I'm not gonna tell you about it.

Hold it.

Down, boy.

I got it. I got it.

Ah!

Look at that thing!

You know, maybe I was a little harsh on that fella.

Anybody that loves a cat that much,

by golly, they can't be all bad.

Major, I got something right here

that'll bring him around, you know it?

Well, give it to him!

You know, he looks like he's feeling a little better.

How 'bout it, boy? Feel better, huh?

That's better, yes! See, what'd I tell you?

Major, I can't thank you enough for what you did tonight.

Yeah, sure. Better, isn't it?

Aw, that's all right. Don't you mention it.

Yes, it's all right. It's all right.

Fine, yes. Good boy, yeah, fine.

Go back to sleep now.

That's a good boy.

MAJOR ADAMS: Shadrack Bennington had a way about him,

there was no denying that,

and he wasn't what you could call a stingy man.

He went right on giving his shows

even after he'd run out of medicine.

And I had to admit, his performances

did a lot to brighten the weary miles.

By the time we broke up the train in Sacramento,

Shad was the most popular man with us,

and Caesar? Ha! He was a social lion.

Only 14 wagons went on to San Francisco.

Most everyone seemed happy

and looking forward to the end of the journey,

but Shad got more and more quiet

and thoughtful the last few days,

and so did Jenny,

and so did little Winfy.

And then at last one sunset,

we were looking down on the Golden Gate

and we made camp for the last time.

The long trip was over.

I brought your costume back.

Why, thank you, Jenny.

I'd like to let you keep it.

I know you'll need it.

It's sad that I haven't any use for it.

I'll never be a princess again.

Jenny, I'd like you to know that you're

the nicest princess I ever sawed in half.

Oh, Shad, couldn't I please come with you?

I wouldn't take up much room.

I could take care of you and work for you,

and I wouldn't ask for anything except...

just to be near you.

Well, I have to speak to Major Adams.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Shad, could I go with you?

Oh, you don't want to connect up

with a medicine show, Winfy.

Why, the world's your oyster.

I don't like oysters.

Well, your grandpa

will show you a wonderful time.

He hasn't got a lion.

Well, he can buy a lion.

I don't want just any lion.

I want Caesar, and I wanna be near you.

Look, I'll... I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Major.

Oh, hello, Shad.

Sit down and have a cup of coffee.

Thank you.

Yes, uh...

coffee's a little better tonight.

I don't know what happened to Wooster.

This is better coffee than he usually makes...

You can drink it!

Well, here's to the end of another trail.

What are you gonna do now?

Oh, we'll probably spend

a week or two tearing San Francisco apart,

and then another week or two putting it back together,

and then I guess we'll head back to St. Joe.

You really enjoy this life, don't you?

Oh, nothing in the world like it,

that trail leading west and a new challenge every mile of it.

Ever been married, Major?

No, no.

I, uh, I thought about it a time or two,

but... just didn't work out.

I don't know how a man can ask a woman

to share a life like this.

Yeah, that's the way I feel.

A woman needs a house and a garden,

curtains and closets.

A wandering man's a wandering man.

He don't need those things.

You know, Shad,

even a wandering man,

he can get lonely once in a while.

Major, I'll be leaving before dawn.

I wonder if you'd do me a favor.

Sure.

Would you tell Jenny

that I am a wandering man.

I wouldn't make much of a husband.

Would you tell her that I am a quack and a fraud?

Shad, I think she knows that.

She doesn't care.

No, she doesn't know.

Would you do something else for me?

Mm-hmm.

Would you tell Winfy

that I wouldn't make much of a father?

I wouldn't even know how to begin.

You don't have to tell him I'm a fraud.

Won't make a goldarn bit of difference

what I tell that boy.

Well.

Good-bye, Major.

Thanks for letting me work your train.

Oh, it's a pleasure to have had you aboard...

Doctor.

Good luck to you.

Shad, wait!

Shad!

Hyah!

How do you find a little boy

in a city as big as San Francisco,

seven years old, three and a half feet high?

We went up one street and down another.

We went down to the bay.

We went back up Market Street again.

Nobody had seen a lost little boy.

It never occurred to me to call in the experts,

but fortunately the experts came to the rescue anyway.

He's been out in the cold and the damp

on the streets all night.

How are you, sonny?

I don't feel good, Major Adams.

Oh, will fix that up all right. You just go with Wooster.

I'll put him to bed, Major.

Why did you run off barefooted and in your nightshirt?

We picked him up about an hour ago.

He says his name is Winfy Bennington,

and he's looking for his father,

Shadrack Bennington.

Well, his name happens to be Winfy Robertson.

He's the grandson of Hundley Robertson.

Ho ho ho! Hundley Robertson. Well, now!

I brought him all the way from St. Joe.

Well done. Well done, sir.

I'm Major Adams. Nice to know you.

Do you happen to know where the Robertsons live?

Aye, that I do.

Would you stop by Mr. Robertson's house

and tell him I've got the boy down here

and ask him to bring a doctor?

I'll certainly do that, sir,

tend to it right away.

He's a very sick little boy, Mr. Robertson.

The first thing to do is to get him home

and put him in a proper bed.

WINFY: I wanna stay here. I don't wanna go away.

Winfy..

There's no place to stay here.

The wagon train's all disbanded.

No more wagons.

I have to wait for Shad.

Shad's gone.

He'll be back. He said. Tomorrow.

No, he won't be back.

He won't?

No, he asked me to say good-bye for him.

He'll come back and visit you, Winfy.

Shad'll come back, don't you worry.

Who is Shad?

He's a friend. He's a...

He's a very special friend of your grandson.

Here we go. Here we go.

There you are, Mr. Robertson.

Thank you, Major.

You're welcome, I'm sure.

Thank you, Doctor. Thank you, Major.

So long, Winfy.

How's Winfy?

Oh, he's a pretty sick little kid, Jenny.

Oh, uh, Jenny, I got a message for you from Shad.

It was good-bye, wasn't it?

Well, he said a lot of other things, too.

He had quite a few words mixed up in it,

but, uh... well, yes, it was good-bye.

It's funny how old you can grow overnight, isn't it?

Yesterday I really seemed... quite young.

You'll find somebody else, Jenny.

What a day, what a day, what a day.

What... give me that!

What did I do?

Nothing!

I knew goldurn well I shouldn't let

that fool doctor and his fake lion

on this train.

What'd he do?

Nothing, absolutely nothing!

That's what the trouble is.

Now, go and get packed.

He's sinking.

There's no point in keeping it from you.

He's not responding to medication at all.

What am I to do, Major? What am I to do?

Haven't you been able to locate Bennington?

No, we've looked all over for him.

Just seems like he's disappeared, that's all.

Well, I've done everything I know how.

Well, if you can't do anything to help him,

what do you think Shad could do, even if we found him?

Maybe if he was here, this little boy would want to live.

Then I'll find him.

I knew you'd come back for me.

Sure you did.

Can we go now?

When you get well.

You won't go off without me again?

No, I won't go off without you,

but you gotta get well quick.

I will. Give me some Beneficent Balm.

Oh, you got much better things to take than that.

Please, Shad.

It cures everything.

You don't understand.

May I speak to you a minute, Dr. Bennington?

You do as the boy asks.

Well, I can't give him my medicine.

You don't understand.

I'm not a doctor; I'm a quack.

I'm a medicine man.

Is there anything in your medicine that would harm the boy?

Well, no, but there's nothing that'll help him.

He thinks there is.

I've seen faith perform miracles before.

I can't give Winfy that junk.

Dr. Bennington, we have nothing to lose

and everything to gain.

Now I'll get well.

You won't go away?

No, no, I won't go away.

And you'll take me with you?

As soon as you get well.

Skin feels cooler. His breathing is regular.

I think he's going to make it.

Well, what do you know.

Bennington's Balm is good?

Thank you, Dr. Bennington. You saved my grandson's life.

Be good to him. He's a nice little boy.

Hey, hey. Hold up there, Shad.

Where do you think you're going?

You don't need me now.

Oh? Major Adams and I have been talking.

Dr. Bennington.

I'm an old man.

Winfy's father and mother died

when he was just a baby.

He's been living with his mother's folks.

He's been surrounded by old people all his life.

He needs a young father.

There's no room for children in my life.

They have to go to school.

Oh, I expect you to see that he goes to school.

There's laws about that.

But I travel around.

Well, that's all right.

When you have to leave town,

Winfy can come and stay with me,

but his home will be with you.

I haven't got a home.

I live in a wagon with a lion

that, uh, thinks he owns me.

How marvelous.

No wonder Winfy wants to live with you.

Take him with you.

I'll make it worth your while.

You can't buy me.

I'm not trying to buy you.

I'm trying to buy a childhood for Winfy.

But I'm a medicine man.

You don't know the kind of life I lead!

Dr. Bennington, my father was

Dr. Elwood Spence Robertson.

Does that name mean anything at all to you?

Elwood Spence's...

Spence's Lotion of Life?

That's right.

I was fortunate enough to live in a wagon

for a few years when I was a boy.

Your father was supposed to be one of the best.

My father was the best.

Why, he started a whole patent medicine business

out of Lotion of Life,

and do you know what that lotion was?

Water with a little sugar added for flavor,

and a little alcohol to give it bite.

So your old man was a quack himself.

Well, he was stealing money from people.

Was he? Think about it a minute.

The lotion cost a dollar a bottle,

and for that dollar,

his customers saw a good show.

Maybe his medicine didn't cure them.

He never claimed it did.

He just said it was good for what ailed them.

It would make them feel better.

And usually it did.

So you see, my boy, I do understand you.

You don't understand me.

I don't like to be tied down.

I don't like responsibilities.

Shad, are you the kind of a man that would...

That would lie to a little boy

that was practically lying on his deathbed?

That was yesterday. This is another day.

Yeah, I know, but next time he goes chasing after you,

he might get sick and then maybe I won't be able to find you.

Then what?

Major, he's a baby. He needs a woman.

I'm a nomad, a gypsy, a bachelor.

Oh, say, I'm glad you mentioned that, my boy.

Excuse me, Mr. Robertson, I want to talk to you.

Well, I don't want to talk to you about it.

You just listen here.

♪ From the time that I was just so high ♪

♪ I led a carefree life ♪

♪ As I traveled round from town to town ♪

♪ Alone, without a wife ♪

♪ Used to raise my head from off my bed ♪

♪ Hitch up my horse and go ♪

♪ Didn't matter where, 'cause who was there ♪

♪ To tell me yes or no ♪

♪ Shadrack Bennington ♪

♪ This can't be you ♪

♪ Good or bad, one thing, Shad ♪

♪ Your roaming days are through ♪

♪ Used to watch the birds, the lazy herds ♪

♪ That grazed around the plain ♪

♪ And I vowed I'd stay the same as they ♪

♪ But it was all in vain ♪

♪ 'Cause unlike a cow, a gal knows how ♪

♪ To buckle down her mate ♪

♪ By the time she's done you wanna run ♪

♪ But, brother, you're too late ♪

♪ Oh, Shadrack Bennington ♪

♪ This can't be you ♪

♪ Good or bad, one thing, Shad ♪

♪ Your roaming days are through ♪

And now, ladies and gentlemen, this fine lad

who stands before you is a marvelous example

of the wondrous curative powers

of Dr. Bennington's Beneficent Balm.

Well, here comes the pitch.

Let's get out of here before Charlie stocks up again.

You broke my last bottle.

You've had your cure for this year.

Now, go on and get the horses.

This magic potion unless you are in great need.

And so, will you pass on this magic medicinal potion

to the world in the name of Allah,

and that is why we can pass it on to you

at the nominal cost of $1

to cover packaging and importation...

MAJOR ADAMS: It had been good to start off,

and it was good to wind up.

We'd been over 200 wagons when we'd left St. Joe,

and we'd sloughed through prairie mud,

fought Indians, wild animals, hunger, thirst,

and, now and then regrettably, ourselves.

We had set our sinew and our wheels

against storm and flood,

the Rockies, the desert, the Sierras,

and would we do it again?

You bet your boots we would.

Just a little rest,

and we'd all be right back where we started.

I'd be blistering Charlie and Bill and Flint,

blistering the greenhorns,

calling out to the straggling wagons

the words that have become, somehow, the pivot of my life,

"Wagons ho!"