Original subtitles

Johnson?

That's Gerald Bancroft, Treasury, I'll handle this.

Morning, Sir Gerald. - Good morning.

I'm Gifford, security. Can I see your pass, sir?

Oh yes. - Sorry, but I have to check everyone.

Here you are. - Alright.

Yes, thank you. The testing area is two miles further on.

I'll escort you to the gate, sir. - Right, fine.

Where's the Rolls? - He was in front of you, sir.

Steed?

Here, Gifford.

How very extraordinary! - You found something?

Watch it.

Nest of the lesser throated warbler.

That's usually found in the higher branches of an oak tree.

That is quite a find.

But no sign of Sir Gerald or the Rolls.

He was at the wheel, you say? - Yes, and I was right behind him.

He wasn't out of my sight for more than two seconds.

And he couldn't have passed your chaps up front. - No tire marks, nothing.

Well, well, well.

Well, there's a coincidence.

The one we're after is a bit bigger than that.

A full-size Rolls can't just vanish into thin air.

But it did.

Now, if Sir Gerald was in the driving seat...

he can't be far away.

Gifford?

Who's that?

That's Dr. Chivers. Works in the testing area.

Runs the Metal Fatigue Division.

Didn't know he collected butterflies!

Steed! Steed!

Steed!

Help! Help!

Well, he seems to have found something even if we haven't.

Lucky fellow!

Steed! Steed! Let me out! Help!

Help! Help! Help!

Let me out!

What do you think of these?

They're fresh.

Yeah, but not from the Rolls.

The axle width is too narrow.

That offside tire is badly worn.

Strange, parking here. - It overlooks the lane.

Sir Gerald was from the Treasury, wasn't he? What brought him here, do you know?

I will do shortly. I've got someone working on it.

Those tracks were found close by.

Now, one tire is worn smooth but the other...

Hexagonal multi-tread.

I've checked. They belong to an MT4 military truck.

Help!

Let me out!

Morning, Professor Rushton.

Ah, Chivers.

Has Sir Gerald arrived yet? I'm a bit late, I'm afraid.

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot.

No, Sir Gerald's been delayed.

Delayed?

Yeah, absolutely weighed down with a load of rubbish.

Rubbish? - Yes, bureaucratic rubbish.

Ministerial red tape, that kind of thing, you know.

I'm very glad, really, I wanted to have a talk with you.

You know, Chivers, I can't wait to tell Sir Gerald.

To see his face when I tell him.

Now, Professor, that's what I want to talk to you about.

I really don't think the time is right. - Why not?

You said yourself, this is only a prototype! - Ah yes, but it works, doesn't it, you've seen it!

Yes I know, but you've developed this whole project without ministry consent.

Well, that wasn't my idea.

I know, but we're a testing division, not a research department!

When I suggested you work in secret, I was only thinking of you, Rushton.

You know these civil servants. I've suffered from them.

They block you at every turn. You wouldn't have got a penny.

Professor, this invention is going to put you among the greats.

Oh, do you think so, Chivers, do you really think so?

Of course, once it's perfected, but we don't even know how it works!

We must test it and test again! Without a word to anyone.

Not even your daughter. - Oh, Susan hasn't the faintest idea.

Though she has been questioning me about my expenditure.

Any problems with her, just refer her to me.

That's very good of you, Chivers.

But I should hate you to risk your job.

The benefits could be enormous. It's worth taking a few... risks.

Good morning, Dr. Chivers. - Good morning, Miss Rushton.

What was all that about "taking risks"? - Nothing for you to worry about, my dear.

Well, here's something for you to worry about, been overspending like mad,

and when Sir Gerald arrives... - He's been delayed.

He's bound to turn up sooner or later, and when he does he'll want to know why...

you ordered equipment without authority.

Yes, well, I admit I have taken a few shortcuts but for a very good reason.

What reason?

Well, if you won't tell me, I shall ask Dr. Chivers.

Can I help you?

I hope so, Doctor.

It is Dr. Chivers? - Yes, that's right.

Have we met? - At a distance.

You were chasing butterflies at the time.

Oh, yeah. - Steed, John Steed.

Treasury?

Chivers!

Oh Chivers, Susan is...

Oh, Professor Rushton. This is a Mr. Steed.

Ah, how do you do? - How do you do?

My daughter Susan.

How do you do?

Mr. Steed is from the Treasury.

A very dull job compared to yours, I'm afraid.

Oh no, just routine, we test the endurance of metals, you know.

Corrode them, bombard them and even reduce them.

To their basic elements.

Once a weapon leaves here we guarantee that it will survive the rigors of the battlefield.

That reminds me, Professor, tomorrow's demonstration, the Saracen FV603.

I would like to go over the final details... - Don't let me keep you.

Perhaps Miss Rushton would show me around.

I'd be happy to, Mr. Steed.

Yes, fine, well, if you'll excuse us.

This way, please.

We were expecting Sir Gerald Bancroft to arrive.

So were we.

But he unaccountably vanished between the perimeter and the main gate.

Vanished? Oh, but I thought...

Yes?

When did this happen?

A few hours back, he was on his way to audit the accounts, too.

Do look around. There's the laboratory.

Thank you.

Miss Rushton? - Yes?

Do you assist your father?

Not directly. I work in administration.

Then perhaps you could supply me with an inventory?

Inventory?

Of the division's equipment.

That covers a wide field.

Then let's start with military vehicles. How many trucks do you have?

Which specification? - MT4s.

Well, there's one allocated to the stores.

It's parked out front, I believe. - I've seen that one, any others?

I can check. Why do you ask?

I'm looking for one with a worn front tire.

We found tracks near where Sir Gerald disappeared.

I'm afraid the vehicle inventory doesn't seem to be here.

Get me John Steed.

Administration somewhere.

Yes, I'll wait, but hurry, will you?

Professor Rushton's office.

Who's that?

It's for you Mr. Steed, Captain Gifford.

Hello? - Hello, Steed?

Look, I just...

Hello? Gifford?

Hello? Where are you?

Hello! Gifford!

Gifford, are you there?

Where are you? Are you all right?

Help!

Help! Help! Turn it off!

I can't breathe!

I'm slipping!

I can't hold on!

It's utterly incredible! Two men and a Rolls vanish into thin air.

I presume the area was thoroughly searched?

Inch by inch with the finest of toothcombs.

Anyway, it was ringed with a live wire,

the guards were armed to the teeth,

And nobody could get in or out.

What did you find out about Rushton?

Considered quite brilliant in his day, if a trifle eccentric.

But with age creeping on,

he was put out to grass at the Fatigue Division.

And Chivers?

Well, he might have done well,

but he stepped on a few political toes.

So they both could be pretty disgruntled.

Probably are, but it still doesn't account for the disappearances.

Or their rising expenditure.

Oh, I think we'll find out about that in Rushton's desk.

Oh?

Well, his daughter Susan has got it under lock and key.

That should prove no problem.

There's going to be a demonstration today,

of the Saracen FV603.

The new alloy?

Extremely new.

I gather we're to attend.

I shall.

You'll be engaged elsewhere.

I'd better get into my rifling-Rushton's-desk kit.

No sneaky moves!

There, happier now?

This is the truck they were looking for.

There's something very odd going on here, I know.

I shouldn't worry, my dear. Sir Gerald's bound to turn up.

When he does, you'll be in serious trouble.

I don't think so, Susan.

But you've spent thousands over the allocation.

It hasn't been wasted, I promise you. - But where's the money gone?

When Mr. Steed was here, I lied for you, I covered up for you.

I think you owe me an explanation.

Oh, very well. It all started by accident.

I was testing this new alloy, bombarding it with electrons.

The machine went wrong so I had to improvise.

You know the routine.

We take measurements before and after.

Well, there's usually a slight shrinkage but this time it was more than five per cent.

I couldn't believe it, the rays from the improvised machine...

had actually reduced its size!

So I built a more powerful version - it's here.

There, that's it, that's where the money went.

This machine can actually reduce matter,

and restore it to normal!

I know it sounds fantastic but take radio,

aeroplanes, television.

Didn't that seem inconceivable...

a hundred years ago? - It really works?

You don't believe me, do you?

No. - Look, I'll show you, what shall we use?

Yes, this crate!

Here we go.

There, it was money well spent. Don't you agree, dear?

I'm not sure.

Who'll be there at the demonstration?

The usual top brass plus one or two observers from the other side.

Isn't that rather dangerous?

Well, they're hardly going to walk off with an armoured car.

Somebody walked off with a Rolls.

If there is a connection, it'll be interesting to see who turns up.

Comrade Shaffer?

What's this? - Your jacket.

My jacket.

Fool! This is an army demonstration.

Today I'm a general, not an admiral!

I'm sorry, General... sir.

General.

Joseph?

As a representative of our great country, am I to appear half naked?

Another medal, you fool!

For bravery!

Conspicuous bravery!

Of course.

Good morning, darling.

Or is it good evening?

I thought you were a civilian.

Who's that?

How did she get here?

You brought her here last night.

What lovely medals.

Is this one for endurance?

Get rid of her. - Oh, but, darling!

Out! - You haven't shown me your icons!

This way, please.

Shaffer?

What are you doing here? Get out! - I want to talk to you.

Get out of here! Joseph! I will not have you bursting in here, bursting my head.

I've been trying to see you for weeks. - Not today, I feel so fragile.

I can help you, Shaffer! Listen to me, will you?

All right, all right, all right, I'll listen, but, please,

a little lower with the voice.

All right. My name's Chivers.

Matthew Andrew Chivers, Doctor. You work at the Fatigue Division...

of the testing area to which I've been invited today.

You're completely and totally corruptible.

I make it my business to find out these things.

Good, so we can talk business.

What possible use would you be to me?

The security of the area is beyond reproach.

You would never be able to bring anything out!

You don't think so?

What did you have in mind?

If this Saracen FV603 is as good as I hear,

I'll take that!

It's yours.

You shall have it after today's demonstration.

That's impossible!

Oh, no. Mission highly improbable, I grant you,

but not impossible.

Well, well, well, I observe a most infamous observer.

The general? - Last time I met him, he was an admiral.

His name's Shaffer.

He's versatile. - More than that, he's head of intelligence.

Steed, my dear fellow, what an unexpected pleasure!

General, it's certainly unexpected. You look as though you're entitled to a pension.

Crimean War? You're very well-preserved.

How very kind of you to say so.

Here she comes!

Gun crew, stand by.

So, that's your Saracen. Looks conventional.

Conventional vehicle.

Made of unconventional metal.

What do you British say? "The proof of the pudding"?

All right, General, stand by for a taste.

Hang on, Sergeant!

Number 1 gun. Fire.

Fire 2.

Fire 3.

Fire 4 and 5.

Fire 6.

Cease fire.

Some pudding, huh General?

Yes, indeed.

Sorry we can't part with the recipe.

Come have a drink.

Actually, there was a problem of reoccurring stress, but we're using a new additive.

Really?

I must say, it's a very fine machine.

Drinks are being served, Mr. Steed.

Thank you, I'll be along soon.

Wonderful vehicle, Doctor.

How are you going to remove it? In your raincoat pocket?

Now, be honest, General.

You've got nothing to match the Saracen FV603!

One could hardly judge from such a brief inspection.

Come along. You're welcome to another look.

That would be very kind.

No, please, Professor.

More guardsmen over here!

Get to the perimeter!

What's happened? - I don't know.

What are you doing here?

Give me security. Check all perimeter points!

Give me an immediate check.

Right.

All fences are intact, sir. - Good, they can't have gone far.

Father, what is happening?

The Saracen, someone has stolen it.

What?

Have you checked all visitors? - Yes sir.

Everyone's accounted for,

except John Steed.

What about her?

Hello, Johnson. - Any news of the Saracen, Dr. Chivers?

No, not a thing. You're welcome to search me, if you like.

That's in order.

But she's been through all your papers. I mean, she has no right, has she?

According to this pass, she has every right.

Mrs. Peel is working for the Treasury, with Mr. Steed.

And what has happened to Steed?

I don't know.

And frankly, at this moment he's not my first concern.

The Saracen, that's the important thing. If that has fallen into enemy hands...

It appears I underestimated you, Doctor.

How did you do it?

Where is it? - I brought it with me.

You what? Where?

Here.

What a perfect replica. But what did you do with the real one?

This is the real one.

This is the one you saw being demonstrated.

I took your advice, Shaffer.

I brought it out in my raincoat pocket.

In your raincoat pocket. Now the truth, the real truth.

You see, Rushton's produced a machine.

It reduces things.

Ah ha, reduces things!

Yes, I know it sounds unbelievable. It did to me, at first.

But how else do you think I could have got that out?

Take a look at it, Shaffer. Take a really close look.

Believe me, this is the real thing.

lf you're lying to me...

Oh well, if you think that I'll find another buyer.

No, no, put it back, put it back.

That's mud.

And grass!

Miniature grass.

No panic. Mustn't panic.

I have to inform my department.

I'm sending the Saracen FV603 to you...

in a cardboard box! No panic.

I can deal with this in a cool, calm, collected,

ordered, intelligent manner.

I'd better radio for instructions.

Come with me!

You're sure no one knows of Rushton's work?

Positive, not even his daughter.

It's clear he hasn't realised its military significance.

With such a machine,

we could shrink opposing armies to the size of ants!

Ants, and then... squish, squish, squish, squish.

If we reduce a rocket...

to the size of a toy, how far would it travel?

The possibilities are gigantic!

In a very small way, of course.

The machine's in the truck, you say? - Yes, it's allocated to Rushton.

Can't get it past the perimeter without his pass.

Then we must persuade him to deliver it personally.

His daughter.

He values her more than the machine.

I suppose so.

I'll have her picked up.

Hello? - Mrs, Peel?

Mrs. Peel!

Steed? Are you there? What's happened to you?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe it.

Speak up, I can hardly hear you.

I'm not surprised!

Look, I haven't got time to explain.

Get over to Rushton's daughter and stay with her!

Why?

Because she's in danger. Rushton's invented some kind...

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, who is that? Hello.

Who's speaking? - Hello, who is that?

Hello, what do you want?

Don't joke with me, please.

They're here, they got the girl!

Hello? - Professor Rushton?

Speaking, who's that? - That is of little concern at the moment.

What should concern you is that we have your daughter.

My daughter?

We will return her when you deliver your machine to us.

Hello? Hello?

Don't you see, Father? They've kidnapped Mrs. Peel and they think it's me.

Joseph, you know you're a fool.

All right, Shaffer, leave this to me.

I'm surrounded by fools!

So sorry you've been troubled, Mrs. Peel. A case of mistaken identity.

It happens.

No hard feelings? - None.

You're very kind.

Consider yourself my guest.

I can promise you a most diverting evening.

Can't wait.

Mrs. Peel?

Mrs. Peel!

Yes, it's me.

Steed? It can't be.

It's a dream.

A dream.

A tiny dream.

If you insist.

You're real enough but...how?

Rushton built some infernal machine.

Chivers used it on the tank.

And you just happened to be inside.

How did you guess?

Tell me, Steed,

is everything to scale?

Now, if you can get into a position where I can reach you.

On the corner!

Will you move it further onto the desk?

Any assistance in keeping it taut would be appreciated, Mrs. Peel.

Thanks.

Father, what are you doing? - Destroying my notes.

Then I'll destroy the machine.

The machine?

Yes, I saw myself as a benefactor, but I've created a terrible weapon.

What about Mrs. Peel? - I'll notify the authorities.

It's clear that Chivers is behind it all.

Correction!

Chivers is behind you.

How are we doing? - Another tug should do it!

Miss Rushton, can't let this through without a pass.

As a matter of fact... - It's all right, Johnson.

Carry on, miss.

How are we doing?

Almost there. Under you go.

The pen!

Thanks.

Well, I must say, Mrs. Peel, the pen is mightier than the sword!

Well, between us we've written them off.

I hate to tell you.

Shaffer's got the machine.

Well done!

So, that's your little brainchild? - But where's Mrs. Peel? You said...

You'll be joining her later.

But now it's time for practical demonstration.

Careful!

Sorry.

Where are we going?

I'm trying to get you king-sized again.

That summer house will do.

You will reduce it and bring it back to size again.

My pleasure.

Hold on. Here's your chance.

Fantastic.

Amazing, Professor, quite amazing!

I congratulate you.

Take them into the house.

I'm not sure I shouldn't keep you like this.

After all, it's one way to bag a man.

What happens now?

Stay and await developments.

Big developments.

Today, a summer house, tomorrow, the world!

Now let's see your machine bring it back to size.

Mrs. Peel!

Look.

It's Mrs. Peel! - Leave this to me.

I presume you want her alive. - Of course.

You'd better have the machine put in the house.

All right.

Just come with me.

Sergei! Stefan!

Mrs. Peel?

Mrs. Peel?

Well., well, Mr. Steed.

I think you're going to need a magnifying glass to find her.

But you are right. She's around here somewhere.

Don't you worry. I'll gather her up in my little net.

Take him back to the house.

An astonishing achievement, Professor!

Which I'm sure our scientists can duplicate.

It will guarantee us world domination!

But I cannot risk your being found here.

If you'll excuse me.

I must arrange for your disposal elsewhere.

My pleasure.

By disposal, I suppose he means... - He does.

Oh, dear. - I'd love to help but my hands are tied.

Now, if you'll return the favour, Professor.

If you don't mind, Mr. Steed/

Now, hold very still, Mrs. Peel.

There you are, Mrs. Peel.

Well? - Back to normal.

Everything?

Everything.

Mr. Steed.

Here.

Dr. Chivers! I can't find her.

Forget it! We can spray the whole grounds later.

Professor.

Right.

I can tell you one thing, Doctor. We are going to be big men!

Have you got them. Steed?

Yes, Mrs. Peel, I think we've cut them down to size.

You English. Mini cars. And miniskirts. You never know when to stop!

Help!

How's that?

Straighten her up a little bit.

Okay? - Fine.

Could do with that reducing machine. Pity Rushton destroyed it.

Just beam it around the room and you could move everything about like in a doll's house.

Certain things I'd love to see reduced.

That monstrous apartment block, for a start.

Government offices.

Bank overdrafts. - Elephants.

Bermuda shorts.

Miniskirts.

Wishful thinking, I'm afraid.

Rushton destroyed his notes.

He'll never build another.

Never mind, we'll console ourselves with a gigantic feast!

There's a storm brewing. I'd better get my coat.

No need to worry.

Take my brolly.

But... - Please, don't bother, I'll be all right.

Subtitles by rick@peoplesguidetothecosmos.com