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BASED ON THIS SWEET SICKNESS BY PATRICIA HIGHSMITH

OUR KITE IS CALLED FERGUS

Yes… It's true.

Did you want something, Madam?

I wanted to go in but your dumb concierge wouldn't let me.

-You woke him up? -A bit.

What's going on, Martinaud? Got a party going on?

No, it's nothing, Mr. Chouin.

Throwing a shindig at one a.m.?

Well, tell your colleague

he's very rude. He called me an old piece of shit earlier.

You misunderstood…

It was perfectly plain and clear.

You are very rude, sir!

I don't know your name, but I'd give you a piece of my mind!

Go back inside, you'll catch cold.

Alright, I will. But watch out who you associate with, David.

I left my kidneys at your door,

you just need to heat them up.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Good night, David. Good night.

Good night, Mr. Chouin.

Can you take me home?

-At this hour? -Yeah.

-Good evening. -Good evening.

Who's she? I think I know her.

-She works at the Annex office. -She's pretty cute.

You didn't tell me you had neighbors like that. Is she single?

She's only been here 15 days.

I'll drive you home, but I won't go in.

Yes, you have to! Come on!

Nicole's waiting for me, holding her big knife!

The big, sharp one.

-Hello. -Hello.

Thank you, ma'am. Good bye.

-Reval-France. -Give it here.

It's filed for '77, Sandy's approved it.

We gain three months.

Call from Marsat, Mr. Martinaud.

I'll take it.

-Hello? -Hello, are you Martinaud?

Yes. Hello?

-It's Dutilleux. -Doesn't ring a bell.

"Doesn't ring a bell?" I'm Dutilleux, Lise's husband!

Listen, leave us alone with your damn letters, got it?

These files are a mess.

Better sort this out.

BOISSY, FRIDAY, 5:30 PM

It's empty.

-The postman's passed by? -Yes. But I have something for you.

-I'm a bit late… -Come on!

Your parents can wait a bit.

And they'll like this! You did say the other day that they love paella.

Look at this beauty!

-Juliette gave me a hand. -Wonderful, thank you.

You're welcome.

Last Friday, I made mussels with cream,

but he told me his mother doesn't like them. Right, David?

So, this time, I didn't add any mussels.

It won't be easy to carry.

-It won't fit in my bag. -What if you lay it flat in the car?

-I'll wrap it up for you. -Wait, silly girl! Hold on second.

Olé!

It's ready now.

Your parents will enjoy this, given the crap they serve in hospitals…

It's a care home, Mr. Chouin.

Sure, but it's still cafeteria food.

This here is real Valencian paella! The proper thing.

Wait, I'll help you.

There.

-How are you, Raymond? -Fine, Mr. Fergus.

I cleared the snow in front of your chalet.

I'll pay you tomorrow.

-No rush. -Great, thanks.

-You're welcome. Bye, Mr. Fergus. -Bye, Raymond.

One, two, three!

One, two, three!

One, two, three!

One, two, three!

One, two--

We weren't doing anything bad, sir.

Yes, you were.

Scram! This is private property! You can't come in here!

No one can!

-Hello. -Hello.

Say…

Are you free tonight?

Why? You want to go on a date?

No… It's just your friend, François.

He invited me to a restaurant then to a club.

That's great.

It's embarrassing me.

He keeps calling me. He's married.

Your friend's really annoying me.

Well…

I have lots of work to do, you know?

Sorry…

If my breath stinks, she should just tell me!

When I do slow-dancing, I like to touch.

A handsome guy like me!

You don't dance?

The last time I did, my glasses fell off and someone stepped on them.

Seems to be going alright with François.

He's not exactly a world-class kind of guy.

Did you like the movie the other night?

At the ABC theater.

I've seen you there twice now.

It wasn't too bad.

A bit too sentimental.

"Sentimental?"

You mean, ridiculous?

Your girlfriend must be pretty, you spend every weekend with her.

On the weekend, I look after my parents.

Your parents have been dead for a while now.

I saw it in your file at the office.

It's part of my job, you know?

That's wrong, you must be mistaken.

Either way, I think you're seeing a married woman on weekends.

-Well? -No.

That happens a lot in the provinces.

That office file must be wrong.

No, it was yours, I'm sure of it.

I look after my parents.

They're old and sick, and live in a care home.

I go every Sunday, it's very expensive.

Don't get upset.

Must be a mistake.

I'm not upset.

I just wanted to clear that up.

-Well, thanks. Goodnight. -Good night.

-Are you mad at me for earlier? -No, it's fine.

I can be rude, sometimes.

People always tell me I'm too blunt.

What I mean is…

I'd like it if you were less shy with me.

I'm shy enough as it is.

Good night.

Dear David,

I haven't written to you since my return to Marsat. Please forgive me.

But I think I have a good excuse.

I've just had a baby, David. A boy. They say he looks a lot like me.

This makes me incredibly happy. At least, for now…

And when I think I could have been this happy,

or even happier with you…

life just turned out like this.

We shouldn't think about us anymore.

Maybe you're gay.

Hey, maybe you are!

I don't know what you're doing with Juliette.

I really don't know.

A guy never says no,

a guy never, ever, ever says no!

Just says yes!

That Juliette…

I'm sure she's great in bed.

If we play our cards right, we could both screw her!

Don't you think so?

What's wrong?

What?

David, you're seriously getting--

Hey, that hurts!

This guy's a complete moron!

Go on, run back to your wife!

Run back to your shithole!

-Who's there? -It's me!

David Martinaud.

One second.

I love Lise. I always have.

And I intend to marry her.

Listen, man, just--

No need to be so informal!

You give lessons in manners now?

I'm actually glad you're here. I'm delighted.

I don't like your letters, Martinaud. I don't want to see them anymore.

I write them to Lise.

-Lise is my wife. -You're not allowed to read my letters.

Come in, let me in! I want to see Lise!

Absolutely not, man!

She's tired. You better take off.

You're exactly how I imagined.

Some kind of…

crazy, raving lunatic. Totally nuts.

Is she your prisoner?

Lise! Tell him to let me in!

Shut up, God damn it!

Want to wake up the whole neighborhood?

I want you to understand.

-Just leave already. -No.

Lise and I… We've known each other longer than you have.

Lise and I have been through so much.

What am I doing listening to this crap?

Wait, don't go! Listen to me!

Do you even know… Do you even really know

how to take care of this woman?

Lise!

I want to see Lise!

"I had so much to tell you,

but it just wasn't possible."

"Seeing your husband for the first time really surprised me. It even shocked me."

"This marriage has to be ended."

"Be reasonable. Try to see things from my point of view.

The way anyone else would."

PRIVATE PROPERTY. NO TRESPASSING.

It'll warm up in a minute.

Anybody here?

-Under what name, sir? -Fergus.

Here you are, sir.

THE CHALET

THE LIVING ROOM

THE FIREPLACE

THE PIANO

OUR BEDROOM

Lise!

Lise!

-Did I scare you? -No, I just wasn't expecting you.

It's been so long. So long.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

-You're completely mad! -I don't know…

-Are you feeling better? -I feel fine.

Is that your car?

Yes, I thought of getting a convertible. I don't know…

I'd like…

Want to get in for a second?

We can't really talk out here.

I'd prefer if we walked a bit.

You've changed perfume?

-You don't use "I'll Return" anymore? -No, it's a new one.

I've… brought photos of the house.

-The house? -Yes.

Don't you want to see? It's all for you.

Will you come visit?

When?

Are you all alone in Boissy?

-I mean, you're not seeing anyone? -No.

Don't stay alone too long, it's not good for you.

Stop making fun of me. You know you're the one I want.

The problem is I have a husband and a baby.

It wasn't that hard to wait two years for me.

I wasn't sure.

-What do you mean? -I wasn't sure.

Back then, you'd never say anything.

But you're not in love with him.

It's never easy at first.

-You're not in love with him. -We haven't been married for long.

I'll get you out of it right away!

-That's my bus. -No, I'll drive you back.

No, no.

You have to tell him you saw me today. Tell him!

You hear? And don't be afraid.

Why not love me? For you are true happiness,

All the love I have, I've dreamt of it myself,

Why not love me?

Do you want me to die for your love?

Come on, sing us a song, Mr. Chouin!

I'll… I'll recite a little poem for you.

Alright, then.

"Little Poem."

"Let's drink a glass, and drink another,

To the health of every lover."

"By Cupid, may they be blessed,

To their union, I wish all the best."

What a poet!

Attention, everyone! The solemn moment has come!

Let's celebrate! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I wish you good health.

-Happy New Year! -Happy New Year, David!

This is for you, Mr. Chouin.

Oh, this present is for me? How nice.

This is for you.

You shouldn't have.

"French Culinary Art by our Great Master Chefs"

FERGUS, KING OF SCOTLAND A HISTORY OF THE DALRIADA KINGDOM

What do you want?

It wasn't very nice to walk out on François like that.

François doesn't care.

It wasn't very nice for me.

Can I come in? I won't stay for long.

Sorry, but this is unacceptable. Really!

Seriously!

You spy on me, circle around me.

You follow me everywhere, I can't stand it!

Why does this girl make you like this?

Makes me like what?

So unhappy and pathetic.

I'm not unhappy.

I'm thirsty.

Do you have anything to drink?

I've got beer.

I'd love some.

I want to sleep here tonight.

The girl who's never here doesn't bother me.

You don't feel like it?

I do.

-It's a tiny bed. -Doesn't matter.

I'm sorry, forgive me.

Why are you staring at me?

Don't look at me like that.

I'm not staring.

You women always think you know everything!

With your tiny, little heads!

And your tongues always wagging! Yap, yap, yap!

"Let's go for a walk, David. How about the movies?"

"Take me by the hand. Tell me sweet, little nothings."

And all the while, you're coming in your panties!

You've got a call from Marsat, Mr. Martinaud.

-Hello? -Hello! Hello!

Yes, hello?

Listen, Lise told me she saw you the other day.

Are you following her now? You talk to her in the street?

Are you crazy?

Let me tell you something, Martinaud. Disappear, it's for the best.

Just disappear!

Hello?

-Hello? -I want to talk to Lise.

But I've just told you. Don't you get it?

Give it to me.

Is that you, my dear Lise?

I'm going back to Marsat. This time, I'm taking you away for good.

-I should have done it the first time. -It's not possible.

Yes, it is. You'll see, my dear Lise.

The baby won't be a problem, we'll have our own.

Once you're divorced, you can just give that one to Dutilleux.

-Are you done, Martinaud? -Listen, you!

Mr. Electrical Appliance Man! You listen good!

I've got a fully furnished house, just for Lise and me.

It's got nothing to do with you.

I won't tell you where it is, or you'll ruin it with your filthy paws.

-No way! -Shut up!

Shut up.

I'm sick of you messing everything up! You always stick your nose in.

I can't stand your stupid, emasculated voice anymore.

I'm feeling good! Got that?

I'm in peak form, I'm 27 years old!

And soon, Lise will be in my house!

You hear? Do you like hearing that?

She'll hang her dresses in my wardrobe, she'll eat from my plates.

And I'll kiss her, and I'll--

Martinaud?

Martinaud!

Are you there?

Anybody here?

Don't be stupid, Martinaud.

I know you're here.

-Are you scared to let me in? -Get lost!

I won't leave until we talk!

Listen, Martinaud… It's pretty cold out, maybe we could--

You moron!

Now, that's enough!

-I only brought it to protect myself-- -Think fast!

-Stop kidding around! -Get out of here!

See? It's locked, the key's in my pocket. You want it? Come and get it!

Listen, Martinaud…

I came here to tell you I'm getting sick of you! Understand?

And Lise? Even more than I am--

I didn't get that. What?

I said I'm sick and tired of your letters and threats!

I'm here now, so go on, tell me!

I don't get it. What is it you want, exactly?

Oh, did you hurt yourself?

Nothing broken?

Don't touch me, damn it!

You touch Lise, I touch you.

-Watch it, Martinaud. -I touch you.

You asshole! It drives you crazy, doesn't it?

"My dear Lise!" I'm the one fucking her!

Hands in the air, like you just don't care!

Well, that's what happens.

Go, go, go!

Start the engine!

Get going!

Come on!

-What's taking so long? -It's the fucking brakes…

Hold on.

Go on, get out of here!

Die!

Did your friend ever find you?

Who?

"I want to see Martinaud! I know he lives here!"

That guy was clearly drunk. Good thing Juliette was here.

She told him where I was?

I don't know, I didn't hear a thing. She walked him back to his car.

You and Juliette have some little secrets you're not telling me.

You don't seem to trust me.

And there was a call from a woman in Marsat.

I told her you were with your parents.

I ABSOLUTELY MUST SPEAK WITH YOU, JULIETTE

A woman called Juliette wants to speak to you.

I'm not here.

Hello?

Yes, David?

I just saw the newspaper.

Yes…

Apparently, he came to see me in Boissy yesterday, blind with rage.

Did he want to kill me or something?

-How are you? -I'm alive… I guess. I don't know.

It'll be alright, my dear Lise. Just hang in there.

Do you want me to come over?

Want me to stop by--

-Hello? -I was talking to Lise.

Leave her alone, sir. She doesn't want to talk to anyone.

Tell her it's David. Hello?

-Mr. Martinaud? -Yes?

-It's that Juliette woman again-- -I'm not here!

You don't want to kiss me?

Someone's coming.

-Who? -A neighbor. She'll be here soon.

You're always waiting for someone.

Take off your coat.

It's nice in here.

Come on in.

Have a seat. Do you want a drink?

No.

-I could make some tea. -No, don't worry about it.

How are you, my dear Lise?

I'm fine.

You'll come with me now.

You think this is too sudden?

Why don't you sit down?

I never get any time with you, you're always expecting someone.

You need some time to think about it, is that it?

We'll take your girl with us, it's not a problem.

"Girl?" It's a boy!

You'd rather stay here for now?

I'll look for a job. I don't know… Maybe I'll give piano lessons again.

I earn enough money. You know that, I've told you.

What else should I spend my money on?

Where is your house? In Savoie?

I didn't see anyone that Sunday.

My house is in the opposite direction, shall we say.

Where?

The opposite direction.

No one knows where my house is. I'd say I was seeing my parents.

-They're dead. -I said that so we'd be left alone.

The house is just for us. It's not complicated.

It's not my fault if he had an accident.

You sound like the police and the insurance agent.

"It was an accident. No one's responsible."

-You have to go now-- -I can wait for you outside.

I'll come back later.

You think I'm letting you stay here tonight?

Well, Lise, what's going on?

This is Mrs. Barbet. Remember her? You went to school with her son.

-Hello, ma'am. -This is David Martinaud.

He's leaving now.

But… we're not done talking yet.

I don't see what else there is to say.

You're putting on a show for her? What's gotten into you?

Let her go!

-Leave her alone! -Lise!

Will you cut it out? You scumbag!

You know what you are? A scumbag!

-What's your problem? -You don't scare me at all!

You damn… asshole!

This woman's as dumb as a doorknob!

When can I see you?

I'm going to Sanary.

I'm going to stay at my parents'.

I need to rest, you know.

Will you be gone for long?

-A month… I don't know. -A month?

And then?

I really don't know, David.

I'll be thinking of you.

I just saw Lise.

-I doubt it, she's in Sanary. -She just left my office.

She came to see me.

-I'll call her. -No, I've just seen her.

She can't be home yet.

She wanted to know why I sent her husband out there.

So, I told her I just picked a random address

because he was so drunk, that I just wanted to get rid of him.

Was it the right thing to do?

-I told her I'm in love with you-- -And then?

And then…

And then? What did you say next?

Well, I told her I'm in love with you…

since it's true.

And well, we talked a lot about you.

But you'll never be with her, David, I'm certain of it.

She thinks what happened to her husband is your fault.

He had an accident.

-It's not just that. -What?

You disgust her. Physically.

She can't stand you, you scare her.

When I told her I'm in love with you, she laughed.

She laughed so hard!

-Excuse me, I'm feeling nauseous. -Stay there.

She knows you live in that chalet. She wants proof.

Especially when you accidentally drop a few hints, like with her husband.

I'm going to throw up. Let me leave.

I don't care what you tell her. I can handle all of that.

Lise can too! She knows you don't--

Sorry, excuse me.

Can I use your phone?

Say "good evening" when you walk into someone's home.

Good evening. May I?

Hold this for me for a second.

Stir that in the shape of an eight.

Good evening.

From now on, no more phone calls.

Anyone just spits all over the receiver,

and as always, Chouin picks up all the germs.

I have a call to make.

The little lady from Marsat…

Earlier…

She came by.

She told me everything.

So, you're the one causing all this scandal, then?

Your poor parents, the care home, your visits…

it's all fake.

You've been telling me lies, David.

I'm disappointed, Martinaud. Very disappointed.

What the…?

What's all this racket?

It's a long story.

I have to say, you really are…

a rotten bastard!

Shit!

Did I hurt you?

Let go of me, let go.

-Let me through. -He's fine!

It's nothing!

You bastard!

-Bastards! -No need to get so upset.

-It's okay, Mr. Chouin. Let me see- -Shut up!

Be quiet.

You whore… Damn flirt… Slut!

Calm down, Mr. Chouin.

You shut up too!

You disgusting liar, filthy liar!

Seducing widows!

Everyone chasing after each other.

You're turned my home into a… madhouse.

I'm kicking you out!

I'm telling the landlord, and he'll throw you all out.

She says don't bother coming home.

She's tough. Very tough.

-Thanks, sit down. -I have to make another call.

Sit down, there's plenty of time.

-Relax! -I have to call someone.

Who? The merry widow?

Do you know that song?

As we lie down in our nightgowns,

Two, together,

The soft peaks of your butt cheeks--

Stop it!

You've really snapped! You can't take it anymore, can you?

Hey, are you gonna--

Why don't you kiss my ass?

David!

Are you going to screw this chick, yes or no?

-Hello? -Lise? It's David.

So, you didn't leave?

I wrote you a letter to Sanary.

Sorry, I'm out of breath. I was just outside.

I see.

You came to Boissy and didn't come see me?

Sorry, I can't talk right now.

Is someone there with you?

-Yes… -Who is it?

Listen, if you want, I can see you on Saturday.

Saturday? That's wonderful!

Saturday at noon? Or maybe earlier?

Noon is fine. I have to go now, I can hear the baby.

See you Saturday. Bye, kisses.

Kisses. See you Saturday.

Well?

-When's the wedding? -Soon.

I'll need a best man.

-Have a nice day. -Thank you.

Bye.

Look, mommy's leaving now.

Thank you.

Here.

-I didn't want the girl to see. -What is it?

So… What's your favorite restaurant?

I want you to take me there.

If we don't stop, we can get there in two hours.

Now, let's go see the chalet. It's a bit further up.

It's locked.

There's another way in at the back.

It shouldn't be too hard to force open.

I can't see a thing.

It's nice.

Don't you think?

It's very nice.

See that?

Out of tune.

Never leave a piano open.

Are you crazy? Don't touch anything.

-So, you smoke now? -Sometimes.

You don't take them off?

You're right, I should.

Can you help me?

Come here.

Did you see there's another floor upstairs?

Wait, you're messing up my hair.

Will you marry me?

You can't say my question surprises you.

No.

It's not very complicated.

I can come see you in Marsat every night, if you want.

When would you like?

Monday?

Tuesday?

Tomorrow? It's Sunday tomorrow.

You know, from now on, you'll have to forget me.

Completely.

Understand?

Am I being clear?

What's gotten into you?

Nothing.

Just stop writing and calling me, that's all.

Maybe I'll remarry one day.

But one thing is certain, it'll never be with you.

Maybe I'm wrong.

But that's how it is.

Who is he?

A neighbor, Michel Bardet. You know him, actually.

-The son of that dumb woman? -That's right.

What does he do?

What difference does it make? I'm just seeing him, that's all.

This door will need to be fixed.

ONE MONTH LATER…

-Good evening, David. -Good evening.

You're home already?

I didn't go to work today.

Really?

I just didn't feel like it.

Don't forget François and Nicole invited us over tonight.

Weren't you bringing her a book?

You could have warned me. The food's cold now.

I was behind with work.

Anyway, I'm not that hungry.

Why are you looking at that?

Does it shock you?

You know, people who do graffiti find it meaningful.

They're like messages.

-What kind of messages? -Of love.

I prefer to send flowers as a message of love.

Like this rose?

Look at this disgusting rose.

It's still a rose.

Yes, it is.

It's a bush, with a hole in the middle.

Just drop it.

-We all have this between our legs. -I'm not interested.

I wonder if you've ever really screwed anyone.

Screwed… Fucked in the ass…

I'm not interested.

Really?

I'm not interested in poop and snot.

You're lying!

Your dear Lise shits too, you know? She shits and wipes her ass!

I really don't know how to deal with you.

It's not just you.

It's not your fault.

-Want to go for a drink? -Sure. Where?

I came to get you. But first, I have something to say to this guy.

Recognize me? I'm Martinaud.

If you don't leave us alone, we'll call the cops, I'm warning you!

Did you have fun?

Did you have fun on your last date with Lise?

This guy's messed up!

Get out of here! Get lost!

Hey, you!

Are you gonna listen to me? Honestly!

I can't believe it, everyone always tells me to get lost.

Listen closely.

Lise will be my wife soon.

I don't like seeing her hang out with just anyone. Got it?

I'll go get the cops.

Shut up.

Right, that's enough. Let's go.

Hey! Don't you get it? She doesn't want to see you!

This guy's insane! I'm calling the cops!

No, you're just annoying!

What I want is simple: you to come with me. Come on.

-Hey, you! Leave these people alone. -Let go of me.

-I'll call the cops, then! -Go ahead, call them!

Go on, call them! I'd love that!

-I'd love to get rid of those two! -Haven't you caused enough of a mess?

What do I care?

It's my whole life that's a mess!

And this woman's life too!

I know what to do with my life! I do!

I'm so sick of you!

I'm sick of you! I'm sick of this lunatic!

Leave that girl alone!

Go away! I don't want to see you! Leave!

Well, you two, over there… Isn't life bitter?

-Stop, it's out of tune. -Exactly.

-Did you buy it in a thrift shop? -Stop! I said it's out of tune!

On the floor it goes. I'll just put a record on.

You're a heavy drinker now?

That's new.

You only have classical music? Nothing more fun?

Oh, wait, this one's good.

Sure, make yourself useful.

I can do this myself!

Do you dance?

-That's enough, damn it! -Oh, come on…

Why are you watching this, if you're not even interested?

I'll make some coffee.

-That black girl's hot. -Shut up.

You can't stand us anymore, is that it?

You think you're better than him?

Do you think you respect women more?

You're the worst of them all.

You bastard, that hurt. Look!

Sorry.

Nothing…

You never regret anything.

You live in your dream world.

The people around you…

You don't know them, don't even look at them.

That's not exactly true.

Well, isn't this fun?

Why won't you leave?

Just look at all this. Everything sucks since you've arrived!

Lise should be standing there!

Everything here was made for her!

Not for you!

He's gone completely mental! You're crazy!

Whenever, wherever!

Your fake-ass threats don't scare me.

Alright, then.

He's getting on my nerves. I'm leaving.

Perfect! Take her with you!

You can't order me around, Martinaud.

Only idiots never change their minds.

I'm fine right here. Does it piss you off if I stay?

No!

Oh, Lise…

-What a mess. -Juliette.

Juliette!

Are you ready?

Lise?

Lise.

-Have you seen Lise? -I thought she was with you.

No. I'll wait for her downstairs.

Lise!

Come here!

Take the other car.

To the pool, quick!

No… No, no!

-Lise! -No!