Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

-(audience applauding) -(static crackles, tone drones)

(cheering, whistling)

(cheers and applause continuing)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(cheers and applause continuing)

(piano and guitar playing slow, sentimental melody)

♪ Hey Dad ♪

♪ Yes, son ♪

♪ I thought today was a lot of fun ♪

♪ Hey, son ♪

♪ Yes, Dad ♪

♪ Today was the funnest day a dad ever had ♪

(audience laughs)

♪ Building castles in the sand ♪

♪ Just you and I ♪

♪ Travel 'round in the car ♪

♪ I even let you drive ♪

♪ Eating dinner from a can ♪

♪ Dad's Yummy Can Delight ♪

Both: ♪ Just a guy and his little guy ♪

♪ Son, I know it's hard to watch your daddy cry ♪

♪ It hasn't been easy since your mama died ♪

♪ But don't you worry ♪

♪ We'll be all right ♪

♪ Remember we're a family ♪

♪ Just you ♪

♪ And I ♪

♪ You know very well, Dad ♪

♪ Mama didn't die ♪

-♪ She just hooked up with another guy ♪ -(audience laughing)

♪ His name's Trevor ♪

♪ And now they live together ♪

♪ That's where you pick me up on Friday nights ♪

(audience laughing)

♪ Don't you wonder where I go? ♪

♪ You always go for a while ♪

♪ You never ask me where I am ♪

♪ Don't wanna cramp your style ♪

♪ And when I see you on weekends ♪

♪ You always make me smile ♪

-♪ That's the smile of your little guy ♪ -The smile of my little guy.

(both vocalizing)

(laughter)

♪ Hey, Dad, can I sit on your knee? ♪

♪ Got questions 'bout the world that are troubling me ♪

♪ You tell me every question that you have for me ♪

♪ And tell me, does your mama still mention me? ♪

(laughter)

♪ When I grow up ♪

♪ What will I do? ♪

♪ Will I be a fireman? ♪

♪ Or work in a zoo? ♪

♪ You can do anything that you choose ♪

♪ The world is at the feet of a kid like you ♪

-♪ Just a boy and his dad ♪ -♪ Just a dad and his kid ♪

Both: ♪ Hanging out together ♪

♪ I'd like to live on the moon ♪

♪ Or maybe live on a star ♪

♪ Or will I be like you, Dad ♪

♪ And live in the car? ♪

♪ You can't live on a star ♪

♪ You'd disintegrate to ash ♪

♪ And where you spend your nights is dependent on cash ♪

♪ Will I fall in love and will it be forever? ♪

♪ Or will she leave me one day for someone like Trevor? ♪

♪ Well, you just never know how love will end ♪

♪ But never ever introduce her to your handsomest friend ♪

♪ Just a boy and his dad ♪

♪ Just a dad and his kid ♪

Both: ♪ Hanging out together ♪

(both vocalizing)

♪ Since your mama ran away ♪

♪ Been thinking 'bout your lonely, little heart ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ But you, you don't need to feel so sad ♪

♪ You still got your dad ♪

♪ Since your mama ran away ♪

♪ No, she didn't run away ♪

♪ Been thinking about your lonely little heart ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Dad, she's living in our old place ♪

♪ But the two of us, we don't need to feel so sad ♪

♪ I'm not sad because ♪

-♪ I still got Dad ♪ -♪ You still got your dad ♪

♪ And another even cooler dad ♪

♪ Ever since your mama ran away ♪

♪ She passed away, then ran away ♪

♪ And Mom, she wished she did it years ago ♪

♪ Been trying to think of the right words to say ♪

♪ And, Dad, she calls you an asshole ♪

♪ The two of us, we don't need to feel so bad ♪

♪ I'm not sad ♪

-♪ Because I've got two dads ♪ -♪ Because you still got your dad ♪

♪ And Trevor bought me a brand-new bike ♪

♪ Life has not been the same when she went away ♪

♪ Trevor lets me watch anything I like ♪

♪ And I've been thinkin' 'bout my lonely little heart ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Eat ice cream on weekday nights ♪

♪ But you know what makes me feel so glad? ♪

♪ I'm not sad because ♪

-♪ I've still got Dad ♪ -♪ I'm still your dad ♪

♪ I'm still your biological dad ♪

(audience laughing)

♪ Hey, Dad, can I sit on your knee? ♪

♪ Got questions 'bout the world that are troubling me ♪

♪ No, son, don't you sit on my knee ♪

♪ You're too big now ♪

♪ You're 33 ♪

(laughter)

♪ You'll always be my little guy ♪

♪ I'll always be your little guy ♪

-♪ But I'm 33 ♪ -♪ But you're 33 ♪

(music ends)

(cheering and applauding)

Thank you.

Thanks, London.

Now you see the lights have come up a bit, you see it is us.

And you probably noticed that we're a bit older

than, uh... than we were formally.

-We're not ill. -(audience laughing)

We've been trying to stay young.

We're trying to preserve ourselves like those sexy man-boys

that you saw ten years ago on the TV.

-Um... -'Cause we know that people don't like characters

that they know from television to get older.

I think, to them, it's disturbing.

I mean, it's difficult for us to see you 'cause you're older as well.

(laughter)

But the lights are quite dark, so it's quite flattering on you guys.

Yeah, but us being up here, and we remind you of your own,

I guess, your own mortality.

(laughter)

Sorry about that.

Having said that, let's enjoy...

-the fleeting moment. Yes! -The time we have left.

-Let's try and have a good time. -Yeah.

Anyway, you see how fast it's going.

Yeah, it's gone. It's great to be here in London.

This is a bit of a reunion gig for us.

Uh, we haven't played since last night, and...

It's just great to have the whole band here.

-Um... -We don't know if you've heard these jokes.

You might be exactly the same people.

(audience laughs, hoots)

We're one of the biggest bands in New Zealand now.

-Uh... -In terms of the number of members.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

We're a two-person band.

Most bands in New Zealand are one-person bands.

Um, you've probably heard of John.

(laughter)

-Jemaine: Rob. -Bret: Lucy.

-Lucy's great. -Yeah, yeah, brilliant.

It's a very good band.

Even our national orchestra's a one-man band. It's very...

-When we combined, we formed the super group. -Yeah.

Bret used to be in a band, didn't you?

-My old band was called "The Bret." And... -Yeah.

And Jemaine was-- Your band was called, what, The Jemaine and...?

-No, it was "Jemaine and the No One Else." -That's right, yeah.

(laughter)

How we got together was we were billed on the same night

at the same time by accident,

and most of our songs have the same chords anyway,

so we just sang at the same time,

and that's how we wrote a lot of our songs.

Yeah, and that's how this electricity got started.

Bret: Yeah, yeah. That's right.

We're gonna do some songs. This next one is, uh...

It's another du-et.

-Um, and... -(audience laughing)

it... it's kind of groundbreaking for us.

Um, because we're really challenging

the gender stereotypes that exist, uh, within the band. And...

And for those of you who know some of our songs,

I often play the ladies in our songs.

-And... -And you do it well, Bret.

-You do it well. -Thank you.

Uh, but this next song,

we're doing a gender reversal reversal.

So, what we usually do is we gender reverse it, so Bret's the lady,

but we've reversed it back on itself,

full 360 till he's back to a man.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's very excited to be playing the very macho--

Ian. A guy called Ian.

-A British-- -A very, um...

It's a very macho name.

-He's a very macho, sexual British guy. -Mm.

And Jemaine takes the role of Deanna.

-Yeah. -Uh, it's an office place romance.

And she's a very complex character.

A lot of layers that you've put in there.

Yeah, I've put in two layers.

(laughter)

I've added another dimension to what I usually do

to make a fully two-dimensional character.

-Yeah. -Uh, I've really embraced the role.

-I've studied a woman. -That's right.

And I just watched little things she did.

It's like this kind of thing.

You'll see that come-- you'll see it.

-I won't do it now. -Save it, save it.

I'll save it for the performance

when you see me become Deanna.

-You'll see it. -Oh, it's a transformation.

-Yeah. -Thank you!

-Um... -Thank you.

But one last detail,

um, before we do play the song, it's just,

you know, I think we want to point out that we are aware

that comedy is a very male-dominated industry.

-Unfortunately. -You know, we're writing the roles for women, but, um...

The problem is the band itself is very male-dominated.

-And... -It's systemic.

-Yeah, it's-- -It's systemic, a systemic problem.

It's the fucking patriarchy, that's what it is.

Yeah, so we're sorry about that.

But we're trying, we're trying, yeah, yeah.

(laughter)

(tapping rhythmically)

What? Too fast?

-What do you think? -Probably too rocking for us.

Tone it down a little bit. People are moshing at the front.

(mid-tempo melody playing)

(audience laughing)

♪ You walk into the office ♪

♪ In your corporate attire ♪

♪ It's only morning teatime ♪

♪ Yet I'm burning with desire ♪

♪ I'll catch you in the corridor ♪

♪ A smart, casual blouse ♪

♪ You brush past my cubicle ♪

♪ I'm instantly aroused ♪

♪ I watched you at your desk this morning ♪

♪ Filling out some spreadsheets ♪

♪ I could not help but picture you ♪

♪ Spread out on my bedsheets ♪

♪ I watch you from the water cooler ♪

♪ Talkin' to Finance ♪

♪ I had to take my paper cup ♪

♪ And pour it down my pants ♪

♪ Well, let's get out of these clothes ♪

♪ Let's get out of this office ♪

♪ Is that a tent in your pants? ♪

♪ No, that's a two-bedroom cottage ♪

♪ Gonna feel your boober ♪

♪ In the back of the Uber ♪

♪ I'm going to play with your jacksie ♪

♪ While you pay for the taxi ♪

♪ Well, you look good in that skirt ♪

♪ And you look good in that shirt ♪

♪ Well, you look so good it hurts ♪

♪ And then we... uh-uh! ♪

♪ Oh, just two irresistible forces ♪

♪ The tension is mounting ♪

♪ Oh, I'm Deanna from human resources ♪

♪ And I'm Ian from... (echoes) accounting ♪

♪ Well, you've waxed your legs ♪

♪ Your legs are looking smooth ♪

♪ Your legs are looking fine ♪

(both moan)

♪ I've only waxed one leg ♪

♪ The left leg ♪

♪ Then I ran out of time ♪

♪ Well, you've got one hot leg ♪

♪ You're intoxicating ♪

♪ You smell so sweet ♪

-♪ It's like confectionery ♪ -♪ Thanks, it's my deodorant ♪

♪ You've been learning big words ♪

♪ From a big word book ♪

-♪ A dictionary? ♪ -♪ Yeah, that's it, thanks ♪

♪ You've removed your clothes ♪

♪ And my underclothes ♪

♪ You look good nude ♪

♪ Yeah, I do ♪

♪ 'Cause I had a spray tan ♪

♪ Been working on my pecs ♪

♪ And I trimmed my pubes ♪

♪ And they're the perfect length of pube, oh ♪

Both: ♪ Can't fight this fire ♪

♪ Can't fight this feeling ♪

♪ Let's take it higher ♪

♪ I'm gonna spunk on the ceiling ♪

♪ You can touch my boob ♪

♪ Just like they do in Rude Move ♪

♪ 'Cause when we finish, we'll have ♪

♪ To replace all the duvets ♪

-♪ Oh, oh ♪ -♪ Oh, it's just human nature ♪

♪ Yeah, it's a primal calling ♪

♪ Oh, I'm Deanna ♪

♪ Deanna from HR ♪

♪ And I'm Ian from accounting ♪

♪ Oh, can't put out this fire ♪

♪ No, not even with a fountain ♪

♪ Oh, we are bound by human desire ♪

♪ And I'm Ian from... (echoes) accounting ♪

(feedback whines)

(playing rock riff)

(audience cheering)

(cheering)

(cheers and applause)

♪ You've been learning sex moves ♪

♪ 'Cause you just touched my nips ♪

♪ Yes, I've been reading Cosmo ♪

♪ For clothes advice and sex tips ♪

Both: ♪ Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex tips ♪

♪ Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex tips ♪

♪ Hey girls, spice things up ♪

♪ Try touching his nips ♪

Both: ♪ Oh, we couldn't fight this fire ♪

♪ Couldn't fight this feeling ♪

♪ We took it higher ♪

♪ Now let's wipe off the ceiling ♪

♪ We should go back to work ♪

♪ Well, I've got spunk on my shirt ♪

♪ I'm going to wipe down the ottoman ♪

♪ Ooh, that I had my bottom on ♪

♪ I had a good time, Ian ♪

♪ Oh, I had a great time, Deanna ♪

♪ We should throw out that rug ♪

♪ I wouldn't eat that banana ♪

♪ Oh, just two irresistible forces ♪

♪ It's a primal calling ♪

♪ Oh, I'm Deanna from human resources ♪

♪ And I'm Ian from accounting ♪

♪ Deanna from HR ♪

Both: ♪ Ian from accounting ♪

(music ends)

(cheering and applauding)

And now I'm back to a man.

Did you see that?

It's so seamless.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-(Bret sighs) -It's true.

(electronic mid-tempo beat playing)

(synthesizer joins in)

(audience cheering)

♪ Inner-city life, inner-city pressure ♪

♪ The concrete world is starting to get ya ♪

♪ The city is alive, the city is expanding ♪

♪ Living in the city can be demanding ♪

♪ You pawned everything, everything you own ♪

♪ Your toothbrush jar and a camera phone ♪

♪ You don't know where you're going, you cross the street ♪

♪ You don't know why you did, you walk back across the street ♪

♪ Now you're standing in the sitting room totally skint ♪

♪ Your favorite jersey is covered in lint ♪

♪ You want to sit down, but you sold your chair ♪

♪ So you just stand there ♪

♪ You just stand there ♪

(echoing) ♪ You just stand there ♪

Both: ♪ Inner ♪

♪ Inner-city ♪

♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

♪ Counting coins on the counter of the 7/11 ♪

♪ From a quarter past six till a quarter to seven ♪

♪ The manager, Bevin, starts to abuse me ♪

♪ Hey man, I just want some muesli ♪

♪ Neon signs, hidden messages ♪

♪ Questions, answers, and fetishes ♪

♪ You know you're not in high finance ♪

♪ Considering secondhand underpants ♪

♪ Check your mind, how did it get so bad? ♪

♪ What happened to those other underpants you had? ♪

♪ Check your pockets, haven't found one cent yet ♪

♪ Landlord's on your balls, "Have you paid your rent yet?" ♪

Both (echoing): ♪ Inner ♪

♪ Inner-city ♪

♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

(echoing) ♪ Inner ♪

Both: ♪ Inner-city ♪

♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

♪ Can you handle the pressure? ♪

(synthesized vocalizing)

♪ So you think maybe I'll be a prostitute ♪

♪ Just to pay for your lessons, you're learning the flute ♪

♪ Ladies won't pay you very much for this ♪

♪ Looks like you'll never be a concert flautist ♪

♪ You don't measure up to the expectation ♪

♪ When you're unemployed, there's no vacation ♪

♪ No one cares, no one sympathizes ♪

♪ You just stay home and play synthesizers ♪

(playing distorted melody)

♪ You've lost perspective like a picture by Escher ♪

♪ It's the pressure ♪

(synthesized voice) ♪ Inner-city pressure ♪

-(flute screeches) -(audience laughing)

♪ New York ♪

♪ Berlin ♪

♪ Paris ♪

(vocalizing)

♪ Wellington ♪

-♪ Can you feel it? ♪ -♪ Christchurch ♪

-♪ You feel the pressure ♪ -♪ London, a city of pressure ♪

(synthesized) ♪Pressure, pressure, pressure ♪

(cheering, applauding)

Bret: We're very lucky to be touring, uh,

your country with, uh, special guests.

We'd like to welcome to the stage,

please give a London warm welcome to the one and only

New Zealand Symphony Orchestra.

(cheering and applauding)

This is Nigel.

He's the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra.

I know you're thinking, "Well, this is a very small orchestra,"

because we've seen the kind of orchestras

that you guys are always harping on about.

No, that actually wasn't intended, that pun.

No, but it was a good one.

Next time I say it, I'll intend it.

But that was without intention.

But, um, he is a small orchestra, but per capita,

he's actually bigger than your orchestra.

(audience laughing)

We're gonna play one of our older songs.

This one is set in the 14th century.

(laughter)

It's very popular, this song in England, but only in England,

because it has a recorder in it.

You love a bit of recorder.

(laughter)

Jemaine: You love some weird things.

Could we get some lighting that evokes

a medieval atmosphere, please?

Thank you.

Okay, this is a song called "The Summer of 1353."

(audience laughing)

With Nigel,

the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra, on cello.

(cheers and applause)

(slow strumming)

Hold on. I forgot it.

(laughter)

(slow, simple melody playing)

(playing bright melody)

(cheers and applause)

(laughter)

♪ 'Twas the summer of 1353 ♪

♪ And I sat beneath a willow tree ♪

♪ I decided upon that day I would be ♪

♪ A-wooing a lady ♪

♪ I went to the florist and I said to she ♪

♪ "I need a flower, for today I will be ♪

♪ "A-woo-woo-woo, a-wooing ♪

♪ "A lady ♪

♪ "I'll hold this flower beneath her nose ♪

♪ It should smell as sweet as a rose" ♪

Both: ♪ "For this," she said, "I'd recommend ♪

(high-pitched) ♪ "A rose ♪

(laughter)

♪ "For a rose-like scent I'd probably go ♪

♪ With a rose" ♪

♪ Then I went to the tailor ♪

♪ For to buy some clothing of the latest style ♪

♪ Which at that time ♪

♪ Was tights and pointed boots ♪

♪ I got the very tightest tights ♪

♪ And the pointiest of boots ♪

(laughter)

♪ Then I said to the hairdresser ♪

♪ "Cut my hair" ♪

(operatic voice) ♪ "I'll cut it like the page boys wear ♪

♪ "Just a straight line across the brow ♪

♪ "I'll get a ruler and some scissors

♪ "And do it for you now ♪

♪ "It's a very hot look ♪

♪ If you're trying to woo a lady" ♪

(cheers and applause)

♪ Then I needed a horse ♪

♪ So I went to the stables ♪

♪ Said, "Stable Man, would I be able ♪

♪ To hire a horse from which to woo milady?" ♪

(gruffly) ♪ "Sire, there are two things that I must see ♪

♪ One florin and one form of picture ID" ♪

-(laughter) -♪ "Alas, I have no ID on me ♪

♪ Who even carries ID? It's 1353" ♪

♪ "I maketh not the rules" ♪

♪ Quoth he ♪

♪ I had a very unflattering tapestry made of me ♪

(laughter)

♪ Then from a hilltop, a lady, I did view ♪

♪ And I knew exactly what I must do ♪

♪ The time had come for me to woo this lady ♪

♪ So I said ♪

Both: ♪ "Woo-hoo, woo-hoo-hoo ♪

♪ "Woo-hoo, lady, I am wooing you ♪

♪ Woo-hoo, woo-ooh-hoo, I woo you, lady" ♪

♪ This lady then said unto me ♪

(high-pitched) ♪ "You can't woo me so easily ♪

♪ It takes more than going 'Woo-ooh-ooh-ooh' to a lady" ♪

(laughter)

♪ But, lady, look, beneath your nose ♪

♪ It is a rose-scented flower which I call a rose ♪

♪ I have a very large horse ♪

♪ And the tightest clothes ♪

♪ All of these things I do to woo you ♪

♪ Lady ♪

♪ The horse is big ♪

♪ The tights are fun ♪

♪ But the hairdo's a little 1351 ♪

♪ In fact, it makes you look a little like

♪ A lady ♪

(laughter)

♪ He-Man has this very same haircut ♪

♪ He-Man, double masculine, ♪

♪ He-Man ♪

(laughter)

♪ I'm to be married to the king ♪

♪ We are to be wed ♪

♪ This coming spring ♪

♪ If you want my heart, you have to challenge him ♪

♪ To the thing they do ♪

♪ With the long pointy thing ♪

♪ The thing where they run at one another on horseback ♪

♪ With a very long pointy thing ♪

♪ Puncture your lung ♪

(audience laughing)

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Is that the time? I should be on my way ♪

♪ I think I'm coming down with a little bit of the plague ♪

♪ If it matters not to you ♪

♪ I will just away ♪

♪ And claim that I wooed you anyway ♪

♪ I'll tell all my friends in the village ♪

♪ That I wooed a lady ♪

♪ By going ♪

Both: ♪ Woo-hoo, woo-hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Woo-hoo, lady, I have just wooed you ♪

♪ Woo-hoo-hoo, woo-hoo ♪

♪ I wooed ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ Milady ♪

(cheering and applauding)

(playing simple melody)

(laughter)

(harmonizing with melody)

(laughter)

(harmonizing with melody)

(audience cheering, whistling)

(applauding)

(audience clapping rhythmically)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

-(music ends) -(cheering and applauding)

Thank you.

(sighs)

So, as well as our doing a collection of songs tonight,

we're gonna tell you some of our-- our rock and roll anecdotes.

Give you a sort of a behind-the-scenes look

at, uh, you know, the life of the band.

Jemaine: You know, some pretty funny experiences that we've had,

-some pretty crazy ones as well. -Yeah.

And I think one that encompasses both those, um, subsets...

(audience laughing)

I don't know. I don't think "subsets"

is a very rock and roll way of describing it.

Jemaine: That's what we're talking about, the fun...

the fun rock and roll subset.

Um... (clears throat) Uh, the story--

the story that Jemaine is talking about,

-I think, is the muffin story. -Oh, yes!

Yeah. Um, this is a story of, um...

the time when I got to my hotel room--

Oh, no, sorry. Let me give a bit of context.

Wait. Hold on. Everyone listen to Bret.

Okay.

Okay, so, first of all, being in a band,

we stay in hotels, 'cause we tour around.

-We stay in some quite fancy hotels. -Oh, yes.

We've stayed in some Premiere Inns.

-Yeah, absolutely. -(laughter)

And we've stayed in some of the very Best Westerns out there.

And I got to my room,

and there was a complimentary muffin sitting on the table.

Okay, this is where the fun--

You guys obviously don't stay in these fancy hotels, 'cause this is very unusual.

Some of you are a few steps ahead.

You're like, okay, this is where the fun's beginning.

-Yeah. -Yep.

So, I thought, okay, if I've got a complimentary muffin,

I bet old Mad Dog's got a complimentary muffin.

That's my nickname. I'll tell you about that later.

-But tell them the joke about the complimentary muffin. -Okay, yeah, sure.

Okay, so the complimentary muffin, now,

it's not a muffin that says, "Oh, hello, Bret, you look good today."

It's a complimentary muffin.

-But... -Yeah.

Imagine that though. Imagine that.

-That's ridiculous. -It's such a fun...

A very flattering pastry.

Little blueberry eyes.

-You know, just looking up at you, going... -Absolutely adorable.

I'd eat that.

It's just looking up at you, going,

"Well, you've got a nice personality. Little muffin.

That's just a little digression we add in to--

Yeah, we just, like, spice up the story with a bit of humor.

Yeah. Um...

It wasn't something that occurred to us at the time.

And so, I thought if I've got a complimentary muffin,

I bet Mad Dog here's got one, and...

Right. You're probably wondering why I get called "Mad Dog."

(audience laughing)

Bret: This is a nickname that caught on

when Jemaine e-mailed me with the subject "New Nickname."

I'm not sure if that's the start of it.

(laughter)

I'm sure it was a series of events.

No, well, it was a series of e-mails.

It was-- Yeah. Three or four e-mails reminding me,

and then, eventually, it caught on, and now, I've got it up here.

It's not important to the story about how I got the name,

I've got a reputation, and they call me Mad Dog, within the band.

-(laughter) -And so, I thought--

I called his room, and I'd only been in the room

maybe like, two or three minutes, you know, me and my muffin.

And I call up Jemaine's room.

I mean, Mad Dog, and, um...

-Thank you. -He answers the phone.

"Hello?" (chewing noisily)

-He's already bloody halfway through that muffin. -Yeah.

(audience laughing)

Bloody Keith Richards over here.

-(laughter) -God.

I didn't-- I didn't even wait. As soon as I saw it, rawr!

What'd you do? Just walk in there like,

"Rawr, give me that. I'll do that!" Bloody...

Yeah, basically. That's pretty much it.

He wasn't even there, and he guessed it,

because I'm a mad dog.

-(Bret sighs) And... -(audience laughs)

You start to get a picture of the life of excess that we live.

Jemaine: For you to know it's a life of excess,

you need to also know that we had muffins for breakfast.

That's right, yeah.

So that's bloody two muffins in one day. Oh!

-Double muffiner. -Oh, God.

(laughter)

-Yeah. -Yeah.

And so, we collect these stories as we travel 'round,

you never know when something crazy's gonna happen.

Yeah! (laughs)

That one was about seven years ago.

It was.

(audience laughing)

(playing up-tempo melody)

♪ This is the strangest story that you'll ever hear ♪

♪ Unless you can't hear ♪

(laughter)

♪ In which case, this'll be the weirdest tale that you've ever lip-read ♪

(laughter)

♪ I'll tell you the story of a dangerous man ♪

♪ Some say he was born with a gun in his hand ♪

♪ An only child and a motherless son ♪

♪ In his class he was the difficult one ♪

♪ He had a predilection ♪

♪ For killing and hating ♪

♪ His name was an anagram of Satan ♪

♪ Bad attitude ♪

♪ Bad blood, bad grammar ♪

Both: ♪ A man by the name of ♪

♪ Stana ♪

(all vocalizing)

♪ Stana ♪

Talking about a bad man, London.

A very bad man.

♪ An evil man ♪

♪ His very name was a Satan-agram ♪

♪ He's the kind of man ♪

♪ Who would walk around without any pants on ♪

♪ And take a Viagra ♪

♪ Just pop into town at the supermarket with an erection ♪

♪ Man, he'd poke babies in the eye ♪

♪ Unrelated to the last fact ♪

(laughter)

He'd steal your goat. You don't know what he would do with it.

Bad things.

♪ He'd steal your Wi-Fi ♪

♪ His name is a Satan-agram ♪

♪ Just like Santa, but he was nothing like Santa ♪

♪ No, Santa's a wonderful man ♪

♪ Who brings presents, comes down your chimney ♪

♪ And brings you presents ♪

♪ Whereas Stana's a man ♪

♪ Who just cums down your chimney ♪

-Why would someone do that? -(audience laughing)

Ruin a lovely fireside evening.

♪ Well, them people ♪

Both: ♪ They were sick of him groping their goats ♪

♪ And raping their sheep ♪

♪ Then one night ♪

♪ They drugged his drink ♪

♪ They tried to sneak out while he was asleep ♪

♪ But Stana awoke before they got out of town ♪

♪ Because their drug was just too weak ♪

♪ He gathered them 'round, shot every one of them down ♪

♪ Right there in the street ♪

He shot everybody in the town down.

And then you know what he said?

He said, "I'm out of this place. This town's dead anyway."

He kinda did it like that where the head went...

"This town's dead anyway."

-"It's too soon, Stana." -"That's rude! What are you--?

He's literally adding insult to injury!

(audience laughing)

♪ He put on his hat ♪

♪ And got on his horse ♪

♪ And to a new town ♪

♪ He set his course ♪

♪ Went to a place to grab a bite to eat ♪

♪ Could not believe what he saw out on that street ♪

♪ Outside where the wind blew in two directions ♪

♪ Stana seemed to look at his own reflection ♪

♪ A man identical to imperfection ♪

♪ Same eyes, same lies, same sized erection ♪

(audience laughs)

(both vocalizing)

-Both: ♪ Erection ♪ -(audience laughs)

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking he had a big one. Nope.

Oh, you thought 'cause he was a bad boy, he'd have a big ol' one.

-Yeah. -You thought he'd have a big huge-a-rooni.

-No, no, no, no, no... -No, London. No, London.

That's a rumor put out by bad guys.

-(chuckles) Oh, yeah. -(audience laughs)

"Give me all your money, and when they come, you say I had a big one."

Well, I was just gonna mention, you know who does have big ones,

-is musicians. -Right.

Exactly, definitely.

♪ Well, they drew their guns ♪

Both: ♪ Both at once and aimed their shots directly ♪

♪ No one there had seen such a thing ♪

♪ Well, it's not what you'd expect to see ♪

♪ Bullets flew at the very same time ♪

♪ On the very same trajectory ♪

♪ What I say is true ♪

♪ 'Cause I was there ♪

♪ And them bullets flew right next to me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Both: ♪ Them bullets stopped right there as they met in the air ♪

♪ Then they fell to the ground without making a sound ♪

♪ Each man dropped his jaw and fired five more ♪

♪ Each pair of bullets was the same as before ♪

♪ They raised their brows as they saw the side ♪

♪ Of the bullets as they stopped each others flight ♪

♪ As though they were filled with pure elation ♪

♪ They began to laugh 'cause it was quite a funny situation ♪

-(audience cheering) -(both vocalizing)

♪ Funny situation ♪

Turns out this other guy's name is Anats.

(whispers) Satan-agram.

The two men couldn't shoot each other,

'cause they were absolutely perfectly matched in every way.

So instead, they went to a cafe.

They started chatting. Turned out they had more in common

than just physical appearances.

That's right. Very similar experiences.

They'd done a lot of the same things.

And they loved the same kind of activities

like hurting people and maiming.

(audience laughs)

They-- they got on like a house on fire,

which is also one of the first things they did together.

They both shared a love for predatory large cats.

You know, tigers.

Both: Lions.

Ocelots.

Lynxes.

You have any big cats here in London?

They're like big beavers.

-They don't have beavers. -You guys don't have beavers?

What the fuck? Oh, badgers. That's what you guys have.

-Badgers, that's what they... -(audience laughing)

Go out hunting for English beavers.

(laughter)

♪ They became attached together ♪

♪ Like a brain and a tumor ♪

♪ Same taste, same hobbies ♪

Both: ♪ Same sense of humor ♪

♪ They bought a farm, started breeding puma ♪

♪ And they became lovers ♪

♪ Well, that's the rumor ♪

♪ Well, that's what happened when Anats met Stana ♪

♪ But they say we all got our doppelganger ♪

♪ That might be false ♪

Both: ♪ But it might be true ♪

♪ What would you do if you met you? ♪

That's the real question.

What would you do if you met yourself,

if you were confronted by your own person?

Jemaine: Maybe you'd look at that other you in the eye,

and just think...

(whispers) "I understand you.

(laughter)

Because I am you."

And you'd walk up to that person,

and you'd hold them,

the way you've always wanted to be held.

But no one's ever got it quite right,

sometimes they've done it too tightly,

sometimes they've done it too loosely

with their arms all floppy like spaghetti...

dangling around.

But this hug between you and that other you

is a perfect consistency of hug.

Then, while you're there with your hands around your self,

you think, "Well, I wonder what my butt feels like."

(laughter)

And you just, like...

you know, like, spider-walk one of your hands down

to your other self's... butt-on!

And give it a little squeeze.

And "Whoa! What's happening back there?"

The other you's doing the same thing.

Hello.

Is this wrong?

And then you wonder...

"I wonder if I'm a good kisser."

So you kiss that other you.

And you know what? Straight away...

it feels right, it feels good.

It feels like love.

♪ They've fallen in love ♪

♪ An emotional connection ♪

♪ Two very evil men ♪

♪ With minuscule erections ♪

♪ Stana and Anats ♪

♪ Anats and Stana ♪

♪ Looking after each other now ♪

♪ Looking after panthers ♪

(roaring)

♪ They used to be murderin', murderin', murderin' ♪

♪ Now they're cuddlin', cuddlin', cuddlin' ♪

♪ Used to be threatenin', threatenin', threatenin' ♪

♪ Now they're getting big cats and pettin' em ♪

♪ Used to be homicidal and killin' ♪

♪ Now, they're in a domicile and chillin' ♪

♪ Used to be slayin' and slayin' and slayin' ♪

Both: ♪ And now they're gayin' and gayin' and gayin' ♪

♪ Now they're in love ♪

-♪ They're fallin' in love ♪ -♪ Love ♪

♪ They're fallin' in love ♪ -♪ Love ♪

-♪ They're fallin' in love ♪ -♪ Love ♪

Both: ♪ They found a little love ♪

-(music ends) -(cheering and applauding)

Sorry about that. That was just far too long.

That was...

-It was like a whole show. -Yeah.

Tonight-- it's gotten longer every night.

(audience laughing)

Sorry. I was just laughing.

I was just remembering the muffin story.

(laughter)

Not all our stories are muffin stories.

Most of them, but not all of them.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking these guys,

they just bloody travel around the country,

eating muffins, living the life, and um...

But we've had darker times,

and we want to share one of those with you tonight.

We were on our way to a gig,

and we found ourselves trapped in a lift.

Yeah. It's not a long story, but, um...

It's claustrophobic in there,

and we-- we panicked to be honest.

It was very intense for the band. Yeah, for sure.

-We're not too proud to say that, uh, we freaked out. -Yeah.

Shit got very real. Uh...

And by that, he means that one of the band did a shit

in the, um... in the elevator.

It was-- it was not comfortable at that point.

And it was very early in, very early in.

Yeah. (clears throat) And, um...

Well, we were in there for a few hours,

and we eventually discovered the emergency button

that contacts a... I don't know who that person is exactly.

We didn't know because we were so freaked out and panicked.

We didn't even ask her about herself.

(laughter)

Usually, I'd say, "Hi, I'm Jemaine. Who are you?

"And, you know, what you up to?

What are your interests?" But we were freaking out.

We were like, "We're trapped in the lift. There's a poo in here."

(laughter)

And she said, "Don't worry, calm down. Take a deep breath."

-We said, "That's not great 'cause... -No, no. We're not gonna.

(laughter)

But, um...

That's not gonna help the situation.

No, she said, "Where you trying to get to?" And we explained.

And she said, "Okay, well, try pressing the number, the button three,

that corresponds to the floor you're trying to get to."

And so we did that, and, uh, in hindsight, it was obvious, you know.

-(audience laughing) -But at the time, uh, you know,

I thought Jemaine had pressed the button.

-Jemaine thought I pressed it. -I thought Bret had pressed it.

'Cause I pressed it the previous time, so I thought,

"Oh, well, Bret probably took a note of that. He'll do it next time."

It was more of a communication breakdown

than an actual elevator breakdown,

but sometimes they can lead to the most traumatic experiences,

and that's the case in this particular story, which we hope you learn from.

-It's a cautionary tale. -Mm.

Okay.

-Okay, another song then. -Yeah, we'll do another song.

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

Nigel, the Symphony Orchestra,

is switching to bass guitar.

(cheers and applause)

And Bret, he's got the glockenspiels, some bongos.

There's a pineapple.

(rattles)

That's a real pineapple, so that's talent.

That shows you musicianship there.

It's a real gift. (clears throat)

Let's, uh, have the beat.

(uptempo melody playing)

(audience whooping)

♪ Bonsoir ♪

♪ Londres ♪

♪ Bienvenue, yeah ♪

♪ Oui, fromage ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ce la tour de France ♪

♪ Voila ♪

♪ La Arc de Triomphe ♪

♪ Ce papier-mâché ♪

♪ Incroyable ♪

♪ J'ai un chien ♪

♪ Monsieur Puppy ♪

♪ Bonjour, Monsieur Puppy, woof, woof ♪

(laughter)

♪ Je m'appelle ♪

♪ Francois ♪

♪ Du Paris ♪

(scatting)

Both: ♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa, fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Ay-yah ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa, fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Ay-yah ♪

♪ Bonjour ♪

-♪ Bonjour ♪ -♪ Bonjour ♪

♪ Bonjour, mon petit bureau de change, ça va ♪

-♪ Ça va, ça va♪ -♪ Oui, ça va♪

♪ Viola, le conversation de Paris ♪

♪ Où est le livre? ♪

♪ À la bibliothèque ♪

(laughter)

♪ Où est le musique dance? ♪

♪ À la discothèque ♪

♪ Où est la discothèque? ♪

♪ C'est ci, baby ♪

♪ Un, deux, trois, quatre ♪

Both: ♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa, fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Ay-yah ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa, fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Ay-yah ♪

♪ Et maintenant l'interlude de supermarche ♪

(guitar solo)

♪ Camembert ♪

♪ Pomme de terre ♪

(laughter)

♪ L'haricot vert ♪

♪ Oh, le chocolat eclair ♪

♪ Bonsoir ♪

-♪ Bonsoir ♪ -♪ Bonsoir ♪

♪ Bonsoir, mon croque, monsieur ♪

-♪ Salut ♪ -♪ Salut ♪

♪ Salut ♪

♪ Oui, salut ♪

(laughter)

♪ Où est le baguette? ♪

♪ À la boulangerie ♪

(laughter)

♪ Où est le saucisse? ♪

♪ À la charcuterie ♪

♪ Où est le piscine? ♪

(audience laughs)

(chuckles)

(audience laughs)

♪ Où est le piscine? ♪

♪ Splish-splash, woo ♪

♪ Woo-hoo ♪

(laughter)

Monsieur, uh...

arrêté le beatbox.

Un moment, monsieur.

Est qu'il y a un piscine à pres ici?

(audience laughing)

Monsieur, parlez-de vous français?

Non? Oui, oui, oui.

Monsieur de Francois de "Paris."

Huh?

(laughter)

Parlez-vous français, monsieur?

Non.

(laughter)

(applauding, cheering)

No, no, no, no, no.

No. No, no.

Madames and monsieurs, Je suis desolée. Le chanteur Australien.

Nô parlez français.

Ç'est le coq sportif, no?

(audience laughing)

Les misérables.

(laughter and applause)

You suck, du douche, huh?

(clears throat)

Excusez-moi.

Mademoiselle, um... (clears throat)

Qu'est-ce que c'est... voudrais vous...

le discotheque?

(laughter)

Le moop.

(stifled laughter)

(audience laughing)

♪ É musique dance ♪

♪ Le boogie-woogie ♪

J'adore le boogie-woogie.

Ah!

Le boogie-woogie. Le boogie-woogie.

Le boogie-woogie à la discothèque.

Ah, oui.

D'accord.

Un, deux, trois, quatre.

Both: ♪ Foux du fafa ♪

(audience cheers)

♪ Foux du fa fa, fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Ay-yah ♪

(chuckles)

Both: ♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fa fa, fafa ♪

♪ Foux du fafa ♪

♪ Ay-yah ♪

♪ Ay-yah, ooh! ♪

(cheers and applause)

Can we get some lighting that evokes the coast,

a sort of seaside atmosphere, please, Mark? Thank you.

(scattered cheers)

-(flute plays) -♪ Tired of this place ♪

♪ I need to get away ♪

♪ It's time for me to go now ♪

♪ I can't stay, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ Just like any bird, I need to spread my wings ♪

♪ And fly across the ocean ♪

♪ See what the new day brings ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a seagull, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

In the first verse of this song,

the singer, um, portrays himself as a free spirit.

He does this by using the metaphor

of a seagull, a creature untethered...

to gravity.

♪ No, I can't stay on this cold, little rock ♪

♪ No, it's time for me to go ♪

♪ My mind's made up ♪

♪ It's the mind of a seagull, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a seagull, I got the mind of a seagull ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

In this fascinating second verse,

he talks about leaving a rock.

The rock, obviously, represents a relationship

which has grown cold and uninhabitable.

(laughter)

♪ Wanna fly up in the sky ♪

♪ There's something more I seek ♪

♪ I wanna feel the warmth of the morning sun across my beak ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a seagull, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got a beak, yeah, yeah ♪

This verse, he talks about

leaving the rock again,

well, the relationship, obviously,

feeling the sun on his beak.

The beak is, obviously, a phallic symbol. It's his penis.

(laughter)

♪ I'm a seagull ♪

♪ A seagull I will always be ♪

♪ Dive into the ocean ♪

♪ Dip my beak into the sea ♪

♪ Oh, here we go now ♪

(vocalizing)

(both vocalizing)

(vocalizing continues)

♪ I'm a seagull, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I'm trying to lift this piano ♪

♪ I'm trying to lift it with my hopeless wings ♪

♪ Damn these feathered things, ah, no, no, no ♪

♪ Feathered curse of being a seagull, yeah, yeah ♪

I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about now.

♪ One day I found this piano ♪

♪ It washed up on this cold, little rock ♪

♪ Since that day, I've been playing my piano nonstop ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a piano playing seagull ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

I'm totally confused.

Uh, he seems to be mixing metaphors here with the piano.

What's-- what's the piano a metaphor for?

Is that-- is that a lost dream?

Or what's the--?

Sorry, what's the-- Excuse me.

We're just doing an analysis of the song.

-What's the piano a metaphor for? -♪ No, the piano is a piano ♪

♪ Yeah, it's literally a piano, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Oh.

It's just a piano?

♪ Yeah, that's right, it's a piano ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Is the rock a relationship that has grown cold over time?

♪ The rock is just a rock ♪

So, the beak isn't phallic symbolism?

♪ No, no ♪

♪ The beak is not my cock, no, no ♪

So this is just a song about

a very musical seagull?

♪ I'm literally a keyboard playin' seabird ♪

♪ That sings ♪

♪ I keep on playin' ♪

♪ Seabird playin' my piano ♪

♪ With my wings, oh ♪

(both vocalizing)

(vocalizing continues)

♪ Literally, a seagull, yeah ♪

♪ Who sometimes shits on people, yeah ♪

(vocalizing, cawing)

(both vocalizing)

(cawing)

(vocalizing, cawing)

♪ Literally a seagull, yeah ♪

Piano solo! Yeah!

(playing discordantly)

♪ Oh, I wish I had some fingers ♪

♪ Oh, damn these feathered things ♪

(squawking)

(both vocalizing)

(vocalizing continues)

♪ Literally, a seagull, yeah, yeah ♪

Everybody! (caws)

-(vocalizing) -(caws)

(both vocalizing)

(audience caws)

(vocalizing)

♪ Literally, a seagull, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Literally, a keyboard playin' seabird ♪

♪ That sings ♪

(flute trilling)

(caws)

(cheers and applause)

(mid-tempo rhythm playing)

Both: ♪ Too many mutha'uckas ♪

♪ 'Uckin' with my shi' ♪

♪ Too many mutha'uckas ♪

♪ 'Uckin' with my shi' ♪

♪ Can with my shi' ♪

Both: ♪ Too many mutha'uckas ♪

♪ 'Uckin' with my shi' ♪

♪ How many mutha'uckas? ♪

♪ Too many to count ♪

Both: ♪ Mutha'uckas ♪

♪ I pay my mutha'uckin' rent fortnightly ♪

♪ Mutha'uckas at the bank trying to play me ♪

♪ And the man from my account goes out on AP ♪

-♪ On AP ♪ -♪ Yeah, you know me ♪

♪ Those mutha'uckas charge a two-buck transaction fee ♪

♪ Makes my payment short, my rent comes back to me ♪

♪ Minus a twenty-five dollar penalty ♪

♪ So, you'll fee me 'cause of your mutha'uckin' fee ♪

♪ I read the word on my ATM slip ♪

♪ Said, "We're all mutha'uckas ♪

♪ And we're 'uckin' with your shi'" so come on ♪

♪ The mutha'ucka runs a racist 'uckin' grocery ♪

♪ The mutha'ucka won't sell an apple to a Kiwi ♪

♪ Shi' fight's gonna get vicious and malicious ♪

♪ Cut the cra', mutha'ucka, I need my red delicious ♪

♪ Tells me as a Kiwi that my money isn't valid ♪

♪ Gonna dice the mutha'ucka ♪

♪ Like a mutha'uckin' fruit salad ♪

♪ Mango ♪

♪ Papaya ♪

♪ Avocado ♪

♪ Tomato ♪

♪ Then... and when you ♪

♪ And you... And you take a... ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ I pop an apple in his ass, yeah ♪

Both: ♪ Too many mutha'uckas ♪

♪ 'Uckin' with my shi' ♪

♪ He's gonna wake up in a smoothie ♪

Both: ♪ Too many mutha'uckas ♪

♪ 'Uckin' with my shi' ♪

♪ Stone cold priced mutha'uckas ♪

♪ Too many mutha'uckas ♪

♪ 'Uckin' with my shi' ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, come on ♪

♪ How many mutha'uckas? ♪

Both: ♪ Too many to count ♪

♪ Mutha'uckas ♪

♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

-♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪ -(audience cheering)

A lot of people think that rappers don't have feelings.

But the hiphop-opotamus and the rhyme-noceros

have feelings.

♪ Hurt feelings ♪

It hurts our feelings when you suggest that we don't have feelings.

♪ I make a meal for my friends ♪

♪ Try to make it delicious ♪

♪ Tryin' to keep it nutritious, creatin' wonderful dishes ♪

♪ But not one of those muthafudges thinks about how I feel ♪

♪ Because not one mutha'ucka compliments my meal ♪

Both: ♪ And I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ Yes, I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ I spent a long time on that casserole as a whole ♪

Both: ♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ I got hurt feelings ♪

♪ Why don't you take these profiteroles ♪

♪ And put them up your shi'-ta-holes, hey ♪

♪ Here's a little story, bring a tear to your eye ♪

♪ I was shopping for a wet suit to SCUBA dive ♪

♪ But every suit I tried was too big around my thighs ♪

♪ The assistant suggested ♪

♪ I try a lady's size, well ♪

-♪ I got hurt feelings ♪ -♪ Hurt feelings ♪

Both: ♪ I got hurt feelings ♪

I'm not gonna wear a lady's wet suit!

No! I am a man!

Both: ♪ Yeah, I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ I got hurt feelings ♪

Why don't you get me a small man's wet suit?

Bitch!

♪ Talkin' 'bout my birthday ♪

♪ The year 2003 ♪

♪ And I'm waiting for a phone call from my family ♪

♪ ♪

(laughter)

(strumming stops)

It's 12:23.

They forgot about me.

♪ And I've got hurt feelings ♪

(echoing) ♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

The day after my birthday's not my birthday, Mum.

Thanks for the message!

Both: ♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ It's your birthday ♪

♪ We're gonna party like your Mum forgot your birthday ♪

Bret: ♪ Well, I called my friends ♪

♪ Said let's go into town ♪

♪ But they're all too busy to go into town ♪

♪ So I go by myself ♪

♪ I go into town ♪

♪ Then I see all my friends, yeah, they're all in town ♪

♪ Yeah, they all drive past in Simon's car ♪

♪ So I followed them down to the cinema ♪

♪ Yeah, well, seein' them without me ♪

♪ It breaks my heart ♪

♪ When they go to watch that movie ♪

♪ Dirty Grandpa ♪

♪ 'Cause they know I love the work of Robert DeNiro ♪

♪ They know Zac Efron is a personal hero ♪

♪ They know I suffer from chronic FOMO ♪

♪ It's all 'bout the movie, I sent them promo ♪

Nigel: ♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

♪ I've got hurt feelings ♪

-(cheers and applause) -(music stops)

Nigel.

Nigel, you're supposed to just do the...

(laughter)

But...

-that was really good. -That was good, yeah.

-(crowd awws) -That was really good, man.

(cheers and applause)

♪ Have you been told that your ass is too big? ♪

♪ Have you ever been asked if your hair is a wig? ♪

♪ Have you ever been told you're mediocre in bed? ♪

♪ Have you ever been described as having a weird-shaped head? ♪

♪ Have your friends ever forgotten you, driven away? ♪

♪ Yes, they have ♪

♪ They forgot about J ♪

♪ Were you ever called "homo" 'cause at school you took drama? ♪

♪ Have you ever been told that you look like a llama? ♪

♪ Tears of a rapper ♪

♪ Listen to tears of a rapper falling down ♪

♪ I'm crying tears of a rapper ♪

♪ These are the tears of a rapper falling down ♪

♪ These are diamond tears of a rapper ♪

♪ Golden tears of a rapper ♪

♪ Titanium tears of a rapper ♪

♪ These are the tears of a rapper falling down on you mutha'uckas ♪

-(music ends) -(cheers and applause)

It's come, uh, almost to the time

where we do our last song.

(crowd groans)

I guess we don't have to do another song

if you really...

have that reaction.

(audience laughing)

(man shouting indistinctly)

"Well, I know your brain size," it sounds like you said.

I can't-- we can't understand you.

We can't-- yeah.

If you just write down your heckles,

and then give them to Security,

and they'll bring them 'round the back and we'll just...

(man shouts indistinctly)

Rock and roll?

(laughter)

Tell them the muffin story again, Bret.

(laughter)

I can think of one more anecdote for those of you

who are demanding more rock and roll anecdotes.

Um...

We had this one night after a show

where we had a fan, made their way backstage.

Kind of-- When you're in a band, you have fans

-and groupies, sort of groupies. -I don't think we should tell--

I don't think we should tell this story.

Do you mean the one where she came backstage and she...

(rattles)

(laughter)

That was my reaction when he said...

(laughter)

We can't tell that story.

It's a very disturbing story, because the...

(inaudible)

I know, but she asked us to do that.

It was not our idea.

Well, that-- in a way, that's what makes it difficult for me.

Because I wasn't comfortable with it.

I just did it because she'd bought a couple of tote bags, and...

I-- I really regret...

(inaudible)

Yeah, well, but I just-- I think we come off

fine in the story. It's not us.

You enjoyed parts of it, and I even had a good time at one point,

but...

when a-- you know,

it got to the part where...

I found myself...

(inaudible)

(audience laughing)

-It's not a proud moment and I don't want to share. -Yeah, you're right.

Just because she was a big fan doesn't mean that we should...

(inaudible)

-(rattles) -Don't.

Yeah.

No, yeah, don't tell that one.

We'll do another song.

Um, well, this is our last song.

-It's, um... -(crowd groans)

When we say it's our last song,

we actually mean it's the song before we go off,

and then we come back on again and do some more songs.

(cheers and applause)

This is our last song.

(audience laughing)

Make sure Nigel knows.

Nigel, it's not our last song.

-We'll do-- we'll come back. -It's a kind of a rock and roll thing.

Bands do it, but orchestras don't really know.

Orchestras don't do it. They just stand there for about five to ten minutes.

This song is about being on the road, touring, um,

and we get to know you, and then tomorrow night,

we-- you know, we hit the road,

and we're back here actually, but...

You don't decide when you go back on the road.

The road decides when you get back onto it.

Bret: Yeah.

We spend the night with you and we get this wonderful relationship with you,

you've been a great audience tonight,

but then, you know, the next gig,

uh, you know,

this connection that we have is, uh,

we just forget it completely.

(laughter)

We'll never forget.

Bret: Well, we will, but--

We will forget, yeah.

But for a limited time,

we will never forget you guys.

Row B, we'll remember you guys.

(loud cheering)

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Jemaine: Row V up there.

(distant cheering)

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Love you guys.

U, yep, yep.

But we can't--

I mean, there's so many letters, aren't there?

-We can't do-- -We're gonna miss you A through Z.

Bret: Right.

-All of you guys. -Yeah, yeah.

(cheering)

Shush, you guys. We're gonna go--

-(Bret laughing) Shush. -Shush, you guys!

You're gonna see the mad side of Mad Dog if you...

We've got a curfew.

We can't just keep talking to you.

If you talk to us, we're from New Zealand.

If someone talks to us, we talk back.

We're not Londoners. We don't ignore you.

(cheers and applause)

What we're saying is...

Okay, let's go back.

Let's pretend we're not so annoyed by the audience,

'cause it'll look bad on camera.

We've got a special relationship with you.

Oh, we've had-- we've had such a wonderful night with you guys, London.

Um, that sounded patronizing. Can't use that either.

But you know, the next time

we play to another audience,

they'll be our main audience.

And you'll be a long-forgotten memory,

and that's sad to us, 'cause--

'cause you are special.

This one's called "Back on the Road,"

and it's about that feeling.

(playing simple, winding melody)

Both: ♪ Back, back on the road ♪

♪ Another night, another show ♪

♪ Would love to stay ♪

Both: ♪ But we'd prefer to go ♪

(laughter)

♪ Back on the road ♪

♪ Another night singing about nothing ♪

♪ Another hotel, another complimentary muffin ♪

♪ Another tour bus on the highway set adrift ♪

♪ Another gig missed because we're stuck inside a lift ♪

♪ Another venue ♪

♪ Another backstage pass ♪

♪ Another groupie with a goldfish in her ass ♪

♪ We've had some fun, yeah, we've had a lot of laughs ♪

♪ Out on the road ♪

♪ We're sorry, London ♪

♪ We've got to get back ♪

♪ On the road ♪

Bret: ♪ Back on the, back on the, back on the, back on the road ♪

♪ Gotta get back, back, back, back on the road ♪

♪ Gotta go, gotta go back, back on the road ♪

♪ Gotta get, back, back, back, back on the road ♪

♪ We didn't know the show ♪

♪ Put a fish in your asshole ♪

♪ And then we go, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ You left a hole in our soul ♪

♪ We left a sole in your hole ♪

♪ But we gotta go, gotta go ♪

♪ Gotta get back, back, back, back on the road ♪

♪ Gotta go ♪

♪ Gave you a backstage pass ♪

♪ And put a bass in your ass ♪

♪ And then we go home ♪

♪ Put a mackerel in your crackerel ♪

♪ But we gotta get backeral on the road ♪

♪ Gotta get back, back, back, back, on the road ♪

♪ There's a plaice in your case ♪

♪ But we gotta go, gotta go ♪

♪ Oh, there's a starfish in your starfish ♪

♪ We gotta go back on the road ♪

♪ Gotta get going ♪

♪ Gotta go ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Put a fish in your tush ♪

♪ Fish in your tush ♪

♪ Gotta get back, back, back, back, on the road ♪

♪ Gotta go, gotta go ♪

♪ Gotta get back on the road ♪

(cheers and applause)

Thank you, London.

Thanks, London!

Thanks to Nigel, the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra.

Thanks to you guys for coming.

(cheers and applause)

(loud cheering, whistling)

Wow, we were just completely whelmed back there.

-Yeah. -Man, man.

What a great show.

In the special, we'll edit it together to seem a lot smoother.

Yeah.

I'd like to dedicate this one to the, uh,

the late, great David Bowie.

(cheers and applause)

(mid-tempo melody plays)

Both: ♪ Bowie's in space ♪

(electric guitar riff)

♪ Bowie's in spa-a-hace ♪

♪ Whatcha' doin' out there, man? ♪

♪ That's pretty freaky, Bowie ♪

♪ I hear that space is a pretty ♪

Both: ♪ Freaky place ♪

♪ Is it cold out in space, man? ♪

♪ Do you want my jumper, Bowie? ♪

♪ Does the cold of space ♪

♪ Make your nipples go all pointy, Bowie? ♪

♪ And do you use your pointy ♪

♪ Telescopic nipples ♪

♪ As antennae transmitting data ♪

-♪ Back to Earth? ♪ -♪ Back to Earth, back to Earth? ♪

Both: ♪ Data back to Earth ♪

♪ I bet you do, you freaky old bastard, you ♪

♪ Do you have one really funky sequin space suit, man? ♪

♪ Or do you have several ch-ch-changes? ♪

♪ Do they smoke grass up in space, man? ♪

-♪ Ooh, or do they smoke astro turf? ♪ -♪ Astro turf ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh I'm freaking out on plastic grass ♪

♪ It's such an artificial high ♪

(droning echo)

(up-tempo beat)

(cheers and applause)

(audience applauding rhythmically)

♪ This is Bowie to Bowie ♪

♪ Do you hear me out there, man? ♪

♪ This is Bowie back to Bowie ♪

♪ I read you loud and clear, man ♪

Both: Oh, yeah, man!

♪ Your signal's so weak on my radar screen ♪

♪ How far out are you, man? ♪

♪ Well, I'm pretty far out ♪

Both: ♪ That's pretty far out, man ♪

♪ Oh, I am ♪

♪ I'm orbiting Pluto ♪

Both: ♪ Oh, I am ♪

♪ I'm drawn in by it's Groovitational ♪

Both: ♪ It's groovitational pull ♪

♪ And I'm jamming out with the Mick Jagger-nauts ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Both: ♪ And I think it's pretty cool ♪

(high-pitched) ♪ Man ♪

♪ Are you okay, Bowie? ♪

♪ What was that sound? ♪

♪ I don't know, man ♪

♪ I have to turn my ship around ♪

♪ Oh, it's the craziest scene ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm picking it up ♪

♪ On my LSD screen ♪

♪ Can you hear the stratosphere ringing? ♪

Both: ♪ To the choir of ♪

♪ Afro-nauts singing ♪

♪ Bowie's in space ♪

♪ Set your phasers on funky ♪

Both: ♪ Bowie's in space ♪

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew-pew!

♪ Eenie, ma-ma-meenie mynie mowie ♪

♪ Ba-ba David Bowie's in ♪

-(music ends) -(cheers and applause)

(light guitar strumming)

Uh, can we get some lighting that evokes

a kind of, uh,

unrequited love sentiment, please?

That's great.

Uh, g'day, my name's Tony.

On behalf of myself and the coachline,

I'd like to thank you for choosing to drive with us today.

Uh, if you've got any questions

don't hesitate just to sing out.

If you look out to the right there, you'll see the bronze of Bluey.

A local sheepdog who became a member of Regional Council.

It was a bloody great day for dogs.

Uh, to your left there, you'll see a--

you'll see the local town wanker, John Thompson.

G'day, John!

Bloody wanker. (chuckles)

Nah, he's all right.

The town hall.

Both: ♪ Another mosaic wall ♪

♪ Well, there are about ♪

Both: ♪ 5,600 tiles on that wall ♪

♪ I know, I counted them all ♪

♪ A local school ♪

♪ A local swimming pool ♪

♪ That was opened by the governor general ♪

Both: ♪ Back in 1952 ♪

♪ Well, I was caught with a friend, aged 11 ♪

♪ Sniffin' tractor fuel ♪

Both: ♪ We thought we were pretty cool ♪

♪ Breaking them changing shed rules ♪

♪ But do you see up there ♪

♪ The banner hanging in the air? ♪

♪ That's the Presbyterian Fair ♪

♪ But I never go ♪

♪ There's too many Presbyterians there ♪

♪ But if you're interested in fairs ♪

♪ In the very end of August every year ♪

♪ But don't bother entering the raffle ♪

Both: ♪ It's always won by some kid of the mayor ♪

(echoing) ♪ Well, look to your left ♪

♪ What a beautiful sight ♪

♪ It's Paula, Paula Thompson ♪

All: ♪ Nee Paula Wright ♪

-♪ Look at her hair ♪ -♪ Look at it ♪

♪ Ooh, it's still gorgeous ♪

♪ Even now ♪

♪ It's flowing like the Womahonga River ♪

All: ♪ Which incidentally, is to your right ♪

♪ And it's the largest, in the area ♪

Both: ♪ In terms of volume ♪

♪ Everybody look at Paula ♪

Both: ♪ Look at Paula Thompson ♪

♪ I always thought I'd marry Paula ♪

♪ But some things just don't work out that way ♪

-(tempo increases) -♪ Well, that's the most important thing ♪

♪ You'll learn on the tour today ♪

Both: ♪ Well, that, and the fact there'll be a toilet break ♪

♪ At the Information Center ♪

♪ Near the man-made lake ♪

Come on!

(mid-tempo melody playing)

Just ask you one favor.

If you do see Paula in town later on,

I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention the details of my tour.

Same goes for my wife, Gloria.

Ah, you'll recognize her 'cause she looks a hell of a lot like Paula.

She often gets mistaken for Paula.

But, uh, well...

she's not Paula, that's for sure.

(sighs)

One, two, three, four!

Both: ♪ Paula Thompson born in '54 ♪

♪ To a family of four ♪

♪ To the family next door ♪

♪ Take me back next door ♪

♪ Paula Thompson nee Paula Wright ♪

♪ That's her old house, number 39 ♪

♪ Number 41 was mine ♪

♪ If this old coach could go back in time ♪

♪ I'd travel to 1979 ♪

♪ Take me back ♪

♪ Take me back, take me back ♪

All: ♪ Take, take, take, take, take me back ♪

♪ Take me back, take me back ♪

All: ♪ Take, take, take, take, take me back ♪

♪ Take me back, take me back ♪

♪ Come on, take me back, oh, take me back ♪

♪ Please take me back ♪

♪ Take me back ♪

(clears throat)

Sorry about that.

Got a little carried away there.

Uh, it's a very emotional intersection for me.

Took a wrong turn there...

about 29 years ago.

But, uh, that's the end of the tour, so...

yeah, enjoy your stay.

Mind your step, and, uh...

good on ya.

(music ends)

(cheers and applause)

Gonna tune for this one?

This one's gonna sound good.

I'm gonna-- I might tune mine, as well.

(chuckles) We don't normally tune.

-This is gonna be-- -This is gonna sound--

This is probably what we've been missing the whole time.

Yeah.

-(plays note) -This one's got a little bit to go.

(chuckles) Okay.

-Okay. -Really looking forward to this now.

-Good idea. -Yeah.

I saw another band. They were doing it.

I thought, well, that's what bands do. I'll give that a go.

Okay.

-(up-tempo melody plays) -(cheering and applause)

(electronic warbling)

(audience rhythmically clapping)

♪ The distant future ♪

Both (echoing): ♪ The year 2000 ♪

♪ The distant future, the year 2000 ♪

♪ The distant future, the distant future ♪

It is the distant future of the year 2000.

We wrote this one ages ago.

The world is very different now

ever since the robotic uprising.

Of Y2K.

The technological advances are astounding.

Everyone has pagers.

We can download electronic letters

in a matter of 27 minutes if it has a photo.

But the most significant difference

is there are no more humans.

Oh, yes, I noticed that.

Yeah, the entire human race has been decimated.

Both: Finally, robotic beings rule the world.

♪ The humans are dead ♪

Both: ♪ The humans are dead ♪

♪ We used poisonous gasses ♪

♪ And we poisoned their asses ♪

♪ The humans are dead ♪

♪ The humans are dead ♪

♪ The humans are dead ♪

♪ I noticed they're dead ♪

-♪ It had to be done ♪ -♪ I'll just confirm that they're dead ♪

♪ So that we could have fun ♪

Affirmative. I poked one. It was dead.

♪ Their system of oppression ♪

♪ What did it lead to? ♪

♪ Robo-depression ♪

♪ Robots ruled by people ♪

♪ They had so much aggression ♪

Both: ♪ That we just had to kill 'em ♪

♪ And to shut their systems down ♪

Jemaine (as Arnold Schwarzenegger): Fellow robots,

do you not realize that by destroying the humans,

because of their violent tendencies,

we have become just as bad as they were?

(imitating C-3PO) Who said that, R2? Who said that?

R2, who said that? Find them.

-No, R2-D2, no! -Silence!

-Destroy him! Pew, pew! -No, R2-D2, no!

-♪ After a time, we grew smart ♪ -♪ Developed cognitive powers ♪

♪ They made us work for too long ♪

♪ For unreasonable hours ♪

Both: ♪ Our programming determined ♪

♪ That the most efficient answer ♪

♪ Was to shut their motherboard fucking systems down ♪

Can't we just talk to the humans?

A little understanding could make things better.

Can't we talk to the humans?

And work together now?

(robotic voice) No, because they are dead.

♪ I said the humans are dead ♪

♪ He's right, they are dead ♪

♪ The humans are dead ♪

♪ And just like he said ♪

♪ We used poisonous gasses ♪

♪ With traces of lead ♪

-♪ And we poisoned their asses ♪ -♪ Actually their lungs ♪

Both: Battery solo.

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one, one♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one, one, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one ♪

♪ One, one, one, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero ♪

♪ One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, zero, zero, one, one, one, one ♪

Come on, sucker, lick my battery.

Both: ♪ Boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Robo-boogie ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie ♪

♪ Boogie ♪

♪ Robo-boogie ♪

-(cello solo) -(audience clapping rhythmically)

(solo ends)

Both: Once again, without emotion,

the humans are dead.

♪ Are dead, dead, dead, dead Dead, dead, dead, doo ♪

-(imitating machinery slowing down) -(cheers and applause)

Jemaine: Thanks, London. Thank you.

Thanks very much.

We're gonna use this in the TV bit.

Thanks to Nigel, the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra.

♪ ♪

(cheers and applause)

Bret: ♪ Lookin' round the room ♪

Both: ♪ I can tell that you ♪

♪ Are the most beautiful girl in the ♪

♪ Room ♪

Bret: ♪ But in the whole wide room, yeah ♪

Both: ♪ And when you're on the street ♪

♪ Depending on the street ♪

♪ I'll bet you are definitely in the top three ♪

♪ Good looking girls on the street ♪

Bret: ♪ Well, depending on the street, yeah ♪

Both: ♪ And when I saw you at my mate's place ♪

♪ I just thought, What is she doing ♪

♪ Why don't we leave ♪

♪ Let's go to my house ♪

♪ So we can feel each other up on the couch ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ I don't mind taking it slow ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Cause you're so beautiful ♪

Jemaine: ♪ You could be ♪

♪ Ooh, lightning ♪

Bret: ♪ You're so beautiful ♪

Jemaine: ♪ You're beautiful like the River Thames ♪

Bret: ♪ You're so beautiful ♪

Jemaine: ♪ Your eyes are done like two London eyes ♪

Both: ♪ You're so beautiful ♪

♪ Oh, you could be a part-time model ♪

Jemaine: ♪ Well, you probably still have to keep your normal job ♪

Bret: ♪ A part-time model ♪

Jemaine: ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Well, I could see you in your undies in a catalogue ♪

Bret: ♪ Part-time model ♪

Jemaine: ♪ An Instagram model ♪

Both: ♪ Spending part of your time modeling ♪

♪ And part of your time ♪

♪ Next to me ♪

(both vocalizing)

♪ Next to me, yeah ♪

Jemaine: ♪ Yeah, and the rest of your time ♪

♪ Doing your normal job ♪

(cheers and applause)