Original subtitles

- Last night...

Eric Colby went overboard.

I know we're all far from our home cities,

but here on The Odyssey, you are never alone.

- It led me to reevaluate my life,

and it inspired me to make a bucket list.

And the first thing on it was to see the world,

and that's why I took this job.

- What else is on that bucket list?

- Bucket list item number five... - [ Laughs ]

- ...have a three way.

♪

[ Distant laughter, whooping ]

[ Indistinct radio chatter ]

- Leaner than a bear,

muscular, with some body hair.

What am I? - Okay.

D-Don't tell me. I, uh--

An otter. - Wolf.

- Ooh. - Lean and muscular is the key.

- Wolf. Damn it.

- Ah, you're doing great.

- Not great enough.

Tomorrow this ship gets commandeered

by several hundred gay men.

And whoever comes aboard this ship,

I better know the language. Next card.

- Ah, so... this is what Max is.

- What? - Easy one.

Daddy. - What? No.

- Ding, ding, ding. - No. I am not a daddy.

- What do you think you are, then, Max?

- I don't know, a jock? Is that a thing?

- Oh, it's a thing. I'm just not sure it's a you thing.

You know what I mean? - Oh, well, excuse me.

What are you cool kids, then?

- Uh, masc. - Femme.

- Twink? - Twunk.

- Silver fox.

Relax. Daddies are in.

They're having a moment, as the kids say.

[ Laughter ]

- Cap's little brother is a daddy.

- Yeah. You're all gonna meet Craig tomorrow.

He and his new beau are coming aboard.

- Oh, the lifelong bachelor has finally met someone, huh?

- That's the word on the waves.

I am so damn proud of him.

God, what that guy has been through.

I mean, against all odds, he's--

My little Craig has landed on his feet,

sober 15 years and happily partnered.

And who knows what's next?

The pitter-patter of little feet?

[ All chuckle ]

All right, back to business.

Less than 12 hours before we embark.

- Okay, Cap, for all the marbles,

Define Mother.

♪

- Mother--

a queen who has style and grace and elegance

and serves the house down boots, Mama.

[ All cheering ] - Let's go, baby!

- Yeah. That's right.

You heard it here. - He's a killer.

- You heard it here.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

- Hey.

♪

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

- Is this what it's always like for you?

All the staring and winking.

It feels very-- - Invasive.

- Amazing. I was gonna say amazing.

- Hello. - Hi, there. Welcome to Gay Week.

- POV-- you're having your first drink on The Odyssey.

It's giving cruising.

- Oh, it is giving cruising, all right.

Ahoy, Daddy!

- Oh, did you hear what he just called you?

- Mnh-mnh. - Mm, da-da-da-da-da-

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daddy.

- Nope.

♪

- Why don't we do this every week?

♪

- Honk, honk, mother tuckers.

Marsha D'Penguins is here. [march of the]

Charmed. Oh.

♪

Ahoy, Capitán. Ooh!

Look at you, serving all this Naval realness.

- [ Laughs ] Marsha, my God.

Don't you look stunning.

Oh, but, listen, um, could you keep it down? Not so loud.

- Not so loud?

Baby, loud and proud is the only way I roll, okay, girl?

[ Cheers and applause ] Yes! Yes.

- I get it. But listen,

I booked you as a surprise for my brother.

You're his favorite queen.

So if you could just keep it down a little bit

until the show tonight, on the down low.

- Okay. I get it. Quiet.

Discreet. - Yeah.

- Kind of reminds me of high school.

[ Chuckles ] All right, I got you, bro.

- Okay. Thank you. - Of course.

Wow.

Thank you.

- Two Massey boys under one roof.

That must have been an epic sibling rivalry.

- Well, actually, it wasn't like that.

You know, Craig is 10 years my junior.

Our mom wasn't around, and I-- My dad worked nights,

so I basically ended up raising the kid on my own.

- Wow, that's tough.

- It was tough. Kid was a pain in the ass.

But, you know, somehow, through it all,

and quite by accident, we became best friends.

I introduced him to Schwarzenegger.

He introduced me to Streisand.

I wanted to give him my old G.I. Joes. He wanted Barbies.

You know, after a while, Max, I just--

I said what the hell. Go with the flow, man.

- I guess it's all just shiny plastic at the end of the day.

- That it is.

♪

- A gay cruise?

No, no, no, no, let me pull up the booking.

This is not right.

- You know, I thought there seemed

to be an unusually high concentration of mustaches.

- Uh-huh. Right here on the website.

"Splash, a playful week for those expecting."

See? "Love and acceptance,

fun in the sun, and buns, buns, buns."

Expecting, bun.

- It's actually one sentence-- "a playful week

for those expecting love and acceptance,

fun in the sun, and--"

- Buns, buns, buns! Whoo!

- Okay, but the events on the itinerary

are clearly for parents.

Uh, a daddies-only cardio class?

- Yeah, this yoga class is called Werk, Mama.

- Yeah, no, it's pronounced, "work, muh-Maw."

I am so sorry for the confusion.

You're, of course, welcome to stay,

or I'm happy to offer you a refund.

- I think, honestly, this just isn't for us.

- Kacey, babe--

- Don't tell me you want to stay.

- In less than a month, our lives will belong to her.

And I can't wait for that day,

but this vacation will be the last child-free experience

that we get for the next 18 years.

The next time that we'll have this kind of freedom,

it'll be...2042.

♪

- We will stay.

But we want an upgrade, a-a suite with a... balcony.

I don't want to go full Karen,

but as the only pregnant person on this ship, we need it.

- Yes, the views are very important,

for pregnancy reasons.

- Let me see what I can do.

♪

- Skipper.

- Oh, my God. Look who's here.

What? Call security. Who let these beggars in here?

- Yeah, like they're gonna take orders

from your sorry hillbilly ass.

- Oh, my. - When's the mutiny?

- Oh, well, any day now.

- Happy to see you, Robby.

- You, too, Craig. Welcome.

Oh, this is Avery, our nurse practitioner.

- How are you? Hi. - Hi.

- And you must be the famous Brian.

- Ah, almost famous. [ Chuckles ]

- Brave man.

It's a hell of a job taking care of this one.

- And a thankless one, but somebody's got to do it.

- Better you than me.

I'm honored to meet my brother's better half

and clearly his better-looking half.

- Ha. Well, not quite half.

- Hello, boys.

Hi. I know we're excited, but look what we forgot in the taxi.

- Traveling with an assistant? That's awesome.

- What would I do without you? - Mm.

- You would burn like a sun-dried tomato.

SPF. I want it on before we hit the pool deck.

Both of you. Hi.

- Riley is, uh, not our assistant.

He's our third.

- [ Chuckles ] Nice to meet you.

♪

- [ Chuckles ]

Welcome, welcome.

The more, the merrier.

Apparently.

- He's our little rebel.

- Oh, I read in Conde Nast

there's a seafood buffet that has five stars.

That's got to be a mistake, right?

The only thing that has five stars

is the Costco food court. [ Laughter ]

- Well, the lobster tails are this way.

And I'll let you make up your own mind

about how they stack up against those famous hot dogs.

♪

- Oh, good. You're here. I just wanted to double check.

Have you, uh, stocked up on plenty of PrEP?

- Yep. - Good. And doxy PEP?

- Mm-hmm. - Also, um, extra penicillin

and vitamin drips. - Yep.

- I want the cruisers this week

to have a smooth ride.

- Check, check, and check.

May I make an observation?

- Of course.

- You were awfully cool back there

with the whole throuple thing.

A lot of people over the age of 40

struggle with this new fluidity, the new freedom, new rules.

And you didn't. You were loving and accepting,

and that's pretty cool.

- Thank you. I try.

You know, I mean, I-I really do try.

Do I understand the pronouns of these young people these days?

Hell no. But I'm willing to learn.

I'm open. I give respect and my undivided attention

to two things-- the sea and the human condition.

And what my brother means to me--

- Don't make me cry, Captain.

This mascara isn't waterproof. - [ Chuckles ]

Well, if I'm being honest,

I mean, I raised him 'cause I was older,

but truth of the matter is,

he was my teacher.

He expanded my horizons.

He taught me how to love unconditionally.

But before he got sober? Oh, God.

It was a nightmare. I mean, I had sleepless nights.

I didn't know whether he was gonna live the week or OD

or die in an accident and...

♪

...somehow,

He survived and thrived.

And he's here and happy.

And that's the gift.

Now, do I completely understand this polyamory business?

Hell no. But I love my brother,

and I'm-- I'm open to learn.

- You know, the idea of multiple partners has been around

since people have had relationships.

It works for some.

♪

- Yes, my brother, the throuple...

does beg the question, doesn't it?

- Which is?

- That deep human condition question--

Can all of my needs be met by one person?

♪

Good talk.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Kacey clears throat, sighs ]

♪

- So, uh, what-- what do you guys do?

- This. - This.

- We're travel gays.

- We're The Marks.

♪

On TikTok?

- Oh!

Wow. That must be so cool,

you know, seeing all those places, eating all the foods.

- We don't really eat the food.

- We'd get fat. We always bring our own.

Can we borrow yours for a picture, though?

- Oh! S-- Yeah, sure.

- I still see your elbow. - Come here.

We can watch from here. - Sorry.

- And that, my friends, is the exact moment

that I found out that a cat is not just a pet,

but also a great character witness.

- And that jello's not just a liquid, but a substance.

- Right, and soft touch in sports is--

has nothing to do with my feelings.

[ Laughs, speaks indistinctly ]

- So that's where you guys all met, is, um, playing volleyball?

- Yeah, we-- we did. We, uh-- It was a gay and lesbian

volleyball, was it league or team or something?

- Yes, volleyball league. We were-- Our team was terrible.

The girls crushed us every time.

It was a nice way to hang out with people sober, you know?

- And then Brian and I met in AA,

and we made eyes at each other for a whole year.

And no boyfriends in the first year of AA.

But once I got my year token, you know, I called him.

But of course, like most handsome gay men,

he was already spoken for. - [ Laughs ]

Then we-- Then he came over to our house.

We invited him over to the house one night, and we cooked--

I made, uh, Mom's chicken pot pie, which he loved.

And he made-- You made, uh, this fruit--

It's like Truman Capote or something, right?

- Compote. - Compote?

- Compote. - "Compost."

And-- But it's good. And we just-- We stayed up all night

and laughed. We just laughed,

and we-- we found we had so much in common, all three of us,

that it was just-- It was like we had just, like,

immediate, like, eclectic energy together.

- Yeah, It's-- It's nontraditional.

- Yeah. - Untraditional. But, you know,

the gays have already rewritten the relationship rulebook.

- Yeah, so we thought we'd just-- we-- we thought

that we'd just make a tiny, little edit.

[ All chuckle ]

Right? - Yeah.

- Hey, Craig, you haven't been drinking, have you?

- Ser-Seriously, you're asking me if I'm drinking?

- Yeah, seriously. I mean, you seem, like--

- Happy? I seem happy?

Like I'm having a nice time? This-- We're on a cruise.

Isn't that what you're supposed to do on a cruise?

Rob, I have not compromised my sobriety.

I've worked very hard. - Great.

- Right? - Good.

- I know. Not being judgmental. I'm just-- just asking.

- Well, it seems-- It seems a little judgmental.

I know what this is. This-- He used to do this as a kid.

Y-You don't--You don't approve of my new love situation.

Is that it? And this is his way of-- of, grr, getting me back.

It's a very passive-aggressive move

that he's done our whole life.

- Babe, babe, he seems cool with it. - What, what?

- He seems really cool with it. It's actually inspiring

how cool he's being with it. - Really?

- Yes. - I'm not inspired.

I know-- I know-- I know what he does, this--

Rob, I haven't had a drink in 15 years!

And tonight, it isn't any different tonight.

[ Lights bang ] - Okay.

- ♪ 5, 6, 5, 6, 7, 8

- Now, they asked for a show.

They didn't know they were gonna get a show.

- Marsha? You got me Marsha?

[ Cheers and applause ]

Marsha.

- [ Lip-syncing ] - ♪ I could be the one, or your new addiction ♪

♪ It's all in my head, but I want non-fiction ♪

♪ I don't want the world, but I'll take this city ♪

♪ Who can blame a girl? Call me hot, not pretty ♪

♪ Baby, do you like this beat?

♪ I made it so you'd dance with me ♪

♪ It's like a hundred ninety-nine degrees ♪

♪ When you're doing it with me, doing it with me ♪

♪ H-O-T T-O G-O, snap and clap and touch your toes ♪

- Rob!

- ♪ Raise your hands, now body roll ♪

♪ Dance it out, you're hot to go ♪

♪ H-O-T T-O G-O, snap and clap and touch your toes ♪

♪ Raise your hands, now body roll, H-O-T T-O G-O ♪

- Honey, I think you're supposed to give her some money.

- Oh, uh, yeah, uh--

- ♪ You can take me hot to go

- $20? - ♪ H-O-T T-O G-O

- ♪ You can take me hot to go

♪ Well, I woke up alone staring at my ceiling ♪

♪ I try not to care, but it hurts my feelings ♪

♪ You don't have to stare, come here, get with it ♪

♪ No one's touched me there in a damn hot minute ♪

♪ H-O-T T-O G-O, snap and clap and touch your toes ♪

♪ Raise your hands, now body roll ♪

- [ Screaming ] - ♪ Dance it out, you're hot to go ♪

♪ H-O-T T-O G-O, snap and clap and touch your toes ♪

♪ Raise your hands, now body roll, H-O-T T-O G-O ♪

- [ Continues screaming ] - ♪ H-O-T T-O G-O

♪ You can take me hot to go

- [ Coughing ] - Let's get a line in.

Push five milligrams of morphine.

Tristan, I need you to get some ice packs, stat.

- Yep. - On it.

- [ Strained coughing ] - She's inhaled the fumes.

She needs an albuterol treatment now.

- I got it. - We could be dealing with

a pulmonary inhalation injury. If she keeps coughing like this,

she could tear a hole in her lung.

- [ Coughs roughly ] Ohh.

- Okay.

- [ Wheezes, groans ]

[ Coughing ]

- I'll take a listen.

- [ Wheezing ]

- Heads up, Doc. - [ Coughs ]

- Okay, take a deep breath.

Big inhale. Exhale.

- [ Panting ]

- Stable, for now.

- Yeah. Let's prep her for a CT scan.

I want to take a look at her lungs,

make sure there's no permanent damage.

- Okay. - [ Coughs ]

♪

- Okay. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, I have good news.

Your lungs look fine. There's no permanent damage

to your major bronchus or your alveoli.

And as for the skin, they're just superficial burns.

If you'll excuse me, I'll go update the captain.

- [ Crying ] Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Please let this be like one of those dreams

where your teeth fall out or something. Like, wake up.

Wake up, wake up.

- Marsha, it's gonna be all right.

It's good news.

No serious damage, just aesthetic.

- You don't get it.

Aesthetics are important.

Looks matter.

Like, this week, on this cruise,

I have to look gorgeous as a girl.

I have to look sexy as a man.

- Well, I'm certain you'll do both just fine.

- No, Tristan!

People like you, people who look the way you look,

you'll be just fine. You don't get what it's like

to date as a drag queen, all right?

'Cause-- And I know that everyone, in drag, loves me.

But out of drag, I'm too black. I'm too fat or too feminine.

I'm too much.

And now on top of all that, my wig burned on my head.

I look like some scabby-ass Lord Voldemort.

- Tomorrow we arrive at our first port.

There's this fabulous little mercado.

How about the two of us go hat shopping?

♪

♪

- Go ahead. - Uh, no, no.

- After you. - Please.

- Please, I insist.

- I think we need to talk

about what happened. The other night.

- Mm. I'm pretty sure we made a pact

to never, ever speak about that ever again

as long as we all shall live. - We did.

But the fact is, you two are acting weird.

Like, really, extremely weird.

Aha. Like that.

Look, if you boys are gonna be such boys about it,

I'll say it.

I had fun.

It was exciting and... hot.

And I know we said it was only gonna be a one-time thing,

but-- - I had fun, too.

I mean, I've been thinking about it a lot.

- You guys are terrible at pacts.

- But what would this look like, then?

- Could look like whatever we wanted it to look like.

This cruise is full of people, couples and throuples,

trios and polyamorous quadrangles finding ways

to make it work outside the traditional norms and rules.

- Do either of you actually know what the word pact means?

'Cause I'm starting to wonder. - I'm not saying

that we need to define or decide anything right now.

I'm just saying we're capable of feeling happiness,

and that is something to be grateful for.

Why stop ourselves from doing something

that makes us happy just because it feels different?

♪

[ Man groans ]

- [ Whispering ] Daniel?

- [ Whispering ] Derek? - David?

David.

[ Normal voice ] Hey. David?

David, it's time to go.

We have beach cardio in 15.

- Who's David? I'm Raphael.

- Hi.

I'm David.

- [ Sighs ]

Let's go. Let's go. - [ Groans ]

My head is killing me.

Zumba on the beach? Can we please just get Bloodys?

- No. The best way to beat a hangover is to sweat it out.

Besides, it's Daddy Zumba where the real cruising happens.

- Jesus, it's freezing out here.

Are you wearing bronzer?

- To a workout class. I'm not that gay, babe.

- Liar. You look like Marge Simpson.

- Daddy Zumba starts in 5! - Shut up. Come on, just hurry.

♪

- ♪ Yeah, you know I'm sweating hard, you know it ♪

- All right, everybody.

- ♪ You know I'm sweating hard, hard, hard, yeah ♪

- Watch me.

- ♪ You know I'm sweating hard, you know it ♪

- The straight guy is doing better than you.

- All right, now double time!

♪

And hop and double time!

And hop and do--

Stop. Stop, stop!

♪

- Babe. [ Men murmuring indistinctly ]

Babe!

Hey, hey, hey.

- Ohh, God. [ Groaning ]

- Thank you.

- His blood pressure and pulse are normal,

but he's running a fever. 102.2.

- Has he ever had a medical condition with symptoms

like this, or is he taking any new medications?

- No, he's literally so healthy. Like, it's kind of his whole--

whole thing.

- Okay, Mark, is it? Let's sit you down over here.

You can lay down, but it's gonna have to be on your side,

all right?

Guys?

Okay. I'll be right back.

Their skin looks jaundiced.

With that, with the fever and the nausea,

this could be something infectious. We should mask up.

- Let's finish getting the complete medical inventory

before we jump to conclusions.

- Whatever it is has clearly spread between them.

Just to be safe-- - It could be food poisoning.

- It's not food poisoning, man!

- [ Groaning ]

- Thank you, Nurse Silva.

With all due respect, diagnosis is my job, not yours.

- Okay, well, with all due respect, Doctor,

preventing an outbreak on this ship is all of our job.

- Okay, Nurse.

What outbreak is it that you think

that we're dealing with here, based upon the limited

information that you've been able to gather?

- Based on their symptoms, based on their recent travel history,

it could be, uh, hemorrhagic fever.

It could be Marburg. - [ Groaning ]

- Avery? - Yeah.

- Is there blood in that vomit?

- No. - So it's not hemorrhagic fever.

And it's not Marburg, because they'd be presenting

with a maculopapular rash, which neither of them have.

- [ Groaning ] - Are we good?

- Max?

You should take a look at this.

- [ Groaning ]

♪

- Are you telling me you think you have a patient with Marburg?

And isn't that as deadly as the Ebola filovirus?

- We can't say for certain, Captain.

We need more information.

- The nausea, the jaundice, the rash,

there are too few things that present like this. I'm sorry.

- Marburg has never even been seen in this part of the world.

A-Are you agreeing with this?

- They're travel influencers. This is a cruise ship.

I wish I didn't, but, yeah, I'm with Tristan.

- Contagion protocol requires

that we have a confirmed diagnosis.

And we are not unanimous.

- Then you better get unanimous fast.

I'm going to tell you once how this goes.

The moment I make that call, we head to port.

And then this little conversation

suddenly involves a whole lot of people.

Quarantine, homeland security, CDC.

And there is no turning this ship around,

literally or figuratively.

So what's it going to be?

- We could be ground zero for the next global pandemic.

You know what Marburg does.

It rots a patient from the inside out.

- He's right.

If it got out that we knew, and we waited?

- I need another look.

- How much time? - 20 minutes.

- You have 10. Go. [ Video call disconnects ]

- I'm still the ranking physician on this boat,

whether you agree with me or not.

So let's work as a team and get a confirmed diagnosis.

- How do you plan on doing that in 10 minutes?

- Biopsy.

It's the best way to get a clear picture of what's going on.

- A biopsy will take days to get results back.

- Not if it's perioperspective.

We'll get immediate results under the microscope.

- But perioperspective biopsy

requires the patient to undergo surgery.

- That's right. And I wouldn't have to cut anybody open

if you'd have just done this by the books.

But now my hands are tied, so scrub in.

- Wait.

Uh, cut who open?

♪

- Mark, I understand you're frightened.

And the truth is, we don't know what's wrong with you.

But this biopsy is gonna help us to find out, okay?

- Will it hurt? I'm a huge baby.

- I'm gonna put you under with a general anesthesia.

Have you eaten anything in the past six hours?

- No, today was a fast day.

It was just sweet potatoes yesterday,

and the day before that, and the day before that.

- Sweet potatoes? - Yeah, we've been doing

this cleanse for months. Sweet potatoes have

enough nutrients and calories to keep you upright,

but they don't bloat or add weight.

♪

[ Gasps ]

- What are you looking for? - Hey, Mark,

have you kissed anyone other than your boyfriend recently?

- Kissed anyone? A kiss is a gay handshake,

so, um, yes.

- You can stand down.

It's not Marburg.

♪

- Sweet potatoes?

Sweet potatoes. - [ Chuckles ]

Carotenosis.

And yes, sweet potatoes can do it.

The beta carotene, if you eat too much of it,

it'll turn your skin orange.

- As for the rash, our patients tested positive

for another infectious disease. Mononucleosis.

- Mono? You mean the kissing disease?

- Yes, indeed.

So I put them on a nutrient drip,

some anti-emesis drugs,

activated charcoal, the whole nine.

- And not a moment too soon, either.

Any longer, and the patients

could have suffered permanent brain damage from swelling.

- Sweet potatoes. Geez.

Who'd have thought it?

- Not me, apparently.

I'm sorry, Max. I--

I should have listened.

- [ Sighs ]

Don't ever question me like that in front of a patient again.

- Come on.

Eyes at me.

Now, living and working in close quarters,

you're bound to lock horns. It's normal.

It's even healthy sometimes.

But going forward, I need the three of you

in lockstep sync.

Am I clear?

- Yes, Captain.

- Captain.

- You're way too important.

- Thank you.

♪

- Wait.

♪

Tristan?

I'm sorry.

I know you were just doing what you thought was right.

We're good. Hold on.

That was not us.

We got through it, but we were not working as a team.

Come on in and close the door.

You guys, I can't do it.

I just can't. What happened the other night was wonderful,

but it's not me.

Maybe I'm too traditional.

Maybe I'm square. I don't know, but...

I am a one-woman man.

I want to be in a relationship with one person who I love,

and I want a family. I want children.

And the captain's right. When we're not in sync,

we put lives in jeopardy.

And I can't justify that.

♪

- Okay.

♪

See you tomorrow.

♪

- [ Sighs ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

- What are you doing?

- Ah, you know, just getting some sun.

Gotta get that vitamin D. - Uh-huh.

And all the extra attention is just... gravy?

You might actually be a health hazard.

- Well, it's a good thing there's a nurse practitioner

standing by.

You know, we make a really good duo.

- We make an even better trio. - Mm.

- What do you make of all that, before? Max's reasoning?

- Well, seems like

stroppy Doctor Prudence is,

I don't know, hiding his feelings

behind some H.R. mumbo-jumbo.

I mean, we were both there. He was--

- He was. - Right?

- He took this job for a reason, to let his hair down.

Maybe he just needs some convincing.

- Mm.

- Let me help you with your back.

- [ Sighs ]

- What if you tried talking to him?

You boys have your dude dialect I'm not really fluent in.

- Yeah. Uh-oh, she knows about the secret language.

Aves--

Right, I guess I could-- I could give it a shot.

- Ah, attaboy.

♪

- This was nice.

♪

- Hi.

♪

- Why would you do that?

- It's fuzzy like a puppy.

- You can touch his fuzzy puppy shorts, babe.

I don't get jealous.

No. "Why would you do that?" is the question

I've been up all night asking myself.

- Yeah? - Because as far as I can see,

everything in Craig's life has been going really, really good.

- Want? - Unh-unh.

- Yeah, my life is-- It's beautiful.

- And then it hit me. Maybe that's the problem.

Do you know what's almost as addictive as booze?

- No. - Chaos.

As alcoholics, we become very, very comfortable in chaos.

We thrive in it. - Right. Oh.

So you're-- what you're saying is that we--

if-- when everything is going well,

then we sabotage our life, and the devil comes in,

and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Brian, I'm sober 15 years, okay?

I've read the Big Book, too. - Yeah, I know.

I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this relapse, babe. - Yeah, okay.

Relapse? - Yes.

- Brian, I have-- I have not been drinking.

You've been drinking.

♪

[ Laughter, indistinct conversations ]

♪

- I called Sam at Cheremoya House.

She has a bed for you waiting when we get back.

What do you say? - Say no.

I'm not going back to rehab. I'm not-- I'm--

I haven't been drinking, Brian. I'm not drunk.

- Play this out. This keeps going,

what-- what happens next?

It's a downward spiral.

- No, this is a downward spiral.

♪

- Oh, my--

Oh, my God. Craig?

I need some help here!

[ Machine beeping ]

- Rob, I'm telling you, this--

It's not what you think.

You never listen to me, Robert.

- I know. But in my defense,

your whole life, I felt like I've had to be your brother

and your father and your drill sergeant all wrapped into one.

But that all changes today.

Today,

I'm your sober buddy for the rest of this cruise.

and I'm here to listen, not judge.

- Okay, then listen to this.

I swear to you, I was not drinking.

- Okay.

Let's wait for the results from the doc.

- Okay. - All right?

- Yeah. - I have the results right here.

The first thing that we did is run a blood test.

Are you okay with me reading the results?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm not drinking, man.

♪

- Your blood alcohol content is way over the limit.

You're 0.12, so... - No.

- I'm sorry, but you, my friend, are intoxicated.

- No.

Robby, I swear to you, I'm not drinking.

There's something wrong.

I beg of you.

I'm not lying to you.

♪

You gotta help me. The--

It's something else.

- Doctor, Riley, Brian, come with me.

♪

- This may sting.

♪

- Your key, please? - Yeah.

[ Door beeps ]

So are we looking for drugs?

Or hidden bottles of mini bar booze?

- Hey, uh, grab his dopp kit.

Uh, Doctor, I think that there is a policy in medicine

that says when a patient tells you something...

- Believe them. - All right,

so we're gonna go on a little fact-finding tour here.

♪

And see if anything makes sense.

- PPIs. - It's for acid reflux.

- Yeah, he's had it since he was a kid.

♪

- I want to run a hydrogen breath test.

- Holy-- Wow, I've read about this,

but I've never actually seen it before.

- This class of drug, PPIs, reduces stomach acids,

but in rare cases, over time,

it can lead to a condition called auto brewery syndrome.

- Auto brewery? Yes. Essentially,

the sugars in your blood get converted into ethyl alcohol,

which causes the patient to become drunk.

- Drunk. [ Laughing ]

Without drinking.

Leave it to my brother to find a loophole.

- Talk about a free-lapse. So what's the treatment?

- It's quite simple, actually.

We just need to flush his system out with an I.V.,

pump him full of nutrients, electrolytes, and anti-fungals.

- [ Chuckles ] - Good news.

- Yeah.

- Thank you for believing me.

- [ Chuckles ]

- Brother, I got your back.

Ever since you were little and forever.

It's my job.

- Damn it. - What?

- Why can't I have a cool brother

who supports me through everything

and wears cool white shoes after Labor Day?

- Can't all win the brother lottery.

- It's true. The shoes are really good.

- Oh. I'm grateful for you guys.

It takes a village with this one.

Love you. - I hate your shoes.

- [ Laughs ]

♪

- I'm prescribing you this H2 blocker.

It should temper the stomach acid

without affecting your microbiota.

And as far as your blood alcohol content is concerned,

you, my friend, are sober as a judge.

How you feel?

- Physically, I feel good.

- And emotionally? Spiritually?

- I used to live a life that was, uh,

a special kind of hellish existence.

You know, people assume that you get sober

because you don't want that life anymore.

But to tell you the truth,

it finally dawned on me that I want that life too much.

And part of me will always want it.

I loved it. I had some fun.

But by the grace of God,

a bigger part of me wants this life.

I am so full of gratitude.

I thank you, Doctor.

And I'm ready to, uh--

ready to pick up where I left off.

- I think where you left off was at the top of our water slide,

which, thankfully, is a thrill with no side effects.

- I got two boyfriends. That's thrilling enough.

Little guy, big guy. - [ Chuckles ]

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

- Did you have your talk with Max yet?

- Uh, I, uh--

I-I actually don't want to, uh, do this now, please.

- Oh, come on. Come on. We all hooked up.

If we're mature enough to make that decision,

we were mature enough to have a conversation about it.

I'll just go talk to him. - No, no, Aves, Aves, stop.

Please. I don't want to do this.

Uh, I-I don't mean the communicating part.

I mean the doing-it...

part. I don't want to do this.

Us.

Okay.

When I was a kid...

[ Clears throat ]

...my two favorite foods were chicken tikka masala and crisps.

Potato chips.

And, uh, one day, I went into the corner shop,

and I saw that they were making a

tikka-masala-flavored crisp.

And on my mind was blown, because they were so good.

And every day after school, I would--

I'd buy a big bag, you know,

and I'd tell myself, I'm just gonna have a couple.

I'm not gonna have the whole thing.

And then every day

I would go absolutely mad.

I'd gorge myself.

I'd made myself sick.

- Am I supposed to be the potato chips in this story?

- Cap's brother is right.

There are things in this world that are so good,

you can't just have a taste.

I love you, Aves.

I am in love with you.

But I can't share you.

It's got to be all or nothing.

I thought I could do it. I really did.

I'm sorry, but it turns out I can't.

It's making me sick.

♪

- Everything good out here?

- Yeah, Tristan was just telling me about these...

tikka masala flavored potato chip that they make in the UK.

- Mmm, yeah. [ Smooches ]

Out of this world.

♪

♪

- Thanks for this trip. It was beautiful.

- I still never had the lobster. - [ Laughs ]

- Yes. You missed out.

- Babe, you want a mimosa?

- Mm, I'm off orange food and drink for a while.

- Suit yourself.

Jared, don't make me drink alone.

- I-I probably shouldn't.

Ah, what the heck?

Cheers. To new friends.

- And to not dying.

- Cheers. [ Lights bang ]

- Y'all, I have come out two times

in my gay and glorious life.

First as a queen,

second as a drag queen.

And tonight, I'm coming out for a third time...

as a bald-ass drag queen!

[ Crowd cheering wildly ]

- [ Lip syncing ] - ♪ I'm coming

♪ Out

♪

♪ I'm coming out

♪ I want the world to know, got to let it show ♪

♪ There's a new me coming out and I just had to live ♪

- Oh, wow. - I know.

- My water just broke. - ♪ And I wanna give

- Baby. - [ Groaning ]

- We're having a baby.

We're having a baby. We're having a baby.

Hi, yeah, we're having a baby.

- All right. Deep breaths, in and out.

That's good. What's your name?

Guys, get an arm. - Kacey.

- Kacey, I'm Nurse Avery.

We've got Dr. Max here.

We've got Nurse Tristan here, as well.

- She's coming now.

- All right. We're ready for her.

- [ Groaning ]

- ♪ The time has come for me to break out of this shell ♪

♪ I have to shout that I am coming out ♪

- Just breathe with me. - ♪ I'm coming out

- You are 9 centimeters dilated,

and the cervix is fully effaced.

Everything looks great.

Whenever you're ready.

- [ Screaming ]

- Perfect.

- Looking great, Kacey.

- Really great. Keep pushing. Keep pushing.

- ♪ The time has come for me to break out of this shell ♪

- Good job, Mom. [ Baby crying ]

- ♪ That I am coming out

♪ I'm coming out

♪ I want the world to know, I got to let it show ♪

♪ I'm coming out, I want the world to know ♪

♪ Want the world to know, got to let it show ♪

♪ I'm

♪ I'm coming out!

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪

♪

♪

♪