Original subtitles

(Dynamic music)

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(Text on screen)

- I can't shred wearing that thing.

- Well, you can't shred with a brain injury either, my man.

- I'm getting good.

- You're not skateboarding without a helmet.

- Fine. Then I won't skateboard.

- Have a good day. - Yeah, bye.

- I wanna go home with you.

- I know, sweetie, but...

we can play together after school.

- Fine-uh!

(James): With kids, every day is filled with drama.

Have a good day.

(Astrid): Life is an emotional rollercoaster

and you're along for the ride,

as they have feuds with their friends...

(James): Grudges with siblings...

(Astrid): Or fits of despair because there's a spider.

- Don't give me that "no breakfast" baloney.

I offered you a can of Clamato. You didn't want it.

Okay, have fun. No biting, okay?

Oh hey, neighbour. - Hey, Rachel.

- Do you think uh, Julia's gonna wake up for her closing arguments?

- Not if Dr. Redondo has his way.

- Yeah. You know, I'd like to have my way with Dr. Redondo,

if you know what I mean. - You are bad.

(James): Sometimes, you get roped into your kids little dramas.

Because you love them.

(Astrid): And because deep down, we all crave a little drama.

- You may be an orthopedist,

but as an attorney...

you don't have a leg to stand on, Dr. Braun.

- I don't need legs, I have laws.

And if you break those, you're going to jail.

(chuckles slyly)

- Oh, don't trust him.

(theme music)

- Your motion to check my client's vitals

has been denied, Dr. Braun.

- Hmm. - Jennifer Braun.

(Dr. Braun): Then let me give you 30 cc's of truth.

I love you still.

(laughing) - Order in the Hospital Court.

- Hello. - Yeah. Yeah, no. Hi.

Ahem. - Julia in a coma again?

- Oh is that? I don't... This was just on.

- Oh. - What's goin' on with you?

I thought you were supposed to be at work?

- No, I booked it off for dental work.

- Oh, what? What dental work?

- None. My teeth are perfect.

I lied so I could help Dawn

fix up the baby's nursery

and give her this unbeatable gift.

A-doink, da-doink, da-doink, da-donk.

- Oh. - It's a baby wipes warmer.

She doesn't even know this exists.

I'm so much smarter at having babies than her.

- Way to flaunt your fertility.

(Dr. Braun): Don't you dare Jennifer me.

- The defendant has six months... to live.

- Okay, well, I guess I'm off to blow my sister's mind.

- She's dying.

My client and your twin sister.

- No!

(laughing) Did you see--

- Here it is. We are almost there.

What do you think?

- Yeah, I thought you needed help?

- Oh, yes, that's why Zinnia stepped in.

Hmm.

- Oh, the baby's kicking.

- Yay, okay. You know the drill.

(fake belly buzzing)

Feel the baby. Come on.

- I can feel her little motor oscillating.

Dawn, are we taking this too far?

- Astrid, just because I'm too busy with work

to be actually pregnant, doesn't mean I can't

replicate the experience. (grunts)

- Okay. Uh, I got you something.

- Oh.

(paper crinkling)

Oh, that's lovely. - Ha.

- But Zinnia already got us the Toasty Tushy 3000.

(eerie music)

- Zinnia got you a wipes warmer?

- Well, it was her thoughtful idea,

so I asked her to buy it with the credit card Bo and I gave her.

Oh, have you seen my Chanel watch?

Um... hmm.

You know, I have been misplacing things lately.

Classic baby brain. - Uh-huh.

(Zinnia): Oh, it's in the kitchen by the milk frother.

- Hmm. - I'll get it.

- Dawn, you gave her a credit card?

Is that a good idea? - Oh, please.

We've done our due diligence.

Police check, references, DNA samples.

She is 100 percent legitimate, and 30 percent Dutch.

Hmm? (fake belly beeps)

Oh, my belly needs new batteries.

I'll be back.

(Zinnia, quietly): Now is not a good time.

They're watching me all the time.

I literally wear a tracker.

(eerie music)

Well, hopefully they won't find out

until after I'm long gone.

Okay, bye.

- As Cincinnati's top lawyer and oncologist,

it's my job to perform a biopsy on lies.

- You've gotta watch this show--

- James, my TV queue is already very full, okay?

I got Raptors games.

I still haven't watched "Succession."

You know what movie I haven't seen? "Cloverfield."

That's how behind I am.

- Oh, hold on one second. Hello?

(teacher): Mr. Berney, Viv had an incident in class.

- Yes, I'll be right there. Thank you.

(teacher): Thank you.

(Ennis): Hello?

- Sorry, there's uh, been an incident at school.

I gotta pick Viv up. - Incident?

That's what they say when there's a chemical spill.

(James): When the teacher wants to talk,

it's never about something cool,

like your kid's too smart or they found a jewel.

You know it's gonna be bad.

It's just a matter of how bad.

- Viv's having a bad day

in the way that a volcano might be having a bad day.

We had to clear the classroom.

(clicks tongue and inhales)

- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

- Oh, sweetie. It's okay. It's okay.

What um, what happened?

- I can't share who else was involved

or the specifics of what happened.

School policy.

- Some girls started the Kitty Cat Meow Meow Crew

and I couldn't join because I like dogs.

- Oh, that's so, that's-that's very unfair.

You know, the Kitty Kitty Meow Crack.

- The Kitty Cat Meow Meow Crew. - Kitty Cat--

- Kitty Cat-- (Ms. Wu and Viv): Meow Meow.

- Um, well, I'm sure that Ms. Wu

will make sure that the Kitty Cat Meow Meow Crew

will um, maybe be more inclusive.

- I can't tell kids how to play. That's school policy.

I can't even get them to stop throwing chalk.

That's not policy, they just won't listen to me.

(James): Viv had a tough day.

Uh, so did Dawn like your diaper thingy?

- Zinnia already got Dawn a newer, better,

expensive-er baby wipe thingy. - Hmm.

- Dawn doesn't need my stupid help for anything.

- Oh, no, that's not true. Dawn's always gonna need your stupid help.

- No. - You are her sister.

- Nah, she's got Zinnia for everything.

Zinnia. - Mm-hmm.

And?

- I do think she's scamming her somehow.

- I'm sorry, go on.

- Well, I overheard her on the phone.

- Uh-huh. - And she was like,

"Dawn's such a dummy, she's not gonna suspect a thing."

So, I don't know, maybe I'm crazy but, ahem,

I think she's hiding something.

- It's very highly unlikely, but there is a world

where Zinnia could be, you know,

trying to swindle Dawn out of money and or her baby.

Perhaps colluding with an ex-lover or an evil twin.

- You've OD'd on daytime television.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, that's a fair point.

It's, you're right, it's best to stay out of it.

I mean, even if Zinnia's operating under some sort

of stolen identity, I mean, Bo and Dawn are smart people.

They can figure it out by themselves.

- James, I know what you're doing.

And it's very effective. I'm gonna go get some answers.

- I believe in you.

(suspicious music)

- Dawn?

Zinnia.

- Hi.

- That's a nice bracelet. Where'd you get it?

- This uh, was a gift.

- Oh! Nice. From who?

- Um, what can I do for you?

- I need to talk to my sister.

- She went up to bed. - It's 5:30.

- She's really tired these days,

and come to think of it, so am I.

- Hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- I'm just gonna...

- It's bedtime.

- It'll just take a minute.

- Night, night.

Good night.

Careful of the baby.

(suspenseful music)

- Okay.

I'm so cool.

I know I am 'cause I'm a cat, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Lucy, why don't you wanna be my friend?

Is it because I smell like dog? (Astrid): James.

- Sweetie, why don't you stop playing with dolls

and come over here and talk with us for a sec.

- You had a tough day, huh?

- I threw a chair.

- Not good. But we talked about that,

about expressing emotions especially in--

- What are their names? - Missy Hissdemeanor, Doja Cat,

Little Sphynx, and British Shorthair.

- These are children or drag queens?

- Why don't you just play with the kids who like dogs?

- I wanna hang out with the Kitty Cat Meow Meow Crew as a dog.

Why is that so hard to understand?

- Yeah, well, I'll tell ya what, sweetie.

We can be your dog pack anytime you want.

(barking)

(Viv giggles)

- Why don't you stay home from school tomorrow?

Just take the day off of the drama.

- Ruff!

(panting) - Good barking.

- What? Why can't I stay home?

I have three quizzes tomorrow. Yeah, three.

And my hair? Yeah, it's low-key skibidi.

I'm stressed! But I guess that's not important to you guys.

- No, of course, it's important, buddy.

I know that you're stressed. - How do you know what I feel?

- 'Cause you just told me.

You wanna talk about it? - I want to live my life.

- Wah. - I would love to see

how this angst manifests via guitar.

- Oh, see that's, that's why you're the one.

(gentle music)

And how is Viv's day off going?

- Perfect. - Yeah?

That's good 'cause you know this is a one-time only thing, right?

You're going back to school tomorrow.

- Time will tell. (knocking at door)

- Hey!

Thought I'd come over for a little Hospital Court watch party!

- Oh, it's actually not a great time, Rach,

'cause um, Viv's got a tummy ache.

- Oh, that's perfect, actually,

'cause my chemtrail app says that it's a heavy day

so I'm keeping Dynasty home, too.

- Okay, hey, sweetie. - British Shorthair!

(hisses) (barks)

(hissing and barking continues)

- Is this a sacrifice? I didn't read the entire email.

- Company retreats trick people into believing

that their co-workers are their friends.

It's a lie that boosts output. Hi!

(Bo): This animal is one of our most valuable colleagues.

The blankets on your back once used to roam these fields.

(sheep bleat)

Huh, let's meditate on that, hmm?

- What do we do? - Just do this.

(sheep bleating) (Astrid): Bo! Bo!

- Is that the sheep? (Astrid): Bo?

Oh, there's a path? Come on!

Hello.

Dawn said you were at a retreat.

She didn't say anything about a ritual.

- We are connected to the life cycle of wool.

Mwah! Is something wrong?

- Nothing wrong with a group of buddies with a shared sense of purp-a-a-a-se.

(all laugh)

- That's good. - Astrid.

- Marla. Bo. - Hmm. Oh.

- Have you noticed anything weird about Zinnia?

She's been wearing expensive jewelry,

using your credit card, raising my suspicion.

- I can assure you, Zinnia's one of the least suspicious people I know.

Even so, we track her every move with Surro-Gate Keeper.

Oh, look, she's on her lunchtime stroll.

- She's stopping for lunch at a place called Pawns 'R' Us.

- Hmm. - Bo,

if she's pawning your jewelry,

that's a gateway into pawning your baby.

(laughing) - I mean...

(sheep bleats) Ennis!

Ennis. (Ennis): What?

- Don't feed Hilda junk. (Ennis): I wasn't.

- Okay, I, I think this is just a case of kids being kids.

- Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

- So all that's left to do is for Dynasty to apologize to Viv.

- Is that why you invited us here?

(mysterious piano music)

To trick us into your little apology plan?

- I didn't invite you, Rachel.

- You have a lot of nerve accusing my daughter.

- Viv faked a tummy ache because of Dynasty.

- Where's the evidence? You know what?

Don't tell me. I don't believe in evidence.

- Look, Rachel, all that needs to happen here

is just a simple apology.

- I don't believe in apologies either.

(chuckling)

(sighing)

- Well, that's a good one, Rachel,

because apologies are real.

Unlike chemtrails. - Ha!

You fool.

- If you think it's okay for Dynasty to exclude Viv,

then maybe you and your daughter should leave my house.

- Your wife is gonna hear about this, James.

Mark my words.

Dynasty, let's go.

Dynasty!

(Dawn): Can I just say that I'm so touched you asked me to lunch?

(Astrid): Yeah, mm-hmm, sure. - I'm ravenous.

Eating for two is a full-time job.

I'm craving Italian.

Oh, I could murder a lasagna right now.

A whole lasagna. I am that pregnant.

- Not pregnant.

- Are we going to eat? - Uh, no, we are not.

Okay, Dawn, don't freak out,

but I have reason to believe that Zinnia

is stealing your stuff and pawning it off for more money.

- I knew you couldn't leave well enough alone when it came to Zinnia.

You are so judgmental of everything I do.

- Hey, no, this has nothing to do with being judgmental.

I am watching out for you, Dawn.

Your surrogate is swiping your stuff

from right under that pretty, little nose.

- I need you to take me home.

- Oh. - Immediately.

- Look! There she is.

Looks like she's waiting for someone.

Who are you waiting for?

- Oh.

(Rachel): Dynasty!

(James): Will you stop screaming in my house, please?

- No! I'm outraged!

Where am I going? - First door on your left.

- Oh. (girls giggling)

Dynasty.

- Hi, cat. I'm dog. Can we be friends?

- Meow! That means yes in my language.

(Dynasty yips) - Now, you don't have

to ask permission, Viv. You're a proud dog person.

If anything, Dynasty should be asking for forgiveness for hurting your feelings.

- Oh, oh, Dynasty, don't listen to this man.

He doesn't even believe that the government controls

the weather with chemtrails. - Correct, I don't.

- Okay, so what do you believe in, hmm?

The Easter Bunny? Santa Claus?

- Yes, obviously. - Yeah.

- Mommy, can me and Viv have a sleepover?

Please? - Yeah, yeah, please?

(barks) (Dynasty meowing)

- I don't think that's a great idea, honey.

James just kicked us out of his house.

(Viv gasps)

- Aw, she's reading the book I gave her. Look.

- Just wait, okay?

She's gonna go in there any second and sell some of your stuff.

That's why she's been coming here every day.

Look!

Dawn, isn't that your watch?

- We wear the same clothes.

We might as well wear the same jewelry.

It's really important that we're fully in sync.

- Okay, whatever. So this was all nothing then.

I was just trying to do something nice for you with the baby wipes.

Okay? You know, I feel like you've completely left me out

of this second baby journey and you've replaced me with Zinnia.

- Oh, Astrid.

Zinnia is paid to help me. A lot.

And second, I don't run everything by you

because I know you'll just make fun of me.

I thought your home birth with Felix was weird and witchy,

but I was there for it.

I thought you having a third kid was really dumb,

but I'm happy you did it.

- I hear you. You're right.

Okay, I, I promise to be more supportive and not judgmental.

Dawn, I love you. I, I just want...

Oh, what the what?!

(gasps)

Oh! Oh, no. No, no, no!

(laughing excitedly)

- Dawn, Astrid, um, uh, what are you guys doing here?

Do you also go to this bakery?

- I knew you were up to something.

In your face. In your face!

In your face, sis! Boom!

- Don't mind if I do. - No.

(barks) (girls laugh)

- Look, things got a little bit heated,

but the kids seem great now.

And even though you don't believe in apologies, I'm sorry.

- Well, I believe in receiving apologies.

(chuckles) But I get it.

I would kill for Dynasty. (girls): Please.

(Viv): Please, Dad, please. - Like, vicious murder.

(mysterious piano music)

Wouldn't even take me very much to get there.

- Anyway, I think we should do this sleepover at some point.

(girls): Yeah!

- Okay. Um, what time should I pick her up tomorrow?

- Huh? Oh, no. I didn't mean that.

(girls): Sleepover! Sleepover!

- Uh.

- Bye!

- What do you two have to say for yourselves?

- Oh, you got so much to answer for, my girl.

- Mm-hmm. - Oh, my goodness.

Secret relationship? - Mm-hmm.

- Stealing from Dawn? - Mm-hmm.

- Child endangerment? Breach of contract?

Kidnapping, question mark. - What?

No, just, just the secret relationship.

I haven't done any of those things.

- It's not a big deal, all right?

We just hit it off and we didn't wanna

freak everybody out so we kept it quiet.

Which then ended up being quite hot and exciting

for the both of us. - Ugh!

- I held him off as long as I could.

But he smells like a wet forest and I like that.

- She always smells like waffles. Like, always.

- Stop it, stop it. - Doesn't matter what time it is.

- Also, this is insane. I don't need to be followed

by you or wear the same clothes as you.

Stop Single-White-Female-ing me! - Ah!

- How dare you betray my sister like this!

She's pregnant! - No, she's not. I am!

- Oh.

(sighs)

- I don't understand why you two thought you had to sneak around.

Our relationship is based on trust

and an exhaustive legal contract that allows you

to have personal relationships,

as long as it doesn't injure the baby.

- Child endangerment. Don't.

- Okay, I don't even see how I could.

Thank you for the... But we won't.

- We won't. - We won't.

- I know.

Because we'll be watching.

- Okay.

Yeah, okay.

- Can you not. - Yep.

- Stop pointing down there, please?

Thank you. I hope not.

I hope not everything.

(gentle music)

(James): Viv?

Let's go!

Okay, yes, very nice.

(Astrid): When you have kids, drama is impossible to avoid.

Like while one kid has a meltdown because they can't find missing socks.

(James): The other kid thinks you're the worst parent in the world

because you won't let them play in the oven.

(Astrid): But drama isn't necessarily a bad thing.

For one, it can be pretty entertaining.

(James): Hmm, like when Dr. Redondo learned his dermatologist

was legally his sister. (Astrid): What a delicious scandal.

- Oh, the baby's kicking.

(Astrid): That, and because where there's drama,

there's an opportunity to show that you care.

(fake belly buzzing)

(Dawn): Aw.

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