Original subtitles

Larry, how's it goin?

The name's Barry.

Ho! Okay, I think it's workin' again!

Fred: (laughs) Hey uh, me and Mitch

were just heading out, maybe we could hook up later.

Later? This is my last night in town.

Oh, well hey, come with us.

Girls will find Fred and me irresistible

if we're hangin' out with a happy couple like you two, huh?

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Too bad Darla and I have to leave before we expected.

Hey, Barry, hang on!

You want me to talk to my boob.

So he's a jerk.

Why do we have to leave? And miss the carnival.

(knock at door)

Sorry, we're not buying bull today.

(kicks the door) Just five minutes. Please?

Stay right were you are, Daisy Mae.

Fred: Okay, look, I was going to tell Mitch.

It was just harder than I thought.

Well, maybe this is emotional torture.

Just a grown-up version of how you abused me in high school.

Fred: That's not true.

And me not coming out to Mitch isn't the problem here.

Yes it is. You lied to me.

No. You still haven't forgiven me for being a bully in the tenth grade.

That's what's really behind this.

We were kids! Me stuffing you in a locker ...

or gluing your butt to a chair didn't mean anything.

Okay, enough! I'm so sick of you two.

You gotta work out this ancient history

and I know just the thing that might help.

I look like a big Chinese dumpling.

Honey, it's not designed to flatter your figure.

All the extra padding's there to help you work out your aggression.

Then let me guess, I'm taking most of the punches?

You got a problem with that?

No.

Good. Now, Barry let's see what you got.

Take a shot at Fred there.

This is stupid.

Come on Barry!

You lift weights!

Not bad.

Good, now work out all that pent up hostility.

Who cares if you used to pour sand in my lunch?

Or soak my swimsuit in perfume or sabotage my science project?

I don't remember doing all that!

You don't? This feels kinda good.

Introducing the sand bra.

You know?

I think this might be kinda helpful.

I mean, I'm not the geek I used to be.

That's right! I'm cool!

And you're just a guy whose glory days are over.

I mean what are you gonna do with the rest of your life except bag groceries?

And who woulda guessed that you'd turn out to be gayer than an Easter basket?

Fred? You're gay?

You're looking for firmness, roundness.. consistency.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, I think uh, Mitch took the news pretty well.

You mean after we revived him with a bucket of ice water.

You know, the whole time we were in that ring?

All I wanted to do was tear off your sumo suit and get it on with you right then and there.

Yeah, well that would've truly killed Mitch.

Ah..

You're not really into this, are you?

Yeah, well I guess I'm wondering why you wanna make out

with a guy who's only ever gonna bag groceries.

Aw, oh Fred? It was just a game.

It's like my subconscious getting you back for all those things you did.

Don't take it so seriously.

It's kinda difficult actually.

I mean, don't you think you owe me an apology?

An apology?

I don't think I'm the one who should be apologizing here.

You fully outed me.

I already apologized for yesterday.

In fact uh, that's all I've been doing ever since I met you is apologizing.

I'm not talking about yesterday, I'm talking about our freshman year.

You said you were over that.

I'm not gonna forget everything just because we jumped around in fat suits.

Because of you everybody in school thought they had permission to make fun of me.

Because of you I felt awful about myself for years.

And you've never apologized for that.

You were a geek back then, Barry.

Everyone picks on the geek, right?

It's just a law of the jungle.

What?

But you're not like that now.

You're not Barry the Fairy anymore.

We're both cool guys.

Oh God. Fred, I think I uh, finally understand.

See? I am Barry the Fairy.

Or at least some part of me still is.

And I think I kinda like that part of me.

What's happening here?

I think this is good-bye.

Jack's out there? Make him go away?

Whoah!

Barry, you look like a scientist in those glasses.

Ah, scientist. That's not very sexy.

u always look sexy.

Now if you'll excuse me, this cowgirl's gotta go hogtiat cowb.

Hi, I'm a scientist.

Really?

No, not really.

But I have been studying the laws of human attraction.

Has anyone ever told you uh,

how cute you are in those glasses?

It was so sweet of you to bring me flowers.