Original subtitles

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[soft music]

- If you want to get ahead in life, listen to me.

Only two more months till the school year's up.

But you do have to get through midterms.

So buckle up.

[dramatic music]

[alarm beeping]

[exciting music]

- [groaning softly]

[neck cracking]

[languid flute music]

[alarm beeping]

- Ugh.

[exciting music resumes]

[notification chimes]

[languid flute music resumes]

[exciting music resumes]

[languid flute music resumes]

[groans]

[sniffs]

[gargling]

[gags softly]

[exciting music resumes]

- Dude, what are you doing out here?

I told you a million times,

the door's unlocked, and you can wait inside.

- You were asleep. It's rude.

- What's rude is you not trusting

that you could go in my house while I'm sleeping.

I'm in your house all the time when you don't even know,

and sometimes, when you're not even home.

- Okay. Can we just get going?

I need to focus today because I'm getting my midterms back

and I don't want to waste any more time

on this stupid conversation.

- Let's rock.

[upbeat music plays]

both: We fly.

[singing] Frock Swap - [singing] Brrr-ah

both: Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

- Boots and cats and boots and cats

And boots and cats and boots and cats

Whee! - I think it's safe to say

you're better than me at that.

- Thank you. I appreciate that.

Dude, don't forget,

Frock Swap practice after school.

- Oh, I can't.

I have to do my session with Counselor Fragoulis.

- Dude, you're still seeing Fragoulis?

- Yeah.

- You should blow him off already.

Your dad died six months ago,

and he does nothing to help you.

- I don't know. But--but this--

this scholarship, I am so close

to this Treehorn scholarship, Tanner.

And the deadline's at the end of the week.

They're gonna include midterm grades.

So I got to make sure everything's in line.

Okay, nothing can go wrong.

- Well-- - This is my only shot

at getting into the same school as my dad.

- Yeah, or you can just skip college altogether

and wait for climate change to wipe us all out.

That's my plan.

- Hey, no. Come on. Let's go.

- Yeah, get out of here.

No, I've got-- I've got English first period.

I think I'm gonna take a nap.

- All right. Sweet dreams, sunshine.

- Thanks.

[bright music]

- [singing] I am the author

This is my book

- Hey, Mr. Carelli.

Here's a sneak peek at the bake sale.

- Zucchini. - Ms. Taylor,

please give this to your mom.

I'm so sorry about what happened.

But the Cubs will be back next season.

- That's right.

- [singing] I know you can sense it

I wouldn't if I could

Hey, little girl, sit next to me

- Oh, my God.

- Dude.

My coffee.

- What?

Oh, my God.

- [sighs] - Oh, I--

I'll get the mop, you get the sanitizer.

- Hey. No, it's fine.

You're trying too hard, okay?

- Are you sure? - Yeah. Yeah.

- 'Cause I--I can help.

I can--I can get these.

- I know you can, but I'm not gonna let you do that,

'cause this is my job.

- You sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.

You want this paper?

- Oh, no, no.

I actually have a folder just in case.

- Cool. Okay, great.

- See I-- - Yeah, yeah.

No, that's fine. - Okay. Thank you.

Bye-bye. - No one walk here.

- Come on, Loretta.

What's with this two-strip nonsense?

Can I please have another?

You got two perfectly edible half nugs sitting right there.

You know you're gonna throw it away

as soon as this period ends.

- You know the drill.

The school mandates two chicken strips per meal.

If I give you extra, I gotta give him extra,

I gotta give her extra, I run out.

I gotta fill out paperwork. All the paperwork.

Big inconvenience.

I don't want to be inconvenienced.

- Come on. Don't be a cog in the machine, Loretta.

- Move along.

- I'm not giving up on you, Loretta.

- Move it! Go. - Ah, fine.

- Stop calling me Loretta.

Not one word about the two.

[eerie music]

- 'Sup, loser?

Are you studying during lunch?

- Yeah. Well, I have to catch up

on some challenging physics homework

before Wheeler's class next period.

- Mm.

What? It's sweet and salty.

It's umami.

- Oh, no. I'm--I'm good.

- Fine.

Anyway,

this weekend, I finish coding this program

that allows me to make legit fake IDs.

And if we sell 'em to enough freshmen,

we could get a few hundred dollars closer

to funding our post-graduate summer mini Frock Swap tour.

- Are we still doing that? I was thinking I would take

some gen ed classes at community college this summer.

- Ben, this is our dream.

To tour every stadium and shitty community center

within a hundred miles of this town.

Frock Swap, we fly.

It'd be our last hurrah before you leave forever.

- You know what? You're right.

I think I'm just drowning in essays right now.

- Hey, guys. - Hi, Philip.

- Oh, hey.

- School paper's out. Did you read my story?

I blew the roof off of West Greenview High's

very own SAT cheating scandal,

but it never could have happened

without my personal email hacker.

- I don't exist.

- And next, the subject that no one wants to talk about.

A deep dive: missing students,

West Greenview High's secret shame.

- Missing? Like who?

- There's so many. Remember?

Wayne Lambert.

- Wow. It's been like two years.

They still haven't found him?

- Well, he might be undercover.

CIA, real Jason Bourne shit.

Or he could have been murdered.

- Dude, the guy's a druggie. He probably OD'd in the woods

and they'll find his skeleton in a beaver dam someday.

- Oh, that reminds me.

Wanna know who had sex in a beaver dam

over winter break?

- Hell yeah. - Not--not particularly.

[school bell ringing]

- I'm late for a class.

- Wheeler's? Okay, well, go!

- Okay. I'll see you later. Bye.

- Okay, bye.

- Listen up.

I will be handing back midterm grades at the end of class.

- [gasps] - For my first lesson today...

[balloon pops] [all gasping]

[eerie music]

So when enough energy is added to the material,

it rips apart the bonds...

[phone buzzing] Of molecules.

Ms. Smythe,

are you under the impression that you're invisible?

- No. - Then stand.

Class, physics unlocks the mysteries of the universe.

Without physics, there would be no electromagnetism.

Your phone wouldn't exist. Tell me.

Is your phone call more important than the universe?

- Um, my dog's in surgery,

and I was just waiting to hear back 'cause--

- Your dog can use the phone. That's just remarkable.

Well, give Spot my best

on your way to the principal's office.

- Her name is Peanut Butter.

- [sighs] Back to the matter at hand.

You.

- Me? - Up to the board.

I want you to solve our equation.

Come on, come on.

So we can see force F

proportional to the displacement, X,

where Kx is a constant.

Solve for X.

Oh, now, you're not nervous, are you?

No.

- Uh--

[indistinct chatter]

- Wrong. - Oh, okay.

Okay.

- Mr. Friedman, how long have you been in this class?

- I--

I don't even know what F means.

- Goodbye. - Okay.

- Take out your textbooks, everyone.

[exciting music]

[clock ticking]

I know you've all been anticipating the results

of your midterm exams, and you all wanna know

what your marks are.

Well, I'm afraid that's not going to happen.

There was a cheater among us.

[students murmuring] I can assume

that the guilty party doesn't want to confess.

Of course not.

And until I find out who it was,

you all fail.

- What?

[school bell ringing]

- [sighs] Thank God.

- Um...

Mrs. Wheeler.

- Mr. Palmer.

- Can I ask you a question?

- And what would that be?

- Well, um...

- Are you coming or not?

[ominous music]

- Yeah.

[tea kettle whistling]

- You have something to say?

- I can't fail. This grade is important.

There's a scholarship on the line.

- I care a great deal about your education

beyond my classroom.

- It's not fair. You know, I study hard.

I try my best. You know that.

- "This isn't fair." Let's examine that.

Is it fair for me not to prepare my students

for life's realities?

So my hands are tied.

- Is there something I can do, extra credit, manual labor?

I-- - [sighs]

- I could help you find the cheater.

- Really?

You would betray your fellow students?

- Yeah, I'll do anything.

- My class has meaning, Mr. Palmer,

and I refuse to humor anyone who thinks otherwise.

You may go now.

- But--

- Twerp.

- Dude, Principal Henderson is not gonna

let Wheeler fail 20 AP students.

That'll just look bad on his part.

You're the shiny pennies.

- You're right, but my Treehorn application's due

next Friday with midterm grades.

Okay, it's all over.

GPA destroyed, scholarship gone.

- That sadistic asshole.

This is how she gets off.

- Might as well get a job at the pig refinery

slaughtering hogs.

"Go mop the killing floor," they'll say.

"Make it shine," they'll say.

"You want to keep the blood?"

"Yes. I want to keep the blood."

You want to know why?

You want to know why I keep the blood?

It's because I turn into a real weirdo.

That's what's gonna happen to Ben Palmer.

- My God, this is worse than I thought.

No, she's got to pay for once in her life.

She deserves to look stupid.

- Yeah. You know what?

You--she should pay. You're right.

- There we go, my guy. I love it when you get petty.

Give me what you got. - Okay. What can we do?

Um, we can key her car. - Oh, hell yeah.

- Okay, we should egg her house.

- Yes. - We could cover

those gloves she always wears in dog shit.

- No, let's do human shit. - No.

- I'll--I'll eat some spicy nachos

and then take a huge dump in her gloves.

- Good, but maybe just dog shit.

- Human shit, bro.

Human shit. - I don't know how you--

we could pull off that fake-ass wig.

- I say we crack an egg on her bald head.

- Yeah. But we could call her, like, mean names and stuff.

- Yeah. No, no, no. No.

That's--that's kid stuff.

This woman endangered your future.

Get mean. Get dirty.

- Well, I mean you're the computer genius.

There's all sorts of ways you can ruin

someone's reputation online, right?

- Now we're talking.

- We should get her fired. - Hell yeah.

- She deserves this, right?

- Hey. - Hi, Mom.

- Suspicious.

Did you guys eat? - We ordered a pizza.

- And salad? Please lie to me about salad.

- Uh, we had veggie pizza.

- Eh. Close enough.

Benji, thank you for doing the dishes.

I would've gotten to them eventually.

- You're welcome. - Ugh.

- Aw, Julie, will you please adopt me?

- Sure. Why not?

Oh, wait, you have your grandmother.

- But she smells like cigarettes,

and you smell like cinnamon.

- Well, that's just because I've been

hitting my cinnamon vape.

Just kidding, I don't vape, and you shouldn't either.

Please don't vape. Tell me you don't vape.

- We don't vape. - All right.

Don't stay up too late. And do your homework.

And listen to your teachers.

And don't look up weird porn on the Internet.

It's not real. - Mom, I love you.

Can you go?

- You remind me more and more of your dad every day.

- Bye, Julie.

[soft dramatic music]

- I can't do this.

- Wait, what? Why?

- I was just blowing off some steam.

Okay, just forget it.

- Come on, Ben. Are you sure?

Fine. I gotta go.

[upbeat pop music]

- [singing] When I was younger, I was insane for fame

In big letters up in lights, I could see my name

Since my mouth could move, I've had something to say

Now I'm a little older, but I remain the same

You can't cheat, you can't defeat, you can't beat me

What you do, I do it better, don't compete with me

You can't cheat, you can't defeat, you can't beat me

[instigative music]

[alarm beeping]

- [sighs]

- Morning. - God!

Tanner, what are you doing here?

- Your mom let me in.

You know, some of us don't have boundary issues.

- Did you stay up all night watching Twitch again?

- Uh-- [laughs]

Twitch. That's funny, Ben.

That's real good.

- How many energy drinks have you had?

- I don't know. Maybe lost count after five.

- Anyway, I slept on it.

You know, I think I have a plan.

I'm gonna lobby Counselor Fragoulis

to let me take AP physics pass/fail,

and the grade won't count towards my GPA.

And I don't know if it'll work,

but fingers crossed, right?

- Yeah. Yeah. That's--that's great.

That's just great. But just hypothetically...

- Oh, yeah? - You know how Wayne Lambert

went missing and he probably just OD'd

somewhere in the woods never to be found?

- Or, like, joined an Amish CIA sleeper cell?

Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah. What if he was killed?

- What? - And, uh,

what if hypothetically, I don't know,

someone fabricated evidence all pointing

to this butthole teacher as suspect number one?

- Wait. Tanner, what?

- What if the same someone

that I had mentioned previously

created all these dummy accounts

and went to the shady back channels

to signal boost this intricate web uncovering

West Greenview's very own conspiracy theory

with Wayne and Wheeler in the center of it?

- You're trying to frame Wheeler for murder?

- Yeah. A little bit. - That's a bad idea.

- No, no, no. Hear me out.

All right, you know how rumors start at our school.

- Yeah. - By second period, everyone--

everyone will think that Wheeler's a murderer.

- Exactly. - But if anyone really

looked into it and saw the actual facts,

they'll realize that it's all made up and they'll debunk it,

and the whole school will just move on to the next scandal.

- No. - And then in the meantime,

Wheeler will look like a damn fool

and it'll be hilarious.

- No, absolutely not. - Just trust me.

Okay? By the end of the school day,

people will be talking about a million other things.

This won't be on their mind.

- Okay. Isn't this, like, illegal?

- All right. Well, then I'm sorry.

- I appreciate you having my back.

Okay. But this is just a lot.

- No, I'm sorry, because I just did it an hour ago.

- What? - Yeah.

- No. - Yeah.

- Shut it down. - I can't.

- Well, then delete it. - I can't.

- What do you mean? Why? - It's definitely too late.

- You made it. Delete it.

- The woman's already a meme.

[ominous music]

- Good morning, Helen.

- Principal Henderson.

- I see you got the first spot again.

- Yes, I did.

- This really should be the Principal's spot.

After all, I--I am in charge.

- Yes, you are,

just like Principal Westin before you

and Lopez and Morgan and Cyrus and, uh,

what was his name?

Yes, Higgins.

Oh, you must have left home in a rush.

Your tie is crooked.

- Well, have a good day, Mrs. Wheeler.

- The early bird catches the worm.

- Do you? [chuckling and muttering]

[on TV] - When we come back,

the county jabberwocky recitation contest

'twas brillig, and little Mo Baruch was the winner.

- Morning.

- Oh, uh, Mrs. Wheeler, sorry to bother you,

but my students keep stealing my dry erase markers.

I was hoping you could come by and tell 'em to stop.

- Get outta here.

And, uh,

there are spitballs in your hair.

[scoffs]

Five across is San Juan.

Slouching.

- Let me get that for you.

- Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Wheeler.

What happened in AP physics yesterday?

Are you really gonna fail 20 students?

- Well, if I allow a cheater to succeed,

I have failed.

What other options do I have? Right?

- Can you do that?

- Watch me.

God, this is crappy coffee.

- I made it. - You what?

- I hate it.

Yeah. I hate it.

- Jesus.

- I'm going to prison. - Relax.

There's no way they could trace it back to us.

I covered our tracks.

You know, I'm actually pretty good at this stuff.

- I'm a bad person, a really bad person with bad ideas

who just leads to bad things.

- Did you see Kirsten got injured?

They said he's gonna be out all season.

- I flushed him out with the flashbang

and then I no-scoped him in the dick.

It was very gratifying.

- I watched the replay on her Twitch.

She no-scoped me right in the dick.

I love her so much.

- I--

I don't understand.

- I guess the meme didn't take off.

No one's talking about it.

- These assholes should have eaten it right up.

I don't get it. - No. It's okay.

I'm glad you had my back regardless.

- It should have worked.

- This is great.

- Strips, please. - No chicken today.

It's spaghetti.

- Loretta, you're breaking my heart.

Today of all days

I really needed some deep poultry healing.

- What?

You're not gonna muscle me for extra garlic bread?

- Not today. - You're slipping.

Did somebody piss in your Cap'n Crunch?

- Good question. - I'll kill 'em.

Hang in there. - Thanks.

- I know, vegetarian.

- So I convinced Coach Ledbetter

to let Frock Swap open for the soccer game this Saturday.

- Those are at, like, 6:00 a.m.

- Think of it as, like, a rehearsal for the mini-tour.

Right?

You know, I think he may have gotten the impression

that we're gonna sing the national anthem,

so I guess we'll work that in somehow.

Come on, we can make Frock Swap stickers.

- Yeah. I guess. - Is this even real?

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

- Should we wear the same outfit?

I feel like we should wear the same outfit,

but that's too '90s, right?

Yeah. Yeah, we have to make sure

we bring all the equipment, right.

The--the-- the long extension cords.

- Check your phone right now.

Oh--

[all speaking at once]

- You knew! - Told you!

- Truth bomb. - Shut up for one second.

- Did you guys hear?

Turns out Wayne Lambert was murdered by Mrs. Wheeler.

This is huge.

- [huffs]

No. - Yes.

It worked.

- Hey, guys, Philip here.

I'm just digging into all of the evidence now.

There's all these photos of Wayne and Wheeler together

and phone records and letters, even videos.

Check it.

It's hard to believe, but the photos don't even lie.

Whoever leaked them, thank you.

Apparently, they were involved,

but whatever, it's fine.

I don't judge.

I mean, look at the president of France and his wife.

There's a 25-year age gap.

But in this case, it's a little bit different

because she did want to eat him.

The evidence, it's shocking.

- Yes. No way.

- "Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on.

"That's when you're the prettiest.

"I hope that you don't take it wrong.

- Wayne Lambert wrote that?

- That's Drake.

- Sir Francis Drake the explorer wrote that?

- Wayne Lambert,

our relationship didn't work out.

I hate you and you gotta die.

Don't show anyone this video.

- You deepfaked them?

Everyone's gonna recognize your voice.

- Nah, I fooled them. [laughs]

- Eventually, the relationship got pretty toxic,

and it was probably a crime of passion.

I'm just shocked nobody saw them.

- Thank you, Internet rumor mill.

I lit the fuse and now we watch Wheeler burn.

- No.

- You're a bad kisser.

And your breath smells like cat shit.

- Mrs. Wheeler deserves

whatever she has coming for her.

- Newton's law of cooling states...

that the rate at which convection cools a hot object

is proportional to the temperature difference

between the hot object and the ambient temperature.

So even in chaos, there's order.

For our lab today... - [coughing]

I will demonstrate-- - [coughing] Murderer.

- Once at a light boil,

you place a thermometer inside the water.

And then I will add a zinc cylinder

to the hot water and record the temperature change.

- [coughing] Wayne Lambert.

[all tittering]

- Who said that?

Seems to me someone is dying for a week's suspension.

So the next person who opens their mouth gets one.

You will respect me

and this class.

All right.

You will find an equilibrium has been reached.

- Justice for Wayne. - What?

- Where is Wayne? - Where is Wayne?

- Yeah. Yeah! Where's Wayne?

- We just want to know. And we deserve answers, okay?

- Yeah. - Where's Wayne?

- Where's Wayne? - That's enough.

- We all have to--

- Where was I? Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

So you will find-- you will find--

- [chanting] Where's Wayne?

- [chanting] Where's Wayne?

all: Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne?

Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne?

Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne?

Where's Wayne? Where's Wayne?

[dramatic music]

- Oh, no! I even heard about it in fifth period.

- Yeah, it was all over school.

Okay, It was great. She was so mad.

You should have seen her face.

Like, she couldn't do anything about it.

- We'll be at Saturday's school board meeting

where we will demand an end to plastics on campus.

Glass only.

Plus, everyone's talking about how Sherman Banks

ripped his pants in calculus.

- He went up to the board and he bent over

to grab a marker, and rip!

And the worst part is

he picked today to go commando--

full crack!

- It--it worked.

I mean, no one's talking about Wheeler anymore.

- Sunrise, sunset, as is the way.

- You beautiful degenerate.

Your plan went off without a hitch.

- Just goes to show that you should never doubt me ever.

The news cycle in high school is fast.

- Yeah. Poor Sherman.

- Eh. He knew the risks.

[eerie music]

[TV droning]

[phone ringing]

- Today is Toshanda Walls versus Jamie Walls.

- Yo. - Turn on Channel 4 News

right now.

- The allegations came to light from online sources.

- Oh, dude. That makes sense.

My phone's been blowing up with notifications.

- Public outcry to reopen... - Whoa.

- The missing person's case of Wayne Lambert.

- It's being shared like crazy.

- Yeah, I know. It's everywhere.

Okay, real news sites are running it,

like actual news sites.

- Has been a respected physics teacher in Greenview County

for a number of decades,

even though she had no respect for me.

- Boomers can't tell it's fake.

We've officially entered phase two.

- Phase two? Tanner, what the hell is phase two?

- Well, you know, the phase after phase one.

- Wh--what? - Don't worry about it, okay?

It's all going according to plan.

Just trust me. - Okay, let's talk tomorrow.

Okay? - All right. See ya.

- It's kind of wild to believe,

but I sure believe it.

When we come back, how the county's pumpkin--

- Ah, good morning, my guy.

- Good morning? Hey.

Hey. Tanner, Hey! - What?

- Hey, was this part of your plan?

- Mrs. Wheeler, we'd love a statement.

Why did you do it?

- Oh, is that Wheeler's husband?

Hate to say it, but she bagged a silver fox.

- Okay. What is going on, Tanner?

What is phase two? - All right.

Don't get mad at me, okay?

But I knew this was gonna happen.

I mean, adults are gullible. They're like sheep.

- Okay. We humiliated Wheeler.

We got what we wanted, right?

- No. We didn't get what we want.

She failed you when you did nothing wrong.

This isn't over until she gets fired.

- Fired? Dude, this is dangerous.

We have to stop.

- Getting her fired was your idea.

The train has left the station.

Now we just watch it run its course.

I designed this, and I wanna see this live.

- Li-- [car honking]

- You're listening to Crazy Carla and The Mouth.

- The Mouth.

- Did you go to West Greenview High, Mouth?

- There's only one high school in this town, Carla.

- I had Mrs. Wheeler when I was at West Greenview.

Now, I'm not gonna make unfounded accusations,

but I can say she's an evil ghoul

who murders children and haunts dreams.

[monstrous laughter]

- We're gonna take the 34th & - Whoo-hoo.

caller who has a Wheeler murder story

and give 'em two front row tickets to Monster Jam.

[airhorns blast]

- [imitating air horn] Dude, you should call.

You could get us some free tickets.

- No. I can't believe people think

she murders children, Tanner.

- No one really thinks she murdered children.

- It's on the radio. Everyone listens to the radio.

- No one listens to the radio. It's all good.

[tires screeching]

- Did you ever suspect your teacher could be a killer?

- Oh, my God. - What?

- She was always going, like,

"Learn the law of motion, or I'm gonna murder you."

Like, always saying stuff like that, right?

- Does anyone else have a comment?

- I'm surprised this news story actually caught on.

I mean, we've known about this for years.

- #WheresWayne.

- #BelieveKids.

- Why is he hashtagging?

- She also wears these really thick black leather gloves.

And I don't think anyone's ever seen her take them off.

I've heard it's because she got a hand transplant

from a really bad car accident

and the hands were from a serial killer.

[all exclaiming, gasping]

- No way. - No way.

[TV droning]

- Chilling.

- They can't put it on the news if it's not true.

- I mean, she's a hard ass,

but there's just not enough evidence.

- Where Wayne Lambert's childhood scout master--

- You know? - Evidence can be erased,

like in JFK.

- Whoa. - Where's the evidence?

- Where is the evidence? - They don't know.

They never even had his body.

You know, I heard they put stuff in the water.

- You know that there are several chips

inside of us following us.

- Yeah.

- What are your thoughts on 9/11?

- I didn't like it.

- Whoa. I didn't either.

- You know, her husband is the sweetest guy ever.

But not her.

She's a nightmare.

- What? I'll have to call you back.

- This is out of hand. Some sick joke.

Clearly, it's the work of disgruntled students.

We have to find them and expel them.

- Have you seen the news?

This does not look good, Helen.

Lots of bad press for the school.

Maybe it'd be easier to just

let the whole thing blow over.

Take a few days off.

You do have four decades of sick leave built up.

- I am not gonna take a leave of absence

because some degenerate thinks it's funny

to float around some false accusations

that you are too cowardly to address.

- What do you expect me to do?

The school board is launching

a full-fledged internal investigation.

- Listen, you low-life pretend academic insect.

I have worked my entire career--

that's 40 years-- and now you are telling me

that, uh, that doesn't matter anymore because of what?

Some lies?

[school bell rings]

I don't have time for this.

Someone in this school, maybe even in this classroom,

has started a rumor about me.

This absurd lie has begun to affect my life

both professionally and personally.

So I am forced to confront it.

It is merely an attempt to hurt me

and damage a reputation

that I have spent decades cultivating.

I will find the ones responsible,

and I will end it.

This is the last I will speak on this matter.

Understood?

- Yes.

- Mr. Palmer...

[all gasping]

Did you have something to share?

- N--no. No, I was--

I was actually agreeing with you.

Those photos look really fake.

- Are you mocking me, Mr. Palmer?

- No. No, not at all.

Um, I actually believe you. I--I know you're innocent.

- This is serious, Mr. Palmer. Some bells can't be unrung.

- I know. - Oh, really?

Do you know that? There are people out there

who legitimately believe that I ended this young man's life.

There's a version of this story

where I skin this poor boy alive.

I cooked him and ate him.

Another says that I kept the head in a jar as a trophy.

Does any of this sound funny to you?

- No. - And if people think

that I am capable of such heinous crimes,

what do they think I would do to students

who mock and belittle me?

What would I, an apparent murderer,

do to you, Mr. Palmer?

Hmm?

- Nothing, because you're not a murderer.

- Use your imagination.

I mean, would it be a strangulation, a stabbing?

Oh, would I use my car?

There are so many possibilities.

Or...

I would burn out your eye sockets

And I would increase the heat very slowly

so that your brain would boil in your skull.

Hey, that's thermodynamics.

You think I would do something like that?

Well, you're right.

I'm not a monster.

I'll just stick to teaching.

I would burn out your eye sockets,

burn out your eye sockets, burn out your eye sockets.

- I mean, it definitely makes her look more guilty.

Also--[laughs]

All right, check this out.

- It's been shared 40,000 times.

- Isn't that sick? - No. No.

- I mean, boomers are just so, so, so very dumb

and afraid of everything, so--

- They're going to execute a teacher

that we framed for an imaginary murder.

Okay, her ghost will kill me and then--

and then I'll be stuck with her in the afterlife forever.

- Oh, come on. - That's what's gonna happen.

- No, no, no. - Yes, that's--

- It's just social media and the local news.

The police are not gonna get involved.

All right? There's no way they're gonna--

- We gotta go. - What's happening?

- What--what's going on? - Hey, you!

- What's going on?

- The police are getting involved in this.

- [laughing] - No, no, no, no.

- I refuse.

I refuse to give validity to this ridiculous situation.

- We don't have to make this difficult, but we will.

- Oh, get outta my way. I'm going home.

- Ma'am. - Oh. Oh. Oh!

- All right. All right. I got it.

Look, ma'am, I'm sorry.

Listen, this is what's happening.

You're coming downtown with us today.

Now, you can either make a scene

for all of your students to see...

Or you can come with me quietly.

I won't even use the cuffs. How about that?

- I have to lock my office.

- Yeah, by all means.

Was that powerful?

- We don't have to call for backup.

I think we got this.

[indistinct chatter]

- You know what? Before we get out there--

[all cheering and chattering]

- You said you wouldn't.

- I did. I did, and I lied to you.

[all heckling]

- Put her away.

[all cheering]

- I had Wheeler as a kid, so this is a big moment for me.

- Are you sure about this?

- We delete everything you can,

and then we post a full confession, okay?

- But nothing even really happened.

She's not gonna get fired. It was just a joke.

- Wheeler is in police custody, Tanner.

- I can't believe I did all this in two days.

Can you imagine if I had more time and resources?

I wonder if I could hack an electrical grid.

- Okay, focus. - It's the Internet, Ben.

All right, you can't really get rid of anything.

I mean, I can upload the digital trail

and original photos through a dummy account,

re-routing it so our names aren't attached.

I mean, are you positive?

- Do it.

- [breathes deeply]

You were so beautiful, but too powerful

for this dumb, dumb, super dumb world.

And I created you and now I have to destroy you.

I'm so sorry. Just close your eyes

and I'll make it fast.

- Do it. - Okay. Okay.

Just have some reverence.

[winces]

There,

the deed is done.

- Good. Whew.

- Wanna watch Twitch?

- Sure. - All right.

[instigative music]

- Reporting live

from West Greenview County police station.

A small group of protestors has formed

as local high school teacher, Helen Wheeler,

leaves the Greenview County police station.

Last night, the Twitter account

that started the whole investigation appeared

to be hacked, posting doctored photos

of Helen's presumed innocence.

Journalists are supposed to remain objective,

but as a former student of Wheeler's,

I believe with all my heart

that she is a filthy, filthy murderer.

Back to you in the studio.

- Thank you very much, Debbie. - God.

- I also had Mrs. Wheeler.

[phone ringing]

- Yo. - You seeing this?

- An alleged murderer or these people?

But we do know who's louder.

- No one believes us. - Oh, yeah.

I've completely lost control of the narrative.

- What are we gonna do? - Dude,

I was gonna ask you that.

- We'll talk about it at school, okay?

Just don't do anything stupid.

- Right. See ya.

- Hey, you.

- Hi. - You good?

- Yeah. Doing--doing great.

- Ben,

you can tell me anything, you know.

I mean, be careful, 'cause I am wearing a wire.

- Um, actually, there was one thing--

- Oh, my God.

This is insane what is happening to her.

- Yeah.

- I had Wheeler at West Greenview too.

She was tough then. I'm sure she's tough now.

But she's not a murderer.

This seems like a stupid senior prank to me.

Some kids, man, they just take it too far.

- More on that tonight at seven.

- Mom, I--I got to go.

- Okay. - Love you.

- Love you. - Bye.

- Bye.

[ominous music]

- Shit.

Burn out your eye sockets. - [chuckling]

- Burn out your eye sockets. Burn out your eye sockets.

[video continues]

- Oh.

Please, have a seat.

You must be exhausted.

How are you holding up?

- I'm fine.

- Uh-huh. The big house.

Jail.

- They will do their investigation.

They will clear me of all charges.

And then it will be all over.

- Hmm.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, Helen.

Um--

oh, hard candy?

- No. - Oh.

The board had an emergency meeting last night,

and they were very passionate.

They were not too jazzed that one of our teachers

is the suspect in a murder investigation.

- I am innocent.

- Helen. - I have done nothing

but mold young minds my entire adult life.

- I know that. Who knows that more than me?

But the board.

It's time to pass the torch.

- You can't force me into retirement.

- Helen, I'm asking as a friend.

Well, I'm not really asking.

The board wants me to let you go

and to gut the science program until the end of the semester.

The show choir wants new risers

and a smoke machine,

and they won't stop until they get it.

Now, they are the real bad guys here.

Show choir, menace.

- I'll tell you what.

I'll do what you asked before.

I will take a leave of absence until it blows over.

- It's too late for that.

- Teaching is my life.

Don't take it away from me.

- My hands are tied.

The board.

Please, have a root beer barrel.

As many as you like.

I insist.

[eerie music]

- Remember when we were in second grade

and Jamie Mitchell pushed me off that swing?

And I said I wish she would die,

and then her dog got hit by that bus?

- Yeah, we sent her flowers

and offered to take care of her funeral arrangements.

- Like, I knew that my wish didn't send that bus

to kill her poor little dog, but I don't know.

I just couldn't help but shake the feeling

that I was responsible, you know?

- Didn't you offer to, like,

be her dog until her grief passed?

- It was actually kind of fun.

- Yeah. It was weird.

- We have to tell everyone that it was us.

- Ben, the damage has been done.

You--you can't unopen the open box.

- Sure, you can. You just close it.

They open and close. - No, no.

- That's how boxes work. - It's already open.

It's already open. - No, you close it.

- No--yeah, then you-- it's already open.

- What we did was wrong. Okay?

We had an old lady fired from her job.

- No. She's been terrorizing students for years.

All right, she's had it coming.

- Well, I know, but I just can't help

but think of Jamie Mitchell's dog, okay?

- It's over.

Okay?

And confessing now changes nothing.

- Hey, whatever after-school special

you two are whining over, can it be over now?

I gotta mop.

- Sure. - Hey, fast.

Come on. I don't get paid by the hour.

Leave your Pokémon cards. Let's go.

- Have a great day, Loretta.

- Stop sucking up.

- No way. - No way.

- Okay, students.

Quiet down, please.

I'm sure you've all heard by now

that Mrs. Wheeler is no longer teaching here.

[quiet oohing]

Yes? - Is it true she cried

when you fired her?

- No comment.

- Uh, Principle Henderson, could you fire Mr. Garner too?

He's also a jerk.

[laughter]

- Another excellent question.

No, I cannot.

Yes? - Yeah.

Do we still have to take the test next week?

With all this murder stuff, I'm emotionally unprepared.

- So many good questions. Such a smartass.

Listen, I don't want all of this unpleasantness

to affect our overall GPA.

So I've decided to wipe the slate clean.

[all cheering]

But one thing, I do expect you all to study, though.

Until we find a substitute, I will be teaching this class.

Now, my knowledge of physics is, um,

somewhat, um, limited.

But the school does have an expansive library of VHS.

So today we will be watching

the 1997 Robin Williams classic, "Flubber."

But I have to find the TV.

Oh, that's locked. Okay.

[laughs] Oh, dear.

Ah! And here we are.

I have the VHS right on my desk.

We'll be watching it momentarily.

In the DVD--

in the DVD.

Oh, find it on YouTube. [school bell ringing]

Or over the weekend. Whatever.

[instigative music]

- We got this. - Game starts in ten minutes.

You're gonna sing the National Anthem, right?

both: Right.

- Okay.

- Um.

Did you get the extension cord?

- Shit. It's in my car.

- Well, we can go get it, right?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Come on, guys,

you gotta get a move on.

The soccer fans are waiting.

- Oh, okay. Then we'll-- then we'll just project.

We'll project. Yeah, we got this.

- Yeah. Yeah, okay. - We got this.

Come on. Come on. - Okay.

- Okay. - All right. Yeah.

both: We fly.

- Come on. Let's do this thing.

- All right, Tad Galkins

soccer/frisbee golf Memorial Field!

Nothing will prepare you for...

- Frock Swap!

both: Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

[silence]

Whoa, what? Pineapple, oh, no

If you really like it

[silence]

Hell no, if you really like it, it's time to go

Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

- What you doing today?

[silence]

- Whoop! - Should we get some pizza?

- Brrr-ah! - Sure.

Let's get some pizza. - Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew--

- I'm calling up.

[phones buzzing and chiming]

[indistinct chatter]

- Mushrooms. And some pineapple too, maybe.

I don't know. - Maybe?

[indistinct chatter] - Yeah, maybe.

Maybe that's what I want. Yeah!

Pineapple, hell no, if you really--

- Hey, cut the music. - If you really--

what, what, what?

- What's going on?

- Mrs. Wheeler's husband died.

- Wow, um-- - Breaking news.

Accused murder suspect Helen Wheeler's husband,

George Wheeler, has just died.

No word yet on cause of death, but things just seem

to get curiouser and curiouser for Mrs. Helen Wheeler.

- Ladies and gentlemen. - Wait.

- It's not on.

- No, it doesn't work. - No, it's not on.

- Ladies and gentlemen... - It's not--

- I think it is appropriate that we take a moment

of silence in remembrance of George Wheeler.

That's enough. Okay, game on!

Let's do this. - Um--

- I mean, our performance wasn't so bad.

Come on. - Yeah.

The ref liked it, Tanner.

- He's cool. He does the worm.

- Sure.

- Look, I know what you're worried about, okay?

And you don't gotta stress out about that.

It's just some weird, crappy coincidence.

- No.

I'm gonna tell Wheeler everything.

- No, man. We can't.

Like, seriously, don't worry about it.

It's not your fault. Wheeler's in the wrong here.

In fact, it might have been karma, you know?

'Cause Wheeler failed you for no reason.

And that's effed up. She shouldn't have done that.

- Tanner, I-- - Am I right?

You're fine. - I cheated on the test.

- What?

- I'm the cheater. Okay?

My scholarship was riding on it.

My whole life banked on it.

I needed an A on my midterms, so I cheated.

- Why didn't you just tell me that, bro?

- You wouldn't understand.

- Bro, it's not about the cheating.

It's about the fact that you lied to me

and I'm your best friend, dude.

I went to war for you.

- And I didn't ask you to.

- You didn't ask me to? - No.

- Dude, you're always like this.

You always make me do the dirty work for you.

And you used me, bro.

- Oh, I used you? - Yeah, you used me,

'cause you're too perfect to do anything for yourself.

- Tanner, Miss "Oh, I'm too cool for school.

"I could go to any college I want.

"I'm so smart. But you know what?

"I'm so scared of failure that I don't even try.

Okay, I sit on my ass all day and wait--"

- I just sit on my ass all day and do nothing?

Bro, look at what I did for you.

- Yeah, and look where are now.

- For you. - Okay, I tell you,

this is a bad idea.

"Let's not do this. Let's not do this."

But what do you do?

You do it anyway. Okay?

Because you care more

about having fun than-- than being safe,

than being careful and planning

shit out for your future.

Okay, I wanna go places. - I get that...

- I wanna go to college. - You didn't wanna do that.

- I wanna do what my dad would be happy about, okay?

But all you wanna do is stay here

and I can't do that forever, Tanner.

We can't do this "we fly" shit forever.

- Dude, we spent our whole lives doing Frock Swap.

- We're not fucking 12, Tanner.

[soft dramatic music]

- You know what?

- What?

- You're the shittiest friend in the whole world.

- Oh, I'm a shitty friend?

- This is what I get for trying to help you.

You don't even say thank you.

You're such a selfish asshole, man.

- Me? - Yes, you're making this

whole thing about you.

I was doing this because I was trying to help you.

- Oh, and look where it got us.

- Well, you know what? If you told me the truth,

maybe this wouldn't have happened.

- Okay, I'm done, Tanner.

- No, I'm done first.

Selfish prick.

- Hey, did you eat?

- Not hungry.

- Where's Tanner?

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Understood.

Ben, things happen.

Apologies always make me feel better.

Hey, bring flowers.

Women like flowers.

[tense music]

- What do you want?

- I'm so sorry about your husband.

- Is that it?

- Can I talk to you?

[door creaks open]

[eerie music]

Wow.

- What did you expect?

- I--I don't know what I was expecting.

- Sit.

- Your gloves.

- Oh, yes. Keeps the students guessing,

and I love it when they squirm.

[laughs]

So I've had hundreds of students in my life,

but this is the first time I've ever had one in my house.

- That's awful.

- Oh, no, no, no, no. I understand.

You know, they all think I'm a monster

or a villain or a dragon.

I get it.

- Wow. Um...

You know, I'm--I'm really sorry you can't teach anymore.

- I appreciate that.

I like you.

- Me? I--

- You know, you're one of my favorites, Mr. Palmer.

That's why I was so tough on you.

I needed to know whether you were gonna bend or break.

- Wow. Um...

- You have to understand that the thrill of teaching for me

is pushing my students to their limits

to see how far they will go.

I mean, some rise to the challenges that I pose,

and others disappear.

- So what are you gonna do now?

- Well, I spent every summer vacation

on the back of George's motorcycle

crisscrossing the country.

Actually, it would be a nice way to retire,

except that, uh...

I can't do that anymore.

- Mrs. Wheeler, I-- I have something to tell you.

- I know. - You know?

- You are the cheater.

- I am.

Wait, how--how'd you know?

- Janitor Joe found a cheat sheet in the trash

in a folder that was marked "Just in case."

You really do back up everything.

- There's actually something else I need to tell you.

[phone ringing] - Oh.

That must be the mortuary.

I'll be right back.

- Sure.

Helen Wheeler, you are full of surprises.

Ugh!

Shoot.

[ominous music]

[huffs]

- Ben?

Would you like some lemonade?

- Wait, what?

It's cold.

[dramatic music]

- Ben?

[toilet flushes]

- Sorry. I was in the restroom.

I couldn't hear you.

- Ice-cold lemonade.

- You know, I really should get going.

It's almost dinnertime.

- It's 3:00 PM.

- And I eat early.

- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

[door shuts]

[knocking frantically]

- All right, I'm coming.

Jesus Christ.

- Wheeler's a murderer, like a real murderer for real.

- God. What the hell?

- Okay, I found Wayne Lambert's head in her house.

- Oh, just the head? - Yes.

- Just the head? - Yes.

- No body. Just the head.

- Tanner, I'm not joking.

Please.

- I knew it. You know what?

I knew it, like, deep down, I knew it.

Let's go call the cops. Let's go.

- What? - Right now.

Let's go call the cops.

[phone ringing]

- Greenview County PD.

- I would like to report a murder.

Helen Wheeler killed Wayne Lambert.

His head is in her house.

- Penal code 148.5 makes it illegal

to falsify a police report,

punishable by up to six months in jail.

If that sounds comfortable to you.

- No, I'm not lying.

My friend saw the head. - Yeah. Yeah. It's true.

It's Wayne Lambert. His head is in her house.

- Oh, wow. Oof. That sounds really crazy.

Only except they found Wayne Lambert this morning.

- What?

- Yeah, uh, it's all over the news.

Maybe you should turn on the television.

Stop prank calling the station.

Okay, 'cause we need this line open.

There could be an actual emergency.

- Mr. Lambert, how difficult was it to leave the cult?

- I just kind of, like, walked away.

I mean, they don't know that I'm gone.

It's like everything good about NXIVM...

- Dude, this is impossible. - Mixed with Heaven's Gate,

but keto.

- You heard it here first, folks.

Wayne Lambert is alive and well.

Was there something else? - Yeah, you should come.

- Oh, thank you. - It was his head.

- I feel like you'd be really good at yoga.

- This doesn't make any sense. - I, for one,

believe the residents of West Greenview

owe Ms. Wheeler a huge apology.

- Thank you very much, Debbie.

Well, you heard it here, folks.

Wayne Lambert alive and well, or at least just alive.

Wasn't that far away-- - Oh, my gosh.

- Dude.

- What? - Look.

- Wheeler's off the hook.

The Internet has turned. It's turned.

- But how?

- Everyone thinks Wheeler's innocent.

- Well, do your thing. Make the web.

- No, man. No one's gonna buy that.

Everyone thinks it's fake.

- But it's not fake, not anymore.

- All right. I hate to say this right now,

but this is exactly what I said would happen.

You know, back when we thought

we were framing an innocent woman.

Simpler times.

- Yeah, but I saw it. Okay, the head.

I guess I finally cracked.

I'm hallucinating. - Wait a second.

Philip did mention missing students.

Just let me see the open missing person cases.

- Philip's livestreaming.

- Looks like Wayne Lambert pulled a "Wild, Wild Country."

He joined a cult two towns over.

- Some of 'em are almost 40 years old.

- I knew there'd be more than one twist to this story,

but could it really be the end of it?

- Let me just cross-reference that.

Bam.

Eight missing West Greenview High students.

And they all have one thing in common.

They all took Wheeler.

- So that wasn't Wayne's head.

That was one of theirs.

- Mm-hmm.

- What are we gonna do?

[school bell rings]

- All right. We need real evidence,

and it's all in that house.

- Okay, so how do we get it? How do we stop her?

I don't know. I mean,

sooner or later, she has to leave, right?

We could just break in.

What if she has moved the head by now?

- Why? It's not like she knows you know.

- She doesn't know that you know.

- So as long as she doesn't know

that we both know, we'll be fine.

- Okay. Yeah.

- Last week was a crazy time here at West Greenview.

Accusations were cast, suspicions were flamed.

People jumped to ludicrous conclusions.

I think everyone owes Mrs. Wheeler

an apology.

The board has reinstated Mrs. Wheeler.

So hopefully we can put this whole ugliness behind us,

drop any wrongful termination lawsuits

that might be pending,

and just pretend like it--

like it didn't happen in the first place.

Mrs. Wheeler, I'll leave you to it.

- Bet you've missed me.

[laughs] Well, don't worry.

You're in for a real treat.

Mr. Palmer.

[students gasping]

Yes, you, stand up against the wall.

Can you do it a little faster, please?

I will now demonstrate

the conservation of mechanical energy.

So when I release the ball,

it creates a pendulum effect.

It swings from gravitational potential energy

to kinetic energy and back.

Do you trust physics, Mr. Palmer?

- No, wait.

[all oohing]

[laughter]

- Yeah, science!

- Whoo!

And she was like this-- - Yeah.

- This close from, like & - I know.

- Bashing my head in. - I know.

You told me all about it.

- You should have seen the look in her eyes.

- No one believes us, all right?

We have to do this.

We have to prove to everyone that she's a killer.

- I don't know about this, Tanner.

- What? - This, okay?

I'm scared.

- I'm scared too, bro.

- I think I'm gonna throw up.

- It's gonna be okay, all right?

- Promise? - Yeah.

It's gonna be okay.

- Okay.

- You know, it'd be nice if you said it back.

- It's gonna be okay. - All right. Thanks.

- It's gonna be okay. - Jeez.

Is that so much to ask?

- It's gonna be okay. - Yeah. It's gonna be okay.

- All right. Okay.

[suspenseful music]

God, this is taking so long.

Tanner, wake up. - What? I was up.

- Why are you sleeping? - I was totally up.

- Shh. - My eyes were--sorry.

- Tell me the plan again.

- [sighs] Your mom.

- Oh, yeah. I think she's working the overnight shift.

I'll give her a text to let her know

I'm staying at your place.

- No, dude. Your mom.

What is she doing here? - What?

I'll call her. - Yeah.

[phone trilling]

- Pick up, pick up, pick up.

- Sh-- it's Wheeler.

- Oh, no.

She left the door open.

- Mr. Palmer, Ms. Tanner. Trouble always comes in pairs.

We've been expecting you. Please, have a seat.

- Mom, can we talk to you outside?

- Ben, don't be rude. Sit down.

[tea kettle whistling] - Oh, I'll be just a minute.

- She's a murderer. She's got heads in the closet.

- Okay, we have to get out of here.

Do not drink any--

- I am so disappointed in both of you.

Cheating?

Mrs. Wheeler told me everything.

- No-- - And Tanner, I know

that you think this is fun and games, but it's fraud.

You guys framed an innocent woman.

- But Mom-- - Sit down and be quiet.

I am trying to smooth everything over

so you don't get expelled or arrested.

- Mom, no-- - I don't wanna hear it.

- Watch her every move.

- I ain't drinking that poison, yo.

[eerie music]

- So...

you know, your mother was in my class once upon a time.

- Your AP physics. That was my gateway science.

Then I took anatomy, and that led me to nursing.

- Oh, Julia.

- Julie. - Julie.

Oh, Julie, you're one of the good ones.

Like your son.

He came to see me the other day with flowers

for my George.

- Well, we know how hard it is to lose someone.

- Oh, he was-- he was magnificent.

What a guy. We shared everything.

- Everything, including hobbies?

- [laughs] Really.

You know, even the happily married woman has her secrets.

I mean, we must have a little mystery

to keep the romance going, if you know what I mean.

Oh, what are we waiting for?

Salute.

- No! - Benji!

- Um--um, I have to go to the restroom.

- I also have to go to the restroom.

- So just put the tea down,

wait for us to come back,

and we can all enjoy tea together.

Please.

- It's down the hallway on the right.

Not the left.

[dramatic music]

- Shit.

both: Dude. - We don't have long,

and we need a plan.

- Okay, I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think.

- I mean, even your mom loves Wheeler now.

- Okay, we could livestream our own murders,

and people would still think it's fake.

- Okay. That's a bad idea.

Um, let me think. Let me think.

Ooh! It seems like we need someone

with a big mouth with bolt cutters.

- What? - Right?

- No. No, no, no. We have to get out the truth--

the whole truth.

- Ah, I got it. - What?

- I got an idea.

[phone trilling]

- You know, it's really rude to FaceTime someone

with no warning.

You're lucky I picked up. - No, shut up and listen.

We framed Wheeler. Okay?

I started the conspiracy theory with dummy accounts.

- Yeah, and I cheated on the physics midterm, okay?

And Wheeler was gonna fail the whole class,

so I wanted revenge.

- Okay.

Ew. Where are you guys right now?

- Okay, Philip, we don't have long.

If you want an exclusive access to our full confession,

you have to come over here right now.

- And we have real evidence.

Okay. Trust me. I'm gonna send you the address

and bring bolt cutters.

- Bolt cutters? Kinky. I'm in.

- Oh, my God.

Just shut up and come over here.

- Okay. Okay.

This will work. This will work.

We just got to make sure Wheeler's distracted

for a bit longer, right?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- All right. - Hey, Tanner.

- Yeah.

- I appreciate you believing me about all this.

Ow.

- Dude, of course. This is a murderer.

It beats whatever dumb fight we were having.

- Okay. - Wait.

Promise me that you'll do the summer mini-tour with me.

- We fly.

Mom? Mom.

- Can we drop the silly façade now?

- What did you do to her?

- I don't think she's gonna wake up for a while.

She'll probably forget our conversation

about how troubled you and Ms. Tanner are,

and how I fear you might harm yourselves or become runaways.

I'll have to remind her.

- You know what? It's two on one,

and we didn't drink any of your tea.

- Now, what made you think that I did anything...

To the tea?

I love thermodynamics.

Did you know that you could soak all sorts of chemicals

through your pores?

Skin is very, very absorbent.

Now, I'm aware that some compounds take

a little more time to take effect.

[chaotic music]

[echoing] All sorts of nasty things.

I should have upped the dosage.

Can you still feel your legs?

- [laughing]

- Sweet dreams.

- Let's clobber her.

- Yeah. That's--

[eerie music]

[laughing]

[rock music blaring]

[tense music]

[rock music continues faintly]

- [grunts]

Tanner, wake up.

[panting]

[rock music blaring]

[music stops]

Tanner? Where are we? Tanner, wake up, please.

- Your little friend is sedated.

She can barely move her legs.

[knocking on door]

You make one sound, I'll take it out on her.

[door opens]

- Mrs. Wheeler.

- Joe.

- You're here late.

- Yeah. I'm working on my lesson plan.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Can I get the trash for you?

- No, won't be necessary. Thank you.

- [grunting]

- Hey, um, I just want to say that, uh,

I feel really badly about everything that happened,

and, um, I want you to know that I was on your side,

'cause, you know, you're the best.

- Well, I--I appreciate that.

- Don't work too late. You going to the club?

- Yo, what's up? You've reached Tanner.

Not here.

Leave a message and I'll call you back or not.

- Ha-ha. You got me.

Really lame prank, though. No one was even home.

- One last lesson, Mr. Palmer.

If only you had confessed.

- Please, Mrs. Wheeler.

- But you didn't, you little devil.

You doubled down and framed me for murder.

I was gonna give you an F.

Hardly a proportional response, right?

But you know what?

You turned the class against me.

You had me fired.

And then...

you found my head.

You've seen my hall of fame.

These are the ones who didn't make the cut.

Now you know my secret.

- Tanner, Tanner. Tanner, Tanner.

- Oh, I'm fucked.

- Hello. - [gasps]

- Remember me, Mrs. Tanner?

You are truly special, because I have never collected

one person who is not a student of mine.

Well done.

- Mrs. Wheeler, please don't hurt her.

It was a joke.

- And it was funny.

I thought it was especially funny

when my George died.

- That wasn't us.

- He had a bad heart,

and he died because of the stress

that you caused him.

- Mrs. Wheeler, I'm sorry.

We didn't kill your husband.

- You think this is funny?

- [screams]

- Ah, shut up, you little fucks.

- I'm sorry I got you into this.

- It's okay. I'm sorry I got you into this.

[rock music blaring]

What are we gonna do?

We gotta get out of here.

I think I can feel my feet again.

They're tingly.

- Come on, Tanner. Come on.

- I'm trying.

[gasps]

- You're first up, Mei Tanner.

[both grunting]

What are you doing? [yells]

Ow! Ah.

[suspenseful music]

- [screams]

- Hey!

- Go, go.

- It's locked. It's locked!

- The windows. The windows. - Okay.

- Janitor Joe! - Loretta!

[muffled] Help!

- I'm just saying, hire another janitor, you know?

- Sure. - It's enough.

- Absolutely. - I can't do the whole thing.

- No. Do you know that there's

actually no chicken in the chicken strips at all?

- Help! - They can't hear us.

[buzzsaw whirring] - [gasps]

I got some--there's rope! I got something.

- Think, think. Uh...

I have an idea.

- Oh, shit.

Wait, wait.

- I hope this works 'cause I want to live,

but you should totally get an A in physics, dude.

Okay.

both: We fly.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, my God.

[phone buttons beeping]

Hello. Yeah.

I have to report a decapitation.

West Greenview High.

Yeah. There's a head on my car right now.

You have to come right-- oh, my God!

- Take it easy, Joe. Come on.

- Oh, my God! - Take it easy.

- There's a head on my car.

[scraping]

- Oh, shit. - Go.

Go, go, go.

[dramatic music]

[metal clanging]

[door creaks]

[panting]

- [breathing shakily]

[door opens]

[scraping]

[screams]

- [grunts] - Ah!

- [yelling and panting]

[slapping on door]

[siren wailing]

[upbeat music]

- In other news, notorious serial killer

Helen Wheeler was arraigned in federal court today.

While it remains unclear how she was able

to evade detection for so long

whilst hiding in plain sight--

- Ben.

I was thinking, maybe we go shopping this weekend.

Get some supplies for your dorm.

You up for it? - Sure.

Thanks, Mom.

- [singing] Bad things happen to the people you love

And you'll find yourself praying

- There you go, po po.

- [singing] Up to heaven above

But honestly, I've never had much sympathy

- Yo.

Time waits for no one. Let's go.

- See you tonight, po po. Love you.

- [singing] Run run away, run away, run away and never come back

Run run away, run run away

- Principal Henderson. - Hey.

- Looks like somebody got the good spot today.

- [laughing] Yeah.

[school bell ringing]

[all cheering]

- [singing] Run run away, run run away

Run away, run away and never look back

Run run away, run run away

Run away, show 'em that your color is black

I'm gonna run run away, run run away

- Oh, my gosh.

- Yeah. I'm never gonna get used to that.

- Yeah. Uh, see you at lunch?

- Of course.

all: One of us. One of us. One of us.

- Come on. all: One of us. One of us.

- Yeah! - One of us.

- Whoo!

- I didn't know I wasn't one of you guys, but this is nice.

- Oh, I'm sorry we've never let you sit here.

- I'm Joe, by the way. - Joe.

- Yeah. - Thank you.

[school bell rings]

- Did you guys hear about Scott Queen

and Derek Potter's moms?

Well, they had an affair last summer

and now during every soccer game,

they sext each other

while their husbands scream at the ref.

Kaylee Anderson has a screenshot

of one of the sexts; it's highly erotic.

- I guess we're anonymous again.

- Eh, the cycle rolls on.

Chicken strips, please and thank you.

Come on.

After all that we've been through,

we don't get an extra strip?

- Unless you've gotten the school to increase my budget,

there's only two strips per kid.

- Oh, come on.

We took down West Greenview's biggest threat.

Can't you make an exception?

- Great. I got you on me too?

I guess trouble always comes in pairs.

Sorry about Wheeler. Too bad, huh?

You know what? I gotta fess up.

Truth is I can give you as much chicken as you want.

I just wanna see what you do.

Even in chaos, there's order.

[eerie music]

Enjoy your lunch.

[dramatic music]

[both singing] - Let's go, Frock Swap

- Mrow - Yeah, yeah, yeah

Get ready - Wom, wom

- Frock Swap

both: Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

Pineapple, hell no

If you really like it, it's time to go

- What's your stakeout code name?

- That's a tough question.

You know, 'cause there's so many--

- Yeah. - So many great--Bobcat.

- [gasps] [growls]

Love it. - Great. What about you?

- Stingray. - Stingray.

- Stingray. [imitates zapping]

- Okay. And bye.

But you're not putting this away?

I have to put this away? "Thank you, Mom.

You're the best mom in the universe."

- Gluten-free?

I have nothing for you.

[laughter]

[laughs]

- But in this case, it's a little bit different,

because she did want to eat him.

Old people are weird.

- I got it. - You're sure?

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love this.

I love doing this. This is why I got into this.

Yeah, this is it.

This is really great for me.

- I flushed him out with a flashbang,

and then I no-scoped him in the dick.

Yeah, it was very gratifying.

- Oh, Principal-- Principal Henderson.

- Yes. - Is it "Flubber" with two Bs?

- You're kidding me, right?

Just say no.

- This stinks.

Smells like a devil pissed in it.

- Wait, what?

- Doesn't look like anything I've ever seen.

- Yeah. Right? - Devil's piss.

- Yeah. This is devil's piss.

- [laughing]

- And now for an editorial from yours truly.

Jumping to conclusions, we all do it.

We've all done it. We're doing it right now.

How do we stop?

And is it really that bad?

- There's these Swiss banks that are hidden in the Alps.

- What? Like, in the mountains?

- Yeah. And the bad guys put the money

and you can't get to it.

- Whoa. Do you have to, like,

ski down it and know a code?

- You can't--you can't even. - Who knows?

We don't even know.

- You can't even do that. - Can't even ski?

- No. - Oh, man.

- They're prepared for that. They have it on lockdown.

[all speaking at once]

- You killed her. You killed her!

- Little asshole.

[laughter]

Do you trust physics, Mr. Connor?

Ooh! [spluttering]

[laughter]

- Mrs. Palmer.

Ah, shit. That's my name.

- What the--what the--

What was--

This head keeps hitting us.

- I wanna tase her.

- She flipped me off. - Yeah.

Well-- - Hey, gang.

How we doing? - Yeah.

- Another positive cop interaction.

- Indeed. - Tell your friends.

- You know, her husband, he's the sweetest guy ever,

but not her.

She's terrible to everybody.

Just a nightmare.

Just freaked everybody out all the time.

You know.

And, uh, like, that's why we have to have her back

no matter what she did.

So I--yeah.

- And she's the killer. - [gasps]

- Maybe not that big. - [laughs]

- Shit. Son of a bitch.

- [laughs] Shake it.

- That's not-- give a break.

- Wayne Lambert wrote that?

- That's Drake.

- Wayne Lambert is Drake?

Probably not. You're right. That's--

- Yeah. - Drake's Canadian.

[indistinct chatter]

- Yep. That's the only reason why.

- I--I just don't--

I'll have to call you back.

[door slams] [clattering]

- This--[laughing] I'm sorry!

Oh, shit.

I'm a goner.

I'll be just a minute.

[laughter]

- She touched her own tea.

- But I'm a dancer. You don't understand.

- She dances out of the room. - You don't understand.

[humming]

[both vocalizing]

- Can you take it away from the door for a second?

You need a break, Rita?

- Oh, no. I was acting. [laughter]

So--oh, oh. God.

Ah, Jesus.

- Mrs. Wheeler. - What, what, what--

- Mrs. Wheeler. - Why--why--

- Do you--do you need help, Mrs. Wheeler?

- [laughing] - Okay.

- I'm breaking myself up.

That's stupid.

[laughter]

- I love it. - Okay, cut.

[laughter]

- Dude, get the hell outta here.

Okay, why are you--go.

- You guys stayed for all of this?

- Like, I--I was being the nice guy...

- All of this? - For, like--for funsies.

But like, come on. - I can't believe it.

- Like, it's enough, man.