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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:42,544 I am sorry, sweetie. 2 00:00:42,577 --> 00:00:44,177 Sorry, sweetie. You are way too drunk. 3 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,780 But I don't want to go home! 4 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,515 I know you don't want to go home, but it's time to go. 5 00:00:47,549 --> 00:00:49,182 -I was having a great time! -Good night! 6 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,485 ...was having a good time! Aah! 7 00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,320 -Come on. Let's go. -Come on?! Come on?! 8 00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,322 -Thank you. -Are you just hitting on me? 9 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:56,858 How you doing, folks? Good to see you. 10 00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:57,926 Oh, my God. Did you guys see that? 11 00:00:57,959 --> 00:00:59,259 He was hitting on me. 12 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,696 They don't even let you smoke in there! 13 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,230 What the hell's that about?! 14 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,132 Oh, I'm on camera?! 15 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,378 Whew! Cat Sajak! 16 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,315 Did you just buy yourself a bowel movement? 17 00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,418 Whew. Ooh, that is fresh! 18 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:28,155 Oh, my gosh. How much did you eat?! 19 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:31,124 Do not remember feeding you that much. Ugh! 20 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,531 Oh. Hey. 21 00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:38,900 Hey, Piper. 22 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,569 -Hey. -What's going on? 23 00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:45,339 Good. How are you? How was your night? 24 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,909 Well, I mean, my band played tonight. 25 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,344 -I invited you, too, but... -Oh, yeah. 26 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:53,146 Yeah. It was -- It was great. It was great. 27 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,650 We had, like, a cheese plate in the green room. 28 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,385 Ooh, I love cheese. That sounds so good right now. 29 00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:00,354 -This is so good. -Yeah. And -- 30 00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:03,423 -Yeah. Delish. Are you kidding? -We had lots of people. 31 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,259 We had, like, probably 15-plus. Something like that. 32 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,762 -Oh, my God. That's so cool. -Yeah. 33 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,230 That's sick. I love cheese. 34 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:13,668 -Yeah. -So, uh, so -- You -- 35 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,938 Yeah. You look amazing tonight, by the way. 36 00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:19,040 You always look amazing. 37 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:21,576 Thank you. 38 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:22,744 My pleasure. 39 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:28,415 Okay. I'm about to get real. 40 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,284 Do you want to come over? 41 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,287 -Sh-- -Yeah. 42 00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,289 Yeah. To -- To your place? 43 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,759 I can't believe I just asked you that! 44 00:02:37,792 --> 00:02:40,360 You're my neighbor! You're my neighbor! 45 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:43,631 But do you, though, want to come over? 46 00:02:43,665 --> 00:02:45,465 Okay. Yeah. 47 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,167 Okay. 48 00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,509 Oh, wow! This is a great room! 49 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,977 -Thank you. -It's nice. 50 00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,411 Shut the door. Shut the door! 51 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,047 -Oh, wait! I got it! -Oh, I think you got it. 52 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,948 -Yeah. -Whoo! 53 00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:02,717 Oh, yeah. 54 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,351 No, no, no, no. The hook's in the back. 55 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,286 The hook's in the back. The hook's in the back! 56 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,822 Whoo! 57 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,490 Do you have a condom? 58 00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:13,594 Yes. Yes, I think so. I think so. 59 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,997 -Great, great. -Got one. I mean, uh... 60 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,532 A-ha! Bingo! 61 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,801 I believe you. You don't have to show it. 62 00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:22,103 Aah! 63 00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,638 Are you good? Can we go? 64 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,473 Just kind of -- yeah. Just like -- Oh. 65 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:28,643 You might want to, like, get on top of me, yeah. 66 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:32,714 Just, you know -- Climb on me like a jungle gym. 67 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,519 Can I touch your face? Is that okay? 68 00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:41,354 Yeah, that's -- Wait. Hold -- Oh. Okay. 69 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,858 -Back of hand. -Oh. You smell so good. 70 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,492 -What is that? -Just, um -- 71 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:48,295 -Is that jasmine? -Just my perfume. 72 00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:50,263 It's just a cocktail of flowers -- 73 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,033 -My mouth's here. -Mm. 74 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:54,969 My mouth's here. Just come back. 75 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,437 Hold on. Let me just... 76 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,439 Okay? Is that good? 77 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,274 Okay. Would you please... 78 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:08,649 Whoa! 79 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:11,384 Yeah. 80 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,554 This feels so right. 81 00:04:30,238 --> 00:04:31,739 Fuck. 82 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:42,850 -Mm! 83 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,689 Hey... 84 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,758 Peter. 85 00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:52,527 Piper. 86 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,995 -Picked a -- -Okay. 87 00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:56,030 Ahh. Heh-heh. Sorry. 88 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,732 I just -- Ugh. 89 00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,501 I have a really bad headache, so... 90 00:05:00,535 --> 00:05:02,069 -Mm. -Yeah. Yeah. 91 00:05:02,103 --> 00:05:05,405 Who's a grumpy morning person? You are. 92 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,775 Hmm! Boop. Ha ha ha... 93 00:05:07,809 --> 00:05:09,544 Okay. Heh. 94 00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:12,747 I have to get ready for work, so... 95 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:17,350 Oh, yeah. Need a ride? I'm a certified Uber driver. 96 00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,619 Mm. 97 00:05:18,653 --> 00:05:20,955 I know you don't have a car. 98 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:25,293 Uh, my work is just a couple blocks from here, 99 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:29,730 so I'm gonna stroll on over, but thank you. 100 00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,799 How did you know I don't have a car? 101 00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:33,534 Piper, we've lived 102 00:05:33,568 --> 00:05:36,737 in the same apartment complex for over a year. 103 00:05:38,039 --> 00:05:40,373 This is the longest conversation we've ever had. 104 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:43,211 Uh, that's too bad because conversation is the area 105 00:05:43,244 --> 00:05:45,112 that I normally get the highest ratings on. 106 00:05:45,146 --> 00:05:46,581 -Mm-hm. -On all my drives. 107 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,649 Sorry. I just -- I'm not trying to be "that guy," 108 00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:52,954 -but I do need you to -- to go. -Yeah. 109 00:05:52,987 --> 00:05:54,822 Yeah, like, back to your place 'cause -- 110 00:05:54,856 --> 00:05:57,692 Yeah. No prob. No worries. I gotta get going anyway. 111 00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,895 Wheel of Fortune reruns are on at 11. 112 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,330 I don't want to miss that. 113 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,099 Plus, my cat and I, we watch it together, 114 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,934 and he gets bad-tempered for the day 115 00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:08,336 if he misses his Vanna. 116 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,403 -Uh-huh. -You gotta meet him sometime. 117 00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,439 Would love that. 118 00:06:21,282 --> 00:06:25,086 Last night was really special. 119 00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:26,621 Mm-hmm. 120 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,924 Oh. Wow. Just be -- No, you're good. 121 00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:33,094 It's okay. That's a white pillow that you stepped on. 122 00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:34,929 -See ya, Piper. -Okay. Bye. 123 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:40,134 Evan? What are you doing in my apartment? 124 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,536 Oh. Hi, Maya. 125 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:45,706 Piper and I are... seeing each other. 126 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:47,341 Yeah! 127 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:49,110 Really?! 128 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,511 Celebrate for me, alright? 129 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,413 Will you? Come on! Let's dance! Yeah! Whoo! 130 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:02,390 Evan Ebert! You are dating Evan Ebert?! 131 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:06,027 Please do not throw the "D" word around. 132 00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,728 We are not dating. 133 00:07:07,762 --> 00:07:11,132 Your girl got a little boozy, a little frisky. 134 00:07:11,165 --> 00:07:12,767 Just please don't tell anyone. 135 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,568 Mm. Why would I tell anyone? 136 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:17,371 Babe, you're a little bit of a blabber mouth. 137 00:07:17,405 --> 00:07:19,507 -We know this. -Yeah, I do like a story. 138 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,175 It was a one-time thing. 139 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:25,246 It is never, never happening again. 140 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,648 That's not what he thinks. 141 00:07:27,682 --> 00:07:29,984 Ooh... 142 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:34,689 I told you she'd come around. She couldn't resist the Ev-man. 143 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,489 Why would you go messing around with Evan? 144 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:39,093 He's clearly always had a thing for you! 145 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,695 I barely know the guy. 146 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,697 He's just some dude who lives in our building. 147 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,598 I mean, I kind of thought his name was Adam 148 00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,367 until like 20 minutes ago. 149 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,702 Oh, my God. Piper... 150 00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,770 Babe, I'm so hungover, 151 00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:52,573 and you're really challenging me right now, and it's a lot. 152 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,942 Why did you go out last night? Weren't you supposed to 153 00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:56,677 be preparing for your meeting with that publisher?! 154 00:07:56,711 --> 00:07:58,913 What am I supposed to do to prepare? 155 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,382 I don't even know exactly what that woman wants to talk to me about. 156 00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:02,717 She's obviously a fan of yours. 157 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:03,985 Every time I blink, your Instagram 158 00:08:04,018 --> 00:08:05,953 has like a hundred more followers. 159 00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:09,123 Okay, again, I'm so hungover. You're coming at me very hot. 160 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,624 And I do feel the love, but -- 161 00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,760 I'm just worried about you, Piper. 162 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,929 I love you so much, but there's nothing to worry about. 163 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:18,799 I'm fine. I mean, I feel like true trash right now, 164 00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:22,370 but otherwise I'm -- I really think I'm thriving. 165 00:08:24,105 --> 00:08:26,407 Piper, I'm not paying you to look on your phone. 166 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,144 Okay. I'm sorry. I just -- I got an e-mail from that publisher. 167 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,480 She pushed back our meeting to, like, two weeks from now. 168 00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,248 Hmm. That's too bad. 169 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:37,651 Now why don't you help out the customer right in front of you? 170 00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:40,588 Hey, that's okay, there, Raheem and Piper. 171 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:41,956 But since you have your phone out, 172 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,558 maybe you should just take my number, you know. 173 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:48,329 Ha ha. Cameron? It's Cameron, right? 174 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,663 -Yes. -Yeah. 175 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,666 You're not exactly my type, so... 176 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,503 Okay. A handsome, successful 177 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,837 investment banker isn't your type? 178 00:08:56,871 --> 00:08:58,606 Can I just take your order, please? 179 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:01,675 You know my order. You take it every day. 180 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,677 Yeah, I take a lot of orders every day, 181 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,447 so...just drawing a blank. 182 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,316 Nonfat vanilla latte, one shot of espresso, 183 00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:12,753 and exactly eight pumps of vanilla. 184 00:09:12,787 --> 00:09:17,691 'Kay. That's a lot of pumps. That's a lot of pumps. 185 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,693 She's a firecracker, huh? 186 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,362 How's that soccer league going, pal? 187 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,097 We got a couple more games still left. 188 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,832 Yeah, man. Let me know if you get to the finals. 189 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,368 I'll be there. Okay, man. 190 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,538 Here is your truly insane order. 191 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,540 -Thank you very much. -Mm-hmm. 192 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,874 -Extra tip. -Oh. Thanks. 193 00:09:33,908 --> 00:09:36,477 Hey, and good luck in that publisher meeting, you know? 194 00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:38,746 Two weeks comes around fast. 195 00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,749 Thank you. 196 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,554 - Piper Brennan? - Yeah. 197 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,221 Come with me. My office is down the hall. 198 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,056 Cool, cool. Oops. 199 00:09:49,090 --> 00:09:51,025 -Thanks for coming out. -Okay. We're good. We're good. 200 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:54,563 Now, this is where the magic happens. 201 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,398 Oh. This is a cool office. So bespoke. 202 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,900 Finally. A face to the name. 203 00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:02,636 Thank you. I feel the same way. This is very cool. 204 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,573 Well, I'm just gonna jump right in there. 205 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:07,007 -Yeah! Of course. -You know, I saw your Instagram 206 00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:09,143 because it was pointed out to me by an ex-boyfriend of mine. 207 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,078 He actually thought that you had taken a picture of him 208 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,746 with someone he shouldn't have been with. 209 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,583 This was long before -- I mean, I -- 210 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:15,916 Anyway, we're friends now. It's fine. 211 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,418 -Your ex-boyfriend follows me. -Mm-hmm. 212 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:20,254 Wow. That's -- -I was just, uh, excited 213 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:23,858 and a little annoyed by it initially, but I got on board. 214 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,860 I didn't expect to get on board, and you got me. 215 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,562 -You got me. -Thank you. 216 00:10:27,596 --> 00:10:30,565 Tell me a little bit about your inspiration for your Instagram. 217 00:10:30,599 --> 00:10:32,099 "I Spy Love." 218 00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:36,437 Yeah, um, kind of just started on a whim. 219 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,939 I -- you know, lady to lady -- 220 00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:42,843 never been great at relationships and dating. 221 00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,912 And so whenever I'm, like, out at, like, 222 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,847 a restaurant or a club, there are these couples 223 00:10:46,881 --> 00:10:49,250 who look, like, so locked in 224 00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:51,252 and I'm like, "Oh, my God. What must that be like?" 225 00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:55,456 And so I kind of just started taking pictures of people -- 226 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:56,924 you know, with their permish -- 227 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,760 and, uh, captioning it just kind of, like, 228 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:03,464 what I think their conversation is like and what... 229 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,432 -Yeah. -...backstory is and... 230 00:11:05,466 --> 00:11:07,067 -Yes. -I start to sort of fantasize, 231 00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:08,802 like "Oh, wow. What's -- What's going on here?" 232 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,704 -Yes! Oh! -I just love kind of, like... 233 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:11,906 -Yes. -...making up a story of 234 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:15,544 what love could be like, maybe. 235 00:11:15,577 --> 00:11:17,144 -Yeah. So... -I love it. 236 00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:19,046 -Oh. Thanks. -Yes. 237 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,114 I spy a book. 238 00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:22,116 I spy a huge compliment. 239 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:26,621 -That's, uh -- Wow. -I spy a series of books. 240 00:11:26,655 --> 00:11:29,757 I spy a reality show. I spy a tour. 241 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,760 I spy...PBS giveaways. 242 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,828 PBS giveaways? Wow. Um... 243 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,164 I spy "Judge Piper." I -- I don't know. 244 00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:39,400 I mean, I just sort of see -- Maybe it's not a courtroom. 245 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,603 That is, uh -- Wow. 246 00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:43,505 Relationship advice. Love advice. 247 00:11:43,538 --> 00:11:47,041 So you think that it would be, like, me... 248 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,476 -Yeah. -...giving advice... 249 00:11:49,511 --> 00:11:52,346 -Advice. -...on relationships. 250 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,683 Yes. You have a gift. 251 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:57,686 -Huh. Yeah. -Tell us what to do, Piper! 252 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,688 Tell us. You're the Pied Piper! 253 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,023 I'll follow you anywhere. 254 00:12:03,057 --> 00:12:04,925 Or, you know, yeah, I mean if you could get me a date. 255 00:12:04,959 --> 00:12:06,760 -Wow. -Sure. Yeah. 256 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,162 -Oh, and you're also -- -I mean, 257 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,997 I have been almost married three times. 258 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:12,833 But the good news is, I would be divorced three times, 259 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,669 so I am not divorced. 260 00:12:14,703 --> 00:12:16,705 Um... 261 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:19,340 But the world needs you. We need you. 262 00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:23,545 It's cool to have someone believe in you. 263 00:12:23,578 --> 00:12:26,548 You will appeal to so many young readers 264 00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:28,482 and not-so-young readers. Heh! 265 00:12:28,516 --> 00:12:30,184 -Oh. -Yeah, you're a bright, 266 00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,954 very smart, very charming young woman. 267 00:12:33,988 --> 00:12:35,823 Yeah, you got it all. 268 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,224 -Thank you. -You've got it all. 269 00:12:37,258 --> 00:12:40,361 Yeah. You really... 270 00:12:40,394 --> 00:12:42,062 I'm so sorry. 271 00:12:42,096 --> 00:12:44,365 Yeah, it's emotional, right? Yeah. 272 00:12:44,398 --> 00:12:47,134 No, I -- Yes, I am taking in what you're saying. 273 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:50,705 I just also... 274 00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:53,340 Ugh. 275 00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:54,576 -Oh, no. -Oh, God. 276 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,582 -Are you okay? -No. 277 00:13:00,615 --> 00:13:05,019 Oh, God. Okay. I'll clean it up. 278 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,554 -No, no, no, no, no. -Yes. 279 00:13:06,588 --> 00:13:07,722 No, that's why I have an assistant. 280 00:13:07,756 --> 00:13:09,256 -It's fine. -Okay. Good. 281 00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:11,593 'Cause I gotta go. I gotta go. Oh, I have to... 282 00:13:11,626 --> 00:13:13,093 Jacob! 283 00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,165 Hey! How'd the meeting go? 284 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:22,369 Um -- I don't really want to talk about it. 285 00:13:22,403 --> 00:13:24,338 Oh, no. It was that bad? 286 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:28,710 I threw up, like, all over Jane Brantley's desk. 287 00:13:28,743 --> 00:13:30,779 -Are you sick? -I feel fine now. 288 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:32,580 I'm, like, a little fatigued, I guess, 289 00:13:32,614 --> 00:13:35,784 but this morning, I was barf city. 290 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,385 I think it's just, like, something I ate. 291 00:13:38,419 --> 00:13:41,989 Yeah, I mean, it's either that or you're pregnant. 292 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,095 If one were to be pregnant, like, 293 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:51,065 how soon would they start showing symptoms? 294 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:54,134 I don't know. Like, um, two weeks. 295 00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,305 Are you pregnant?! 296 00:13:58,339 --> 00:14:00,642 No. Come on. 297 00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:02,009 No. 298 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:07,414 -They're both positive. -Oh, God! 299 00:14:07,448 --> 00:14:09,551 How did this happen? Aren't you on the pill? 300 00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:13,087 I was! But I stopped taking it 'cause it made me feel bloated. 301 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,923 If you had unprotected sex, why didn't you take Plan B? 302 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,325 No, I -- I didn't have... 303 00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:20,094 I -- I used a... 304 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,663 Ew! What are you doing?! 305 00:14:21,696 --> 00:14:23,263 I have to look! I have to look! 306 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,332 When was the last time you took out your trash?! 307 00:14:25,366 --> 00:14:26,634 Ahh! 308 00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:29,903 Oh! Ew! Wh-- W-What? What? 309 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,338 It's expired! 310 00:14:31,372 --> 00:14:33,808 Um -- No, it's gonna be okay. Hey. Hey. 311 00:14:33,842 --> 00:14:35,844 Having a child can be a beautiful thing. 312 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,279 It's not beautiful! I know who the father is! 313 00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:40,648 No! 314 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:51,258 Ohh. Would ya look at that, Cat Sajak? 315 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,629 Piper wants some more lovin' from the Ev-man. 316 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,999 Oh. What should I wear? 317 00:15:01,836 --> 00:15:03,838 Hey. 318 00:15:03,872 --> 00:15:07,374 Piper. Maya. 319 00:15:07,408 --> 00:15:10,779 I thought it was just gonna be the two of us. 320 00:15:10,812 --> 00:15:13,013 You didn't tell him I was coming? 321 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,549 You look nice. 322 00:15:14,582 --> 00:15:16,350 -Thanks. -Cool tie. 323 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,285 Um, so -- 324 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:22,189 Evan, um, so you remember how -- Ooh, what? 325 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:26,059 Is it me or is that waitress over there staring at me? 326 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:29,129 Um, I feel like that might just be you? 327 00:15:29,163 --> 00:15:31,833 No, I think she actually is staring at him. 328 00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:33,835 She's probably a fan of my band. 329 00:15:33,868 --> 00:15:35,537 You're in a band? 330 00:15:35,570 --> 00:15:39,006 I've invited you to, like, three of my shows, you weirdo. 331 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,475 Ohh. I kinda remember that. 332 00:15:41,509 --> 00:15:42,811 Yeah? 333 00:15:42,844 --> 00:15:44,879 Deer in Headlights. 334 00:15:44,913 --> 00:15:46,548 Is that a drink? 335 00:15:46,581 --> 00:15:49,751 Uh -- No. That's my band. 336 00:15:49,784 --> 00:15:51,653 -Oh! -You're a fan, right? 337 00:15:51,686 --> 00:15:53,822 N-No. Why would I know your band? 338 00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:55,489 You were staring at me over there. 339 00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:57,157 Oh, no. I was just staring at you 'cause you're dressed 340 00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:58,860 like an assistant principal in a dive bar. 341 00:15:58,893 --> 00:16:02,262 And is that yarn hanging out of your big-boy bag? 342 00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:05,232 That's a leather satchel I bought at the Dallas airport. 343 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,536 And, secondly, crocheting. Who doesn't love it? 344 00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:10,070 Can you get me a straw? 345 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:12,372 - Yeah. Okay. Sure. - Thank you. 346 00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:17,779 Okay, remember a few weeks ago there was that night 347 00:16:17,812 --> 00:16:20,548 where you came over to my apartment... 348 00:16:20,582 --> 00:16:23,885 Y-Yeah. How could I forget? 349 00:16:23,918 --> 00:16:28,723 Right. So, that night, um, the -- 350 00:16:28,756 --> 00:16:32,025 Do... Oh, what are you doin'? 351 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:35,395 Oh, I'm picking apart this meat before I eat it 352 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,298 'cause I always make sure it's fully cooked. 353 00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:42,971 Alright. Um, can you not do that right now? Sorry. 354 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,806 I just wanted to, um -- 355 00:16:44,839 --> 00:16:47,140 just real quick, uh, talk to you 356 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,878 about what happened that -- You -- 357 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:55,082 Oh, sorry. Yeah. Uh, this is my mom. 358 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,318 Uh, I-I'm gonna take this real fast, but, uh... 359 00:16:58,352 --> 00:17:00,420 I'll be back. 360 00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,824 Mom! Hey! 361 00:17:04,926 --> 00:17:07,662 Told you Evan's not that bad. 362 00:17:07,695 --> 00:17:08,997 Are you fucking kidding me? 363 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,665 Yeah, I'm trying to lighten the mood 364 00:17:10,698 --> 00:17:13,166 'cause you let Steve from "Blue's Clues" enter your body. 365 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,302 Oh, God! It's so true. It's so true. 366 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,137 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, Piper. 367 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:20,407 Yeah, yeah. It's input three, not input two, not -- 368 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,175 Hey, hey. Look, look, look, look. 369 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,077 Positive side, you went through the foster-care system. 370 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,980 You've always wanted to have a family. 371 00:17:26,014 --> 00:17:29,249 And now you're growing one inside of you. 372 00:17:29,283 --> 00:17:32,854 I guess I am growing a little family in me. 373 00:17:32,887 --> 00:17:35,088 It's kind of a sweet notion. 374 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,958 And it -- I mean, hey, if you feel like it's not right, 375 00:17:36,991 --> 00:17:38,458 you can always get an abortion. 376 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:41,529 Mm. Yeah. I already had one of those. 377 00:17:41,563 --> 00:17:46,568 And this time, I don't know if it's 'cause I'm older or what, 378 00:17:46,601 --> 00:17:50,004 but I feel, like, kind of connected 379 00:17:50,038 --> 00:17:52,172 to the little nugget already. 380 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,107 Maybe, like, a little more ready for it? 381 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,209 I have no idea. 382 00:17:56,243 --> 00:18:00,548 If I have a baby, I will always have love in my life. 383 00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:02,282 Why don't you just tell him you're pregnant 384 00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:04,151 but you want to raise the baby on your own? 385 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,720 I work in a coffee shop. 386 00:18:05,753 --> 00:18:09,857 Like, your girl could use a two-income household. 387 00:18:09,891 --> 00:18:13,795 Yeah, if only someone else had gotten you pregnant. Hm! 388 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,397 -What? -You're gonna hate this. 389 00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:20,868 I know you are going to hate this, but hear me out. 390 00:18:20,902 --> 00:18:23,838 What if I went out 391 00:18:23,871 --> 00:18:27,075 and, like, met a fantastic guy? 392 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,409 Checks all the boxes. Great dude. 393 00:18:29,443 --> 00:18:32,013 Could be a provider. All the things, right? 394 00:18:32,046 --> 00:18:34,515 And then we have sex... 395 00:18:34,549 --> 00:18:38,586 and then he thinks the baby is his. 396 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,153 -Piper. No. -Okay. 397 00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,957 I really want this baby to have a better childhood 398 00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:45,425 -and upbringing than I had. -You're just lying to yourself. 399 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:47,895 You're being insane right now. Just stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. 400 00:18:47,929 --> 00:18:50,197 You having a harsh reaction 401 00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,100 makes me think I'm onto something. 402 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,801 No, you're not! No, you're not. No. Piper. 403 00:18:53,835 --> 00:18:55,670 I feel it in my gut. It's not the baby kicking. 404 00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:57,639 -Pi-- Piper. Oh, my God. -It is my intuition kicking. 405 00:18:57,672 --> 00:18:59,272 -Piper, stop. No. No! -I have to go. 406 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:00,842 -I have to think. -You need to tell him. 407 00:19:00,875 --> 00:19:02,409 No. Piper! 408 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:06,213 Yeah, but it doesn't even say in the d-- Piper? 409 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,915 You can't just go out to a club 410 00:19:07,949 --> 00:19:10,585 and pick who you want to be the father of your unborn child! 411 00:19:10,618 --> 00:19:14,122 But you saw what he was like! You saw it! 412 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:18,860 He's, uh, the definition of a man-child, okay? 413 00:19:18,893 --> 00:19:23,463 And I would really love for my kid to have a father who's -- 414 00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:27,535 who's, like, strong and secure, you know? 415 00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:33,641 And...that is what I am determined to find tonight. 416 00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:45,485 Okay! Let's find me a baby daddy. 417 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,320 Oh, what about that guy over there?! 418 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,757 Calvin Klein? Look at his ring finger. 419 00:19:49,791 --> 00:19:51,759 Honey, he's married. 420 00:19:51,793 --> 00:19:53,094 Shit. 421 00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:55,328 - What about him? - He's bald. 422 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:57,131 Piper, you realize the baby won't actually 423 00:19:57,165 --> 00:19:58,566 have his genetics, right? 424 00:19:58,599 --> 00:20:00,968 No, I don't care about that. It's just -- 425 00:20:01,002 --> 00:20:03,270 Well, what if he has a midlife crisis at some point 426 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,073 and then he gets a tattoo on his head 427 00:20:05,106 --> 00:20:06,574 and then he'll look super Neo-Nazi? 428 00:20:06,607 --> 00:20:08,408 It's just not worth the risk, you know? 429 00:20:08,442 --> 00:20:11,746 Yeah. No. Makes total sense. Happens constantly. 430 00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:15,149 Ooh-ah! He is hot! 431 00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:16,818 The waiter? I don't think he's gonna 432 00:20:16,851 --> 00:20:20,588 be able to support a family on $12 an hour. 433 00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,990 Plus tips! 434 00:20:23,024 --> 00:20:26,160 Okay. Let's keep looking! 435 00:20:26,194 --> 00:20:28,428 Come on! We're on a mission! Hi! 436 00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:30,598 Hey, how you broads doin' tonight, huh? 437 00:20:30,631 --> 00:20:32,867 I'm Luca. This is my brother Rocco. 438 00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:35,503 Hey. Pleased to meet ya. 439 00:20:35,536 --> 00:20:37,437 - I'm Piper. - Piper? 440 00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:39,473 'Cause you could get the pipe, sweetheart. 441 00:20:39,507 --> 00:20:44,178 I see what you did there! The -- 442 00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:45,880 That's funny how you did that with my name. 443 00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:49,550 Is your name Cecilia? 'Cause, girl, I wanna feel ya! 444 00:20:49,584 --> 00:20:52,920 Oh, what?! Rocco! Who taught you that one, huh? 445 00:20:52,954 --> 00:20:54,722 This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought! 446 00:20:54,756 --> 00:20:57,058 Hey, I'm a lot harder than you thought! 447 00:20:57,091 --> 00:20:59,392 Okay. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. 448 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,529 -Piper, where you goin'? -Come on. 449 00:21:01,562 --> 00:21:03,831 So, what do you do for work? 450 00:21:03,865 --> 00:21:06,500 I'm a entrepreneur. 451 00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:08,870 Oh, okay. What does that mean? 452 00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:11,839 Whatever you want it to mean. 453 00:21:14,175 --> 00:21:16,577 You got really sexy legs. 454 00:21:16,611 --> 00:21:20,380 But do you think I need, like, Botox or something? 455 00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:22,750 We don't get that. We don't get that. 456 00:21:22,784 --> 00:21:26,353 Yes. So there's this thing called Babytox now. It's -- 457 00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:27,755 Do you mind if I sit here? 458 00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:29,590 Sorry. My feet hurt. I just need a minute. 459 00:21:29,624 --> 00:21:31,424 -No. You're - You're good. -Oh, God. 460 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:33,694 -You are...good. -Oh, I hate high heels. 461 00:21:33,728 --> 00:21:35,229 You are good. 462 00:21:35,263 --> 00:21:38,266 Ooh. 463 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:40,367 Sorry. Did you just take a photo of me? 464 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,370 No, my phone died. That's what happens with phones. 465 00:21:54,615 --> 00:21:56,818 - Oh. Piper! - Oh. 466 00:21:56,851 --> 00:21:58,719 I've been looking all over for you. 467 00:21:58,753 --> 00:22:01,255 Who was that guy you were talking to? 468 00:22:01,289 --> 00:22:03,291 Oh. Um, that was my friend, Dr. Wendling. 469 00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:05,293 He's a surgeon at my hospital. 470 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,694 Is he single? 471 00:22:06,727 --> 00:22:08,729 I don't think he's really your type. 472 00:22:08,763 --> 00:22:10,965 He's a rich doctor and he's not my type? 473 00:22:10,998 --> 00:22:14,702 Oh, there you are, Maya! Hi! 474 00:22:14,735 --> 00:22:16,971 Yeah, he's -- he's less baby daddy. 475 00:22:17,004 --> 00:22:18,806 He's more sugar daddy, but... 476 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,141 How are you? 477 00:22:20,174 --> 00:22:23,311 Can we get two vodka sodas, please? 478 00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,112 -Thank you. -Mnh-mnh. 479 00:22:25,146 --> 00:22:26,280 What? What are you doing?! 480 00:22:26,314 --> 00:22:27,648 You can't drink. You're pregnant. 481 00:22:27,682 --> 00:22:30,318 Oh! Shit! I wish you would have 482 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:32,987 reminded me of that before I gave away $30. 483 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,387 It wasn't a total waste. 484 00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:35,756 Heh-heh-heh. 485 00:22:38,659 --> 00:22:41,963 Hey. How's your night going? 486 00:22:41,996 --> 00:22:46,634 Sorry. I don't talk to pregnant chicks. Yo. 487 00:22:48,002 --> 00:22:52,173 There are like 100 guys in this bar, and all of them suck! 488 00:22:52,206 --> 00:22:54,709 What about 101? 489 00:22:54,742 --> 00:22:58,012 I'm Samuel. Nice to meet you. 490 00:22:58,045 --> 00:23:00,948 Hi. I'm Piper. 491 00:23:00,982 --> 00:23:03,150 Beautiful, Piper. 492 00:23:03,184 --> 00:23:05,519 Hunh -- Thank you. 493 00:23:05,553 --> 00:23:08,656 Just give me one sec. One sec. 494 00:23:08,689 --> 00:23:11,926 Maya! I'm leaving! I found my guy. He is sexy. 495 00:23:11,959 --> 00:23:15,062 He's an engineer. And he just invited me back to his place! 496 00:23:15,096 --> 00:23:18,532 -Ugh, God. Where is he? -He's right over there. 497 00:23:20,668 --> 00:23:23,371 I love him. What? Why are you laughing? 498 00:23:23,403 --> 00:23:24,939 - Piper. - What? 499 00:23:24,972 --> 00:23:27,474 -You can't be serious. -I'm so serious. 500 00:23:27,508 --> 00:23:30,144 -He's Black. -Okay. What? 501 00:23:30,177 --> 00:23:31,712 Won't it be a little odd 502 00:23:31,746 --> 00:23:33,848 when "his" baby comes out white as a ghost? 503 00:23:33,881 --> 00:23:36,550 "Phoebe Bridgers doing yoga" white. 504 00:23:36,584 --> 00:23:38,653 Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! 505 00:23:38,686 --> 00:23:42,156 I hate this night! This night is a bust, man! 506 00:23:42,189 --> 00:23:44,225 I'm sorry. 507 00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:46,193 Let's just go. 508 00:23:47,328 --> 00:23:49,196 Uh-huh. 509 00:23:49,230 --> 00:23:50,631 Who are you talking to? 510 00:23:50,665 --> 00:23:52,533 It's Brantley. I feel like 511 00:23:52,566 --> 00:23:54,735 she's gonna offer me the deal or something. 512 00:23:54,769 --> 00:23:56,871 -Oh, my God. Put it on speaker. -Yeah. 513 00:23:56,904 --> 00:24:01,042 Wasn't mad. I was just taken off guard. 514 00:24:01,075 --> 00:24:02,475 So, do we have a deal or not? 515 00:24:02,510 --> 00:24:07,315 Yeah! Yes! Sorry. I-I thought I blew it. 516 00:24:07,348 --> 00:24:08,883 You blew chunks. 517 00:24:08,916 --> 00:24:12,186 Yeah, that was morning sickness, um, 518 00:24:12,219 --> 00:24:15,556 because I'm -- I'm pregnant and I was pregnant, um, 519 00:24:15,589 --> 00:24:17,024 when I was at your office. 520 00:24:17,058 --> 00:24:18,426 I just didn't know it. 521 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,927 I didn't even know you were seeing anyone. 522 00:24:19,961 --> 00:24:22,897 Yeah, it's, you know -- it's complicated. 523 00:24:24,298 --> 00:24:26,534 Single and pregnant. 524 00:24:26,567 --> 00:24:29,603 I love it. I think the readers will love it. 525 00:24:29,637 --> 00:24:31,439 Just show me some of that authenticity 526 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:32,840 in your first draft. 527 00:24:32,873 --> 00:24:37,278 Hundred percent. Thank you, Jane Brantley! 528 00:24:39,947 --> 00:24:42,516 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -Oh, my God! 529 00:24:42,550 --> 00:24:44,385 I can't believe you're writing a book! Aah! 530 00:24:44,418 --> 00:24:46,387 I'm roommates with a sexy Margaret Atwood. 531 00:24:46,420 --> 00:24:48,789 Thank you. Oh, my God. But seriously, though. 532 00:24:48,823 --> 00:24:50,758 You think you're proud of me now? 533 00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:55,029 Wait until you see this hot-ass dude I'm going on a date with. 534 00:24:55,062 --> 00:24:57,465 I present...Kyle. 535 00:24:57,497 --> 00:24:59,300 Whoa. He looks like a model. 536 00:24:59,333 --> 00:25:02,636 He is a model. Well, he used to be. 537 00:25:02,670 --> 00:25:04,271 Now he works for his dad's business. 538 00:25:04,305 --> 00:25:07,575 It's actually, like, a really cute story, but anyways. 539 00:25:07,608 --> 00:25:09,810 I matched with him this morning on Bumble, 540 00:25:09,844 --> 00:25:12,413 and now we are going on a date this afternoon. 541 00:25:12,446 --> 00:25:14,081 -Already? -Maya... 542 00:25:14,115 --> 00:25:16,150 I'm two and a half weeks pregnant, okay? 543 00:25:16,183 --> 00:25:17,718 I gotta get on this, you know? 544 00:25:17,752 --> 00:25:20,254 We gotta move quick. Quick! 545 00:25:23,524 --> 00:25:25,393 -Piper! Hey! -Hi! 546 00:25:25,426 --> 00:25:27,061 Nice to meet you in person. 547 00:25:27,094 --> 00:25:29,063 Nice to meet you! I'll get the first round. 548 00:25:29,096 --> 00:25:31,165 No, no. Don't be silly. I already bought your round. 549 00:25:31,198 --> 00:25:34,735 Just pick a club, get your ball, and let's hit the links. 550 00:25:34,769 --> 00:25:37,304 Orange and a purple. There you go. 551 00:25:37,338 --> 00:25:39,673 Thanks. Ladies first. 552 00:25:39,707 --> 00:25:41,909 So, I do a lot of business deals on the course. 553 00:25:41,942 --> 00:25:43,811 If you want me to go easy on you, let me know. 554 00:25:43,844 --> 00:25:46,347 Alright, big shot. Let's see what you got. 555 00:25:54,188 --> 00:25:56,857 -Oh, my God. -Ohh! 556 00:25:59,994 --> 00:26:02,797 So, you, uh, you go on a lot of Bumble dates? 557 00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:06,033 Um, just like four to six a week. 558 00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:10,304 Why? What about you? What's your deal? 559 00:26:10,337 --> 00:26:13,808 I'm just so busy with work, and all my clients are guys, 560 00:26:13,841 --> 00:26:16,677 so Bumble's the only option I have to meet girls. 561 00:26:16,710 --> 00:26:17,845 -Oh. -Not that I'm complaining. 562 00:26:17,878 --> 00:26:19,514 -Oh. -You're gorgeous. 563 00:26:19,548 --> 00:26:21,649 And I'm so happy to be here. 564 00:26:21,682 --> 00:26:24,819 Um, thank you. 565 00:26:24,852 --> 00:26:27,655 So, uh, on your profile, it says 566 00:26:27,688 --> 00:26:29,657 that you're looking for something serious, 567 00:26:29,690 --> 00:26:31,659 and I was just curious if that was something 568 00:26:31,692 --> 00:26:33,227 you put on there more recently 569 00:26:33,260 --> 00:26:34,895 or if that was, like, a vestige 570 00:26:34,929 --> 00:26:36,664 from when you first signed up for the app 571 00:26:36,697 --> 00:26:38,799 or, like, what your current status is? 572 00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:40,901 No, I'm open to something serious. 573 00:26:40,935 --> 00:26:43,337 And I think we're off to a great start. 574 00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:46,307 Yeah. I-I agree. 575 00:26:46,340 --> 00:26:48,309 Well, I think we are, 576 00:26:48,342 --> 00:26:50,644 but then you might see me play golf and be horrified. 577 00:26:50,678 --> 00:26:52,179 -It gets pretty bleak. -No. 578 00:26:52,213 --> 00:26:53,647 You might change your mind about me in 20 seconds. 579 00:26:53,681 --> 00:26:55,015 No judgement. 580 00:26:55,049 --> 00:26:56,684 Watch out, world. 581 00:26:57,284 --> 00:26:59,554 Cool. 582 00:26:59,588 --> 00:27:01,722 Almost sad that this is the last hole. 583 00:27:01,755 --> 00:27:03,525 I don't want today to end. 584 00:27:03,558 --> 00:27:06,060 Hey. I'll make you a deal. 585 00:27:06,093 --> 00:27:09,230 -If you make this hole-in-one... -Mm-hmm... 586 00:27:09,263 --> 00:27:13,701 ...maybe we, uh, continue this date back at my place. 587 00:27:14,468 --> 00:27:17,171 -Yeah? Okay. -I'm just saying. 588 00:27:17,204 --> 00:27:19,773 I want to pet the horsies! I want to pet the horsies! 589 00:27:19,807 --> 00:27:23,377 I want to pet the horsies! I want to pet the horsies! 590 00:27:23,410 --> 00:27:25,379 Hey, what the fuck was that?! 591 00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:26,780 I want to pet the horsies. 592 00:27:26,814 --> 00:27:30,651 -Well, I wanna get my dick wet. -Horsies. 593 00:27:31,785 --> 00:27:33,354 Piece of shit. 594 00:27:34,388 --> 00:27:38,292 Crazy. You ready to take your shot? 595 00:27:38,325 --> 00:27:39,927 -That was horrible! -I know. 596 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,597 Stupid brat stopped me from getting my hole-in-one. 597 00:27:42,631 --> 00:27:45,065 Not him. You! You were horrible! 598 00:27:45,099 --> 00:27:48,869 How could you scream at an innocent kid like that?! 599 00:27:48,903 --> 00:27:51,138 It's easy. I hate kids. 600 00:27:52,273 --> 00:27:53,807 -Wha-- -What's to like? 601 00:27:53,841 --> 00:27:56,310 They're smelly and annoying and expensive. 602 00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:57,478 The list goes on and on. 603 00:27:57,512 --> 00:27:59,480 You just, like, never want kids? 604 00:27:59,514 --> 00:28:01,081 Like, if you got a girl pregnant, 605 00:28:01,115 --> 00:28:02,983 you would just, like, abandon her or something? 606 00:28:03,017 --> 00:28:05,452 I'd be outta the door faster than a racehorse. 607 00:28:05,486 --> 00:28:07,254 You know what? I'm a racehorse. 608 00:28:07,288 --> 00:28:09,990 Because I am out of the door here, right now. 609 00:28:10,024 --> 00:28:12,527 There's no door, but outside if there were a door, I'm out of it. 610 00:28:12,561 --> 00:28:15,129 -Bye! Bye, Kyle! -Hey. Wait. This is our first date. 611 00:28:15,162 --> 00:28:16,497 Why are we even talking about kids? 612 00:28:16,531 --> 00:28:18,399 Piper, it was -- He started it! 613 00:28:18,432 --> 00:28:19,733 That's the guy. 614 00:28:19,767 --> 00:28:21,670 Look! I finally got a hole-in-one! 615 00:28:21,702 --> 00:28:23,971 God! Not even then! 616 00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:25,940 Um, may -- No. No, no, no! 617 00:28:25,973 --> 00:28:27,676 Listen. Listen. Um, hold on, sir! 618 00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:29,511 Let's have a conversation. Come along with me. 619 00:28:29,544 --> 00:28:30,645 -Sir! -We're gonna talk about -- 620 00:28:30,679 --> 00:28:31,845 Help! 621 00:28:36,317 --> 00:28:39,521 Piper, listen to your friend and pick your head up. 622 00:28:39,554 --> 00:28:41,355 Your favorite customer is here. 623 00:28:43,290 --> 00:28:44,925 Hey. That's okay, Raheem. 624 00:28:44,959 --> 00:28:47,828 I'm used to being ignored by beautiful women. 625 00:28:48,996 --> 00:28:51,765 Really? You seem like the kind of guy 626 00:28:51,799 --> 00:28:53,535 who would be with a different girl every night. 627 00:28:53,568 --> 00:28:55,202 Only Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe 628 00:28:55,236 --> 00:28:57,639 when I'm watching old reruns of Friends. 629 00:28:59,473 --> 00:29:03,344 Wow, Piper . That's the first time I've seen you smile. 630 00:29:05,547 --> 00:29:08,315 Looks nice. 631 00:29:08,349 --> 00:29:09,651 Thanks. 632 00:29:09,684 --> 00:29:13,053 That's, um -- That's really sweet. 633 00:29:14,421 --> 00:29:18,058 Um, yeah, so, I'll, uh -- I-I'll have my usual. 634 00:29:18,092 --> 00:29:20,729 A nonfat vanilla latte with one shot of espresso 635 00:29:20,761 --> 00:29:22,997 and eight pumps of vanilla? 636 00:29:23,030 --> 00:29:24,733 -You remembered. -Of course I remembered. 637 00:29:24,765 --> 00:29:26,200 It's a psychotic order. 638 00:29:26,233 --> 00:29:29,571 But also kind of cute. 639 00:29:29,604 --> 00:29:32,072 Lot of sugar. Ha! 640 00:29:33,107 --> 00:29:34,975 Hey, how many goals last night, bud? 641 00:29:35,009 --> 00:29:37,011 -Five goals. -Alright. Good stuff. 642 00:29:37,044 --> 00:29:39,013 Well, let me know when you get to that final, alright? 643 00:29:39,046 --> 00:29:41,482 -Most definitely. Yeah. -Alright. Come on. 644 00:29:41,516 --> 00:29:42,717 -Oh. -There you go. 645 00:29:42,751 --> 00:29:44,151 Thank you. 646 00:29:44,184 --> 00:29:47,054 So, uh -- Oh, I forgot to pay, right? 647 00:29:47,087 --> 00:29:50,190 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just tap or swipe. 648 00:29:50,224 --> 00:29:54,261 Hey, you, uh, you have a-a great day, alright? 649 00:29:54,295 --> 00:29:55,863 -You too. -Okay. 650 00:29:56,830 --> 00:30:00,735 -Hey, Cameron? -Yeah? 651 00:30:00,769 --> 00:30:04,104 Do you maybe want to ask me out? 652 00:30:04,138 --> 00:30:06,708 Uh, I thought I wasn't your type? 653 00:30:06,741 --> 00:30:08,909 That never stopped you before. 654 00:30:08,942 --> 00:30:11,312 It -- Well, yeah. I-I do, actually. 655 00:30:11,345 --> 00:30:13,047 I just -- Things were going so well, 656 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:14,848 I didn't want to push my luck. 657 00:30:14,882 --> 00:30:17,084 How does dinner at my place sound? 658 00:30:17,117 --> 00:30:18,586 Let me -- Let me give you my business card. 659 00:30:18,620 --> 00:30:20,421 You can shoot me a text, alright? 660 00:30:20,454 --> 00:30:23,190 Okay. Cool. 661 00:30:23,223 --> 00:30:25,025 Actually, I-I don't think I can go out with a guy 662 00:30:25,059 --> 00:30:28,929 whose Instagram handle is @StraightCashidy. 663 00:30:30,130 --> 00:30:32,900 I'm just messing with you. Relax. 664 00:30:32,933 --> 00:30:34,968 Check the side of your cup. 665 00:30:36,970 --> 00:30:38,839 So you'd know. 666 00:30:41,442 --> 00:30:42,577 You're good. 667 00:30:44,679 --> 00:30:47,381 Okay. Oh, don't hit that woman. 668 00:30:47,414 --> 00:30:48,550 Oh, hi. Hey. 669 00:30:48,583 --> 00:30:50,317 - See you. - Bye. 670 00:30:50,351 --> 00:30:53,387 You see what happens when you lift your head up? 671 00:30:53,420 --> 00:30:55,222 You have yourself a man. 672 00:30:55,255 --> 00:30:57,792 Hmm. 673 00:30:57,826 --> 00:30:59,159 Maya! 674 00:30:59,193 --> 00:31:02,162 I have some news! I found my guy. 675 00:31:02,196 --> 00:31:03,765 Really? Who? 676 00:31:03,798 --> 00:31:06,467 Cameron Cassidy. 677 00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:08,770 He's the guy who comes into the coffee shop 678 00:31:08,803 --> 00:31:10,672 every day, the banker. 679 00:31:10,705 --> 00:31:12,406 The guy who harasses you every day? 680 00:31:12,439 --> 00:31:15,342 It's not harassing. It's -- It's cute. 681 00:31:15,376 --> 00:31:17,244 You didn't think it was cute a few weeks ago. 682 00:31:17,277 --> 00:31:19,346 I didn't need a baby daddy a few weeks ago. 683 00:31:19,380 --> 00:31:22,851 And, Maya, this guy, he's got all the features. 684 00:31:22,883 --> 00:31:27,488 He is hot. He's got a good job. He's fit. 685 00:31:27,522 --> 00:31:29,022 He has great hair. 686 00:31:29,056 --> 00:31:32,126 -Mm. -He is really hot. 687 00:31:32,159 --> 00:31:34,796 I mean, what more could a girl ask for? 688 00:31:34,829 --> 00:31:37,164 Maybe to have some sort of connection with him? 689 00:31:37,197 --> 00:31:39,366 Well, we're gonna have a whole lifetime of connections. 690 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,368 Oh, my God. That sounds like the nonsense 691 00:31:41,402 --> 00:31:43,805 my parents are always preaching to me about arranged marriages. 692 00:31:43,838 --> 00:31:47,207 Do you ever think that maybe your parents are onto something? 693 00:31:47,241 --> 00:31:51,145 I mean, they've been together, like, 35 years. 694 00:31:52,479 --> 00:31:54,214 I don't think they were ever truly in love, okay? 695 00:31:54,248 --> 00:31:56,885 That's not an ideal type of relationship. 696 00:31:56,917 --> 00:31:59,621 You finally get to have a family of your own. 697 00:31:59,654 --> 00:32:02,156 Okay. I hear what you're saying. 698 00:32:02,189 --> 00:32:04,526 But you're not thinking about the fact 699 00:32:04,559 --> 00:32:07,194 that the alternative is Evan! 700 00:32:07,227 --> 00:32:10,164 Captain Cat Piss across the hall! 701 00:32:10,197 --> 00:32:12,232 Now, what should I wear? 702 00:32:12,266 --> 00:32:14,803 I need Cameron to want to fuck me on the first date. 703 00:32:14,836 --> 00:32:16,370 Come on! 704 00:32:16,403 --> 00:32:18,071 What about a straitjacket and a thong? 705 00:32:18,105 --> 00:32:20,474 Oh, my God! That is so mean! 706 00:32:23,912 --> 00:32:25,279 Hi. 707 00:32:27,114 --> 00:32:29,049 Can I come in? 708 00:32:29,082 --> 00:32:30,919 Uh, yes. Yes, of course. 709 00:32:30,951 --> 00:32:35,890 Uh, you look absolutely stunning. 710 00:32:35,924 --> 00:32:37,725 Took my breath away. 711 00:32:37,759 --> 00:32:40,027 Wow. 712 00:32:40,060 --> 00:32:41,729 Come on. Let me get you a drink. 713 00:32:41,763 --> 00:32:43,163 Okay. 714 00:32:43,197 --> 00:32:44,998 No, I don't want to go out with Sandeep. 715 00:32:45,032 --> 00:32:47,134 He has a comb-over! 716 00:32:49,269 --> 00:32:51,739 I don't care if he has a comb-over and a ponytail. 717 00:32:51,773 --> 00:32:54,441 That's worse. 718 00:32:57,244 --> 00:32:59,781 I'll talk to you later, Mom. Someone's at the door. 719 00:32:59,814 --> 00:33:01,516 And it better not be Sandeep! 720 00:33:02,817 --> 00:33:05,720 Hi, Maya. Piper home? 721 00:33:05,753 --> 00:33:08,790 Oh, my lady. 722 00:33:08,823 --> 00:33:11,058 Hmm. -Hmm! 723 00:33:11,091 --> 00:33:13,427 I'll be right back. Gonna get the food. 724 00:33:13,460 --> 00:33:14,762 Okay. 725 00:33:19,767 --> 00:33:21,401 Here we are. 726 00:33:21,435 --> 00:33:23,103 -Ohh... -Ohh... 727 00:33:23,136 --> 00:33:25,540 My famous shrimp scampi. 728 00:33:25,573 --> 00:33:27,140 Okay, Top Chef. 729 00:33:27,174 --> 00:33:28,977 Are you trying to win me over with food? 730 00:33:29,009 --> 00:33:31,144 'Cause it's working. 731 00:33:31,178 --> 00:33:32,981 Well, my mother always told me 732 00:33:33,013 --> 00:33:35,482 the way to a lady's heart is through her stomach. 733 00:33:35,517 --> 00:33:37,384 Do you want to, like, maybe tell me just 734 00:33:37,417 --> 00:33:40,087 a little bit more about her and your family in general? 735 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:41,288 I would love to hear. 736 00:33:41,321 --> 00:33:43,123 Well, I grew up in North Jersey. 737 00:33:43,156 --> 00:33:45,392 Mm. Mm-hmm. 738 00:33:45,425 --> 00:33:48,630 My father is a financial advisor. 739 00:33:48,663 --> 00:33:51,164 And my mom, she owns a bakery. 740 00:33:51,198 --> 00:33:53,400 Maybe that's where I got my great cooking skills. 741 00:33:53,433 --> 00:33:55,970 -I don't know. -Well, maybe you can teach me 742 00:33:56,004 --> 00:33:58,472 some of your cooking skills, 'cause every time 743 00:33:58,506 --> 00:34:01,341 I've tried baking cookies, I always end up burning them. 744 00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:03,076 So, just getting back to the business 745 00:34:03,110 --> 00:34:04,746 of getting to know each other, 746 00:34:04,779 --> 00:34:07,481 do you envision yourself staying in Philadelphia long-term? 747 00:34:07,515 --> 00:34:10,183 This is like an interview. 748 00:34:12,654 --> 00:34:15,990 No. 749 00:34:16,024 --> 00:34:18,026 Kidding! Funny. 750 00:34:18,058 --> 00:34:22,530 It's good we are learning about one another. 751 00:34:22,564 --> 00:34:25,365 Um, but, you know, 752 00:34:25,399 --> 00:34:30,203 speaking of family, um, tell me about yours. 753 00:34:30,237 --> 00:34:33,608 Uh, I don't -- I don't think 754 00:34:33,641 --> 00:34:36,978 you want me to drop that bombshell right now. 755 00:34:37,011 --> 00:34:40,715 Come on. Tell me. It can't be that bad. 756 00:34:40,748 --> 00:34:43,017 Okay. Uh... 757 00:34:43,051 --> 00:34:46,186 My dad ran off before I was born, 758 00:34:46,219 --> 00:34:49,323 and my mom died shortly after I was born, 759 00:34:49,356 --> 00:34:52,794 so a lot of my childhood was spent 760 00:34:52,827 --> 00:34:54,161 in and out of foster homes. 761 00:34:54,194 --> 00:34:56,898 So, yeah, kind of a bummer. 762 00:34:56,931 --> 00:34:59,734 So, yeah, that's my deal. 763 00:34:59,767 --> 00:35:02,537 Wow. I'm sorry. I'm... 764 00:35:02,570 --> 00:35:04,806 -Mm. Mm. -No, it's pretty heavy. 765 00:35:04,839 --> 00:35:06,239 -I'm sorry. -Mm, thank you. 766 00:35:06,273 --> 00:35:08,710 No, thank you. For sharing. 767 00:35:08,743 --> 00:35:12,446 And there's a lot behind those beautiful eyes, isn't there? 768 00:35:13,615 --> 00:35:15,583 Oh, and you had a meeting last week, right? 769 00:35:15,617 --> 00:35:17,051 How'd it go? 770 00:35:17,085 --> 00:35:21,089 Yeah. It was good. Um, I got a book deal. 771 00:35:21,154 --> 00:35:23,390 I mean, it's with the sixth-best 772 00:35:23,423 --> 00:35:25,258 publisher in Philadelphia, but... 773 00:35:25,292 --> 00:35:27,829 -What? -Yeah. I did get a book deal. 774 00:35:27,862 --> 00:35:29,664 That's unbelievable. 775 00:35:29,697 --> 00:35:31,099 This is unbelievable. 776 00:35:31,131 --> 00:35:32,900 How could she go on a date 777 00:35:32,934 --> 00:35:35,235 without consulting with me first? 778 00:35:35,268 --> 00:35:36,938 Look. We slept together. 779 00:35:36,971 --> 00:35:39,406 D-Doesn't that mean anything? Huh? 780 00:35:39,439 --> 00:35:42,110 Evan, you really need to move on. 781 00:35:42,142 --> 00:35:44,879 You're a great guy, but... 782 00:35:44,912 --> 00:35:47,147 Piper doesn't like you like that. 783 00:35:48,382 --> 00:35:51,284 We had something. We had this connection. 784 00:35:51,318 --> 00:35:55,123 Look, Piper's just a complex girl, okay? 785 00:35:55,188 --> 00:35:57,224 She doesn't know what she wants. 786 00:36:03,330 --> 00:36:04,732 You want me to get a condom? 787 00:36:04,766 --> 00:36:06,233 No! 788 00:36:06,266 --> 00:36:08,268 -Okay. -Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. 789 00:36:08,301 --> 00:36:10,138 Y-You just want to take it slow? 790 00:36:10,170 --> 00:36:13,875 No. No. No. 791 00:36:13,908 --> 00:36:16,811 If you say "no" one more time, I'm gonna go home. 792 00:36:16,844 --> 00:36:20,480 You are home. 793 00:36:20,515 --> 00:36:24,118 No. I just don't think we need one. 794 00:36:24,152 --> 00:36:26,420 You know, it feels better when it's all natural. 795 00:36:26,453 --> 00:36:28,122 And I'm on birth control, so... 796 00:36:28,156 --> 00:36:29,590 Nope. 797 00:36:29,624 --> 00:36:30,758 Hm! 798 00:36:30,792 --> 00:36:32,359 Let's do this. 799 00:36:37,031 --> 00:36:38,365 Yes. 800 00:36:54,816 --> 00:36:56,349 Hey. 801 00:36:56,383 --> 00:36:59,252 Did you just take a crib shot of me? 802 00:37:01,656 --> 00:37:04,458 Uh, no. 803 00:37:04,491 --> 00:37:06,861 -Yes, you did. -What's a crib shot? 804 00:37:06,894 --> 00:37:10,363 Oh, it's something guys do after they have sex with a girl. 805 00:37:10,397 --> 00:37:12,133 They take a picture of her in bed. 806 00:37:12,166 --> 00:37:13,433 Ew! 807 00:37:13,467 --> 00:37:16,269 I know. It's really creepy. 808 00:37:16,303 --> 00:37:18,840 And you gotta up your selfie game, Piper. 809 00:37:18,873 --> 00:37:22,043 Oh, my God! You're a creep! 810 00:37:22,076 --> 00:37:25,179 -Two creepers. -Two creepers. Aah! 811 00:37:30,051 --> 00:37:31,418 ...I was covered in algae. 812 00:37:31,451 --> 00:37:33,121 -Oh, my God. -Oh! 813 00:37:33,154 --> 00:37:35,189 Come here. What's your doggie's name? 814 00:37:35,223 --> 00:37:37,091 Hi. Hey. Ozzie? 815 00:37:38,391 --> 00:37:40,528 Oh, what's wrong, babe? 816 00:37:40,561 --> 00:37:42,230 -I'm just -- -You hungry? 817 00:37:42,262 --> 00:37:44,331 -I don't know if it's good. -Aww. 818 00:37:44,364 --> 00:37:47,635 -Cocktails! Whoo! -Whoo! 819 00:37:47,668 --> 00:37:49,904 Uh, let me get the appetizers. Be right back. 820 00:37:49,937 --> 00:37:52,439 -Oh, okay. Cool. -Yeah. 821 00:37:54,374 --> 00:37:58,012 Sorry. False start. 822 00:37:58,045 --> 00:37:59,614 Here we go. 823 00:38:08,623 --> 00:38:12,392 Cut it out! You're holding up the line! 824 00:38:18,566 --> 00:38:20,768 Hey. Where were you last night? 825 00:38:20,802 --> 00:38:23,571 Um, where do you think I was last night? 826 00:38:23,604 --> 00:38:26,339 Wow. That's the third night this week. 827 00:38:26,373 --> 00:38:28,276 Pretty soon I might need to find a new roommate. 828 00:38:28,308 --> 00:38:30,545 Yeah. Tomorrow's our two-month anniversary. 829 00:38:30,578 --> 00:38:32,747 So cute. And he's gonna meet me after work, 830 00:38:32,780 --> 00:38:35,082 and I'm gonna tell him everything then. 831 00:38:35,116 --> 00:38:37,251 You're really gonna tell him that you're pregnant with another man's child? 832 00:38:37,285 --> 00:38:38,886 What? No! 833 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:41,122 I'm gonna tell him I'm pregnant with his kid. 834 00:38:41,155 --> 00:38:44,225 Do you really want your relationship to be based off of lies? 835 00:38:44,258 --> 00:38:45,560 I know this sounds kind of weird, 836 00:38:45,593 --> 00:38:48,296 but I get really excited thinking about 837 00:38:48,328 --> 00:38:50,898 the next one being his, you know? 838 00:38:50,932 --> 00:38:54,969 As long as my kid has a good life, I will be happy. 839 00:38:57,138 --> 00:38:59,507 So, what's the surprise you're dying to tell me about? 840 00:38:59,540 --> 00:39:02,276 Why don't we just, like, go sit over there and I'll tell you all about it? 841 00:39:04,477 --> 00:39:06,113 I made you a little treat. 842 00:39:06,147 --> 00:39:07,615 -Oh! -Homemade. 843 00:39:07,648 --> 00:39:09,317 So, you baked me, uh, uh... 844 00:39:09,349 --> 00:39:11,451 -Yeah, it's a cookie. -I guess I can assume 845 00:39:11,484 --> 00:39:13,888 that the surprise isn't you learned how to bake. 846 00:39:13,921 --> 00:39:15,656 Kidding. 847 00:39:15,690 --> 00:39:17,758 Yeah, no. Still suck at baking. Um, no. 848 00:39:17,792 --> 00:39:19,627 The surprise has nothing to do with that. 849 00:39:19,660 --> 00:39:23,164 Um, remember when we were at the park a few weeks ago 850 00:39:23,197 --> 00:39:25,700 and we saw that really cute puppy and I was like, "Oh, my God. 851 00:39:25,733 --> 00:39:27,168 We should get a puppy together." 852 00:39:27,201 --> 00:39:29,170 You got us a puppy! 853 00:39:29,203 --> 00:39:32,173 -No. N-- No. -Okay. Cat? 854 00:39:32,206 --> 00:39:33,808 -Frog. Turtle. -No. Frog? 855 00:39:33,841 --> 00:39:36,510 No. No! You got us one of those little teacup pigs! 856 00:39:36,544 --> 00:39:40,348 -Not a pig. -Just tell me, baby! 857 00:39:40,380 --> 00:39:42,316 -Baby. -Yeah? 858 00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:44,285 No. 859 00:39:44,318 --> 00:39:45,953 Baby. 860 00:39:45,987 --> 00:39:47,188 Yeah...? 861 00:39:47,221 --> 00:39:49,790 No. Baby. 862 00:39:53,694 --> 00:39:56,197 You're... 863 00:39:56,230 --> 00:39:57,765 pregnant? 864 00:39:57,798 --> 00:39:59,367 Surprise! 865 00:40:01,836 --> 00:40:04,505 Wow. How? 866 00:40:06,007 --> 00:40:07,375 When? 867 00:40:07,407 --> 00:40:09,543 I-I can't -- I can't say for sure, 868 00:40:09,577 --> 00:40:13,648 but maybe it was even our first date. 869 00:40:13,681 --> 00:40:15,516 Wow. I mean, I thought you were on the pill. 870 00:40:15,549 --> 00:40:20,187 Hmm. I am. It's just that, uh -- Quick medical lesson -- 871 00:40:20,221 --> 00:40:22,356 the pill is only 99% effective, 872 00:40:22,390 --> 00:40:25,126 and I guess we're the one percent. 873 00:40:25,159 --> 00:40:27,662 -Whoa. -Your sperm is just 874 00:40:27,695 --> 00:40:30,831 crazy effective, and it just... 875 00:40:30,865 --> 00:40:33,200 pshew-pshew, got in there, you know? 876 00:40:33,234 --> 00:40:35,468 Michael Phelps, but make it sperm. 877 00:40:35,503 --> 00:40:37,672 Oh. 878 00:40:37,705 --> 00:40:40,074 Strong sperm. Broke through. 879 00:40:40,107 --> 00:40:42,410 Just broke on through. It broke on through that seal. 880 00:40:42,442 --> 00:40:44,845 -Wow. That's crazy. Wow. -Cameron. 881 00:40:44,879 --> 00:40:48,215 We're gonna get through this. You and me. 882 00:40:48,249 --> 00:40:51,419 And...you know. 883 00:40:51,451 --> 00:40:53,721 Boy or girl? -They. Who cares? 884 00:40:53,754 --> 00:40:57,058 It's human life. It's a -- It's cool. 885 00:40:57,091 --> 00:40:59,794 It's cool. It's a cool thing to do together. 886 00:40:59,827 --> 00:41:03,064 -Give me a kiss. -It's exciting. 887 00:41:03,097 --> 00:41:04,966 Mm. 888 00:41:08,436 --> 00:41:09,770 Maya! 889 00:41:09,804 --> 00:41:12,039 Piper! What are you doing here?! 890 00:41:12,073 --> 00:41:13,708 -I've been looking for you. -I'm being serious. 891 00:41:13,741 --> 00:41:15,543 Why are you here? Remember what happened 892 00:41:15,576 --> 00:41:16,944 the last time you snuck into the hospital? 893 00:41:16,978 --> 00:41:18,846 Oh, my God. That was, like, three years ago, 894 00:41:18,879 --> 00:41:21,415 and I was, like, super fuckin' wasted. 895 00:41:21,449 --> 00:41:22,683 Heh. 896 00:41:22,717 --> 00:41:25,519 Sorry. She's very sick. Mentally. 897 00:41:25,553 --> 00:41:28,990 -Why are you here? -She's a patient now. 898 00:41:29,023 --> 00:41:31,592 That's right. I'm going to the vaj doctor. 899 00:41:31,625 --> 00:41:33,361 Please. They're called OB/GYN's. 900 00:41:33,394 --> 00:41:34,795 I-I know what they're called. 901 00:41:34,829 --> 00:41:36,464 -Can I tell you something? -I don't know. 902 00:41:36,496 --> 00:41:38,099 -Is it workplace-appropriate? -Last night, 903 00:41:38,132 --> 00:41:40,201 I told Cameron he's the father. 904 00:41:40,234 --> 00:41:41,869 And? 905 00:41:41,902 --> 00:41:43,771 I mean, he was hesitant at first, 906 00:41:43,804 --> 00:41:45,906 but now he seems super on-board. 907 00:41:45,940 --> 00:41:47,641 He's meeting me at this appointment. 908 00:41:47,675 --> 00:41:49,110 You really think that's a good idea? 909 00:41:49,143 --> 00:41:51,278 You do realize that the doctor's gonna be 910 00:41:51,312 --> 00:41:55,583 able to tell you exactly when the baby was conceived, right? 911 00:41:55,616 --> 00:41:57,151 Yeah, I know. I've thought about that. 912 00:41:57,184 --> 00:42:01,789 But here's the thing. I'm just gonna sort of lie 913 00:42:01,822 --> 00:42:03,924 about when my last period was. 914 00:42:03,958 --> 00:42:05,626 It's only like a three-week difference. 915 00:42:05,659 --> 00:42:07,661 So nobody's gonna know. 916 00:42:07,695 --> 00:42:09,997 Can't believe your evil plan is actually gonna work. 917 00:42:10,031 --> 00:42:12,600 You can't keep calling it evil when everybody's happy. 918 00:42:12,633 --> 00:42:14,368 I wouldn't say that everyone's happy. 919 00:42:14,402 --> 00:42:18,773 Everyone seems pretty happy. I'm happy. Cameron's happy. 920 00:42:18,806 --> 00:42:23,177 It's such a shame your new girlfriend couldn't join us. 921 00:42:23,210 --> 00:42:27,014 Mom, uh, Piper and I broke up. 922 00:42:27,048 --> 00:42:29,583 Oh, Evan! 923 00:42:29,617 --> 00:42:30,985 Mom, it's for the best. 924 00:42:31,018 --> 00:42:33,154 We wanted different things, you know? 925 00:42:33,187 --> 00:42:35,524 I wanted to date her. 926 00:42:35,589 --> 00:42:37,825 She wanted me to not date her. 927 00:42:37,858 --> 00:42:41,028 But how could anyone not want to date my little pop star?! 928 00:42:41,062 --> 00:42:44,365 Oh, I'm not a pop star. My band plays alt rock. 929 00:42:44,398 --> 00:42:47,368 Evan, honey, you don't have to 930 00:42:47,401 --> 00:42:50,539 pick apart the food I make for you. 931 00:42:50,571 --> 00:42:53,574 You know it's always fully cooked. 932 00:42:53,607 --> 00:42:54,909 I know, Mom. 933 00:42:54,942 --> 00:43:00,714 But E. coli can be a tricky little beast. 934 00:43:00,748 --> 00:43:06,220 Well, if you think there's a chance she's the one, 935 00:43:06,253 --> 00:43:07,922 don't give up. 936 00:43:10,224 --> 00:43:12,193 Thanks, Mom. 937 00:43:12,226 --> 00:43:13,562 I thought I'd be more nervous, 938 00:43:13,594 --> 00:43:15,696 but I'm, like, actually -- I'm excited! 939 00:43:15,729 --> 00:43:18,132 Excited. I know. It feels, like, so real. 940 00:43:18,165 --> 00:43:19,733 Yeah. 941 00:43:19,767 --> 00:43:22,736 -Hi. I am Dr. Chapman. -Hey, Doc! 942 00:43:22,770 --> 00:43:25,540 And you two must be Mr. and Mrs. Brennan. 943 00:43:25,574 --> 00:43:29,578 Oh. We're not married, but he is my boyfriend. 944 00:43:29,610 --> 00:43:31,712 Yeah. Cameron. Hey. Nice to meet you. 945 00:43:31,745 --> 00:43:34,549 -How are you? -Okay. Nice to meet you, too. 946 00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:36,016 God, you're so cute. 947 00:43:36,050 --> 00:43:38,219 Um, and so what brings you here today? 948 00:43:38,252 --> 00:43:41,255 Well, I believe I am pregnant. 949 00:43:41,288 --> 00:43:42,524 Took some home pregnancy tests, 950 00:43:42,557 --> 00:43:44,225 and they came back positive, so... 951 00:43:44,258 --> 00:43:46,894 -Yeah. -Really just here to, like, confirm it. 952 00:43:46,927 --> 00:43:48,762 Okay. Let me just take your medical history. 953 00:43:48,796 --> 00:43:50,599 -Okay. Cool. -Okay. 954 00:43:50,631 --> 00:43:53,033 Do you have any underlying medical conditions? 955 00:43:53,067 --> 00:43:54,603 -No. -No. 956 00:43:54,635 --> 00:43:56,403 Okay. Do you smoke, drink, do recreational drugs? 957 00:43:56,437 --> 00:43:58,772 - No. - Mm, not right now. 958 00:43:58,806 --> 00:44:00,941 Not at the moment because of... 959 00:44:00,975 --> 00:44:02,943 this whole thing. -That's funny. 960 00:44:02,977 --> 00:44:06,413 Okay. Let's keep it that way. Is this your first pregnancy? 961 00:44:06,447 --> 00:44:10,451 No. I had an abortion in 2011. 962 00:44:10,484 --> 00:44:12,521 Okay. 963 00:44:12,554 --> 00:44:16,223 -Babe, you had an abortion? -Yeah. 964 00:44:16,257 --> 00:44:19,727 And when was the first day of your last period? 965 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:25,132 Uh, eight weeks ago, and the reason I didn't, 966 00:44:25,166 --> 00:44:28,603 uh, take a-a test sooner is because I was really just, 967 00:44:28,637 --> 00:44:30,905 like, feeling really scared and nervous. 968 00:44:30,938 --> 00:44:32,473 That's totally fine, okay? 969 00:44:32,507 --> 00:44:34,543 We're gonna do an abdominal ultrasound 970 00:44:34,576 --> 00:44:36,110 and see what's happening inside, okay? 971 00:44:36,143 --> 00:44:38,613 Alright. So I'm going to need you to lift up your shirt. 972 00:44:38,647 --> 00:44:39,980 -Okay. -Okay. Lift up your shirt. 973 00:44:40,014 --> 00:44:41,715 I'm going to put some gel on your abdomen. 974 00:44:41,749 --> 00:44:42,983 It's going to be a little cool. 975 00:44:43,017 --> 00:44:47,288 -It's gonna be cold. -You're insane. 976 00:44:47,321 --> 00:44:50,224 - Ooh, wow, that is cold. - It's cold. 977 00:44:50,257 --> 00:44:52,259 -Yeah. -Okay. Alright. 978 00:44:52,293 --> 00:44:53,928 Mm-hmm. 979 00:44:56,197 --> 00:44:58,667 Okay. 980 00:44:58,699 --> 00:45:00,401 Okay. You see that bubble there? 981 00:45:00,434 --> 00:45:05,105 That's the gestational sac. And inside it is your baby. 982 00:45:05,139 --> 00:45:08,809 You're definitely pregnant. Congratulations! 983 00:45:08,842 --> 00:45:13,682 Yes! The baby in there -- on there -- in -- 984 00:45:13,714 --> 00:45:15,849 Oh, my God. Um, okay. 985 00:45:15,883 --> 00:45:18,485 -So, what's next? -Oh, yeah. Next steps. 986 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,920 We determine the due date 987 00:45:19,954 --> 00:45:21,623 and we come up with a prenatal care plan. 988 00:45:21,656 --> 00:45:24,526 Okay. So w-when's the due date? 989 00:45:24,559 --> 00:45:26,628 Okay. Let's see. 990 00:45:26,661 --> 00:45:28,597 Huh! 991 00:45:28,630 --> 00:45:30,864 The fetus looks pretty big... 992 00:45:30,898 --> 00:45:33,267 - Mm. - ...to be only eight weeks. 993 00:45:33,300 --> 00:45:35,670 Piper, you sure your last period was eight weeks ago? 994 00:45:35,704 --> 00:45:37,438 -Yeah, positive. -Okay. 995 00:45:37,471 --> 00:45:40,975 Based on your last period, your due date is mid-February. 996 00:45:41,008 --> 00:45:43,545 I guess you just have a really big baby. 997 00:45:43,578 --> 00:45:45,813 Whoo! Yeah! Hoo-hoo-hoo! 998 00:45:45,846 --> 00:45:48,382 Yeah, it's gonna be a bruiser. 999 00:45:48,415 --> 00:45:49,684 Yeah. Mm. 1000 00:45:50,918 --> 00:45:53,655 -Here is a print-out. -Oh. 1001 00:45:53,688 --> 00:45:56,390 -What? That's -- -Whoa. 1002 00:45:56,423 --> 00:46:00,027 Whoa! 1003 00:46:08,202 --> 00:46:11,005 That's the baby. 1004 00:46:11,038 --> 00:46:13,774 Okay, cool, so we're, like, done here, though? 1005 00:46:16,410 --> 00:46:19,813 This is so pretty. Lot of different flora and fauna. 1006 00:46:19,847 --> 00:46:21,882 Wow. 1007 00:46:21,915 --> 00:46:25,754 Hey! Mom, Dad, we're here. 1008 00:46:25,786 --> 00:46:27,488 Wow, they just leave the door open? 1009 00:46:27,522 --> 00:46:28,922 -Suburbs. -Oh. 1010 00:46:28,956 --> 00:46:31,892 Oh, my God. You grew up here? 1011 00:46:31,925 --> 00:46:33,427 Yeah. 1012 00:46:33,460 --> 00:46:35,730 -Oh, Cameron. -Hey! 1013 00:46:35,764 --> 00:46:37,831 Oh, sweetheart. Mwah! 1014 00:46:37,865 --> 00:46:40,000 Oh, and you must be Piper. 1015 00:46:40,034 --> 00:46:42,604 I am. It's so great to meet you. 1016 00:46:42,637 --> 00:46:45,607 Oh, the pleasure is all mine. 1017 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,409 And there's my future grandchild. 1018 00:46:48,442 --> 00:46:50,277 Oh, Joe, get in here! 1019 00:46:50,311 --> 00:46:51,546 -Coming. -May I? 1020 00:46:51,579 --> 00:46:53,180 -Coming. -Oh, yeah. 1021 00:46:53,213 --> 00:46:54,616 Hello, darling. It's your grandma. 1022 00:46:54,649 --> 00:46:56,350 My apologies, sweetheart. 1023 00:46:56,383 --> 00:46:59,386 I've been totally preoccupied with Old Man Maloney next door. 1024 00:46:59,420 --> 00:47:02,624 Had to beat him down a couple times on the squash court. 1025 00:47:02,657 --> 00:47:04,124 I'm sure. 1026 00:47:04,158 --> 00:47:06,060 Old Man Maloney's the same age as you, pal. 1027 00:47:06,093 --> 00:47:07,796 He doesn't play like me, now, does he? 1028 00:47:07,828 --> 00:47:10,632 You know. 1029 00:47:10,665 --> 00:47:12,966 -Oh! Huh. -Hi! So nice to meet you. 1030 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,069 -Piper. -Joe Cassidy. 1031 00:47:15,102 --> 00:47:16,638 -So -- -Lovely to meet you. Piper? 1032 00:47:16,671 --> 00:47:18,238 -Piper. Yeah. -Huh. 1033 00:47:18,272 --> 00:47:21,975 Well, now that we're all acquainted, come on inside. 1034 00:47:22,009 --> 00:47:24,912 Okay. Aww! That's such a cute dog. 1035 00:47:24,945 --> 00:47:26,980 -That's my other son. -What's his name? 1036 00:47:27,014 --> 00:47:28,650 -Bonzo. -We had to put him down 1037 00:47:28,683 --> 00:47:29,818 a couple weeks ago. 1038 00:47:29,850 --> 00:47:32,019 -Oh. -So, there I was, 1039 00:47:32,052 --> 00:47:34,221 out of bait, entirely. 1040 00:47:34,254 --> 00:47:38,158 I spot this 42-pound striped bass, 1041 00:47:38,192 --> 00:47:40,928 and he's staring me right in the eyes. 1042 00:47:48,869 --> 00:47:50,805 And how did I catch it, you ask? 1043 00:47:50,839 --> 00:47:52,339 How -- how did you catch it? 1044 00:47:52,373 --> 00:47:54,642 You know, I ask myself the same damn question -- 1045 00:47:54,676 --> 00:47:56,343 Who would like some hors d'oeuvres? 1046 00:47:56,377 --> 00:47:57,512 Oh. 1047 00:47:57,545 --> 00:47:58,747 I've got your favorite, Cameron. 1048 00:47:58,780 --> 00:48:00,347 Pesto with a goat-cheese spread. 1049 00:48:00,381 --> 00:48:03,183 Diane! I was right in the middle of a story. 1050 00:48:03,217 --> 00:48:06,688 Oh, Joe, nobody cares about the striped bass. 1051 00:48:06,721 --> 00:48:08,288 We've heard it a million times. 1052 00:48:08,322 --> 00:48:09,990 You caught the fish with the scraps of your lunch. 1053 00:48:10,023 --> 00:48:11,693 But she's never heard it before. 1054 00:48:11,726 --> 00:48:13,160 There'll be plenty of time 1055 00:48:13,193 --> 00:48:15,262 for you to share your stories with Piper. 1056 00:48:15,295 --> 00:48:17,264 She's part of the family now. 1057 00:48:17,297 --> 00:48:19,166 Aww. 1058 00:48:19,199 --> 00:48:21,368 And on that note, Piper... 1059 00:48:22,837 --> 00:48:25,005 There's something that I want you to have. 1060 00:48:26,875 --> 00:48:28,643 -Oh. -Yeah. 1061 00:48:28,676 --> 00:48:30,210 It's an old family heirloom. 1062 00:48:30,244 --> 00:48:32,781 - Mom. - I can't take that. 1063 00:48:32,814 --> 00:48:35,282 My mother gave it to me when I was pregnant with Cameron. 1064 00:48:35,315 --> 00:48:37,852 My grandmother gave it to her. 1065 00:48:37,886 --> 00:48:39,554 I always dreamed that someday I would give it 1066 00:48:39,587 --> 00:48:44,958 to my own daughter, but seeing as I only had a son, 1067 00:48:44,992 --> 00:48:46,661 I thought it would be fitting if I gave it to you. 1068 00:48:46,694 --> 00:48:47,896 Mm. 1069 00:48:47,928 --> 00:48:51,666 The mother of my first grandchild. 1070 00:48:51,699 --> 00:48:55,335 -Oh! -This is -- wow. 1071 00:48:55,369 --> 00:48:58,238 It's, like, the nicest thing anyone's ever given me. 1072 00:48:58,272 --> 00:49:00,675 I'm so happy these two are hitting it off, you know? 1073 00:49:00,708 --> 00:49:04,144 I was a little nervous after your initial reaction. 1074 00:49:04,178 --> 00:49:05,747 Well, obviously, I was a little shocked. 1075 00:49:05,780 --> 00:49:07,549 - Mm. - I mean, who wouldn't be? 1076 00:49:07,582 --> 00:49:09,517 You kids have only been together a couple of months, 1077 00:49:09,551 --> 00:49:14,388 but when I heard how Cameron talked about you on the phone... 1078 00:49:14,421 --> 00:49:15,557 -Mwah. -Mm. Hmm. 1079 00:49:15,590 --> 00:49:18,225 Seeing you two together today, 1080 00:49:18,258 --> 00:49:20,427 I don't think I've ever seen you this happy, Cameron. 1081 00:49:20,461 --> 00:49:21,663 No. 1082 00:49:21,696 --> 00:49:24,164 Oh, my God. 1083 00:49:24,198 --> 00:49:27,434 Do you know what this is? 1084 00:49:27,468 --> 00:49:29,102 It's magical. 1085 00:49:29,136 --> 00:49:33,407 Like a classic Cassidy family moment. 1086 00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:35,944 Yes! I know what you're thinking, Dad. 1087 00:49:35,976 --> 00:49:37,879 I think we need a photograph. 1088 00:49:37,912 --> 00:49:39,446 -Oh, yes. -Yes! 1089 00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:40,849 - In front of the mantelpiece. - Come on now. 1090 00:49:40,882 --> 00:49:42,584 What are we thinking? 1091 00:49:42,617 --> 00:49:44,686 -Time for a group family photo. -Come on. 1092 00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:46,588 Okay. 1093 00:49:46,621 --> 00:49:48,523 I want to get Bonzo in the background here, okay? 1094 00:49:48,556 --> 00:49:49,757 Okay, squeeze in tight. 1095 00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:52,694 And then, un, deux, trois. 1096 00:49:52,727 --> 00:49:54,929 -Family! -Family! 1097 00:50:06,908 --> 00:50:08,475 Are you okay? 1098 00:50:08,510 --> 00:50:10,879 Mnh-mnh. No. No. 1099 00:50:10,912 --> 00:50:12,446 What's wrong, hon? 1100 00:50:12,479 --> 00:50:16,818 It's just, all of this, you know, it's... 1101 00:50:16,851 --> 00:50:18,151 it's a lot. 1102 00:50:18,185 --> 00:50:19,921 It's a lot. 1103 00:50:19,954 --> 00:50:23,156 What do you mean? 1104 00:50:23,190 --> 00:50:26,093 I didn't grow up like this, you know? 1105 00:50:26,126 --> 00:50:31,566 This is utopia, and that was not my childhood. 1106 00:50:31,599 --> 00:50:32,800 You know, so... 1107 00:50:32,834 --> 00:50:34,167 Listen, I just -- I just -- 1108 00:50:34,201 --> 00:50:36,270 I just want you to be happy, you know? 1109 00:50:36,303 --> 00:50:38,171 They're just really excited, you know? 1110 00:50:38,205 --> 00:50:40,842 If you can give them a break, it's their first grandchild. 1111 00:50:40,875 --> 00:50:42,911 Come on. 1112 00:50:42,944 --> 00:50:45,112 Come on, we miss you out there. 1113 00:50:45,145 --> 00:50:46,748 Come on, we miss you out there. 1114 00:50:46,781 --> 00:50:49,584 Come on. Let's go. 1115 00:50:49,617 --> 00:50:51,451 Now try it with me. Breathe in, breathe out. 1116 00:50:51,485 --> 00:50:54,756 Hey, P! Can you put headphones in? 1117 00:50:54,789 --> 00:50:55,957 Now the baby is en route. 1118 00:50:55,990 --> 00:50:57,625 Sorry! I forgot you were home. 1119 00:50:57,659 --> 00:50:59,426 Hey, what's going on? 1120 00:50:59,459 --> 00:51:03,130 Jane Brantley sent me over so many notes. 1121 00:51:03,163 --> 00:51:04,866 Okay. When do you have to submit your new draft? 1122 00:51:04,899 --> 00:51:06,433 Next month. 1123 00:51:06,466 --> 00:51:09,671 But I haven't made any progress in, like, weeks. 1124 00:51:09,704 --> 00:51:11,005 It's just, like, really hard 1125 00:51:11,039 --> 00:51:12,674 to write about any type of relationship 1126 00:51:12,707 --> 00:51:15,208 when I'm going through all this stuff with Cameron. 1127 00:51:15,242 --> 00:51:20,213 Like, how am I qualified to give any kind of dating advice? 1128 00:51:20,247 --> 00:51:21,616 Why don't you just take a break? 1129 00:51:21,649 --> 00:51:23,618 I mean, you've been in here all day. 1130 00:51:23,651 --> 00:51:24,953 I was. 1131 00:51:24,986 --> 00:51:26,721 I was watching some Lamaze videos, 1132 00:51:26,754 --> 00:51:28,155 'cause I signed up for a class. 1133 00:51:28,188 --> 00:51:29,857 Are you also gonna move to Connecticut 1134 00:51:29,891 --> 00:51:31,458 and open a tiny candle shop? 1135 00:51:31,491 --> 00:51:34,494 Okay, that does sound very nice, actually. 1136 00:51:35,763 --> 00:51:37,230 What, are we in the '90s? 1137 00:51:37,264 --> 00:51:39,399 What? 1138 00:51:47,609 --> 00:51:49,711 -Cassidy? -Hey! 1139 00:51:49,744 --> 00:51:52,080 I wanted to thank you so much for, uh, you know, 1140 00:51:52,112 --> 00:51:54,082 allowing me to leave early today. 1141 00:51:54,114 --> 00:51:57,051 Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 1142 00:51:57,085 --> 00:51:59,219 Tanaka just sent over the initial deal points, 1143 00:51:59,252 --> 00:52:02,090 and he wants them reviewed by end of day. 1144 00:52:02,122 --> 00:52:05,192 Okay. Um... 1145 00:52:05,225 --> 00:52:07,729 Yeah, I was, uh -- Remember I, uh -- 1146 00:52:07,762 --> 00:52:11,099 I was, uh, told you I had an application 1147 00:52:11,131 --> 00:52:13,101 with my girlfriend this afternoon. 1148 00:52:13,133 --> 00:52:16,704 Well, staying late with me will have its perks. 1149 00:52:16,738 --> 00:52:19,874 She's actually, like, on her way over here right now. 1150 00:52:19,907 --> 00:52:22,110 -Mm. -So, this is, uh, t-- 1151 00:52:22,142 --> 00:52:23,745 to juggle, you know? 1152 00:52:23,778 --> 00:52:25,178 Relax, Cassidy, 1153 00:52:25,212 --> 00:52:26,948 I'm talking about making you partner 1154 00:52:26,981 --> 00:52:28,950 when Lord comes back from Florida. 1155 00:52:28,983 --> 00:52:30,518 But I like where your head's at. 1156 00:52:30,551 --> 00:52:33,186 You're talking about making me a partner? 1157 00:52:33,220 --> 00:52:36,256 So, I take it you'll be staying late? 1158 00:52:37,357 --> 00:52:39,627 Ah. 1159 00:52:39,661 --> 00:52:41,361 Ah, geez. 1160 00:52:41,395 --> 00:52:44,264 Just imagine the life you could give her and your child 1161 00:52:44,297 --> 00:52:45,967 on a partner's salary. 1162 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,069 Uh, let me think about that. Yes. 1163 00:52:48,102 --> 00:52:49,737 This is amazing! 1164 00:52:49,771 --> 00:52:52,439 Meet me in my office in 10. 1165 00:52:52,472 --> 00:52:56,711 Oh, and, Cassidy, I hope you like cheesecake. 1166 00:52:58,780 --> 00:53:01,448 -Hello. -Hello. 1167 00:53:01,481 --> 00:53:04,484 What the actual fuck is going on in this office? 1168 00:53:04,519 --> 00:53:06,921 She's, like, whispering sweet nothings in your ear 1169 00:53:06,954 --> 00:53:08,556 about cheesecake? 1170 00:53:08,589 --> 00:53:10,825 Ah, it's not -- it's not what you think. 1171 00:53:10,858 --> 00:53:12,126 You guys were cheek-to-cheek. 1172 00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:13,795 You were basically slow dancing. 1173 00:53:13,828 --> 00:53:15,663 -Shh. -You shh! 1174 00:53:15,697 --> 00:53:20,333 She was just, like, offering me a promotion, actually. 1175 00:53:20,367 --> 00:53:23,171 Okay, obviously, it's cool if you get a promotion. 1176 00:53:23,203 --> 00:53:25,940 We all love a pay bump. We all love a title bump. 1177 00:53:25,973 --> 00:53:28,442 -Yes. -But come on. 1178 00:53:28,475 --> 00:53:31,779 That's like an H.R. nightmare waiting to happen. 1179 00:53:31,813 --> 00:53:33,681 Yeah. 1180 00:53:33,715 --> 00:53:34,849 What about Lamaze class? 1181 00:53:34,882 --> 00:53:36,150 Can we take a rain check? 1182 00:53:36,184 --> 00:53:38,318 Come on! I paid in advance. 1183 00:53:38,351 --> 00:53:39,954 This is really important to me. 1184 00:53:39,987 --> 00:53:42,456 Can you just go by yourself? Just this one time? 1185 00:53:42,489 --> 00:53:44,192 Yeah, yeah. Happy to go by myself. 1186 00:53:44,224 --> 00:53:47,195 Yeah, I'll just fly solo to Lamaze class, 1187 00:53:47,227 --> 00:53:50,631 and you can stay here and lick cheesecake 1188 00:53:50,665 --> 00:53:55,335 off of your gorgeous boss with the perfect teeth! 1189 00:53:55,368 --> 00:53:57,205 Enjoy your cheesecake! 1190 00:53:57,237 --> 00:53:59,306 Oh, we will. Thank you. 1191 00:54:01,075 --> 00:54:02,476 Hi. For Piper. 1192 00:54:05,412 --> 00:54:07,648 Good evening, Miss. If you're hungry, 1193 00:54:07,682 --> 00:54:10,518 there's supplies to make s'mores behind my seat. 1194 00:54:10,551 --> 00:54:13,487 Oh, my God. Evan. 1195 00:54:13,521 --> 00:54:15,957 Evan Ebert, at your service. 1196 00:54:15,990 --> 00:54:18,860 Of course you're my Uber driver. 1197 00:54:18,893 --> 00:54:21,996 It's not exactly how I envisioned our second date. 1198 00:54:23,396 --> 00:54:24,699 Jesus Christ. 1199 00:54:24,732 --> 00:54:26,299 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 1200 00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:29,237 Maya told me you're seeing someone, and... 1201 00:54:29,269 --> 00:54:31,404 Well, I'm assuming it's going really well, 1202 00:54:31,438 --> 00:54:34,008 based on your drop-off location. 1203 00:54:34,041 --> 00:54:35,743 Yeah. Thought it was going well, 1204 00:54:35,777 --> 00:54:41,549 but here I am, going to my first Lamaze class by myself. 1205 00:54:41,582 --> 00:54:43,584 You want to talk about it? 1206 00:54:43,618 --> 00:54:46,187 You really want to hear me bitch about my problems? 1207 00:54:46,220 --> 00:54:47,688 Yeah, of course. 1208 00:54:47,722 --> 00:54:49,257 Feels like a conflict of interest, you know? 1209 00:54:49,289 --> 00:54:51,926 Oh, no, that's ancient history. 1210 00:54:51,959 --> 00:54:55,530 No, I'd love to hear you bitch about your problems. 1211 00:54:55,563 --> 00:54:56,597 Okay. 1212 00:54:56,631 --> 00:54:59,432 -I care about you, Piper. -Evan... 1213 00:54:59,466 --> 00:55:02,870 Come on, I -- You know I do. 1214 00:55:02,904 --> 00:55:04,939 Seriously, I'm all ears. 1215 00:55:06,073 --> 00:55:11,078 Okay. Well, uh, if you insist. 1216 00:55:11,112 --> 00:55:14,615 I met this guy, and, uh... 1217 00:55:14,649 --> 00:55:18,085 I thought he was a really great match for me. 1218 00:55:18,119 --> 00:55:22,523 I saw a future with us, and I saw us having a family together, 1219 00:55:22,557 --> 00:55:27,929 and now everything just feels a little off. 1220 00:55:27,962 --> 00:55:29,462 Now it really sucks. 1221 00:55:29,496 --> 00:55:33,433 And I'm not thrilled about going to Lamaze by myself. 1222 00:55:33,466 --> 00:55:36,436 That's easy. I mean, you just gotta do the Humming Dove. 1223 00:55:36,469 --> 00:55:38,773 It's my favorite move. I love Lamaze. 1224 00:55:38,806 --> 00:55:41,776 You know Lamaze? What is happening? 1225 00:55:41,809 --> 00:55:44,779 Well, I get super nervous when my band's about to perform, 1226 00:55:44,812 --> 00:55:46,814 and so I got online, 1227 00:55:46,848 --> 00:55:49,482 and I started looking at all these relaxed breathing videos 1228 00:55:49,517 --> 00:55:52,820 and came across all these Lamaze channels, and it's awesome. 1229 00:55:52,854 --> 00:55:56,624 It's not just helpful to moms. It can help anyone. 1230 00:55:56,657 --> 00:55:58,326 I've found this one technique 1231 00:55:58,358 --> 00:56:00,761 where you inhale through the nose, 1232 00:56:00,795 --> 00:56:05,099 exhale through your mouth while audibly humming. 1233 00:56:05,132 --> 00:56:07,568 -Huh. -Like... 1234 00:56:07,602 --> 00:56:10,304 -Ooh... -Okay, okay, okay. 1235 00:56:10,338 --> 00:56:13,174 It works great. It helps me a ton. 1236 00:56:13,207 --> 00:56:14,809 Very interesting, Evan Ebert. 1237 00:56:14,842 --> 00:56:16,944 I'm learning a lot about you today. 1238 00:56:16,978 --> 00:56:18,346 And while you're at it, 1239 00:56:18,378 --> 00:56:19,947 you gotta check out Mommy Two Be's channel. 1240 00:56:19,981 --> 00:56:21,616 -Hers is the best. -Did you say, "Mommy Two Be"? 1241 00:56:21,649 --> 00:56:23,517 -Yeah. -I'm obsessed. 1242 00:56:23,551 --> 00:56:24,819 -I watch her videos all the time. 1243 00:56:24,852 --> 00:56:26,354 -Breathe in. -Oh, oh, oh, yeah. 1244 00:56:26,386 --> 00:56:27,788 Breathe -- breathe in. -Breathe in. 1245 00:56:27,822 --> 00:56:30,691 Breathe out... 'til the baby's en route. 1246 00:56:30,725 --> 00:56:32,526 My God. And you use that, like, 1247 00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:34,528 when you're just with your bandmates? 1248 00:56:34,562 --> 00:56:37,031 They think it's weird when I say that part, 1249 00:56:37,064 --> 00:56:39,567 but then we put on a good show, and they shut up. 1250 00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:42,370 -It's great. -Very interesting. 1251 00:56:42,402 --> 00:56:44,672 God, Mommy Two Be. 1252 00:56:44,705 --> 00:56:47,341 I wish she was going with me to Lamaze class. 1253 00:56:47,375 --> 00:56:49,143 I love her. 1254 00:56:49,176 --> 00:56:54,382 I-I don't think it's too weird, but I-I could go with you, 1255 00:56:54,414 --> 00:56:56,684 if you need some support or help. 1256 00:56:56,717 --> 00:56:58,819 I'm good. I'm good. But thank you. 1257 00:56:58,853 --> 00:57:02,890 That's really nice of you to offer, but no. 1258 00:57:02,924 --> 00:57:04,491 -It's not -- That's what she can say -- 1259 00:57:04,525 --> 00:57:06,426 You wouldn't have come if I didn't. 1260 00:57:08,896 --> 00:57:11,464 Right over there. 1261 00:57:11,498 --> 00:57:14,135 I see the seat. 1262 00:57:14,168 --> 00:57:15,468 This is weird. 1263 00:57:15,502 --> 00:57:17,038 Okay. Wow. 1264 00:57:17,071 --> 00:57:19,307 God, I'm, like, breakdancing. 1265 00:57:19,340 --> 00:57:20,908 -Oh, my gosh. -What? 1266 00:57:20,942 --> 00:57:22,343 That's Travis Boyer. 1267 00:57:22,376 --> 00:57:24,879 -Want a yoga block? -Maybe. 1268 00:57:24,912 --> 00:57:27,415 -Who? -You want a ball instead? 1269 00:57:27,447 --> 00:57:29,083 I want a yoga ball. 1270 00:57:29,116 --> 00:57:31,484 He's, like, the top music executive here in Philly. 1271 00:57:31,519 --> 00:57:33,287 -I can't believe he's here. -Yeah. 1272 00:57:33,321 --> 00:57:36,657 Why don't you go introduce yourself before class starts? 1273 00:57:36,691 --> 00:57:38,826 -Can we have pizza? -Tonight? 1274 00:57:38,859 --> 00:57:41,494 -Yes. -We had pizza yesterday. 1275 00:57:41,529 --> 00:57:42,930 I'm not gonna bother him with his family. 1276 00:57:42,964 --> 00:57:45,266 I'll do it some other time, maybe after. 1277 00:57:45,299 --> 00:57:47,001 -But I still want pizza. -Okay. 1278 00:57:47,034 --> 00:57:49,270 We can have another pizza. What kind? 1279 00:57:49,303 --> 00:57:50,604 I want to leave. I hate this. 1280 00:57:50,638 --> 00:57:51,806 -We're here. -I hate it. I hate it. 1281 00:57:51,839 --> 00:57:53,441 -Comfy? -No, I'm not physically 1282 00:57:53,473 --> 00:57:55,343 comfortable, I'm not comfortable with you here. 1283 00:57:55,376 --> 00:57:58,045 I'm guessing this is your first child, baby. 1284 00:57:58,079 --> 00:57:59,447 You can tell? 1285 00:57:59,479 --> 00:58:01,048 You look more scared than Antwaan every time 1286 00:58:01,082 --> 00:58:03,617 I tell him "I just want to take myself out for a drive." 1287 00:58:03,651 --> 00:58:05,419 Because every time you go for a drive, 1288 00:58:05,453 --> 00:58:06,787 you leave me home with them kids. 1289 00:58:06,821 --> 00:58:08,889 This is cute. You guys are cute. 1290 00:58:08,923 --> 00:58:11,525 This clearly is not your first time doing this. 1291 00:58:11,559 --> 00:58:13,594 We have two at home, but I do promise you this -- 1292 00:58:13,627 --> 00:58:15,896 with each one, easier than the last. 1293 00:58:15,930 --> 00:58:18,132 We do it for the bonding experience, you know? 1294 00:58:18,165 --> 00:58:19,433 -Mm. -Keeps us close. 1295 00:58:19,467 --> 00:58:21,135 -Mmm. -Mmm. Give me that sugar. 1296 00:58:21,168 --> 00:58:22,536 It must be nice. 1297 00:58:22,570 --> 00:58:24,071 Good afternoon, moms and dads. 1298 00:58:24,105 --> 00:58:26,507 Oh. 1299 00:58:28,476 --> 00:58:31,112 What a presence. 1300 00:58:31,145 --> 00:58:32,613 Good evening. 1301 00:58:32,646 --> 00:58:35,750 My name's Steve. Welcome to Lamaze class. 1302 00:58:35,783 --> 00:58:38,486 To start off, I want you all to sit pretzel style 1303 00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:39,787 across from your partner. 1304 00:58:39,820 --> 00:58:43,157 Hold each other's hands as you breathe. 1305 00:58:46,027 --> 00:58:47,928 Deeply. 1306 00:58:55,703 --> 00:58:58,472 As you breathe, I want you to explore 1307 00:58:58,507 --> 00:59:01,342 every part of your partner. 1308 00:59:01,375 --> 00:59:03,512 I want you to know their heartbeat. 1309 00:59:03,544 --> 00:59:05,312 It's very intense. 1310 00:59:05,346 --> 00:59:09,350 I want you to look into their eyes and discover their soul. 1311 00:59:09,383 --> 00:59:13,120 I want you to be the baby. 1312 00:59:13,154 --> 00:59:16,457 Okay. Just... 1313 00:59:16,490 --> 00:59:19,528 Excellent. Great start. 1314 00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:22,163 Now, moms, stay where you are. 1315 00:59:22,196 --> 00:59:24,465 Dads, get behind your partners. 1316 00:59:24,498 --> 00:59:26,033 Place your hands on their shoulders. 1317 00:59:26,067 --> 00:59:28,869 Now it's time to show your sensitive side. 1318 00:59:28,903 --> 00:59:32,640 Moms, I want you to continue with your deep breathing, 1319 00:59:32,673 --> 00:59:34,675 as if your baby's on the way. 1320 00:59:34,708 --> 00:59:36,545 Dads, I want you to give support and strength 1321 00:59:36,577 --> 00:59:37,878 throughout the whole process. 1322 00:59:37,912 --> 00:59:39,548 Just listen. Listen to my words. 1323 00:59:39,580 --> 00:59:40,881 Be the peanut butter to her jelly. 1324 00:59:40,915 --> 00:59:42,349 -The macaroni to her cheese. -Okay? 1325 00:59:42,383 --> 00:59:43,518 Mm-hmm. 1326 00:59:43,552 --> 00:59:46,954 The Harry Potter to her Hermione. 1327 00:59:46,987 --> 00:59:49,790 Actually, Harry and Hermione aren't like that. 1328 00:59:49,824 --> 00:59:52,059 Their relationship is strictly platonic. 1329 00:59:52,093 --> 00:59:54,563 Shut up, Travis. 1330 00:59:54,595 --> 00:59:57,566 This is a safe space. 1331 00:59:57,598 --> 01:00:02,803 Piper, you are a beautiful flower. 1332 01:00:02,837 --> 01:00:07,708 You are so strong and you have so much love to give. 1333 01:00:07,741 --> 01:00:10,678 You will be an incredible mother, 1334 01:00:10,711 --> 01:00:13,582 and with every breath that you take, 1335 01:00:13,614 --> 01:00:16,750 you radiate love straight from your heart 1336 01:00:16,784 --> 01:00:20,254 to your child to all those around you. 1337 01:00:25,693 --> 01:00:28,429 Damn, that was smooth. My boy got game. 1338 01:00:28,462 --> 01:00:33,367 I want every dad in this room to take notes from this guy. 1339 01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:35,570 That's exactly the type of support 1340 01:00:35,604 --> 01:00:38,439 it'll take to get through this pregnancy. 1341 01:00:51,785 --> 01:00:57,358 Everything okay, Piper? You seem a little quiet. 1342 01:00:57,391 --> 01:00:59,059 No, everything's fine. 1343 01:00:59,093 --> 01:01:01,428 I'm just -- I'm just thinking about the class 1344 01:01:01,462 --> 01:01:03,397 that we -- that we went to. 1345 01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:04,633 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 1346 01:01:04,665 --> 01:01:06,635 That was -- It's funny 1347 01:01:06,667 --> 01:01:08,603 how everyone kept thinking we were a couple. 1348 01:01:08,637 --> 01:01:10,905 It's weird. 1349 01:01:12,306 --> 01:01:14,576 Yeah, it was hilarious. 1350 01:01:14,609 --> 01:01:16,977 Hey, what about that Steve guy? 1351 01:01:17,011 --> 01:01:19,947 That guy looked like he should have been oiling up on 1352 01:01:19,980 --> 01:01:23,884 Venice Beach instead of teaching pregnant women how to breathe. 1353 01:01:23,918 --> 01:01:25,986 He was -- he was a buff dude. 1354 01:01:26,020 --> 01:01:29,624 -Yeah. -Yeah. He was -- yeah. 1355 01:01:32,126 --> 01:01:34,461 He was a big dude. 1356 01:01:34,495 --> 01:01:35,729 -Well... -Whoa. 1357 01:01:35,763 --> 01:01:38,332 ...here's your stop. 1358 01:01:38,365 --> 01:01:39,500 This is your stop, too, right? 1359 01:01:39,534 --> 01:01:41,368 Aren't you gonna come upstairs? 1360 01:01:41,402 --> 01:01:44,104 Yeah, actually I'm gonna run over to Office Depot. 1361 01:01:44,138 --> 01:01:47,074 My band has this big gig coming up at the Union Firehouse 1362 01:01:47,107 --> 01:01:50,612 in a couple months, and I want to print up some fliers. 1363 01:01:50,645 --> 01:01:52,980 Oh. That's, like, a great venue. 1364 01:01:53,013 --> 01:01:56,083 That's huge. Wow. That's a big deal. 1365 01:01:56,116 --> 01:02:01,021 Yeah, yeah, it's, uh, definitely our biggest show to date. 1366 01:02:01,055 --> 01:02:02,624 Wow. 1367 01:02:02,657 --> 01:02:04,825 You know, I, uh -- I do have a printer 1368 01:02:04,858 --> 01:02:06,628 if you want to just use my printer. 1369 01:02:06,661 --> 01:02:08,462 You don't have to go to Office Depot. 1370 01:02:08,495 --> 01:02:10,097 -Well, uh, are you sure? -Yeah. 1371 01:02:10,130 --> 01:02:12,601 I mean, I got like 100 copies to print, so... 1372 01:02:12,634 --> 01:02:14,868 Oh, yeah. I mean, I have, like, 1373 01:02:14,902 --> 01:02:17,304 hoarder levels of paper in my apartment. 1374 01:02:17,338 --> 01:02:19,273 It's all yours. 1375 01:02:19,306 --> 01:02:22,677 Hunky dory. I'll be sure to print up an extra one for you. 1376 01:02:22,711 --> 01:02:25,714 I still want you to see one of my shows, okay? 1377 01:02:25,746 --> 01:02:28,650 Yeah. You know, I can... 1378 01:02:28,683 --> 01:02:30,518 make a cup of coffee if you come upstairs. 1379 01:02:30,552 --> 01:02:32,219 We can, like, settle in. 1380 01:02:32,253 --> 01:02:34,556 You can tell me all about the gig and your music and... 1381 01:02:34,589 --> 01:02:36,056 Ooh, I don't know. 1382 01:02:36,090 --> 01:02:37,891 My mom says it's usually not good 1383 01:02:37,925 --> 01:02:41,563 to drink coffee after 4:00 p.m. 1384 01:02:41,596 --> 01:02:43,497 Maybe I'll make an exception? 1385 01:02:43,531 --> 01:02:45,232 Okay. 1386 01:02:45,266 --> 01:02:46,834 Cool. Don't tell mom. 1387 01:02:46,867 --> 01:02:49,837 Don't. She'll kill me. 1388 01:02:49,870 --> 01:02:51,640 You also don't have to have coffee. 1389 01:02:51,673 --> 01:02:55,242 You could just... come in and hang. 1390 01:02:55,276 --> 01:02:58,245 No, I'm just so grateful that you even went with me 1391 01:02:58,279 --> 01:03:01,415 to a Lamaze class. Well, I told you -- 1392 01:03:01,448 --> 01:03:03,083 -Hey. -Oh. 1393 01:03:04,719 --> 01:03:06,086 Cam, what are you doing here? 1394 01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:09,456 You went to a Lamaze class together? 1395 01:03:09,490 --> 01:03:12,826 I like your shirt, man. It's, uh, cool style. 1396 01:03:12,860 --> 01:03:14,729 Mm, yeah. Wow. 1397 01:03:14,763 --> 01:03:16,731 We're twins. 1398 01:03:16,765 --> 01:03:18,866 I got out of work earlier than I expected, 1399 01:03:18,899 --> 01:03:21,869 so I made this romantic dinner, 1400 01:03:21,902 --> 01:03:26,440 and you come in with the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz. 1401 01:03:26,473 --> 01:03:29,009 -Um... -That's a good one. 1402 01:03:29,043 --> 01:03:31,445 Yeah, I, uh -- I'm actually Evan. 1403 01:03:31,478 --> 01:03:36,116 I'm her, um, neighbor and, um -- and I'm also gonna get goin'. 1404 01:03:36,150 --> 01:03:38,085 Oh, no, you can still use the printer. 1405 01:03:38,118 --> 01:03:39,953 -No, it's fine. Fine. -Your fliers. 1406 01:03:39,987 --> 01:03:41,922 Follow the yellow brick road, bitch. 1407 01:03:41,955 --> 01:03:44,124 See ya, Piper. Nice meeting you, Cameron. 1408 01:03:44,158 --> 01:03:47,027 Okay, why are you mad at Evan? 1409 01:03:47,061 --> 01:03:49,096 -He did nothing wrong. -He did nothing wrong? 1410 01:03:49,129 --> 01:03:51,131 You don't go to a Lamaze class with a girl 1411 01:03:51,165 --> 01:03:53,400 if you're not the father of the baby. 1412 01:03:53,434 --> 01:03:55,737 I mean, do you think I didn't want to go? 1413 01:03:55,770 --> 01:03:58,138 You -- You think I wanted to work late? 1414 01:03:58,172 --> 01:04:02,711 We need this promotion. We need to support our family. 1415 01:04:02,744 --> 01:04:04,945 Look, I'm sorry, you know? 1416 01:04:04,978 --> 01:04:06,648 And I'm sorry. Your -- Your -- 1417 01:04:06,681 --> 01:04:08,315 Your friend seemed like a nice guy. 1418 01:04:08,349 --> 01:04:10,719 I was inappropriate. 1419 01:04:10,752 --> 01:04:13,053 No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1420 01:04:13,087 --> 01:04:14,756 -Yeah, I'm sorry too. -I'm so sorry. 1421 01:04:14,789 --> 01:04:17,491 No, I'm serious. This is new for us, 1422 01:04:17,525 --> 01:04:19,561 -and I'm sorry that I... -Yeah. 1423 01:04:19,594 --> 01:04:20,994 I just wanted to be with you. 1424 01:04:21,028 --> 01:04:23,497 -Really? -Yes, and I missed it. 1425 01:04:23,531 --> 01:04:24,898 I'm so sad. 1426 01:04:24,932 --> 01:04:26,266 -Mm. -Oh, honey. 1427 01:04:26,300 --> 01:04:27,802 -I'm sorry. -Mm. 1428 01:04:27,836 --> 01:04:29,970 -And you made me dinner? -Mm-hmm. 1429 01:04:30,003 --> 01:04:31,438 Is that feta? 1430 01:04:31,472 --> 01:04:33,575 Quinoa salad with feta. 1431 01:04:33,608 --> 01:04:35,476 I love feta. 1432 01:04:50,324 --> 01:04:51,693 Oh! 1433 01:04:51,726 --> 01:04:52,861 What's wrong, baby? 1434 01:04:52,893 --> 01:04:54,161 -Oh! -You okay? 1435 01:04:54,194 --> 01:04:55,630 -Yeah. -What's wrong? 1436 01:04:55,663 --> 01:04:57,030 I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. 1437 01:04:57,064 --> 01:04:58,999 Sorry, I just -- -Okay. 1438 01:04:59,032 --> 01:05:00,635 Just, eh, talk dirty to me. 1439 01:05:00,668 --> 01:05:02,771 -Huh? Oh, wow. -Yeah. 1440 01:05:02,804 --> 01:05:04,171 Alright. Yeah. 1441 01:05:04,204 --> 01:05:06,106 -Yeah, bitch. -Oh, bitch, yeah. 1442 01:05:06,140 --> 01:05:08,942 Oh. Mm, yeah. I knocked you up. 1443 01:05:08,976 --> 01:05:10,879 -You did. -Mm! 1444 01:05:10,911 --> 01:05:13,480 -Mm-hmm. -No, I knocked you up. 1445 01:05:15,082 --> 01:05:17,719 -I'm sorry! Oh, my God. -What the fuck, Piper? 1446 01:05:17,752 --> 01:05:20,522 I'm sorry. I don't know, I don't know. 1447 01:05:21,589 --> 01:05:23,357 Okay. 1448 01:05:23,390 --> 01:05:25,259 Hey, P? You almost ready? 1449 01:05:25,292 --> 01:05:27,695 Cameron said to get to the country club by three... 1450 01:05:29,062 --> 01:05:32,132 Hey, are you okay? 1451 01:05:32,166 --> 01:05:35,870 I think I need to break up with Cameron. 1452 01:05:35,904 --> 01:05:38,540 I can't keep doing this to him. 1453 01:05:38,573 --> 01:05:42,176 He deserves real love, and he's just not getting that kind of, 1454 01:05:42,209 --> 01:05:45,979 like, true love from me. 1455 01:05:46,013 --> 01:05:51,653 Hey, Cameron isn't the only one who deserves true love. 1456 01:05:54,923 --> 01:05:57,759 You were right. 1457 01:05:57,792 --> 01:06:00,093 Love isn't calculated. 1458 01:06:00,127 --> 01:06:02,996 So, guessing you want me to stay here 1459 01:06:03,030 --> 01:06:04,866 while you go talk to Cameron? 1460 01:06:04,899 --> 01:06:08,502 Yeah. Unless you want to witness 1461 01:06:08,536 --> 01:06:11,940 the most awkward conversation of all time. 1462 01:06:11,972 --> 01:06:14,208 Yeah. I'll -- I'll hang here. 1463 01:06:14,241 --> 01:06:16,176 Besides, I thought it was really weird 1464 01:06:16,210 --> 01:06:18,780 that he kept insisting I come along to lunch with you guys. 1465 01:06:18,813 --> 01:06:20,582 Oh, yeah. 1466 01:06:20,615 --> 01:06:22,182 I think he just wanted to introduce you to one 1467 01:06:22,216 --> 01:06:23,918 of his weird friends. 1468 01:06:23,952 --> 01:06:27,221 Oh, my God. Him and my mom should be in a club. 1469 01:06:27,254 --> 01:06:29,524 What's the plan for after you break up with Cameron? 1470 01:06:29,557 --> 01:06:33,928 Talk to Evan. I have to tell him the truth. 1471 01:06:33,962 --> 01:06:35,597 It's about doing the right thing. 1472 01:06:37,899 --> 01:06:39,801 You know what, Piper? 1473 01:06:39,834 --> 01:06:42,604 You might not be a bad mom after all. 1474 01:06:42,637 --> 01:06:45,372 You might not be a bad godmother after all. 1475 01:06:45,405 --> 01:06:47,441 You want me to be the godmother? 1476 01:06:47,474 --> 01:06:49,911 Of course. 1477 01:06:49,944 --> 01:06:52,145 You should be everyone's godmother -- truly. 1478 01:06:52,179 --> 01:06:54,582 Stop it. Piper, I love you. 1479 01:06:54,616 --> 01:06:57,484 I love you. 1480 01:06:57,519 --> 01:06:59,319 Like, a lot. 1481 01:07:01,623 --> 01:07:03,123 Oh, wow. 1482 01:07:03,156 --> 01:07:05,092 This looks like the Titanic. 1483 01:07:05,125 --> 01:07:06,761 Hey, hey, Piper, over here! 1484 01:07:06,794 --> 01:07:08,328 -Hi! -Hi. 1485 01:07:08,362 --> 01:07:09,296 -Hi. -Mm. 1486 01:07:09,329 --> 01:07:10,932 Okay, come on. This way. 1487 01:07:10,965 --> 01:07:12,466 Uh, I got us a table in a private room. 1488 01:07:12,499 --> 01:07:14,101 Oh, great. Um, it's good that we're in a private -- 1489 01:07:14,134 --> 01:07:15,803 Hey, where's Maya? 1490 01:07:15,837 --> 01:07:17,972 Um, that's actually part of what I need to talk to you about. 1491 01:07:18,006 --> 01:07:20,173 I told Maya not to come. 1492 01:07:20,207 --> 01:07:23,811 Oh, man. I can't believe she's gonna miss this. 1493 01:07:23,845 --> 01:07:25,312 Sorry. Miss what? 1494 01:07:25,345 --> 01:07:26,280 Miss this! 1495 01:07:26,313 --> 01:07:29,684 -Surprise! -Surprise! 1496 01:07:29,717 --> 01:07:31,920 Ah! 1497 01:07:35,623 --> 01:07:36,958 Yeah! A surpr-- 1498 01:07:36,991 --> 01:07:39,694 Oh, my. Everyone. 1499 01:07:39,727 --> 01:07:41,963 Hi. You're here. That's crazy. 1500 01:07:41,996 --> 01:07:43,965 -Hi. -Gorgeous. 1501 01:07:43,998 --> 01:07:46,601 -You're radiant. -Oh, thank you. 1502 01:07:46,634 --> 01:07:47,869 Oh, there it is. 1503 01:07:47,902 --> 01:07:50,939 Oh! Ah! 1504 01:07:50,972 --> 01:07:54,341 Oh. Ah! Aah! That's cool. 1505 01:07:54,374 --> 01:07:57,645 -Yeah. -You did that. 1506 01:07:57,679 --> 01:08:01,315 Hey, a surprise baby shower for the baby mama! 1507 01:08:03,718 --> 01:08:06,186 Wow. I -- 1508 01:08:06,219 --> 01:08:08,823 Just so much joy, you know, flooding through my veins. 1509 01:08:08,856 --> 01:08:11,391 So, go ahead and tell me. What did you want to talk about? 1510 01:08:11,425 --> 01:08:13,193 Oh, um, actually, can you give me a second? 1511 01:08:13,226 --> 01:08:14,796 I'm just gonna go make a quick call. 1512 01:08:14,829 --> 01:08:16,163 Okay. 1513 01:08:16,196 --> 01:08:19,232 He threw me a surprise baby shower. 1514 01:08:19,266 --> 01:08:21,134 Like, everyone I know is here. 1515 01:08:21,168 --> 01:08:24,572 His family, our friends. Even Jane Brantley is here. 1516 01:08:24,606 --> 01:08:25,974 Hold on a sec. 1517 01:08:26,007 --> 01:08:27,575 Why didn't he tell me about this? 1518 01:08:27,609 --> 01:08:29,911 Babe, you're a bit of a blabbermouth. 1519 01:08:29,944 --> 01:08:32,580 Maya, I need you here, right now. 1520 01:08:32,614 --> 01:08:36,584 Please, whatever you're doing, stop and make this a priority. 1521 01:08:36,618 --> 01:08:40,420 I need you to come here now, okay? Please? 1522 01:08:40,454 --> 01:08:42,222 Are you still gonna break up with him? 1523 01:08:42,255 --> 01:08:43,558 Yeah, I'm gonna break up with him in front of 1524 01:08:43,591 --> 01:08:46,094 everybody he knows. That's a real smart move. 1525 01:08:46,126 --> 01:08:47,762 Can you just get here? 1526 01:08:47,795 --> 01:08:51,365 'Cause I'm fucking flipping out. Fucking flipping out. 1527 01:08:51,398 --> 01:08:54,401 I'm sorry if my tone is intense, but I need you. 1528 01:08:54,434 --> 01:08:56,403 I just need you here 'cause I'm dying. I'm dying. 1529 01:08:56,436 --> 01:08:58,405 I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying. I need you. 1530 01:08:58,438 --> 01:08:59,941 I need you. I need you. Just get here. 1531 01:08:59,974 --> 01:09:01,375 Alright, I'll be there in five. 1532 01:09:01,408 --> 01:09:03,176 I love you. I'm obsessed with you. Bye. 1533 01:09:03,210 --> 01:09:05,680 Whoo-kay. 1534 01:09:05,713 --> 01:09:07,347 Uh... 1535 01:09:18,258 --> 01:09:21,529 -Oh. -It's the Pipester. 1536 01:09:21,562 --> 01:09:24,164 Cameron was right. This stuff is really good. 1537 01:09:29,269 --> 01:09:32,439 Hey, here she is now. Hey! There's my little lady. 1538 01:09:32,472 --> 01:09:34,609 -Hey. -It's so great to see you guys. 1539 01:09:34,642 --> 01:09:36,243 -Ah! -I'm actually going to read 1540 01:09:36,276 --> 01:09:37,712 your new draft tonight. 1541 01:09:37,745 --> 01:09:39,212 I've been traveling the last couple weeks. 1542 01:09:39,246 --> 01:09:41,082 Oh, I get it. No -- No worries. 1543 01:09:41,115 --> 01:09:43,283 I -- I -- I can't wait to hear your thoughts. 1544 01:09:43,316 --> 01:09:45,285 Yeah. Well, I will catch you two later. 1545 01:09:45,318 --> 01:09:46,721 There's some fancy-looking dumplings, 1546 01:09:46,754 --> 01:09:48,388 and they're not gonna eat themselves. 1547 01:09:48,422 --> 01:09:49,757 -Nom-nom-nom. -Hey, so what do you think? 1548 01:09:49,791 --> 01:09:51,291 Some surprise party, right? 1549 01:09:51,324 --> 01:09:53,326 Yeah, just a quick question. 1550 01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:56,798 Um, how did Evan Ebert make the guest list? 1551 01:09:56,831 --> 01:09:59,634 I -- I invited him. He's your friend, right? 1552 01:09:59,667 --> 01:10:02,003 Plus, I -- I kinda felt bad about freaking out 1553 01:10:02,036 --> 01:10:03,971 on him the other night. -Oh. 1554 01:10:04,005 --> 01:10:05,272 -Yeah. -Well, that's thoughtful. 1555 01:10:05,305 --> 01:10:07,274 Oh, hey, Maya's here. Okay. 1556 01:10:07,307 --> 01:10:09,110 Hey, hey, now that everybody's here, 1557 01:10:09,143 --> 01:10:11,512 I would like to say a toast, please. 1558 01:10:11,546 --> 01:10:14,782 Hi. Um, so come -- come on. Let's gather round. 1559 01:10:14,816 --> 01:10:16,784 Glasses up. 1560 01:10:16,818 --> 01:10:21,189 Well, first off, I want to thank you all so much for being here. 1561 01:10:21,221 --> 01:10:23,423 You know, it's amazing when we can all 1562 01:10:23,457 --> 01:10:26,527 come together -- friends, family -- 1563 01:10:26,561 --> 01:10:31,666 and celebrate what will be the birth of our first child. 1564 01:10:32,967 --> 01:10:36,336 You know, we all know that this is a surprise party for Piper, 1565 01:10:36,369 --> 01:10:38,172 but you know what? 1566 01:10:38,206 --> 01:10:39,574 Mm. 1567 01:10:39,607 --> 01:10:42,944 It's not the only surprise. 1568 01:10:42,977 --> 01:10:44,779 - Piper...? - Mm. 1569 01:10:44,812 --> 01:10:47,548 I know that the last few months have been a roller coaster, 1570 01:10:47,582 --> 01:10:51,185 to say the least, and we've had our ups and downs. 1571 01:10:51,219 --> 01:10:53,554 But, at the end of the day, 1572 01:10:53,588 --> 01:10:56,724 there's nobody I'd rather start a family with than you. 1573 01:10:56,758 --> 01:10:59,861 And I, uh -- I want to do what's right. 1574 01:11:02,395 --> 01:11:04,832 -Piper Brennan... -Oh, God. 1575 01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:09,604 ...will you marry me? 1576 01:11:12,673 --> 01:11:14,575 Yes. No. 1577 01:11:15,777 --> 01:11:17,745 Oh, God. 1578 01:11:19,412 --> 01:11:21,716 I'm sorry, I can't. 1579 01:11:21,749 --> 01:11:24,051 I can't do this. 1580 01:11:24,085 --> 01:11:27,420 When we went on our first date, 1581 01:11:27,454 --> 01:11:30,925 I was -- I was already three weeks pregnant. 1582 01:11:32,392 --> 01:11:33,694 I'm so sorry. 1583 01:11:36,296 --> 01:11:40,001 Um, I'm so sorry. So sorry. 1584 01:11:40,034 --> 01:11:44,105 I just wanted to do what was best for my kid. 1585 01:11:44,138 --> 01:11:47,742 Er, what I thought was best. 1586 01:11:47,775 --> 01:11:50,578 I didn't want the father of my baby 1587 01:11:50,611 --> 01:11:56,449 to be the father of my baby. 1588 01:11:56,483 --> 01:12:02,089 So, I went looking for a replacement dad. 1589 01:12:02,123 --> 01:12:04,759 Sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. Sick. 1590 01:12:04,792 --> 01:12:10,131 But then I found you, which was great, at first, 1591 01:12:10,164 --> 01:12:13,901 because you're you. 1592 01:12:13,935 --> 01:12:16,571 But the longer I kept lying, 1593 01:12:16,604 --> 01:12:20,274 the more I realized I don't want to be this person. 1594 01:12:20,308 --> 01:12:22,310 You don't deserve that. 1595 01:12:22,342 --> 01:12:23,878 My kid doesn't deserve that. 1596 01:12:23,911 --> 01:12:29,349 And, uh, the father of my kid doesn't deserve that. 1597 01:12:34,822 --> 01:12:37,792 Evan, that's you. 1598 01:12:42,163 --> 01:12:44,397 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 1599 01:12:44,431 --> 01:12:46,433 I'm so sorry. 1600 01:12:56,376 --> 01:12:57,745 This is getting ridiculous. 1601 01:12:57,778 --> 01:12:59,347 You've got to get your life back together. 1602 01:12:59,379 --> 01:13:01,782 What life? I can't write this book. 1603 01:13:01,816 --> 01:13:03,951 Cameron's mom is leaving me all of these, like, 1604 01:13:03,985 --> 01:13:05,853 really angry voicemails, 1605 01:13:05,887 --> 01:13:08,956 and I keep getting calls from Cameron's attorney. 1606 01:13:08,990 --> 01:13:12,360 To top it all off, I'm having a baby real soon, 1607 01:13:12,425 --> 01:13:14,095 and Evan won't even talk to me. 1608 01:13:14,128 --> 01:13:17,798 You're lying on the couch eating chocolate and covered in filth. 1609 01:13:17,832 --> 01:13:21,002 When was the last time you even showered? 1610 01:13:21,035 --> 01:13:22,270 Tuesday. 1611 01:13:22,303 --> 01:13:24,038 You did not shower yesterday. 1612 01:13:24,071 --> 01:13:25,673 Last Tuesday. 1613 01:13:25,706 --> 01:13:26,641 Seriously? 1614 01:13:26,674 --> 01:13:28,976 Oh, don't cry! 1615 01:13:30,511 --> 01:13:31,946 Evan lives right across the hall. 1616 01:13:31,979 --> 01:13:35,349 -Just go talk to him. -Oh, yeah. Just talk to Evan. 1617 01:13:35,383 --> 01:13:36,684 No big deal. 1618 01:13:36,717 --> 01:13:39,186 Look. Look what happens. 1619 01:13:39,220 --> 01:13:41,055 Come on. 1620 01:13:42,823 --> 01:13:45,559 Watch. 1621 01:13:45,593 --> 01:13:49,230 Evan. 1622 01:13:49,263 --> 01:13:51,299 I know you're in there. 1623 01:13:51,332 --> 01:13:57,004 Can we please talk? Please? 1624 01:13:57,038 --> 01:14:00,207 Evan! 1625 01:14:00,241 --> 01:14:04,011 Wow, I guess he really does want nothing to do with you. 1626 01:14:04,045 --> 01:14:06,080 I mean, I didn't think he was gonna forgive me easily. 1627 01:14:06,113 --> 01:14:10,017 I just -- I didn't think it was gonna be like this, you know? 1628 01:14:10,051 --> 01:14:11,686 I'm sorry. 1629 01:14:26,434 --> 01:14:29,036 Feels no fear like a twisting river. 1630 01:14:29,070 --> 01:14:31,172 You know, it's got to flow. 1631 01:14:45,286 --> 01:14:48,556 Thank you all so much for your support through the years. 1632 01:14:48,589 --> 01:14:51,192 It is a pleasure for me. Cheers to that. 1633 01:14:51,225 --> 01:14:52,927 -Cheers. -Cheers. 1634 01:14:54,729 --> 01:14:57,031 Huh? 1635 01:15:19,186 --> 01:15:20,855 Um, hi. 1636 01:15:20,888 --> 01:15:24,158 Uh, I'm looking for Deer in Headlights. 1637 01:15:24,191 --> 01:15:25,793 We're Deer in Headlights. 1638 01:15:25,826 --> 01:15:28,829 Oh, perfect. Um, do you know where Evan is? 1639 01:15:28,863 --> 01:15:31,132 Backstage, doing his pre-show rituals. 1640 01:15:44,445 --> 01:15:47,348 Hi. 1641 01:15:47,381 --> 01:15:49,116 Piper. 1642 01:15:49,150 --> 01:15:50,684 W-what are you doing here? 1643 01:15:50,718 --> 01:15:53,854 You always said you wanted me to see your band, so... 1644 01:15:53,888 --> 01:15:55,823 here I am. 1645 01:15:58,793 --> 01:16:02,763 And other -- other things that need to be discussed. 1646 01:16:02,797 --> 01:16:06,133 Um, it's okay. It -- Yeah. 1647 01:16:06,167 --> 01:16:09,503 I'll start. Uh... 1648 01:16:09,538 --> 01:16:11,939 Evan, I've changed. 1649 01:16:11,972 --> 01:16:16,477 Seriously. I -- I've been going to Lamaze class alone. 1650 01:16:16,511 --> 01:16:18,646 Kind of into it. 1651 01:16:18,679 --> 01:16:21,882 And, um, I can't bring myself to write this book. 1652 01:16:21,916 --> 01:16:23,884 But it's been a really good thing, 1653 01:16:23,918 --> 01:16:25,853 'cause I was writing a relationship book, 1654 01:16:25,886 --> 01:16:29,690 and I'm not qualified to give advice on relationships. 1655 01:16:29,723 --> 01:16:32,159 I fucking suck at them. Clearly. 1656 01:16:32,193 --> 01:16:36,864 So, I got this memoir goin'. 1657 01:16:36,897 --> 01:16:39,800 It's about, you know, my pregnancy and... 1658 01:16:39,834 --> 01:16:42,736 the mistakes I've made. 1659 01:16:42,770 --> 01:16:47,675 So, maybe you'd want to take a look at it. 1660 01:16:47,708 --> 01:16:51,879 Okay, um, could you maybe just look at me? 1661 01:16:51,912 --> 01:16:55,517 Piper, I'm happy for you. I -- I really am. 1662 01:16:55,550 --> 01:16:58,085 That doesn't change what you did. 1663 01:16:58,119 --> 01:17:00,421 This show is really big for me, so I'd really appreciate it 1664 01:17:00,454 --> 01:17:03,592 if you'd just -- just left me alone and quit bothering me. 1665 01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:05,392 Uh... 1666 01:17:07,228 --> 01:17:11,332 I'm bothering you? 1667 01:17:11,365 --> 01:17:16,070 I'm, like, pregnant as fuck with our child -- 1668 01:17:16,103 --> 01:17:18,272 Oh, so now you call it "our child"? 1669 01:17:18,305 --> 01:17:19,440 "Our child." 1670 01:17:19,473 --> 01:17:21,075 I would have gone my whole life 1671 01:17:21,108 --> 01:17:23,777 not knowing I had a kid because of you. 1672 01:17:23,811 --> 01:17:25,813 You know how much that hurts? 1673 01:17:31,886 --> 01:17:35,289 Yeah, I -- I messed up. 1674 01:17:35,322 --> 01:17:42,429 So, I'd love to at least apologize, if you'll hear it. 1675 01:17:46,333 --> 01:17:48,769 Fine. Go ahead. 1676 01:17:48,802 --> 01:17:53,374 Okay. Um... 1677 01:17:53,407 --> 01:17:57,612 God, I'm so sorry! 1678 01:17:57,646 --> 01:17:59,548 I don't know what I was thinking. 1679 01:17:59,581 --> 01:18:02,283 I'm a sociopath, maybe. I don't know. 1680 01:18:03,918 --> 01:18:08,222 I don't think I am, because sociopaths don't cry. 1681 01:18:08,255 --> 01:18:10,157 I've heard. Anyway... 1682 01:18:10,191 --> 01:18:13,160 I get if you don't want to talk to me, 1683 01:18:13,194 --> 01:18:14,728 or know me, but 1684 01:18:14,762 --> 01:18:16,931 it would be really great if you knew your kid. 1685 01:18:16,964 --> 01:18:19,833 I think they'd really like you. 1686 01:18:19,867 --> 01:18:24,171 'Cause I also like you just as you are. 1687 01:18:24,205 --> 01:18:26,740 That's from Bridget Jones's Diary! 1688 01:18:26,774 --> 01:18:29,944 I just rewatched it! 1689 01:18:32,713 --> 01:18:35,149 Okay. 1690 01:18:35,182 --> 01:18:38,285 Okay. 1691 01:18:38,319 --> 01:18:41,690 I am sorry. 1692 01:18:41,722 --> 01:18:44,959 Those are cool drums, by the way. 1693 01:18:44,992 --> 01:18:48,362 Have a good show. 1694 01:19:08,315 --> 01:19:12,286 Evan. Evan! Evan! 1695 01:19:12,319 --> 01:19:13,521 What are you doing? 1696 01:19:17,659 --> 01:19:21,028 Humming Dove. Humming Dove. 1697 01:19:28,102 --> 01:19:29,236 Hit it! 1698 01:20:49,350 --> 01:20:50,484 Yeah! 1699 01:20:55,356 --> 01:20:57,759 Thank you. 1700 01:20:57,792 --> 01:20:59,728 That's our new song. 1701 01:20:59,761 --> 01:21:01,995 It's called "Plan B." 1702 01:21:02,029 --> 01:21:06,233 Sometimes, the first plan doesn't always work out. 1703 01:21:06,266 --> 01:21:07,635 Hit it! 1704 01:21:07,669 --> 01:21:09,403 One, two, three, four! 1705 01:21:17,311 --> 01:21:19,781 Thank you guys for coming out tonight. 1706 01:21:19,814 --> 01:21:20,981 We're Deer in Headlights! 1707 01:21:24,786 --> 01:21:27,121 Evan, that was quite the performance. 1708 01:21:27,154 --> 01:21:30,391 Travis Boyer! Oh, that's incredible. 1709 01:21:30,424 --> 01:21:31,860 What are you -- What are you doing here? 1710 01:21:31,892 --> 01:21:34,061 Piper invited me. 1711 01:21:36,397 --> 01:21:38,999 Wait, wait. Don't forget to take my card. 1712 01:21:39,032 --> 01:21:41,468 Oh. Yes, uh, thank you. Thank you. 1713 01:21:41,502 --> 01:21:44,138 -Oh, my God. Thank you. -You guys were so good. 1714 01:21:44,171 --> 01:21:45,906 I -- Mm! 1715 01:21:47,207 --> 01:21:49,176 Mmm. 1716 01:21:54,047 --> 01:21:55,750 You're here, right now. 1717 01:21:55,784 --> 01:21:58,986 I mean, actually seeing you here and -- and inviting Travis? 1718 01:21:59,019 --> 01:22:02,356 I mean, man, that's awesome. 1719 01:22:02,389 --> 01:22:04,057 Oh, I'm so sorry. 1720 01:22:04,091 --> 01:22:06,293 I'm so sorry for ignoring you these -- 1721 01:22:06,326 --> 01:22:08,462 I don't know. I was really confused at first 1722 01:22:08,495 --> 01:22:11,733 'cause I-I-I -- I thought we used protection, you know? 1723 01:22:11,766 --> 01:22:13,400 We did, like, technically, yeah. 1724 01:22:13,434 --> 01:22:15,837 Then I-I-I went and checked all the condoms, 1725 01:22:15,870 --> 01:22:17,471 and they were like five years expired. 1726 01:22:17,504 --> 01:22:19,139 Old. Yeah. 1727 01:22:19,173 --> 01:22:21,408 That's -- that's my bad, but that's on me. 1728 01:22:21,442 --> 01:22:22,877 That's on me. 1729 01:22:22,911 --> 01:22:26,079 But, no, I -- I wanna be part of that. 1730 01:22:26,113 --> 01:22:32,821 I want -- I want our kid to be our kid. 1731 01:22:32,854 --> 01:22:35,189 Maybe we could give this a shot? 1732 01:22:35,222 --> 01:22:37,525 I say we give it a shot. 1733 01:22:37,559 --> 01:22:39,561 Mm, no. 1734 01:22:39,594 --> 01:22:41,596 No? Wh-- 1735 01:22:41,629 --> 01:22:43,598 Oh, no. 1736 01:22:43,631 --> 01:22:45,900 -Piper? -No, no, no. 1737 01:22:45,934 --> 01:22:50,605 There's a leak in my underwear. 1738 01:22:50,638 --> 01:22:52,272 -Oh. So -- -A wetness. 1739 01:22:52,306 --> 01:22:54,274 -Not in a hot way. -You need the bathroom? 1740 01:22:54,308 --> 01:22:56,845 No, this is disgusting. I think my water broke. 1741 01:22:56,878 --> 01:22:59,046 -Oh, my! Oh, n-- -So very damp. 1742 01:22:59,079 --> 01:23:01,114 Oh, uh, water. Yeah. Hospital. 1743 01:23:01,148 --> 01:23:02,617 -Hospital. We -- -Yeah, let's go. 1744 01:23:02,650 --> 01:23:03,785 -Right? Okay. -Okay. 1745 01:23:03,818 --> 01:23:05,085 Yeah. Okay. Everybody, move! 1746 01:23:05,118 --> 01:23:06,955 We're having a baby! 1747 01:23:06,987 --> 01:23:08,255 Fall out of my vagina onto the floor right now. 1748 01:23:08,288 --> 01:23:10,057 -Oh, I'm s-- I don't know. 1749 01:23:10,090 --> 01:23:11,793 -Breathing exercises. -Don't run into the doctor. 1750 01:23:11,826 --> 01:23:14,127 Hey, where's the baby delivery station? 1751 01:23:14,161 --> 01:23:15,830 -Hi. Hi. -Hi. 1752 01:23:15,864 --> 01:23:18,131 -You know where it is, okay. -I had them get the room ready. 1753 01:23:18,165 --> 01:23:19,433 Everything's okay. Alright. 1754 01:23:19,466 --> 01:23:21,068 -It's right his way. -Is it warm? 1755 01:23:21,101 --> 01:23:22,269 Yes, this is a state-of-the-art hospital. 1756 01:23:22,302 --> 01:23:23,872 -You're hot? -A little bit. 1757 01:23:23,905 --> 01:23:25,272 -I mean, I'm fine. -Alright, so just -- 1758 01:23:25,305 --> 01:23:26,641 Can I get rid of the blanket? 1759 01:23:26,674 --> 01:23:28,108 Breathe, breathe. 1760 01:23:28,141 --> 01:23:29,577 What we talked about when were in there. 1761 01:23:29,611 --> 01:23:34,248 Just breathe in, breathe out until the baby's en route. 1762 01:23:34,281 --> 01:23:35,984 You're doing great. You're doing great. 1763 01:23:36,016 --> 01:23:38,318 Now is not the time to rhyme. 1764 01:23:38,352 --> 01:23:40,153 Breathe. Everything's looking really good. 1765 01:23:40,187 --> 01:23:42,456 We're getting really close, okay? 1766 01:23:42,489 --> 01:23:44,191 Okay, give me the ice. Yeah, ice chips. 1767 01:23:44,224 --> 01:23:47,461 -Mm. -Okay, Doc. 1768 01:23:47,494 --> 01:23:49,664 -Doc, I think we're ready. -Oh! 1769 01:23:49,697 --> 01:23:50,999 I'm not -- I'm not hot! 1770 01:23:51,031 --> 01:23:52,800 Piper, are you ready to have a baby? 1771 01:23:55,102 --> 01:23:56,336 Okay. Alright. 1772 01:23:56,370 --> 01:23:58,138 Humming Dove. Humming Dove. 1773 01:24:01,509 --> 01:24:03,110 Push on three, okay? 1774 01:24:03,143 --> 01:24:06,014 -You good? -One, two...three! 1775 01:24:06,046 --> 01:24:07,682 Push, push! You can do it! Push! 1776 01:24:07,715 --> 01:24:11,819 I'm shitting and it burns! I'm shitting and it burns! 1777 01:24:11,853 --> 01:24:13,521 It happens! Come on. 1778 01:24:13,555 --> 01:24:15,289 I'm gonna need another push on three, okay? 1779 01:24:15,322 --> 01:24:16,591 One more time, okay, Piper? 1780 01:24:16,624 --> 01:24:18,125 -No, no, no, no, no. -You can do it. 1781 01:24:18,158 --> 01:24:19,326 Yes, you can. Yes, you can, okay? 1782 01:24:19,359 --> 01:24:20,662 We're doing it. I'm so tired. 1783 01:24:20,695 --> 01:24:22,964 One, two, three. 1784 01:24:22,997 --> 01:24:25,033 Push! Push! 1785 01:24:25,065 --> 01:24:26,768 [Evan÷} Are you feeling it right now? 1786 01:24:26,801 --> 01:24:28,168 -Ow, ow, ow! Okay. -Push! 1787 01:24:28,201 --> 01:24:31,204 Come on! Yes! Oh, I'm seeing hair. 1788 01:24:31,238 --> 01:24:32,974 -You're seeing -- -No, don't look! 1789 01:24:33,007 --> 01:24:34,274 Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1790 01:24:34,308 --> 01:24:36,044 Get back out if you're not a doctor. 1791 01:24:36,076 --> 01:24:38,713 -It called to me, alright? -You're not a doctor! 1792 01:24:38,746 --> 01:24:40,815 -I know. -Aah! 1793 01:24:42,349 --> 01:24:43,985 -One, two... -Are we pushing? 1794 01:24:44,018 --> 01:24:46,054 -Are we pushing right now? -Three. Push! 1795 01:24:46,086 --> 01:24:47,622 -Oh! -You got one more in you. 1796 01:24:47,655 --> 01:24:48,890 -Ready? -Okay? 1797 01:24:48,923 --> 01:24:51,893 One, two, three. 1798 01:24:51,926 --> 01:24:53,561 Push! 1799 01:24:56,898 --> 01:24:58,465 It's a girl. 1800 01:24:58,498 --> 01:24:59,734 Ha! It's a girl! 1801 01:25:02,235 --> 01:25:04,137 You did it. You did it. 1802 01:25:04,171 --> 01:25:06,908 It's over. It's over. You did it. 1803 01:25:06,941 --> 01:25:08,876 -Oh, my God. -We did it. 1804 01:25:08,910 --> 01:25:10,912 - It was mostly you. - Okay. 1805 01:25:10,945 --> 01:25:12,981 You did so good. 1806 01:25:13,014 --> 01:25:15,817 You're a lucky man, Mr. Brennan. 1807 01:25:15,850 --> 01:25:17,250 I -- I'm -- I'm Mr. Ebert. I'm -- 1808 01:25:17,284 --> 01:25:18,753 Well, we're -- we're not together. 1809 01:25:18,786 --> 01:25:21,121 No, we are. 1810 01:25:30,430 --> 01:25:31,933 -Yeah. -Are you chilly? 1811 01:25:31,966 --> 01:25:33,433 Oh, right. Uh... 1812 01:25:33,467 --> 01:25:37,839 Here. Here. I made this for her. 1813 01:25:37,872 --> 01:25:40,775 There you go. There you go. 1814 01:25:40,808 --> 01:25:42,510 -You made that? -Like that? 1815 01:25:42,543 --> 01:25:46,413 Yeah, well, I -- when I found out she was mine, 1816 01:25:46,446 --> 01:25:48,883 I -- I got right to work. 1817 01:25:52,620 --> 01:25:57,859 That is really sweet. 1818 01:25:57,892 --> 01:25:59,259 What should we name her? 1819 01:25:59,292 --> 01:26:01,261 The top of the list was Thom Yorke. 1820 01:26:01,294 --> 01:26:02,396 I mean, I like Thom Yorke, but -- 1821 01:26:02,429 --> 01:26:03,898 Maybe Yorke? No? 1822 01:26:03,931 --> 01:26:06,233 What about Myrtle? 1823 01:26:06,266 --> 01:26:08,036 I love -- I love old-fashioned names. 1824 01:26:08,069 --> 01:26:09,469 Okay, keep going, keep going. 1825 01:26:09,503 --> 01:26:12,205 Cleopatra? Is that too much? 1826 01:26:12,239 --> 01:26:14,274 Maybe Cleo. Maybe we shorten it to Cleo. 1827 01:26:14,307 --> 01:26:16,443 That's just fresh. 1828 01:26:16,476 --> 01:26:19,212 How do we -- Oh, I see -- Pat. 1829 01:26:19,246 --> 01:26:22,083 for Cleopatra. That's okay. 134005