Original subtitles

[indistinct chatters]

- Morning, Floyd. - Welcome back, Ms. Van Owen.

It's nice to be back.

[knock knock]

Gracie, come on in.

You want to see me, Bruce?

Welcome back to day court, Gracie.

Thanks, Richard.

We were just talking about you.

Bruce: I want you to take over one of Dick's cases.

Fine.

Armed robbery, $100,000 theft.

Why can't you do it?

Uh, personal reasons.

Now, I've already impaneled the jury,

so it's all set to go.

[stifle laughs]

- Am I missing something? - Not a thing.

Bruce: It's a bit unusual what this guy stole,

but we figured if it's up anybody's alley,

it would have to be yours.

Richard: Because you're the only lawyer here

who can do it with a straight face.

You see, that's one of the benefits

of having no sense of humor.

[both laugh]

What's the matter with you two?

What could be so hilarious about $100,000 theft?

Bull semen? [both laughs]

Yeah, the guy knocked over a sperm bank.

Richard: 15 grand a pint.

Go get 'em, Gracie.

Bull semen?

[theme music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Douglas: Rona versus Gradinger.

Settling.

Richardson Estates.

Yeah, we're getting some movement on that actually.

I think the widow is inclined to settle.

Benora versus Cromwell Aircraft.

Status quo.

Douglas: A new matter, Glasband vs. Glasband.

A referral from Harley Hunt.

My client's husband did Harley's last facelift.

Douglas: Which brings us to Brophy

versus Valley Distributors, Inc.

Yeah, the trial starts tomorrow.

Family's coming in this morning for final prep.

Have there been any last minute offers or...

75,000 on the wrongful death claim for the little boy.

Leland: You decline?

I told them it would take 200,000

to settle it out of court.

Why is it you lose an eye, you get a million-dollar verdict?

You lose your life, and it's only worth a fraction of that.

This lawyer I know advises his clients,

if you run somebody over, back up and finish off the job.

Compared to maiming, wrongful death's a bargain.

What about the emotional distress

claim for the boy's sister?

Well, they offered 10,000. I'm looking for 100.

So you get almost as much for witnessing a death

as you do for the death itself.

Well, her kid brother died right before her eyes.

Victor: She has to live with that for the rest of her life.

And they think the tax code doesn't make sense.

Douglas: If you don't mind, people, as we appear to be

finished with the business at hand, I suggest we adjourn.

What are you doing for lunch?

Do you have any plans Friday night?

I've got a date. Why?

I've gotta go to my cousin's wedding.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's okay. I'll figure something else out.

Mrs. Glasband: I just want this over with.

I'll sign anything he wants.

I just desperately need to get away somewhere.

Arnie: Mrs. Glasband,

your husband is a big-time plastic surgeon.

He's gotta be making close to a million a year.

This proposed agreement shows 35,000 in the bank.

Arnie: It doesn't pass the smell test.

Look, he's a decent man.

Mrs. Glasband: He would never cheat me.

Please, I don't have the strength

to make a fight out of this.

Which is why you hire a lawyer who does.

And my suggestion,

professionally as well as personally,

we sniff his tracks for a few days,

just if for no other reason, to confirm his decency.

You don't understand.

This divorce is all my fault, my failure.

My psychiatrist says I need to get it behind me.

I don't want to tread on your doctor's territory,

but my experience, in the long run,

Arnie: you'll feel better if you don't run away from your--

No, I can't stand another night in that house.

Mrs. Glasband: I hear noises and I'm scared.

You're alone for the first time in your life.

Arnie: It's perfectly natural to feel frightened.

You don't know how I feel.

Carolyn... May I call you Carolyn?

Let me just check some things out

so at least we're confident

that our decision is an informed one.

I-- I-- I don't know.

Can you just humor an overprotective attorney

for a few days?

I'm sorry.

I know that I'm not making much sense,

but it's just that...

I-- I'm afraid to stay home alone.

I'm afraid to go out.

I'm a mess, and I'm...

I know that you're vulnerable.

I just don't want you victimized

by one short period of insecurity.

Now, I've asked for a meeting for Friday.

Can you give me just till then to review all this?

Okay.

- Yeah. - Good.

Rox, let's confirm the Glasband meeting for Friday.

Is 11:00 alright with you, Mrs. Glasband?

Good-bye.

And whenever you're in that courtroom,

I want you sitting side by side.

You'll take each other's hand from

time to time to lend support.

Victor: Every time the jury shoots a glance at you,

I want them to see a close loving family.

The kids have to be there all the time?

Yes. They remind the jury that it wasn't just your son

who was killed in that accident.

It was also their little brother.

I don't mean to sound cynical, and I wouldn't be stressing this

if we didn't have to be our best in our court tomorrow.

Now, when I introduce the pictures of the accident

and of Anthony, I don't want anybody looking at them.

Victor: You look straight down.

They're too painful to view.

We've seen them 100 times, Mr. Sifuentes.

Man 1: I think we can take it.

I don't want the jury to see that you can take it.

These shots will make them squeamish.

Victor: The last thing I want is you people looking stoic.

When they look at you, I want them to see hurt,

which brings me to your testimony, Patty.

Now, in your deposition, you were the brave little soldier

with a lot of one word answers,

but tomorrow, you've gotta let it come out.

Victor: I want you to take your time

and describe everything you saw, everything you felt.

Okay? As much detail as possible.

Is this really necessary?

Well, the emotional distress claim won't be worth much

unless she gets up there on the stand

and describes the horror.

You've got to tell them how he suffered,

how you saw him suffer, and what it did to you.

You've gotta make that jury feel like

they were right there in the car with you.

Victor: You think you can do that?

I don't know.

- You gotta try. - Mr. Sifuentes.

I know this is hard.

Believe me, I do.

But what you've gotta keep remembering is that

Victor: they won't compensate you for pain they can't see.

If we don't reenact that horror

and unearth some of that grief...

Nothing is going to compensate us

for the loss of our little boy.

I know that, ma'am, but you've come this far.

Victor: We'll be okay.

Can you excuse us for a second?

Certainly.

I'll take her back to my office and go over her testimony.

No. I don't want you to.

Victor, she's gonna be a mess on that stand tomorrow.

Which is exactly the way we want her.

I need her pain spilling out on everyone in that courtroom.

The bigger the mess, the bigger the judgment.

[sighs]

Now, Professor L'Hommedieu,

could you please describe for the court

the manner in which the sperm samples are collected?

Well, the first of the two methods is electro-ejaculation,

L'Hommedieu: however, that's rather an aversive

experience for the animal.

And the far more common technique is to...

Objection to the question, Your Honor,

and I renew my objection as to the admissibility

Dick: of Professor L'Hommedieu's testimony in general.

What's at issue here is whether my clients stole it

and how much it was worth.

The manner in which the bull expresses himself

is of no relevance whatsoever.

Tell that to the bull.

Your Honor, it's imperative that the jury understand

the intricate process involved here.

Come on. We all know how it works.

It's not that simple, Judge.

They don't just send the bull behind a hayloft

with a magazine and a baggie.

Ms. Van Owen.

It is a protracted and expensive process, Your Honor,

one which the dairy industry takes very seriously.

Look, I'll let him briefly describe it, but keep it short.

Thank you, Your Honor.

- Please continue, Professor. L'Hommedieu: Certainly.

The bull is led from the pen into a collection area.

If he's an experienced animal, he knows what's coming,

L'Hommedieu: so he's already in a state of excitation.

What happens next?

By this time, the technician has tethered a stimulus.

I should add that most of the time

a male stimulus is used

to prevent accidental intermission.

You mean the bull will engage with another male?

A sexually naïve animal, no,

but a mature bull will mount almost anything.

Ms. Van Owen.

We're almost finished, Your Honor.

After the bull mounts,

the animal technician takes hold of his...

Can I say the P-word?

Just continue.

He takes hold of the member

and inserts it into an artificial...

Can I say the V-word?

Counsel, in my chambers right now.

[all laugh]

- Why don't you call Peter? - I tried him.

Can you believe he has a girlfriend?

To tell you the truth, my feelings are a little hurt.

Well, you can't blame him.

You didn't give him much encouragement.

Since when do men need encouragement?

Whatever happened to ardent pursuit?

You could go by yourself, you know.

Oh, to my cousin's wedding?

Do you have any idea how many of my aunts

and uncles are gonna be there?

They're all gonna be whispering about my divorce,

feeling sorry for me, and trying to fix me up.

Ann?

- How'd you do? - No luck.

You didn't tell these people my whole life story, did you?

No. I just said, you know, you were a colleague of mine.

You were in a tight spot.

Not-- not one nibble?

Uh-uh, and I asked everybody.

Mike Rutenberg's got Laker tickets that night,

but maybe he'd like to meet you, you know, like, later in life.

Stuart: And Marty Schreiber just got married.

You believe that? Unbelievable.

And Danny Glovis thanked me profusely,

but he's taken a vow of chastity.

- Oh. Stuart: Don't ask.

What are you telling these people?

I don't want to go to bed with them.

I just want someone to take me to a wedding.

That's all I said.

Oh, I give up.

It's all over for me anyway.

I'm 26 years old. I'm terminally divorced.

On June 20, 1983,

Patricia Brophy got in her car

to drive her 11-year-old brother Anthony to baseball practice.

They never got there.

Victor: A truck driver who had dozed off at the wheel

ran through a red light

and smashed his six-ton vehicle into Patty's car,

knocking it through a fence on the other side of the road.

When the police and firemen arrived,

they had to use the Jaws of Life...

to pull Patty free of the wreckage

and rush her to the hospital.

But her little brother was not as lucky.

Victor: Anthony Brophy's life ended in that car crash

while his family's nightmare was just beginning.

Well, those are the facts in this case,

and except for one small area of disagreement,

they're indisputable.

The only issue is how we,

all of us good, compassionate people,

assess a dollar value on the loss of a child's life.

I know to many of you, the very idea of this sounds offensive.

It cheapens life to say that the loss of an 11-year-old boy

is worth a quarter of a million dollars

or half a million dollars, even $100 million.

Victor: The life of Anthony Brophy...

and the loss that this family has suffered

cannot be measured monetarily.

But, sadly, money is the only source of redress

available to this family under the law.

Victor: Now, the Brophys have entrusted their case to me...

but when Mr. Pass and I and all the other witness

that you'll be hearing from are through,

the hardest work of all will fall on you

Victor: as you decide how to compensate this family

for what was so cruelly taken away from them.

I know that you will live up to that responsibility.

Thank you.

I show you this vial, Mr. Lavanchy,

and I ask if you can identify it.

It contains the seed of my prize bull,

Champion Black Barney.

See the initials B.B.?

Now, by seed, you mean semen.

Yes, ma'am.

Grace: Mr. Lavanchy, if you recall,

how much of Champion Black Barney's seed

was stored in the Los Angeles County Veterinary Center?

50 straws, over 500 CCs.

Grace: And can you state for us the value of those 50 straws?

- Objection. - He knows the market value.

He can answer.

Barney's sperm,

and I apologize for the graphic language,

Lavanchy: sold for over $2,000 a straw.

That man stole over $100,000 from me.

Objection.

Sustained.

The jury will disregard that last characterization.

How much more of Barney's sperm

do you currently have in your possession, Mr. Lavanchy?

All of it gone but what you see.

It's the last of my Barney, my champion.

Why is that?

Well, he ran out of gas about 18 months ago.

Lavanchy: Only shoots blanks now.

I'd like to try to start a whole new herd

with the few drops of him I've got left.

Don't you have other bulls, Mr. Lavanchy?

Oh, not like him.

A cattle rancher gets a bull like Champion Black Barney

once in a lifetime, if ever.

Lavanchy: A good share of my business is mortgaged to the

profits I'd make from his heritage,

and now all that's gone.

No more questions.

No cross.

You may step down.

[gasp]

[dramatic music]

Victor: So you're saying, Doctor, that it's possible

for the boy to have survived

for a few minutes after impact, correct?

That's absolutely correct.

Thank you, Doctor. Your witness.

Dr. Christie, given the nature of the crash

and the severity of the boy's injuries,

isn't is likely that he died instantly?

It's likely, but it's not definite.

And it's not probable that

he was ever conscious after impact, is it?

Not probable.

Thank you, sir. That's all.

You can step down, Dr. Christie.

Your Honor, the plaintiff calls Patricia Brophy to the stand.

It's okay.

Victor: I call your attention, Patty,

to the afternoon of June 20, 1983,

and I ask you what, if anything, unusual occurred on that date.

I was driving my little brother Anthony

to baseball practice,

and there was an accident.

Patty, I want you to take your time now...

and tell the jury exactly what happened

from the moment you got in the car.

Patty: I had just left home.

I was about a mile or so from my house,

and I came to the intersection...

of Rod Road and Kennedy Drive.

And then the light was green, so I kept...

I proceeded.

Patty: And then, from the left,

this truck came at us, straight at us.

I hit my brakes, but it came too fast

and it knocked us off the road and into the fence.

Do you remember what happened next?

There was blood... from my head.

I remember reaching up and touching my forehead.

There was blood coming down the side,

and I kept thinking that this really didn't happen.

Then I... Then I looked over at Anthony.

He...

What did you see, Patty?

[sobbing] He was looking at me.

One of the pickets from the fence...

[sobs]

was sticking through his shoulder.

Patty: He tried...

What did he do, Patty?

He tried to reach me.

He... he just looked at me.

[somber music]

He couldn't move his arms,

but, um... but he was wiggling his fingers...

[sobbing]

Patty: like he was trying to reach me.

Oh, he was so scared. [sobbing]

He was so scared.

And then he-- he said...

[music continues]

What did he say, Patty?

[crying]

He said, [cries] don't tell Daddy.

[sobbing]

[crying]

[instrumental music]

Can I get you some coffee or some tea?

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

Arnie, this is, uh...

I appreciate your taking the time

to meet with me, Mr. Becker.

- Call me Arnie. - Only after hours.

So what can I do for you, Ms. Quintana?

Well, as I explained in my note,

I've recently left the L.A.P.D.

Do you mind if I ask why?

Among my other skills, Mr. Becker,

I'm a licensed pilot, a third-degree black belt,

Quintana: I can bench press 200 pounds,

I've climbed mountains, raced motorcycles and quarter horses.

So let's just say pushing a pencil down at Parker Center

wasn't my idea of life in the fast lane.

So now you've set up your own P.I. agency.

And I'm trying to build a select clientele.

Well, your background is very interesting,

and you certainly look like a very healthy specimen.

But the truth is I already have several investigators

who are more than adequate to my needs.

Well, with all due regard to those other individuals...

And I do know and respect most of them...

I'm better.

Really?

Really.

O-- okay. Let me ask you this, hypothetically, of course.

Let's say I have a client who's married to a successful

physician, leaves her, files for divorce, and cries poverty.

What are you going to do for me between now and Friday

that my other investigators can't?

Well, judging from the little that you're telling me,

he's either stolen it, gambled it away,

put it up his nose, or found another woman,

or all of the above.

What kind of doctor?

Plastic surgeon.

I guess it's another woman.

And since most doctors are too busy

and too cheap for a hotel...

Quintana: Office in Century City?

Mm-hmm.

They're probably doing it in his office.

I'll get you a videotape.

The people I already have on this case

tell me that's impossible.

Shouldn't be,

not for somebody with professional expertise

and long lens video surveillance

and a nice working relationship

with a Century City window washing service.

I don't know.

No disrespect intended, Ms. Quintana, but I find it

a little hard to believe everything you say.

Like what?

Bench press 200 pounds?

That's gotta be nearly twice your body weight.

If I can take you down...

Quintana: will you give me this divorce case of yours?

What do I get if I win?

Anything you want.

Victor? Vic?

Do you mind waiting for me in the witness room?

200 for the boy, 150 for the girl,

and let's get the hell out of here.

Come on, Victor.

She's getting a buck and a half for a scratch,

and he lived a few seconds at most.

That's the best I can do.

I went to the mat for it.

Alright. Let me talk to them, Harry.

I'll tell the judge you want to trail to tomorrow.

They have just upped their offer to 350.

350,000?

Take it. Settle.

What do you think?

It's an acceptable offer.

Man 2: But you think we can do better?

My God, do you think any amount of

money will make things better?

Woman 1: What are we supposed to do with it,

buy a swimming pool, go to Europe?

Man 2: You think I give a damn about the money?

I am pushing this so at least

something good comes out of this mess.

You're pushing this because you're afraid

to put Anthony's death behind us.

I don't think this is the time or the place...

Woman 1: To hell with the trial.

Take whatever they're offering,

and let's get on with our life.

What life? I lost my son.

He was my son, too.

If you hadn't been too damn lazy to drive him yourself,

Man 2: he'd probably still be alive.

Woman 1: You think if I'd been behind the wheel,

it would have been any different?

It was a senseless, meaningless accident,

and you have taken it out on me...

with your coldness, your looks,

your accusations, your silence,

like it was some sort of conspiracy

to rob you of your son.

Well, it wasn't. It was an accident.

And maybe if you could have forgiven then,

this family could have gotten past it.

Man 2: How can I ever forgive?

Somebody has to pay.

We are all paying, you bastard.

Don't you swear at your father.

Mother, I am 20 years old going on 16.

Patty: I don't have a life.

You should have been helping me,

and instead, you've been punishing me

for something that is not my fault.

Be quiet right now.

No, I will not be quiet.

We have been quiet too long.

I am the one who goes to bed at night and sees him,

Patty: sees the blood on him, sees him pinned to the car seat.

And I can't come to breakfast in the morning unless I'm smiling?

I am sorry I killed him, okay? [somber music]

I wish it was me instead, alright?

Patty: I'm sorry, Daddy.

[crying]

I'm sorry.

[crying] I'm sorry.

None of the stolen merchandise

has been directly connected to my client,

with the exception of the one vial

that was found in an apartment

shared by my client with three other roommates.

None of the stolen samples

can be linked to Mr. Bower in any way,

and I would respectfully request this jury

to return a verdict,

the only verdict consistent with that fact,

and that's not guilty.

Thank you.

When I was 22 years old, I got called for jury duty,

and I remember being so excited about it.

I thought maybe it would be a bank robbery

or one of those socialite murders

or even a government scandal.

Grace: Turned out to be a grocery clerk

who assaulted a checkout girl with a cantaloupe. [all laugh]

I felt kind of cheated.

And now I look at you.

I mean, you come down here.

You get the big speech about civil duty,

your obligation to uphold the law and serve your community,

and all you get for your trouble is bull semen.

[jurors chuckle]

And everybody here, including me,

has given birth to at least one smirk since this thing began.

But believe it or not,

I was glad to see you people laugh from time to time.

It was Mark Twain who said

show me a person who knows what's funny...

and I'll show you somebody who knows what's not.

And it's funny to think

that the product of an animal's sexual expression

could be the object of a criminal trial.

It's probably even funny to think

that people make careers

out of freezing little test tubes of a bull's heritage.

But what's not funny is that the defendant

Grace: broke into a building in the middle of the night,

bound and gagged a night watchmen at gunpoint,

and stole property valued at over $100,000.

What's not funny is that the defendant

deprived Mr. Lavanchy and his family...

of everything they worked so hard to accomplish.

What's not funny is that a very real crime was committed here

with a very real victim.

You've got an eyewitness

who saw the defendant leave the building.

You have a positive identification

from the night watchmen.

A vial of the semen was found in his house.

Now, I don't expect you to ignore your sense of humor.

Nor do I expect you to let it hinder...

your ability to do what's right here.

So go ahead and giggle your way to justice

if you are so inclined,

just as long as you get there.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

It's been 64 minutes. Excuse me.

A case like this, if they're not back with guilty

in the first hour, it's a hung jury.

Yeah. 10 bucks says you were so eloquent

that the only thing they're arguing

is whether they can give the guy life.

Kuzak: I'll collect after my basketball game.

Victor?

I'm pretty whipped and I gotta get up early in the morning.

They'll want to cross-examine Patty, won't they?

Yeah, probably a whole day of it.

Victor: So I think I'm gonna head home.

No way. You need this.

Hey, a little half court,

Kuzak: tripping, gouging, flying elbows.

This will relax you, Victor.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Ladies.

- Good night. Abby: Good night, Victor.

Good night.

Call me if your jury comes in.

Thanks.

Oh, I hate to lose.

Who doesn't?

Grace: Oh, but this one,

this had to be the silliest trial I've ever had.

People's Exhibit E,

a full-size photo of Barney in all his tumescent glory.

[all laugh]

Okay, I'm a city girl.

Are we talking bigger than a breadbox?

Oh, well, I'll say that if I were a cow,

I wouldn't be wasting my time hanging around the salt lick.

[all laugh]

Well, too bad he's out of commission.

I could have asked him out for Friday night.

What?

Cousin's wedding, your basic suitable escort drama.

Now, what I don't understand is that

there used to be single men in this town.

Now, you two got the last two good ones,

Abby: and there aren't any left.

Oh, come on.

There are plenty of guys out there.

Really? You want to tell me again

what it was like before Stuart?

Oh, God, what if she's right?

That is ridiculous.

I mean, what about Victor?

- He's, um... - Yes, he is.

Mm-hmm.

I already asked him, and he said no.

He didn't say no. He said he was busy.

Well, what do you say when you

don't want to go out with someone?

You say I'm busy.

Or when I'm busy I say I'm busy.

You see, a genuine, certified, great single man

just walked into this bar.

No, no, no, no. What are you doing?

I won't be obvious, I promise.

[chuckles]

This is so embarrassing.

Don't be silly.

Now, it's hard to get back into circulation.

Would you stop? [laughs]

Abby, I want you to meet an old friend of mine.

Abigail Perkins, meet George Handeman.

Oh, boy.

What?

I've already had the pleasure.

Oh. Well, I started to tell George

that you have a wedding to go on...

I don't think he'd be interested.

Sure, that'd be fine.

Hey, Grace, your jury's coming in.

Great. Well... have a good time.

So how about them Lakers?

Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?

We have.

In the matter of the People versus

Leonard Bower, how say you?

On counts one and two of criminal complaint number 4276,

Woman 2: we, the jury, find the defendant Leonard Bower, guilty.

Judge: Sentencing to take place two weeks from today.

I once again thank you, members of the jury,

and this court is adjourned.

Good luck, Mr. Lavanchy.

Man 3: Ms. Van Owen?

Are you pleased with the jury's decision, Ms. Van Owen?

It's a great victory.

Are the bulls of America going to sleep

better tonight because of this verdict?

At least their owners will, as well as all citizens

concerned with the enforcement of justice

sure, swift, and certain in this country.

Are you saying that this case has national significance?

I'd say it's seminal.

[all laugh]

Hello, Victor, Abby.

Good morning.

Where's Patty?

Well, we've talked it over.

If it's still on the table, we'd like to

accept their offer and settle the case.

I'm sure the offer's still good,

but before I talk to them, are you sure?

We've spent a long night with it.

Yes, we're sure.

Look, folks,

I've been thinking a lot about this, too,

and I hope the way that I've conducted this case

Victor: isn't forcing you into a decision

that you're going to regret later on.

It won't.

What you forced us to do

was to take a long hard look at ourselves.

Yesterday, last night,

was the first time since Anthony was killed

that we actually talked to each other.

The truth is, Victor,

we owe you more than you'll ever know.

Morning, people.

Why don't you two go grab a quick cup of coffee.

Let me do my thing with the opposing counsel,

and maybe we can all put this one behind us.

Do I sense here a meeting of the minds?

[phone rings]

She's here.

Sorry I'm late. I got held up.

How you doing?

Awful. I just want to get this over with.

Mrs. Glasband: Why aren't they here?

I pushed the meeting back a half an hour.

I thought you might want to know

what I found out before I spring it on your husband.

- What are you talking about? - He's buried assets.

He's raped your joint accounts.

No, I didn't authorize this.

You did. I told you what I was gonna do.

No, no, no. I don't want to know about it.

Well, alright, Carolyn.

If you want to go into this meeting and accept

the crumbs off your husband's table,

that's totally your decision.

Arnie: But I would be remiss if I didn't advise you

of the fact that he has systematically,

and with obvious forethought, lied to you, stolen from you...

Stop it. I don't want to hear about it.

- Cheated on you. - Why are you doing this to me?

I'm not doing it to you, Carolyn.

- Your husband is. - Fine.

If he wants the money, he can have it.

I just want to have this over with.

If it were only the money, that would be one thing.

But it's not.

What is that?

Your husband is involved with another woman.

Arnie: That's where the money's gone, Carolyn, building up

hidden accounts so he can dump you and go off with her.

You're lying, trying to turn me against a man

who has never done anything to hurt me.

Unfortunately, this videotape doesn't lie.

Then show it to me.

- It'll hurt you. - I want to see it.

- I'd advise against it. - Damn it, you work for me.

Oh, my God, no.

Sleazy, disgusting, lying piece of dirt.

- Carolyn. - You slept with my sister!

Hey, what have you been telling her?

My own sister. How could you do that to me?

- I'll kill the both of you. Arnie: Sit down.

I'll kill her. I will kill that little bitch.

I will kill the both of you.

I don't know what you're talking about.

She's talking about this tape of you and your lover

Arnie: in your office engaged in an X-rated game of doctor.

Whether he and the lady formed an emotional attachment

is of no relevance to this proceeding.

If he's capable of deceiving her on this scale,

we believe he'd deceive her about anything.

You scum. You monster.

Look, we came down here to sign an agreement.

Not this one, sir. This is trash.

How could you do that to me after the family weekends

that we spent together in Palm Springs?

Oh, for God's sake, Carolyn.

What do you want from me?

Dr. Glasband: I work like a mule.

If I take what little consolation life has to offer me

in the arms of a woman who isn't afraid of her own shadow,

a woman who isn't afraid to express a little...

That's not another woman, that's my sister!

Oh, the two of you must have had fun laughing at me.

What, did you do it in our house, in our bed?

How could I, Carolyn? You were never out of it.

Oh, you malignant bastard.

I hate you.

[gunshot] Carolyn, no!

She shot me!

D.A. George: Damn it, I'm a lawyer and she shot me.

Somebody get me a doctor, please.

She shot me. Aah!

[soft music]

[indistinct chatter]

Look, let me talk to him.

I'll make sure he gets down to the station, alright?

Officer: Okay.

- How is he? - He'll survive.

It missed the main artery.

[music continues]

They want you to go to the police station

and make a statement.

I think you better tell me exactly what happened.

It's my fault. That's what happened.

It's all my fault.

You can say that one more time,

and then it's the last time I ever want to

hear that come out of your mouth.

I should have picked it up the minute she walked in here, Mike.

She was a basket case.

- They all are during a divorce. - No, this was different.

I mean, there were signs all over the place,

but all I could see was the damn settlement

that her husband was trying to gaslight her into.

Which is why she came to you in the first place.

The husband is doing the sister,

and I put the damn picture right on the TV set for her.

Porno movies.

Did you force her to watch?

No. No, she wanted to do it, but I shouldn't have let her.

She was under a psychiatrist's care.

How many distraught wives

have you represented in your career...

Yeah, okay, I know, I know, I know, I know.

You didn't do anything illegal here, Arnie.

Oh, great. Great.

So I don't go to jail for the next five years,

but I still gotta live with myself.

You can't be responsible for the one client in hundreds

who comes in here and goes off the deep end.

Here, here, put your coat on.

I'll drive you to the station.

Abby: Here's the number of the restaurant

where we'll be after the ceremony.

If there's an emergency, his pediatrician's

number is right over the telephone.

Don't worry. We'll do great.

Okay, honey, let's settle down, okay?

[doorbell chimes]

- Hi. - Hi. Come on in.

- Pow! - Eric, enough.

Who's he?

This is Mr. Handeman.

- And who are you? - I'm He-Man.

- Can I get you anything? - No, I'm fine.

Thanks again for bailing me out.

My pleasure.

Okay, Eric, it's time to go to bed.

- No. - Eric.

- What's that? - Where?

Sticking out of your ear.

How could you hear anything? You had a quarter in there.

Let me see the other one.

How did you do that?

It's magic. And watch this.

Do it again.

Well, maybe next time 'cause you gotta go to bed now.

Okay, honey, come on.

Let's say good night to Mr. Handeman.

I want more magic.

Come on.

- Do you mind? - Be my guest.

It's right through there.

You know, I have a son who's almost six,

and he's a big fan of G.I. Joe.

Does he live with you?

Well, sometimes with me and sometimes with his mom.

Here, scoot over there.

Now, one more trick, and then lights out. Deal?

- Okay. - Okay.

Watch this.

Keep your eyes on the dollar bill.

Hey.

Go ahead. Take it.

Good night, Eric.

Good night.

Good night, sweetheart.

- Night. - Oh, wait a minute.

Now, I'm gonna take this dollar bill,

and I'm gonna put it on your bookcase.

But don't spend it,

because it's a magic dollar bill.

That was fantastic. Thank you.

It's my pleasure.

[laughs]

[theme music]