Original subtitles

[PLACEBO'S "EVERY YOU EVERY ME" PLAYING]

Sebastian.

Sebastian, let's try and focus.

What can I possibly say?

I'm a fool.

You're not a fool. Yes, I am.

I can't feel sorry for myself because I'm some poor little rich boy.

It's not your fault.

Adolescence is a difficult time.

And without great parenting, things can go awry.

But you have to rise above their mistakes.

Here.

[♪♪♪]

Autographed copy! Can I keep this? It's yours.

You have to stop being so hard on yourself.

What's in the past is over.

You're right.

You know, it's hard to believe that there was once a period in my life

when the only thing I could think about was sex.

It's no way to go through life. I know.

I mean, take yourself, for example.

You're a very attractive woman.

You have killer legs.

I would love to photograph them.

That was the old me.

I'm cured now.

I'm so proud of you.

Same time next week?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

I'm going on my book tour. I'll be back in a month.

Why?

Because other people need my help too.

You're gonna do just fine.

I hope so.

If you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to call my service.

I could use a hug.

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

Alrighty.

Mm-hm. There you go.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes?

WOMAN: Your daughter on one. Tell her to hold.

[♪♪♪]

This her? That's my Marci.

She seems nice. She's great.

Straight-A student, exceptionally rounded young woman.

She's attending Princeton this fall.

Wow.

Now, this is exactly the type of girl I should be with.

I think she's a little out of your league.

No offense. Oh, well.

So take good care of yourself, Sebastian.

Thank you for everything.

Schmuck.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes? Your daughter's still holding.

Hi, honey.

MARCI: You kept me on hold?

I'm sorry. Is something wrong?

He told me he loved me.

And I believed him.

I'm so stupid.

Now, darling, it's all right.

Just calm down, take a deep breath, step out of the circle.

Oh, would you cut your psychobabble bullshit, Mom?

There's pictures of me on the Internet.

What kind of pictures?

Nudie pictures! What do you think? COMPUTER: Slut, slut, slut...

Jesus Christ! How could you be so stupid?!

He was just so charming.

And all he did was say how I had killer legs

and how he wanted to photograph them.

And things just got completely out of hand.

COMPUTER: You are a slut, you are a slut, you are a slut...

Mom? Are you there?

Mom?

Mother!

[♪♪♪]

GREENBAUM: Sebastian. Sebastian!

You're gonna pay for this, you little shit! Do you hear me?

You sicko pervert!

What's her problem?

Looks like somebody's in need of some therapy.

You're not gonna get away with this, you know.

Get away from me!

So, what's your name?

Clorissa. Clorissa.

God, you're beautiful. Thank you.

I'm gonna take you to lunch. Okay.

[GREENBAUM YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[OFFICER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

GREENBAUM: No! No!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

Sir, there's no parking, sir. You can't park, sir!

You can't-

[GRUMBLING]

BUNNY: I can't tell you how happy we are

that Cecile will be attending Manchester with you this fall.

You've always been an inspiration to Beau and I in raising her.

We just hope she can rise to the high standards which you've set for her.

I'll do my best.

[BOTH SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]

What was that? I was thanking her.

Vietnamese is really a beautiful language, don't you think?

Kathryn is one of the most popular girls at school.

Listen to whatever she has to say, and you'll go far.

How do you do it? Where do you get your strength?

Well, I know this sounds corny,

but whenever I feel the temptation of peer pressure,

I turn to God and he helps me through the problem.

Oh, that's beautiful.

What are the boys like? Ow!

Cecile, is that all you can think of?

[LAUGHING]

You must forgive her, Kathryn.

She's never been in a coeducational atmosphere before.

Oh, it's perfectly understandable.

Most of the boys that matriculate at Manchester are very upstanding gentlemen.

However, there are the occasional few bad apples.

Like your stepbrother, Sebastian.

I can't believe they didn't expel him after what he did to the school nurse.

I hear she's recovering quite well.

Nice to see you again, Mrs. Caldwell.

Do you remember my daughter, Cecile?

My, what an adorable shirt you're wearing!

Thanks. My father took me to Australia.

How are things down under?

Blossoming, I hope. Sebastian!

I'm so sorry.

Well, I think we'll be going now. Thank you so much for your help.

Cecile, I'll call you and we can plan your curriculum.

Okay, thanks.

It was nice meeting you.

Ciao!

Let's go, Cecile. Now.

Keep your legs together. This isn't Jamaica.

[♪♪♪]

I didn't know it was Asshole Day at the Valmont house.

Just taking the poor girl under my wing.

[KATHRYN SNIFFS]

The parental units called while you were out.

Lovely.

How is your gold-digging whore of a mother enjoying Bali?

She suspects that your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid.

Good.

What's wrong with you today? Therapy not going well?

It was fine.

Clorissa. "Call me!" Pfft!

I'm sick of sleeping with these insipid Manhattan debutantes.

Nothing shocks them anymore.

Well, you can relax. I have a mission for you.

What?

You remember Court Reynolds?

Son of Garret Reynolds?

SEBASTIAN: Oh, you mean the Nazi who dumped you over Fourth of July weekend?

KATHRYN: I went to great lengths to please Court.

Huge sacrifices were made on my part to keep him happy.

SEBASTIAN: Sorry. In any event,

my feelings were hurt when I learned that Court had fallen for someone else.

You don't mean-?

KATHRYN: None other than Cecile Caldwell.

So that's what this is all about.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

When I get through with Cecile, she'll be the premier tramp of the New York area.

And poor Court's new little princess will be damaged goods.

Why go through Cecile? Why not just attack Court?

Because if there is an attack made on Court, it could be traced back to me.

And I can't allow that to happen.

Everybody loves me, and I intend to keep it that way.

Hmm. I see your point.

Why should I care?

Because I need you to seduce our young Cecile.

She's quite cute, you know.

Young, supple breasts.

A tight, firm ass.

Uncharted pooty.

Be her Captain Picard, Valmont.

Boldly go...

where no man has gone before.

I can't.

Why not?

Oh, come on, Kathryn. It's too easy.

Go get one of those moron friends of yours to do it.

I have a reputation to uphold.

Oh, but diddling the therapist's daughter is a challenge?

She was overcharging.

This is a challenge.

I know how to alleviate menstrual cramps, thank you very much.

Shut up and turn to page 64.

Ugh.

[♪♪♪]

"Why I Plan to Wait,"

by Annette Hargrove, Kansas City, Kansas.

Jesus Christ! Is she for real?

SEBASTIAN: Oh, she's daddy's little angel.

A paradigm of chastity and virtue.

Let's see.

Boring, boring, boring. "I love my parents."

Boring, boring, boring. "Making a mature decision."

Here.

She has a boyfriend named Trevor.

"Going out for a year.

Trevor understands."

Trevor's a fag.

Too bad for you, she lives in Kansas.

Au contraire.

The virgin's father has accepted the new headmaster position at our school.

She's staying with my aunt on the Island while her parents sell their house.

Can you imagine what this will do for my reputation?

Screwing the new headmaster's daughter before school starts.

She'll be my greatest victory.

You don't stand a chance.

Even this is out of your league.

Care to make a wager on that?

I'll think about it.

Oh, well. Duty calls.

Dr. Greenbaum and her daughter should make for an exciting entry.

Oh, gee, your journal.

Could you be more queer?

Could you be more desperate to read it?

Oh, Sebastian?

Could you come here for a second?

About that little wager of yours?

Count me in.

What are the terms?

If I win...

then that hot little car of yours is mine.

And if I win?

I'll give you something you've been obsessing about

ever since our parents got married.

Be more specific.

In English...

I'll fuck your brains out.

What makes you think I'd go for that bet?

That's a 1956 Jaguar roadster.

[♪♪♪]

Because I'm the only person you can't have, and it kills you.

No way.

You can put it anywhere.

You got yourself a bet, baby.

[♪♪♪]

Happy hunting, Sebastian.

[♪♪♪]

Your home is so beautiful, Mrs. Rosemond.

Oh, thank you, Annette. It's been in my family for over 100 years.

Does your family ride much?

My grandpa actually used to breed horses on his farm.

Really?

[GUNSHOT]

What was that? Oh, Sebastian must be home.

Pull!

HELEN: Sebastian.

Ah, fuck me!

Aunt Helen! HELEN: Sweet pea.

God, I've missed you!

I've been looking all over for you.

I missed you too.

I want you to meet Annette. Annette Hargrove, this is Sebastian.

Well, well. Hello.

She'll be staying with me for a few weeks.

I guess that makes two of us.

Welcome. Thank you.

Aunt Helen, why don't you head in and whip us up some of that iced tea of yours?

I'll tend to Annette.

All right. You two don't get into any trouble.

ANNETTE: We won't. SEBASTIAN: We won't.

Come on.

[♪♪♪]

Quickly. Lots to see.

I read your manifesto. You did?

Mm-hm. I must say, I found it rather appalling.

That's a first. Most people praised me for it.

Most people are sheep.

Who are you to criticize something you've never experienced?

I wasn't criticizing anything.

It's just my belief that people shouldn't experience the act of love until they are in love.

And I just don't think people our age are mature enough to experience those kind of emotions.

Are you a lesbian?

No.

I didn't mean to offend you. I just picked up on a little bit of that lesbian vibe.

Look, I wouldn't expect a man of your experience to understand my beliefs.

What's that supposed to mean?

I've been very well-informed of your reputation.

What have you heard?

That you promise girls the world to get them in bed with you.

Who told you this?

A friend wrote me.

That's a little tacky.

Why do you sound so surprised? It's the truth, isn't it?

If you say so.

[CELLO PLAYING]

MAN: That's good.

Okay, now let's try the G-major scale.

Once again. And remember, the third note is sharp.

I suck! I suck!

Relax, okay? Take a deep breath.

You're concentrating too much on your bowing. Just let it flow.

Here, let me help you.

Now close your eyes.

KATHRYN: Mai-Lee, be careful!

We've had this discussion.

My apologies. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Your playing was beautiful.

Kathryn, this is Ronald Clifford.

He'll be giving me music lessons over the summer.

Nice to meet you.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Ronald is attending pre-Juilliard. He's composing his first opera.

It's based on the life of Dr. Martin Luther King.

Dr. King is my favorite.

Well, I guess our hour is up.

Same time tomorrow?

Bye.

[CECILE MOANS]

[BARE JR.'S "YOU BLEW ME OFF" PLAYING]

SEBASTIAN: Unbelievable.

Some fag, no offense, None taken.

Wrote a letter to this chick describing my lascivious tactics.

Any ideas who it could be?

Blaine, if I knew who it was, that person would be in a momentous amount of pain.

Where did the little girl say she was from?

SEBASTIAN: Kansas.

Who the hell do I know in Kansas?

Greg McConnell. The football stud?

Mm-hm. He's from Kansas City. I wouldn't be surprised if he was your rat.

It would make sense. McConnell hates me.

I fingered his girlfriend at homecoming last year.

I don't think that bothered him so much.

What do you mean?

Well, let's just say that Greg likes to tackle the tight ends on and off the field.

Oh, are you shitting me?

I shit you not.

He used to sneak into my dorm room drunk every month.

We'd go at it for a little while.

And then as soon as he'd come, he'd start freaking out.

"What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag.

If you tell anybody, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

The only reason I let him keep up the charade

is because the man's got a mouth like a Hoover. Ooh!

Shit! Too bad he's in Kansas this summer.

Not anymore.

The football team started practice last week. He's back in the dorm.

He already called me for a little pillow-kissing session.

Good for you. Mm-hm.

Well, do you think you could arrange a little get-together with him tonight on my behalf?

Hmm...

I do believe Spartacus is showing on television tonight.

Outstanding.

But don't think this one's not gonna cost you.

Just make sure your front door is unlocked.

Shall we say, the stroke of midnight? No pun intended.

Okay. The stroke of midnight it is.

So then I take out my dick, okay? And I shove it right in her face.

And I'm standing there, I'm like, "What the hell is this?

Grandma with the birthday present? Suck it, you dumb bitch!"

The Gregster!

Yes, the Gregster!

Yes.

Hey. Gregory?

Hi, Blaine.

So rumor has it that you went on a date with Court Reynolds.

I hear he's very nice.

He's all right.

He kept talking about this bulimic head case

he dumped over the Fourth of July.

Really? "Bulimic head case." Yeah.

What a loser she must be! Ow!

Sorry.

Anyhow, Court's invited me to the Hamptons for Labor Day weekend.

That's great!

You think so?

I don't know. I guess I'm just scared.

Of what?

Duh, boys. I've never even gone to first base with a guy.

Haven't you ever practiced on one of your girlfriends?

Ew, no. That's gross.

It's not gross. How else do you think girls learn?

Okay, face me.

Now close your eyes and wet your lips.

Are you for real?

You wanna learn or not?

I guess.

[BLUR'S "COFFEE & TV" PLAYING]

See? That wasn't so scary.

It was nothing.

Okay, let's try it again.

Only this time, I'm gonna stick my tongue in your mouth.

And when I do that, I want you to massage my tongue with yours.

And that's what first base is.

Okay.

Eyes closed.

Not bad.

That was cool.

Maybe you should try it on your friend Ronald some time.

What are you saying?

Oh, come on, Cecile. It's obvious.

He's crazy about you.

He sends me letters, you know. Love letters.

That's so romantic. Have you responded?

No. Well, don't you like him?

I do like him. I think about him all the time.

I don't know what to do if my mother found out. She would kill me.

You did hide the letters, right?

In an antique dollhouse in my room.

Okay. I want you to make copies of the letters and bring them to me.

Why?

Because if there's one thing I'm great at, it's love letters.

With my help, Ronald will be eating out of the palm of your hand.

Maybe we could even arrange a little get-together for the two of you at my house.

You'd do that for me?

Of course, silly. We're friends, right?

Best friends.

Do you wanna have a sleepover?

[BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY #9 IN D MINOR, OP. 125, 'CHORAL"' PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

ANNETTE: Hello?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

What a pleasant surprise!

[MUSIC STOPS]

You aware this music is playing in every room of the house?

It's not, just yours.

I thought you'd be pleased.

[THE CARDIGANS' "LOVEFOOL" PLAYING ON STEREO]

So, what are you doing in your room?

Reading.

Anything interesting?

Yes. Actually, it's quite intriguing.

For you.

Something to start the new school year with.

You didn't have to do this. You hate it. It's lame.

No, I love it.

You just didn't have to do it.

Well, do you think you can pry yourself away and join me for a swim?

I know it's late, being 10:00 and all, but we are reasonably young.

Well, I suppose your proposal was only mildly insulting.

So maybe I'll consider it.

Give me a minute.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Fuck her yet? I'm working on it.

Loser.

Blow me. Call me later?

Okay.

[KRISTEN BARRY'S "ORDINARY LIFE" PLAYING]

Sebastian?

Would you mind turning around so I can put on my bathing suit?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[WATER SPLASHES]

So embarrassing.

You know, it amazes me someone as charming as you can be so manipulative.

We're not gonna start this letter nonsense again, are we?

What was my favorite part? Oh, right.

"Even more treacherous than he is attractive,

he has never uttered a single word without some dishonorable intention.

Every woman he's successfully pursued has regretted it.

Stay away from him."

You know, you could at least have the decency of telling me who's badmouthing me

so I might have the opportunity to confront them.

Not a chance.

You're right, you know.

About what?

About what you said today.

I've done some things I'm not proud of.

Look, I wasn't trying to give you a hard time.

No, it's okay.

I mean, I look at you with all your morals and values...

and you seem to be happy in your choices.

I envy you.

No bullshit.

Really?

Seriously.

And you've got everything going for you.

You're smart, you're beautiful, you're determined.

You're everything I'd want in a girlfriend.

You know I'm seeing someone.

Oh, yes, the infamous Trevor.

It's funny how you haven't mentioned him until now.

He's backpacking through Europe.

He's great.

I really miss him.

I care.

I'm sorry, but you're not my type.

Honestly? Honestly.

"You're smart, you're beautiful. Determined"?

Listing my qualities on your fingers is not gonna get you anywhere with me.

The best you can hope for is my friendship.

And you're really walking a fine line at that.

Good night, sweet pea.

[MARCY PLAYGROUND'S "COMIN' UP FROM BEHIND" PLAYING]

[GREG MOANING]

GREG: Oh, baby!

"Baby"?

Right on time.

GREG: Shit!

Give me my fucking underwear! BLAINE: All right, don't get so huffy.

SEBASTIAN: Well, what do we have here?

Look, Valmont, okay, this is the first time I've ever done anything like this.

I was just- Really drunk and blah-blah-blah.

GREG: Please don't tell anyone.

This could ruin my whole career, man.

Your career?

Greg, what about your family?

I mean, can you imagine the humiliation your father's gonna feel

when he finds out his pride and joy's a fudge-packer?

I'll do anything.

Let's just forget about this whole thing, okay?

Hmm.

No.

Can't help you there.

After all, it is you who's badmouthing me to Annette Hargrove.

Annette Hargrove? I don't know what you're talking about.

You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you.

I never said a word to her about you. I promise.

Come to think of it, Valmont, he's probably telling you the truth.

I mean, the man can barely write out a grocery list, let alone a letter.

What was I thinking?

All right.

I believe you.

Your secret's safe with me.

Actually...

there is something you can do for me.

ANNETTE: So, what else do you know about Sebastian?

GREG: Well, he's smart as hell, you know?

He's really dedicated to achieving his goals.

Always gives 110 percent.

He's always watching my back.

He's got a bad rep, you know,

but it's mostly bullshit.

I don't know, Greg. I've just been hearing some really awful things about him.

Oh, yeah? From who?

I can't really say. I'm sworn to secrecy.

Annette, how long have we known each other?

Forever. Exactly.

Now, it's my job to look out for you, right?

You're like a sister to me.

Besides, do I look like some kind of gossip queen to you?

It's me. Greg. The Gregster.

I'm serious.

Okay, you promise not to tell anybody?

Annette...

I swear to you on my mama's life.

[FAITHLESS' "ADDICTIVE" PLAYING ON RADIO]

That nosy bitch! Are you sure?

Positive, man. She said, "Mrs. Caldwell."

They met at orientation.

Okay, next. Did you do everything I asked you to do?

Yeah. Do you think she bought it?

Well, I'm pretty sure she bought it.

"Pretty" sure or "sure" sure?

She bought it.

She completely tried to outdo me with this one-handed cartwheel, which is so stupid,

because I told her for a long time, for like two weeks, that I could do this,

and then I could do it for a really long time.

And my best friends, Sue and Kelly and Frances, that I could do it for so long.

You see what I mean-?

Wow. You okay? Yeah.

You would not believe what I found out-

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Shit, it's my mom! Gotta go. I should get going too.

CECILE: I'll see you tomorrow?

RONALD: Absolutely.

Goodbye.

Peace out.

"Peace out"? Moron!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Okay, what's wrong with you?

Are you ready for this?

[♪♪♪]

I've recently discovered that our good friend Mrs. Caldwell is the one who sent the letter to Annette,

urging her to stay away from me.

Interesting. Yes, it is.

I now plan to devote all my energies to destroying the douche bag.

Ah. But the plot thickens.

It appears that Cecile has fallen for her music teacher.

I'm sure Mrs. Caldwell will love that.

Unfortunately, our Don Juan is moving

with the speed of a Special Olympic hurdler.

What's your plan of attack?

I rat Cecile out to Mommy.

Mommy goes ballistic and ends the relationship. Boo-hoo.

But who will they turn to for help?

Cecile is planning on going away with Court next week.

I'll need you to speed up her sexual awakening.

I'm at your service.

Thank you.

[MOANING]

That feels good.

Oh, sis, you're so tense.

I know.

I hate it when things don't go my way.

It makes me so horny.

I hate it too.

Seems like things are looking up for you.

It appears so.

Any luck with your girl?

Moving along quite well.

Have you succeeded in your task?

Any day now.

Well...

let me know when you do.

Until then...

down, boy.

Oh, come on!

[DOOR CLOSES]

[♪♪♪]

[PHONE DIALING]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello. Hi, it's Sebastian.

Hi. I didn't wake you, did I?

No, not at all. Good.

Um...

Did I leave my glasses there?

Um, no, I don't think so.

All right.

Well, I guess I'll see you around.

Is that really why you were calling me?

No.

I called you because I missed talking to you.

A moment of honesty.

Yeah, well, don't get used to it. I'm not liking it too much.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Well, I'm going out with you.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

That's ridiculous.

I got your message and came as quick as I could.

I hope I didn't keep you from something.

Not at all. What's wrong?

It's Cecile. What about her?

You have to promise you won't say anything.

You have my word. It isn't drugs, is it?

It's worse.

I think there's something going on between Cecile and her music teacher.

Ronald? That's crazy.

I know. She's so young and he's so...

Black!

Brown sugar. No sugar.

He's been sending her love letters that she hides under her dollhouse.

I questioned whether or not to tell you,

but something like this could destroy her reputation at Manchester.

I hope I did the right thing in telling you.

I'd hate to see Cecile ruin things with Court.

No, I can't thank you enough for this.

You will be discreet about this?

Absolutely.

[CELLO PLAYING]

Who the hell do you think you are?

Excuse me?

I'm paying you to give cello lessons, not to pervert my child.

Mrs. Caldwell, I think you're misunderstanding something.

You care to explain this, then?

Where did you find those?

Margarita found them while she was cleaning.

Now, you go to your room. Now. Mom.

Now!

How dare you treat me with such disrespect!

I got you off the streets, and this is how you repay me?

Got me off the streets? I live at 59th and Park.

Whatever!

Now, you are never to set foot in this house again!

And you are never, and I mean never, to see my daughter again.

Is that understood?

First of all,

I never touched your daughter.

And second, I would like to think

that in these times, someone of your stature could look beyond racial lines.

Oh, don't give me any of that racist crap!

My husband and I gave money to Colin Powell.

I guess that puts me in my place.

Thank you for your hospitality, Mrs. Caldwell.

It was a true awakening.

[♪♪♪]

The black man is gone!

The black man is gone! Praise Jesus, the black man is gone!

Wow.

I never knew she had these types of feelings.

You're a lucky guy.

So, what do I do?

I think you should tell her you love her.

Are you kidding me?

Mrs. Caldwell will have me shot if I go anywhere near her.

She doesn't have her own phone, and I don't even know her e-mail address.

Ronald, e-mail is for geeks and pedophiles.

Be romantic.

Write her another letter.

Well, how will I get it to her?

We'll make sure she gets it. We'll make sure she gets it.

Why are you guys doing this for me?

Because...

Because we wanna see Cecile happy.

[♪♪♪]

And we know that you'd make her happy.

You'd make any girl happy.

You guys mind if I have some privacy?

You can use my room. It's right across the hall.

Make yourself at home.

Who are you calling? Cecile.

What are you doing?

Before we go through with this, I just wanna make you aware of the damage we're about to cause.

I'm aware.

Are you really?

I mean, we've done some pretty fucked-up shit in our time, but this is...

We're destroying an innocent girl, you do realize that.

Court Reynolds is going down. And if you won't help me,

somebody else will.

You amaze me.

Eat me, Sebastian.

It's all right for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone,

but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile.

God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex.

Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7

so I can be considered a lady?

I'm the Marcia-fucking-Brady of the Upper East Side

and sometimes I wanna kill myself.

So there's your psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud.

Now, tell me...

are you in or are you out?

Call her.

[RINGING]

CECILE: Hello?

Cecile, it's Kathryn.

[CECILE CRYING]

Okay, stop crying.

Stop crying.

You know what? Hold on for Sebastian.

Cecile, stop crying.

Now, I need you to listen to me very carefully.

I have a letter from Ronald. He asked me to give it to you.

Now, I can't exactly bring it to your house, since your mother despises me.

So here's what we're gonna do.

[ABRA MOORE'S "TRIP ON LOVE" PLAYING]

Finished.

[BELCHES]

This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea.

It's from Long Island.

How's the letter? It's excellent.

You think he'll like it?

Oh, my God, he'll love it. Are you kidding?

What are you doing?

Just taking your photo.

You know, you could be a model.

Really?

It's too bad you're not sexy.

I can be sexy.

All right, show me sexy.

Wow. That's- That's very sexy.

Why don't you make yourself more comfortable?

Om...

No, no, no. Come here.

Now, that's sexy.

Cecile. What?

You know what would be super-duper sexy?

If you lost all the clothes.

I don't think so.

I'm sorry. That was out of line.

I think I should go home now.

Okay, I'll just call your mom and have her come pick you up.

My mom? You can't call my mom.

Oh, wow. She doesn't know you're here.

In fact, you're probably grounded.

I think I should call her anyway. No, please!

Please. I'll do anything! Just don't call my mom.

Cecile.

All I wanna do is give you a kiss.

Just a kiss?

I swear.

What are you doing?

Cecile, you promised to let me kiss you.

But then why-?

I don't wanna kiss you here.

I wanna kiss you there.

Huh?

A promise is a promise, Cecile.

A promise is a promise.

That tickles.

[MOANS]

BUNNY: Cecile, are you up yet?

You're going to be late for the-

Cecile.

DOLL: I need a hug.

Cecile.

CECILE: Yeah?

Jesus Christ! Where have you been?

Shopping? Well, hurry up!

Come on, you're supposed to be at Mrs. Rosemond's before brunch.

She's very, very important to the school.

And I want you to look your best, all right? Okay, go.

[BACH'S "BRANDENBURG CONCERTO #4 IN G MAJOR" PLAYING]

Afternoon, ladies.

ANNETTE: I didn't know you'd be here.

I wasn't planning on it, but being such a lovely day,

why waste it in the city?

Good point.

Anyone for tennis?

Excuse me.

That was rude.

She's very strange.

HELEN: What am I going to do?

SEBASTIAN: Is something wrong?

That was Mrs. Collins.

They're short of volunteers at the retirement home.

But I have theater tickets.

Oh, that's terrible.

I have a thought. Why don't you two fill in for me?

I'd love to.

You two are the best.

Thank you. So sweet of you.

Can't help it.

PARROT: Stop it.

Stop it.

Isn't he beautiful? Yes.

You know, it's so wonderful when young people come by to help out.

Most of our patients, they don't have much family nearby.

Here we are. Here we are. Mr. Gottlieb?

We have a visitor for you.

No, I've got somebody special for you, baby. Come on.

Oh, did I ever tell you the time when my late husband-?

SEBASTIAN: Yes, you already did, Mrs. Sugarman.

Oh, I did?

Right after we played backgammon, Mrs. Sugarman.

Oh, we played backgammon?

Uh-huh. You beat me three times. I did?

Yup. Then I fucked your daughter.

Excuse me?

I said, "Would you care for some water?"

No, thank you.

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Hi, how's it going in here?

Oh! Oh, we played backgammon.

And I won three times.

I did! I did! You go on with your bad self!

Isn't it wonderful?

See, I told you she was special.

Oh, my, that was fun. Mm.

[FATBOY SLIM'S "PRAISE YOU" PLAYING ON RADIO]

It's weird. I actually feel good about myself.

Mrs. Sugarman's cool.

Come on. What?

Mrs. Sugarman's cool? She is.

You must think I'm a real idiot. No, I don't.

You're trying to tell me that you had a good time with that old lady?

I did. We played three games of backgammon.

All right, I was bored out of my mind. I hate doing charity.

It's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Yes, it does. No, it doesn't.

I can't win with you.

It's not about winning, Sebastian.

You know what your problem is? You take yourself way too seriously.

I do not. Yes, you do.

You should try to lighten up.

I am lightened. Can we drop this?

Fine.

What are you doing?

Stop it! It's distracting.

Cut it out!

Stop that.

Are you smiling? No.

No?

Will you stop?

It's okay. You can laugh. I promise I won't tell anybody.

[KNOCKING]

Who is it?

KATHRYN: It's Kathryn.

Are you okay? No.

Calm down. Tell me what's wrong.

Something awful happened last night.

What do you mean?

I don't think you wanna know.

Cecile, you have to tell me.

It involves your brother.

He took advantage of me.

Why didn't you do something?

I don't know.

So let me get this straight.

You came over to our house late last night, and he forced intercourse on you?

Not exactly.

He made you give him a blowjob? No. Ew.

Well, what, then?

[WHISPERING] He took down my pants and he started writing the alphabet,

but he was writing it with his tongue.

He went down on you?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] If that's what you call it.

Well, did you like it? No.

No? Well...

I don't know. It was weird.

I mean, at first, it felt icky and then it was sort of okay.

And then I started getting really hot.

And then I started shaking and...

[♪♪♪]

I don't know. It was weird.

It just felt like an explosion!

But a good one.

Cecile, you had an orgasm.

I did?

You're becoming a woman. I'm so proud of you.

I am?

Cecile.

[♪♪♪]

Listen.

Now that you're on your way, it would be stupid of you to stop.

Think of Sebastian as a tutor. Let him instruct you.

But I don't love him.

I love Ronald.

So? Don't you wanna make Ronald happy?

Practice makes perfect, Cecile.

My advice is to sleep with as many people as possible.

But that would make me a slut.

Wouldn't it?

Cecile, everybody does it.

It's just that nobody talks about it.

So it's like a secret society.

That's one way of looking at it.

[WHISPERS] Fucking idiot.

Cool. Yeah.

Secret society, secret society.

[DAY ONE'S "BEDROOM DANCING" PLAYING]

Am I supposed to feel this sore?

For the first time, yes.

It'll pass.

I like it better when I'm on top.

Cecile.

This is what I like to call "quiet time."

It's the time when we reflect on the things we've just done.

Sorry.

Something's the matter?

You think?

Is it me?

No, you were fine.

It's that Annette girl.

You love her, don't you?

It's okay.

I don't love you either.

I love Ronald.

I'm getting out of here. Where are you going?

I'm taking a shower.

Want any company? No.

Want a blowjob? Good night, Cecile.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Prude.

[♪♪♪]

Who are you spying on?

That her? SEBASTIAN: Yeah.

KATHRYN: Oh, no, she's crying.

Little baby's upset by the big, bad book.

Shut up.

What's up your ass?

Nothing.

She's really getting to you, isn't she?

If you must know, yes.

I don't know what to do.

I can't stand that "holier than thou" bullshit,

yet I'm completely infatuated with her.

She made me laugh.

So that's why you're losing our bet?

I'm not losing our bet.

It's just taking a little longer than I expected.

[KEYS JINGLING]

Do you mind if I take my new car for a ride?

Kathryn, the only thing you're gonna be riding is me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do.

[BOTH SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

I'm sorry about that.

I am too.

You know what? I'm not sorry. I don't take it back.

I thought we were just gonna be friends.

I can't handle it.

I can't keep my feelings all bottled up like you.

Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me?

Yeah, I have feelings for you, Sebastian.

Then what's wrong?

It's not like you have a husband. Unless you're married to Jesus.

That's not fair!

Why can't we be together?

You really wanna know why?

Yes, I wanna know why.

It's because I don't trust myself with you.

[♪♪♪]

[KNOCKING]

Come in.

Hi.

I just came to say goodbye.

Where are you going?

Back to the city. I may go to the south of France for the end of the summer.

I just can't take your games anymore.

What games?

Come off it.

You're hot one minute, you're cold the next.

You make me feel inadequate.

Well, I guess if that's how I'm making you feel, then it's best that you're leaving.

Good for you.

Sebastian, I don't want us to part on bad terms.

Well, I'm afraid you don't have a choice in the matter.

You're a hypocrite. And I don't associate with hypocrites.

How am I a hypocrite?

Oh, please, Annette. You spend all your time preaching about "waiting for love."

Well, here it is. Right in front of you.

And you're gonna turn your back on it.

So I guess we're just fucked.

I'll move on.

But you are gonna have to spend the rest of your life

knowing that you've turned your back on love.

And that makes you a hypocrite.

[♪♪♪]

Have a nice life.

Wait.

[♪♪♪]

[ANNETTE MOANING]

I'm sorry, I can't.

Get it together, you pussy.

Morning.

Morning.

So how'd it go last night?

With who?

I know how it went with Cecile. She won't shut up about it.

If you're asking if I nailed her, the answer is no.

She shot you down?

Exactly the opposite.

So, what went wrong?

I don't know.

She was lying on the bed,

ready to do it, but I was...

I just didn't feel right about it.

You're telling me you had the chance to fuck her and you didn't?

God, are you a chump.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, if you're heading towards her room, you won't find her.

Where is she? You don't know?

She left 30 minutes ago.

Where did she go?

She apologized to your aunt and told her

she was gonna stay with some friends.

You blew it, Sebastian.

That girl's come to her senses. And she'll never go near you again.

GREG: Stupid, stupid, stupid. Judy. I'll save that.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Greg, it's Valmont. Hey, buddy!

Is she with you? No!

Where is she? I don't know.

Look, why don't you just leave her alone?

Where is she?

Okay, okay, all right!

She's with her friend's parents, the Michalaks.

She just caught a train into Penn Station about 20 minutes ago.

Thank you. No problem.

[COUNTING CROWS' "COLORBLIND" PLAYING]

I'm impressed.

Well, I'm in love.

Are you okay?

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[KATHRYN MOANING]

KATHRYN: Just a minute.

[KATHRYN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

Come in.

Bad time?

Kind of.

Well, you obviously wanted me to witness your little adventure,

or else you wouldn't have invited me in.

Who is our friend who gives you such pleasure?

Where could he be?

Hi.

Some fucked-up shit in this house.

Call me.

You don't get to have all the fun.

So I assume you've come here to make arrangements.

Some other time.

Excuse me?

I'm not in the mood.

I wanna fuck!

And I don't.

Good afternoon, Kathryn.

SEBASTIAN: Sounds great.

I love you too.

KATHRYN: "I love you too"?

My God, you're completely pussy-whipped.

Stop it.

What happened to us?

Nothing has changed.

Yes, it has.

You're in love with her. You don't love me anymore.

Oh, come on, Kathryn, it's just a bet.

[♪♪♪]

This is ridiculous.

What's ridiculous, dear brother, is you.

Look at yourself. Look what you've been reduced to.

Have you given any thought to what's gonna happen when school starts?

Not only are you dating Miss Seventeen magazine,

but she's also the new headmaster's daughter.

Before you know it, you'll be giving campus tours with her.

Oh, wait.

Her father doesn't know about your past, does he?

I doubt he'd let his little princess be seen with the likes of you.

Hmm.

It's so disappointing to see Annette's manifesto was a total sham.

You know, as student body president, I feel it's my sworn duty to tell him.

Put the phone down.

Shh. This will only take a second.

Quite the predicament you're in.

I don't care what you say.

The fact of the matter is, I was planning on telling her everything this afternoon.

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

You're so in love.

Do you honestly believe

that you've done a complete 180 in the few days you've known her?

Well, let me tell you something.

People don't change overnight.

You and I are two of a kind. At least I have the guts to admit it.

You were gonna leave school a legend.

Now you're gonna leave a joke.

I'm willing to take my chances.

Don't do it, Sebastian.

You'll not only ruin your reputation,

you'll destroy hers.

[CRAIG ARMSTRONG'S "THIS LOVE" PLAYING]

Hi. Hi.

And this is my room.

Do you think we can be quiet?

There's something I have to tell you.

Tell me.

This isn't working out for me anymore.

Yeah, me neither.

[♪♪♪]

What's wrong?

It's not you. It's me.

I'm completely fucked up.

What are you saying?

I thought I was in love with you, but it was just a lie.

I wanted it to work, but unfortunately, I feel nothing.

Why are you doing this?

I just wanted to see what you were like in bed.

I know you don't mean that.

You know nothing.

You don't even know me!

The fact of the matter is, there is someone I love.

You don't even compare to her.

I don't believe you.

I don't know how to make this any clearer to you.

You mean nothing to me.

You were just...

You were just a conquest.

You're such a coward. Look at yourself, you're shaking.

Is that what you came to tell me?

I'm sorry. I'm completely-

Yeah, you're completely fucked up!

Get out.

Get out!

Don't touch me!

Don't touch me.

Don't fucking touch me, Sebastian! Don't!

Just leave.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Jesus.

A little melodramatic, don't you think?

I thought you'd like to know what happened between Annette and I.

[♪♪♪]

It's over.

Really?

You were right.

I can't change.

You and I are two of a kind.

I thought we should celebrate.

I'd love to,

but unfortunately, I'm expecting some company.

Who, Ronald?

Not that it's any of your business, but yes.

From Ronald.

I haven't had a chance to read it yet,

but I'm pretty sure it goes something like:

"Yada, yada, yada, you mean a lot to me.

Hope we can still be friends, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera."

You see, I expected your sort of bullshit, so I took the liberty of arranging

a little get-together between Ronald and Cecile.

You were right.

You do get dumped for the innocent little twits.

Well done.

Thank you.

Now where were we?

Oh, yes, the celebration.

What shall we toast to?

To my triumph.

It's not my choice of toasts, but it's your call.

To your triumph over Annette.

[LAUGHING]

What's so funny?

Silly rabbit.

My triumph isn't over her.

It's over you.

Come again?

You were very much in love with her.

And you're still in love with her.

But it amused me to make you ashamed of it.

You gave up on the first person you ever loved

because I threatened your reputation.

Don't you get it?

You're just a toy, Sebastian.

A little toy I like to play with.

And now you've completely blown it with her.

I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Cheers.

Tastes good.

So I assume you've come here to make some arrangements.

But unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Goodbye, Sebastian.

[♪♪♪]

It's imperative that I talk to her.

WOMAN: I don't know what to tell you. She's not here.

Well, could you please tell her I called?

Of course I will.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

May I help you? Yes, I need to speak with Annette.

She's not here. Listen, I'm entertaining guests-

Annette! Annette!

I already told you, she is not here.

Could you please see that she gets this?

I'll do that.

It's really important.

I understand. Good night.

MICHALAK: I'm terribly, terribly sorry about that.

You just never know who's gonna show up at my door.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[AIMEE MANN'S "YOU COULD MAKE A KILLING" PLAYING]

[AIMEE MANN'S "YOU COULD MAKE A KILLING" PLAYING]

SEBASTIAN: Dear Annette, I don't know what I can possibly say

to rectify the harm I've caused you.

The truth of the matter is that being with you was the only time I have ever been happy.

My whole life has been a joke.

I prided myself on taking joy in others' misery.

Well, it finally backfired.

I succeeded in hurting the first person I loved.

Enclosed is my most prized possession:

My journal.

For a long time, I considered it my trophy.

A sordid collection of my conquests.

If you really want to know the truth, then please read it.

No more lies.

Please give me another chance.

I'm a wreck without you.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello. KATHRYN: Ronald?

Yeah? It's Kathryn.

What's up?

Is everything okay? No.

It's Sebastian. He's out of his mind.

What do you mean? He hit me and then he took off.

I'm just afraid to be alone. Please, Ronald, I really need you.

Okay, just settle down.

There's more. It involves Cecile.

[♪♪♪]

Stay there. I'll be right over.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Son of a bitch.

Valmont.

Hey, Ronald.

Seems that you and I have some talking to do.

Can we do it later? I've had a really bad night.

What's your problem?

Where the hell do you come off, hitting Kathryn?

Christ, she got to you too. She told me everything.

Ronald, you don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

She also told me you fucked Cecile.

It's true, isn't it?

Ronald, I'm sorry- Motherfucker!

ANNETTE: Sebastian.

Sebastian!

Stop it!

Shit! SEBASTIAN: Annette!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[♪♪♪]

Sebastian.

I love you, Annette.

I love you too.

Just hold on.

As the new headmaster of Manchester Prep,

it saddens me to start our new school year off

with such a mournful tone.

[WATER RUNNING]

[♪♪♪]

I didn't know anyone else was in here.

I'm sorry.

I'm Annette Hargrove. Kathryn Merteuil.

Have we met?

I don't think so.

Your father's the new headmaster at Manchester, right?

That's right.

I was sorry to hear about your brother.

Are you okay?

I'll be fine.

Did you know Sebastian?

You might say that.

Such a tragedy, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

I'll leave you alone now.

Are you sure you're gonna be okay? I'm here if you need a friend.

That's great.

I know it sounds really trite, but sometimes when I feel I can't go on,

I turn to Jesus and he helps me through it.

Thank you. Okay.

I'll see you around campus.

Looking forward to it.

Freak.

Here we go.

KATHRYN: However dark the cloud,

there's always a silver lining.

It might be hard to see,

but what we should learn from this experience is to be true to ourselves

and to resist the temptations of peer pressure.

As student body president, I've tried to set an example in myself.

Unfortunately, the one person I could not reach out to in time

was my stepbrother, Sebastian.

I know he's looking down on us today and-

[CROWD MURMURING]

Um...

I know he's looking down on us today and he'd want me to say-

He'd want me to say, "Kathryn-"

He'd want me to say, "Kathryn, I'm sorry."

What is going on? Don't you people have any respect?

[THE VERVE'S "BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY" PLAYING]

[SKUNK ANANSIE'S "SECRETLY" PLAYING]