Original subtitles

And that's how a unicorn can help you roast marshmallows.

Well, class, that completes your final delinquent course lesson.

[all clapping, exclaiming]

Time to start the review. Open to page one.

[all groaning]

We gotta go over the whole thing?

Yeah, we do. Professor Crumbs

is sending a teacher's assistant here

to take us to the Hall of Wizards to help us review.

I hope it's not a pretty lady,

'cause all they want to do is pinch my cheeks.

Wizzy! Wizzy! Wizzy!

[all] Oy! Oy! Oy!

You are my people.

And you are still so cute.

See? Pretty lady.

Alex, you're no longer in this class.

We're waiting on a new teacher's assistant from WizTech, so please leave.

I don't want you to be here all, "Hey, how's it goin'? Cute shoes, by the way."

I mean, you are right about one thing.

Your new TA does have cute shoes.

No!

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! I'm your new T.A.!

[all clapping, exclaiming]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Oh, hi, Harper.

Hi. Oh, hey, Alex.

Do you remember making this in kindergarten?

Nope.

Exactly, 'cause you didn't.

I made it so the teacher wouldn't know you ditched.

Oh, yeah, we got that system down pretty early, didn't we?

Oh, yeah, we did.

Why would you keep all this stuff?

It's for my scrapbook of childhood memories.

Now that we've graduated, I can finally complete the last page with my diploma.

[sighs contentedly]

Oh, man! That wasn't the last page.

There's one more page left. What do I do?

Here. This is the cover of the magazine you read

the day you finished your scrapbook.

Aw, thanks.

Hey, scrapbooks are a great idea.

Can't wait to look back on the time I, uh...

...I left the water running in the bathtub.

Wait, that's right now.

Do we have scrapbooks for the kids?

Well, sort of.

I've got all their artwork and achievements

in those boxes in the hallway.

The ones that are labeled "Alex," "Justin" and "Max."

Oh, I thought those were suggestion boxes.

I've been putting complaints in there about the kids for years.

No wonder no one's changed.

So that's why Dad stopped complaining to our faces.

Here are the kids' memory boxes.

And they're a lot lighter,

now that I've taken the complaints out of 'em.

Look! Justin's "I learned how to crawl" certificate

that he printed for himself.

How do you know he printed it?

Because, here's his "I learned how to use a printer" certificate.

Oh, here's my award for "Most Absences."

Oh! Honey, that's... that's not an award,

that's an angry letter from a teacher.

Well, it says "Most", so I'm calling it an award.

Uh-oh. Max only has one thing.

It's a receipt for three boxes at a $1.99 each.

You paid a $1.99 for these?

What's wrong with a paper bag?

Well, I guess with each kid I saved less stuff.

So, you didn't save any memories for Max?

- Art projects? - They're so messy.

Grades?

Nobody wants to remember those.

His birth certificate?

You've seen him. What more proof do you need?

I think Harper's right, Jerry.

We're horrible parents for not saving any of Max's memories.

You know, if you want to be good parents,

you could start by taking us to a real doctor

instead of posting symptoms on the Internet and asking people what they think.

Well, what are we gonna do, Theresa?

I mean, it's not like we can recreate all of Max's work

from over the years.

[sly voice] Or can we?

Ah, Hall of Wizards. Now, take a look around.

This place is full of relics that will help you review.

Yeah, but look at all this stuff in here.

We'll never be ready. We're doomed!

Justin, we're fine.

That's why I'm here.

OK. Can anybody tell me what this is?

Ooh, that's the famous Waterfall of Wikkenberry.

Correct.

You can drink as much of this water as you want,

and you never have to pee.

My mom makes me drink it on long flying carpet trips.

Not bad, huh, Justin?

OK, yeah, but there's still a lot of stuff in here to know.

Whoa, look, guys.

It's the famous "Wand in the Crystal Ball."

This is the most powerful wand in the Wizard World.

It once belonged to the Great Wizard Renaldi

until a jealous warlock stole it,

and plunged it into this crystal ball.

Legend states it can only be removed by a descendent of Renaldi.

Wow, Felix. You really know your stuff.

Thanks, I like your stuff, too.

I mean... I don't know what I mean, I'm sorry.

[vibrating noise]

[sighing]

I'm not the descendent.

I'm still just the son of a wizard plumber.

[baby voice] 'Cause you're so cute.

The legend also states that there are no known descendents of Renaldi.

So there's no point in trying.

[vibrating noise]

Hello, class.

Welcome to the Hall of Wizards for your review.

Professor Crumbs. Good to see you.

Question. Did you give your beard a Brazilian blowout?

'Cause it looks silky and smooth.

- It does, doesn't it? - [both chuckling]

This is Cragmont.

When the time comes, he will administer the test

that will show how much Wizard World knowledge

you have acquired.

- [Justin] Hmm. - [Crumbs] Uh-huh.

Yes, well, I'm not only the administrator of the test,

but I'm also the Wizard World historian.

How many of you know that the oldest relic

in this room is... [stammering]

Well, actually, it's Crumbs.

It's true.

And I've dated some of the relics in this room.

- Hello, Ida. - [Cragmont] Uh-huh.

Justin, you've done an extraordinary job

with these delinquents and I'm confident

that they will pass with flying colors.

Uh-huh. So, you're Justin Russo.

Yes, well... [chuckling]

Professor Crumbs has told me that you're extraordinary.

Yes, as a matter of fact, it's extraordinary

how many times he's told me you're extraordinary.

I have great hopes for you, Justin.

Someday your statue will be here

among the statues of the famous members of the Wizard Council.

A statue?

Really?

I'd want to do something a little more animated

than these ones though. I'm thinking this.

Or, I got one of these, right here.

Well, any of those would be extraordinary.

Huh. I love the way he does that "extraordinary."

That's good. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you may be extraordinary,

but, of course, the proof is in the pudding.

[chuckling] Incidentally, after you take your test,

you get pudding.

Actually, I think they're ready for the test.

Why don't you just give it to them now?

No, no, no. They're actually not ready.

We need more time.

Justin, they know everything.

The sooner they get back into WizTech,

the sooner you get back in the competition.

Well, maybe, but are you just saying that because you want pudding?

[scoffs] Yes, I want pudding, I always want pudding,

but no, seriously, they're ready.

Stop it! Stop it, stop it!

with the "I want, I don't want"... [stammering]

Are you going to take the test, yes or no?

I have pudding to make.

Uh...

- [Nelvis] Yes. Say yes. - [all agreeing]

- Yes. - Ah, good.

Let's go before Mr. Extraordinary here

changes his mind. Now, you four,

sit in the chairs there.

All right, and then, uh... What we're going to do is,

we're gonna take these hairstyling machines,

and then we're going to scan their brains,

then we'll know what they know.

I hope they're ready to take this test.

Of course they're ready.

Look, all the lights are blinking,

that must mean they know a lot of stuff.

Well, uh, uh...

That completes our totally unnecessary light show.

So, uh, let's get on with the test.

OK, so far we've got

Max's third grade citizenship award,

his fifth grade Eskimo diorama,

and a spelling test from second grade,

where he spelled his name mostly right.

[chuckling]

Hey.

What's going on?

Uh... Max, you're home early.

We, uh... we can explain everything.

I hope so, Dad.

'Cause if Harper's having a fun arts and crafts class

you should have invited me.

Well, yeah, I mean... Mr. and Mrs. Russo.

I told you to invite Max. You must've forgotten.

Oh, that's right. Oh, it's...

But it's not too late for Max to join us, is it, Harper?

No, no. Not at all! Come on, Max.

Let's build an ice cream-stick house together.

Oh, you mean like I used to do at summer camp?

- Exactly! - Yes!

Did he go to summer camp?

Oh. Must've been that summer

we thought he slept for a week.

I'm thinking I need to take a test every Saturday night.

My hair's never had so much volume and shine.

Now I have a good place to keep my wand.

I'm sorry I was so nervous about you guys taking the test,

but I think it went well.

I feel good about it. Or do I?

- Yes, you do. - Right.

Ah, Professor Crumbs.

There you are. Lay the good news on us.

The class failed miserably.

Yay! Wait, what?

[class scoffing]

Professor Crumbs, that's impossible.

Are you sure?

Wait, wait. I reviewed with them.

They knew everything.

They couldn't have all failed.

There has to be something wrong with the brain scanners.

Not possible. Just look at their hair.

Such great volume and shine.

I knew they weren't ready.

[Crumbs] I'm sorry.

The delinquents will not be readmitted back to WizTech.

[all groaning]

And you are still ineligible

for your family's wizard competition.

It's a shame, Justin.

You're not as extraordinary as I thought.

Professor Crumbs!

I'm so sorry, Justin.

I really thought they were gonna pass.

We're sorry, Mr. Justin.

Don't apologize, Felix.

I know what happened.

Alex. You pushed the class to be evaluated

before they were ready so you could be sure

that I wouldn't get back into the wizard competition.

What?

You can't possibly be blaming me for them failing.

Would you cut the act? You got what you wanted.

No, this doesn't make any sense.

I can understand if one or two failed,

no offense back row.

But everyone?

What's it matter? You ruined it, Alex.

Just get outta here.

Fine.

But I'm gonna figure out what happened.

Hello?

[echoing] Cragmont?

Anybody there?

[vibrating noise]

I had to try.

Hello?

OK, if I were test results, where would I be?

Oh, wait, what am I doing? There's no one here.

[scoffs]

OK, here it is.

"Russo class test results."

Oh, my gosh! I knew it!

[phone beeping]

[making beeping noises]

You've reached the wandmail

of Justin Vincenzo Pepe Russo!

Please leave a message after the beep.

[phone beeping]

Justin, it's me.

I found the delinquents' test results.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa!

What are you doing with those, huh?!

- Give me back my wand! - Huh?

What are you up to, Cragmont?

This says that they passed but you reported to Crumbs

they failed. I think that you've made a mistake.

Mistake? Oh, no. No, no, no, no. No.

On purpose. Yes.

The only mistake I made around here

was waiting for that Professor Crumbs

to make me a member of the Wizard Council.

That's the only mistake. Uh-huh.

What does this have to do with Justin's class?

Justin. Oh. I'm tired of hearing about Justin,

and all those other "extraordinary" young wizards.

They're getting all the praise from Professor Crumbs

that should be going to me, me, me.

Oh, I wish there were an echo in here.

That would have been really dramatic, wouldn't it?

All right. That was a little kooky, so I'm just gonna get outta here.

H2 Russo!

[splashing]

Hey, what are you doing? Let me out of here.

Never! [echoing]

Told you it would be more dramatic with an echo, didn't I?

[chuckling] Make a note of that.

Thanks for helping us with all this.

I think it's going pretty well.

Yeah. Now we just need him to believe

he made all this stuff when he was a kid.

Guys, check it out. Hand turkey!

Oh! Very good!

Max, that looks exactly like the one

you made in second grade.

I know. Except my hand was a little smaller.

Um, actually, it wasn't.

See, all the Russo boys

were born with full-size hands.

Yeah. Some people are born with big heads.

But Russos are born with big hands.

- [Theresa laughing] - Really?

[scoffing] Yes! Your teachers,

they used to call you "Big Hand Max."

Oh, right. Now I remember.

OK, Big Hand Max.

Yeah, that's probably why I was so good at peek-a-boo, huh?

Peek-a-boo!

- Peek-a-boo! - [exclaiming]

I got ya, I got ya!

We're gonna be just fine.

Yeah.

We're sorry we let you down, Mr. Justin.

No, no, no. I let you guys down.

You're right. You let us down.

That's enough out of you, Nelvis.

[ringing]

Wand message.

It's from Alex.

Justin, it's me.

I found the delinquents' test results.

[Cragmont] What are you doing with those?!

- [Alex] Give me back my wand! - [busy signal]

That sounded like she was with Cragmont.

I think she's in trouble. We gotta help her.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Help her?

Have you forgotten how she let us down last time?

Mr. Justin, she is still your sister.

And she's pretty and she talks to me.

I don't care, I'm not helping her.

Yes, you are.

[yelling] Felix! Felix, put me down!

You put me down, Felix! Right now! That's an order!

[yelling] Felix! Felix, put me down!

- [door closing] - Justin!

Oh, there you are.

Where? Where is she? Turn me around.

Alex! How did you get in there?

- Felix, put him down. - [Justin] Whoa.

Cragmont put me in here when I found the test results.

All the delinquents passed!

[all cheering]

What?!

She said they all passed.

Then why did you tell Professor Crumbs they all failed?

Surprise! I'm evil. Ha, ha!

I may not look it, but boy, you get me steamed

I'm pretty evil. Come on, come on.

You need to let Alex out of there,

and tell Professor Crumbs that all of my delinquents passed.

Or else.

[mocking] Or else what?

People don't usually ask me that.

Uh-huh.

Well, Professor Crumbs said that one day

you'd end up in the museum as a statue,

and I guess today is that day.

So, rock, rock 'till you drop.

[gasping]

Guys, guys! I can't move, help me!

Let's stop the spell!

That's gonna be difficult without your wands.

Justin's turning into stone!

Well, who's next to join the Hall of Wizards as a statue?

Well, how about you, little fella?

You'd look awfully good on my lawn.

I still see you.

Somebody do something!

[loud vibrating]

[thunderclap]

Oh, boy. This is not good.

Felix, it's you.

What are you waiting for? Use that thing!

[loud vibrating noise]

- Felix, you did it! - Nice wand work!

Thunder has rung throughout the Wizard World.

Who removed the wand from the crystal ball?

It was Felix.

So...

you're the long lost descendant of the Great Wizard Renaldi.

[gasping]

Check it out.

Professor Crumbs bowed to me.

This is so awesome!

[Cragmont] Oh, great.

Another guy to call extraordinary.

Oh, boy.

Professor Crumbs, Cragmont lied

about them failing their final evaluations.

My class passed, Professor Crumbs.

I see. I was hoping Cragmont

would rise above his resentment,

but it seems it cannot be.

Perhaps it's time for a change.

[stammering] Oh, come on. For crying out loud, Crumbs.

Lighten up a little bit, huh?

Let's admit it, gang.

We had a little bit of fun here today, didn't we?

Let's call it a day. I'll see ya.

[yelling] Cragmont!

You're not going anywhere.

You're staying here where you can be useful,

as a wizard history book.

Ouch!

Congratulations, Justin Russo.

You have successfully guided your young group back to WizTech.

[all cheering]

Oh, man! Thank you, Mr. Justin.

I mean, you changed our lives forever. Especially mine.

I mean, now that I know I'm a Renaldi,

I should have no trouble getting girls.

Oh, Felix.

And for your excellent teaching, I am proud to announce

that you are officially back in your family wizard competition.

[all cheering]

Well, uh... Thank you for the help.

I probably couldn't have gotten back in without you.

Well, the competition wouldn't be any fun without you.

In that case, are you ready to lose?

Oh, bring it on.

I guess this is it, Mr. Justin.

How about we carry you out, for old time's sake, huh?

That does not sound fun in the slightest...

- Whoa! Come on! - Too late.

Wizzy! Wizzy! Wizzy!

[all] Oy! Oy! Oy!

Hey, kids. Congratulations on all of you

getting back into the wizard competition.

We have gifts for you.

We made scrapbooks

to celebrate your childhood memories.

Aww.

Everything that you've ever yelled at me about

in one convenient book. I'm so touched.

Hey, look.

It's a picture of me with poison ivy,

and the online comments of all the strangers who misdiagnosed me.

Aww, I love this scrapbook of all the things we did today.

You knew?

Well, since today was a complete waste,

I'm just gonna take this cereal necklace for my scrapbook.

Max, you knew we were trying

to recreate your memories from childhood?

Well, I didn't know at first,

but after you guys made up that whole "Big Hand Max" story,

it became pretty clear.

I thought it was really nice of you guys.

So, you're not mad that we didn't save any of your memories?

How could I be mad?

I saved everything on the top bunk of my bed. Look.

You guys didn't know?

I've got everything from my first Little League trophy,

to a collection of hair from all my haircuts.

Spaceship pinata filled with my baby teeth.

[rattling]

Why in the world would you save that?

Because, they're all my favorite memories.

Why do you have a jar full of water

with a carrot and coal?

That's my first snowman.

Now that is a good memory.

Wow, Max.

You're raising us to be pretty good parents.