All language subtitles for Wizards of Waverly Place_S03E26_Uncle Ernesto.en.cc

Where is Max?

I want to start
the meeting.

My money's on
"stuck in a well."

Why would Max
be stuck in a well?

Because I put
a well in his room.

[door opening, closing]

Guys, so sorry I'm late.

- I got stuck in a well.
- [chuckling]

And thank you to Alex,
I don't have to leave my room

to get a drink
of water anymore.

Alex, go up to your brother's
room and get rid of that well.

But save the water, 'cause
we need to make ice cubes.

OK. I'll save the wood, too,
so you can turn it into pulp
and make napkins.

Hey...
that is a great idea.

You get on that!

OK, tomorrow is
your mother's birthday.

Oh, do you guys give
her magical gifts?

You know Mom and magic.
Not a fan.

Great. I can give her
my "I hate magic" t-shirt.

Yeah, she'd probably like that.

There's this whole shelf
of magical gifts

Uncle Kelbo gave her and
she never even opened 'em.

Let me guess,
Alex opened them?

Kuh-ah-ah!

Alex does not
know about this shelf.

She thinks they're
educational toys.

And you are not gonna be
the one to tell her about it.

Don't worry.
I won't say anything.

Look, we don't have to worry
about Kelbo's gift this year,

because he's not
coming to dinner.

Uncle Kelbo's not
coming to dinner?

That's my gift to Mom.
I call it.

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Hey, Mom, here's a
little pre-birthday present.

Uncle Kelbo's not coming
to your birthday dinner.

Pretty good, huh? It's just
gonna be the six of us.

That's great, honey. It'll be
just like every other dinner,
right?

Do I get to cook it, too?

No, it's your birthday.
It should be special.

Why don't we invite over
all of your cousins?

They live so close
but we never get to see them.

No, no, no. No one from my
side of the family is visiting.

Can we at least
invite Uncle Ernesto?

Yeah, come on. He always has
awesome stories about his
travels all over the world.

His stories aren't that great.

I've got stories
from my travels.

Remember the time I almost
hit the rat on the Brooklyn
Bridge?

I was like... whoa!

I'll never forget that time
Uncle Ernesto took me to that
Mets game.

He caught a foul ball
and gave it to me.

That was like, ten years ago.

How about you get another story
about some grown-up that likes
you.

Ten years, Theresa.

I think they're old enough
to understand now.

Yeah, Mom, come on.
What is it?

Are you embarrassed of us?

If anyone needs me, I'll be
upstairs spearing things.

No, honey, I've numbed out
"embarrassed" long, long ago.

Then what is it, Mom?
We used to have so much fun

with Uncle Ernesto.

Yeah. That was before
your powers came in.

Remember the next time
he took you to a Mets game?

You guys used magic to make
every foul ball come straight
to you.

- [chuckles] Oh, yeah.
- After that, I can't risk
him finding out about magic.

Well... So, what, you're
just gonna ignore your brother
forever?

That actually sounds
like a good idea.

I've thought about having
Ernesto over so many times

but you guys are way too
careless with wizardry.

Well... OK, what about this:

What if we promised that
if Uncle Ernesto came over,

it would be
a magic-free evening?

I would love
to have Ernesto over,

but you guys can't go ten
minutes without using magic.

Mom, I've been holding
back using magic all day.

You don't think I want to
turn Justin's ugly shirt
into something uglier?

You don't think I want to
put a zipper on Alex's face?

- If you promise...
- We promise.

- Promise.
- Promise, promise.

Then I guess we can
have Ernesto over.

Yay for family.

Oh, Harper, you don't have to go
to such extremes for my birthday
cake.

I'd be just as happy
with a candle in a cupcake.

Well, let her
make the cake, honey.

Ooh, that would be good.

Harper, can you
make a honey cake?

I can put in whatever you want.

Making a birthday cake from
scratch is a Finkle family
tradition.

All right.
Wands are in the Lair.

The well is gone.
We are in a magic-free zone.

- Happy birthday, Mom.
- Thank you, mija.

This is gonna be
the best birthday ever.

Oh, I hope I didn't
just jinx it.

- [doorbell ringing]
- Oh, that's Uncle Ernesto.

OK, whatever you guys do,
do not use magic.

Yes, Justin, why don't
you say it louder?

- Hey!
- Hey!

How you doing? Nice to see you.
What's up, man?

- Hey, Theresa!
- Ernesto!

- Oh, you look great.
- I know!

And you still look
like you're 27 years old.

- I know!
- [chuckling]

You haven't changed, have you?

Has she told you how wildly
popular she was in high school?

[scoffing] Today? Not yet.

Well, I was wildly popular, too.

But am I the only one here?
Where's the rest of the family?

Oh, well, I got so excited
when I invited you and you
said you'd come

that I forgot to
invite anybody else.

- Jerry?
- Um...

Long time, no see, Ernesto.
How've you been?

Oh, terrific.
I've been terrific, actually.

I just came back from
a trip down to Mexico,

and while I was there,
I helped rescue
the President of Mexico's cat.

So... they gave me
the key to the country!

Wow!

Now we can get into Mexico,

even after it's closed,
and on the weekends.

All right. I was
just kidding about the key.

But I did save the President
of Mexico's cat, and in return,
he gave me a job.

Head of security.
For the cat.

Oh, so that would
make you a catsitter?

Alex...

You look wonderful.

You look like
a grown up young lady.

Aw. See, everybody?

It's possible to say
that without being sarcastic.

And, Justin! Look at you, man.

Pretty soon, you're gonna
be taller than me.

I already am taller
than you, Uncle Ernesto.

Well, if your mother's 27,
then I'm taller than you.

Now, I know it's
your mother's birthday

but I still got you guys
a little something-something.

Aw, thank you.
That's so sweet of you.

Hi. Hello. I'm Harper.

I live with the Russos.
Where's my little
something-something?

Oh... Harper, nice to meet you.

I'm sorry. If I knew you were
here, I would've brought you
chocolate fudge or something.

Oh. No worries.

Being forgotten is like an old,
comfortable pair of shoes.

Well, how about a giant
novelty key that I bought
in Times Square?

Ah! This is fine for now,
but now that you know I exist,

I expect something
better next time.

OK. Why don't we all
just sit down, relax,

and Alex and Justin
can open up their gifts.

You guys are
gonna love it.

It is a classic Latin American
game called Balero.

Ah. And if I'm not mistaken,
Balero is Spanish

for "something really
cool and expensive."

And I'm mistaken.

And for Theresa, I got our home
movies transferred to a DVD...

- [gasping]
- ...and our most precious
memories in a scrapbook.

Oh, Ernesto. It's wonderful.

Hey...

- Uncle Ernesto!
- Max.

Hey, I got you a gift.

It's those shoes you wanted
when you were little,

the ones with the
springs on the bottom.

Remember how you said you
wanted to jump to the moon?

Wow, thank you.

But, I don't really need those.
I've been to Mars.

- To Mars?
- Uh...

What he means to say is he's
been to a Mars-themed restaurant
in mid-town.

Yep. It's called T.J.I.,
you know... Mars.

Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.
I was just distracted by
this gift

that came for Mom
from Uncle Kelbo.

- Open it, Mom.
- Max, why don't you
get that out of here?

All right. I'll take it
down to the Lair.

Um... Lair?

Uh... He means fort.
We have a fort.

We built a fort.

Can someone go down and make
sure that Kelbo's gift

- gets into the fort?
- I'll go.

- I meant you.
- Yeah, you got it.

I'm just gonna go to the fort.

A fort sounds like fun, man.

I built a fort
once in the woods.

Yeah, it was so amazing that
the park rangers turned it into
a gift shop

where they sold mini
versions of that fort.

Well, I've slept outside
on our terrace.

In the rain.

Why would you do that?

In case I ran into someone
with a story like that,
so I could top it.

Topped.

All right, well,
let's go check out this fort.

No, no! We can't,
because we have to...

...move the furniture
like Theresa's always wanted.

- Happy birthday, honey.
- Oh, thank you! It's what I've
always wanted.

Uh... Ernesto,
could you give me a hand?

Yes, I can give you a hand.

Yeah, Jerry!
Go, do it!

You can move it!

Just kidding.
Topped.

Max! Max, we are trying to give
Mom a magic-free birthday.

Don't bring any of Uncle Kelbo's
crazy magic gift upstairs.

Fine, I'll put it on
the shelf with the others.

Others?

Did you just say that shelf
is full of crazy magic gifts?

Um, no. You said crazy magic
gifts. I just said shelf.

I can't believe it.
I never touched those!

Dad told me those
were educational toys. Max...

You knew about this and you
didn't open up the gifts?

When I first heard about
the shelf I was too short
to reach it,

so, naturally,
I forgot about it.

I'm trying to forget
about stuff I can't reach.

Leaves more room up here
for important stuff.

Oh, look. "Party in a Box."

Open the lid and turn any room
into an instant party.

Well, I am dying to do that.

What are you guys doing?

- You showed her the shelf,
didn't ya?
- Yup.

Forget about this, Alex.
We're supposed to be upstairs

having nothing to do with magic
and that's where we're going.

Yeah, but there's a whole
shelf of crazy magic gifts
nobody ever told me about.

And, ooh...

Look at this one.

This one sounds like
it's a time-traveling
pocket watch.

- You know you want it.
- No, I do not want it.

Why would I want that? We're not
supposed to be using magic

- so let's go. Come on!
- Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

Alex, that's not even how you do
it. Give it here. I'll show you.

Oooh. It's a magic
Swiss Shoulder Bag.

It has everything in it
you need to survive.

Just like a wizard
Swiss Army Knife.

Including...
a mini-magic wand.

It's just a toothpick.

- All right. We're opening
presents. Love it!
- Yes!

Here we go.

- Perfect.
- What?

It will complete my collection.

- Of what?
- Of things I have no idea what
they are.

Max, it's a toy chicken
in a box.

[clucking]

"Fu-chicken." A chicken
that tells the future.

Ask it a question about the
future and when it lays its
egg, the answer is inside.

Really? I'm gonna ask it if
I'll ever be able to pull off
skinny jeans.

Look, I'll answer that. No.

OK... Which one of us will
win the wizard competition?

I need to know if all this
"studying" is paying off.

[clucking]

Nicely done. Now we have to wait
for it to lay the answer egg.

You kidding me?
I don't have that kind of time.

Maybe I can squeeze it
out of him.

- [Max grunting]
- Here, wait! Wait!

Get the chicken!

Look! Look at this.

Uh... huh.

Please note:
Scaring the Fu-chicken

will cause it to lay
various breakfasts,
delaying the answer egg.

We need to go get that chicken
before it lays magic waffles
in front of Uncle Ernesto.

How did it lay the plate?

Whoa! Did the magic chicken
move all the furniture around?

- What?
- Uh...

Max calls Dad
"Magic Chicken."

Oh, uh, right. And I call him
"Boy Who Should Stop Talking."

What's going on?

There's gifts from Uncle Kelbo
we weren't supposed to open,

but we did, Mom hates magic,
there's a magic chicken,

if you see waffles,
don't ask where they came from,
just enjoy them.

Wait, people are eating
waffles? I made cake.

Aw. Look at you guys, picking up
right where you left off.

- Happy birthday, Mom.
- It was all Alex's idea,
you know, inviting you.

Uh... Now, now. Come on.

I'm not one to take
credit... or blame.

Let's just say that this
was everybody's idea, OK?

You'll want to remember
that for later.

- Hey! Magic chicken!
- [clucking]

Hey, Jerry,
your son's calling you.

What? Oh, right.

We do love our
nicknames in this family.

[chuckling] Don't we,
"What Should We Do Now?"

Yep. That's my nickname.

My nickname is: "I'm Sorry, Mom,
and Remember I'm the Good One,
Usually the Victim."

That's kind of long,
isn't it?

Hey, let's watch go watch some
home movies in our new living
area,

or as I believe they're
called now the "great room."

Oh, no. No movies. New plan.

We, we act them out. I'll be
Mom, Justin, you're Ernesto.

And you are Grandma Maggie.
Go!

OK... OK.
Um, I'm Grandma Maggie.

Here's the story of my
bicycle tour across America.

Why is there a chicken
on the terrace?

Well, off the record,
the chicken is gonna lay an egg

that's gonna tell us who's gonna
win the wizard competition.

Now, on the record,
I don't... what chicken?

OK, look...

...someone found
a chicken on the street

and then brought it
into the house.

We can explain that. And lots of
people raise their own chickens

so they don't have
to pay for eggs, or...

[clucking]

...or plates of waffles
with fruit salad?!

- We can't explain that!
- OK, I'll get rid of it.

Yes, you will. And, wrap up
the waffles in some foil.

You can just toss
the fruit salad.

- Uh...
- And then I forgot which state
was downhill.

OK, "Boy Who Should
Stop Talking,"

go wash up on the terrace
with "What Should We Do Now"

and "I'm Usually The Victim."

- Grab the chicken. Get it!
- [clucking]

- Get it, Alex!
- [groaning]

He still hasn't laid
the answer egg.

Must be waiting right there
in his chicken butt.

OK, I have an idea. Max, why
don't you distract the chicken,

- and I'll catch it in this box.
- But that's Dad's good box.

That's the box he was gonna
use to store his favorite
paper bags.

Justin, we have to do
something to save Mom's
"no-magic birthday."

[sighing] All right, Max.
Distract the chicken.

Do your "distract the chicken"
dance.

[sighing]
Thought you'd never ask.

[clucking]

- [Justin] Alex!
- Oh, right. Sorry.

That was so good
you distracted me.

- [clucking]
- OK, I got it. I got it.

Put it in.

Magic chicken problem solved.

Now, let's get in there and
act like nothing's going on.

Or...

Or Max could stay here and watch
it and wait for it to lay the
answer egg.

[clucking]

All right. Fine.

- All right.
- [clucking]

- Boo!
- [clucking]

Ah, my favorite.
Body-temperature oatmeal.

Oh, look at us.
We are so cute!

Look how much fun
they're having.

Aren't you glad we
didn't ruin it for them?

Yep, got it all under control.

It's not like your bag
is glowing or anything.

I know. My bag is glowing.

- OK! I'm here to help!
- Uh...

Um... where did he come from?

- Uh, this is...
- Our superintendant.

He has keys to all the
apartments and lets himself
in whenever he wants.

Yes, Cliff,
thank you for coming.

The toilet is backed up.
Let me show you where it is.

- [clucking]
- Hey!

Get back here, magic chicken.

- I got him! I...
- [clucking]

Chicken? I hate chickens.
Get it away from me.

[whimpering]

Hello, Cliff.

Yeah, I don't think this
is the kind of birthday party

your mom was
looking for, Alex.

Relax. At least I didn't
open the "Party in a Box."

- I...
- [dance music playing]

All right. What's going on?

Where did all that
come from?

It's a surprise
birthday party for me!

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

Everybody, surprise! Surprise.

[all] Surprise!

They are always surprising me.

Everywhere I look,
there's always a surprise.

Alex, why don't you come outside
onto the terrace with me,

so I can thank you
for the surprise.

Oh, no thank you, Mom. Whatever
you need to say, you can say
in front of the witnesses.

What is going on in there?

If you would have told me that
my birthday reunion with Ernesto

was gonna be a three-ring,
dance party, chicken-squawking,
elf circus,

I would've said,
"Uh... no thanks."

I'm sorry, Mom.

I didn't mean for
all this to happen.

You never mean it, do you, Alex?
Yet it always happens.

I should have known better
than to trust you.

Mom, I know how much
you've sacrificed for us.

[police siren wailing]

I just wanted you to give you
a special birthday with
Uncle Ernesto.

Then Uncle Kelbo sent a
magic chicken that tells
the future.

It was too tempting.

Yeah. Magic is always too
tempting for you, isn't it?

- [door slamming]
- And I had to lie to my own
brother about what's going on.

Which is exactly what
I was trying to avoid
in the first place.

I'm sorry, Mom!

What... What happened
to the party?

I had to use the
police siren chirp spell.

[mimicking police siren]
Everyone scattered.

Where's Ernesto?

He didn't see you
use magic, did he?

No, no. He left
during the chaos.

But, he did have that look on
his face that most people get

when they're with us
more than an hour.

So it's official. He hates us,
or he's confused by us, or both.

Got it! The magic chicken
finally laid the answer egg.

Now we can find out who wins
the wizard competition.

I'll take that.

Alex...?

[disposal churning]

What'd you do that for?!

It's my lame attempt
at showing Mom

that we can make
sacrifices for her, too.

Well, now we're never
gonna find out who wins
the wizard competition.

How about right after we
have the wizard competition?

I trust the chicken more.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I appreciate the
sacrifice, Alex.

Whoo! Cake's ready! Yay!

Harper, things are
still tense.

Thank you for making
the cake, Harper.

It's beautiful
and it looks delicious.

Oh, no... we don't eat it.

The Finkle tradition is that
you make a cake from scratch,

then use rolling pins to smash
it, together as a family.

It's the one time a year
we let out our frustrations.

And I think the cake
is ready just in time.

No one hit me in the face,
I'm goin' in.

Let the cake-smushing begin
on the count of three. One...

All right. Everybody smush!

- Whoo!
- [giggling]

- Yeah!
- Smush!

That's great!

- [knocking at door]
- [doorbell ringing]

[sighing]

Ernesto? You came back!

Of course, I came back.
It turned into a party,
so I brought...

[gasping, screaming]

Francisco, Angel, Rosa,
and the twins!

[squealing] Oh, I can't
believe you're here!

Hey, what happened to the party?

You're making me look bad
in front of my family.

Uh... Well, I don't
want to lie to you.

The police showed up
and everybody scattered.

- I...
- [sighing]

I've thrown great
parties like that before.

It happens when
you're wildly popular.

- Well...
- You've got great timing.

We were just about to sing happy
birthday to the smushed cake.

OK, great, but let's do it
like our family does it.

Yeah.

All right, gather 'round.

And three, two, one...

[all singing in Spanish]

- Did you make a wish?
- I don't have to.

It's already come true.

[singing in Spanish continues]

- Hey, guys!
- [gasping]

- Uncle Ernesto!
- I can explain.

No need to explain.
I know what this room is.

It's Max's fort.

I always suspected it.

All right, everybody out.
You heard Uncle Ernesto.

It's my fort.

Max, this is an amazing fort.

Almost as amazing as mine.

But not so amazing that they
would build a gift shop

where they would sell miniature
versions of it.

I'd love to use magic to make
this a real-sized fort.

- [together] Max!
- [grunting]

- I bet you would, Max.
- Yeah.

That's how amazing this fort is.

When people see it,
they wish they had magic.