Original subtitles

I have big news, everybody.

Anything about Alien Language League is neither big nor news,

so why don't we just start over and say,

"Hey, everybody, I have something really boring to say."

As part of my quest to experience

everything possible during my senior year...

Max, hit the little "record" button there...

[clears throat]

I have joined the basketball team.

Big news, not boring!

He is the first member of the Alien Language League

to ever make an organized sports team.

Try and make fun of that!

You just did.

If you want that thing to pop, stay where the money is.

- Max, come on! - What? Oh.

Honey, are you sure you made the team?

Yeah. Um, what did the coach say?

'Cause sometimes "thank you" really means "you can go now."

Yeah, I made the team.

- They only cut one guy. - But I'm cool with it.

They want to keep me on the yell squad

where I can make a larger contribution to team morale.

Coach's words, not mine.

Alex, you're a cheerleader now.

We should come up with a cheer for Justin.

Oh, my gosh, yes! Let's go. Yeah!

- Give me an "R"! - R!

- Give me a "U"! - U!

Oh, she's gonna spell "Russo"!

Give me a... "Kidding me?!"

- Kidding me! - Hey!

Don't worry, Justin. First awesome moment

of your senior year video has been... recorded.

That's it. We're hiring someone else to play her in the video.

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

[cheering and yelling]

Ready? OK!

One cent, two cents, three cents, a dollar!

- All for the Turkeys... - Stand up and wobble!

Did Alex just say "wobble"?

- Let's do it. - OK.

- We're wobbling! - Whoa-ho-ho! Hey!

It's not "wobble", it's "gobble".

Ooh, makin' fun of the mascot. Not cool.

You're right. We're ashamed.

But we didn't know. I mean, this is our first game. Our...

[playing up-tempo music]

Ready? OK!

Come on, crowd! Yell real loud!

- Let's go Turkeys! - [Alex] Let's eat turkeys!

[laughs] See what I did there?

I was supposed to say, "Go Turkeys"

but I said "eat."

That's just great. I gave a megaphone to a mega-mouth!

Ms. Russo, the role of the cheerleader,

much like that of the rodeo clown,

is to keep the crowd engaged during dangerous, dangerous activities,

not to mock them.

Oh, no, Mr. Laritate, I'm not mocking the crowd.

No, I'm mocking the team.

Where do you get the idea that all of this is funny?

So, who are you taking to the homecoming dance?

My TV. Guess what I'm wearing? My couch.

Alex, all the cheerleaders are required to go.

It's all we've been talking about at practice.

That, and how on Earth you made the squad.

Gobble, gobble, gobble!

Well, if I have to go, I mean, how about George?

- He's kinda cute. - [music stops]

- You like the conductor of the pep band? - [ball through basket]

Score, score! We want more!

He's the conductor?

I thought he was just pointing at people and making fun of them.

"You have no talent. You look ridiculous."

Ah, well, he's still cute.

Hi, George!

Hi... Hi, Mom, Dad.

Waving at your parents? Good cover.

You know what also helps if people are ignoring you?

Just a generic thumbs-up and a salute.

He's not ignoring me, he's playing games.

Game over.

Dribble it, pass it! We want a basket!

Hey, Mom, Dad, I have another really funny cheer for you guys.

Listen, we're making it look like we're reprimanding you,

for the sake of the other parents...

- But we really love your cheers. - Yeah.

Well, I wonder if anyone else would like to hear it.

Oh, hey, you, you might get a kick out of this.

Ready?

Dribble it, pass it, We want a casket.

- What'd you think? - I'm sorry, I'm a little busy here.

Oh, yeah, no, me too, I'm cheerleading.

I'm Alex Russo. You probably know me, I'm your...

[playing up-tempo music]

Honey, it's not personal. He does it to everyone.

[buzzer sounds]

Here you go, guys. Nice pick, nice pick. Way to roll.

Good screen setting and way to play the perimeter, guys. The perimeter's key.

Did you get that?

What? Did I get what?

I handed water to our leading scorer.

I saw that!

Great assist, Justin, great assist.

I don't understand this game.

Max, this video is boring. All you got is me sitting on the bench.

That's all you did, Justin.

Don't worry, honey, listen,

you did a great job at the end of the bench.

That's how we knew where the team stopped and the audience started.

Hey, is that from today's game?

All right, Alex, go ahead and make your jokes

about me getting bench butt from sitting on the bench all game.

All right, Alex, I'm recording.

Do some of your bench butt jokes.

Give me that.

George ignored me the whole game,

but I really think he was checking me out.

Hey, wait!

He talked to Mom and Dad.

It looks like he's asking permission to take you to the dance.

Um, I'm sorry, honey.

We thought your cheers were hysterical

but, um, he didn't.

Well, what did he say?

Well, he said they were, um... How do I put this nicely?

Annoying.

See? He wanted it to get back to me

so that I'd think he doesn't like me,

but that means he likes me even more.

It is so obvious! [scoffs]

He is like an elf to my flame.

Don't you mean like a moth to your flame?

Nope. I don't like moths. They fly like they're broken.

Hi, George! Great job leading the band at the game.

Yeah, OK, Alex, whatever.

And there it is.

Acting like you don't appreciate a compliment from me.

Come on, George, let's just cut to the chase.

There's a homecoming dance coming up and we might as well just go together.

Nah, I don't think so.

[chuckles] I see.

More games, I get it.

Well, here's a game for you.

I'm gonna pretend that I don't like you because I really do like you.

Now you know. Game over.

Look, Alex, I see you around

always acting like you're too cool to enjoy anything.

Ah, so you have noticed me.

Yeah, you're a cheerleader, but you're all negative about it.

You're more like, uh, like a boo-leader.

Wait!

Wait, wait. Harper, Harper,

tell George that I am not that negative about everything.

Are you asking me to lie to a fellow member of the pep community?

Thanks, Harper.

[sighs] Come on, you guys. OK, yes, fine.

I may have not been that up with people in the past,

but I can cheerlead for real

because being a positive, supportive, upbeat person

is what makes the world go round and that's who I am!

[whispers] Shh! It's Scare People Wednesday.

[clears throat]

Boo!

You're not gonna scare anybody with your stupid videos.

Oh, is it Stupid Wednesday again?

Maybe we should've tried it on someone easier.

- Yeah. Oh, it's that skinny kid. - [gasps]

There's no way you're going to the dance with me, is there?

I'm walking away. You're just mean.

Well, two negatives make a positive.

- And who's being negative now? - Still you.

Oh, you weren't really asking.

Well, it's Scare People Wednesday.

Boo! [screaming]

Look, Alex, George is a Happy. You're a Maddy.

Happies and Maddies just don't get along.

Well, I get along with you and you're a Happy.

Oh, dear, only on the outside. That's why we work.

If I'm gonna get George to take me to the dance,

I'm gonna have to be more positive

and there's only one way I'm gonna do that.

A complete change in perspective?

[mocking chuckle] Oh, you're so cute.

You think people can change. No.

I'm gonna need a spell.

Let's see... Ah! And here it is.

This is a magical marker.

Oh, Alex, I can do that. This is a magical fish.

This is a magical spoon. This is a magical spider...

- Oh! It's a real spider! - [hisses]

Harper, this is a magical marker.

All I have to do is write, "be positive" on my arm.

"Positive."

[marker clatters]

Oh, Harper, you're such a wonderful person who I'm lucky to have as a friend.

Wait a minute, are you pretending?

How would you feel if I made you a visor made of bread?

[gasps] With a matching bagel purse?

Mom, I don't understand why I'm shooting this.

I mean, I've already got Justin sitting on the bench.

Yeah, but you don't have Justin sitting on the bench

while I'm trying to get his attention.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, check it out. There's some guy trying to eat popcorn off the floor.

Dad.

What? Five second rule, it's still good.

Um, there's a hair on this one.

Is there a rule on that?

If you have to ask if there's a rule, there's probably a rule.

- All right, Turkeys! - [gobbling]

- [cheering] - Turkeys number one!

Yeah!

Go Turkeys!

Nice spirit, Alex. George is gonna love this.

Ready? OK!

We are Tribeca Turkeys, feathered and blue!

The mighty, mighty Turkeys will beat the stuffing out of you!

- Whoo! - Go Turkeys!

[girl] Come on! Come on, Turkeys!

[overlapping cheers]

Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, Nelly!

It looks like I've broke a wild mustang

and turned you into a pleasant, yet spirited, turkey.

Spirit!

Yeah!

There's not a student I can't get through to.

Mr. Laritate, he's really great.

I even think he's lost some weight.

Thanks.

I can't find the key to my snack drawer.

Wow! Alex, you're totally into it

and you're being nice to people?

- I was wrong about you. - Oh, that's OK. I'm not the type to hold a grudge.

So, you still want to go to the homecoming dance?

Yes!

Sorry, couch and TV.

You're gonna have to get along without me.

Yay!

Life is so good.

I'm going to the homecoming dance with George.

- Yay! - Yay!

I've always wanted to do this happy-yay jump with you.

[all] Yay!

OK, I'm just gonna say out loud what we're all thinking:

Alex is under a spell.

What are we gonna do about it?

Well, she's being a positive, upbeat member of society.

All right, then. We'll do nothing.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome the Tribeca Prep Turkeys!

Ready? OK!

Here come the Turkeys.

Justin's got the water.

They can't win without him.

So let's applaud her.

Hey, when in doubt, flip out, right?

Check out the clock, check out the score!

We are the Turkeys and we'll show you the door.

Whoo!

I wish they would put Justin in.

- We're really far ahead. - [buzzer sounds]

Substitution:

In for Tribeca Prep, Justin Russo.

Uh...

Don't worry, we're really far ahead.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh!

Justin's finally getting the moment he's been waiting for!

I'm so happy for him!

Happy enough to do the happy-yay jump?

- Oh, my gosh, yes! - [both] Yay!

[cheering]

Oh, my gosh! I get to finally do my Justin cheer.

OK. Ready? OK!

Justin's so funny, Justin's so cute.

Who could've guessed he could even shoot?

Whoo! Go Justin! Go Justin!

Oh, my gosh, that was so awesome.

- Yay! - Yay!

[cheering]

Way to go, Justin, way to go!

Way to go, Justin, way to go!

Way to go, Justin, way to go!

- [playing up-tempo music] - Way to go, Justin, way to go!

Way to go... [cheering]

Thanks to Justin Russo,

Tribeca Prep is way, way ahead.

[buzzer sounds]

And that's the end of the third quarter.

Yay! Go Justin!

Your cheering is really helping the team.

And so is your music. We're the perfect couple.

I can't wait for the homecoming dance.

We're gonna be together forever.

Here, I'm open, I'm boxin'.

I'm boxin' out.

Someone set me a pick. Set me a pick.

- I'm going. Oh, yeah. - [cheering]

Whoo!

Gobble up those Wombats, spit them out!

Let a mongoose eat them with sauerkraut!

[overlapping cheers]

That wasn't very positive.

I mean, how do you think the Wombats feel?

We're cheerleaders for the Turkeys.

That doesn't mean we can't be positive for everyone.

I'm positive that that's a bad idea.

We should cheer for both teams.

Hey, cheer associates, you're all doing super

but how about we spread that spirit and cheer for both teams?

That's a great idea.

No, it is not.

[scoffs] I just love cheering.

[mouths] Sit down! Sit!

[whistle tweets]

Oh! No time to quibble,

I saw a Turkey double dribble.

- [whistle tweets] - Yeah!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

[both] Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

[cheering]

Come on, George, play for the Wombats.

- What are you doing? - I'm being positive.

And by being positive we have to cheer for both teams.

- No, we don't. - Come on, band!

- Here we go, Wombats, here we go! - [playing in tune]

[Alex] Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

[band playing up-tempo music]

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

- Here we go, Wombats... - Stop playing!

You're rousing the opposing team with your musical stings.

It's time to play defense!

- Defense! Come on, defense! - Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

- Defense! Defense! - Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Here we go, Wombats, here we go!

Defense! Defense!

We're from Down Under. We got that Wombat thunder!

Whoo!

- [Alex] Whoo! - I don't believe this. The Wombats are winning.

[gasps] See what we did? Cheering uplifts everyone.

Well, try and uplift this:

I'm not going to the dance with you.

Well, I totally respect your decision,

and even if we don't go together it'll be so much fun.

I can hardly wait. [chuckles]

- What is wrong with you? - [buzzer sounds]

- And the Wombats win. - Yay!

- Thank you, Ms. Russo. - Anytime. Anytime.

In this case "thank you" means "you can go now."

As a matter of fact, you can all go now.

Until further notice, pep band and cheerleaders

are banned from all sporting events.

- What?! - That's OK!

Aww, it was fun while it lasted, right, guys?

- [crowd] Boo! - Oh, you are boo-tiful! I love you!

And cheer rest.

And I'm done with you.

This is too much positivity, even for me.

Oh, look, we're going on a walk.

Aww, look at my best friend helping me wash up.

- You're so sweet. - This is really hard to get off.

But, look, you're trying so hard... Ow!

Harper, what are you doing? That's freezing!

Oh! Welcome back.

I just love it when you reject my hugs! Come here!

Get off! Stop.

- Why is there stuff on my face? - I didn't do anything!

- Did you put my hair in pigtails? - I didn't!

We lost the game, but still, what an awesome senior year moment.

And I'll have it recorded for the rest of my life.

- That's right. Let's check it out. - Let's check it out.

- Here we go. - [crowd cheering]

Mom? Dad? Earwax?

- What happened?! - I was trying to make it a little more interesting.

You know what's interesting? Four three-pointers in a row.

Yeah, but, when is that ever gonna happen?

It happened!

What? It happened? When?

Someone should have videotaped that.

[grumbling]