All language subtitles for Wizards of Waverly Place_S03E03_Monster Hunter.en.cc

OK. What I'm about to attempt
is the very advanced,

not for everyone,
don't try this at home...

...Thin Man spell.

Great. It's a spell that will
make Justin thin and a man.

[all chuckling]

A man...

Sorry.

I'm just happy someone made
a weight joke

and it wasn't about me.

OK. Here we go.

[inhales and exhales]

Hair frizzy,
don't have a tizzy,
thin Lizzy.

[laughs] Sweet!

- [alarm blares]
- [laughs]

Is this a part of the spell?

No, it's not.
Hello, Russos.

I hope you remember me, because
I bothered to remember you.

I am here to congratulate
Justin Russo.

He just mastered
his 5000th spell,

marking end
to his wizard studies.

Go ahead. Celebrate.
Let it all out.

I did it. I'm done.
[chuckles]

Now put it back in,

because I have 30 more of these
I have to do today.

I can't believe
you're done.

It feels like just yesterday
you were turning a brick
into a rabbit.

Edgebono-utoosis.

[both] Oh!

Sir, sir?

How many spells have
I successfully completed?

Oh, we don't like
to keep track of numbers.

Two hundred.
Give or take a hundred.

So, a hundred.

Yes!

So then, I guess this party
is for me, too.

I'm so proud of you,
Justin.

You know, go get a piece
of pie, any pie you want,

from the pie fridge.

- You earned it, son.
- Awesome.

I've completed
my entire wizard studies

and I'm getting
a slice of pie.

Hold on a second.

With the completion
of your basic wizard studies,

you now move on to the next
step in becoming a wizard.

- Independent study.
- Ooh!

Nice going, Justin.

You finished school just
to be rewarded with more school.

Mr. Stuffleby,
what sort of independent study
did you have in mind?

I could go on and on
and on but, frankly,

my lips are getting
a bit tired.

But off the record,
they're so far behind,

you might as well be competing
with that chair.

Whoops!
No offense, chair.

[both laugh]

- Now, that was a good one.
- Yeah.

It was.

Hey, this competition's
not over yet.

Don't count out me and Max.

Yeah, I'm smarter than
that chair.

I take its money
all the time.

Take that, chair.

Well, don't count out me.

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Hey.

So I decided on what independent
study course I'm gonna take.

It's a course called,
"Ha, ha. I'm beating you
in the wizard competition."

That was a good one.

Just kidding,
in all seriousness,

the course is called
monster hunting.

Oh, great. Then you can round up
all your ex-girlfriends.

Oh! [laughs]

Now get out of here.

I'm trying to find a way to
catch up on my wizard lessons.

Why bother?
You know, if I were you,

I'd figure out ways
to look good in a hair net.

Whoo! [laughs]

I am on fire.

Alex, I think he just called you
a hairy lunch lady.

Dude, aren't you just a little
worried that Justin might beat
us in the wizard competition?

Alex, I'm worried about
a lot of things.

This might be
as tall as I get.

Look, what are we gonna do
to beat him?

I'm not telling you.

Harper.

- I need help with my studying.
- Ah-ha!

That's what you're doing.

I'm not doing that.

When you called and said
something about studying,

I thought you were being held
against your will and forced
to say crazy stuff.

No, no. I really need help
on my wizard lessons,

and so I can catch up
to Justin.

Catch up to Justin?

Well, then you need
to change who you are.

You're gonna need to do
what Justin does.

Harper, I've spent
my entire life ignoring him.

I don't know what he does.

Hey, then I can help you.

There's no bigger expert
on Justin than me.

He and I used to go out
just a little bit.

- No, you didn't.
- Can't you go along with it?

I'm trying to help you.

Fine. OK, fine.
Tell me what he does.

OK, Justin is always learning.

He's constantly
quizzing himself.

For example, when you
think he's texting,

he's really sending spells
to himself to memorize.

I knew he wasn't that popular.

[humming]

Hey. Whatcha doing?

Studying.

OK. Right. [laughs]

Yes! My monster hunting kit
came in the wizard mail.

You chose monster hunting
as your independent study?

That's fantastic.
It's so exciting and dangerous.

And, oh, gosh.
I'm so proud of you.

You got a homing beacon!

Yup. They sent everything.

A monster detector, a manual
that lists all known monsters.

Oh, and some sort of illuminated
communication device.

Hello.

I think that's
a flashlight, Dad.

Then why am I
speaking into it?

Ooh!

Here.

[gasps] They sent
the monster bait.

- [grunts]
- Wow.

You know, I think you're
suppose to put that bait

on this giant key ring.

Dad, that's a sparkly,
spinning hoop.

Oh...

[chuckles] Hey.

- Dad?
- Yes.

[clears throat] OK, so,
according to the monster manual,

the local monster
holding cells are located

at Grand Central Station.

[grunts, laughs]

Look how they spelled
"station."

That is how you
spell station, Dad.

Oh, look, wanted posters.

OK, uh... Ooh.

Look at this cute little guy.
It's a Dirksen.

He'd be an excellent
first target.

Here he is. A Dirksen.

Disguises himself as a common
household pet.

- Mm-hm.
- When cornered,
triples in size,

trapping its prey,
squeezing its farts out.

[grunts]

Whose farts?

He's killing you, Justin.

- Does it really matter
whose farts it is?
- Well, yeah.

Um, maybe we should start
with the level one monster.

OK. OK, here we go.

A Fakeahorseus.
This looks like an easy one.

A cowardly monster, good,
whose only tools for survival

are sarcasm and complaining.
[laughs]

You can catch that.

- I mean, you grew up with Alex.
- Yes.

You're going down, Fakeahorseus.
I'm gonna go lay some bait.

You are a lucky kid.
Monster hunting.

It's adventurous and dangerous
and you're out there...

- You can't go, Dad.
- But why?!

Because you thought this was
a communication device...

...and this was a key ring.

It's just... How could you even
fit that in your pocket?

It's just not logical.

I'm gonna go get my keys.

Well, Justin'll be out
monster hunting all day,

so we'll use his room
to learn how he learns.

Check it out. He reads himself
to sleep with a spell book,

and his mp3 player
is full of spells.

[Justin singing to the tune
of Yankee Doodle]

♪ Pine nuts, basil, dragon toes
are how you make a potion ♪

♪ When someone drinks it
they will turn into a... ♪

Yeah, OK, no,
we're done with that.

He's even designed his room
to help him learn spells.
Try the fridge.

- [beeps]
- [Justin's voice]
To open the fridge,

recite a spell that
changes hot into cold.

- I don't know that spell.
- OK, try to turn on this lamp.

OK.

- [beeps]
- [Justin's voice]
Here's a bright idea.

[clears throat] If you want
the lamp to come on,

create a ball of light.

If I could create
a ball of light,

I wouldn't need
to turn the lamp on.

Harper, I don't know
any of this.

You've got to give it
a chance, Alex.

You've blown stuff off
for fifteen years,

it's not gonna just change
in two minutes.

[humming]

Are you even listening to me?

Yes, yes. No, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

It's just, can't get
that song out of my head.

♪ Pine nuts, basil, dragon toes
are how you make a potion ♪

It's really annoying but...
very catchy.

See, it does work. You can't
get it out of your head.

All right, Alex.

The gloves are off when it
comes to the wizard competition.
I'm taking it.

Well, take it somewhere else
because I'm studying in here.

What's the use?
We're not gonna win.

What we need to do
is sabotage Justin.

Sabotage, huh?

What would Justin do?

Sorry, Max.
You're on your own.

But if I was going to,
which I'm not...

- [clears throat]
- ...I'd probably start by...

Studying.

I'm sorry, Max.
I can't help you.

Look at you, letting your
conscience be your guide.

Well, what am I
supposed to do?

Well... Do what I just did.
I have a conscience,

and I'm letting it be my guide.

Whatever.

Let my conscience be my guide?
What's that supposed to mean?

Hmm.

Guide, guide, tour guide.

Ha! Here we go!
Conscience guide.

Read all instructions
before reciting spell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Boom! My inner thoughts
of right and wrong...

...come out, come out
where you belong.

[both scream]

- Who the heck are you?
- I'm your conscience.

Uh-oh. Maybe I didn't
do that right.

So, you're my conscience?

This isn't what I meant to do.
You gotta get out of here.

Well, I wouldn't even be here
if you would have read
the instructions.

Instructions are for cheaters.

You were supposed to say this
spell in front of a mirror.

Then your reflection would
become your conscience.

And I wouldn't be out here.

How come you don't
look like me?

I'm what you look like
to other people.

Oh, my gosh.

I guess I have to admit it now.
I don't have a mustache.

But I do like you.
I'm gonna call you Roy.

Don't call me Roy. I'm not Roy.
I'm your conscience.

Listen, Roy, I need ideas on how
to sabotage my brother Justin

so he doesn't win
the wizard competition.

Do you really think sabotaging
Justin is a good idea?

I just said it was.

If you want to be my servant,
you gotta do what I say.

I'm not your servant.
I'm your conscience.

I help you decide
right from wrong.

I know what the difference is,
I just like to choose wrong.

So, let's hear some
sabotage ideas.

Look, if you're gonna do
bad stuff to your brother,

then you're no different...

...than the monsters
in this book.

Hmm?

That's what we should do.

We bring all the monsters
in this manual to life.

That way Justin will never
be able to capture them

and he'll fail his
independent study.

But if you did that,
the city would be
overrun with monsters.

Agreed.
Then that's what we'll do.

I'm trying to tell you
it'll be a lot of trouble
for a lot of people.

Dude, I'm with you.
We are doing it.

It's just gonna cause problems.

For Justin.
It's perfect.

OK, I give up.

- Do whatever you want.
- OK.

Hot monsters in the city,
run a-wild, what a pity.

[cackling]

You just released the most
horrible monsters into New York.

You happy?

I think so.
It feels pretty good.

"Feels pretty good."
Well, when they come back here

and eat your face off,
I don't want to hear it.

- They're not coming back here.
- They could.

They're loose in the city.
That's what I was telling you.

Roy, you have gotta be
more clear next time.

- This is totally your fault.
- Mine? You cast the spell.

Look, when something bad
happens, you blame
whoever you're with.

That's how this family works.

Well, you're kind of
blaming yourself.

OK, well, then let's go
blame Alex.

Look, if anyone asks,
your name is Darren.

I don't want them to know
who you really are. OK, Roy?

[beeping rapidly]

[gasps]

[clears throat]

- [clicks off]
- [beeping stops]

[clears throat]

Excuse me, sir.

Do you have the time?

- Yeah, it's about...
- Caught ya, Fakeahorseus.

Whoop-de-doo.
You caught a level one monster.

- When's the parade?
- Come on.

Let's go.

[beeping]

Another monster?

Well, looks like your stable's
about to get another...

...roommate that's not so...

...stable.

[beeping]

Another monster?

What's going on?

Oh, my gosh.
They're everywhere.

[She'll Be Coming 'Round The
Mountain] ♪ I am singing this
whole song to learn a spell ♪

♪ Learn a spell ♪

- ♪ This is the thing
Justin does so well ♪
- ♪ Does so well ♪

♪ When I'm in a jam and need
to scram, I cast a spell
called "Jackie Chan" ♪

♪ I'm singing this whole song
and I learn spells ♪

♪ When I need something
that's far away ♪

♪ I cast a spell called... ♪

[off rhythm] ♪ "Grow legs
and come my way"

♪ It comes in handy
if you're lazy, which you are ♪

♪ And sometimes mean
to your best friend
you don't even care ♪

♪ Or thank me for
the things I do, like... ♪

Harper?

Is everything OK?

Oh, you mean 'cause
it didn't rhyme?

I'll work on that.

Alex, you are in
a load of trouble.

I took your advice and let
my conscience be my guide.

- That's good.
- Here's my conscience, Gordon.

- He stinks as a guide.
- What are you talking about?

Oh, he's talking about
the monsters

he released into the city
to sabotage Justin.

Monsters all over the city?

Well, I'll see you in P.E.!

Max, I can't believe you would
do something this stupid.

Alex, I think we all believe I
could do something this stupid.

[sighs] We gotta go save Justin.

OK.

Max, what is that?

It's a volleyball net.
If we get a monster game

of Red Rover going,
we can capture them all.

And if they're nice,
we can play some volleyball.

Get rid of it and let's go.

I'm serious, my monster detector
is lit up like a Christmas tree.

It's as if I'm surrounded
by monsters,

but I don't see any.

- [growls]
- [shudders]

- [growls]
- [whimpers]

[cawing]

OK, so I see them.

- Quick question.
- [hissing]

What are they all doing here?!

[muttering]

I told you guys
not to bring that.

- Justin!
- [growling, hissing]

We need a distraction

so we can get
Justin out of there.

- OK, you want us
to break dance?
- Oh, yeah.

[both muttering]

[cheering]

[growling]

[screams]

Would you knock it off!

Alex, quick, use a spell!
[screams]

What do I do?

- Ready?
- Here we go.

- Whoa, bring it back.
- Whoa!

I'm a little busy right now.

[gasping]

Hold on. Hold on.
I can do this.

♪ When I need something
that's far away ♪

♪ Sprout some legs
and go where I say ♪

Leg-and-feet-a-run-a-meet-a.

[cawing, growling]

Train in vain,
go to Spain.

[train whistles]

You did it!

Thank you.
You saved me.

- We all did.
- [scoffs] No, we didn't.

- Why are you saying that?
- Why are you still here?

- Who the heck is that guy?
- That is Max's conscience.

Max was messing around
with magic

and brought his conscience and
all of those monsters to life.

They totally interrupted
my studying, and I had
to come down here and fix it.

Oh, my gosh. Listen to me,
I'm turning into you.

And you can't stand it,
can you?

No, actually,
I'm OK with it.

- You want to know why?
- Why?

Because I'm this much closer
to catching up to you

- in the wizard competition.
- [chuckles] Great.

I accept that challenge.

[grunting]

Max, what are you doing?

I'm wrestling
with my conscience.

[inaudible]

Moises, we just wanted
to say how happy we are

to have you on the show
and we were wondering
if we could get a picture.

- Oh, sure. Of course.
- Oh, great,
here's the camera.

Wait, you want me
to take the picture of you?

Sure, we do this with
all our guest stars.
Check out the photo album.

But, this is just
the same exact picture.

Uh-huh, I know.
Yeah.

No, see this one was
taken by Jeff Garlin.

And this one was taken
by Misty May-Treanor.

[all] Aw!

And then, this one
is taken by Dwayne Johnson.

Really? You sure about that?

Yeah, you can see his finger
in the shot a little bit.

- And it's huge. So...
- Yes.

All right, come on, picture!
Let's go!

[inaudible]

Smile.

[camera clicks]

- Yay! Thanks. 'Kay, bye.
- Thanks. OK, bye.

Hey, Moisés, would you like
to play with some props, maybe?