All language subtitles for Wizards of Waverly Place_S03E02_Halloween.en.cc

One, two, three, four.

I declare thumb war.

Come on, lefty.
Grab his hang nail.

Grab his hang nail. Ow!

[laughs] Cheater.

[Theresa] Alex!

I hope you unloaded the
dishwasher like I told you to.

Shoot. I, I did!
[chuckles]

Alex, you know how I feel
about you using magic
in the house!

Mom, you know how I feel
about the dishwasher.

When we need a dish,
we could just take it out.

And then when we're done,
put it back in.

And how would we know
which ones are clean
and which ones are dirty?

[scoffs] You smell them.

Like your father
does with his shirts?

You two are disgusting.

This is going to be
the best Halloween yet.

I've got a great idea
for our haunted house.

[groans] Stop calling it
a haunted house.

It's not even scary.

You just do stupid skits
about making bad choices.

OK. An amusement attraction
that teaches people lessons

about the gravity of life's
decisions isn't stupid.

Justin, you're a wizard.
You could make the scariest
haunted house of all time.

Exactly. That's why
this year's theme is:

"Peer Pressure:
When Good People
Make Bad Choices."

So I got a whole room where
people are playing video games
instead of doing homework.

Then you get
pressured into playing.

Then we quickly act out
how your life is gonna go.

Video games. No homework.
Flunk out. Beach hobo.

Oh, I do love the beach.

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

- OK Dad, are you ready?
- Yes.

Now remember,
you're an eight year-old boy

and it's your first time
in the Worst-Case-Scenario
Scare House.

Here's a balloon to help you
stay in character.

Oh, can I have a red one?

You're an eight year-old boy,
you take what you get. Now, go.

- But...
- Take it!

OK. I see by the clock
that it's past my bedtime,

- and I haven't done
my homework...
- And cue Harper.

Hey, kid. How about you
blow off your homework,

stay up late
and play a video game with us?

What are you, scared?

Ooh!

And then I jump out
from behind you, ha,

with fake blood
dripping down my pumpkin head.

[scoffs] Everybody knows that
pumpkins don't have blood, Max.

Yes! What do you think
they make the pies out of?

- The inside stuff!
- Halloween...

...is not about pumpkins
or blood or pies.

It's about life lessons.

Hello?

[groans]

I'm Mr. Evans of
the Waverly Place
Merchant's Association.

As you know,
the Waverly Place Halloween Fair

- is a very important
event tonight.
- [Jerry] Mm-hmm.

Frankly, your haunted house has
been a disappointment since...

Forever.

The Association took a vote

and we're taking away
your haunted house

unless you make it
scarier this year.

You know, normally I wouldn't
agree with people in ties,

but Dave's got a point.

You can't just take it
away from us.

Dad. Someone in a position
of authority has spoken.

No sense in fighting it.
Pack it up, Harper.

Looks like tonight we're
doing a scary movie marathon.

Hold on. Wait.
You guys can't just give up.

All Mr. Evans says is that
he wants the haunted house
to be scarier.

Yes, much scarier.

Like with ghosts and goblins

and other things
out of this world?

Out of this world. Exactly.

Rebel Russo here gets it.

Jerry, this is your last shot
at the haunted house.

Unless you make it scary,
you're done.

[snaps fingers]

OK, all right, good save.
I'll give you that.

But how are we going
to do something that's
out of this world?

- [door closes]
- Hmm. I don't know.

Let's have a family meeting
in our out of this world place.

Dad! The lair.

How can you guys not get
what I was hinting at?

I used air quotes
around the words

"out of this world"?

Is that what that was?

I thought that was
the Teen Wolf dance.

You know, the...

[howling]

- Ignore him?
- [all] Yes.

Look, guys, I called this
family meeting to talk
about the haunted house.

It can't be a family meeting
without Mom.

Who's gonna defend me when
I try and take minutes?

"2:10, Alex breaks pencil."

Look, I was the one
shooting my mouth off

about how the haunted house
needs to be scarier.

Then some dude with a tie
agreed with me.

So here's what
we're gonna do.

We're gonna use magic
to make it scary.

If we're gonna use magic,
then Mom cannot know about it.

- That's why she's not here.
- I noticed that, but I didn't
want to say anything.

You know what? Normally I say
no to the sneaky use of magic.

But we could lose
the haunted house.

Oh! I know! OK.
We can use magic
to shrink the people down

so that when they come in,
we'll be like giants
trying to squish them.

OK.

We'll use magic
on the haunted house. Good.

But how are we gonna
keep from actually
squishing the people?

We're not.
That's what makes it scary.

But your mom can't find out
that we're using magic.

OK, well...
[gasps]

What about we get
road kill and...

No.

We can have a bleached
cow skull that has, like...

No.

At least let Harper and I

go to the Ghost District
in the wizard world

and get some real ghosts.

Ghosts? I like it.

But not too scary.

Fine. But just so you know,

mildly scary ghosts leads to
a mildly scary haunted house.

It's not gonna be
mildly scary,

because we are gonna decorate
the Sub Station really scary.

[Dad] Come on! Whoo!

Wow, who knew the ghost world
was right underneath
the cemetery?

That didn't take
long at all.

Yep. Just as long as it takes
to dig up a grave and jump.

What are all these ghosts
doing here?

- Oh, they're training
for Halloween.
- [knocking]

[British accent] Trick or treat,
my dear.

[blows whistle] My dear?!
That's not the voice of someone

trying to get enough candy in
one night to last a whole year.

Try it again.

Candy's all ghosts can eat.

Oh, no wonder they're so pale.

Yeah. That and
the dead part, so...

[mouthing] Oh.

What do I do, Coach?

I got my head in one hand
and a pillowcase in the other.

Use your head, Doug.

OK, Coach.

Ow, ow, ow.

- Ow, ow, ow.
- [banging continues]

Watch me scare a ghost.

- Hello!
- [screams]

[screams]

- [screams]
- [shrieks]

- [Alex laughs]
- Human alert!

Everyone pretend you're alive.

Oh, relax, relax.
I'm a wizard.

[sighs]

We're looking for ghosts
who are scary, but not too scary
for our haunted house.

I've got just what you need.

Wally! Frank! Miss Chenowith!
Fall in!

Miss Chenowith knits
with her own bony fingers.

You want me to knit you
a nice sweater?

- You're hired.
- Yes!

Nice day. Forecast calls for...

Brain!

That terrible joke was scary.
You're hired.

What about you, captain?
What do you got?

I tell scary sea lore.

About sharks that
eat ships and...

Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm not feeling you.

What about that
creepy guy over there?

Oh... [stammers]
You don't want Mantooth.

He's too scary.

Mantooth? That sounds familiar.

Excuse me, um...

Did you use to haunt
little kids while they slept?

Hey, I'm a boogieman.

I haunt kids.

I scare babysitters.

I throw shadows down the end
of dark hallways.

Maybe you've seen my work?

[screams]

He was the best.

He scared this one kid
well into his teens.

The kid would just hold up
his action figure and say,

"Captain Jim Bob, protect me!
Captain Jim Bob, protect me!"

Oh my gosh, you're talking about
my brother, Justin Russo.

Crybaby Russo? I put
that kid on my résumé!

Dude! You're like my hero!

Oh, you have to
come back with us.

Justin will freak out.

Yeah, I do this crazy thing
with my face

that had him diving
for the light switch.

- Wanna see it?
- [screams]

I'm not doing it yet.

Alex, we can't take him with us.

That's exactly the kind
of "too scary"
we were told not to do.

- No offense.
- None taken.

I'm dead.
It's what I live for.

Fine. All right, we'll take
bony fingers, skull guy,
and story dude.

That reminds me
of a scary story.

There I was in a hot tub,

the elastics
on me swim trunks broke.

Can we just go, please?
Go!

All right, Daddy.
I got what you ordered.

Ghosts you can
bring home to Mom. Guys?

Whoa. They look pretty good.

Not too scary.

You know, I never understood
why they bury people
with nice things.

It's such a waste.

Ahh, do you have
the correct time?

Mom!

So, who do we have here?

Mom, these are some people

from the youth club place,

who are here to help us
actually with our haunted house.

Yeah. They are...

...going to pretend
to be ghosts.

Well, I wanna join
the youth club place.
Do you guys have a pool?

Wow, you look so ghosty.

We'll definitely be able
to keep our haunted house
with this crew.

Come on,
let's see you scare me.

Um...

Why don't you
take the crystal ball

and tell her
her fortune?

Sorry, I have no muscles
or ligaments.

A pleasure to...
brain you.

Sorry.

Interesting.

It was a dark
and stormy night.

I was getting a check up
at the doctor's office.

They had run out of toys
at the reception desk,

so I had to settle
for a sticker.

Hold on, hold on.

This is it?

These are our scary ghosts?

Yeah?

Excuse me.

You know, I normally
wouldn't condone this,

but you might need to...

...use a little...

[whispers] ...magic...

...to come up with
some scarier ghosts.

Save your breath, Mom.
I've been telling them this
the whole time.

Mom, these are real ghosts
from the wizard world.

What?

So you went to the wizard world
to get some scary ghosts

and this was the best
you could do?

I know. I had to follow orders
and get these losers.

I was hoping for a guy
with saws for hands, but no.

Who gave you these orders?

I can't hold it.
She's gonna find out
about the family meeting.

- [gasps]
- [Peter] Justin,

don't worry.

I'm the father of this family,
and I will handle this.

Alex called a family meeting
without you.

Dad hides cookies
in his bathrobe!

- We all know that, honey.
- Oh!

Look, normally I wouldn't
be OK with this, but we need a
scary haunted house in an hour.

An hour?! [groans]

I should have taken
the earrings.

You gotta go back to
the wizard world and
get us some scarier ghosts.

You know what'll
cheer everybody up?

- Justin, give me a beat.
- No.

Good enough.

[howling]

Look, this is a matter
of family pride, people,

and we all know we haven't
had that in a while.

Max, stop dancing.

Mom. Mom, I've got it!
All this dancing
just gave me an idea.

- Oh, here we go.
- Shh. Everybody. Everyone.

- Let's see where this goes.
- Thank you, Dad.

Look, I've got a ghost costume
that'll blow away those frauds.
Check it out.

[glass shatters]

And it didn't go
anywhere good.

You need to get
some scary ghosts.

Oh, good idea.
Should've thought
of that one on my own.

So... does everybody like?

Dad! We sent Alex
to the Ghost World
to save the day again.

- What were we thinking?
- I'm thinking I should've
made this with air holes.

This thing is hot.

Evans is gonna be here
any minute, guys.

We're gonna
have to do it ourselves.

OK, Dad, you're the
scary fortune teller.
Mom, hide behind that statue.

Harper, you lead the groups.
Max, you're the ghost
who jumps out at people.

Yes.

Let's scare those kids,
Ricky.

What? I named my mustache.

Hey.

Where is everybody?

I need more ghosts.

I need a pair of queens.

And they can be
really scary this time.

Do you have a ghost
with saws for hands?

We're dead. We're not freaks.

Everyone's gone.
It's Halloween.

They all went to the real world
to get candy.

Don't look at me.
I have a massive headache.

I hope it's nothing serious.

Oh, come on, Doug.

You're horrific
and you are hired.

Mantooth!

Hey, I'm back.

Check it out.
Someone left a bowl with
a sign on it that said,

"Just take one."

So, I did.

OK, you're coming with me.

I need you to do
that thing with your face.

Justin's just gonna
have to man up.

No, no, no! Not that way.

I have to get some earrings.
For my friend.

I can't climb holding my head.

Oh, gimme that.

- [thud]
- [Doug] Ow.

Now I have something in my eye.
Go on ahead.

[dramatically] Welcome
to the Waverly Sub Station

House of Horrors.

Hey, good. We're off
to a good start.

I like how you said,
"House of Horrors" all funny.

Thank you. Hey, kid,
you getting all this?

Follow me!

Welcome to the creepy
Sub Station.

Whoo!

Welcome.
[evil laugh]

I know, I see it.

I see something
in your future.

Something... frightening.

[evil laugh]

OK, you're a hobo
on the back of a clown,

looking at a head of lettuce.

Jerry, I see something
in your future, too,

and it is also frightening.

It is you bagging kettle corn
at next year's
Halloween festival.

[sarcastic evil laugh]

Geez, tough crowd.

Follow me!

And follow me, kiddies,
to the Haunted Cemetery.

Let's see what's behind
this creepy tombstone.

I said, "Tombstone!"

Boo! I got you, babe.

I'm Cher.

Uh-huh. Fail!

Boo! I'm the ghost
of mustaches past!

And a talking tablecloth.
I'm trembling.

Let's go.

Hey! Hey, kids!

You wanna hear the sound
a skeleton makes when it's cold?

[teeth chattering]

Wouldn't that be better
with a skull mask?

That impairs my vision.
I could trip and fall.

[whispers] Don't tell the kids.

This is so lame.
Come on, come on.

Hey, guys, I got
something really scary.

Oh, look.

The rebel Russo's wearing
a shirt that says, "Costume."

It's so cool not to try,
isn't it?

Thank you for noticing.
I think you'll enjoy this.
Mantooth?

- Mantooth?
- [Mantooth laughs eerily]

Mr. Evans, watch this.
You're gonna freak out.

What are you doing here?

I'm not here to hide
under your bed.

I'm here to save
your haunted house.

But he turns his face into this
horrendous demon and...

...pops out these
vicious claws and grabs you

- while shrieking in your ears.
- That's exactly what we need.

Well, is he gonna do it
or isn't he?!

[ominous laughter]

Boogaly, boogaly,
boogaly, ha!

Captain Jim Bob,
protect me!

Oh, I should have known.

Your incredibly scary ghost
turns out to be...

Fingerhole eye guy.

I don't know how much more
of this horror I can take.
Let's go.

That's not scary enough
for you?

I've got a scarier face.

Want to see it?

Yes. Do it.

[creepy laughter]

- Boogaly, boogaly, boogaly...
- Not that thing.

They all start that way.

Boogaly, boogaly,
boogaly, boogaly...

- [roars]
- [kids shrieking]

You're all sick,
you're sick people!

This haunted house
is closed forever.

Wait a minute! You said you
wanted scary, we gave you scary!

Yes. Kids want to be scared,
not scarred for life.

You're done. I'll see you in
the kettle corn stand next year.

You know what's
great about this?

Even though we failed,

we failed together.

You know, we all had
a little hand in this blow up.

And I am so, so grateful
that I got to contribute.

I mean, I'm proud.

You know what?
Alex is right.

I'm proud of us, too.

I mean, look at this place.
We did this.

Quick family meeting.

We never send Alex
to do anything ever again.
All in favor?

[all] Aye.

Let's go get some candy.

- All right, what ya got?
- I got...

...this watch
that doesn't work...

...two earrings,

and a picture of a dog
in a frame.

Mmm. I'll trade you
this necklace,

a ring, and a glass eye
for the picture of the dog.

Done.

[sighs] I love Halloween.