Original subtitles

[roaring on TV]

[both gasping]

Frankenstein vs. Snakes 3D

is the best monster vs. snakes movie ever.

It's the best movie ever because we stole it out of Justin's room.

[both laugh]

Hey, Alex, check it out. Justin's in 3D, too.

Oh, so ugly. It's like right in front of me.

Those are my 3D glasses. That is my rare copy of Frankenstein vs. Snakes.

Off. And, hey! Those are my wheat-free breadsticks!

Now, I don't have a snack that's not gonna slow me down.

You're always sneaking in my room and taking stuff, and I'm sick of it.

And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna Alex-proof my room.

Again? Well, go ahead.

Your door of flames worked out great for me. Watching your eyebrows smoke?

Hilarious.

Ooh, this is so great. I don't know whose side to be on.

- I pick Alex. - I'm not worried about it.

You'll come to my side as soon as you hear something you like.

- No, I won't. - Want to be my lab assistant while I Alex-proof my room?

Assistant? I am switching sides!

- What? - Sorry, Alex.

I might get to wear a lab coat.

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Get the brain from the wizard brain store?

Yes, I did, master. Yes, I did.

What's with the weird Yoda impression?

- Give me the brain. - Fine.

You know, I got a great deal on it.

And I had enough wizard money left to get me

this cool key chain that has my name on it.

That says "Dan."

Yeah, I know. But if you move it really fast, it looks like Max.

Max! Dude...

This isn't the brain, it's hamburger meat.

OK, so I didn't get such a great deal on the key chain.

It cost all the money you gave me.

Go stand guard in the hall while I figure this out, Max.

Yeah. But it's gonna take me a while to figure out

the flashlight on this thing. Oh, there it is. Got it.

[drill whirring]

Max, get in here!

Yo! Justin, check it out.

I found this raisin by the mouse hole. Wanna split it?

Wait a second. That might be poop.

I've done it. I've done it!

I've created something that will keep Alex out of my room.

For good. I give you...

...FrankenGirl!

We just need a small electrical charge to bring her to life. Hand me those circus balloons.

- These? - Yes.

The blue one.

Thank you.

Not enough electricity.

I know a spell.

OK.

We need electricity and a lot

Give me 1.21 gigawatts

[gasping] That's good!

Enough electricity.

Buggle!

She's alive!

She's alive!

She's alive!

I have melded magic with technology to create life!

Your name is FrankenGirl.

Your mission in life is to capture Alex

when she enters my room.

As you wish. That is my mission.

Perfect.

Cool key chain.

[moaning]

Hey, you want a raisin?

Poop.

Good!

We need to make a list of extracurriculars for you.

They look good on college applications.

Well, does sneaking into Justin's room look good on an application?

If you're applying to prison.

- How'd it go? - Not good. I don't know what we're gonna do with her.

Ooh, I know what you could do with her.

Buy her a mini-fridge and send her to her room.

We could take the old nightstand and put ice in the drawers. And then...

She has to go to college and move out. She has to.

Um... Alex, honey, I think what your mother is trying to explain

is that your graduation day is gonna be a day that we all celebrate

for different reasons and in different ways.

OK. Good talk.

- Jerry! - No. You know what?

I was gonna surprise you guys, but since you're all on my back

about my extracurr-ackulars, I will just... I will just tell you.

I joined Book Club.

And I finished Book Club.

Are you sure you didn't mean Comic Book Club?

Yeah. No, no. They even gave me an award for reading the most books.

You understand that I'm proud of you,

and you also understand because you're you, I'm gonna need proof.

Of course, Daddy. One award, coming up.

All right. I need an award, so let's go to Justin's room.

Hey, Alex, I'm on your side again. Justin insulted me.

He got all mad because I got hamburger meat for his monster's brains.

An Alex-proofing monster with a meatloaf brain?

Come on!

- Let's just get the trophy and get out of here. - Don't worry.

We'll take care of the monster first.

Where would a monster with meat for brains hide?

Over here!

[screaming]

[continues screaming]

- [grunting] - [screaming]

Sorry, Alex. I faint when I'm scared,

but I'm also scared of fainting, so then I wake up.

[growling] I capture Alex in Justin's room!

[screaming]

Sounds like my monster trap has sprung.

Nice, dude. I'm on your side now.

- Weren't you always on my side? - Up until that question.

- [screaming] - Harper, do not look at the monster.

- You'll faint again. - OK. OK. I'm just gonna keep my eyes shut,

keep looking for the trophy and let's get out of here.

[grunting]

- I found the trophy! - Harper, that's not the trophy.

That's the meatloaf brain that Max...

Wait a minute.

If that's in there... what's in there?

I don't know what you're looking at. My eyes are closed.

I have motherboard 60840 for brain.

He put his old laptop in there.

So your brain thinks like a computer?

[grunting]

OK. I'm gonna take that as a yes. Um...

Can you just give me one second? OK. Psst.

Come here.

What's that thing you do to quit something on a computer?

Oh! You hit the control, alt and delete keys.

Right. Uh, hey, FrankenGirl.

Since you kind of have us trapped in here, we're sort of, like, totally under your...

- Control? - Yes.

Now, here's a little brainteaser for you.

What's a delicious ice cream drink without an "M"?

[grunts]

Alt?

I was gonna say, "Ilkshake."

And now, I'd like you to say the word "delete."

Delete. That wasn't so...

- Wait a minute. - [beeping, machinery winding down]

Thank you very much.

This will work as a Book Club trophy. Let's get out of here.

A-ha!

No!

Nice Alex-proofing, Justin.

But it looks like I finished Book Club.

I am on your side now. What can I say?

I love a winner.

OK, Alex. It's payback time.

You want to come in my room and take things? Well, here you go.

Bring FrankenGirl back to alive

You're Alex's BFF and that's no jive

Hey, nanny nanny Ha cha cha

[beeping]

[growling]

Best friend forever.

- Take that, Alex. - Nice try, Justin.

Say, "Control, alt, delete."

Control. Alt. Delete.

A-ha. You know the "Hey, nanny nanny, ha cha cha" part?

- That was a spell lock. - [FrankenGirl laughs]

We need to make friendship totally stronger. Let's share secrets.

Mine is that I'm a chocoholic.

I love it, but it goes straight to my forehead.

- Now, you go. - OK, here's mine.

This ain't really working out for me.

Slumber party!

[FrankenGirl laughing]

We're good BFFs. Let's share secrets.

[laughing] This arm belonged to a seamstress.

[laughing]

Good morning, Alex. You guys look adorable.

Dude, I am definitely on your side.

No thanks, dude. You can't keep switching sides. You're done.

All right. Fine. Then I'm on Alex's side.

No, no, no. You're not on my side either.

What? No side? No, I can't be side-less.

- I gotta find a side. - Keep walking, shorty. [laughs]

Well, come on, Alex. It's time to go to school.

OK. Well, FrankenGirl, go upstairs and get our sweaters.

- Not the matching ones. - [chuckles]

No. I see what you're doing. You're using the sweater delay

so you don't bring FrankenGirl to school. After I leave, you'll just stay here.

It'll work because you can't bear to be late for school.

I thought you might think of that. Mom! Dad! Come down from upstairs!

Come on, everybody. Gonna be late.

It's Manhattan Walk Your Child to School Day.

There's no such thing as Manhattan Walk Your Child to School Day.

Yes, there is. Justin showed us on his laptop.

And if it's on a computer, it's gotta be true. Let's go!

OK. We better hurry up because I walk fast! Go!

Alex, wait up.

Nicely played, Justin, but look around.

I am in school and there's no FrankenGirl.

- [FrankenGirl growling] - Nice try, Justin.

Make the little "grrr" noises to freak me out.

Oh, gosh!

You forgot your sweater. [laughs]

Revenge is so... cozy.

How did you find out what school I go to?

Funny story. I got list of all schools in New York.

But then I realized, with my luck,

you would be in last school I looked in,

so I just went to last school. [laughs]

[crashing]

- [laughing] - [laughing]

That was nice.

Miss Russo, Max tells me you have a new friend.

I'm on his side now.

Right, um...

She's actually a new student. And her name is Frankie Stein.

- [laughing] - Frankie Stein.

That's a grip that could hogtie a steer.

Funny.

The office didn't mention any new students.

This isn't one of your schemes, is it, Miss Russo?

See, this is the part where I pretend I don't know what schemes means.

And then you pull out a dictionary and make me look it up.

And... Let's just go to your office.

Friend of Alex is friend of mine.

Let's share secrets. [laughs]

OK.

[whispering] I don't have a college degree.

Whoo!

That sure lightened the spiritual load.

Thanks. Shh...

Wow! Nice save.

Destruction of property, getting me out of trouble.

I've got a secret. I like you.

But don't tell Justin. Wait.

- We should tell Justin. - [laughs]

Hey, Justin, check this out. In biology class,

when they passed out frogs for us to dissect, she ate it.

[laughs] Good.

How embarrassing for you. You got an F.

No, it was hilarious. I mean, I was gonna get an F, anyway.

I had mine on a stick, dancing.

[laughing]

Oh. The nerd store called and they want your face back.

[both laughing]

Of course. I make her your BFF,

she's gonna make fun of me, too. Great.

Yep. Looks like your revenge...

...revunged.

Oh, come on. "Revunged?"

Look it up.

[laughing]

Hey, guys. Hey.

Since it's all, um, working out here,

here's something that looks like it would be fun.

- Cheerleading tryouts. - Yeah, well, good luck with that, Justin.

I'm sure you'll look great in a skirt.

[both laughing]

Hey, hey. Let's go wreck stuff that's too high for me to reach.

Alex doesn't think cheerleading's cool

Make FrankenGirl a cheerleading fool

Alex, I want to go to cheerleader tryouts.

Good idea. Let's go make fun of them.

No! No. I want to be cheerleader.

Yeah, and I wanna graduate in four years, but it's not gonna happen.

No! I want to be cheerleader!

[grunting] I want to be cheerleader!

And if I may...

You know what's even better than being a cheerleader, FrankenGirl?

Being a cheerleader with your friend. Now, that is total BFF stuff.

Come on, Alex. We be cheerleaders together.

I think you're the real monster.

- Harper? - Alex? [screams]

Ah!

[panting] What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here? - I asked you first.

- OK, I'm a cheerleader. - I'm your best friend.

How could I not know that you were a cheerleader?

Let's see. You've never been to an assembly or a basketball game.

The only time you're here after school is when you have to be here,

if you know what I'm trying to say.

Detention. There, I said it.

I am so hurt that you would keep this from me.

Friends aren't supposed to keep secrets.

Oh! [whispers] Wizard.

Wow! Wow, someone's not ever gonna let that one go, are they?

Well, I think it's great that you're a cheerleader.

Because you can keep FrankenGirl busy

- while I sneak out. - OK, ladies.

Miss Sauberman and I are here to judge this year's prize heifers.

Sorry. Some of these western phrases don't translate so well.

Miss Russo, you're trying out for cheerleading?

Not exactly the extracurricular I'd expect from you.

Oh, but she's gonna do it. Isn't that right, Frankie?

[laughing]

- Aw! - OK, Justin. You win.

I won't sneak into your room again and take anything.

I actually believe you.

But you're still gonna try out. Mr. Laritate, she's ready!

Harper, get the girls ready.

All right, buddy up!

[FrankenGirl laughing]

[cheering]

All right. So this is some of your basic steps. Now, let's do this.

Ready? OK!

- [dance music plays] - [Harper] One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight!

[gobbling] Go Turkeys!

- [girl yelling] - [screaming]

Oh!

- Ouch! - She's cut.

And... spirit!

Well, Justin, I don't know how you did it, but it's true.

You got Alex to join an extracurricular.

As soon as she found out her best friends were doing it, she couldn't say no.

Oh, you really are the perfect son.

- Here's some cash for snacks. - I love you.

[announcer] A big hand for what's left of our J.V. Cheer Squad!

Harper Finkel!

- [cheering] - Yeah! Whoo!

Ow! Yeah!

New transfer student, Frankie Stein!

[cheering]

And... Alex Russo?

- [cheering] - Yeah!

[Justin] That's my sister!

Let's just get this over with, OK?

[dance music plays]

[cheering]

- [grunting] - Here we go again.

- [Alex screaming] - [crashing]

[laughing]

[Alex] I might be a little late to algebra.