Original subtitles

- Juliet! - Oh, hi! How's it going?

I'm glad you're here. I wanted to ask you something.

Um... Will you, uh...

Will you go to prom with me?

Oh... [chuckles] Justin, that... that's sweet.

But I'm... I'm a vampire,

and I've been alive for a long time,

so I've been to way too many proms.

How many?

Well... Five hundred twenty-three.

- Oh. - Yeah.

That's, um... a sizable number.

You see, the thing about prom is people always expect too much

and they're always let down.

[scoffs] Not this time.

Guess what our theme is? Best Night Ever.

There you go.

It's like one prom I went to, the theme was Starry Night.

- I was there with this guy, Galileo. - The astronomer?

- Is there another one? - I think there might be a rapper.

- Oh, no. That's Lil' Galileo. - Oh, yeah.

Juliet, if you go to the prom with me,

I will find a way to make it special.

I prom-ise.

OK. I'll go.

You won me over with your goofy play on words.

People underestimate the power of goofy.

Yes.

Harper, it's prom season!

And this year's theme is Best Night Ever. Awesome.

Oh, my gosh. I'm excited, too!

Sometimes I stifle my excitement in front of you,

'cause you're rarely ever excited like this! Wait.

Why are you excited about prom?

I'm not. Look...

I'm excited about you and me planning the anti-prom.

I knew it. I was excited about the wrong thing.

Harper, look, for anti-prom we're gonna go with a zombie theme.

Zombies move really slow, but they're also scary.

Slow but scary is the perfect combination in a monster...

...and a prom.

[no audible dialogue]

Do you think Zeke would go with me?

[no audible dialogue]

You like Zeke?

Yeah.

I think he likes me, too.

I slipped and fell in the cafeteria

and he stepped around me like a gentleman.

Why don't you go ask him?

Hey, Zeke...

We're planning zombie prom on the same night as regular prom.

Oh! I love zombies.

It's weird, though. Their slowness actually makes them scarier.

I was wondering if maybe you would like to...

...be on the committee to plan zombie prom?

And maybe after we plan it, we could...

...be on the clean-up committee.

And in between the planning and cleaning,

we might as well...

...stop by and make sure everyone's having a good time.

Are you asking me...

...to be on three committees?

Change my name to Extracurricular Man! Oh!

I totally chickened out.

Yeah, but the good news is, you're dressed like a chicken.

These are penguins.

Oh... that's funny.

'Cause you said...

You said chicken,

but you're wearing penguins and...

Birds.

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

And that is why wands are not supposed to be kept in back pockets.

Yes. Thank you, Dad.

This baby's going in my front pocket this time.

[wand breaks]

Oh! Wizard mail's here.

There's a, uh, package for Max.

And it's not from himself.

You finally learned where to put the return address.

[feigns a laugh]

Hey, I've been chosen to help trial test

a new wizard gadget called the No Fear Ring.

Yeah, they, uh, want to see if this thing makes me fearless,

and then give them feedback.

Dude, you don't even know what the word feedback means.

Feedback. They want me to throw up.

Yeah. I know how to sound out words.

Besides, I don't care. They're gonna pay me for it.

I'll just, uh, sign this permission slip

and have them send the check to me.

You know, to pay for the new wand I'm about to buy.

And that, too.

Hey, Dad. Guys, I need to get the word out about zombie prom.

Zombie prom?

Juliet and I will be at Best Night Ever with all the normal people.

Yes. The wizard-slash-vampire couple should definitely go to the normal people prom.

- Have fun with that. - We will.

What are you going to call zombie prom,

A Night to Dis-member?

That's actually not bad idea. Thank you, Justin.

No, no, no. You can't use that. That was a burn.

It's in the burn rule book...

...that's in that bookshelf.

[scoffs]

So, Max, will you hand these out at school for me?

I don't know about that, Alex.

I mean I'm getting paid for this No Fear Ring thing.

So... you should probably pay me for this.

You mean, you'll have money so you should pay me for letting you do it?

- Is that what I meant? - That's what you said.

OK, then. Oh, but can I pay you after I hand them out?

[scoffs] I should charge you extra for that. But I won't.

Thank you. Just got to finish up, uh,

filling out this permission slip.

[humming]

That permission slip seemed surprisingly heavy.

Mail's here.

Zombie prom?

- I'm not going. - [grunts]

Last prom I lost an arm.

I love to dance.

Come on, we never do anything fun anymore.

Fine, I'll go.

But I'm not dancing.

All right, think, Zeke.

I gotta make this prom special for Juliet.

- She's been to tons of them. - Juliet's been to lots of proms?

Yeah.

Because she already... graduated.

Ah, an older lady?

Way to go, buddy.

Hey, you know what they say about older ladies?

What?

They like to eat dinner at 4:00 and they get amazing discounts.

OK. OK, I got it. Maybe...

...I'll get up on stage with the DJ, right?

And I'll serenade Juliet in front of everyone.

Then, wait, wait, wait...

When the tears are welling up in her eyes,

I'll ask her to go steady.

Yeah, serenade?

[robotic voice] "Danger. Danger. Will Robinson."

Here's what you do.

Pick her up in a horse-drawn carriage.

Girls love alternative means of transportation.

- Huh? - Dude!

- Juliet, hey. - Hi.

Hey, OK. I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna take you to prom...

...in a horse-drawn carriage.

Every time I've gone to prom in a horse-drawn carriage,

we've ended up having to walk home.

Why, 'cause the horses run away?

Oh, they try.

But I'm too fast for them. Then it's lights out, horsy.

But, you really don't need to do anything special for prom.

- It's OK. - OK, fine.

No horse-drawn carriage.

But I'm still gonna serenade you.

Oh, that's pretty good.

- No one's ever done that before, Justin. - I knew it.

I know nothing about women.

Oh, but hey, so I can't wait to dig up my parents and tell them.

Zeke, there's only one thing that will make zombie prom fun for me.

Would you...

...design a decorative coffin table for snacks?

Snack committee? Yeah!

Open the lid, get the dip. I'm on it.

Alex, I did it again. I panicked and completely bailed.

Yeah, ya did.

I think I can help you with your fear. Hang on.

Hey, Max.

Good job bussing that table. High five.

It feels good to be appreciated.

Yeah, don't get used to it.

Here, put this on. I borrowed it from Max.

It's a magic No Fear Ring.

No Fear Ring? I'm a little scared.

Yeah. Until you put it on.

It goes with what you're wearing.

It does, doesn't it?

But, don't show anybody.

Max doesn't even know I took it off his finger.

You'd make an amazing pick-pocket.

Hey. It's not a skill I'm proud of.

Yes, it is. It totally comes in handy.

Ah! Which reminds me... Here is your coin purse back.

Sorry.

Zeke. Zombie prom.

Me, you, on a date. Let's do this thing!

- Totally! - Walk with me.

And keep telling me things you love about me.

Well, ladybugs are awesome on you.

And you walk fast, that's cool.

Wow.

[Justin singing off-key] ♪Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi♪

♪I...♪ [clears throat]

♪ I, I, I... ♪ Aw, man. [clears throat]

Me, me, me, me? I, I, I, I?

Wow. Self-centered much?

I'm doing vocal exercises,

so I can serenade Juliet tonight.

Singing? In front of all those people?

Who do you think you are, Lil' Galileo?

No. I can actually sing. Lil' Galileo? Fast talker.

That's it. That's all he's got.

No, I know you can sing.

I'm just saying,

do you really want to do it in front of all those people,

staring right up at you?

Waving their cell phone cameras. Taking your picture.

Putting it on the Internet

for people to see over and over and over again?

so people can watch it for years and years and years.

No, it's gonna, it's gonna be great,

because after that,

I'm going to ask her to go steady with me.

Go steady? Whose prom are you going to? Grandpa's?

Going steady is romantic.

If you find hysterical laughter romantic, then you're good.

- I'm not nervous, Alex. - Oh, I didn't ask, but thank you.

Max, where's the ring, dude? I need to borrow it tonight.

Fine, but this thing doesn't even work.

I don't feel the least bit different.

What?! Where's the ring?

Oh. Maybe that's why I don't feel different.

- Hmm... - Max, where's the ring?

I won't have the nerve to serenade Juliet tonight without that ring.

And how in the world am I going to ask her to go steady?

Go steady? Who are you, Grandpa?

I promised her I'd sing to her,

and without that ring I'm scared to death.

Hmm. Check my ear. I have my finger in there a lot.

We're done talking.

- [soft music plays] - How great is this?

We all look gross, no one's smiling, and we get to drink brains.

Do I have any brains in my teeth?

- Yes. - Cool, cool.

Hey, no cutsies.

[gags] The costume is weak, but the smell is right on.

Wow. Nice skin, veiny-looking things, man.

Way... way to commit, man.

Why don't you shuffle yourself to the back of the line.

Uh, Harper, maybe we should just let him cut in front.

He seems a little dehydrated, not in the mood to talk.

Zeke, how can you be so cute and so spineless at the same time?

I'm going to stand up to this punk.

[sighs]

- Real zombie? - [grunts]

OK.

[clears throat] Let's hear it for the Best Night Ever.

[clears throat] Anyway, um...

I would, uh, I would like to call up to the stage Juliet Van Heusen.

[applause and cheers]

And before I announce the winner

of the table centerpiece raffle... over there,

I would like to sing to her.

Oh, my gosh, he's gonna sing to her.

Don't you ever do that to me.

- [blows notes] - [hums a note]

Good.

[clears throat] One moment, just gotta get the beat.

How's that for perfect timing?

Hey. This right here, is the highlight of your whole life.

How do you feel about it now? That's right.

[clears throat]

♪ I'm too nervous to be clever ♪

♪ But I'd do anything for you whatever ♪

♪ To be without you I'd say never ♪

♪ It's because you and I are together ♪

♪ That makes this ♪

♪ The best night ♪

♪ Ever ♪♪

- Could this get any worse? - Hold for it.

I'd like to say one more thing, people, before you clap.

Juliet...

...would you like to go steady with me?

[crowd murmuring]

[whispering] Justin, the real zombies have crashed zombie...

- I can't hear you. - [in microphone] Real zombies have crashed the zombie prom.

Uh...

Um... a lot of... a lot of...

A lot of you might think you heard me say zombies.

But that's because it's a zombie prom,

so I say zombies a lot.

Just like I did right now.

That is all.

- [accoustic feedback] - [clears throat]

What she meant was is the band, the Real Zombies,

uh, is actually playing at the zombie prom.

[crowd cheering]

- [uptempo music plays] - What are you looking at?

I want to have you for dinner.

I have a date, jerk. Zeke?

- Zeke? - Psst! Under here.

And now you've made my date uncomfortable.

You're gonna apologize or else you're gonna meet the king

and queen of this prom.

Where's Zeke?

- [speaking in alien language] - [responds in alien language]

- Zeke! - Justin!

You are a sight for sore eyes.

Harper's standing up to those creeps.

- She's fearless. - Got any room under there?

For Juliet.

Or... or, we could stay out here and I could help you fight.

OK. Yeah. Let's do that.

Max, save yourself.

This place is infested with zombies.

Yeah, I know. I got an RSVP from some zombies.

That's where the flyers went.

Yes. Zombies are coming, man.

But don't worry, I already locked the doors.

Nobody can get in and we can't get out.

Did you at least find the No Fear Ring?

- I could use it right now. - Harper has it.

That's why she's standing up to the zombies.

Whoa. Harper has my ring? I'm going in.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Coming through.

Harper, you gotta give me my ring back.

I'm a product tester and I need to file a report on it

in order to get paid.

All right, not now. You know, you don't scare me.

Guys, we've got to help Harper.

We've come to help you get out of here.

What? I'm not afraid of these losers.

Uh, if I didn't know any better,

I'd say these zombie prom-goers were actual zombies.

Uh, they're from another school's drama department.

They have an unbelievable costume designer who also teaches chorus.

Costume designer and chorus teacher?

Mr. Santos from Jefferson High.

Oh, they must be here to dance battle us.

Dance battle?

We do love to dance.

It's on!

One music video and we're expected

to have dance battles everywhere.

- Come on! - [grunts]]

[dance music plays]

- [music stops] - [all cheering]

Yes!

Yeah! Yeah! We won, we won!

Just once I'd like to win one of these!

That's right, keep walking, zombies.

What kind of zombies can't even dance a zombie dance?

Max, shh! Be quiet. They're zombies.

They could come back and eat your brain.

Yeah?

Good luck trying to eat these brains, zombies.

My dad says I got a thick skull.

He's not wearing the No Fear Ring,

but he's still not afraid of anything.

Maybe the ring doesn't work.

But when Harper had it on, she had no fear.

Oh, my gosh. It doesn't work on him,

because he already has no fear.

Everybody has fear.

Guys, who wants to dare me to cannonball into that punch bowl?

Ahh, you don't have to dare me. I dare myself.

OK. He has no fear.

Alex, anti-prom was more popular than real prom.

Wait. That means next year more people will want to go to anti-prom.

So... then we'll go to real prom.

We're always one step ahead of them.

[slow music plays]

You really know how to zombie dance.

How many, uh, how many zombie proms have you been to?

Yes.

- Yes? - Yes, I'll go steady with you.

You will. That's...

That's great,

because people sort of indicated that it was lame,

but, like, I don't really care what people think and...

[sighs] I'm nuts about you

and I just want to make you happy.

This is the best night ever.