Original subtitles

[playing softly]

What was the name of that song? Stop, You're Hurting My Ears?

Yes, it's off my new CD calledAlex Is A Cow, Moo.

Hey, we have a sister named Alex!

All right, everybody, listen up.

For today's lesson, we have a special guest from the wizard world

coming to talk to you guys about a very important subject:

The future.

Oh. You mean two minutes from now,

when I'll be faking a stomach ache to get out of this lesson?

No, I'm talking about you kids finding jobs one day.

Oh! Stomach ache. Look at that, it came two minutes early.

Mr. Stuffleby! Welcome.

Kids, I'd like you to meet your new wizard guidance counselor.

Oh. Hate to be impolite, but what's up with your face, dude?

My mother is one quarter gargoyle.

It's a bit distracting, but you'll get used to it.

Not likely. I'm not even used to Justin's face.

As you all know, one of you is destined

to win the family wizard competition,

thus becoming an adult wizard

and going on to live a life of incredible excitement and adventure.

That will probably be me.

Two of you, on the other hand,

will lose your powers forever,

instantly becoming ordinary human beings,

completely average and unremarkable in every conceivable way.

Like your father.

- No offense. - Too late.

[laughs]

So, in the event that you lose the wizard competition,

I've been sent here to see to it that you each establish an acceptable backup plan,

or "Plan B," one that is... Yes?

Does it hurt to always be smiling like that?

Actually, it's more of a numb feeling.

But back to my point.

Like all young wizards, you must choose mortal jobs that will provide you... Yes?

Do bugs ever go in your mouth?

All the time. Especially dragonflies.

But remember, I'm part gargoyle, so they're delicious.

Are there any other questions?

That don't involve my face.

I don't see this going well.

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease Yes, please ♪

♪ You might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

What are you doing with my guitar?

Nothing. You're using it in a band.

My band. Because my Plan B is to be a famous rock and roll drummer.

[laughs] Drummer? You never even playPattycakeright.

You still don't get it.

I wanted to hit you in the face.

I'm busy with my own Plan B.

I'm gonna make money touring the world beating robots at chess.

Look, Justin, I didn't want to have to say this,

but you're really good at guitar.

Well...

I've always known I had something special musically.

I've just been too afraid to admit it.

You're not just manipulating me, are you?

No. Great. So then I guess we're in a band.

Band? With me...? [scoffs] No.

All I need is me. And my soulful lyrics.

And my bare feet in a sandbox on the CD cover.

And a fishing net with, like, shells and treasure in it.

Well, why don't you use that net

to catch the one person that'll buy your album.

Good one.

Hey, honey.

Um... Any luck figuring out your Plan B?

Well, I've decided to follow my dream and be a professional drummer.

A drummer? This assignment is about you finding something practical.

Stuffleby's gonna be back here on Thursday.

And he may seem all smiles, but he's not.

Dad, come on. Didn't you ever have a dream?

Yes, a practical dream.

To own and operate my own subway-themed sandwich shop.

And look at me now. Living the dream.

- Hey, what's going on? - Well, Alex has decided

- that her backup plan is to be a musician. - Cool.

- I was just gonna work at the Sub Station. - That's my boy.

But Alex's idea is way better. I'll do that instead.

- [laughs] - Wait. Who's gonna run the Sub Station?

That's the only reason we had you kids!

Not you.

♪ Oh, I would run a kilometer for you ♪

♪ And on my little thermometer for you ♪

♪ I'm burning up ♪

[whispers] In Celsius.

♪ Oh, metric system Metric system ♪

♪ If there are better systems I must've missed 'em Oh, metric system ♪

♪ Metric system If there are better systems I must've missed them ♪

Mom? [laughs] What are you doing?

I'm harmonizing with my eldest son. Didn't that give you chills?

And the creep-outs. [laughs]

Oh, my gosh. You know what? We should form a band!

What do you say? We'll call ourselves Mother and Son,

so we don't get confused as brother and sister.

Oh... no.

I... can't.

Why not?

Because I'm already in a band

and that wouldn't be right.

- With who? - [drums banging]

This drumming thing is gonna be so easy.

- With Alex. - Alex?

- Justin said you guys are in a band together. - He did?

Yeah, and that's why he can't be in a band with me.

Now, I'm caught up.

That's right, Mom. Justin is in a band with me.

Well, that's too bad 'cause...

♪ Mother and son Mother and son We could've sung ♪

♪ Last chance to be in a band with me ♪♪

- Thanks. I owe you one. - Oh, I know.

Welcome to the band.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Mom, I brought you the newspaper.

Or... possibly flowers.

Oh. Thanks, honey. These are nice, but I kind of wanted the coupons from the paper.

- Max, what are you doing? - I'm practicing to be a magician, same as you guys.

- [both laugh] - That's great, Max.

But we said "musician," not "magician."

- Oh. - Ah!

Maybe Dad's right. Less talking more listening.

But it's just so hard to listen with all this money in my ears.

OK, since this is our first band practice,

there are things we gotta figure out.

Right. Band outfits. Way ahead of you.

No.

I was thinking we'd do sort of a punk-rock thing.

Oh! What about this?

Or maybe...

You didn't want to use this one for the band, did you?

Nope. [laughs]

OK, we need to figure out what we want to sound like.

For example, I like soft, meaningful guitar plucking. And I like to play barefoot.

It shows how I fight conventions.

Walk outside barefoot, you'll be fighting infections.

Convections? Infections? It rhymes. It's a lyric. Let's put it in a song!

OK... Ah! Follow my lead.

And a one, and a two, and...

Play on four. Four and...

You don't...

- I wanna start with a solo. - It's not Backwards Day.

- Why can't we in the beginning? - What is going on up here?

Justin's in your band? What'd you do, bribe him?

[scoffs] No. Of course not. It was more like blackmail.

I knew it. I'm sure your brother had something practical as his Plan B.

That I did. I wanted to make money beating robots at chess.

Is working at the Sub Station that bad?

Daddy, being in a band is a great Plan B.

It's totally gonna make us money.

All right. You think you can make money, let's prove it.

You'll put on a concert at the Sub Station,

and if you can bring in an audience, then you can consider this band your Plan B.

- What if we don't? - Then you'll give up this ridiculous dream

once and for all and you'll work downstairs.

- Is it a deal? - Sure, Dad.

Here you go.

Come listen to the loudest band in town.

I hear they got a great drummer. She's cute, too.

- Hey, Alex. - Hey.

Concert at Waverly Sub Station. Don't miss it.

You named the band Burn without even consulting me?

I do everything without consulting you. Why should I start now?

Because maybe I had a different idea for our band name.

Possibly with more of a reference to medieval plant life.

Yes, because kids love medieval plant life.

Look, I came up with the idea of being a band, so I should name it.

Yeah, but I'm a better musician. I'm all... [imitates guitar]

And the crowd's all... "Justin! You're so good-looking!"

And you're all... [imitates drums]

- The crowd's all, "When's the guitar coming back?" - Justin!

You know what? I'm very annoyed with you right now!

You know what? I'm kicking you out of the band!

You can't kick me out of the band, 'cause I'm kicking you out of the band!

You can't kick me out of the band! I already kicked you out of the band!

- Fine! - Fine!

Hello, Alex. I just stopped by to see how it's going with your Plan B.

Well, it's not going so great. I probably should've stuck

to the Sub Station as my Plan B, just like my dad did.

What? Your dad's Plan B wasn't to own the Sub Station.

It was to be a professional bull rider.

- It was? - He called himself "The Italian Buckaroo."

He had jean jackets made up and everything.

- You're kidding. - Do I look like I'm kidding?

Don't answer that.

- Wow, so he never went after his dream? - No.

I think his dad talked him out of it.

And then he ended up owning a sandwich shop instead?

That's right.

Hey. Uh, you remember that one time I apologized to you?

No. When was that?

Oh, my goodness. Can we please stop talking about it? You get the point.

Are you trying to apologize to me, Alex?

Yes. How many times do I have to say, "I'm sorry"?

Actually, you haven't said it.

I think we should get the band back together.

Go on.

Because it's important for us to chase our dreams while we're still young.

And I'm even willing to compromise in order to do it.

So if you play my kind of music...

I can't believe I'm about to say this.

...I'll let you name... the band.

- I'll take that deal. - Great. OK.

Better get started. We've got a lot to do before the concert.

- Perfect. I'll put in some earplugs. - Again.

You are such a rock star.

The Great Maxini thanks you!

[light applause]

Looks like you might be working here after all.

Here you go, Max. I took the liberty of having it personalized. Huh?

The Great Maxini is offended by your lack of support.

His next trick will blow your minds.

After it pops into my mind.

I had some made for you guys, too. Just in case. Huh?

Thanks for the support, Dad.

You're on.

[feedback]

Hi.

Thanks for coming out.

- We're The Alabaster Carnation. - Oh, my gosh.

One, two, three!

[playing rock music]

Oh, oh!

Yeah!

[laughing]

♪ You won't know anything unless you try ♪

♪ Might end up falling but you just might fly ♪

♪ You know it's all about what you believe ♪

♪ And maybe something extra up your sleeve ♪

♪ Listen what I say Nothing's getting in the way ♪

♪ There's no fear that can stop us and no reason to delay ♪

♪ Gonna give it all we got We ain't afraid to play ♪

♪ So watch out for we're gonna make it happen ♪

♪ I won't be whining 'bout what might have been ♪

♪ You know I'm not too big on giving in ♪

♪ I use whatever spell the law allows ♪

♪ That is, of course if I knew how ♪

- ♪ She does, whoo! ♪ - ♪ Listen what I say ♪

♪ Nothing's getting in my way ♪

♪ There's no fear that can stop us ♪

♪ And no reason to delay ♪

♪ Gonna give it all we got ♪

♪ Yeah, we ain't afraid to play ♪

♪ So watch you for we're gonna make it happen ♪

♪ We're not afraid to fall We're going for it all ♪

♪ There's a method to our madness We're answering the call ♪

♪ If we use a little magic We really can't recall ♪

♪ All I know is that we're gonna make it happen ♪♪

- Yeah! - [cheering]

- We did it! - That was unbelievable!

[chanting] Alabaster Carnation! Alabaster Carnation!

Hi, I'm Harvey Buchwald. I'm president of Legitimate Records.

I think you got a real future as a girl drummer.

- Here's my card. - Thank you.

Oh, my gosh! Your guitar playing like totally spoke to us.

Well, as a musician, that's all you can ever hope for.

- Who wants my sweat towel? - I do!

Take it. Put your number down on my hand.

Hold on.... I'll get your...

- What a show! - You liked it.

Of course I liked it! I'm smiling, aren't I?

Usually music isn't the best choice for a Plan B,

but not for you two. You can't miss! Can't miss!

[laughs] Honey, I'm so proud of you.

It was great. Maybe missing a more mature female vocal element,

but still, I really liked it.

Yeah, I should've had more faith in your abilities.

You guys proved me wrong and you did it the right way, without using any magic.

- You didn't use magic, did you? - No.

Yes, it's true.

Justin and Alex didn't use any magic.

But... The Great Maxini did!

What?

- Max, what did you do? - Dude!

The audience was all an illusion.

The Great Maxini thanks you!

Make yourself disappear.

Hey, um, you remember that time I said I was sorry? Right?

Yeah, you didn't.

- Your sister's been trying that for years. - He's right.

Which is why, from now on, we're videotaping all apologies in this family.

Theresa, start recording.

Jerry, can you stand a little closer to Max?

Look, you guys sounded great.

But because of you, Max, we won't know if music is a viable career or not.

- Dad, it's OK. - No, Justin. It's not.

I need to know that everything's gonna be OK for my kids.

But that's just it, Dad.

You can never be sure of that.

Sometimes dreams don't work out.

But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

I mean, you can understand that, right, "Italian Buckaroo"?

Theresa, shut the camera off.

Where did you hear that name?

Mr. Stuffleby told me about your dream of being a bull rider.

What a mouth on that guy.

Is that true, Jerry? "Italian Buckaroo"?

Yes, it's true. I wanted to be a bull rider.

But your dad wanted you to do something practical?

No. He was a rodeo clown.

He thought bull riders were stuck-up.

Wait. Grandpa was a rodeo clown?

That's my Plan B. I call it.

Look, I'm sorry if I was getting in the way of your dreams.

Actually, Dad, it's kind of reassuring to know

that you didn't have a practical backup plan and your life still turned out pretty good.

Yeah, my life did turn out pretty good.

I'm really proud of you guys.

You did something not even I had the guts to do.

It must feel good to chase your dreams.

Well, maybe you should find that out for yourself.

[announcer] Next up, The Italian Buckaroo.

All right, for probably about the next one to seven seconds,

you'll feel what it's like to live your dream.

And my guess is it's gonna feel a lot like chafing.

Whoo! Ah! [laughing] I'm... living the dream!

- Mom, what's your dream? - That this is over soon so we can go home.

Ah!

Looks like we're done.

♪ You won't know anything unless you try ♪

♪ Might end up falling but you just might fly ♪

♪ You know it's all about what you believe ♪

♪ And maybe something extra up your sleeve ♪

♪ Listen what I say Nothing's getting in the way ♪

♪ There's no fear that can stop us and no reason to delay ♪

♪ Gonna give it all we got We ain't afraid to play ♪

♪ So watch out for we're gonna make it happen ♪♪