Original subtitles

Welcome to the grand re-opening of WizTech.

[cheering]

We owe a big debt of gratitude to Justin Russo for saving WizTech

by removing the plastic balls from our hallowed halls.

And we know how dangerous plastic is to wizards.

[chanting] We hate plastic! We hate plastic!

Thank you, thank you. We're wizards. We all hate plastic, right?

Saving WizTech wouldn't have been possible without the generous financial support

of the WizWorld Industries, so let's...

I, uh, hope that's OK with you, professor.

Of course. A few advertisements is a small price to pay

for the reopening of our beloved school.

As long as the sign isn't made of plastic.

Ahh.

Now, I would like to invite WizTech student, Hugh Normous,

to cut the ceremonial ribbon.

Oh, no thanks. My giant hands will never fit in those scissors.

I'll have to use my own.

- Gee... - Oh, are you kidding me?

Whoa. Finally.

TV how I want it.

All commercials.

Thanks for coming back with me, Alex.

And I promise I'll make you forget about that boyfriend who broke your heart.

Yeah.

Dean.

Almost forgot about him.

Thanks for hitting the reset button on that.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, this is a new start for you.

You have no idea what's possible here.

And you're a very special girl.

[evil voice] Very, very special.

[thunderclap]

More special than you will ever know!

Um, I'm sorry. I can't hear you with all this evil thunder.

- Oh. I said you're special. - Oh, thank you.

[announcer] Ominous thunder and lightning brought to you by

the WizWorld Weather Channel.

Now, that could get annoying.

You think this would look good with my board shorts?

- I'm gonna get it anyway. - OK. You do that.

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem at the slightest ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ Well, you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With a snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪♪

Junior, I cursed the castle

so I could turn the whole place into a ball room

for the best birthday ever.

Now it's ruined.

Dad, I have a better evil plan.

To restore our family's evil powers.

Oh, now, that is a fantastic birthday gift.

But you know, I'd rather have some of those shoe skates.

Size ten. [makes swishing sound]

Dad, focus.

- All right. - All we need to do

is get Alex Russo up to the Tower of Evil with me.

And then we can turn this place into an evil wizard school.

- Dad? - Hmm?

That is a great evil plan. I am proud of you.

[laughing] Yeah, well, actually, I didn't think of that.

Justin Russo gave me the idea.

Oh, well, take credit for it, anyway.

And that's evil.

Now, in the meantime,

make sure no one sees this.

Jiggly fruit dessert!

My party's back on.

No!

No, this is Alex's boyfriend.

I hid him in here in the supply closet

so we can get Alex up to the Tower of Evil.

That sounds delicious.

Dad, I know what you're thinking.

Don't eat it!

Stop it!

Oh. And, um, also,

I need you to get rid of this silly wooden card Alex's boyfriend made for her.

Oh, isn't that sweet?

- Dad, you're evil. - Right.

[bell ringing]

Oh, hey. Cool booth. Who's this?

- My father. - The evil one?

Yes, I am.

But defeated.

- By your brother? - Oh, right.

I'm horribly defeat... I'm terribly defeat...

I'm a mess. Just selling t-shirts here.

Not hiding anything back there in jiggly, fruity dessert.

You are not good at hiding things!

And by hiding things,

I mean hiding... ...what amazing deals these t-shirts are.

- These are pretty good deals. - Yeah.

- Do you have this in blue? - I'll look in the supply closet.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Let's just, uh...

Oh, look. It's a blue.

- Thank you. - [bell ringing]

- You better get to class. - When I was with Dean we never went to class.

Well, I'll try and be a better influence on you.

Oh. A lot of people have tried. Good luck with that.

Well, uh, hey, how about after class

we have a picnic in this great place I know, on top of the Tower of Evil.

Oh. I was told to never go to places that are evil.

Oh, it was just named after...

...William. Evil.

The architect.

He's famous for a lot of buildings.

- Oh, yeah, I've heard of him. - You have?

No, I was just trying to impress you.

Hey, Hugh. [laughs]

That's funny.

It sounded like I said, "Hey, you."

[both laughing]

Anyway.

What are you doing there, pulling a cereal box on a wagon?

No, it's not cereal.

- It's a massive billboard. - Oh.

WizWorld Industries picked me to haul it around.

You know, 'cause I'm a giant.

Well, if I order the cool binoculars on the back, maybe I could see it.

You think all these advertisements around here are a bit too much?

Well, if by "a bit too much" you mean "a bit too terrific,"

then yes! Check this out.

"Why buy WizWorld? Why not?"

I, uh... I wouldn't wear that in class if I were you.

Oh, I'm wearing it for class.

Sign Wearing 101.

- That's a class? - Uh-huh.

What about learning wizardry and spells and potions?

All the things that I love about WizTech.

- [whistle blows] - Whoo!

WizWorld Industries!

They've got products, yes, they do.

They've got products to sell to you. Whoo!

WizWorld!

I could learn to love that.

No! All this advertising is corrupting my school!

Whoo!

Oh. Sorry.

I'm working on this for my advertising class, called "Blimp-ertising."

That's it!

WizWorld said they'd put up a couple of signs.

Those tiny little executives lied to me.

I need to speak to Professor Crumbs.

Here we are.

The entrance to the Tower of Evil.

- Shall we? - I thought you said we were gonna picnic.

- Where's your basket? - Um...

A bear took it.

Look, if you're trying to make me scared of some pretend bear

so you can put your arms around me,

I'll play along. Watch.

Oh, no. A bear! Protect me.

Real cute. Well, come on.

There is a wicked view up there.

Although it's nothing compared to this view.

Why are you looking at me?

Oh, I get it. I'm the view. Duh.

Oh, Professor Crumbs, look, I know I brought WizWorld Industries in,

but nobody's learning anything except how to buy WizWorld products.

Well, WizWorld products are high-quality and affordable.

Hi. This professor has been brought to you by WizWorld Industries.

- What was that? - WizWorld Industries is sponsoring me.

Kind of like a walk-a-thon, except I get to keep the money.

This has gone too far.

Hey, Justin!

I heard that Alex went up to the Tower of Evil.

Where did you hear that?

That's what everybody's talking about.

Well, that, and my awesome sign flipping.

Not to worry.

Alex is perfectly safe

as long as she doesn't go up there with Ronald Longcape.

That's exactly who she went up there with.

- Oh, no. - What do you mean, "Oh, no?"

I mean, if Alex goes up to the Tower of Evil and plays the Tetherball of Evil,

- she'll become evil. - Oh, I love tetherball.

It's the only ball that you can never lose.

If Ronald and she become evil, then they have the evil strength...

To take over WizTech and make it evil.

I knew that guy was evil.

But then he talked me into believing that he wasn't evil.

Which is totally evil of him.

Come on. We've got to go stop them.

I'll stay here.

Ooh, lovely.

This is the strangest greeting card I've ever seen.

I like this one, yes.

I don't think anybody's gonna mind that.

Oh, wow.

It's so romantic up here.

We should look at the stars. It's kind of our thing.

Yeah. And you know what else is our thing? Playing tetherball.

Playing tetherball? No, it isn't.

Well, can it be?

Uh, no. I think looking at the stars is more romantic than tetherball.

Well, then, how about we stand here.

Next to this pole and look up at the stars

and maybe just bat the ball around a little.

I gotta tell you, Ronald, I'm not all that into playground games.

I'm really into just being with you.

Come on, Alex. Just one game.

I don't even know how to play.

You just keep hitting it back and forth for a while.

Sounds complicated. No.

- Hit it. - No.

- Hit it. - No!

- Hit it! - No!

- Hey, I'm doing it. - Good. Keep going.

It's glowing. It's working!

- Why is it glowing? - This is good. This is good!

Why is this good?

- 'Cause it's our thing. - It's not our thing.

- [both panting] - Alex, no!

Whoo! That was a lot of stairs!

I should really run instead of hiding under the bleachers during PE.

- [coughing] - Why didn't you guys just take the elevator?

There's an elevator?

There needs to be better signage in this Tower of Evil.

What are you guys even doing here?

Alex, you gotta stop playing tetherball or you're gonna turn evil.

You're too late, Justin.

In less than a minute, Alex and I will have turned evil,

to destroy WizTech and begin our evil lives together.

- What? - Oh, I heard him.

He said that you and he are gonna start

your evil lives together. Congratulations.

It's too late to stop the evil, Justin.

Your sister has served her purpose.

Wait. Is that why you brought me up here?

For evil? You used me to complete your evil plan?

Well, it could have been any Russo.

Come on, Justin, let's go spit over the edge.

I guess it had to be you.

Max, we're trying to stop evil.

You fight evil your way, I'll fight it mine.

[spitting]

You lied to me, Ronald. You told me that I was special and I fell for it.

- I can't believe I broke up with Dean. - He broke up with you.

Look, the story we're telling everybody is that I broke up with him, OK?

Maybe you won't turn evil. Maybe it's not too late.

[announcer] WizWorld Industries is proud to announce

that evil will commence in three, two, one...

Evil.

Yeah, it's too late.

I don't look like him, do I?

[gasping]

- Professor, we're too late. - I would have been here sooner, but somebody spit on me.

I had to change my robes.

- Bull's eye! - [Ronald] Yeah, well, you didn't make it.

My evil powers have been restored.

I am taking over WizTech and making it evil!

- [thunderclap] - And Professor Crumbs,

um, I'm firing you.

And just to prove that I am evil,

I'll take that beard.

Thank you.

Before I go, I'd like to give Alex something

that I believe belongs to her.

I can't get used to looking at him without the beard!

It's from Dean.

That's impossible!

"Dear Russo,

I was thinking, maybe I should start calling you Alex,

so here it goes.

Dear Alex, I like you.

Signed, Moriarti.

I mean, Dean."

Aw, Dean.

And there's not a grade on it.

It wasn't an assignment.

- Then why'd he break up with me? - He didn't. I did.

And you fell for it.

I'm stopping seeing you. See you in school.

It was you?

Absolutely.

And now, evil is mine.

[thunderclap]

Oh, my gosh, evil has taken over. We've got to warn the others.

There's an elevator.

These things are slow.

Wait a minute.

There is a way evil can be undone.

If one of the tetherball players is in love,

then evil is cancelled.

- Ronald? - Hm?

Are you in love with anyone?

Yes.

Is that someone yourself?

Yes.

Doesn't count.

Alex Russo, are you in love with someone?

Oh, my goodness.

I guess I am.

I'm in love with Dean.

I believe you are.

What's happening to me?

The natural power of love! [screaming]

Ew. I found him attractive?

Well, you can love Dean,

- but he can't love you back! - What are you saying, Ronald?

That I have trapped your precious Dean in a jiggly fruit dessert.

And I have hidden him somewhere you will never find him.

- [elevator bell dings] - Finally.

[screaming]

Oh, hi, son.

Having all this jiggly fruit dessert around is just too tempting.

I thought I'd better hide your encased boy up here.

Dean!

Oooh, no.

Dad, this is why

we've failed at being an evil family all these years.

Evil is one thing but mean is a hurt that never goes away.

All right!

No one try and follow us or loverboy gets it.

No, wait, Dean!

Justin, we have to take the stairs.

Couldn't we just wait for the elevator to come back?

Justin, even I know that's a bad idea.

Fine. Grab my hands.

We're wizards.

We'll take our own way down.

Pillows for feet spell. Nice one, Justin.

I know. Pillows for feet. Never thought I'd use it.

Oh, man, I got hit with my own spit.

[Crumbs] Not your spit. Bull's eye!

- There they are. Let's catch them. - You'll never catch me.

I think we're gonna catch him.

Never!

We just caught you, dude.

Curses.

I almost got away.

Oh, great.

I was with a guy that said "curses." Not hot.

I'll take my beard back.

Higgly wiggly, get out of that jiggly

Hey, Russo. I came by to give you something.

Oh, no. I lost it.

- I'll go make you another one. - No.

I think you dropped it.

Read it to me.

"Dear Russo,

I was thinking maybe I should start calling you Alex.

So here it goes. Dear Alex,

I like you.

Signed, Moriarti.

I mean, Dean."

- Aw. I love it. - You do?

Yes.

And I love...

...this card.

- You just said that. - Well, that's how much I love it.

I love it so much.

[evil voice] More than you will ever know.

Why did you say it like that?

I don't know. I thought I'd give it a shot but it's not really me.

All right. First one down the staircase wins.

I'll even give you a ten second head start.

You're on.

- Go! - Go. One, two...

...three...

I knew you were gonna do that and I'm still gonna beat you.

No! No, no...

- [laughter] - Wait, wait!

No!