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1
00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:02,200
OK, guys, while Dad's away,
2
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,233
Mom's going to give
her first wizard lesson.
3
00:00:04,233 --> 00:00:05,500
So, show her
some respect.
4
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,734
Oh, we respect her.
It's you we don't respect.
5
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,600
Anyhoo...
6
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,400
See, we don't respect you,
'cause you say things
like that.
7
00:00:14,767 --> 00:00:18,200
Oh, yay. I'm in
the Wizards' Lair,
8
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,400
or as I like to call it,
"the garage sale that
never happened."
9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,500
OK, guys, now listen up.
10
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:26,133
Dad wants me to teach
the lesson today
11
00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:28,667
while he's away at the
No Wizard Left Behind
Conference.
12
00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:33,033
So, let's get this
over with. OK, uh...
13
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,500
What is wizard wear?
14
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:35,900
Max.
15
00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:37,400
Alex is on
my side of the bench.
16
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,800
You don't own
the bench, Max.
17
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:39,834
That side, I do.
18
00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,400
[Justin] You are
being childish!
19
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,100
[all arguing]
20
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,867
Don't make me stand up!
21
00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:47,934
That's it. I quit!
22
00:00:47,934 --> 00:00:49,500
Justin, it's all yours.
23
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:55,300
She, uh, lasted
a lot longer than
Dad said she would.
24
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,734
[beeping]
25
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:04,800
Today, we continue with
magical wizard garments.
26
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,567
Having covered...
[creaks]
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:10,567
...armor, we move on
to sportswear.
28
00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:14,800
This is a speed shirt,
29
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,700
it gives you
supersonic speed.
30
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,133
Does it grow
your hair really long?
31
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,767
Speed shirt.
32
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,100
[clears throat]
33
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,400
Now watch how fast
I can run into the sub shop,
34
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,500
make a sandwich
and come back.
35
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,800
OK. Ready?
36
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,300
Done!
37
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,133
No way.
38
00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:39,133
Yes way.
39
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,300
Wow.
40
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,367
You forgot the cheese.
41
00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:45,000
Oh! Hang on.
42
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,800
Is that enough cheese
for you? I think so.
43
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,367
Nice.
44
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,300
OK. Item two...
45
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:56,834
It's called a "Night Cap."
46
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,700
Whoever wears it
falls asleep instantly.
47
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,400
Well, are you
going to keep teaching?
48
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,800
'Cause I wanna be asleep
for that. Hand it over.
49
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,000
Oh, I'm tempted, but then you
wouldn't know about these.
50
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,767
[shouts]
51
00:02:09,934 --> 00:02:12,200
Smarty Pants.
52
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,767
They give whoever wears them
superior knowledge on anything
53
00:02:16,767 --> 00:02:18,800
and everything there is to know.
54
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,133
I'd put them on, but I'm
already smarter than them.
55
00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:26,200
Ooh, you're smarter
than pants. Good for you.
56
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,734
Now pay attention while
I read off
57
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:29,700
some of the possible
side effects of keeping
58
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:32,200
the pants on too long.
Side effects may be:
59
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,567
Headache, nausea, rash,
chronic giggling,
belly-button bubbles,
60
00:02:35,567 --> 00:02:37,000
"say it don't spray it"
disease,
61
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,300
tongue reversal,
ear gas, sweaty knees,
62
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:43,000
Picasso face, problems
with the bowel...
63
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,867
All right, lesson's over.
Come on, Max.
64
00:02:44,867 --> 00:02:46,100
I think I'm gonna stay
65
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,100
- and draw on his face.
- OK, cool.
66
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,767
♪ Well you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪
67
00:02:50,767 --> 00:02:52,834
♪ And the end will no doubt,
justify the means ♪
68
00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:55,200
♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪
69
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,000
♪ Yes please
But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪
70
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,467
♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪
71
00:03:00,467 --> 00:03:03,400
♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪
72
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:04,900
♪ That's what I said ♪
73
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,967
♪ Everything is
not what it seems ♪
74
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:11,767
♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪
75
00:03:11,767 --> 00:03:15,567
♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪
76
00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:20,000
♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
77
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,200
♪ Everything is
not what it seems ♪
78
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,400
♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪
79
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,000
♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪
80
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,967
♪ Because everything
is not... ♪
81
00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:36,934
♪ What it seems ♪♪
82
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:42,000
[theme music]
83
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,367
Alfred, the plan was,
if you're going to be ref,
84
00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:46,600
you wouldn't have
thrown me out of the game.
85
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,934
Hey, when I put this shirt on,
the friendship goes away.
86
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,734
Hey, look at the line
for the water fountain.
87
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,500
Oh, wow.
88
00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,600
Hey, Zeke,
what's with the line?
Are the other ones broken?
89
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,700
Nope. The water that
comes out of this one is
the best in the school.
90
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,233
I don't get it.
Water is water.
91
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:11,667
I beg to differ.
This water is delicious.
92
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:15,200
Excuse me,
sheriff's in town.
93
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,567
Step away from
the watering hole.
94
00:04:22,767 --> 00:04:26,033
Now that is some fine H-2-0.
95
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,100
[bell rings]
96
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,700
[all groaning]
97
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,834
If I could figure out a way
to bottle this stuff,
98
00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,600
I could make a fortune.
99
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,233
You can bottle it.
100
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,500
Alfred, don't bother me.
I'm thinking.
101
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:42,500
Hey, Alex. Are you
as excited as I am
about the Tribeca Quiz Bowl?
102
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:45,200
Oh, my gosh! No!
103
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,600
You're excited.
104
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,734
Who wouldn't be?
It's an academic decathlon.
105
00:04:49,734 --> 00:04:51,567
And when I take
my team to victory,
106
00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:53,300
people are gonna
know me as Harper,
107
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,133
the girl who's
got the brains,
108
00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:58,734
and not just Harper,
the girl who's the
fashion dynamo.
109
00:04:58,734 --> 00:05:02,000
Harper, if you want people
to notice that you're smart,
110
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,967
you might want to wear
a little less produce.
111
00:05:03,967 --> 00:05:06,133
[scoffs] That's not
gonna happen.
112
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:09,300
Papayas just came
into season.
113
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,400
Well, I'd like to
be known as Alex,
114
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,467
the girl who doesn't care
what she's known as.
115
00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:16,300
- You are known as that.
- I don't care.
116
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,900
See? It looked like
I really didn't care there
for a second. It was good.
117
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,734
Oh my gosh, there's Dean.
I hope he knows me.
118
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:24,967
[Harper] Dean Moriarty?
119
00:05:24,967 --> 00:05:26,300
You don't want
to know him.
120
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:30,200
I hear he plays
with firecrackers.
121
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,100
Dean Moriarty.
122
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,467
I was wondering if you could
be a good little kemo sabe
123
00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:39,967
and rustle up some students
to help gussy up the gym
124
00:05:39,967 --> 00:05:42,600
for the big
Quiz Bowl this year.
125
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,033
You gotta slow down,
Mr. Laritate.
126
00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:47,367
I'm only in my first
semester of cowboy.
127
00:05:49,867 --> 00:05:54,000
All right, Dean.
You and your whole posse
are all on set-up patrol.
128
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:58,200
Hey, setting up might
be all right. What time
should we be there?
129
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,367
What? You'll do it?
130
00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:03,600
That was a lasso toss
in the dark.
131
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,200
I'll meet you at 3:00.
132
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,867
Moriarty, you're turning
into a citizen.
133
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:12,500
Looks like I'll be
helping set up the gym
for Quiz Bowl this year.
134
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:15,400
Why do I have a feeling
you're just doing that
to get to know Dean?
135
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,734
'Cause I'm making it
pretty obvious.
136
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,033
- Hey, Dean.
- What's up, Russo?
137
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,600
- Yeah, what's up, Russo?
- She's cool.
138
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,300
She's cool. She's cool.
Clear some space.
139
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,133
So, um, I hear you're setting up
the gym for Quiz Bowl this year.
140
00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:34,600
That's kind of my thing,
maybe we should talk about that
141
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,367
and see how it's going to work.
Wanna thumb wrestle for it?
142
00:06:37,367 --> 00:06:38,767
Cute.
143
00:06:38,767 --> 00:06:40,500
[giggles] Oh, I know.
144
00:06:42,934 --> 00:06:45,900
Most chicks don't like
to get down and dirty
with how things work.
145
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,000
They usually just
make posters and gossip.
146
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,667
Really? 'Cause it sounds
like you're gossiping
about chicks right now.
147
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,233
I'll be setting up
the big boy stuff.
148
00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:56,667
I'll get you some cardboard and
you can make yourself a poster.
149
00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:04,300
So, uh, Dean,
what are you thinking?
150
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,900
I think I'm setting up for
the Quiz Bowl with Russo
151
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:08,567
while you guys
are making posters.
152
00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:10,400
Got it, Dean.
153
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,300
Guys, we get
to make posters!
154
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,800
[all] Yeah!
155
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,800
- Whatcha doin'?
- What's it look
like I'm doing?
156
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,900
- I'm making a pizza.
- Watch it.
157
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,767
I own sarcasm
and didn't give you
permission to use it.
158
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:34,500
Cute.
159
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:36,200
Get used to it.
160
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,300
OK, so, um, what do
you want me to do?
161
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:41,200
- You can finish wiring
the last buzzer for me.
- OK.
162
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:45,033
Green goes to red goes to blue,
goes to blue-red goes to
green-red goes to blue-green.
163
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,400
Uh, OK, I missed all of that.
But, yeah, I'll figure it out.
It's good.
164
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,867
Oh, hey, Harper.
Nice headband.
Are those real grapes?
165
00:07:58,867 --> 00:08:02,467
[scoffs] No.
The real grapes didn't
survive the washing machine.
166
00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:03,767
But you know what?
167
00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:06,300
It took this...
168
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,200
...to figure out this.
169
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,867
Yes, it did,
Harper.
170
00:08:13,867 --> 00:08:16,367
Do you mind if my team
practices our buzzer technique?
171
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:18,233
Let me just
hook this up first.
172
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,500
And... Oh, that
looks pretty. OK.
173
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,200
All right, Team Maroon...
ready positions!
174
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:35,033
This dangerous
South American spider
175
00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:38,500
is often found in boxes
of exported fruit,
particularly bananas.
176
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:39,800
[buzzers clang]
177
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,133
[electrical zapping]
178
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:52,033
Does anyone else's
hair feel hot?
179
00:08:52,033 --> 00:08:54,400
What's happening?
180
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,367
Don't look at me,
I'm a girl. I was
just making posters.
181
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:04,000
[theme music]
182
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,867
Thank you
very much, Alex.
183
00:09:06,867 --> 00:09:08,734
Nellie dropped out
of the Quiz Bowl.
184
00:09:08,734 --> 00:09:10,967
That whole buzzer accident
freaked her out.
185
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,667
Oh, waa waa. She looks better
with her hair up anyway.
186
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:16,767
Maybe if you weren't
so concerned with
getting to know Dean,
187
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:19,200
you would've hooked
the wires up the right way.
188
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,400
Now, now, don't go
blaming Dean, I would've
jacked that up anyway.
189
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:27,400
And besides, can't you
just get someone
to fill in for Nellie?
190
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,967
No. Everyone in school
is already on their teams,
so we have to forfeit.
191
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:33,500
[groans] Justin's team is
probably gonna win now.
192
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,133
Now I'll never get
a new reputation.
193
00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:38,500
It's really hard being known
just as the glamour girl.
194
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:45,400
I wish you were smart, then you
could fill in for Nellie.
195
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,100
I am smart.
196
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,867
- I'm street smart.
- But not book smart.
197
00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,800
I am, too, book smart.
198
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,400
Sure, I don't read books,
but I hollow them out
and hide things in them.
199
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,900
Hey, Harper. Heard about
Nellie's little, uh, "accident."
200
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,967
- Thank you, Alex.
- Yeah, nice work.
Way to zap the competition.
201
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:05,800
Hey, just because you're
winning through "forfeit,"
202
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,934
doesn't mean you really win.
That's not a satisfying victory.
203
00:10:08,934 --> 00:10:11,667
Oh, well, I'm pretty satisfied,
how about you Zeke?
204
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,934
I'm very satisfied,
thanks for asking.
205
00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:19,000
- Miss me high and hit me low.
- That's what I'm talking about.
206
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,600
[both] Oh!
207
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,400
Well, guess what?
You tools didn't win.
208
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,867
Harper's team doesn't
have to forfeit because
I just joined it.
209
00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:32,967
You? Come on, Alex.
You got a "D" in lunch.
210
00:10:32,967 --> 00:10:35,500
Ooh! Ouch! Fly it by
and hit me high!
211
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,700
[both whoop] Oh!
212
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,567
Oh, please.
213
00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:42,400
The Quiz Bowl is just
a glorified trivia game.
I know stuff.
214
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,400
You know what?
Beating you in this
competition will be a delight.
215
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,900
And to make things fair,
216
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,467
- which I should,
- Mm-hmm.
217
00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:52,133
I'll even loan you my 15,000
hand-written cross-referenced
218
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,467
index cards ofinformacionica!
219
00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:01,734
Does one of those cards
tell you not to answer
the phone, "Yello?"
220
00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:03,367
I can't wait for
this Quiz Bowl now.
221
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:06,467
Zeke, are you feeling
the need to do what
I'm feeling the need to do??
222
00:11:06,467 --> 00:11:08,567
- The need to blog about it?
- Oh, yes!
223
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,300
Alex, what are you doing?
224
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,900
You're just going to embarrass
yourself in front of everyone.
225
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,734
I'm gonna have
to hit the books.
226
00:11:19,734 --> 00:11:22,367
OK, but not the ones
that are hollowed out.
227
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,500
No.
228
00:11:36,967 --> 00:11:38,500
[alarm sounds]
229
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,300
[automated voice]
Warning! Warning!
230
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,800
-The prolonged use
of Smarty Pants...
- Shh! OK, we get it!
231
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:49,233
may cause side effects,
such as: headache, nausea,
232
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:54,367
rash, skeleton legs,
belly-button bubbles,
233
00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:57,367
"say it don't spray it"
disease,
234
00:11:57,367 --> 00:12:01,767
smelly feet,
yellow toes,
flaky hair...
235
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:03,800
Oh, now I know
how to shut you up.
236
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,467
...scaly pits...
[shuts off]
237
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:07,367
[laughs]
238
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,233
Knowing stuff
is so cool.
239
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,600
What are you doing?
240
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,500
Remember how people loved
the water-fountain water?
241
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:24,100
I hauled this whole bucket
of it home from school.
242
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:25,734
Now I'm going to bottle it,
243
00:12:25,734 --> 00:12:27,700
and I'm gonna
sell it back to them.
244
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:31,133
Why are you going
to all this trouble?
245
00:12:31,133 --> 00:12:33,200
Why don't you just
sell them bottled water
246
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,300
and tell them
it's from the fountain?
247
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:36,734
It all tastes
the same.
248
00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:41,600
We know you have
a lot of choices for
your fountain water,
249
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,300
and we're glad
you chose us.
250
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,500
You guys are waiting in line
to buy this fountain water
251
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,467
because you don't want to wait
at the fountain, meanwhile
there's no line at the fountain.
252
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,033
Hey, hey!
There's no line here now.
253
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,934
Hey, guys! When we're
done with these,
254
00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:01,400
we can use our empties to fill
up at the fountain for free.
255
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:08,400
- We just lost our business.
- What are we going to do?
256
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,000
We gotta come up
with something.
257
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,734
Panic and run.
It's never not worked.
258
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,300
Oh my gosh,
259
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:24,500
this is such
a big turnout!
260
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,834
[sighs] I guess there's
no point in waiting
around for more people...
261
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,767
OK, calico kittens!
262
00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:40,967
Let's get ready
to Qu-izzzzz Bowl!
263
00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:47,900
Quiz Bowl? What are
we doing here?
264
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,300
Uh... I, uh...
265
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:53,000
I just wanted to
come by to, uh,
see your poster.
266
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,800
- Really?
- Sure.
267
00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:00,600
[all] One, two,
three, win!
268
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,033
Why are you rolling
those stretchies up?
269
00:14:05,033 --> 00:14:06,600
They're cute
and really stand out,
270
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,467
which a sign
of a really good stretchy.
271
00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:10,000
Oh! It's just
hot in here, you know?
272
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,934
But, uh, remember,
this isn't about me.
273
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:15,867
This is about everybody getting
to appreciate you for your
brains and not just your...
274
00:14:15,867 --> 00:14:18,767
- ...oranges.
- [scoffs] They're tangelos!
275
00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:20,400
But, thank you.
276
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,000
Teams ready?
277
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,934
Have some fun,
take your time
278
00:14:23,934 --> 00:14:25,834
and remember,
there are no losers.
279
00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:28,934
Only winners
and the people
that aren't them.
280
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,233
[Justin laughs]
281
00:14:30,233 --> 00:14:32,567
Question number one,
what umbrella term
282
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,967
refers to the diseases
of the heart and blood vessels?
283
00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:36,033
[buzzer clangs]
284
00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:37,800
Cardiovascular disease.
285
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,233
Correct.
286
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:46,000
Nice, you studied.
287
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,600
Yeah, that's what I did.
288
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,233
Next question.
289
00:14:50,233 --> 00:14:52,300
How many distinct
codon sequences are there
290
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,500
in an RNA
messenger molecule?
291
00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:57,600
Eight or two cubed.
292
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,000
[imitates buzzer]
293
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,233
What did we say, Zeke?
294
00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:04,400
"If it's a guess,
it's a mess."
295
00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:09,033
Sixty-four or four cubed.
296
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:12,700
And Bingo was his name-o!
297
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:16,100
[audience applauds]
298
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:19,600
You can't see through these
cards, can you, Russo?
299
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,300
Wow. How'd you
know that?
300
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:25,734
You're the one who
said I studied.
Why are you asking me?
301
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,367
Mr. Laritate, I should
get credit for this!
302
00:15:29,367 --> 00:15:31,100
She studied off of
my study cards...
303
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,400
OK, look, I think we all
established that I studied.
304
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,400
Mr. Laritate,
question three, please.
305
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,100
Question three...
306
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:42,600
Archimedes' Principle.
307
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:50,734
9,476,251 micro-meters...
308
00:15:54,033 --> 00:15:55,467
Puppets.
309
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:02,200
The Japanese pronunciation is,
310
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,233
Dah-reh-kah ay-ee-goh gah
hah-nah-seh-mas-kah?
311
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:13,600
My... study... cards.
312
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,667
What are you doing?
You answered every single
question in that round.
313
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:29,600
Isn't that what you wanted?
You're on the winning team.
314
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,967
Strong showing in round one,
Team Maroon.
315
00:16:32,967 --> 00:16:35,767
Or should I say
Team Ma-Russo?
316
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:37,300
[unintelligible]
317
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,734
No, no, no. Please,
don't say Team Russo.
318
00:16:40,734 --> 00:16:44,300
Say Team Harper.
Come on, Harper!
Harper! Harper!
319
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:47,233
Are you kidding me?
Would it hurt you
to play along? Really? Really?
320
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,133
Ah, the sweet smell of modesty.
321
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:53,667
Looks like this isn't
your first rodeo, buckaroo.
322
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:58,600
You better be careful or you
may wind up with a brand new
reputation around here.
323
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,500
And we all know
how hard it is
to do that.
324
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:04,567
Harper, I know you're mad,
I'm sorry,
325
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:06,500
I'll step back
and let you close it out.
326
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,400
It's much better to
be known as the closer.
327
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,133
Fine. But if I have to go
another year with the same
reputation, it's all on you.
328
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:18,000
That's it. Who else's
study cards are you using?
329
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,934
You answered questions in there
that, that weren't even on mine.
330
00:17:20,934 --> 00:17:23,000
Since when did you
become such a smarty pants?
331
00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:28,467
Smarty Pants! You're totally
wearing Smarty Pants!
332
00:17:28,467 --> 00:17:30,934
I am not.
333
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,300
- I'm telling Mr. Laritate.
- Wait. Wait!
334
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,000
What are you going to tell him?
That I have magic pants?
335
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,600
Yes, I am.
336
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:47,400
- No, I'm not.
- No, you can't.
337
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:53,400
[theme music]
338
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,233
Hey, Maxy.
How's homework going?
339
00:17:58,233 --> 00:18:00,200
- It's going.
- Enough jibber-jabber.
340
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,367
Let's cut to it.
Alfred's Mom called me
and he sang like a canary.
341
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:06,300
Oh, man! I knew
I shouldn't have taught him
that dirty canary song.
342
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,300
[grunts]
343
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,200
Why would you think
you could get away with
344
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,300
selling fountain water
next to the fountain?
345
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:16,567
I don't know. You buy
bottled water and there's
a faucet right over there.
346
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:20,300
Well, because bottled water
is cleaner and it's portable,
347
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,834
You can take it somewhere
and drink it whenever you want.
348
00:18:22,834 --> 00:18:26,200
Oh. Sort of like
those little puppies that
you can fit in your purse?
349
00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:30,200
No, nothing like that.
350
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:33,600
But come on,
they're pretty cute.
351
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,200
Look, if you want to sell
something that people can
otherwise get for free,
352
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,467
you have to add something to it
so that it's more valuable.
353
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:44,467
Valuable, I got it.
Thanks, Mom.
354
00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,467
You're welcome, sweetie.
355
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,834
Now, let's talk about
this dirty canary song.
356
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:52,100
Good, because I need
a second verse. Let me
go get my songbook.
357
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:03,000
Thank you, Zeke.
Here's your water
358
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000
and... Alfred!
359
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,734
- [drums on box]
- [puppies whining]
360
00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:08,467
Here's your puppy.
361
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,033
I don't think
I want a puppy.
362
00:19:12,033 --> 00:19:15,033
I'm adding value.
If you don't take it,
it's a rip-off.
363
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,400
- Get your Puppy Water!
- Get your Puppy Water!
364
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,967
- Get your Puppy Water.
- Water with a puppy!
365
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,500
Question one. Algebra.
366
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,967
What are the polar coordinates
of the point whose
Cartesian coordinates are:
367
00:19:30,967 --> 00:19:32,133
Oh-three.
368
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,033
Alex Russo.
369
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,367
Of course,
Alex Russo.
370
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:40,667
Three pi over two.
371
00:19:40,667 --> 00:19:43,100
Yippee pi-ay-yay!
372
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,033
I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
373
00:19:48,033 --> 00:19:50,300
Save it. I knew
I couldn't trust you.
374
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,500
All I wanted is to look
smart in front of everyone
375
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,567
and then you,
of all people,
show me up.
376
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:57,233
[Laritate] What is a calorie?
377
00:19:57,233 --> 00:19:59,300
If you answer that,
I quit.
378
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:00,500
I won't answer it.
379
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,233
The amount of energy needed
380
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:06,200
to raise one cubic centimeter
of water one degree Celsius.
381
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,400
[mouthing] I'm sorry.
382
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,467
Correct!
383
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,367
That's it. I quit.
384
00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:15,000
Wait, Harper...
385
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,967
- No, no! Harper, wait.
- [Laritate] Finkel, Russo.
386
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,367
This is a Quiz Bowl,
not a Drama Bowl.
387
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:23,400
Let's bring it
back into the barn.
388
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,367
- OK. Next question...
- No, wait. Time out. Time out.
389
00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:28,200
Wait, can you call
a time out in a Quiz Bowl?
390
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,934
Not according to
the Quiz Bowl rules.
Ask the question!
391
00:20:30,934 --> 00:20:33,400
- She's away from the buzzer!
- I have something to say.
392
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,600
With a 27 point lead,
I will allow the time out.
393
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,834
- The rest of this Quiz Bowl
is under protest!
- Yeah!
394
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:48,300
The only reason why I did
this whole Quiz Bowl thing
was to help out a friend.
395
00:20:49,367 --> 00:20:52,000
I'm not going to let
my friend down.
396
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,233
I'll do whatever it takes...
397
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,700
... no matter how
embarrassing it is.
398
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:59,300
Some of you may
not want to look.
399
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:03,867
Hey, Dean. She's taking
her pants off.
Should we look?
400
00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:06,600
No.
401
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:12,900
[both gasp]
402
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,233
Alex! You kept
the pants on too long!
403
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:19,867
- What?
- Skeleton legs!
404
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,300
Was that on the list of side
effects that I didn't listen to?
405
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,500
Well, when in doubt,
dance out, huh?
406
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:32,033
- OK.
- [bones clacking]
407
00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:37,367
- [Alex] This is good.
- Come on!
408
00:21:48,567 --> 00:21:51,500
Thank you, Alex.
After you left,
Nellie stepped back in.
409
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:53,834
And I brought it home
in a real nail biter.
410
00:21:53,834 --> 00:21:57,100
Wow, so you won.
I never would have guessed.
411
00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,934
I owe you big time.
412
00:21:59,934 --> 00:22:02,000
And I was thinking,
a skeleton shirt
413
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,033
to go with those
skeleton tights.
414
00:22:04,033 --> 00:22:06,100
Yes! Skeleton tights.
415
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,800
That's totally believable.
Spread that around. Please.
416
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,200
Mom, how'd it go?
Am I in big trouble?
417
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,600
It's weird. Your principal
started to talk about you,
418
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,100
and then he got a phone call
about some dirty canary song
419
00:22:18,100 --> 00:22:20,500
sweeping through
the seventh grade.
420
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:22,233
Uh, Mom, I think
Max was the...
421
00:22:22,233 --> 00:22:23,467
Shh. Let's get out of here.
30916
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