Original subtitles

WHOA! THAT LAST MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTION

WAS REALLY HARD! I GOT "A."

I GOT "D," AND I'M PRETTY SURE I'M RIGHT.

"D" WASN'T EVEN CLOSE.

WHY ARE YOU SO SURE YOU'RE RIGHT?

NO. I GOT A "D" ON THE TEST.

I'M SURE I'M RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

OH, LOOK. GIGI'S HANDING OUT INVITATIONS

TO HER ANNUAL TEA.

I'M SO GLAD WE'RE NOT INVITED

BECAUSE THEN WE'D HAVE TO TALK LIKE THIS--

[BRITISH ACCENT] HULLO, MUMSIE. HULLO, POPSIE.

ISN'T THIS A LOVELY TEA?

DO YOU THINK MY PINKY'S HIGH ENOUGH?

[BRITISH ACCENT] NO. HIGHER LIKE THIS

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO A FANCY TEA,

YOU NEED TO ACT LIKE YOU'VE SMELT SOMETHING TERRIBLE.

GOOD AFTERNOON, ALEX, HARPER.

HOW'S THIS LOVELY DAY BEEN TREATING YOU SO FAR?

[REGULAR VOICE] WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACES?

APPLY YOUR MAKEUP WITH A HAMMER?

THAT IS REALLY FUNNY, ALEX, BUT INCORRECT.

WHAT YOU SEE IS THE RESULT OF A NEW METHOD

WHERE THEY INJECT STUFF INTO YOUR FOREHEAD.

THEN IN A FEW DAYS IT FALLS DOWN INTO YOUR CHEEKBONES.

WAIT A MINUTE. TIMEOUT.

WHY AREN'T YOU FIGHTING BACK?

WE JUST BAGGED ON YOUR FACES,

WHICH SHOULD BE IN A BAG.

SEE? I DID IT AGAIN. WHY AREN'T YOU INSULTING ME?

REMEMBER, WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER.

OH, BUT THAT WAS BACK WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND FOOLISH.

THAT WAS YESTERDAY.

MY POINT EXACTLY.

THAT'S WHY I'M INVITING YOU BOTH

TO MY TEA THIS WEEKEND.

YOUR TEA? I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO.

THANKS, GIGI. THIS IS GREAT!

WHAT?!

WELL, I HOPE YOU GUYS CAN MAKE IT.

COME, GIRLS. LET'S GO MAKE FUN

OF EDDIE TILL HE CRIES.

ALEX, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO A HIGH TEA.

I LOVE THE IDEA OF EATING

TINY, LITTLE SANDWICHES!

YOU'RE SERIOUS? I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND UNSUPPORTIVE,

BUT ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, WOMAN?!

GIGI HAS TERRORIZED US SINCE WERE IN KINDERGARTEN.

WELL, I THINK GIGI'S TAKING THE HIGH ROAD,

AND I WANT TO REACH OUT TO HER,

AND IF YOU WANT TO BE A NEGATIVE NELLIE, THEN GO AHEAD.

OK. THE ONLY NELLIE I KNOW IS NELLIE RODRIGUEZ,

AND SHE'S A VERY POSITIVE, UPBEAT PERSON.

HI, NELLIE! YOU GOING TO GIGI'S TEA?

YEAH! I CAN'T WAIT! IT'S GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!

HEE HEE HEE!

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR?

UGH! THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN A POSITIVE NELLIE.

♪ WELL, YOU KNOW EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE A BREEZE ♪

♪ THAT THE END WILL, NO DOUBT, JUSTIFY THE MEANS ♪

♪ YOU CAN FIX ANY PROBLEM WITH THE SLIGHTEST OF EASE ♪

♪ YES, PLEASE ♪

♪ BUT YOU MIGHT FIND OUT IT'LL GO TO OUR HEAD ♪

♪ WHEN YOU WRITE A REPORT ON A BOOK YOU NEVER READ ♪

♪ WITH A SNAP OF YOUR FINGERS, YOU CAN MAKE YOUR BED ♪

♪ THAT'S WHAT I SAID ♪

♪ EVERYTHING IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS ♪

♪ WHEN YOU CAN GET ALL YOU WANTED ♪

♪ IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT RUN INTO TROUBLE IF YOU GO TO EXTREMES ♪

♪ BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS ♪

♪ EVERYTHING IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS ♪

♪ WHEN YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT ♪

♪ BY THE SIMPLEST OF MEANS ♪

♪ BE CAREFUL NOT TO MESS WITH THE BALANCE OF THINGS ♪

♪ BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS ♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON'T LET ME GO INTO THE LAIR!

YOU'RE BUNK!

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO SAID YOU

CAN'T GO IN THE LAIR.

DAD SAID NO ONE CAN WHILE HE'S OUT OF TOWN.

CALL ME BUNK.

THEN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STUDY

THESE NEW POCKET SPELL BOOKS

THAT DAD'S GONNA QUIZ US ON WHEN HE GETS HOME?

YOU'LL STUDY LIKE YOU DO FOR REGULAR SCHOOL.

YOU'LL SIT HERE AND DO YOUR WORK,

AND I'LL DO MINE.

WITH YOUR DAD GONE FOR THE WEEKEND,

I PROMISED I'D DO THE BANK DEPOSIT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE DAD'S MAKING US MEMORIZE 20 SPELLS.

IT'S LIKE HE'S GONE BUT HE'S NOT GONE.

[GRUNTS]

CAN YOU AT LEAST STOP SHAKING YOUR LEG?

I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE.

SHAKING MY LEG'S HOW I CONCENTRATE.

CUT IT OUT!

THAT'S HOW I CONCENTRATE.

GUYS, PLEASE. I'M TRYING TO DO THIS DEPOSIT.

I KNOW. ISN'T MAX SO ANNOYING?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FLICKED MY EAR.

OH. YOU MEAN LIKE THIS?

OK. THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT!

COME ON! YOU GUYS ARE GONNA STUDY YOUR MAGIC IN THE LAIR!

COME ON.

SEE? WE CAN'T EVEN GET IN IF WE WANT.

DAD PUT A LOCK ON IT.

THERE'S PROBABLY SOME KIND OF COMPLICATED

MAGICAL SPELL ON THE LOCK

THAT WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BREAK.

OR A GIANT KEY HANGING ON A HOOK RIGHT HERE.

I THOUGHT THAT WAS A DECORATION.

COME ON. GET IN THE LAIR

AND DON'T TELL YOUR DAD I LET YOU IN THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY'S A GREAT DAY FOR?

TODAY'S A GREAT DAY FOR THROWING MYSELF INTO WORK.

TAKE ORDERS AND NOT TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.

SLICE SALAMI AND NOT TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.

BE NICE TO RUDE CUSTOMERS

AND NOT TELL THEM ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.

YOU KNOW ME--SERVICE WITH A SMILE.

OH, HONEY. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU

WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

MOM, WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS IN MY BUSINESS?

OK. FINE!

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU.

GIGI INVITED HARPER AND I TO HER TEA,

BUT HARPER'S GONNA GO.

SHE THINKS GIGI'S NICE ALL OF A SUDDEN.

WELL, PEOPLE CHANGE. MAYBE GIGI IS NICER.

MOM, IF I'M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEMS,

YOU HAVE TO AGREE WITH THEM.

OK. OK. GIGI-- HORRIBLE, MEAN.

I KNOW. ISN'T SHE?

BUT HARPER DOESN'T THINK SO,

SO I GUESS HARPER AND I AREN'T FRIENDS ANYMORE.

OH, DON'T SAY THAT. YOU AND HARPER

HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOREVER,

AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE FRIENDS.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE YOUR UPS AND YOUR DOWNS.

RIGHT. LIKE WHEN WE WERE 9

AND WE HAD THE LEMONADE STAND

AND HARPER KEPT ALL THE MONEY.

WELL, SHE DID DO ALL THE WORK.

MOM!

SORRY, SORRY.

WHERE'S THE SPELL TO GET YOU TO STOP SHAKING YOUR LEG?

WIZARD MAIL? YOU KNOW, WE ALWAYS GET WIZARD MAIL,

BUT WE'VE NEVER SENT ANY OUT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

LET'S SEND OUT SOME PRANK MAIL.

AHH. "STRANDED ON A DESERTED ISLAND IN...

IN THE LAVA SEA."

THERE'S A LAVA SEA?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S PRANK MAIL.

GOT IT, GOT IT.

ALL WE HAVE TO EAT IS HOT ROCKS.

I LIKE YOUR THINKING.

AND NOW...

BOOP--WE SEND OUT OUR FIRST PIECE

OF WIZARD MAIL!

♪ DA DA DA DA ♪

COOL! NOW WHAT?

NOW WE WAIT.

WHOO! WELL, NOW WE'RE HAVING FUN, HUH?

THIS IS AWESOME!

HEY. HI, HARPER!

HEY, HARPER. WHAT'S UP?

OH! GIGI INVITED ME TO A SLEEPOVER.

SHE WANTS ME TO MAKE MY LITTLE SNICKERDOODLES,

YOU KNOW THE ONES WITH THE RED HOT CANDIES.

OBVIOUSLY, SHE REALLY WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

YEAH. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE AS IN I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I MEAN, COME ON. HAVE YOU SEEN ANYONE FINISH

ONE OF YOUR SPICY SNICKERDOODLES?

IT'S GIGI. SHE DOESN'T LIKE US.

IF SHE INVITES YOU TO HER SLUMBER PARTY,

IT'S JUST TO PUT WHIP CREAM IN YOUR HAND WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING

AND THEN TICKLE YOUR NOSE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE SUPPORTIVE.

I AM! I ATE YOUR SNICKERDOODLES

THE FIRST TIME YOU MADE THEM.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S THE CROWN WE'RE GONNA PRESENT

TO THE BEST NEWCOMER AT THE TEA.

OH! CAN I SEE IT?

OH, NO, NO, SILLY. IT'S A SURPRISE.

I CAN'T WAIT!

NEITHER CAN WE!

SOMETHING'S UP.

"SOME PEOPLE ARE A GEM, SOME PEOPLE ARE A RAT.

TO LEARN WHO'S WHO GIVE ME THE EAR OF A BAT."

OH, MY GOSH! HARPER CAME SO CLOSE TO SEEING THE CROWN!

I WANT TO SEE IT!

OK.

DO YOU SEE THE "L"?

IT STANDS FOR LOSER,

AND IT'S GONNA LOOK SO GOOD ON HARPER

WHEN SHE'S CROWNED THE BIGGEST LOSER.

YEAH, AT OUR WHO CAN BRING THE BIGGEST LOSER PARTY!

[ALL GIGGLING]

WHAT DOES THIS ONE SMELL LIKE?

THE STUFF THAT GROWS BETWEEN YOUR TOES

MIXED WITH A LITTLE EAR WAX.

AMAZING. YOU'RE RIGHT.

THE BOTTLE'S BACK!

WHAT'S IT SAY?

"WE'VE RECEIVED YOUR PLEA FOR HELP.

"DO NOT MOVE OR LEAVE THE ISLAND.

THE HOT LAVA SEA WILL BURN YOU UP."

GOOD TO KNOW.

"EMERGENCY WIZARDS WILL ARRIVE TO RESCUE YOU SOON."

THEY BOUGHT IT.

"PLEASE USE THE EMERGENCY SUPPLIES

TO STAY ALIVE UNTIL WE ARRIVE."

THERE AREN'T ANY EMERGENCY SUPPLIES.

THEY'RE PRANKING US BACK.

"EMERGENCY WIZARD SUPPLIES."

OH! A LIFE RAFT.

I WONDER IF IT'S A MAGICAL LIFE RAFT.

WOW! EMERGENCY WIZARDS ARE COMING.

THEY THINK WE'RE REALLY IN TROUBLE. HA!

UH, MAX, EMERGENCY WIZARDS ARE COMING.

WE REALLY ARE IN TROUBLE!

WELL, MAYBE THERE'S A CHANCE THEY WON'T FIND US.

[SIREN]

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING THOSE GLOVES FOR?

I'M GETTING USED TO THEM FOR GIGI'S TEA.

I NEED TO PRACTICE HANDLING THINGS.

WHY?

THAT'S WHY.

AREN'T YOU GONNA HELP ME?

WHY? THEY'RE ALREADY BRUISED.

HARPER, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO GIGI'S TEA.

IT--IT'S REALLY A WHO CAN BRING THE BIGGEST LOSER CONTEST.

BIGGEST LOSER CONTEST.

ALEX, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MAKING STUFF UP.

IT'S JUST SAD.

I'M NOT MAKING IT UP. I HEARD GIGI SAY IT.

OH, ALEX. I KNOW YOU WANTED TO HEAR THAT,

BUT WE ALL WANT TO HEAR A LOT OF THINGS

WE'RE NEVER GOING TO HEAR.

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA BELIEVE ME, ARE YOU?

ALEX, ALEX, ALEX.

REAL FRIENDS ACCEPT EACH OTHER BRANCHING OUT.

THEY DON'T GET COMPETITIVE AND JEALOUS

AND MAKE UP RIDICULOUS STORIES.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO THAT TEA

NO MATTER WHAT I SAY?

YES, I AM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS,

BUT I'M GOING, TOO.

OH, MY GOSH!

YEP. YOU'RE MY FRIEND,

SO I HAVE TO BE WITH YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN,

AND I HAVE A FEELING THAT THIS TEA'S GONNA BE THICK

OR THIN, WHICHEVER ONE'S BAD.

THANK YOU, ALEX! THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!

WE CAN SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

I'LL COME OVER 4 HOURS BEFORE TEA FOR A PRE-TEA TEA,

AND THEN WE CAN GET DRESSED TOGETHER

AND PRACTICE OUR MANNERS--

HOW ABOUT I MEET YOU THERE?

HEY, MOM. WE WERE JUST WONDERING

IF MAYBE WE COULD GO TO GRANDMA'S.

OH? WHY?

WHY? BECAUSE WE PULLED A PRANK

AND NOW EMERGENCY WIZARDS ARE AFTER US.

LOOK. IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

WE JUST SENT A PRANK MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

THROUGH THE WIZARD MAIL SAYING WE NEEDED HELP,

AND EMERGENCY WIZARDS RESPONDED,

SAYING THEY'RE COMING.

OHH!

OK. IT'S BAD.

YOU GUYS ARE IN AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF TROUBLE!

WE KNOW, WE KNOW. I WISH WE NEVER WOULD HAVE ASKED

TO GO INTO THE LAYER

AND YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE LET US IN.

YEP. IT'S REALLY YOUR FAULT. HEH HEH!

WELL, MAYBE WE CAN GO STAY AT GRANDMA'S.

LADIES...

WELCOME TO TEA AT THE HOTEL FLEUR-DE-VLA DE-VLA FLU-FLA DE-VLA.

THE HOTEL WHAT? HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT?

IN FRENCH.

WE ARE PROUD TO PRESENT THIS TEA

SERVED TO YOU ON THE FINEST CHINA IMPORTED FROM JAPAN,

HOSTED BY YOUNG MISS GIGI HOLLINGSWORTH.

I KNOW YOU'LL ACT IN THE MOST LADYLIKE FASHION.

ENJOY YOUR TEA HERE AT THE HOTEL FLEUR-DE-VLA DE-VLA FLU-FLA DE-VLA.

REMIND ME TO STOP AT THE GIFT SHOP

AND GET A T-SHIRT WITH THE HOTEL'S NAME ON IT.

HARPER, ALEX, I AM SO GLAD YOU GUYS COULD MAKE IT.

I MEAN, YOUR ATTENDANCE IS GONNA MAKE THIS

THE MOST SPECIAL TEA I'VE EVER HAD.

WELL, THANKS, GIGI. I'M SO GLAD YOU INVITED ME.

OH, NOT AS GLAD AS I AM.

ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

[CLINKING]

OK, THEN. WELL, NOW THAT WE'VE ALL HAD A CHANCE TO MINGLE,

I HAVE A HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT I'D LIKE TO MAKE

LET'S GO LOOK AT THE LADIES ROOM.

I HEAR IT'S SO FANCY,

THE TOILET'S FILLED WITH BOTTLED WATER.

PLUS THE SOAPS LOOK LIKE LITTLE SEASHELLS.

OH, I LOVE THOSE!

BUT I REALLY SHOULD STAY.

I THINK GIGI'S GONNA SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

SHE USUALLY DOES.

AND NOW IT'S TIME TO ANNOUNCE THE BEST NEWCOMER

AND PRESENT HER WITH A SPECIAL CROWN.

I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD GO.

IF WE DON'T GO SOON, THE SOAPS WILL GET USED

AND JUST BE SOAPY LUMPS.

LOOK! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SOAPY LUMPS!

I CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN.

TRUTH SPELL, TRUTH SPELL.

"SOME ARE EVIL, SOME ARE KIND,

BUT NOW ALL MUST SPEAK THEIR MIND."

IF MY PARENTS COULD AFFORD THE SAME DERMATOLOGIST AS GIGI,

I'D BE WAY PRETTIER THAN HER.

OH, MY GOSH! DID I JUST SAY THAT?

AFTER I CLEAN MY EARS, I LOOK.

OH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

PLEASE PICK ME FOR BEST NEWCOMER.

PLEASE, PLEASE, OH, PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP.

I HOPE THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE LOSER TEAS.

IT WILL BE THE FIFTH ONE I'VE BEEN TO THIS YEAR.

JENNIFER LOOKS WAY PRETTIER THAN ME!

I'M GONNA TALK HER INTO A BAD HAIRCUT.

HEY, JEN. I'M GONNA TALK YOU INTO A BAD HAIRCUT.

WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?

OH. THIS IS GOING BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.

HEY, EVERYBODY, I'M WIZARD!

All: HUH?

YOU GUYS GOT EVERYTHING?

I CALLED GRANDMA, AND SHE'S BLOWING UP OUR MATTRESSES.

SO WHEN YOUR DAD GETS BACK ON MONDAY,

WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE WE HAVE OUR STORIES STRAIGHT.

[SIREN]

OR WE COULD GET OUR STORIES STRAIGHT NOW!

OFFICER LAMP. THIS IS MY PARTNER. HE'S A GOBLIN.

I HAVE A NAME.

YEAH, BUT NOBODY CAN PRONOUNCE THAT.

WE'RE EMERGENCY WIZARDS.

I HAVE A REPORT HERE OF SOMEONE USING THE WIZARD MAIL

TO REQUEST EMERGENCY SERVICES

WHEN, IN FACT, NO SERVICES WERE REQUIRED.

YEAH. THEY PRANKED US.

THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.

WELL, YOU TOOK TOO LONG, YOU KNOW?

WE'RE JUST AN ORDINARY FAMILY.

YOU GUYS GOT THE WRONG BOYS.

THIS IS THE RUSSO FAMILY OF WAVERLY PLACE, NEW YORK, NEW YORK,

HOME TO WIZARDS IN TRAINING

JUSTIN, ALEX, AND MAX?

THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING. I FIGURED I'D GIVE IT A SHOT.

OK. I SEE. WAS THAT SHORT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

OH, NOW WE'RE DOING SHORT JOKES?

GUYS, SO I GUESS WE'RE COOL THEN.

YEAH. WE'RE COOL

JUST AFTER WE ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS

INDIVIDUALLY!

DID YOU JUST SAY YOU'RE A WIZARD?

I WANT TO SAY NO, BUT, YES, I DID SAY I WAS A WIZARD.

YOU THINK YOU'RE A WIZARD.

YEAH, BUT EVERYBODY'S SAYING

CRAZY STUFF RIGHT NOW.

I WANT GIGI TO SAY SOME STUFF TO YOU NOW.

THE TRUTH IS, I HATE WEARING THIS DRESS!

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO?

I WANT TO BREAK THIS.

DO IT! DO IT!

THAT FELT GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE ALWAYS REALLY WANTED TO DO?

THIS.

GREAT IDEA, GIGI!

THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN! AAH!

AAH! AAH!

STOP, STOP!

ALL I WANTED IS A TEA WITH SANDWICHES AND GLOVES

AND SMALL TALK THAT NO ONE WOULD REMEMBER WHEN THEY GOT HOME.

WELL, THAT ISN'T WHAT THIS TEA'S ABOUT,

AND I KNOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME,

BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BELIEVE GIGI.

GIGI!

LADIES, LADIES.

FINALLY, SOMEONE TO RESTORE ORDER.

NO! HERE'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO.

[GASPING]

WHOO! WHOO!

HOW YOU DOING TODAY, MAX?

I'M FINE, THANKS.

IS IT OK IF I CALL YOU MAXY?

I GOT A NOTE HERE THAT SAYS THEY SOMETIMES CALL YOU MAXY.

YEAH. MAXY'S COOL. I'M TRYING OUT MAXIMILIAN, THOUGH,

SEE IT CATCHES ON.

THAT'S GREAT, MAXY.

I GUESS IT'S NOT CATCHING ON.

ARE THOSE SHOES NEW?

NO. YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY OUT MAXIMILIAN?

I'M DONE WITH HIM, GOBLIN.

GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

SO, JUSTIN, WORD ON THE STREET IS

THAT YOU'RE THE BEST STUDENT,

REGULAR AND WIZARD SCHOOL.

I DO OK.

I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE

THAT MAXY--CUTE KID-- TOLD US THE WHOLE STORY,

AND IF YOUR STORY DOESN'T EXACTLY MATCH HIS,

WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

GET OUT OF HERE!

I'LL GO WHEN I'M READY.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

I'LL GO, I'LL GO!

THERESA RUSSO, MORTAL,

MARRIED TO FORMER WIZARD JERRY RUSSO.

YEAH. YOU HAVE A COUPLE OF NICE KIDS.

WE DID IT! I MEAN, THEY DID IT,

BUT I LET THEM INTO THE LAYER,

SO I GUESS WE DID IT.

"WE," "I," WHO WAS IT LADY?

IT WAS ME, BUT THEY DROVE ME TO IT!

THERE WAS LEG-SHAKING AND EAR-FLICKING,

AND I HAD TO DO THE BANK DEPOSIT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS

TO RUN A BUSINESS FROM YOUR HOME?

TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

YOU'RE GONNA LET ME OFF WITH A WARNING

BECAUSE I'M A WIZARD AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.

WHAT, ARE YOU LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD?

I FEEL SO FREE!

I HATE THE HOTEL FLEUR-DE-VLA DE-VLA FLU-FLA DE-VLA.

STOP IT! YOU HAVE NO MANNERS!

I KNOW THIS ISN'T GOING THE WAY YOU WANTED TO,

BUT THIS IS WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN.

GIGI, WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYBODY

THE REAL REASON WHY YOU HAD THIS STUPID TEA IN THE FIRST PLACE?

OK. THAT'S EASY! SEE, THE TRUTH IS

IS THAT THIS TEA'S REALLY A CONTEST

TO SEE WHO CAN BRING THE BIGGEST LOSER, AND I BROUGHT HARPER.

SHE WAS JUST ABOUT TO BE CROWNED WINNER.

YOU THINK I'M THE BIGGEST LOSER?

SO ALL THE SLEEPOVERS AND SNICKERDOODLES,

THAT WAS A LIE.

YEAH. WE WERE JUST TRYING TO STRING YOU ALONG

AND GET YOU TO COME TO THIS LOSER TEA.

AND YOU DIDN'T COME FOR THE TEA.

YOU CAME TO PROTECT ME.

I'LL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU. IT'S WHAT WE DO.

YOU KNOW, ITS FUNNY. YOU BROUGHT NELLIE

WHEN NELLIE REALLY SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT YOU.

SEE THAT? GIGI THINKS YOU'RE A BIGGER LOSER,

AND YOU'RE SUPPOSEDLY HER FRIEND.

OH! YOU THINK I'M A LOSER?

WELL, THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU.

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THAT CAKE?

I WANT TO EAT IT.

OK. WHAT'S THE SECOND THING YOU WANT TO DO WITH THAT CAKE?

THROW IT AT GIGI.

AAH!

[SOBBING]

I DON'T LIKE GIGI EITHER!

HERE.

I THINK THAT IT'S TIME THAT GIGI GETS A TASTE

OF WHAT SHE'S BEEN DISHING ONTO ALL OF US FOR YEARS!

AAH!

[CHEERING]

STOP, EVERYBODY. STOP.

I HONESTLY THINK I MAY HAVE GONE TOO FAR.

YOU THINK?

BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO HASN'T--HARPER.

YOU WANT ME TO WEAR THE LOSER CROWN? WELL, OK.

NO.

OH. OK.

WELL, IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE TEA I IMAGINED,

BUT I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

LET'S GO HOME.

NOT YET. THERE'S SOMETHING I SAW

THAT I KIND OF WANT TO DO BEFORE WE LEAVE.

WHOO! WHEE!

YOU GUYS KNOW YOU HAVE TO CLEAN ALL THIS UP, RIGHT?

WE KIND OF FIGURED.

AND PAY FOR EVERYTHING YOU BROKE.

THAT'S FAIR.

CAN WE DO TWO MORE SWINGS?

SURE.

HOW IS WASHING THEIR LAUNDRY

COMMUNITY SERVICE?

WE'RE PART OF THE COMMUNITY,

AREN'T WE?

OH, THAT'S BUNK.

HEY, CAREFUL WITH THAT.

THAT'S MY WIFE'S.

OH, IT'S LOVELY. SHE MUST BE

VERY, UH, HANDY.