Original subtitles

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You said that there'd be silver ♪

♪ Somewhere around my cloud ♪

♪ But the only lines, that I can find ♪

♪ Are the ones around my frown ♪

♪ So keep your dreaming ♪

♪ Under lock and key ♪

♪ Who needs the high life ♪

♪ When love is the life for me ♪

♪ Well they say look on the bright side ♪

♪ But I don't know where to start ♪

♪ Cause I'm looking left and I'm looking right ♪

♪ And all my signs are dark! ♪

♪ So here's to the starlight ♪

♪ Wherever it may be ♪

♪ Who needs the high life ♪

♪ When love is the life for me ♪

♪ Ohhhhh ♪

♪ Who needs the high life ♪

♪ When love is the life for me ♪

[HEELS CLACKING]

[BLIND SWOOSHING]

[BREATHY VOICE] Oh, that feels so nice!

Biosalve toilet tissue.

So soft, so silky,

you could wear it.

[GIRLISH GIGGLE]

[CROWD LAUGHING]

So, I grew up on a small farm in the west of Ireland.

The kind of place the tourist board might celebrate

as unique and unspoilt.

But a lonely old local, looking into it for the umpteenth time,

might simply comment,

'Ah, shite!'

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Times were hard, but Da was nothing if not resourceful.

He used to say... [SIGHS]

'Just remember, kids,

the best things in life are free.'

And that was our cue to go shoplifting.

[LAUGHTER]

We may have been poor but Mam was brilliant with poverty.

She knew exactly what to do.

She left.

[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]

Yep. True story.

[MORE AWKWARD LAUGHTER] But eh...

I've come a long way since then, you know?

I love my glamorous life.

Being applauded by packed houses of up to 35 people, plus,

like yourselves.

And um...I'll never get too big for my boots.

Because invariably, at moments like these,

the often slurred words of my father spring to mind.

'Always remember, Kate. You're absolutely shite.'

[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

-That was great. -Thanks.

Okay.

A headful of bipomenthaline.

See your bipomenthaline, I'll raise you...

..two Votrex.

All of my pseudoephedrine, and a pair of boyos.

[PILLS RATTLING]

One week of dosies.

I will raise you, my brother's prescription pad.

Me brother. Dr. Peter Delaney.

Ahhh. All in.

Fold.

All in.

MALE VOICE: Dr. Peter Delaney? This isn't your usual doctor.

No, he's on holidays.

[EASY LISTENING MUSIC]

Sorry, didn't I give you a month's supply of these two weeks ago?

I need some more. I'm going volunteering.

In Africa, for six weeks.

And we'll be staying in huts. I won't be able to sleep

with all the spiders and the mozzies and the bats.

And I'll be all bunched up in a hammock.

And I'll be no use to any of those starving people

without a good night's sleep now, would I?

[CHEESY MALL MUSIC]

[TRAFFIC ROARS]

[GENTLE TAPPING]

Yeah. I know.

He could've at least said goodbye.

[CHILD SINGS] ♪ I am a robot ♪

[KATE SINGS] ♪ I am a bot ♪

[LAUGHTER]

[JAMES SIGHS]

Uncle Jimmy's moving into a home. I had to take him.

-Well then you can keep it. -Liz doesn't want it in the house.

I don't blame her. I don't want him in my house either.

-He's our father, for God's sake. -Was. Past tense. Thank God!

Look, we could be there and back in a day.

Let's just scatter the ashes and be done with it.

-Off you go. -Come on.

I organised everything. I did the funeral--

That was years ago and you're still banging on about it.

Which you didn't even bother your arse going to.

And I did the probate. You got a nice little flat out of it.

Yes. In the middle of Shitsville. Thank you!

Get him away from me.

I want nothing to do with him.

Fine.

-Are you making the robot yellow? -Yeah.

-Yellow? -Yellow top.

Happy yellow. Sunny yellow. What other things are yellow?

Uhm...lemons.

Lemons!

What else? A chicken. [CHILD LAUGHS]

[WHISPERS] Jesus Christ, James. What are you doing?

-It's fine, okay? -Oh God, that is so revolting.

Right. I'm going to scatter my half at the farm,

which is what he wanted. And you can do whatever you want with your half.

-Fine. I'll scatter them. -Great.

-I'll scatter them now. -What?

WIFE: Where's she going? James...!

[EFFORT GRUNT]

Sayonara.

Adios! Slan!

Fuck you! You bastard!

Kate...get off the trampoline.

-Kate, that is our father! -Whoaa!

Kate! Jesus...

[KATE GROANS]

What is wrong with you?

[DISTANT SIRENS WAIL]

-Age. -35.

Eh...next of kin?

Him, unfortunately. My brother, James McLaughlin.

McLaughlin.

You're that Kate McLaughlin, yeah!

My mam loves you. Never misses a gig when you're in Leitrim.

Look, could we speed this up a bit, please?

Yeah, hurry up, will ya?

My Dad's in agony here and I'm late for my chemo, so.

Eh...married or single? Single, isn't it?

Yeah. You're not with that actor fellow anymore, sure you're not?

Didn't like him. Didn't like him at all.

He'd a great welcome for himself.

Look...get her fucking autograph and get on with it.

I've been sitting here with my Da for over two fucking hours

and now I have to listen to this shite?

Two fuckings and a shite?

I think that qualifies as verbal abuse.

-Fuck you. -Number three.

Take a seat, please. Your turn will come.

My mam will be green with envy when she hears I met you.

MALE DOCTOR: Nothing broken. Just a few bruised ribs.

They'll heal in their own time.

Can I get something for the pain?

Maybe some fentanyl, or oxycodone.

Or a little buprenorphine, or something.

I wouldn't have thought you'd need--

[DRAMATIC GROAN]

During the examination, I --

I did notice a lump on your left breast.

Yeah, sure I've always had lumpy breasts.

We need to get you checked out, as soon as possible.

What? Might there be something wrong?

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

[SIGHS] Well, you liked her clip.

It was the Marilyn Monroe interpretation thing.

-That was HER? -Mm-hmm.

So, Kate. In your own time.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[BREATHY, STILTED VOICE] Oooh, that feels so nice.

Biosalve toilet tissue. Urm..

So soft, so silky, you could wear it.

-DIRECTOR: That was great, thanks! -No, wait, sorry.

-I just need a minute. -You don't have a minute.

A-ha...ahhh... what harm.

Sure...why not.

-Just go ahead [INDISTINCT]. -KATE: Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]

Oooh, that feels so nice.

Biosalve toilet tissue.

So soft, so silky you could wear it!

[SEDUCTIVE GIGGLE]

-That was unreal. Fair play. -Thank you.

I loved it. Did you love it?

Heather, yeah? It's brilliant.

-Thanks very much. See you later. -We'll be in touch with you.

Okay, great. Oh...see you.

I have your number anyway, if you want to...

Okay, bye!

[POSH VOICE] You are a disgrace to the 'MeToo' movement.

[OWN VOICE] I know, 'twas a bit of a low point, all right.

[POSH VOICE] So embarrassing!

[MARILYN VOICE] I thought we were quite impressive, actually.

Yeah, well...

I don't know how much longer I can rely on you both.

What are you saying?! What's wrong with us?!

You heard the doctor, Lumpy.

It's not serious, is it?

I dunno yet.

I know what she's thinking.

A guilt-free way out.

People give out about the health service,

but I think doctors are almost too careful these days.

The slightest hint of something that's probably nothing,

and they have you examined within an inch of your life.

[NERVOUS LAUGH] I mean, there's really nothing wrong with me.

I take very good care of myself.

I drink goat's milk.

I mean, you'd know if you were sick, wouldn't you?

I certainly...would.

[BEEPING]

The thing is, Kate, there are multiple lesions

throughout the left breast.

And there is a confluence of small tumours around the lump.

You'll be on a course of steroids to help deal with the chemotherapy.

[VOICE RECEDES, SAD MUSIC PLAYS]

♪♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SEAGULLS CRYING]

How was Africa?

-Eh... -Yeah, I thought so.

-It's real. -Please, the last doctor had never even heard of you.

-You rang him? -I should call the police.

I've got cancer.

That's not funny.

Stage 3, grade 3, triple negative, fast-growing, multiple lesions.

There's a big lump right here. This one right here.

Do you want to feel?

Ring Dr. Kavanagh and I'll wait.

[CORK POPPING]

[SLURPING]

How are the oysters, Madam?

Delicious.

In fact, they're so good, I think I'll have some more.

Prego.

Enjoy.

[PHONE RINGING]

I hope those oysters do not go to waste.

[LOUNGE MUSIC]

[GIGGLING]

They didn't.

Kate?

Kate?

Kate....?!

[WRETCHING]

[WRETCHING CONTINUES]

[SPITTING] Fucking oysters!

[DEEP SIGH]

There's all sorts of new drugs now. Cancer isn't what it used to be.

I'm not doing it.

Months of fucking chemo.

Radiation, mutilation, it mightn't even work.

-You're not thinking straight. -I am.

Clear as a bell.

Every time I open my eyes,

I'm filled with dread at the thought of another day.

The only time I can bear it, is when I'm planning a way out.

I'm not going through all that to stay in this hell.

Jesus, Kate...

If you don't want to live, I can't make you. But...

But I can't bear this anymore either.

I can't keep living in fear every time you don't answer the phone.

Please, don't.

I love you, Katie.

I can't imagine my world without you.

What about Alex?

She's just a child and she adores you.

Don't... please, just stop.

I'll do it.

On one condition.

You have to promise me,

that if the treatment doesn't work,

you will let me go.

Auntie Katie, I heard Mummy tell Mrs. Padley that you might die.

-Can I have your iPad? -Alex!

Come on, give me a hug.

[MOURNFUL PIANO MUSIC]

You'll be okay.

Oh! Oh God, I'm so sorry.

Oh, thank you, dear.

NURSE: Good morning, Roisin. Oh, this must be your daughter.

PATIENT IN CHAIR: That's Kate McLaughlin.

-She's big in Leitrim. -NURSE: Ah, of course!

Sit down there, Roisin. I'll be over to you in a moment.

Kate, come with me.

Jayzus. As if we haven't enough to put up with.

[DISTANT FEMALE VOICE]

As soon as I heard I was going to lose the hair

I went straight out and had it all shaved off.

Had this made. It's from Thailand.

Cost me a pretty penny, I can tell you, but worth it.

It says here that we should visualize our chemotherapy

as a clear, sparkling, health-giving fluid.

That's a tall order,

considering this shit was developed from mustard gas.

You mustn't think like that.

It's absolutely essential that we stay positive.

I mean, we have to.

Our thoughts are very powerful.

ROISIN: Custard cream, anyone?

[RECORDED MALE VOICE] "While undergoing chemotherapy,

it's best to avoid all processed foods.

It's particularly essential to avoid refined sugars.

A low glucose level will produce ketones,

which will stop cancer cells in their tracks."

"While other foods, like greens and fresh fruit

will starve cancer cells to death."

"Thirty minutes a day of aerobic exercise will go a long way

towards fighting fatigue during your chemotherapy."

"If you can't get to a gym,

you could always use your own body weight

to build strength. Lots of lunges,

plenty of planks and a smattering of star jumps

will all add pep to your step..."

Kate?

Kate?

Oh...

-Hi....hi. -Hi.

-Hi. How are you? -Oh, you know. Just a bit terminal.

Actually I...have something you might be interested in.

Later on.

Casting for confidence.

Yeah, it's for women recovering from breast cancer.

What is it?

Some kind of scheme where the casting directors

blackmail directors into giving insecure actors parts?

[BOTH GIGGLE] Erm...no, it's fly-fishing.

Oh.

It's the casting, you know? The movement?

-It's good for the lymphatic system. -Right.

My wife had breast cancer and she found it useful.

I'm a volunteer now.

And it's good fun, you know?

You should think about it, for later.

Thanks.

-Me and fishing, I don't see it. -Okay.

Well, hold onto it. You might change your mind.

See ya...

See ya.

[VIDEOGAME NOISE]

[SKYPE CALL RINGS] Ah, would ya go away!

-Hi, Mum! -Hello, dear.

Jayzus, you've been talking to James.

Yes, he's very upset. We all are.

What, about my cancer?

Oh, don't! I can't bear it. Make that a large one, Paddy.

It's all right, Mum. With any luck, the chemo won't work

and you won't have to bear it any longer, and neither will I.

How can you say that? Thanks, Paddy.

Now listen to me, Kate.

Padre Pio's glove is on tour in Ireland right now.

I want you to get hold of it and rub it on the area.

The area? You mean my festering tit?

I'm just trying to help.

Mam, I'm just, you know what? I'm really tired.

Yes, yes. Of course you are.

Shedding like a dog, Ma!

Oh, Jesus.

[BUZZING]

[SAD PIANO MUSIC]

Do you like my new style?

Auntie Katie, if you have no boobies and no hair,

will you still be a girl?

Yeah.

I think you're pretty.

We can match.

Yeah!

Your man thinks he's God.

Well, I bloody hope so.

You wouldn't want your prescriber of poison

to be a self-doubting dithering idiot, now would you?

[IMITATES DOCTOR] So, I thought we'd give the old chemo a shot,

and, fingers and toes crossed, God willing you won't explode,

but what do I know at the end of the day? What?

You have a point, dear.

We have to put our faith in these people.

[SIGHS] Don't talk to me about faith.

My mother has my ear worn off me

about Padre Pio and his bloody glove.

'Don't forget your faith,' she tells me.

As if. I mean, please.

How could you ever, in 14 billion years,

having been reared a Catholic, forget it?

I don't know how my mother's generation put up with it.

And to think the most revered woman in all of Catholicism

is a virgin mother!

What a load of bullshit!

My mother actually told me,

she had to be cleansed of the sin of having given birth.

I mean, how else were we supposed to come out?

But the man... the man wasn't having to be cleansed.

He didn't have to stick his mickey in the holy water fountain. He didn't have to--

Shut up.

Just...shut the fuck up.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

[RETCHING]

[SPITTING]

[TOILET FLUSHING]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

-Hi, Kate. -Hi.

I'm sure you meant well, um...

and were only trying to entertain us.

But I just want to give you the heads up about Roisin.

The lady with the knitting.

Oh, yeah. What about her?

You might want to go a bit easy on the old Catholic-bashing.

She may not have a lot of time left.

Her faith is everything to her.

Well, it was only a bit of a laugh.

It's a chemo ward, Kate. Not a comedy club.

[ENGINE STARTING]

So, what does having chemotherapy actually entail?

I'm hooked up, like a prisoner in a cell

with all these other people that I don't know.

And that I'd rather not know.

But apparently it's absolutely essential that we stay positive.

[LAUGHTER]

Speaking of positive,

Auntie Eileen sent me a voucher,

for a treatment of Reiki...with the angels.

[LAUGHTER]

Reiki with the angels!

For fuck's sake. 90 bloody euro she paid.

Not so smart, my mother's side of the family.

Anyway, it was paid for, so I went.

And the therapist actually said to me,

[NORTHERN ACCENT] 'I sense your cancer

has something to do with your unexpressed rage.'

AUDIENCE: Ohh....!

[LAUGHTER]

'Shove your Reiki up your gaping chakras,' I told her.

Loud and clear! No problem expressing my rage, me.

[LAUGHTER]

MALE COMEDIAN: Imagine if a man made a joke about chemotherapy.

I did jokes about having chlamydia. No laughs.

Who's Lydia?

Ah, here she is now.

New material and free drugs.

Ha! Some people have all the luck.

-Hi. -How's it going? -Hi.

-How're you doing? -Alright. -Great.

How's it going?

Yeah, good, yeah. Kate...That was great.

Thanks.

I really admire how you're dealing with your shit.

I'm Jay Power. Radio Ireland FM.

You should come on the show. It has huge ratings, you know?

It might be a good way to raise awareness.

It mightn't do your profile any harm either.

Jammy bitch.

Not that you need the help or anything, y'know. I'm just...

I'm a big fan.

Have been forever.

Oh yeah? How big?

[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

[GROANING]

JAY POWER: Ah, ah...that's it.

Oh God....last fence now!

Oh God, oohhhh! Ooooh.

Ahhhh, yeah.

[GROANS]

Thank you.

[WHISPERS] Thank you.

-Do you've a bathroom? -Down to the right.

What?!

Now...

Sorry. I was adding extra wheatgrass.

It's supposed to reduce myelotoxicity.

RADIO HOST: We're joined today by Kate McLaughlin, you're welcome along.

- KATE: Thanks. -You're undergoing chemotherapy at the moment, Kate.

That's right. It's actually quite a blast, really.

I was looking forward to the fashionable emaciation

but I'm afraid the steroids have me ravenous.

It's weird, some days I'm totally wrecked and then other days,

like today, the steroids make me feel

like I've popped cheap speed.

They're the crack cocaine of chemotherapy.

Do you need your house painted? I've bucketloads of energy.

And of course, one of the big advantages of chemo

is that not a follicle remains on my body."

-DAD: God, your one's gas. - Extreme waxes, eat your heart out.

I don't have to have so much as a Brazilian, or a Hollywood.

It's more of an Antarctica down there, y'know.

-Ah, bollocks! - Which is a terrible waste,

as the thought of nookie goes right out the window.

She's full of shite, Da.

Can we be serious for a minute though, Kate?

You've had your share of dark days.

You joke a lot about your traumatic childhood,

you are no stranger to depression.

You've even joked about suicide attempts.

And now you have cancer. That's no joke.

I mean, come on. How do YOU really feel?

[MUSIC BUILDS]

I...

I...

-RADIO HOST: Kate? -Oh, dear Lord.

-[CHATTER] -KATE: I...eh...

RADIO HOST: Kate?

O-kay...and time for a break. Back after this.

[DOOR CLOSING]

[DISTORTED NOISES, SIRENS]

[LABOURED BREATHING]

[MACHINE BEEPING]

[CAR HORN TOOTS]

[FLOORBOARDS CREAKING]

[GENTLE KNOCKING]

You don't have to keep checking on me.

[SIGHING]

I take it you heard.

Lookit, don't mind your man. Everyone knows he's a gobshite.

Are you okay?

Mmm, let me see.

I'm slightly mortified.

No, strike that. I'm TOTALLY mortified.

Then there's the touch of deep-gut nausea

laced with a dollop of intense flu-ache.

Oh, and the blood-shot eyes and my sore mouth.

And my brain feels as if it's shrinking inside my bald head.

I've no energy to do anything and my teeth even hurt.

But you know, other than that, I'm okay, you know?

I'm fan-fucking-tastic.

Do you want a...cup of tea?

Fuck off.

I'll stick the kettle on.

Pink suits you.

By the way, I heard your interview.

Look, I just want you to know that--

What? That I made a complete fucking eejit of myself on national radio?

Oh...no.

Well, yes.

Thanks.

But we all make complete eejits of ourselves at times.

Come on Kate, jump in. I'll drop you home.

-No, you're all right. -Oh, get in for God's sake.

[ENGINE STARTING]

FIONA: A complete waste of time, you do realise that, don't you?

-What? -Suicide.

I read recently that of the 29 people

who survived throwing themselves off the Golden Gate Bridge,

every single one of them reported regretting it,

the moment their hands left the railings.

Thank you for that, Fiona.

I'll keep it in mind the next time I try to top myself.

FIONA: You can joke all you like. Feeling is healing.

Of course, they've always understood that in the East.

They know there's no escape from emotional pain.

TAXI DRIVER: She's right, love.

I'm a Buddhist myself.

If you don't deal with your shite in this life,

then you're going to have to come back and deal with it in the next.

-Correct. -Jesus wept.

Goodness, you're very enlightened.

You're very patronising.

You don't actually believe that crap, do you?

I'm just saying, they know a thing or two, those holy men.

TAXI DRIVER: Bang on.

[PEDESTRIAN X'ING SOUNDS] Then I'm really fucked.

[CROWD CHATTER & LAUGHTER]

[GLASSES CLINKING]

[DISTANT MUSIC THUMPING]

[RETCHING]

[CUBICLE LATCH CLICKING]

[TOILET FLUSHING]

Hey.

Nice catch.

D'ya know, I'm not sure this is my colour.

What?

This actually looks quite cool on me. Swap?

Feck off.

[CHATTER]

[DOOR CLOSING]

Now, ladies.

There is a definite skill to drawing the perfect eyebrow.

When there's no hair left, you need to be very careful

where you draw that eyebrow.

Preferably over the eye!

I don't usually wear any make-up, but I am willing

to try anything if it will make me feel better.

I would be lost without my makeup bag.

Well, my default setting these days

is if I don't smell, I'm good to go.

A touch of glitter, just a bit of shine.

Just cheer yourself up.

-MAKEUP TUTOR: I know chemo-- -The state of me.

At least with us it's temporary.

She did that to herself this morning.

Voluntarily.

And it's just... it's magnificent actually, the effect it can have.

MAKEUP ARTIST: Just, you know, when you're feeling low,

and you just get that definition--

Eight rounds of chemo.

Two more to go.

Then chop, chop.

Me poor babies will have nothing to suck on.

-You have kids? -No.

But I'm going to.

Had me eggs frozen.

-You? -No.

Do you not want kids?

What, more of me? Are you mad?!

Right.

Yeah, one of you is more than enough.

When's your op?

Slut-red or classy crimson?

-What? -For me. Which one?

Slut-red or classy crimson?

Slut-red.

That obvious, eh?

Just see the effect. It's something maybe you wouldn't usually wear.

But maybe just give yourself a cheer up.

Think of it as fairy dust.

[MAKES SMOOCHY NOISES] Give us a kiss.

Do you not find me attractive like this, no?

Eh... [GIGGLES]

Would you swipe right or left? [BOTH LAUGH]

MAKEUP ARTIST: Ladies...

Sorry.

[SNIGGERING]

-Hey. -Ah, hello again.

Thanks.

ROISIN: I love icebergers. Always have.

Look at that. Gorgeous.

The perfect combination of soft biscuit and vanilla ice-cream.

You know that stuff I was on about,

uhm...about the church and that.

I was just trying out new material, you know?

You wouldn't want to take anything I said seriously, or anything.

It's alright, dear.

I know you're putting a brave face on it.

I know it's tough for you.

It's tough for all of us.

We're fighting for our lives here.

Mmmm...

The last bit is the sweetest.

Getting older is great, you know? You learn to let stuff go.

-Like yourself. -[LAUGHTER]

You learn to enjoy the simply things in life.

Like men.

[LAUGHTER]

You didn't like that.

What's your number?

[LAUGHTER]

I went to a counsellor once.

And after a few weeks, she said to me:

'Kate, to my mind, you are the adult child

of an alcoholic.'

I said, 'Excuse me! I'm an alcoholic in my own right!'

My mother is...very disappointed with how my life has turned out.

She says, 'Look at you.'

'You're nearly 40. You don't have a car,

kids, or even a good handbag.'

I said to her, 'Hang on a second.'

'I have enough experience in life to know what's important,

and know that I have it.'

'When I go home at night-time, I have a fella there.

Who, when I look into his eyes

and I say, 'Babe,

when the chips are down, I know you'll be there for me.'

He looks right back at me, and he says,

'Miaow!'

[LAUGHTER]

Kate?

Oh, hi.

Tracy's just had her op. She needs a bit of cheering up.

I'm afraid I can't. I'm busy, sorry.

Come on. We girls need to stick together.

So, how is the warrior woman?

Battle weary.

Well, we'll soon change that.

Rose quartz.

Really super for bringing loving energy to the heart chakra.

I have them all over the house.

Don't say anything funny, Kate. It'll hurt to laugh.

I was only going to say goodbye.

[SMALL LAUGH] Hello, everyone.

How's the patient?

Speaking of which, I heard you'd a bit of a turn.

'Twas nothing serious.

Can't do any harm. You never know.

KATE: Like he's going to bring her boobs back.

Shit. I didn't mean. I--

I--uh...

Fly fishing.

Apparently it actually helps with recovery.

Seriously. My pharmacist gave it to me.

He says the motion is, you know,

great for the old lymphatic system to get it up and running again.

I was a dab hand at the old fly fishing in my day.

I spent some of my happiest times on Lough Corrib with Tom.

[POSH ACCENT] You're not thinking of...

No...

No.

[MARILYN VOICE] Well, all of your chest-chopping friends did it.

[POSH ACCENT] What about the promise you made to James?

Well I never said anything about a mastectomy.

Good, cause I have co-dependent issues.

I've only ever been part of a couple. I--I--

I couldn't survive on my own.

What about me? I'm the one being sacrificed to the mountain.

You'd just be left here looking like a...

Looking like a right tit!

Don't worry, girls.

With any luck, we'll all be pushing up daisies soon enough.

Good news. You're responding remarkably well, Kate.

The tumour is shrinking.

Now, you're going to have to finish your cycle.

But there's a very good chance that after the treatment,

there'll be no remaining cancer.

We're still going to have to remove the breast, though.

Without the mastectomy, there is no way of knowing

whether the chemotherapy has gotten rid of all the cancer.

Even then, it could be five years before we can tell for sure.

It's a necessary measure. I just wanted to bring it up again now,

so that you can get used to the idea.

Some women...uh...they get a shock after the operation.

When they see...uhm...they see the area is completely flat.

It's uhm...it can be traumatic.

[DOCTOR'S VOICE RECEDES] But, the main thing is,

your body has responded positively to the treatment.

You're a very lucky woman.

[SAD MUSIC]

Ah, Kate, just the woman I want to see.

Myself and Helen were just talking about

how we could all do with a bit of a break.

And then, we remembered...this.

Your little fly fishing trip.

Ah, we were thinking about Roisin.

It'd be so nice for her, and for all of us.

What do ya think?

Kate?

[DISTANT TRAFFIC]

[WIND HOWLING]

Is the chemo not working?

I've been close to the edge a few times myself.

I didn't come out until I was 43.

That was seven years ago.

So many wasted years.

So many times I felt I couldn't go on.

KATE: What stopped you?

HELEN: Family.

I couldn't do it to them.

I'd one crystal clear thought.

I loved them more than I hated my life.

KATE: The thought of having to go on just terrifies me.

It's like I'm inside a glass box.

And outside it, I can see life.

And happiness.

And I can't access it.

I can't. I--I don't know how.

It is possible to move on from a dark place, Kate.

Things can change.

Don't you start with that positive thinking crap Fiona goes on with.

Well, I wouldn't put it quite the way she does,

but, I have to tell you, it's not all crap.

Synapses that fire together, wire together,

as my professor used to say.

-What? -It's the way the brain works.

If you think negative thoughts all the time,

the brain literally arranges itself to produce more of the same.

It becomes your default setting.

A self-perpetuating negative loop.

-That's rubbish. -It's not actually, it's neuroscience.

Now, how you get your neural pathways to change

is a whole other story.

But one thing's for certain. You need to change the channel.

[SIGHS] I wish.

I'm afraid I'm stuck on miserable and depressed FM for good.

I know something that might help shift the dial.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ It's a tragic point of view ♪

♪ It's pretty honest, but it's fucked up too ♪

[TEXT ALERT SOUND]

♪ I tried to run as far away from you ♪

♪ I keep it messy, but I tell the truth ♪

[WATER FLOWING] No, Fiona.

Marxism is basically by how we're defined by the class we're from.

What about our past lives?

I mean, surely that has an impact on our be...haviour.

I was told by a psychic

that I was an Egyptian princess in a former life.

Ah, right. [FIONA EXHALES] Yeah, that explains a lot.

♪ Don't think I'm human anymore ♪

♪ Feel soft as velvet, pretty pure ♪

[MUSIC FADES]

Oh, now!

Isn't that a sight?

ANDY: They're very delicate, so please just handle them with care.

KATE: Where do you buy them?

ANDY: Well, you can buy them in any fishing shop, but I made most of these.

I first learned to tie flies when I was just a boy.

I used to watch my neighbour, Mr. Boyle, making his own flies.

They'd such great names.

Parachute Adams, Woolly Bugger,

Silver Doctor, Bunny Leech,

Black Ghost.

I couldn't wait to make my own.

I remember...I remember just sitting there,

just mesmerized by all those exotic raw materials.

I eh...think your flies are undone, Mr. Burke.

[GIGGLES] It's very good, yeah. Very funny.

It's Andy. If you're going to be that familiar,

you'd better use my first name. It's Andy.

There you go.

-Something like that, anyway. -Wow.

[LAUGHING, CHATTER]

TRACY: There's something sexy about it, isn't there?

Ladies, fly fishing is best practised in silence.

Fish are sensitive to noise,

to changes in light and to movements.

I know it'll probably be a challenge for some of you, but...

Try and remain still and quiet, okay? [GIGGLING]

It's all very zen.

Look like a fish, think like a fish, see like a fish.

So the action is back, flick,

forward, flick.

It's like answering the telephone, you know?

Nice moves, ladies.

I think I'm ready for one of them poles there, Andy.

-They're called rods, Tracy. -Rods, poles.

All the same to me as long as they do the job.

[NERVOUS LAUGH] Okay, then.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Kate, that's for you.

Thanks.

ANDY: Forward...flick once more.

Back, flick...forward.

Have you done this before? You're an expert! [ROISIN LAUGHS]

This is brilliant. This is brilliant! Perfect. Try again. ROISIN: Okay.

ROISIN: Is there nobody nice in your life, Kate?

My brother. And my niece.

And there's the conductor on the No.3 bus. He's nice.

You know what I mean, dear.

No...uh... No, there isn't.

That's a shame.

This might come as a bit of a shock to you, but,

I have had a lot of sex.

Oh, dear!

[LAUGHING] For God's sake,

do you think I came down in the last shower?

Well actually, for all the sex I've had

I've had precious little love, you know?

Not the real deal, anyway.

I've had a few short affairs, but...

I always seem to pick the wrong men

and end up using them for stand-up material.

Now that...is a tragedy.

You're so lovely.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

-Oh! -Are you okay?

Oh, it's...it's nothing. Just a twinge.

We'll go in.

[ROISIN GASPING WITH EFFORT] I forgot to take my pills today.

FIONA: 30 likes on Instagram already, ladies.

Fancy a toke, slut-red?

I've got the best cancer medicine on the market.

You betcha. [LAUGHS]

[BIRDS TRILLING]

So close, you could almost touch it.

What?

Life.

My ma died from cancer when I was 10.

It's the worst kind of poverty.

The lack of a mother.

People look at you

with that 'poor-little-thing' look in their eyes, I hated it.

Well don't worry.

I don't feel one bit sorry for you.

No, no one does. Not anymore.

I made sure of that.

Oh yeah?

How did you do that?

By being brilliant.

I was the first in my family to go to college.

History and politics.

Got a scholarship, First Class Honours degree.

Oh, I'm going places, me.

Once I'm better.

Da wants your fecking autograph, by the way.

No problem.

Is it just you minding him?

Fair play to you.

World domination. Cancer. Minding your da.

I don't know how you do it.

Ah...one day at a time and all that shite.

♪ One day at a time, sweet Jesus ♪

Spare me.

[BOTH SING] ♪ Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus ♪

[BOTH LAUGHING] ♪ And tomorrow may never be mine ♪

♪ Lord help me today ♪

♪ Show me the way ♪

♪ One day at a ti... ♪ [LAUGHTER]

Go on, ye big stoner ye.

That was beautiful!

We're gonna make millions. [KATE LAUGHS]

Anyone seen a pair of pink slippers?

Fluffy pompoms on the toes.

[GIGGLING]

No.

Anyone for a tipple?

A woman after my own heart.

Alcohol is NOT what we need right now, ladies.

We are in recovery.

Ah now, Fiona. As I always say,

a little bit of what you fancy does you no harm.

You are full of surprises, Roisin.

Are they what I think they are?

TRACY: Best Red Leb. HELEN: Medicinal, of course.

Of course.

Ohhh...I bought some goodies too.

Some nuts and seeds and these are quinoa crisps.

May I? Are these organic? No sugar?

Uh...no! God no, no sugar.

And very...VERY organic, Fiona.

Mmm.

Mmm, yummy. [SNIGGERING]

[LAUGHTER]

There are two types of fellas.

There are the ones that go down on you cause they love it.

And then there's the ones that go down on you

cause they have to, like... some sort of fair deal scheme!

[LAUGHTER]

What about the ones who won't go down on you at all? Bastards.

Well, I never let my Gerald go down there.

At least not with anything other than his...penis!

[LAUGHTER]

It's too mortifying altogether.

My God, Fiona.

You are missing out on one of life's great pleasures.

What exactly do you guys do?

I mean, I've seen Orange Is The New Black and they're mad for it.

[LAUGHTER]

If you...if you want to bag a chap, girls,

that is what you have to do.

You have to create a classic

'chase him until you let him catch you' scenario.

Gentle Jesus.

Did you learn that at the 'Bag-a-Chap' workshop?

Now that is the workshop I should sign up for!

Really girls, you either like a fella or you don't.

If there's no spark,

all the workshops in the world won't make a scrap of difference.

Well, I got my Gerald by following the rules.

And if you don't have an intuitive sense of how it's done,

there are TONS of books on the subject.

Oh my God, it was much simpler in my day.

What kind of books would they be, Fiona?

Probably ones that tell you things like,

what to wear on a first date.

Or...or when to allow him to first see your bottom in natural light?

[LAUGHTER]

I have a little joke, so I do.

It's a bit smutty, maybe I shouldn't.

-KATE: Yeah! -FIONA: Oooh, yeah.

There's these two Kerry women pulling carrots.

One of them pulls this big, long, fat carrot from the ground

and starts to cry.

She says it reminds her of her husband, Seanie, who's passed on.

[KERRY ACCENT] "Why does it remind you of your Seanie,"

her friend asked. "Is it the length of it?"

"Nooo!" "Is it the width of it?"

"No! 'Tis the DIRT of it!"

[LAUGHTER]

Cailin an-dana.

Point your toes. And real stiff arms.

The arms are real stiff, aren't they?

[SHOUTS OF 'Come on!']

Anois! Mar seo...

[IRISH TRADITIONAL MUSIC]

[WHOOPING, LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[LAUGHTER]

[ROISIN STARTS SOBBING]

[SOBBING] What's Tom going to do without me?

[BIRDS COOING]

[WATER LAPPING]

[LAUGHTER]

Ahhh!

HELEN: Ah God, girls. It's a long time since I've seen the dawn.

[HAPPY SHOUTS]

Oh, you are dead!

Oh...oh God! Where's my boob?

-TRACY: What?! -HELEN: I've lost my boob.

[LAUGHING] It's here...

Here...ah, no!

Darlin'...

Oh God!

There's your boob!

[LAUGHTER RECEDES]

I wish I could do that.

I've heavy bones. I always sink.

Come on! It's easy.

Just...just lean back, and relax.

-Put your head back. -You'll drop me!

No, I won't! Okay now, breathe.

Breathe, in and out.

In and out. I've got you.

Look!

Yay! You're floating.

We're going to let you go now.

-One... -Okay.

Two...three...

[DELIGHTED LAUGHTER]

HELEN: You're floating.

-TRACY: Whooo! -HELEN: You're floating!

[ROISIN GROANS] You okay?

I'm fine.

I just need to get these down me.

[LAUGHING] I don't know when I've laughed so much.

It was quite the night.

TRACY: He's actually a bit of a lash, isn't he?

Forget it. He's married.

HELEN: No, he's not.

His wife died of breast cancer.

-What? -Yeah, three years ago.

That's why he volunteers.

Well, well, well, Fiona.

300 likes on Instagram.

What? I didn't did I?

Oh please God, say I didn't.

Dear God, what did I post? [TRACY WHISTLES]

What? Where?

Don't mind her, Fiona. She's only teasing you.

Jaysus.

Gerald's having an affair.

He hasn't touched me.

Not once, since the diagnosis.

[SOBBING] I feel so diseased.

[SOBBING]

HELEN: You're definitely not gay, Tracy.

I suppose.

I'd miss the mickey.

[HUMMING]

You'll scare the fish away.

Quiet and still, I know.

I did a meditation class once, you know.

Yeah?

I learned how to still the mind and all that.

You sit there and you watch your breath,

in and out, in and out.

Bored to death.

And then you follow your thoughts--no,

you watch your thoughts floating by like clouds until they stop.

Well, actually they never stop.

You won't catch anything if you don't shut up, you know.

Well that's not true. I...I once caught crabs.

Oh.

No, no.

When I was a child. With my brother, James.

We used to catch them in rock pools.

You can't do it, can you?

Bet you can't stay quiet for even 10 minutes.

How much do you want to bet?

-Ten euro. -You're on.

Deal.

[REEL WHIRRING]

One minute down. Nine to go.

You'll never do it.

Well, I didn't say I'd stay quiet, did I?

Nice earrings. They'd make great flies.

'Silence is the language of the Gods.

All else is poor translation.'

Rumi.

Also known as Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi.

13th century poet and Sufi mystic.

Silence, schmilence. [HE LAUGHS]

Language of the Gods, me hole.

[BIRDS CALLING]

[IRISH TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT] There you go, missus.

Oh...thanks.

I can't believe you tweeted a picture of your scars, Tracy.

-[LAUGHING] I mean, honestly. -What?!

I'm fucked if I'm going to go around like some Barbie with fake boobs.

I've had a double mastectomy, I've survived, and I'm proud of it.

-Here's to you, girl. -Yeah, but you don't even know if it'll work.

I'll do whatever it takes to up my chances.

Am I the only one going for reconstruction?

I haven't decided yet.

I thought I'd be fine, but I missed my breasts

more than I could have imagined.

TRACY: What about you, Kate? Do you have a date yet?

He's not bad.

There's nothing I like more than a big, mucky man.

Tits or no tits, I think you've got a fan there.

He's only after my earring.

-I'd ride him. -Anything with a pulse, Tracy.

[GIGGLING]

So, how's the Goddess of Silence?

Very funny.

Come on!

Okay then.

Thank you.

What are you having?

ANDY: That was the easiest ten I ever made. [KATE PROTESTS]

Yeah, it is! I knew you wouldn't be able to catch any fish,

because you don't have the ability to shut up.

I could be quiet if I Want to be quiet.

-To catch fish, you gotta be quiet and you can't do it. -Yeah.

[KATE LAUGHS COYLY]

You can't have it.

Well...

it's not just the earring I'm interested in.

♪♪

[GASPING]

[PANTING]

Don't stop...don't stop.

[HE SNIFFS]

[SHE GROANS]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[NEARBY LAUGHTER]

[CHATTER]

[MALE VOICES CHEERING]

Okay, okay! So, I'm out with the boyfriend the other night

and I told him that my sex therapist told me,

the best way to arouse your man,

is to lick his ears.

CROWD: Ooohhh!

And he told me it's...

Bollocks!

[RAUCOUS LAUGHTER]

[DISTORTED SOUND]

[SAD MUSIC]

[BIRDSONG]

[SPLASHING]

TRACY: It's deeper over there!

[SPLASH]

A bit of concussion might be useful.

Fuck off, Tracy!

Just trying to help.

Just leave me alone!

[KATE GASPS]

What? You have a problem with being murdered, do you?

Prefer to take your own life? Tough.

[KATE GASPS]

Why the fuck, did you go through all that treatment,

if you don't want to live?

You've got a good chance of a full recovery for fuck's sake.

What a fucking waste!

Ughhh!

Did your mother never tell you to mind your own fucking business!

Oh I forgot, you didn't have a ma, did you?

Poor little Tracy. You stupid bitch!

Why don't you take your First Class Honours

and your working class dreams

and just fuck off back to the council estate you came from.

And you know what? While you're there,

I hope the cancer gets you and tears you

and your pathetic fucking future to shreds!

-ANDY: Jesus! -I fell out of my bunk.

-You should put something on it. -I'm fine.

Listen...

I'm sorry...about last night. I--

I haven't been with anyone since my wife died.

-And I wasn't expecting-- -Can we just forget it?

Please.

♪♪

♪ I take a breath ♪

♪ To clear my head ♪

♪ It all came down ♪

♪ And it's too late to make amends ♪

♪ Louder than a bird ♪

♪ A little voice whispers to me ♪

♪ That only silence ♪

[PHONE BUZZES]

♪ Can set me free ♪

♪ Somewhere, somehow ♪

[MUSIC FADES]

Ever have a one night stand with a guy and find yourself thinking,

I wish there were some rules, you know? Some etiquette.

Some 'bed-iquette' around this.

Like, recently, a guy said to me, 'What would you like?'

Now to me, we didn't know each other well enough

to ask such an intimate question.

I mean, okay. We were naked in bed.

We'd been through the foreplay.

We'd been drinking all night together but still,

you know, I didn't know what to say. So he repeats,

'Seriously Kate, what would you like?'

I was so delighted that he remembered my name!

[LAUGHTER]

And I said, 'Well, if you really want to know,

what I'd like, is if this one night stand

could turn into a relationship.'

'I'd love if we could get married within the year.'

'Buy a nice house by the sea. Have a couple of kids.

Fairly soon. I'm not getting any younger.'

'And I'd like to never allow the kids to become drudgery

as I've seen happen to other couples,

but for us to acknowledge them

as the unique expression of our love that they'd be.

And then, eventually, when they fly the nest,

we two could grow old, happy and content together.'

And there was silence.

[AUDIENCE TITTERS]

And he said,

and he said...

'Would it be ok if I just stuck my finger up your arse instead?'

[LAUGHTER]

And I said, 'Okay.'

[APPLAUSE]

MALE COMIC: I know what I'd do.

I'd shoot myself, that's what I'd do. I'd shoot myself.

But I don't know if I'd be able to shoot myself.

-I'd shoot you. -Would you?

-I'd shoot you. -Well that's... you're a good friend.

I'd shoot you.

Pills....pills.

-Cliffs of Moher for me. -Straight over the cliffs?

Yeah, it's beautiful down there.

After you shoot me, you can push him.

And I'll do the pills on the way down.

[DOOR UNLOCKING, CLOSING]

Hello, Katie!

Guess who got a raise today?

Come on. Get dressed. I'll take you out for a slap-up meal

followed by an absolute rake of pints.

[SIGHS] Thanks, but I couldn't face her right now.

[SKYPE RINGTONE] Oh, would you go away!

Come on, cut her a bit of slack.

I'll put the kettle on.

Hi Mam.

Finally. I've been out of my mind with worry.

Thankfully James has been keeping us up to date on your progress.

Paddy and I are very happy for you. [SHOUTS] Aren't we Paddy?

[FAUX SWEETNESS] Well zippity-doo-dah for you.

Because I'm not happy, not a bit fucking happy.

As a matter of fact, I wish you and your fucking pussy-whipped Paddy

and your fucking fake, yellow canary hair

and your fake tango tan and your fake fucking concern

would just fuck right off and leave me alone!

-Jesus, Katie! -I hit mute. She can't hear me.

No, you didn't. I heard every nasty word.

How could you say those things? Paddy's not pussy-whipped!

Jesus Christ, you can be such a bitch sometimes.

-Please! -She's worried about you.

She's not worried about me!

She feels guilty about me.

If she was worried about me, she'd be here.

She can't face anything.

-[JAMES LAUGHS CYNICALLY] -What?

Pot. Kettle. Black.

-I am nothing like her! -You're EXACTLY like her.

You see nothing through.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

[HEAVY, UNHAPPY SIGH]

Look, you haven't completed the treatment

without the mastectomy. You know that.

You promised!

I promised I'd do the chemo and I did it.

[SIGHING] Fuck you.

Fuck you, Katie.

[DOOR CLOSING]

[KNOCKING]

Oh, fuck's sake!

What?!

♪♪

[HEART MONITOR BEEPS]

[LABOURED BREATHING]

Oh, you poor darling.

-Da, you need to eat something. -I'm grand, love.

Fiona, would you take him to the canteen?

I'll take him.

No.

Stay, Kate.

Come on, Michael.

What are ya?

I'm your gold star, Da.

Always.

[LABOURED BREATHING]

He's still waiting for your autograph.

Your da's lovely.

Mine was a bollox.

I'm scared, Kate.

Don't worry.

Somebody brave will be along any minute now.

I'm so sorry, Tracy.

For what I said.

I--I didn't mean it.

I was just so jealous of you, of your bright future.

I didn't want your cancer to shred it.

I swear to God. I thought you were better. I would've never said--

I know. It's okay.

At least I've had a bright past.

And I learnt to swim. Well...

..float, thanks to you.

I wish it were me.

I know you do.

But it's not your time. [BREATHING QUICKENS]

Breathe. Breathe...slowly...that's it.

Just breathe with me.

Nice and calm.

One breath at a time.

That's it, Tracy.

It's just like floating.

Just like floating.

[SOMBRE MUSIC]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[BREATHES LOUDLY, ANGRILY]

[ROARS]

[SPLASH]

[WATER GURGLING]

♪♪

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[MUSIC BUILDS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

These are my breasts.

They have been much admired over the years.

[MARILYN VOICE] What's with the camera?

[POSH VOICE] You're making me nervous.

I'm sorry.

I know I said we'd all go together, but...

It's either you or me, buddy.

And it's not gonna be me.

[GENTLE MELODY]

♪ Tried to control ♪

♪ Every raging fire ♪

♪ I could control ♪

♪ Every man in my empire ♪

♪ I'm holding on ♪

♪ For the light to come through ♪

♪ This is your life ♪

♪ This is it all, this is your shame ♪

♪ You can take it and fall ♪

♪ This is a breeze, this is a mire ♪

♪ This is your chance for holding the fire ♪

I read somewhere that the biggest king salmon ever caught

was over 53 inches long and 40 inches wide.

That's enormous!

I think Tracy would have something to say about that.

Something smutty, no doubt.

[TITTERING] Sshh, ladies.

A bit of quiet, please.

Silence is the language of the Gods.

All else is a poor translation.

[LAUGHS]

♪♪

♪ I see a fire fighter ♪

♪ I see a line divided ♪

♪ I see a blind eye ♪

♪ I see the fear in you ♪

♪ I see the morning light ♪

♪ become the hunger strike ♪

♪ I see the walls tumble ♪

♪ I see the hate in you ♪

♪ I see the ball roll ♪

♪ I see you lose control ♪

♪ I see you never had it ♪

♪ I see the love in you ♪

♪ I see a long life ♪

♪ I see the hunger, strife ♪

♪ I see the glory too ♪

♪ I see me in you ♪

♪ I see a better life ♪

♪ I see a better life ♪

♪ I see a better life ♪

♪ I see a better life ♪

♪ Life ♪

♪ I see a better life ♪

♪ I take your breath ♪

♪ to clear my head ♪

♪ It all came down ♪

♪ And it's too late to make amends ♪

♪ Louder than ever ♪

♪ And in a voice whispers to me ♪

♪ That only silence can set me free ♪

♪ Someway, somehow ♪

♪ I find the faith that I need ♪

♪ And it takes over me ♪