Original subtitles

[grunting]

Uhh!

[Michelangelo] No camping, newb!

Aaah!

You've been owned!

Whoo-hoo!

Sir Mikey the bold rules!

Oh, yeah!

Good game...not!

[laughing]

Come on, Mikey.

We're supposed to be helping don scan cyberspace

for lost data bits, remember?

Yeah, you gonna spend your life

playing that stupid video game?

Stupid video game?

Dude, this is "Superquest,"

the greatest massive multiplayer

online role-playing game ever!

This is the game that inspired "Helix"

one hundred years from now!

That's how awesome it is!

I'm questing for epic loot and glory!

And when you think about it,

gaining mad cyber skills, too,

skills we'll need to get those bits

'cause you never know when we'll come across

a 3-headed dragon in cyberspace.

Uh, right?

[Donatello] Right.

You're not gonna believe this,

but Mikey's game skills will come in handy.

-Seriously? -Seriously?

[Donatello] Seriously.

Because according to my latest scan,

a sizable cluster of master splinter's data bits

have just washed up inside...

There.

Ugh. You've got to be kidding me.

I'm serious.

There are master splinter data bits inside "Superquest".

And we'll need to enter the game if we're gonna save them.

Awesome.

[Singer] It's ninja time!

♪ In the city, on the scene, underground, or in between ♪

♪ There's a mean, green team of heroes like you've never seen ♪

♪ And when the villains and turtles fight ♪

♪ It's gonna be one shell of a sight ♪

♪ You know the turtles got your ♪

♪ Back, back to the sewer ♪

♪ Teenage mutant ninja turtles ♪

♪ Back, back to the sewer ♪

♪ Teenage mutant ninja turtles ♪

Roll call!

♪ Leonardo, Donatello ♪

♪ Raphael, Michelangelo ♪

♪ I love being a turtle ♪

♪ There's a mean, green team of heroes like you've never seen ♪

♪ Doin' everything they can ♪

♪ To stop evil Shredder's plan ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, the turtles are ♪

♪ Back, back to the sewer ♪

♪ Teenage mutant ninja turtles ♪

♪ Back, back to the sewer ♪

♪ Teenage mutant ninja turtles ♪

♪ Teenage mutant ninja turtles ♪

♪ Teenage mutant ninja turtles ♪

♪ Back to the sewer ♪

There.

The cybermat is now linked up

to the "Superquest" interface.

No x-runners or cybernaut armor for us this time.

Once inside, we'll have no choice but to operate

according to the programmed rules of the game.

Sweet! Wouldn't want it any other way!

There's more.

Our data will be filtered through the game's content.

We step through the portal,

there's no telling how we'll step out.

What are you saying, Donny,

we might become orcs or something?

[laughing]

[laughing stops]

I hate video games.

[laughs]

Last one in is a stinking troll!

Okay. Let's do this.

For Master Splinter!

[Donatello] Right. For Master Splinter.

No way! So cool!

What the -- what is this thing?

Wait, is this me?

Leo! Don!

Leo, stop futzing!

You're a changeling.

Check it out. You're crazy cool.

You can change into animals!

Donny, dude, you're a sorcerer.

You've got more powers than you can shake that wand at!

And behold, I'm Mikey the bold,

white knight extraordinaire!

Dudes, this is my official "Superquest" character!

Talk about luck!

[Raphael] Luck?

What do you call this?

A court jester!

[laughing]

Welcome, bros, to the wonderful world of "Superquest"!

[indistinct conversations]

[Donatello] This world is massive.

The user interface is non-repeating

for up to 30 million acres!

That's over 700 terabytes of terra firma!

It's got to be big.

There are over a million avatars walking around.

And a million gamers in the real world,

making them walk, talk, and live the game life!

Hey, baby...

-Looking good. -[Kid] Looking good.

So, do you apparate here often? [laughs]

-Log off. -Hmm.

[Elfinator] Out of my way! Coming through, newbies!

Ha ha ha! Pwned.

I hate that guy.

You know him?

Only online.

He's a trash-talking pro

who goes by the handle the Elfinator.

This game attracts all kinds.

But the most awesome, fearsome player of all

is the ultimate gamer!

Huh?

In this world, the ultimate gamer spells doom.

He's the best "Superquest" player who's ever lived

and a cunning class-80 warrior.

We're gonna have to bring our "a" game to beat him!

Let's get one thing clear, Mikey.

We're here for Master Splinter's data bits,

-[trumpet sounds] -Not to play this game!

Huh?

-Huh? -Huh?

Welcome, gamers, to the supreme "Superquest" tournament!

All gather for the start of play.

Ooooh, an admin wizard!

[indistinct conversations]

Come on, let's see what's up!

[Man] Quickly now.

You, the world's finest gamers,

have logged on today for one reason

and one reason only --

to compete for treasure beyond your wildest imagination...

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

...the treasure inside this chest.

Quest for the two keys to the chest

and win the treasure within.

[crowd murmuring]

[yawns] Who cares?

We do.

Because according to my scanner,

Master Splinter's data bits are in that chest.

[Audience] Oh!

And now it's off the map.

I'm afraid the only way to get it back

and get those data bits is to win those keys.

You know what this means, guys.

Game on!

And now, to quest for the first key,

travel to castle Cretin.

There, ye shall meet a witch.

Grant her a token of affection

and gain entry to the castle.

Once inside, the first key awaits!

[cheers and laughter]

To castle Cretin -- quickly!

Believe me, if there was any other way

to get Master Splinter's data bits, I'd be all for it.

After you, whiskers.

[rumbling]

Uh-oh!

What's happening?

I think that mountain's about to blow its top!

Hey, knight, you clanning with newbies now?

That's no mountain.

[growling]

[Elfinator] It's a frostly giant!

-Oh, boy. -Oh!

Run away!

[growling]

Donny, look out!

Huh?

Donny!

Who-o-o-a!

[growling]

That first key's all mine.

-Whoa! -Whoa!

You boneheads, you knocked me off course!

-Aaah! -Aaah!

You newbs, look what you did!

Now I have to cross river Neverwere

to get to castle Cretin!

Good thing I'm hardcore.

Later, losers!

A class-50 wing wish? Sweet!

Still, there's more than one way to cross river Neverwere.

Come on!

He is way too excited about this.

To castle Cretin, good sir.

Relax, this dude's completely harmless --

strictly NPC, non-player character.

All right, we're almost there!

Thanks, NPC dude!

-Whoa! -Whoa!

Halt!

None shall pass unless the right offering is made.

Remember what the admin wizard said.

We have to grant her a token of affection

to gain entry.

But what's a token of affection?

Aw, shell, it's a riddle. And it can only mean one thing.

The stuff I do to save the day.

Hmm. Token of affection.

Let's see here.

Hmm... no. No. Nada.

[stammering]

[smooches]

[growls]

Here we go -- an affection token!

Here you are.

Ahh!

Hey, where's Raph?

I hate this game!

Ribbit.

Come on.

The sooner we get that chest, the sooner we get out of here.

Ugh!

[grunting]

Look, the key.

Right there. Come on -- Aah!

Leo, you've triggered your changeling power!

Quick, turn into something useful.

We must fight to claim the key!

All right. Let's try this again.

Not exactly what I had in mind.

Hey, I got it to work!

I can do magic!

Ah! Now if I can just control it!

Here you go. You want some, too?

Anybody else?

Look out!

Aah!

Nope.

This is humiliating.

Welcome to my world.

Now, this is useful!

It certainly is!

-Yes! -No!

Thanks a bunch, losers. The first key is now mine!

[laughs]

Which means I'm halfway to that treasure being all mine, too!

[laughs]

[indistinct conversations]

Ugh!

We got schooled.

I'm never gonna hear the end of it from that Elfinator.

Good thing this won't affect my game stats.

Wait -- will it?

I got a rep to maintain!

Your rep?

Mikey, we lost the first key

to the chest with Master Splinter's data bits!

If we don't win the second key,

we'll lose any chance of rescuing them.

Yeah, get your head in the game!

Ribbit.

Bros, you wound me.

I know what's at stake.

That's why I brought us here.

It's an items shop

to buy weapon upgrades with experience points.

Let's power up for the second quest.

The laser lance boost, good sir.

Sweet!

Now, this is more like it!

Seriously, dudes?

Our weapons are strictly low-end in "Superquest".

Not in these hands.

[Wizard] Hear ye, hear ye, fine gamers...

One key won.

One key remains.

Now for your second and final quest,

race to the top of mount Draggo.

There you will find the second key.

Good luck, adventure seekers. You'll need it.

[laughter, grunting]

Uh... anyone home?

Aaah!

Ribbit.

I knew this was too easy.

Look what's wearing, the second key!

Well, then, let's take it from him!

Aah! Run away!

Mikey, how the shell do we beat that thing?

Don't know -- never done it before.

You see why you shouldn't interrupt my gaming?

[Donatello] Gaming?

Wait a minute.

[screaming]

Of course! That dragon is a boss, right,

the bad guy at the end of a level?

Doesn't every boss have an obvious weak point

and programmed cycle of attack?

I guess. Why?

Well, I think I just found his.

Wait for it.

Now!

Don't you see?

He fires, rises, roars, and then exposes his belly.

[Dragon] Aah!

Works for me.

Now!

[grunts]

Now!

Ribbit.

[Leonardo] So, what now? We each have one key.

We share the loot. There's only one thing we want.

Well, that's too bad,

seeing as how I'm taking everything

before you can even say "wow".

[laughs]

Then I guess the first one in wins.

One...

[Elfinator] Two...

[Ultimate Gamer] Three.

[laughs evilly]

-Aah! -Aah!

No.

[Michelangelo] It's...

[gasping]

...the ultimate gamer!

[laughs evilly]

That's right, newbies, it's me, the ultimate gamer!

And you have just been pwned!

[laughs evilly]

You were posing as an NPC?

That's impossible!

Not for a class-80 warrior.

No, you're cheating!

Let's just see what the admin wizard has to say about this!

[snoring]

[snoring]

Anchovies.

[laughs evilly]

Sounds like nobody's going to be banning me.

And since you five are no match for my skills,

it's game over!

Sure shot aura attack!

-Aah! -Aah!

Arcane missile launch!

-Aah! -Aah!

Eyes of cobra!

-Aah! -Aah!

You low-level peons are a complete joke.

You're not even worth my time.

[groaning]

What are you newbs doing, method acting?

Keep playing.

Changeling, pwn that sucker already!

Uh, what?

Ugh! I thought you knew how to play.

Every character has a secret enemy

that they're vulnerable to.

The U.G. is a warrior.

The warrior's enemy is a white lion.

You can become one and destroy him!

But the ultimate gamer is class 80.

Will his white lion be powerful enough?

Maybe if we chain our weapons for an infield power boost?

Worth a shot.

But somebody will have to keep the U.G. distracted

while we do it.

Uh, why's everybody looking at me?

All mine!

♪ By the shine of the moon up above ♪

♪ Oh, how I love my sweet honey ♪

Ribbit.

Um, what in the world are you doing?

♪ You're the one -- ♪ My job.

Don't interrupt.

♪ Honey dove ♪

Ribbit.

♪ Keep on smiling, my love ♪

It's now or never.

[Michelangelo] Weapons chained.

Now for the boost.

What are you waiting for?

Turn into the lion already!

Uh...how?

Tab-alt-backspace.

Say my keyboard's broken.

Just give yourself to the game and believe!

[grunting]

[roars]

♪ A-whoopdie-doo ♪

♪ A-whoopdie-da ♪

Stop!

I'm pwning you on principle.

You're annoying!

Heh. Joke's on you.

What?

Aah!

[groaning]

Aaaah!

No! No one defeats the ultimate gamer!

Mommy!

[Michelangelo] All right, Leo!

-Yes! -Yes!

Okay. Take what you want.

You earned it.

[sighs]

Safe and secure.

You know, you're not such a bad guy, after all.

You've got some mad skills.

You too.

Who knows --

in the real world, I might even consider you a friend,

whoever you are.

-Heh. Later, Elfinator. -Yeah.

Yeah, see you around, white knight.

[Man] Hey, boss, I --

Hey!

You ever hear of knocking?

Huh?

Dude is weird.

That's right. I'm a hardcore gamer.

Have been for years.

Tell anyone, and I'll rip your tongue out.

[gulps]

I guess there's just one magic spell left to cast.

Let's go home.

[music]