Original subtitles

- You gotta be kidding me.

"Removed from major platforms."

"Cancelled."

Fuck.

Oh. Hey.

- Hi.

- Uh, Ava's out with Tory.

- Oh, that's okay. I'm here to see you.

- Come on in.

Is everything okay?

Can I get you something to drink?

- I know about the podcast.

- About the podcast? What podcast?

- You're "Based on a True Story,"

and you made a deal with the Westside Ripper.

- Um, well... - Mm-mm.

I saw the texts.

- Look, we were cancelled.

Okay? We're cancelled. It's over.

There's... there's nothing to talk about.

- I know how to save it.

- You know how to save the podcast?

- Can we sit?

- Uh, yeah. Sure.

Um...

have a seat.

- So here's what I'm thinking.

Your brand is you're these rebels,

right, these rulebreakers?

So fuck the system.

Fuck Apple. You can make your own platform.

There's no ads, no sponsors.

You just charge fans to join up.

- Like a subscription. - Exactly like a subscription.

Ten bucks a month, you'll be raking it in,

and, best of all,

you won't have to answer to anybody.

- And what do you get?

- Uh, just a small, little piece.

I stay quiet, we all make money.

Easy. - What are you doing?

Don't... I don't think you should...

- Just put me in, Coach.

Just put it in, Coach.

- Uh, you... you should leave.

- Okay. I'll leave.

- Oh, fuck.

Go.

Go. Go away.

Go away. - What?

- Oh, nothing. The dog's watching.

- What dog?

- Nothing. McEnroe.

Oh, God.

Get outta here. Go.

Go. Don't lick me.

- Why? - No, I mean the dog.

- What are you doing?

- Uh, nothing.

- What are you doing?

- I know how to save the podcast.

- So...

it's like Substack for podcasts?

Totally subscription-based?

- Exactly.

- I fucking love it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's totally on-brand.

Fuck the woke police. We don't need 'em.

- Don't need 'em. - It's genius.

- Thank you. Thank you, Matt.

- Yeah.

- You just came up with all of this in a dream?

- Crazy, right?

- Hey, Nate, you wanna throw tonight?

- Oh, tonight.

Tonight, like, I... jeez.

Tonight. Do we have a thing tonight?

- No. I mean, yes.

- Yeah. Yeah. - You do?

Hey, hey, uh...

do you remember that crazy Simon guy,

how he was gonna... what was he?

He was gonna blow your fucking brains out

and I saved your ass? - Yes.

Yes, and I really appreciate it.

I do. I just...

I can't throw tonight. I'm sorry.

- Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, fine.

That's fine. That is fine.

It is.

Oh, guys, you know what?

If we're gonna do this new model,

we should have, like, a premium level.

You know, like, uh, "Ripper Superfans."

You know? We give them an early heads-up

on upcoming content.

I think they'd really love that.

- What?

- I just really miss murdering people.

- Hmm?

- Look, it's who I am. It's what I do.

- Oh, I wouldn't say that. - But guys. Guys.

I've actually already chosen someone.

- What?

- And, spoiler.

You're gonna love it.

- What does that mean? - So I'm gonna do my thing,

we'll regroup, touch base...

- What do you mean, you're gonna do your thing?

- See how you feel. - No.

- Let's just call a time-out here.

- Maybe we touch base now.

- I can't. I'm busy. I'm sorry.

Okay. - Can we...

- Matt?

- What are we gonna do?

He won't stop talking about his "new content."

- He's gonna announce it on the podcast.

So it takes weeks. We got time.

- A-and Ruby? What are we gonna do about her?

- We gotta cut her in.

We got no choice. We "Godfather" it, okay?

We bring her in close, keep an eye on her.

- No. You know what happens when you bring Ruby in close?

Someone ends up with a fantastic blow job,

and that someone is not gonna be me.

- Okay. So what's your idea?

- We keep her the fuck out, okay?

And if she comes at us, then we'll deal with it then.

- Wouldn't have this problem if you didn't drop the burner.

- Are you serious? Is that what this is about?

The burner?

I wanted to get the dog out of there,

and you knew it. I told you five times.

- Okay. So this is my fault.

- I asked you to take the dog out.

You kept saying no. So whose fault is that?

I'm outta here.

- Hey.

Don't do this! Please, come on!

Oh.

Oh.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! Ahh!

- My eyes! Oh, my God!

I can't see!

- Get away! What are you doing?

- My eyes! - What is wrong with you?

- What is wrong with you?

Don't you have, like, a job or something?

How do you have time to do that?

- Oh, my God.

- That was, like, something out of "National Geographic."

- What are you even doing in here?

This is a jerk-off zone. Everyone knows that.

- Well, my jerk-off zone is broken.

This house is falling apart. - God.

- How did you even get your hand down there?

- I'm pregnant. I'm not paralyzed.

- Yeah, no, you're definitely not paralyzed.

There's a lot of fast, record-breaking action

going on down there. - Okay, you know what?

I'm not gonna be pregnant-shamed by you.

I'm normal. Everything I did was normal.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- Okay. What's the hot new trends in pregnancy sex?

Please enlighten me.

- Oh, wow. A lot of things, actually.

A lot of hot, sexy, exciting things.

You wouldn't be able to handle it.

- Well, I guess it is like an instant threesome.

- You're disgusting!

- You were getting pretty into it down there,

you and the fetus.

Who's the third party? - Okay.

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you. Sure.

- Wait, so it's, like... Like, a secret fantasy?

So not the husband.

- Be quiet. - Who's in the rotation?

- I'm not telling you. - Tell me.

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. - Okay, whatever.

Whatever. Fine.

He's a... he's a buyer that I'm working with.

I'm actually seeing him later today again.

- You're seeing him again? - I'm not seeing him.

I show him houses, okay?

So I've been seeing more of him.

But, no. It's nothing.

He just happens to be hot and young and very rich

and, you know, whatever.

So when I enter my jerk-off zone,

he pops into my head.

It's not a big deal.

- Can I give you some really good advice?

- No.

- You keep meeting up with this secret fantasy guy

in these big, sexy houses,

you're gonna end up having sex...

Like, weird sex...

For real.

- Hey, what's up, Coach?

- Hey. - How you doing?

- Finally fixing the crack.

- Yeah, man. The pickleball guys complained.

I mean, they get shit done.

- Wait, what? The pickleballers?

- Yeah.

- I've been trying to get this crack fixed for weeks.

- They're pouring cement tomorrow, man.

I mean, this whole fucking court

is gonna be exclusively pickleball.

- This is court number one. They can't do that.

- It's like tennis but smaller.

- Fucking pickleballers.

- Nathan.

Nathan.

- Michelle, court one can't be used for pickleball.

- It doesn't matter. Listen.

Um, do you remember vouching for your friend Matt?

You said he was good people.

- I never said that. - Was that bro code

for he's a fucking asshole?

Because he's a douche. Yeah.

He ditched me for no fucking reason,

and he kept telling me that I was a "dead end."

- A dead end? - Yeah.

One minute we're having a great time watching "FBoy Island,"

and the next minute he had this ice-cold look in his eyes

like a total psycho,

and then he said, "It's over. You're a dead end,"

over and over again. What the fuck does that mean?

- I have no idea.

He's going after Michelle. She's the new content.

She's the fucking one. What do we do?

Should we warn her? Call me when you get this.

Okay.

- Help! Help!

- Shut the fuck up.

I will fucking kill you.

- What the fuck is this?

- This was part of the deal, remember?

We still throw.

And, to be honest, Nate,

you look like you need some time with a buddy.

You're still blue, right?

- No.

No fucking way.

First we need to talk about this new content.

- First we're gonna throw.

See?

Fun, right?

You know, Nate,

I gotta tell ya,

when you guys first came to me with this,

I thought one of us would be dead in a week.

I mean...

Probably you if I'm honest, right?

But I gotta say, this podcast...

It is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I've got thousands of fans reaching out,

and I can just be the real me for the first time,

and that is all...

All thanks to you.

- I-I don't think it's thanks to me.

- No, no, no. No, it is.

Totally.

Nate...

you have given me the life I always wanted,

and so I wanna help you out.

Now, I know you're going through some stuff...

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- You wanna know what I discovered

when I followed my passion?

Sacrifices... They have to be made.

And I lost a few people that I love.

And you...

I know you loved that dog.

- Don't talk about my dog.

- No, no, but you can't blame yourself.

That's just the world throwing shit at you,

and that's what it does when

you're on the top of the mountain,

and that's where you are, buddy.

You're on the top, all right?

It's gonna test you, it's gonna tempt you,

but you and Ava... You just gotta stay tight.

- My marriage is none of your fucking business.

Do you understand me?

- Yeah. I got it.

- I know about Michelle.

- What?

- You're gonna kill her.

- Okay, but look.

Really, it benefits all of us.

- Please. - Hey.

- Please no. - Listen to me.

It's gonna really help with the spin-offs.

- No fucking spin-offs. There's no new content.

- As a friend, you've gotta listen to me, okay?

It's not your fault, all right? - What are you talking about?

- Look, you didn't know what that guy was gonna do.

- What guy? - Okay, sure.

You put the dog in the room.

- There it is.

There it is.

There's the guy that beat Federer.

You feel that?

That killer instinct?

It's back.

- All right, and here we have your sauna, of course,

and this beautiful cascading waterfall

into your private Jacuzzi,

and a gorgeous ten-person shower.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

- Whew.

- Yeah.

Oh.

- Uh, it's a whole lot of shower.

- Uh-huh.

- Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

We just... I gotta...

We gotta get this out in the open.

We gotta talk. We gotta talk right now,

because I can't take it anymore,

and I think we both know what's going on here.

We are both clearly very hot for each other,

and if we keep meeting in these big, sexy, beautiful homes,

you and I are gonna end up in one of these big showers,

tearing each other's clothes off,

having amazing sex, and coming, like, ten times.

And I can't do that. I am married.

I love my husband, even though that would be incredibly hot

and sexy and sweaty

and all the things that you want it to be.

But it's not gonna happen.

And I'm sorry, sir, but that is...

It's... that's just what it is.

Ugh!

Glad we got that off our chests, huh?

- Uh, yeah.

I-I have no idea what you're talking about at all.

- What?

- So I just thought you'd be a good agent.

I don't... I don't need to come... Ten times?

Was that it? I just need a house. That's...

- You're fucking kidding, right?

- No. - You haven't had the...

You haven't thought the things that I'm...

That I thought? You haven't...

- Not even once.

- Oh.

- You're pretty, though. - Oh, my fucking God.

- Hey.

- Sure I can't get you a drink?

- I'm good, thank you.

- So what's this about?

- I know Ava told you.

That I know about the podcast.

- I think you should come back when Ava's here

and we can all talk about it.

- Yeah. Yeah, no,

I already tried that at the party.

She wasn't interested.

- Well, then that's it. If Ava's out, I'm out.

- Well, just hear me out.

You guys have put me in a really bad spot here.

- We have? - Yeah.

- We're the only three people on the planet

who know who the Westside Ripper is, right?

And the only reason that you guys aren't going to the police

is because of the podcast, but, see,

I don't have the podcast.

So I'm thinking I should just turn this guy in,

otherwise I'm just letting him kill

more innocent people, right?

- He's not killing anyone.

- Are you sure about that?

- Okay, Ruby, let's... Let's... come on.

Let's work together on this.

What if... what if we gave you, um...

50,000 per episode?

Do you think I came here to ask you for money?

No, I don't need money.

I want a front-row seat to the Westside Ripper

becoming the biggest celebrity on this fucking planet.

- That's what you want?

- I mean,

isn't that why you did it?

- Ava's gonna be back any minute.

- Nate, do you remember what you told me in Vegas

on the dance floor?

I would love it if the three of us could do this together.

And I was thinking that...

Maybe you could talk to Ava about it?

Wouldn't that be fun?

- Hey. - Oh, my God.

Hi. I got your message.

- It's all good. Michelle's safe.

I talked to Matt.

- Oh, okay. What happened?

- Close your eyes. - Why?

- I'm gonna... Hey, I'm gonna blindfold you.

- You're not putting that on me.

- Well, I gotta... I'm gonna... - No.

- Okay, I gotta put it on in the car.

I gotta... - I'm not putting that on.

- I... just trust me.

I got a surprise for you. - I don't think so.

- Just... just trust me. Just put it on in the car.

- All right. Can't see. - We're almost there.

- You know I'm pregnant, right? - I got you.

- All right. But where are we?

- Okay.

- All right. Come on.

Where are we? - Okay.

- Happy anniversary.

- What? - Our Malibu dream house.

I've been tracking it for a while.

I just pulled the trigger.

It's a lease with an option to buy

in case you don't love it.

- Well, I... of course I love it,

but I think we... can we talk about this for a second?

- Look at this view. Look at this killer view.

Gonna swim with the dolphins out here.

Look at this spot. - Yeah.

- It's amazing, right? - Yeah.

I...

- Gonna have the best summer of our lives here.

Do you like it?

- This is beautiful, babe, but, like,

what... what are... What are we doing?

- What do you mean what are we doing?

We're... it's our dream house.

That's what we're doing.

- We have been struggling big time.

I think you know that, right?

And a marriage can only stretch so far before it breaks,

and I don't want us to break.

- Don't worry. We're not gonna break.

No one's breaking here.

- I think this whole fucking situation

has put way more pressure on us

than we actually thought it would, so I...

- Yes. Yeah.

The world is coming at us. That's what it does.

It tests you. It tempts you.

- What does that mean?

- It means that we gotta stay tight.

That's why I got us the house. Oh.

- Okay. Babe, it's not about the house.

The house is amazing, but it's not about the house.

It's about us. I want us to be happy.

We haven't been connecting at all.

We were fighting about everything... the burner,

Ruby, the dog... Doesn't that bother you at all?

- What bothers me is that I just made our dreams come true

and, for whatever reason,

you wanna focus on busting my balls.

That's what's bothering me. - Oh, my...

Why do you have to do this? - It's never enough.

- That's not true. - It is true.

It's been true for 12 years.

- Don't "12 years" me!

- Yeah, you're so busy comparing us

to all your rich friends... The house is too small.

The yard's too small. The car sucks.

- Is that the kind of person you think I am?

You think I am that shallow?

- Does it really matter I didn't make the top ten?

- Oh, my God.

- I'm sorry I didn't make Federer money.

Does it really matter? I'm still the same person.

Let me ask you... I'm just curious.

Where's the cutoff to stop loving somebody?

Is it a top ten? The top 20? What is it?

- I have never cared about the money.

I care that you gave up!

- I gave up on tennis?

Are you serious?

I tore my fucking ACL!

- You gave up on life!

You gave up on us!

- Where are you going?

You're leaving? - Yep.

Doesn't feel good, does it?

- Come on. Don't do that. Please.

- Oh, my Go... ahh!

Oh!

kids: Nice shot, Dad.