Original subtitles

Wakey-wakey, count Dracula. It's time to rise and shine!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

How dare you break into my castle?

Hi, everyone. I'm Max.

Hey, bat-breath, you've got the camera

- the wrong way round! - Huh?

Point it at me!

No! Not at my tummy!

And definitely not at my butt!

Today we are experimenting with...

With this!

The magical amulet of baba yaga.

It bestows magical powers to whoever holds it.

I am totally not supposed to have this.

I snagged it when she wasn't looking,

but it's ok.

She's a good witch now. We all hang out together.

Ok, so there was that time

that she did turn us into monsters.

And we fought count Dracula.

Don't worry, he's not coming back any time soon.

We trapped him in his castle so he can't escape.

And, to be honest,

it was actually pretty cool being a super-strong werewolf!

Ilovedil

but the curse only works when my family is unhappy.

And we're all happy again now. Apparently.

So, back to the magical amulet.

Imagine if you will...

The marriage of magic and science!

I can make the world a better place,

just like my heroes, the starrs!

We '/I make the world a better place!

This is outrageous! Who are you?

My name is Mila. Mila starr.

And we have some tests to do.

Tests?

- Ok, what smells gross? - What are you doing?

Hmm. Thought so. You've got a cavity.

Third molar, top right. I mean left.

I knew it! It's been hurting me for decades.

When was the last time you flossed?

Er... thirteen hundred and...

Dental hygiene, inadequate.

You dare to insult count Dracula,

the prince of darkness?

You shall pay dearly for this!

I don't think so, your highness.

Just sit back...

And relax.

Hmm, that one was still ok.

Ok, experiment number one.

What is that smell?

That can't be me. I just showered three days ago!

Change of plan. New experiment number one.

Magical everlasting deodorant!

By night, by day, send foul odours away!

Yes, yes, yes!

No, no, no!

Mum, dad. I've caught Dracula!

Of course you have!

You are the best daughter in the world, Mila.

You're the very best.

So, what's my next mission?

Capture this witch.

Experiment number 27.

I will transform a bat into a handsome prince!

By day, by night, create regal might!

It's working!

Yes, it's working!

It's...

Whoops.

Sorry.

Oh, a message.

School group chat.

Someone's hacked my account and uploaded my dance video!

It's ok. Maybe no one will see...

It.

Dancing? At school?

You've got to stop being such an easy target.

- I was practising! - For what? Dancing with dorks?

I can't believe you've embarrassed me like this.

How am I supposed to show my face in school tomorrow?

What do you care?

I thought you were dropping out of school.

That was supposed to be a secret!

And I haven't decided yet.

Well, I think you should.

They'd have to invent a whole new alphabet

for your grades to get any lower.

I got a c in home ec!

Guys, I'm sorry to interrupt your argument,

but we do have a wedding to go to.

Tell that to Max! He isn't even ready yet!

The wedding is today? I'll be two minutes.

Remember the time we nearly died fighting that evil vampire?

- Er, yeah. - Sometimes I miss that.

What is taking them so long?

Don't weddings make you feel romantic?

Not when we're late for them.

Don't hug me in public.

Ah, freak out!

Le freak, c'est chic

freak out

ah, freak out!

Le freak, c'est chic

freak out

have you heard

about the new dance craze?

Listen to us

I'm sure you'll be amazed

big fun to be had by everyone

it surely can be done

ah, freak out!

Le freak

freak out!

Come on, Max.

Max wishbone, get into this car right...

Come on, dig it!

Come on, dad, we're late. What are we waiting for?

I love a wedding, don't you?

Fay, you hardly say two words these days. Are you ok?

Of course. Oh, apart from the fact

that I have absolutely no future!

Why would you say that, sweetheart?

You really don't know, do you?

- Fay's dropping out of school. - What?

- Oh, Max! - Fay?

I'm not. At least I don't... I don't think I am.

You are not quitting school!

Out of the way! I'm driving here!

Ok, let's go.

I'm no good at anything!

I'm flunking everything

and you'd know that if you paid any attention to me!

But we do pay attention to...

Everyone in my class is good at something.

Ashley is a runner, Jenny won young journalist of the year.

This is Taylor.

She's 16 and she's going to medical school.

And do you know why that is?

She's really good at science stuff?

Her parents support her!

All of my friends' parents support them.

- We do support you. - Oh, really?

I was in a play last week and none of you came to see it.

- I got held up at the book shop. - I had a meeting.

Well, you were playing a sheep.

And not even the main one.

We're always here, fay.

We just don't feel the need to be like those parents

who watch their kids' every move.

We trust you to make your own decisions.

And there is something you're really good at.

Really? What?

Staring at your phone.

Did you know that smartphones

are covered in 18 times more germs than a toilet seat?

Eat this, then!

What's this you're sending me, fay?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You just look so funny.

No one laughed at me when I was a werewolf.

I told you we'd make it on time.

Come on, disco king.

Erm... Didn't you use to be a frog?

- What's up? - Those are girls from my school.

80? Go and say hi.

I don't want them to see me.

What's the problem? You look great.

I do, dontl?

- Is that Max? - Wow.

And shared.

Can't you get through one day without embarrassing yourself?

This is bullying.

I'm gonna talk to their parents,

and their teachers and their teachers' parents.

Please, let it go, mum.

- But they're making fun of you. - You'll just make it worse.

Max, it'll be ok.

Oh, you two look so sweet!

This is the happiest day of my life.

Sorry we're late.

No late, on time you are.

Hey, fay. Put your phone away.

Don't shout, frank. We're in church!

- That was my foot. - My wedding, this is.

You are now being happy.

Pronto.

Or else I will be turning you into...

Sorry, reverend.

This isn't the time for cursing, this is the time for loving.

Emma, frank, you being witnesses.

- Fay, you be taking photos. - Fine.

Max, please try not to trip over your trousers.

Now, who wants to married getting? We do!

Will you, renfield, take this woman, baba yaga...

To be your wedded wife, to love her,

comfort her, honour and keep her...

In sickness and in health...

Ok, I guess I'm no good at photography either.

Wait? What is that?

Until death do you part?

What is it you are wanting at our wedding?

You.

I think you are not knowing what it is you are facing.

My amulet!

Uh-oh.

I know I've got it right... right here.

Somewhere.

Leave baba alone!

Cool trousers. Do they make them in your size?

Who are you any...

Way?

Why would I want to tell you that?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a job to do.

Not my baba!

Baba!

Stop the drones!

We need to get the controller from whoever she is!

I'll get her!

Ok, maybe I won't.

Baba!

Baba! My snookie-pooks!

Just hand it over.

You don't stand a chance against me.

I've got skills.

What? Ordering pizza?

Neverjoke about pizza.

Let go, pizza boy!

Don't call me pizza boy!

- Ew! - Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Give it back!

Yeah, never.

Er, guys? I don't think

you should be throwing it around like that.

- Why not? - Because of that.

Baba, hold on!

Trying!

Baba!

Baba!

I'm right here, pizza boy.

Baba, my snookie-pooks! I'll save you!

Going somewhere?

Huh?

What are you doing? We'll crash! You're too heavy!

Ok, so I could lose a few pounds.

No need to get personal. Now, let go of my friends!

Baba!

After them!

Max?

Let go! I'll catch you!

No, no, no! Not again!

What am I doing?

- Watch out! - I can't see anything!

Right! Go right!

No, that's left! The other way!

- Why didn't you turn right? - That was right!

Phew, that was close, pizza boy.

Are you crazy? We almost got killed!

You can't even tell left from right!

Bye-bye, pizza boy!

Oh, and give us back baba and renfield!

Why are you all spinning around like that?

The end is near!

She can't even tell her left from her right.

Stupid girl. If I was still a werewolf,

I'd have shown her what's left and right!

I couldn't save them.

You did the best you could, sweetheart.

- But it wasn't good enough. - Welcome to my world.

I haven't got a chance against that girl, but...

Werewolf Max does!

Max, no!

Just one tiny spell.

Mum! He's gonna turn us all into monsters again!

Max, what did we say about cursing the family?

But I won't change all of us. Just me!

Max...

Magic is best left in the hands of the professionals.

Look, I've been practising.

I'm practically a witch myself.

By fire, by light,

by all things bright...

Frank, do something!

Prepare me for the fight...

Ok! What, exactly?

On this magical monster night!

I told you!

Stop him!

Yes! Were-Max is back!

Great job, Max.

Come on, old flicker box!

Live from the starr headquarters,

join our favourite inventors, Marlene and Maddox starr

unveiling their mind-boggling tech

to make the world a better place!

Welcome, folks!

Let's take a look at our new starr rocket cruiser.

Blazing-fast ignition, three supersonic boosters.

Carries a load of 50 tons, no biggy. Let's stay focused.

Because on top of it all, it's remote controlled.

Simply press this field

and the burning chambers are preheated in five seconds.

After that, everything is ready for take-off.

Welcome back, my darling.

Hi, mum.

Why have you brought me three creatures?

The husband was a bit too clingy.

And did anything else happen?

Well, there was some resistance among the wedding guests,

but I was able to deal with it quickly.

Oh. Can't have been that quick.

You're 14 minutes behind schedule.

Mila will make up for it next time. Right?

Of course I will.

- Ok! Let's take a look at this. - Already?

Can't we hang out for a little while

before I have to leave again?

Mila, our project is to save mankind.

There's nothing more important.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Right! Your new targets are Nessie, the Loch Ness monster,

and yeti, the snow monster of the himalayas.

Ok. There's no way those two monsters

are going to fit inside the starr-copter.

Then it's a good thing we invented this.

What is it?

A shrinking-ray gun.

One day, all the world's plastic waste

will be shrunk to the size of a single atom.

Wow. Nice going, mum and dad.

I'm going to make you regret the day

you messed with wilberforce renfield!

Excuse me, we're the good guys.

It won't hurt him, will it?

The process is completely painless.

I must warn you, I've got a white coat in karate!

You guys are geniuses!

When I grow up, I want to be just like you!

Of course you do. You're a starr.

And we starrs...

We'll make the world a better place!

I won't be long!

This was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

So, now I look like

3,000-year-old meat loaf again.

I'm putting all your embarrassing photos online.

I told you not to play with baba's amulet.

You are absolutely impossible.

Turn us back, right now!

I'm sorry. I... I can't.

What do you mean, you can't?

Huh?

Don't you remember?

The first time baba used a spell,

she only wanted to change mum into a monster.

But the spell changed us all because...

Because we were unhappy.

And we only changed back when we were happy again.

Great, so we're gonna be monsters forever.

So, I guess it's true. We're an unhappy family again.

Did you really need magic to tell you that?

I'm sorry. It's all my fault.

No, mum. It's not yourfault. It's dad's fault too.

What?

Ok, so I guess we're down to one responsible parent again.

Hey! Look on the bright side. Now that we've monstered up,

our odds of saving baba and renfield

have risen exponentially.

I hate it when you speak nerd.

Look at us! We're faster and stronger.

Mum's a vampire, you've got mummy magic.

We can totally get them back!

Ok, you've got a point, I guess.

But how can we save them if we don't know where they are?

- With this. - Sweetheart, no offence,

but you haven't exactly got the hang of that thing.

Frank! No!

Sorry!

Trust me. I can find anyone.

All I have to do is think really hard about them.

By day, by night, bring me second sight!

You are supposed to be finding baba and renfield,

not your new girl crush.

She's not my crush.

She's just a girl

who I totally can't stop thinking about.

She can't even tell left from right.

Where's she flying to?

Scotland, Loch Ness.

That girl is our only lead.

Can you get us there?

Sure. I know baba's teleportation spell.

Couldn't we just book a flight?

There's no time! Disappear, pronto!

Disappear, pronto!

Disappear, pronto!

There are now claims

that the former president is in fact a martian.

- Who are you? - Just fans.

Disappear, pronto!

So, we're back where we started.

I think that's enough magic, don't you?

Ok. But how will we get to Loch Ness now?

Er... mat-met.

Mat-met.

Is it just me or is dad making less sense than usual?

Mat-met.

- Oh, he means bat-jet. - Mat-met.

- Dracula's bat-jet? - It's in Cheyenne's barn.

Your dad thought it might come in handy one day.

Uff da!

Do we even know how to fly it?

- Well, how hard can it be? - Er, very.

Come on! We're wasting time.

- Ooh, I feel strange. - Mat-met.

Mum, what's the matter?

I feel... ooh, I'm hungry.

Cheyenne's still in India,

so let's head straight for the barn.

Blood! Put me down!

Mum, I can't believe you had Dracula's bat-jet all this time

and didn't tell us!

- Yeah, I don't think... - Hungry!

Mum and dad are really up for answering questions right now.

Uff da.

- The bat-jet! - Ha, I knew it.

That's no lawn mower.

You need a pilot's licence for that.

Ah, you must be Cheyenne's annoying neighbour.

He won't be annoying once I've drained his blood!

That's it! I'm calling the police!

Look deep into my eyes.

You're a beautiful dancer.

And now you dance the dying swan.

I'd forgotten how much fun this is.

Oh! Put me down!

Hungry! Let me go!

Not like that!

Er, why are you looking at me like that?

- Hungry! - Ok, that's not good.

Er... I've got an idea.

Keep her busy!

I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

Blood! Hungry!

Mum, I know what you're thinking,

but trust me, I taste like a mouldy sandwich right now.

Dracula had a stash of plasma pills in his food locker.

- Fay, I'm so sorry! - You tried to drain me of blood.

Great parenting, mum.

Er, does anyone actually know how to fly this thing?

Renfield does,

but he's kind of captured right now.

Maybe there's a manual in the glove compartment.

I don't think there's a manual or a glove compartment.

It's just a matter of discovering the user interface.

It's probably intuitive,

so, if I'm the pilot and I want to start the engine,

I just press, er, this!

Uh-uh.

Oh, just make it start already!

Your wish is my command.

I am your voice-activated autopilot.

And, yes.

I really do look this good.

- Dracula? - My mife!

It's ok, it's just a hologram. The bat-jet is voice controlled.

For those times when you've got more important things to do

than press buttons.

So, we just tell it where we want to go?

I... I guess so.

Er, Dracula? Take us to Loch Ness.

I've found three entries Loch Ness in the local area.

Loch Ness fish restaurant is 2.3 kilometres away.

Loch Ness tartan manufacturers on the other hand

is 3.1 kilometres away.

Loch Ness, Scotland! As fast as you can!

Dad, I'm in position.

That's great, Mila.

The Loch Ness monster is your next target

for project save mankind.

It has been hiding at the bottom of the lake

for thousands of years.

She looks kind of friendly.

No! It's a monster, Mia, and definitely not friendly!

Of course, sorry, mum. I...

- I'll have to call you back. - Don't you...

Dare disconnect us.

She's getting more wilful every day!

Don't worry, we only need her to fetch the remaining specimens.

Then our collection will be complete,

and her mission will be over.

What is that girl doing here?

Judging by the way she grabbed baba,

I'd say she's some sort of hunter.

I bet she's here for the Loch Ness monster.

That's ridiculous. Nessie doesn't exist.

Said the vampire to the werewolf.

- I'm sure I'm right. - Who are these weirdos?

Well, maybe it does exist.

Nessie sightings have been reported

for more than a thousand years.

And, fun fact, since 1934,

Nessie has been a protected species.

There is nothing fun about those facts.

There's her 'copter, but I can't see her.

Hey! Don't touch that!

Who are you?

Where are our friends?

- Pizza boy? - Yeah!

I mean, no! I'm were-Max.

So, you're a werewolf now?

Exactly!

At least you're not wearing

those ridiculous trousers anymore!

Exactly!

Cos you're not wearing trousers at all!

Exactly.

That's enough!

Now, listen here, young lady.

Sorry, I don't really have time to listen, old lady!

Uff da!

Which do you like better?

Basketball

or football?

Huh?

Frank, wake up. Wake up!

Hey, Supergirl.

Time for a little hypnosis.

Look deep into my eyes.

You are going to dance like mc hammer.

Look in my eyes, man, you can't touch this

yo, let me bust the funky lyrics

fresh new kicks and pants

you got it like that, now you know you wanna dance

so, move, outta your...

You gotta...

Look in my eyes, man, you can't touch this

ready for round two?

Sorry, pizza boy! I've got work to do.

Stop calling me pizza boy!

Mila? Are you all right?

Hi, dad, sorry for the little interruption earlier.

Let's get to work.

Uh, ok, right. Where was I?

Ah, yes! We've added a little update to your suit

to help you find the monster.

The last attempt to find it was in 2003

using 600 sonars, which we hacked.

We altered their results so they couldn't find the monster.

But you'll manage in no time! Just follow the drone.

Wow, beautiful plants.

What is it?

You? Again?

Come on, come on!

What... what happened?

That was pretty brave.

Brave? Me?

And also really stupid.

I won't let you take Nessie.

You've got to stop trying to beat me.

You're only going to get hurt.

You saved me.

Of course I did. I'm one of the good guys.

Oh, great.

Because of you, I'm totally behind schedule again.

Thanks, pizza boy.

My name is Max. What's yours?

Erm...

Come on. If we're going to be nemeses,

we should at least know each other's names.

- Mila. Mila starr. - Starr?

As in Marlene and Maddox starr? The tech wizards?

Well, I just call them mum and dad.

Whoa!

Yep, they're pretty "whoa", all right!

Those guys are geniuses!

They've made billions with their inventions,

and they give it all to charity.

They have financed 1,111 orphanages

all over the world.

How come I know everything about the starrs

but I didn't know they had a daughter?

Well, they're keeping it secret.

- Why? - They're geniuses.

If they told me, I probably wouldn't understand.

Are you sure it's not because you're flying around the world

trapping innocent witches and sea creatures?

That's a beast.

She's no beast!

Just look at her!

She just doesn't want to be called names.

Or be made fun of because she's different.

And you definitely shouldn't take photos or videos of her

when she's dancing.

And put them on... ow!

Oh! And put them online for everyone to laugh at.

You've stopped talking about the monster, haven't you?

Good guys don't do what you do.

It's... it's all for a reason.

And what reason is that?

I'm not supposed to say.

Wait!

- Frank, wake up! - Can't touch this

wake up!

Look in my eyes, man, you can't touch this

mum, dad, fay! We've got to stop her!

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Wake up!

Come on.

Wake up!

Oh! Finally!

We've got to get to the jet!

Can't touch this

We have to follow that monster!

She isn't a monster.

She's just made some bad decisions.

You were talking about Nessie, weren't you?

So, you've got a thing for the weird girl

who catches monsters.

No! There's just something not quite right about her.

Yeah, she's a kidnapper.

No, there's... There's something else.

- What? - I don't know,

but I'm going to find out.

Dracula, do not let that starr-copter get away!

Your wish is my command.

Thank you for choosing Dracula airlines.

We hope you have a pleasant flight.

Please stow your luggage out of sight

and prepare to surrender your soul

to the prince of darkness.

That's me.

Please remain seated throughout the flight,

with your seat belt tightly fastened at all times.

In the unlikely event of cabin depressurisation,

an oxygen mask will fall from an overhead panel.

Ah! So that's where I put my bowling ball.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Jet, touch down, gently.

Welcome to the himalayas.

As you disembark, please remember your luggage

and to tell your pilot just how devilishly handsome he is.

You won't give up, will you, pizza boy?

I'm not wearing enough bandages for snow!

Look!

Tracks! These feet are as big as yours, dad!

Uff da.

These might lead us to Mila!

Oh, so now she's "Mila".

Uff da.

Huh!

Yeti!

And he doesn't look happy.

I'm sure if we just explain nicely why we're here,

he won't eat us.

Ok, you first.

Greetings, we come...

In peace.

Uff da?

Love is in the air

uff da.

- Uff da. - Every sight and every sound

- uff da. - Uff da.

Love is in the air

in the thunder of the sea

and I don't know if I'm just dreaming

- don't know if I feel sane - uff da!

But it's something that I must believe in

and it's there when you call out my name

Love is in the air

love is in the air

I'm so glad no one knows me out here.

Uff da. Uff da. Uff da.

Thanks for distracting him for me!

- Uff da! Uff da! - Mila!

Sorry, pizza boy.

Gotta fly!

I've got this, dad.

As a human, I might not be good at anything,

but as a mummy, I can do everything!

Fay! Stop spinning!

You're causing an avalanche!

Mila, look out!

We've got to help her!

It's all my fault!

Watch out, kids!

Don't worry, I've got you!

But who's got you?

Uff da!

W... where's Mila?

Mila?

Hello?

Mila?

- Heho? - Huh?

- I'm here! - Mila!

- Pizza boy! - Hold on!

I wasn't planning on letting go!

Can you see my backpack? There's a rope in it.

I'll get it. Don't go anywhere!

Here it is, pizza boy!

I can't find it!

Left pocket!

Red rope!

You meant the right pocket!

I don't need a lesson! I just need a rope!

Stop!

Can't have you fall down too.

Frank, help us!

Frank!

Frank!

Maybe we should get up?

We should.

- Now? - Now.

Max? Are you ok?

No problem.

So, we just saved your life.

I think you owe us some answers.

What happened to our friends?

They... they're with my parents.

What are they doing to them?

I don't know. I just know that they need them.

- For what? - To save humankind!

But, how?

I don't know.

They only tell me what I need to know to do my job.

So, you kidnap our friends,

drag creatures out of their homes

and you don't even know why?

My parents have their reasons.

They can't be good reasons

if it means taking everyone against their will.

My parents are the starrs,

the best and most noble people on earth.

My parents would never ask me to do something like that,

and they're not noble at all.

Uff da.

Mila, think about it. Something isn't right.

I've got to go.

Stay! We'll talk!

Sorry, I've got a job to do.

- Mila! - What?

Ask your parents what their plan is!

Could someone turn on the heating?

Mila! You are 73 minutes behind schedule!

And you haven't even caught the final monster.

- No. And I'm not going to. - What?

At least not until you tell me exactly what you need them for.

- Hmm. - You don't need to know that.

Why? Why is there so much you don't tell me?

Why can't people know I'm your daughter?

Mila starr, you are on very thin ice.

I think we should show her what happens to the monsters.

As a reward? For her insolence?

Marlene, it's time. She's proved herself.

Come with us.

Finally.

At last I get to see what's on level x!

You certainly do.

This is an exciting time for us, Mila.

Your mother and I have finally found a way to save mankind.

- How? - We have developed a machine

which will allow us to live forever.

You mean, no one will ever die?

No more sickness, no more disease.

We will eradicate it all.

That's incredible!

But what do you need the monsters for?

We'll show you, Mila, but no one else must ever know.

Wow, we are really high!

High enough not to be observed by anyone.

Why are they in there?

What do Dracula, baba yaga, Nessie and the yeti

all have in common?

Definitely bad breath,

but I'm guessing that's not the answer.

They've been alive for centuries,

and we have found a way to tap into that immortal energy.

So no one will ever get ill or die.

But what happens to them?

Why does that matter?

I'm pretty sure it matters to them.

They are abominations.

No, they're not!

Mila, it's ok. Nothing bad happens to them.

Really?

Have we ever lied to you?

We're the starrs! All three of us.

And we starrs...

We'll make the world a better place?

Did she say it? I couldn't hear.

We'll make the world a better place.

One more time.

We will make the world a better place!

So, what do you say?

Are you gonna get our last monster?

Consider it done!

Why did you show her all this?

To stop her asking questions.

- Is the test subject ready? - Of course.

Ok, so, now we're here, where do we go next?

I could find out where baba and renfield are,

if mum would let me have the amulet back.

I don't know if magic is a good idea, Max.

It's just a location spell.

I've already turned us into monsters.

What else could possibly go wrong?

Oh, you did not just say that!

Mum?

Ok, but be careful.

By day, by night, give me second sight!

Oh, wow! The unmistakable twin peaks

of the legendary island of tora-tora.

You've found Mila again.

Could you stop thinking about her for just ten seconds?

I'm trying.

You like her, don't you?

No! She's a know-it-all and a show-off.

And she can't even tell left from right.

Wow, he really likes her.

Uff da.

I'm a starr.

I am a starr.

I am a starr.

Pizza boy!

According to the amulet, she's not too far away!

You just can't stay away, can you?

Did you ask your parents what their plan is?

Yes, I know exactly what it is.

But it's top secret, I'm afraid, so I won't be telling you.

Will they let our friends go?

No. I'm sorry. They're too important.

- For what? - I can't tell you!

At least tell us where they are.

But they're our friends.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Well, I'm sorry too.

Well, if that's the way you want it.

Whoa.

Oh, no.

Mila, it's not too late to change your mind.

Huh?

Uh-oh!

Out of my way!

I'll shrink it.

Are you looking for this?

- Give it to me! - No.

Oh, really? You'd rather get squished?

Actually, when you put it like that, er...

- I'll handle this. - You?

Sure. He's just a big, friendly, misunderstood guy.

Look deep into my eyes.

Oh, darn it.

You are powerless against my words.

You will submit to my...

Oh, dear.

So, you like music?

What? You don't like my moves?

Your sister's crazy.

Sometimes I think I'm the only normal one in my family.

Sorry, hairball.

It's the rhythm of the island

I like the sugarcane so sweet

if you want to do the monster

you've got to listen to the beat

I guess that's why he's called king conga.

Uff da?

You're not enjoying yourself, are you?

Maybe.

Hey, we've found something you're not good at!

And you could do it better, pizza boy?

- You tell me. - You are all crazy!

Everybody gather round now

let your body feel the heat

don't you worry if you can't dance

let the music move your feet

it's the rhythm of the island

I like the sugarcane so sweet

monster beat.

- Fay. - Yes?

You were great back there.

I danced, mum. Anyone can do that.

You knew how to connect with a gorilla.

Not everyone can do that.

Yeah.

I guess I just knew what he was feeling.

And you didn't need me or dad to tell you what to do.

That's why we don't watch your every move.

We trust you to find your own way.

You know, I think I might enjoy working with animals.

Maybe I could become a vet or even a scientist

and discover unknown species, like king conga!

Sounds sort of sciencey though.

You might have to stay in school for that.

You know what?

Maybe I will.

What's wrong?

I have never had so much fun.

You know fun is supposed to make you happy, right?

Do other families have fun together?

Sure, that's what family is.

A group of people who annoy you

and make you laugh equally.

I'm pretty sure my parents have never made me laugh.

So, what do they do?

They educate me in chemistry, physics, athletics,

music, arts, computers, Chinese, arabic, klingon.

Klingon?

Well, just in case.

And do you want to learn all that stuff?

I have to be perfect, so they're proud of me.

Don't you want your parents to be proud of you?

But they are, even when I mess up.

Ok, maybe not so much when I lose my trousers.

But mostly, yes.

My parents want my performance to be absolutely perfect.

And even then, I'm not sure it's enough to make them proud.

You're ok, pizza boy. You know that?

You're not so bad yourself.

She's already five hours, 23 minutes and 46 seconds

behind schedule!

- Forty-nine, 50, 51... - Let's see where she is.

Drone, locate Mila.

She's holding hands with a monster?

I'd say that was just an exceptionally hairy boy.

How many times have I told her

not to waste time on other children?

I'm sure it's nothing.

How can it be nothing? She's with a boy! A hairy one!

Who knows what ideas he'll put into her head!

Don't worry. I'll deal with it.

Mila! Finally.

You're mad at me for being late, aren't you?

I'm sorry, I can explain.

No, something has happened. Something terrible.

What? Where's mum?

Mum is sick, Mila. Very sick.

- I'm on my way. - Wait.

You're the only one who can save her.

What do you mean?

The machine is our only hope to save your mother,

but we need all five monsters to make it work.

You have to bring back the giant ape immediately.

Hurry, Mila. Every second counts.

Mum, please be ok.

Dad, I've got him!

Excellent, Mila. Put him over there.

I'm sorry.

Mum?

I just hope you weren't too late.

We're the starrs.

We're the starrs.

We're the starrs. We're the starrs!

We're the...

Starrs?

We make the world a better place.

Uff da, uff da, uff da.

Uff da, uff da, uff da.

Uff da, uff da, uff da!

King conga's gone.

So has your girlfriend.

I thought I knew her. I thought I could trust her.

I... I thought...

She really liked you?

Welcome to your teens, kid.

We have to stop her, for good.

Mum! You're ok.

Of course I am.

Then, who is that.

That's Mila.

- But I'm Mila. - You are Mila 1.0.

This is your replacement, Mila 2.0.

I don't understand.

You've been made obsolete.

Obsolete?

We haven't been completely honest with you, Mila.

Our research failed.

The life energy of immortal beings

can't make humans live longer.

We found that out a long time ago.

We had hoped we'd be able to make ourselves immortal.

After all, it wouldn't be fair

to deprive the world of our genius.

So, our next plan was for our brilliance

to live on through our offspring.

Offspring? You mean me?

In you, we wanted to create the perfect child.

Unfortunately, you proved to be less than satisfactory.

But we starrs never give up.

We discovered that immortal energy can be used

to bring life to the inanimate.

You made a robot and brought it to life?

Don't call your sister a robot.

She is everything we wished for.

She is perfect.

But what about me?

What about you?

I'm your daughter.

Ok, that's another teeny white lie.

You're not actually our daughter.

You're an orphan, selected for your neural capacity.

We acquired you.

You're not my real parents?

We are the starrs.

And you are not.

Get rid of her.

Yes, mother. With pleasure.

Sorry, but I can only see clouds.

- Come on, Max. Concentrate. - I am.

So, the one time you have to find Mila,

you can't actually think about her?

I can think about her.

I'm thinking about how she lied to me

and got me to feel sorry for her,

and made me feel feelings for her,

just so she could trick me.

Believe me, fay, she is all I'm thinking about.

So, do you think you could do the teleport spell?

- Mum! - Uff da.

It's our only chance to find Mila.

But the last time I did it, I nearly drowned us all.

So, we'll just call that a practice run.

Max, you can do this! You have to.

Where are we?

Exactly where we need to be.

You have got to help me.

Forget it, Mila. I'm not falling for that again.

The starrs are insane.

You're just working that out now?

Your family is crazy!

They're not my family. We were never a family.

They bought me to turn me into something... perfect.

What?

But I couldn't be perfect enough.

And now they don't want me anymore.

I've got no one.

That's not true. You've got me.

You've got all of us.

Uff da.

So, we're back to believing the crazy girl?

Am I the only one who has a problem with that?

I know I don't deserve it, but you have to believe me.

And we've got to get away from here right now.

Or what?

Or that.

There are two of you now?

She is nothing like me.

- Who was that? - An artificial life form.

My parents... the people I thought were my parents

used monster energy to bring her to life.

I thought I was helping the world.

Turns out I was...

Making my own replacement.

Sorry to interrupt. I just couldn't wait.

I will not let you hurt my friends.

Now we'll see who's the better one.

What's happened? Where are you?

I'm on your left.

Watch out, I'm coming from the right.

Just kidding this time.

Max!

Stop that lift!

Max? What are you doing?

Saving you!

Got you.

Not to sound ungrateful,

but I think we're still going to die.

- Listen. - I am so, so sorry!

I shouldn't have taken your friends.

- I should have listened to you! - Mila!

I'll never, ever call you pizza boy again,

and not just because we're about to be squished.

- Mila! - Yes?

We are not going to die.

Disappear, pronto!

Ok, that didn't quite go according to plan!

- You can do magic? - Not as well as I'd hoped!

You again?

Disappear, pronto!

Huh?

Disappear, pronto!

Disappear, pronto!

Disappear, pronto!

Oh, no!

Disappear, pronto!

The amulet's losing power!

- Max, close your eyes. - Huh?

Please, just do it.

Think of your family.

Think of what you have to lose

and imagine being back with them.

Disappear, pronto.

Mila! It worked!

Oh, Max! Thank goodness!

We're finally together again.

Uff da.

The curse is lifting!

Er, is anyone else still a monster?

I don't understand. Why didn't it work?

Maybe one of us isn't happy.

Max? What is it?

I'm sorry. How can I be happy when Mila doesn't have anyone?

Don't be sorry. It shows what a caring person you are.

Uff da.

There they are. The lovebirds.

You don't know what you're talking about.

You're just a machine.

You're obsolete, Mila 1.0.

Her name is Mila!

You're coming to live with us.

After all I've done to you?

Look into my eyes.

That doesn't work on me. I am perfect.

And I can't feel pain.

I'm to bring the monsters to my creators.

I am stronger than he is.

Uff da.

That means he forgives you. We all do.

Uff da.

So, you crashed a wedding

and kidnapped the bride and groom.

It's ok. Everyone makes mistakes.

Except our little starr.

You cannot beat me.

I am perfect.

Fay! Stop!

Ah! More monsters. What a thoughtful present.

I'm so sorry.

I can't believe I got it so wrong.

It's ok to make mistakes.

Even mistakes as big as mine?

Nobody's perfect.

You really are the best family in the world.

Not now! I need the werewolf!

This is not a good time to be happy!

I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy. I'm, er...

Who am I kidding?

Best family in the world! Ridiculous!

Look at these sorry excuses for human beings.

How can you stand people like that?

You're right! Max isn't perfect,

and that's exactly why I like him.

Incredible!

I bet none of them even have

a basic grasp of quantum mechanics.

They've got the shrink ray.

This could be our chance.

Mila 2.0, get rid of them.

Time to go.

Er, wait!

Nobody's perfect,

and the sooner we realise that, the happier we'll all be.

We don't need to dress like someone else

to impress people.

We're all ok just the way we are.

And that's what makes life interesting.

Perfect... is boring.

What nonsense!

Only those who are perfect will be liked by others.

I am perfect.

I don't want to be perfect at all.

Correct. And you never will be.

You're full of flaws.

And that's what makes me human.

I... I need more time.

I'm only human

of flesh and blood I'm made

ooh!

I'm only human

of flesh and blood I'm made

I'm only human

born to make mistakes

of flesh and blood I'm made

I'm only human

of flesh and blood I'm made

I'm only human

what are you doing?

Finally having fun!

- That is awful. - No, it's beyond awful.

Having fun? It is so, so...

Born to make mistakes

- ordinary. - Human.

I'm only human

of flesh and blood I'm made

I'm only human

born to make mistakes

you finally made it!

- I'm only human - quickly! Over here!

Of flesh and blood I'm made

I'm only human

darling!

Let our friends go!

Never.

Get off me!

Stop! What are you doing?

I am going to shrink all of you!

You shrunk my parents!

And now it's your turn!

Keep still!

- We have to free the monsters. - Quickly!

- What about Max? - We believe in him.

He'll do it, somehow.

You cannot hit me. I am perfect!

- We have to open the tanks! - Yes! But how?

Just push all the buttons!

But what if we push a wrong one?

Oh, they only have self-destruct buttons in movies.

I hope those are not famous last words!

Open, you silly thing!

It worked!

It's me, fay. Your friend.

Uff da!

H urry, let's take the starr-copter!

I have to stop them!

Not so fast, miss obsolete.

- Give me your hand! - No, me first!

We have to hurry!

Renfield! Snookie-pooks.

My darling.

Baba? Renfield? Are you ok?

I think Dracula's in very good hands here.

Where am I?

Stop!

- Shoot her. - Shoot her.

Which one?

Her! I'm the real Mila!

She's lying!

No, she's lying!

Shrink her!

- Come on, Max! - Come on, pizza boy!

Max, no! It's me. Mila!

Your Mila!

Looks like you're the one who's obsolete.

You wouldn't call me pizza boy.

You will...

Do nothing!

Finally.

Finally what?

Finally, I will have my revenge on you all!

Sorry I asked.

All you puny humans shall bow to the prince of darkness!

The count of bats!

The nightmare of nightmares! The most beautiful...

- Beautiful? - Hmm?

Really?

Yes, beautiful.

I guess beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

Whatever, sister.

The most beautiful creature of the night!

The ruler of transylvania! The king of the world!

The master of the universe!

What the...?

What's happened to you? Why are you so big now?

Listen to me. Obey your ruler.

That's enough!

My big hero!

- You're safe now. - Uff da!

Yes! I was about to say the same thing!

Give me that!

Torture! I hate disco!

King conga, no!

The lab's falling apart!

We have to run! Everyone, get to the lift!

Max, come in!

Mila, we have to...

Mila?

- You go ahead! - Not without you!

- I need to save her! - I know!

Come on! I'll help you out of here.

Humans.

Mila!

Pizza boy is not going to make it.

I won't let him die!

Uh-oh. No, no, no!

Max, take my hand!

I've got you!

What's going on?

I will end your imperfect life.

Max, you need to guide us out of here.

Ok. Straight ahead.

Accelerate!

Which way now?

You know how sometimes you have a problem with left and right?

Max, I can do it. Left or right?

Left. Or the other left.

- To the right? - To the left!

Right! Left!

Right!

And again, to the right!

Those crazy, imperfect children are going to crash into us!

Duck!

Yay! Yes, yes, yes!

I guess I know my left from right after all.

How did you know that I would get it right this time?

The starrs never believed in you,

so you doubted yourself.

That's why you always got it wrong.

But you believe in me.

With my life, completely.

Well, it's about time.

Will you,

wilberforce renfield, take this woman,

baba yaga,

to be your wedded wife,

to love her,

comfort her,

honour and keep her...

In sickness and in health?

I do.

Will you, baba yaga, take this man

to be your wedded husband,

to love him, comfort him in sickness and in health?

Doing, I am!

Oh, I want something just like this

I want something just like this

I've been reading books of old

the legends and the myths

the testaments they told

the moon and its eclipse

and Superman unrolls a suit before he lifts

but I'm not the kind of person

that it fits

she said where'd you wanna go?

How much do you wanna risk?

I'm not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts

some superhero, some fairy-tale bliss

just something I can turn to, somebody I can miss

I want something just like this

mortal fools.

They're no match for my cunning.

I will bide my time and then, when they least expect it,

the prince of darkness will rise again!

Rennie, my bubla.

Have you remembered to be feeding Dracula?

Making the weird noises, he is again.

Sorry, my little snookie-pooks.

I almost forgot.

Mm, black pudding. My favourite! Hmm.

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