Original subtitles

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Why do you have a camera?

I don't know why I can't find anyone.

The camera doesn't lie, or does it?

Recording this just in case something happens to me.

Someone must have seen this.

It's completely out of order.

Stop it! Who's a killer!

Who's a killer!

You want some of this?

Who's a killer! You're a killer.

Always have the camera.

It's too bad there wasn't a camera around

when you needed one, right?

Ooh!

Turn the camera off!

I think you should put the camera down.

No, no!

What's on the tape, man?

When I get back, I'll check the tapes.

d Move everybody

d Come on, let it shine

d Move everybody

d I'm not your kind, your type

Hi, you've reached.

I can't get to my phone, but if you leave a message,

I will probably call you back.

d Not going back

Hi, you've reached.

I can't get to my phone, but if you leave a message,

I will probably call you back.

d Dare see the rage inside you

d Together we fly

d Rise to stand up, defy everything d

d In your sick life

Hi, you've reached.

I can't get to my phone, but if you leave a message,

I will probably call you back.

Okay, no, I'm totally gonna call you back.

Fuck, dude! No, no!

What are you doing, stop it, stop it, God, no!

Okay?

Hi, I am Steve.

And I just got this camera, so I'm now going to be

videotaping stuff in my life and, you know, on my blog.

Okay, that was stupid.

This right here, though, very serious.

It's my rubber band ball.

Steven, you got those files ready for me?

Uh. What are you,

what are you doing? Nothing, no...

Oh, wow, there is Jenna.

Go to my house.

Oh, yeah, right.

You have no chance, dude.

Lunch?

Let's get a little better look here.

Don't you dare... Ah, oh...

Steve? Oh, uh...

What are you doing?

Nothing. Were you just filming me?

No, I, look, I didn't just film you.

Gross.

Whoo, all right, okay, let's get the lights.

Let's check out the beautiful view right here.

Oh, fuck, there you are.

Let me get a little tighter.

She's gonna love me.

d You're higher

d Together we rise

d Rise to the sky and

What the fuck are you doing?

Get outta here.

Right.

Okay, so more about me.

Let's see, I, uh, I was born

in the Midwest, Wisconsin, to be exact.

Moved to the big city, kinda lost the accent.

Yeah, I just, I don't know.

I couldn't do a small town for the rest of my life.

I needed to see what was out there.

So here I am.

Um, yeah, people back home,

I don't know, I guess I was considered the nice guy.

I used to have this crush on this girl.

Oh, man, blonde hair, blue-eyed.

Ah, typical, of course.

Yeah, I used to ride my bike

up and down her block every single day.

I mean, I don't know what I was thinking.

It's not like she was gonna run outside and see me

and wanna jump on me and make mad sex, you know?

Tell everyone at school about it.

It's interesting, though.

Did I wanna have sex with her

or did I want everyone at school

to know that I had sex with her?

Whoa, this is weird.

Wow, I turn the camera on and all of a sudden,

the truth comes out.

Okay, I'm gonna have to

edit this down a little bit.

I this way.

Record.

Record, you shit.

Here is my ex-girlfriend, Kris.

Stop it, don't give me that face.

Stop, okay, really?

I know how we can make this a lot more interesting.

And that is Rick's idea of art.

Yeah, enough said, really.

Okay, oh, wow, this is a cool shot.

Down here we have an awesome banner.

Aw, geez!

Okay, you ruined my shot.

What are you doing?

What's this for, dude?

Let me get in it, can I be

in your movie? Okay, everybody,

this is my asshole roommate Rick.

Say hi, Rick. Hi, Rick.

Inspired. Thank you.

Here, get out of my way, I'm trying to...

Come on. I'm trying to shoot here.

I could help.

Come here, Steve.

Here it is, Stevis Ovarius Rex.

Rarely is it ever seen out in the daylight,

but luckily, he's chosen a park area

where other mates won't see him and rightfully mock him

for the poor performance... Hey, give me that!

Geez, come on, dude, jerk!

Oh. Great, great,

you probably broke it.

Me, I was the one lunging for it.

Aw, fuck.

Sorry, but... Don't worry about it.

The red light's still on, it's probably fine, see?

Look at that, she's coming right down here.

Look at that. Good morning.

Yeah, good morning is right.

Ooh, ooh, okay, hold this, gotta go.

What, oh, yeah, right!

She's so outta your league, Rick.

Ah, yours, maybe, mine?

No, got this.

Okay, I'll... Excuse me,

coming through. Just be here.

Oh, shit! Oh, my God,

what a douche.

I'm good, could you just...

Tell me that doesn't work. Hand?

Wow, sorry, I didn't...

Did I hurt you? No way.

I was just trying to...

d You want this, do you want this d

d Gun show, welcome to the gun show d

d Huh, huh, huh, huh

d I see there, I see there, huh d

Rick, goddammit, get out of here.

Oh, my firm's Christmas party.

Oh, no, look who it is. Oh.

Oh, what's this? Smile, kids.

You're on Candid Camera.

This is shit he's recording for his weblog.

Uh-huh, and who's interested in that?

That's what I said, thank you, Brenda.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, a lot of people

are doing stuff like this.

It's not, like, weird.

Instead of working, right?

Oh! No!

No, Rick... You don't know what's in...

Rick, Rick! Thank you.

There he is, kids, the party animal.

It's Steve.

He's a low level executive in his early 20s.

He's got a medium five-figure salary

and just six payments left on a '91 Nissan Stanza.

It's a beautiful ride, girls.

Come on down, he's a one-drink wonder.

He's into aggressive sex...

Fuck you, man. And he likes to watch.

Just give me the camera back.

No, no, no, no, no. Just give me it back.

You do not know what's interesting.

I didn't know where you went.

Miss me, hmm?

I missed you, come here.

Come here.

I said come here.

It'll be so much fun.

I promise it'll be so much fun.

Yeah, it's all fun and games, Steve,

until someone gets hurt.

It's all fun and games, Steve, until someone gets hurt.

I'll make it worth your while.

Oh. Mm-hmm.

Your yearly review, how do you think you did?

I think I did okay.

Didn't I?

I've seen better, a lot better.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say

that a review of your performance over this past year

is not impressive at all.

So I'm fired. No, I didn't say that.

But you're going to.

Your performance was average.

We don't fire anyone for average, at least not initially.

Look, Steven, I know you wanna be a junior in training,

and for now your data entry work is great.

It's keeping the company running, but, uh,

your behavior at work is a completely different matter.

What do you mean?

People seem to be concerned

about your personality.

You've had complaints.

People just aren't comfortable being around you.

It actually scares them.

What?

That.

You know I can't tell you that.

Aren't comfortable around me.

What's wrong with me?

I can't be the worst person in the office, surely.

What about Rick?

No, everybody likes Rick.

So you're gonna fire me.

No, but this has to change.

How do I change it?

I don't know, find a way, ask Rick.

Okay, thank you, Mr. McGavin.

Busted, shit. Give me my camera, Rick.

Hate it when this happens.

Don't be an asshole. Hi, Jenna, oof!

Give me my camera!

You are such an asshole.

No, people like me.

You know, I don't, I don't know why I can't find anyone.

I always feel like I'm the outsider, you know?

Like there's always,

everyone else seems to be able to do it just fine,

but I've never got it.

I don't know how they do it.

I just feel like I'm, like,

two degrees off, you know?

I need to find somebody,

someone who likes me.

Oh, God, I feel sick, this is pathetic.

Right.

Then who invited you?

I crashed.

What do you do here?

Oh, well, um, I'm a lawyer.

Well, a junior in training.

I do a lot of the after-hours paperwork,

but when I'm really lucky, they give me

the cases they can't be bothered with,

so, come on. Nice.

I'm a junior in training, too.

Oh, nice. Yeah, if I stick in there

long enough, they might give me my own...

Want a ride? No, no, no, I'm good.

You sure? I'm good, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even...

Absolutely, okay. Okay, have fun.

What are you, what, are you...

Uh... What are you

doing with that?

I am, this is kind of a hobby of mine.

I like to document things, especially

the beautiful things.

And honestly, I think that perhaps this might be

the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

I should really be creeped out right now.

Oh, wow, look at that necklace.

Oh. That's gorgeous.

Oh, thank you.

It's, um, St. Christopher, the patron,

Lord's prayer.

Hey, Miss Salazar, happy Christmas.

Hey, merry Christmas to you.

Watch out for the drink, you gotta drive tonight.

Oh, yeah, thanks, I'm okay, merry Christmas.

Can I get your name?

Please?

Vanessa.

I must be desperate.

Just so you know, I don't normally

bring stalkers with cameras into my house.

You are harmless, aren't you?

Oh, thanks, thanks a lot.

I'm just playing.

Oh, you're so pretty.

Can I give you a kiss?

Yeah.

Okay, film me.

Really? Why do anything

if it's not on camera, right?

I mean, alcohol makes me do things I wouldn't normally do.

Don't you want to find out what they are?

Yes, yes, I would.

Mom, who's that? Oh.

Um... I'm Steve, and you are?

Erin.

Erin, cool.

Why do you have a camera?

I'm making a movie about my life

and your mommy's in it.

Can I be in it?

You already are.

Come on, Hun, let's get you tucked back into bed.

Sorry about that, um...

Where were we?

Ideas.

Well, for instance, you.

I know what you've done, Steve.

I have seen the tape, this tape, and the camera doesn't lie.

Or does it, dah dah dam!

What am I supposed to do?

Flip a coin, consult the I Ching?

You know I do happen to like your life better than mine.

Should I stop you and take it over?

Tough choice, what do you think, fellow bloggers?

You think I could get away with it?

The fate of your world, ooh!

It's heads.

Hello?

I didn't give you that.

I know, I got it from your neighbor.

I didn't think you'd mind. Are you crazy?

I didn't think you'd mind.

What, babe, babe, babe, where are you going?

I'm going away from you.

Honey... You know,

this boyfriend-girlfriend thing is really starting

to piss me off.

What, are you trying to kill me, kill me?

Oh.

Now why would I wanna do that?

I don't know.

You are, ugh! I am not.

I would never do such a thing.

What kind of person would do that?

Mm.

Hello.

Rick, what are you doing here?

I always come here.

You are the stalker, remember?

Rick, Vanessa, Vanessa, Rick.

Why, hello.

Nice to meet you.

Jinx. Double jinx.

You can't double jinx me.

I just did, what are you gonna do about it?

Oh, you will see.

I will, huh? Yes.

She's pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, let's go.

Why, thank you, sir.

Why, no, no, no, thank you.

Double jinx.

Uh, you can't double jinx.

That's not how it works.

See, we have to say something at the...

Same time, jinx!

Oh, I got you! Oh!

Okay, guys, you guys are being really...

Stupid? Jinx!

Ugh.

She's all right.

Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah, so, um,

yeah. You know,

we have kind of a strange connection, you and I.

We do, I think we do. Interesting,

don't you think so, Steve?

Just a little. No, actually, I don't.

A little... I think you guys

are being really weird and stupid.

I know, it's true, what are you gonna do about it?

Yeah, you gonna actually put down the camera

and run after us there? No way.

I tell him that all the time and he never really,

can't keep up with me ever.

He doesn't listen.

He's very competitive. He is.

Wow, really. And yet I always

seem to beat him. Me, too.

Funny that, huh, huh. Interesting, mm-hmm.

Okay, you guys are being really stupid.

You've said. Oh, you know what?

What? I think I can take you

in a race, ah! Oh, you can't.

I can, I can... What, huh, huh?

Where are you guys going?

Wait, you guys!

Winner!

Winner, I crossed that line...

Hey, what are you doing up on this floor?

Oh, nothing.

You shouldn't have!

Uh.

Ooh.

I didn't, Jenna.

Nice card.

Sorry, Jenna, you missed your chance.

Oh, in your dreams.

Whatever, you'll be back.

Wow.

Okay, everybody, this is my Valentine's message

to all of you, and for all the ladies out there,

Jenna included, I'm taken.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Hey, baby.

These are for you.

I love you, I love you.

Okay, all right, let's do this for real.

All right, there, okay.

Excuse me, sir?

Sir, did you check in at the console?

Oh. Did you check in with,

sir, hey, sir!

Ah,

I'm a hopeless romantic.

Sir, hey, sir!

She's gonna be so surprised.

Okay, here we go.

Hey, hey, stop right there, stop right...

Jeff...

Vanessa.

Ooh, oh, fuck.

Amor.

Hey, am I doing this right?

Is the red light on?

Mm, mm-hmm, come on, smile for me.

What, you don't like it when the camera's on you, huh?

No, it's not that.

Then what?

Nothing, I, uh, it's just been one of those days, babe.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Here, this will cheer you up.

But wait, wait, I wanna get this.

Perfect.

Mm. Okay, go on, open it.

Okay.

Happy Valentine's Day.

See, he can keep an eye on you when I'm not around.

Thanks, honey.

So are you gonna tell me what was wrong?

Uh.

Mm, I missed you, too.

Is Erin in her room?

No, she's with her dad, Jeff.

Mm, oh.

You are such a wimp.

Vanessa. Yeah.

I know you been talking to Jeff.

How do you know that?

Were you trying to hide it from me?

How would you know that?

Have you been me?

Are you trying to hide it from me?

Just back off. I'm done.

Oh, hey there.

Hi.

Oh, wow.

Baby, you look sexy.

Yeah, are you feeling better now?

Yeah, I feel a lot better now.

Mm, I think you should put the camera down.

Really? Yeah, really.

Why, baby, hmm?

'Cause you need your hands free.

I think you're right.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sh.

Asshole! Oh, I'm a fucking asshole?

Yeah, you're a fucking asshole.

How would you know that?

That's none of your business.

No, it is my business.

You're my girlfriend, right?

What are you doing, fucking him?

He's the father of my child,

and that is none of your business.

I have to talk to him.

How do you know that?

Fuck you, you've been following me, fuck you!

No, you know what, fuck you!

I needed to know and now I know.

You don't need to know shit.

I'm my own person.

Oh, you know what, just go, just fucking go.

My relationship with Vanessa is over.

It's dead.

You know, I read somewhere that the death of something

is the rebirth of something else.

You think that's true?

I don't know whether to believe that or not.

I don't really care.

And to be honest, I'm afraid of death.

It might seem kinda weird, but,

you know, people say that everything comes from your soul.

What soul?

You live, you die.

What else is there?

And I remember when I was a little kid I broke my hand.

I went to the doctor's office and saw the x-ray.

And I saw my bones, just bones,

as if from that point on, I just,

I realized how fragile

life is and how anyone can die at any moment.

It's the scariest thing in the world.

You can't control it.

No one can control it.

And I'm scared.

I'm truly scared and I don't know, I don't know

what to do about that, 'cause I have no control over it.

At least I'm scared, at least I feel something.

No one is available to answer this call.

Please leave a message.

Hi, Jeff.

Vanessa, listen, I know you're there.

I can see you.

There he is.

All right, it's on.

Rick, turn it off.

No, no, camera stays on, my friend.

You know the rules.

Can't you just hide it again?

No, you would see that coming

and use that.

We're good, how ya doing?

I'd be better if you left me the hell alone.

Wow, that's some real live emotion there, folks, unedited

on today's show, the Broken Hearts Club with Steve.

So tell us, your girlfriend's ex is back in the picture

and your jealousy screwed it up, right?

No. Yes.

This from the guy who can't gracefully lose at Monopoly.

Come on, dude, it's me.

No, listen, she screwed it up.

Okay, all right, then.

Well, you know how we're gonna get over that one?

No, but I bet you'll tell me.

Oh, but I will.

You gotta get back on that horse, man.

You gotta go fuck somebody else.

I'm serious.

Yeah, like who?

Eh, I hear Jenna's available.

Oh, here.

That's funny, great plan.

Or Barton.

Who's Barton?

Girl we met in the park.

Oh, no, the girl I met in the park.

You were too slow doing your shy thing.

Whatever, dude. 'Cause that works.

Seriously, seriously, as I see it, you have two options.

One, the park.

For what little I know about Barton, she likes to jog.

She is sexy as all hell, and dare I say it,

she's actually nice, which means you got a shot,

which you better take really fast,

because I will run out and tap that ass.

This is my one offer, take it or leave it.

Or?

Or you track down this ex-husband

and you wait 'til you got him alone,

then you bash his head in with a fuckin' crowbar.

That's just option two, and I was kidding

should the authorities ever get this tape.

No one is available to answer this call.

Please leave a message.

Vanessa, listen, I know you're there.

I can see you.

This is the third message I've left today.

Ah, you're such a fucking bitch, you know?

I know you're seeing him.

I know you're seeing him, how dare you do that to me!

Steven, my office.

Fuck.

Best of luck.

Thanks.

Oh, big fucking joke, huh?

I just got fired, you happy?

Dude, Rick, come on.

Come on, wait, look.

I bet right now is the best time to ask Jenna out.

There's no way she'd turn you down right now.

Fuck all you guys.

You can keep the goddamn camera.

I'm done with this.

I'm done, I'm not posting any more blogs.

And to you, Vanessa?

Fuck you, fuck you, too, Jeff.

d So rise

d To dare see the rage inside you d

What, dude, what the?

So you're gonna show it to our grandkids or something?

Hey, hey, stop right there, stop right.

Look...

Oh, shit! Caught you.

Mother... You son of a bitch.

I caught you. Get the fuck off,

you shit.

God, God, shit.

Steve, Steve, Jesus, man, relax!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dude, dude.

Damn it, I got a hurt shoulder.

You okay?

No, I'm not okay.

I have a hurt shoulder and you made it worse.

Sorry. The fuck got into you, man?

Dude, I was fucking around, man.

Little advice, next time you walk into a room,

make sure you look around first.

Man, you look like shit.

Yeah, so do you.

Really, what happened to you?

I fell, you?

I fell.

Okay. Okay.

Tell me something.

When you fell, you have a camera on you?

Give me my fucking camera.

You always have the camera on you, right?

Always have the camera.

Get the fuck out of my way.

What's on the tape, man?

Oh, wow.

That's cute.

Jenna, come here and check this out.

Here she come. Come here, mm!

I wanna show...

over here.

This is the best, this is absolutely classic.

Oh!

You remember that?

What are you guys watching?

That was awesome.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

Watch your back, I'm smarter than you think, Rick.

I'm smarter than you think, Rick.

Oh, whatever, come on, it's a joke, it's a joke!

Grow up, oh, come on.

Okay, check this part out...

Just feel like I'm

the outsider. Make sure you're

getting this, Brenda.

Ah, yep, yep. Oh, wow.

Uh-huh. Getting it.

Rick, this is great. That's so cruel, man.

I mean, he was fired because of crap like this.

Yeah, hey, I am about to make him an internet star.

You can't put a price on that.

Man, this has got...

Yeah!

Man, how can you do this to Steve, man?

He's your friend and your roommate.

I mean, you invited him into your place.

He pays you rent and you treat him like shit.

He made the choice.

I, I mean, eh, Steve is not my first roommate

and he won't be my last, but I am the best friend

that Steve will ever have, and deep down, he knows that.

He doesn't have anybody else.

His girlfriend doesn't love him, he's lost.

And what's the saying, you keep your friends close

and your enemies closer, right?

I mean, he's, uh, you take a girl like Jenna, right?

Now Jenna falls in love with you,

and I mean really in love with you,

then she will do almost anything you ask, no matter what,

which, pretty fucking wild.

Ah, you just have to give her a reason, real or not,

and how you handle that power is up to you.

But if you don't handle it well,

then bad things happen.

And bad things happened to Steve?

You don't know the half of it.

d Angel severing the love, the ties d

d Severing the vision

d This way

Hello, hello out there.

I guess by now you know my choice, hmm?

The question is this, when did I film this?

Oh, oh, is it the future?

Ooh! d Together we rise

Gah, ha, look at you.

Don't fuck with me.

You know the chick that lives next door,

the kids, corn-fed sex bags?

I'd do her anyway.

d Something too deep

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Sheila, ah!

d Severing it just won't go

d Still in a land you know they're still d

It's just a letter opener.

It really couldn't hurt anyone.

Hey, baby.

Uh-oh, looks like someone had a little too much to drink.

Baby, baby, wake up.

Baby, wake up.

Baby, babe, babe, what the, what'd you do?

What did you do?

Honey, honey, how many did you take, huh?

Baby, wake up, wake up, wake up!

Help, oh, shit.

Fuck!

Breathe, come back, come back to me, babe.

Come back to me, come back to me, breathe, babe, come.

Oh, detective.

She didn't try to commit suicide.

She would never leave Erin.

I was trying to save her, I was doing CPR.

Save her, of course!

That's why you picked up the phone right away.

What were you really doing then?

Hey, hey, you can't talk to him like that.

Yes, we can, who are you?

Uh, that doesn't matter, and this is harassment.

Now if you got something, you charge him.

Arrest him right now.

Rick, no, this is not...

Turn the camera off, sir.

Uh, no, camera stays on, thank you very much.

You remember Rodney King?

Yeah, now if there's nothing further, get out.

Oh, you're fucking her. Rick!

Shut up, I'm helping.

No, sir, you are not. Goddammit.

And I suggest you shut up right now

before you say anything else you might regret.

Tell me something, your boss know

you're fucking your partner, huh?

Great, we're screwed, Rick.

Sir, if I was you, I would watch your mouth.

Yeah, or what?

I got a camera, what are you gonna do?

Oh, you wanna find out?

Yeah, really?

Oh, really? Ben, let's just calm down.

We're leaving now, okay?

Hey, listen to your partner, big boy.

We'll be back to see you.

And sir, whoever you are, I'd be careful

who you show that tape to.

Yeah, or what, you'll shoot me?

Man, I gotta be... What an asshole.

Fucking cops!

Oh.

What the fuck was that, Rick?

That was me protecting you.

When they push, you push back.

Now they're gonna try to pin this Jeff shit on you,

and if you're not fucking careful,

you're gonna take the fall for it.

What I did is just caught them

threatening you on camera.

Upload that, post it on your Facebook

and Myspace pages... No, no, no, no, no.

And they are fucked.

Are you crazy?

No. Listen, I got some things

I need to work out first, okay?

All right, well, you work your things out.

I don't wanna be here when they come back.

We're going out. What?

Whoo! Whoo!

Show me something, show me.

I got it, two points, three points

from the NBA line, oh, my God!

Mm, I love you.

I'm, I'm Rick, hi.

Yes, Steve, oh, my God!

Catch her, dude, she's gonna break herself.

Shots on Steve, shot time!

No, no.

d My bitch is badass

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

No, no, no, I paid for, like,

two songs. No, she's fine.

You're fine. What?

Dude, what is your problem?

What is your fucking problem?

Dude, is this your idea of a good time?

Yes, actually, it is.

This is most guys' idea of a good time.

More booze, bitches.

Here, yours.

d And even on the speed

Seriously, can you bring us two more?

Oh, my God.

Is there something you wanna tell me?

What do you mean?

I mean you are the fucking angel of death, man.

Bodies piling up all around you.

I mean, so far, nothing's been pinned on you.

They've got two dead bodies and a stolen car

and that's all coincidence, but fucking It's

don't matter anymore, man, you know that.

The cops were at our door.

They're looking for somebody to take

the ultimate fall on this, so don't fuck up!

I haven't fucked up, I'm innocent!

Yeah, you should be acting that way.

If I were you, I would use the internet

to my fucking advantage to protect myself.

Talk about being remembered.

Fuck that. Thank you.

Look, dude, I know you're pissed off

about Vanessa, but fuck her, okay?

Vanessa made the wrong choice.

Yeah, she did, she fucking did.

Now here's why I brought you here.

Live a little, look at that!

Isis, will you marry me?

Hey! Let's go, what?

There's no filming. What?

Shit, get the fuck outta here.

Get outta here. Whoo!

Go, go!

Go, go, go, go. Fucker!

Holy shit. You fucking...

Hey, dude, here, motherfucker.

Take it. Oh.

Oh, shit. What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do, huh? Dude, you fucking creep.

Oh, oh, no... Dude, dude, dude.

Oh, no, dude.

Yeah, fuck you. Oh.

Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you.

We don't take your shit. Fuck your money, pal.

Fuck you. Pick it up, your money, pal.

Pick it up, I can't believe

you threw your fucking camera, dude.

What is wrong with.

You're a fucking maniac.

I'm a fucking maniac?

Steve is a maniac, goddammit.

I never fucking... Steve is a maniac,

goddammit. Fucking...

Who's a killer, who's a killer?

You want some of this?

Who's a killer? You're a killer.

What, what, what? You want some of this?

Holy shit.

Oh, my God, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, no stopping traffic. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sorry.

Ooh, oh, my God,

I can't believe you just fucking did...

I can't believe I, I don't even fucking feel like myself.

I don't even fucking

feel like myself. This is yourself, dude.

This isn't you mopey fucking bullshit.

I'm a fucking animal. This is you.

And this is how

an innocent man should act.

I fucking love you, man. Bitches.

Let's go home, let's go home

and fucking... Fuck ho...

Hey, Barton.

You must be Steve.

Yeah, don't worry, I'm a little disappointed, too.

Rick told me you'd be shorter.

Oh, no, that was just a joke.

You always walk around with a camera?

Only to document beautiful things.

Is that your pick-up line?

Yeah.

Didn't work. Uh!

Why don't you try calling me next time?

Next time?

You bring girls up here a lot?

Only the ones I find jogging in the park.

Like me?

Yeah, like you.

Come on.

Whoa, where you going?

Come on!

Hold up.

So why didn't it work out with you and Rick?

Rick is not the relationship type.

Told me a few things about you, though.

Really, like what?

That's not for me to say just yet.

You know, Rick thinks he knows me.

He doesn't.

Hmm, that's too bad.

My friends know me.

Come on, give me that. Whoa, whoa, no, no.

We're gonna check out this cave.

Come on. No, no, no.

Come on, what, you don't wanna be on camera?

No, do you even know

how to operate one of those things?

Oh, what, like I'm some kind of idiot?

What, smile!

Come on, tell me something about yourself.

Like what?

I don't know, tell me something, anything.

Well, my last girlfriend tried to commit suicide

because the person that she was cheating

on me with got murdered.

Are you serious?

Yeah, kinda fucks with your head, you know?

Police still haven't the killer.

He's still out there.

It's too bad there wasn't a camera around

when he needed one, right?

Steve, I wanna go home.

I'm gonna go to the car now.

I need to show you something.

I think you're the only person that I can trust with this.

You're scaring me.

What's going on?

Sit down.

I haven't shown this to anyone.

I found this on Steve's footage.

Do you remember Steve's ex-girlfriend Kris?

Come here. Okay.

Mm.

Mm. Mm.

Okay, so I met this new girl, Barton.

Oh, she is amazing.

I, I like her so much.

Yeah, I mean, it's really funny, though, you know,

'cause you start to think about,

you know, dating someone new

and how it's really great and you just have

these amazing feelings and, and then you start to think,

is it really great?

I mean, am I just, am I just delusional,

because I could swear that I felt

the same way with Vanessa.

I mean, I felt so good,

and the thanks I got from her

was that I'm not good enough.

I mean, I saved her life.

God, you know, I should've let her die.

I should've let her fucking die.

I didn't mean that, I didn't mean that.

Oh, shit, did I hit rewind?

You know, these hermit crabs live for about 40 years.

They like to travel in pairs.

Kinda romantic, huh?

Yeah, if it's the right pair.

How do I look?

You look hot.

You look amazing.

Come on.

Hey, where you going?

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

Hey, beautiful girl right here, remember?

Yeah, yeah, babe, I know.

So what are you doing?

I'm just checking out the view, babe.

Just checking out the view.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Hi, babe.

Hey, what are you doing?

Nothing, what are you doing?

Just looking at you.

What?

Is there something you want to tell me, Steve?

Babe, wha, babe, babe?

Barton, Barton, stop, Barton, stop.

Are you following her?

Stop, stop, stop, stop, sh!

Are you stalking her? Shut up, shut up.

Steve... No, no, sh.

Is the camera on? Just keep it down, alright?

No. Here?

I, I'm not stalking her,

not stalking her, just... Steve, you're sick!

Just calm down. You are sick.

Okay, you're acting crazy

right now, okay? Why are you doing this?

No, no. Miss you.

I miss you, Steve, she didn't want you.

She didn't want you. Shut up, shut...

I do! Shut up, okay?

Steve. No, no, no,

you're overreacting right now.

I'm, listen... Just leave me alone.

Let's go somewhere else.

Let's go somewhere else. You, I don't wanna

talk to you! Let's go somewhere else

and talk. I'm sorry, I just feel like

that thing is watching me. Let's go somewhere else

and talk. Stop it, leave me alone.

Come here. Okay, where were we?

Steve, you...

Barton! Steve, no.

Barton! Turn the camera off!

Turn it off.

Just calm down, okay?

Everything's gonna be fine.

Don't, turn the camera off and leave me alone.

I don't wanna talk about it right now.

Babe, babe, I love you, okay?

Let's just go somewhere else and talk about this, all right?

It's not a big deal.

It's not what it looks like, okay?

Why are you following her?

Babe, I'm not following her.

She just happened to be in my shot, okay?

She happened to be in your shot all the way

across the street sitting down with her friends.

Your ex-girlfriend happened to be in your shot?

Baby, I love you.

Trust me, please. You love me.

I saw how you were looking at her.

You looked at her the same way you look at me, the same way!

What, what are you, do you have,

like, multiple personalities or.

Let's just go, let's just go somewhere else.

Leave me alone.

Barton! Leave me alone, Steve!

Get back... Mm, mm.

Oh, mm.

No.

I gotta check the tapes.

Okay, I'll meet her at the coffee shop.

When I get back, I'll check the tapes.

Hi. Hey.

Nice bag, new camera?

No, I didn't think it would be appropriate.

I'm impressed.

So why'd you call?

I, um, saw your weblog.

My, uh, therapist says that I need to get some closure,

that the reason why you carried that camera around

all the time was to interfere with intimacy

and to distance our relationship from each other.

Wha, was she, you brought me here

because of your therapist?

No, wait... I don't need to be here.

I wanted to talk to you, not for my therapist but for me.

Would you just please sit down?

I have some things I need to talk to you about, please.

You really wanna see me?

Yes.

Look, I care about you.

I care about you, I...

I care about you, I care about what happens to you.

I care about how you feel I treated you,

but I don't feel the same way about you, not anymore.

I need you to understand that.

What, so you have no real feelings for me at all?

Real, yes, of course, they're real.

But not like before.

No, not like before, I can't.

It was too difficult, our relationship was hard.

It's not supposed to be that hard.

You know what, I don't need to be here.

Yes, you do. I don't need this shit.

We can't end it like this.

Can you please listen to me?

No! Why can't we end this

properly as friends, why does it have to be like this?

You saved my life.

Where, where are you...

Mm.

Jesus Christ. You fucking bitch.

Steven, Steve! Get the fuck over...

No, no, no, no! Steve!

No, no! Oh, my God, oh...

Grab her, oh...

Mother... No!

Huh. Huh.

So when were you gonna tell me about your new girlfriend?

I was trying, you son of a bitch.

I know you saw the tape, Rick.

I know you saw everything.

You know, there's a reason bodies are piling up around me.

And there's a reason you have a gun.

Why didn't you stop me while you could, you dumb shit?

I already did.

I've already posted everything up on the internet.

You're done.

Well, after I kill you, I'll just take it down.

For anybody that's seen it, all I'll be is an urban myth.

Come on, Rick, you can't shoot me.

You wanna be me.

Oh, a hurt shoulder?

You son of a bitch!

You son of a...

Come here, you fucking...

No, no! Bitch!

Knife!

No! No, no it's not.

Motherfucker. Jenna!

I will fucking kill you. Jenna!

Jenna, help! I will fucking...

Stop.

Too fucking slow.

You getting this?

Jen,

you getting this?

Fuck yeah, fuck yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, choices, choices, huh, Rick?

Oh, baby, come here, come here.

Are you okay?

It's all fun and games.

'Til someone gets hurt.

Oh, baby, you still love me?

Yeah. Yeah.

I love you.

Oh, baby, I love you.

You, uh, you take a girl like Jenna, right?

Now Jenna falls in love with you, and I mean,

she will do almost anything you ask, no matter what, which...

Stop, you're hurting me. Fucking wild.

Come on. You just have to

give her a reason. Come on, come on.

So this is my last blog entry.

I finally don't feel scared anymore.

I keep thinking to myself, is this the future

or is it the past?

Oh, you know, perhaps I don't need this camera anymore.

Watch your back.

I'm smarter than you think, Rick.

See what I did there?

Man, it's good to see Jenna again.

She was loyal,

'til she wasn't.

Then she had to go.

Let's rewind back to mother and, uh, you.

Alcohol makes me do things I wouldn't normally do.

Don't you wanna find out what they are?

Yes, yes, I would.

Wait for it.

Mom, who is that?

Uh, I'm Steve, and you are?

Erin.

Aw, you were so cute 10 years ago.

I called the detectives.

No, you didn't.

You're right, actually, I text them.

I saw you following me and I text them

before you grabbed me.

You're lying, Erin,

just like your mother did.

Look at her.

She's just like you.

I made her immortal.

Am I, am I like her?

You can't resist, can you?

Always have the camera.

They know, Steve, they know you kidnapped me!

No one knows!

I just got this camera back, and my tape.

It was stolen from me,

but it's back where it belongs.

I love this part.

You're sick!

Smile for the camera, Erin.

I don't wanna be on your camera!

Hmm, let's see.

I'm actually filming a movie about my life,

and your mom's in it.

Can I be in it?

You already are.

Hun, let's get you tucked back into bed.

Detectives Baker and Thompson knew

you would find me one day, Steve, 10 years or not,

and they are going to kill you.

No, no, no.

That's where you're wrong.

We're all alone, no one's coming.

I see you.

Like mother, like daughter.

Who's the killer, huh, who's the killer?

Freeze!

Wow, I turn the camera on

and all of a sudden, the truth comes out.

Who's the killer, huh, who's the killer?

You were.

Oh, oh, I've been waiting for a beautiful shot like this.

It's all about how you're remembered, right?

Right, Rick?

Ah, I love this piece.

Makes me think of all the endless possibilities

that are out there.

Fucking...

Hey, hey, Jenna, give me the camera!

No, Rick.

This is the only time that one can truly be safe

from this powerful and deadly creature.

Look at you. You know,

maybe if you'd put that damn camera down,

you could keep up with me.

Honey, I can't, I'm doing this for our posterity.

One day you're gonna look back at this

and you're gonna see how beautiful you were

and how you could run down the block

without losing your breath.

You know what, trust me, I never look back.

Hey, hey, hey, babe...

Jesus, what the... Sorry, I didn't see you.

I'm, I didn't see you.

Oh, God.

God, I feel sick, this is pathetic.

It's all fun and games,

Steve, until someone gets hurt.

And sir, whoever you are, I'd be careful

who you show that tape to.

You know, some of this stuff has been around for years,

almost a decade.

Who knows where all this stuff came from?

This is the stuff nobody wants.

Just give me the camera back.

No, no, no, no, no. Just give me it back.

You do not know what's interesting.

Squiggly lines, sound and color were all confused.

You'd start out in black and white.

You'd go to color, you'd go back in black and white.

You never knew where you were in time.

Take a girl like Jenna, right?

Now Jenna falls in love with you,

and I mean really in love with you,

then she will do almost anything you ask, no matter what,

which, pretty fucking wild.

Turn the camera off!

Turn it off.

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