Original subtitles

Hello, this is Harry McAlister speaking

from Campaign Associates.

I seem to have missed you, so please leave a name,

number, and a reason for your call

and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Hey, Harry. I, uh...

I didn't want to leave this in a voicemail, but...

you're clearly busy.

I can't do this anymore.

I love you so much, but...

I've called off the wedding.

I know it's last minute, and I know that there

is nothing I can do to show you how sorry I am.

But it has to be this way.

I just wanted so desperately for you to be here today.

Like it mattered.

Like it meant that this was important to you.

It's not that I don't want to marry you. I do.

I really do.

I just know in my heart that I...

I shouldn't.

Please take care of yourself.

What?

What?

Thanks.

Let me look at you.

Are you good?

Are you good?

- Yeah, I'm good. - Are you good?

Yeah, I'm... I'm good.

♪ I'm getting married ♪

♪ Is what the nice people say ♪

♪ It kind of sounds like bore ♪

♪ It kind of sounds like a chore ♪

♪ But I'll get married someday ♪

♪ If only it was easy ♪

♪ To find the right girl ♪

♪ And all the old ones think that I'm a bit young ♪

♪ Or a bit dumb to get married ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

♪ Why oh why oh why is it me ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

Rise and shine, van der Venners.

I'm here with my main man, Harry,

and we're about to kick it across the Cook Strait

for an epic South Island bro down.

For those of you participating in

the Get the V with Van der V program,

welcome to your cheat weekend.

We've been working hard all summer.

Now it's time to have a little fun,

let off a little steam and take your shirt off.

I know I will.

Catch you on the fit-side, mother puppets.

What was that?

Social media, man.

It's changing the PT game.

What, you have to do another one already?

No. This is just, uh...

Have you got a following?

Yeah, I got 31 followers.

Whoa.

We can go.

Sweet.

You don't want to go in there.

It's fine.

Let's go get a drink.

♪ I almost got married ♪

♪ I was three days away ♪

♪ So she rang me up ♪

♪ And said that she wasn't keen ♪

♪ So now I'm running away ♪

Sorry, dude.

It's nothing.

- Are we rolling? - Yes.

Hi, I'm Harry McAlister Get the H with Harry...

I'm Ants van der Venn. Get The V...

You know what? Cut.

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

♪ Why oh why oh why is it me ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

♪ Why oh why oh why is it me ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

♪ Oh-oh, ah ♪

- Ah, here we are. - Hey!

What up, Kekerengu!

Kekerengu!

What is Jess doing living out here?

I don't know.

Maybe she's...

Maybe she's running from something.

Maybe she is.

Maybe it's us.

Oh. Looks like we're here.

Oh, shit.

Harry, wake up.

Harry!

Hi.

What am I looking at?

The venue for our wedding reception.

- Hey. - They emailed us.

They have confirmed our booking.

- Wow. - Guess what?

- What? - We're getting married.

- Yes, we are. - We're getting married.

- Yes, we are. - We're getting married!

Yes, we are.

Get in there!

Let's get on holiday.

Oh, my God, here.

Holy shit.

Holy shit, is that Jess?

You made it.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Oh, good to see you. - Yeah, you too.

- And you. - How are you?

Good, how are you?

Hey, you guys remember Lynne and Chris?

- Good to see you again. - You too.

I'd love to stay chat

but we're going to have to cut and run

because we need to get to the West Coast before dark.

So we're out of here. You enjoy.

- Thanks. - You got a minute?

Yeah.

How've you been?

- Oh, Harry. - Oh.

Thank you.

She doesn't know what she's lost.

That's really nice of you to say. I like to think so, but...

- We don't have reception here. - There's no...

You've gotta go to our top block.

- Okay. - So... we're in the country.

- Sorry about that. - No, that's perfect.

- Yeah? - Sorry to leave that with you.

But there's the work. All right. Thanks for looking after it.

- Okay. - Oh, and don't forget

the wine tasting with Simon tomorrow.

- Yeah. - He's expecting you.

Yeah, cool, I'll tell the boys.

Get out of here, you're supposed to be on holiday.

I will, I will. Just one last thing.

Don't forget that offer we made you,

we'd love you to come and work here.

Thank you. Thanks. I'll think about it.

- Thank you. All right, Lynne! - Bye.

- Thanks, Lynne. - Okay, bye.

Bye, Lynne.

- Love you! - Okay.

- Bye! - Have fun.

Bye.

- Thank you so much. - Bye.

Bye!

What are you two assholes looking at?

So, what has she done with the real Jess Morrison?

- You know? - Are you joking?

You're like the white Hulk over here.

How many steroids are you even taking?

No, I don't... I never did steroids.

- Ask him about the V. - What's the V?

So this was the big day.

Uh-huh.

I feel like we should have

a moment for all the...

The animals' lives that were lost.

Oh, guys, don't get too upset about it. I mean...

the ducks there were all serial rapists,

like full-on gang bang style.

And Thomas the lamb, there on the third shelf,

he was randy AF.

It's actually quite weird 'cause I neutered him.

Watch out, Harry,

one wrong move and we'll be ball-less

in the freezer with these guys.

I'm already ball-less in the freezer, mate.

- We could start drinking. - Whenever you like.

Nice!

Yes, after the funeral,

I didn't really want to stick around.

So, Dave and I took most of the money that Mum left me

and went traveling all the way to the G.C.!

Look, I was being really zen at the time,

and I thought it was gonna be the fresh start that I needed.

I don't know if a trip to the Gold Coast counts

- as a fresh start. - Oh, come on.

You know, I was actually still in Oz

when the quake hit here.

It was quite freaky 'cause it was all over the news

and I didn't know what was going on.

So I just moved back here to help Chris and Lynne out and...

actually never talked to Dave again.

Wait, hold on. So you left all your stuff

at your ex-boyfriend's uncle's apartment?

Yeah.

- Wow, only Jess could do that. - I know, I know.

It sounds like super hipster bullshit, but I love it here.

I mean, I get to be outside every day.

I'm doing a little bit of mindfulness.

Which is good.

Yeah, that sounds good. You're right. Yeah.

None of that Instagramster bullshit.

So when are you come back to Wellington?

I don't know.

I was going to just stay until the wedding.

But Chris and Lynne have actually offered me a job.

What kind of a job?

Wine sales and marketing.

Wow, so if getting drunk and doing stupid shit

is anything to go by,

you'll be more qualified than anybody else.

And I was not that bad. And you two were

- just as bad as I was bad. - Oh, come on.

You flashed my mum at my graduation ceremony.

- And? - My whole family was there.

Well, some dickhead said I had sloppy titties.

- What are sloppy titties? - I don't know.

Well, how do you know if you have them?

I don't know.

- It's still a valid concern. - Then you got so drunk

that you bought 20 kgs of cocktail sausages online.

I had to eat so many sausages.

And don't even go there, Harry, I know it's tempting, but...

you actually have no idea how hard it is

to eat 20 kg of cocktail sausages

when you've spent all of your money

on 20 kg of cocktail sausages.

Okay, no, you're right. I mean, we've all been drunk but

we've never been 20 kg of cocktail sausages drunk.

You used to be a drinking machine, Jess.

Are you serious? I could drink you

under that billiards table if I wanted to. Right now.

- Right here. - You? Please.

You're a shade of your former self.

And no, don't think we haven't noticed you've been nursing

that one glass of wine the whole night.

Look, I'm trying to get my life together in a classy way.

Sue me.

This is getting your life together?

- Uh-huh. - How so?

Oh, come on.

There's no dramas, no loser boyfriends.

And I don't even need to shave my legs.

- Yeah. - I'm living the dream.

Well, get better dreams.

Dream number one, move to Wellington.

When was the last time we did this?

Oh, my gosh. I've got it.

Ants' 21st birthday.

Where we got, like, wasted at your nana's house.

Wow.

Oh, my gosh, you're loving it there.

Oh, my gosh, it looks so...

Wow, you're not loving it there.

That was so... How could you?

Look, in the famous words of the eternal Gloria Morrison,

"If you can't remember it, it didn't happen."

Oh, shit.

That was the night we met Fiona.

Mm, no wonder she thought we were

the worst people after that.

- Peace out, rabbits. - Good night.

- Good night, dude. - Hey, Harry.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, if you ever need to talk...

I got you.

I'm really still... Thank you, I'm just...

I'm just tired.

Good night.

Stealth mode.

Okay.

This isn't scary.

You got this.

Yeah.

Okay.

So it's a little scary.

It doesn't mean anything, fear is but a state of mind.

Okay. Come on.

Focus. Personal trainer, Wellington.

There's nothing to be scared of.

You got this.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Oy, jug's on if you want a coffee.

Good morning, van der Venners.

This morning, we're going to focus on new challenges.

Preparation.

This is what we trained for. This is what we've worked for.

So that when a new challenge comes around the corner

and it hits you in the head like a ton of bricks,

you're ready.

Remember, don't just stay physically strong.

Stay spiritually strong.

Have a good one.

Are you alive, Harry?

Unfortunately, yeah.

Coffee in five.

Yeah. Yeah.

What are you guys looking at?

Are we expecting anyone else this weekend?

No.

What?

Aren't you gonna go out and find out who he is?

Why do I have to talk to the strange man

who may or may not be a serial killer?

Because it's your family home.

Huh?

But if he starts slashing, you better come and help me.

Hey.

Hi. Um...

Morning.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm Jake Barnes.

I'm here for the Sullivan-McAlister wedding.

Yeah, that wedding got canceled.

Oh, I guess they couldn't reach me.

I've been trekking through the Amazon.

The reception's pretty crappy here, too.

Oh, this is Harry.

Harry, the groom that was.

Yeah.

And...

Who are you?

I'm Fiona's uncle.

Oh, well it wasn't my idea to call it off.

Right then.

Nice meeting you.

You too.

That was fucking weird.

That was weird.

I thought he was gonna stab you.

Yeah, I thought he was going to too.

Well, I'm gonna go have a shower.

Guys, don't forget, it's the wine tasting this morning.

You don't have to come, but I am definitely gonna go.

So you guys should think about it.

It's gonna be cool.

- It's gonna be real cool. - Okay.

You know you want to. It's gonna be so fun.

Yeah, see you, Jess.

So how about it, man? Wine tasting?

No way. I'm hungover, bro.

- I'm going back to bed. - No. Come on. Look. I get it.

Yeah, wine tasting isn't the usual crazy boys weekend.

- No. - But it beats

going back to bed like a sad sack.

Do you wanna go taste some wines?

- Yeah we can taste some wines. - You want to taste some wines?

- I'll go taste some wine. - Do you want to taste

- the fuck out of some wines? - Yeah, I'll taste

- the fuck out of some wines. - Let's do this.

...a more sweeter wine to a full-bodied wine.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

It's not complicated.

- Just don't embarrass us, okay? - What do you mean embarrass you?

I would never embarrass you.

I'm just saying, if he throws any gang signs

I'll fucking swing.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

And he drove all the way from South America.

It's not his fault your wedding was canceled.

Come on.

- Hey, Jake. - Well, good morning again.

Hey. What are you up to?

Just waiting on a bus to Christchurch.

What time does that come?

Eight.

Tonight?

It might be nice if

we could invite him to the wine tasting.

Hey, Jake.

We're about to go to a wine tasting.

Would you like to join us?

I haven't been to a wine tasting since Pamplona.

I would love to join you.

- Nice. - Oh, cool.

- Okay. - Come on, guys. Let's go.

Ants, come on.

Coming.

Hi, guys. Thanks for coming along try my wines.

It's great to be able to show you these.

I've got three here for you today,

and they really showcase kind of what's special

about this part of the world, Kekerengu.

So today I've got a Pinot gris

an albariño and a sauvignon blanc.

And first, I would like to start on our Pinot gris, 2016.

Kekerengu is a magic spot.

Really profoundly influenced by the sea all around here

and in the spring the soil warms up faster here.

There's a lot of warm sea temperatures around.

So the roots start working and as the roots work

the bud breaks early.

They're the wines that sets very nicely in our climate.

Mmm!

Yeah.

It's very 2015-y.

All right.

We'll move on, I think, onto the...

Our next wine is very exciting.

Because we're here by the sea, the first...

One of the first things I thought of when I came down here

was the variety albariño,

which is the classic white wine of Spain.

And Kekerengu, I think, is just the perfect match

in New Zealand for growing this grape.

And again, we're trying to make it very,

very tight and dry and crisp.

It's hard to define, but it sits in a lovely little

Bermuda Triangle of flavor.

And lastly, the wine that has put Marlborough on the map

is sauvignon blanc. And this is our...

Our take on what Kekerengu can do.

It's very dry, lip smackingly refreshing.

So how have you enjoyed those?

Right, any questions, guys, about any of these wines,

you'd like to know a wee bit more?

No, no. I...

I'm not gonna hear it. I won't hear a word.

We've got a vineyard down there,

we've got the sun, friends, wine.

We've got beds. You're coming back with us.

Not sure your friend would want me around.

Listen, any friend Ants's is a friend of Harry's.

I'm Ants, he's Harry.

You're a friend. Two and two together. Boom.

#New Friendship.

Right?

Harry!

Jake's coming back with us.

- Wow! - Good.

Good. Great.

What did they say when you said that?

Hey, losers.

Bella.

Hi.

- How's it going? - Yeah.

- Nice to see you. - You too.

- What are you doing here? - Hey.

I, um... I had an early ferry tomorrow morning,

so I just thought I'd stop by and see the gang.

Well, how'd you know we were here?

It's all over Ants's fucking timeline.

Hey, you've got to follower, she follows you.

My social media game is fire.

Fire.

I like your style.

Oh, sorry, Jake. This is my sister, Bella.

Different dads.

- Pleasure to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

So what's going on this weekend, guys?

I want to know why you're looking to me?

I mean, I had plans, but they didn't work out,

so I think we're just going to hang out.

- That's kind of lame. - What?

I wouldn't say lame.

No, you know what, Harry? It is lame.

Because out of the mouths of babes comes truth and wisdom.

Bella is a babe and she has dropped a knowledge bomb.

We have a beautiful vineyard.

We have amazing wine.

I've got my best friend, two beautiful girls

and an American warrior by my side.

We have a freezer full of deceased animals

who gave their lives,

and they are looking down from the heavens.

Okay. Yes, I agree.

R.I.P. animals.

So, boys, why don't you go set out the barbecue?

Bella, you and I could go get some wine from the kitchen.

Yep. I'm coming.

If I don't come out in 5 minutes send help, okay?

I didn't get to finish my speech.

Oh, you'll get a chance to finish your speech later.

Plenty of time.

Where's the wine?

In the garage.

If it's in the garage, how come we're in the kitchen?

You okay?

Yeah.

What?

Um, I haven't seen you since the funeral.

I haven't heard from you since the funeral,

so I just want to know if you're okay,

'cause I'm allowed to be worried.

So you brought me in here to just ask me that.

Yes.

Are you okay?

- Yeah. - Okay.

So how come we are inside, away from the boys and the sun

and you are just in here making a cup of tea?

- Did you want one? - No.

I don't like tea, and neither do you.

Well, I'm clearly pouring myself a cup of tea

to drink the cup of tea.

So I'd say that, whoa, I like tea.

What about we forget the tea and we pour you a proper drink

and we go outside,

relax in the sun, and have a good time.

I don't need to be drunk to have fun.

- Jess. - What?

- Jess. - What?

Jess.

Oh, don't.

- Come on. - You always do this!

- No. - Please give it here.

- No. - Give me it.

You're gonna have a good time.

You're gonna have a good time.

Oh, yuck. You're so gross.

I can feel your boobs.

That's not my boobs.

It's rude.

Give me the tea-towel.

Oh, fuck.

- Go get the wine. - Okay, okay.

Okay, I'll go get the wine.

Are you even pushing it?

If you go heavy, you'll always have a spot.

Fire.

Fire!

Fire!

Yeah!

Meat.

Hoo-hoo! That's some manly-ass shit right here.

Yes.

Hey, when you guys are done being cavemen,

can I get a hand over here?

- Thank you. - How'd it go?

Yeah, it was good, actually.

She seemed really relaxed, Jess, it was nice.

- Good. - Yeah.

It's a lot of wine, eh?

Yeah, I know.

Gonna have a crazy time.

Who's ready to get their ass kicked?

Those sound a lot like fighting words, Morrison.

It's because they are, McAlister.

Pétanque.

Yep, under one condition.

I'm starting to sober up little bit,

so I propose we make this...

a drinking game.

Fine.

But I've played more Pétanque than you've had hot meals, so...

You played yourself.

Uh-huh.

- Who was that? - All right.

- This is gonna be good. - Crazy.

What did I miss?

Well, I'm not entirely sure.

♪ Take me back take me back ♪

♪ Back, back, back, back, back ♪

Rap music.

You know what that means?

Old Jess.

She has returned to us just like the prophecy foretold.

♪ But we won't be doing much sleeping chick ♪

♪ Started five friends deep in the Subaru ♪

♪ Just cruising across the island ♪

♪ We were shooting through ♪

♪ License restricted I hope it's cool with you ♪

♪ Long as the cops don't sniff us out like Scooby Doo ♪

♪ We chasing the sun like Maui ♪

♪ We only living one life bromie ♪

♪ So burn all the money and the greed ♪

♪ Go and find your true self in the company you keep ♪

Do you think she has any idea how white she is?

Of course not.

♪ Tryna make a night we can remember ♪

♪ Think it's gonna be a bender woop ♪

♪ Cruising round the bay with bae time ♪

♪ All we ever needed was a little daylight ♪

♪ No rollie on my wrist cuz I'm on bae time ♪

♪ Do it while the sun is up ♪

♪ Going hundy going hundy for the hundy club going ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club for the hundy club ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club ♪

♪ For the hundy ♪

♪ Pull up to the bach like skrrr skrrr ♪

♪ I'm just tryna get you out your skirt skirt ♪

♪ Girl I'm coming up like your shirt shirt ♪

♪ Cook me some eggs as we flirt flirt ♪

♪ All the beds taken up but no problem ♪

♪ How bout we run ourselves a bath and quit stalling ♪

♪ We been with friends all day you been asking me for it ♪

♪ Maybe all this sun went to my head girl call it ♪

♪ Paw paw on her lips has got them feeling all supple ♪

♪ So I call for a kiss to burst me outta my bubble ♪

♪ Every touch that you give it takes me back to the summer ♪

♪ Cold beers in the fridge and every day is a stunner, ah ♪

♪ We the party that is banging next door ♪

♪ Keep you up the fuck you in your bed for? ♪

♪ Tryna make a night we can remember ♪

♪ Think its gonna be a bender woop ♪

♪ Cruising round the bay with bae time ♪

♪ All we ever needed was a little daylight ♪

♪ No rollie on my wrist cuz I'm on bae time ♪

♪ Do it while the sun is up ♪

♪ Going hundy going hundy for the hundy club going ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club for the hundy club ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club ♪

♪ Going hundy for the hundy club ♪

♪ For the hundy ♪

Okay, guys, team huddle.

Jake and Ants, let's sort out the animals.

Bella can do sides in the kitchen and break on three.

- One, two, t... - Hold on, I didn't get a job.

Oh, just make yourself look pretty.

Break on three. One, two, three.

Break.

Jake.

Good afternoon.

Ants van der Venn check-in here,

we're giving you the Van der Venn program.

- Nice. - Now...

What we have here is chickens.

Now, we all know they make great protein.

But as Jake is clearly showing, they also make great friends.

Today, we're going to talk about the bulking phase.

Right here, we have masters of the bulking phase, pigs.

Hey, do you want to come and feed them?

- Are we gonna go in? - Yeah.

- No, we won't go in. - Yes, we will.

- No, we won't. - Come on, van de Venners.

Talk about the goodness of seeds.

And ducks love seeds.

And, as you see...

It is quite frightening.

Okay, guys. Vineyard sprints.

No, I don't want

- to do sprints. - Vineyard sprints.

Can I do it backwards, like this?

You may not.

You may not.

Go.

And she lunges.

- And that... - How's that?

How's the technique?

I don't know if this is gonna end up on my site.

It's pretty beautiful down here.

Uh-huh.

Got to say on the ride-in, me and Harry thought,

what is Jess doing living out here. But...

I get it.

Thank you.

Are you staying out here a lot, eh?

Yeah.

When we were kids we came here so much.

You know, away from all of the dramas.

And now it's like I get to be on holiday all of the time.

Everything else seems a million miles away.

Yeah, were you have problems.

I'm sorry we sort of lost touch for a while back there.

It's all good.

2016 was a shit year, don't you reckon?

- Yeah. - Wasn't... and it wasn't

you know, your fault.

Yeah, I don't just mean last year, though.

Yeah, I mean, your whole life.

I could have been there for you more

because I never knew how bad it was for you.

Come on.

I pushed a heap of people away and,

you know, it wasn't actually that bad.

Was at the end, but you know the rest of it.

She's a bloody legend.

You know what we still have, though?

S.M.A.C.

The Sober Mothers Appreciation Camp.

- That's the one. - Boom.

Boom, boom.

Can I still be in it?

- You're member for life. - AW, thanks.

Yeah.

I think this is the deepest chat we've ever had.

Ever.

Kind of awkward, hey?

- Sort of. - Sort of.

Why haven't we ever talked properly ever?

The elephant in the life, Harry.

Yeah. He really...

hasn't shut up in, like, 25 years.

I never knew you.

What do you think he's doing right now?

Hey, can I help you with anything?

- No, I'm good. - Are you sure?

Actually, I've got everything covered.

Okay. Well, I'm going to...

Enjoy sleeping in my room?

I didn't know I was in your room. Sorry, is it o...

- I can sleep somewhere else. - No.

I just... I just wanted to check on you.

How the temperature was. Get's pretty hot.

Does it?

This crazy thing happens, like,

no matter how many clothes I go to bed in

I just always wake up naked.

Do you?

Okay. Well...

Yeah, yeah, all right...

Do you...

Stop looking at me.

Pervy parrot.

Oi, Harry, you're the only one

that needs to use the shower.

Yep, coming.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today

to get wrecked, talk shit and have a fucking great time.

While some of us are seasoned warriors

who have fought side by side many a night before,

we also have new blood in our midst.

You have answered the call.

And you will be rewarded with the fruits

and bounty of this great land.

Destiny has brought us all here today

to share this night. Nay...

to own this night.

For tonight, we feast like men.

Brothers in arms.

Onward till dawn.

Valhalla!

Valhalla!

Can we eat now?

It was dark when I came to...

so dark that for a moment I feared I'd been buried alive.

The cool rain dripped down my face

like the tears I knew I should shed.

For in that moment I knew that my Carmen

was lost to me forever.

She'd kept her word.

The cartel spared my life.

All I have left of that year are my memories.

And a promise that I will never look for her again.

- Heavy. - Love...

is heavy.

Yeah.

Ants was almost in a gang once, wasn't he?

- What? Really? - Yeah.

Yeah. Your sister invited us to a house party

back when we were at uni. Yeah, and we get there

and it's just a big gang pad hang out.

Oh, my God. You never told me that you were dating a gangster.

He wasn't like a gangster-gangster.

Just a couple of guys trying to start their own operation.

They were essentially a small business.

Yeah, a small business called the Bone Boys.

And they specialized in the sale and marketing

of illegal substances and firearms.

They had one BB gun and they sold weed.

What of it?

Okay, so like that, the leader pulls me into his office, right?

And he starts asking me for accounting advice.

I come out about two hours later

and Ants was, like, up to his tits in piss,

and he's about to get an initiation tattoo.

What was it you were trying to call yourself as a gang member?

It was like...

Can you remember? It was like Bo...

- Boney M. - It was Boney M.

And they thought I was going to be

a really good addition to the team.

Well, I still get weekly emails. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

From Bone Breaker Billy asking me what he can claim on.

So you must be like some kind of hero or something.

I guess you could say that.

Yeah, I don't hear that enough. Thank you, Bella.

You know, a real hero would have gone to Thailand with Ants

and stopped him getting that ginormous loser tiger tattoo.

- What the hell. - No, I'm not taking that.

It's not my fault he's a menace when he's under the influence.

You are responsible for leaving me solo at the last minute.

Well, I was gutted I couldn't be there too, bro.

Why couldn't you?

He was buying a house, weren't you, Harry?

Ooh, flash.

Yeah. Well, I had a lot of paperwork.

Oh, yeah, Well, you want to know the real kicker?

He didn't even end up getting the house.

Oh, no.

Yeah. Well, sometimes being a grown-up means,

you know, you have to miss out on a bit of the fun.

But hey, enough about why being an adult sucks.

I want to know why the fuck the girls get

the delicious drinks.

Are you joking? Just because it's pink,

it doesn't mean it's a girl's drink.

That's exactly what it means, Jess.

And here I am, thinking that you're

- the progressive type. - Oh, no, no.

I'm as progressive as the next guy.

No, no, but you gotta admit it.

If I go into a bar and you see me ordering

the pink drink, please,

you know, you're gonna think I'm a little bit fruity.

Well, maybe I would think you're a cultured gentleman

who is comfortable enough in his masculinity

to enjoy a fruit forward wine

with delicate floral bouquets that

just happen to be pink.

Shots fired.

Okay. Yeah. No, no, I'll play.

I'll play. Okay. So you might end up being in a wine rep,

so rep me some wine.

Fine.

Get him, Jess.

These two wines are from the same vine.

They're a Spanish variety called Tempranillo.

- Tempranillo. - Actually, everyone thought

my auntie was a little bit crazy

when she tried to plant these because

the fruit just takes so much longer

and it's so different when it develops

than standard Marlborough varieties.

- Oh. - Do you know the three Ps

you've gotta learn when you're trying to speak

the language of a new vine?

Persistence, patience and passion.

You know, the juice and the sweetness of wine

actually comes from the flesh of the berry and...

the kind of complexity and color comes from the skin.

So, actually, every vintage is this amazing balancing act,

you know, where you've got to make sure

the fruit has enough hang time on the vine

to ensure it expresses its best self in the form of wine.

So the best version just ends up being pink.

Okay, you totally missed the point.

What I'm saying is that you don't have to

think about wine in only red, white or pink.

Let me show you...

this wine right here...

is what I'd call a flirt.

- Nice. - You know, she loves

summer flings and strawberries.

And this one. This one here. Check him out. Have sniff.

That's right.

He's a womanizing matador

who loves to dance with death and make love all night.

Does he? Sounds like my kind of man.

Exactly.

You know, like, everyone has a personality and it tells

a story, and it should take you on an adventure.

So, Harry, how many adventures are you willing to miss

just 'cause you're scared of looking a little bit "fruity?"

Shit, brava, Jess! Brava!

Well played, Morrison. Well played.

Light bulb.

- Jess. You've inspired me. - Oh, this is going to be good.

This is going to be great.

Harry. Meet me at the deck in five.

Ah, why?

Looks to me like Ricky Smooth is making a comeback.

Yay! Whoo-hoo! You guys are gonna love this.

Going back to 2005.

Who's Ricky Smooth?

Hi, everyone. We're Ricky Sm...

I didn't think it through.

I don't know if I could do this.

Hey, guys, we're Ricky Smooth and the Charmers...

- I can do this. - Back again after 10 years.

This is a song called "Be My Bebo Baby,"

which we wrote together when we were about 15 years old.

Sorry, which one of you is Ricky Smooth?

We actually never figured that out.

I think we're both Ricky Smooth and we're both the Charmers.

I think we're all Ricky Smooth.

- One, two. - A nine, 10, 11, 12.

♪ You've got 27 friends and I've only got 10 ♪

♪ You get six loves a day ♪

♪ I want to make it seven, but I'm too scared to send ♪

♪ Add me on Bebo, baby ♪

♪ Add me on Beeb ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ You got me going Bebo crazy ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ Need you to come and Bebo save me ♪

And a 13, 14, 15, 16.

♪ Don't want to add Skatergirl87 ♪

♪ Don't want to add PingpongB14 ♪

♪ Got to work up the courage to tell you my username's ♪

♪ "You are my dream girl" ♪

♪ Ah, yeah ♪

♪ Add me on Bebo, Bebo, Bebo ♪

♪ Bebo, add me on Bebo ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ You got me going Bebo crazy ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ Need you to come and Bebo save me ♪

♪ A fuck yeah ♪

♪ Add me on Bebo ♪

Encore.

Awesome.

- No, I got to go... - You gotta...

No, I'm going to... I'm going to go to do a wee first, I think.

I've got a few more in me. If you came for some solo work.

Kill it.

- Nice to see you. - Ah! Oh, shit.

Sorry.

No, that's okay. I just almost pissed on my feet.

Rock and roll.

You guys were so great.

Thanks. We haven't play in so long. It was so much fun.

Jess always talks about you being a corporate guy.

Does she?

Yeah, I guess I've just gotten busy.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, it is.

Do you want to go back?

Not really.

Yeah, neither.

Do you want to go for a walk?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I do.

Go on.

So, what do you do, Bella, when you're not,

you know, being the life of the party?

Being the life of the party is my full-time gig.

- What? - I work events.

What, like party planning?

More like party starting.

What, so you are telling me you're a professional woo girl?

Professional woo girl, dancer, waitress.

- Even a fortune teller. - Wait, you're fortune teller?

Yeah. I worked this gig once where I had to read

the palms of drunk accountants.

Well, hey, I'm a drunk accountant.

Can you read my palm? Do you still have the tricks?

Sure.

- Hmm. Interesting. - You still have your powers.

I see here a very mysterious woman.

The sister of a close friend, I think?

And what does this mysterious woman want?

Something she's been thinking about all afternoon.

What might that be?

Well, being a fake fortune teller and all,

I can't quite see all the details.

- Right. - But I think you'll like it.

Are you coming?

Yeah. Holy shit, yeah.

Where did you learn to play the guitar?

- I taught myself. - Hmm.

My dad was a musician.

And I thought it would be a cool thing for us to have in common.

I thought you never meet your dad?

I didn't.

At the risk of sounding like a drunk old man, I'm confused.

You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

No, no, that's cool.

I'm a love child.

I'm not embarrassed about it.

My mum was traveling through Europe on her OE and...

She was passing through Greece and that's where she met him.

They spent a week together

and then they parted ways like you do.

The time she realized she was pregnant, you know,

she was long gone,

and there's no way of tracking him down, so...

When I got old enough to ask her about him,

she told me two things.

And that was that his name was Yohannes

and that he could play the shit out of a guitar.

You never tried to find him?

Nah.

Because my mom tried so hard to be everything to me.

You know, she was my mom. She was my dad.

My friend.

I... couldn't stand the thought

of her thinking that her love wasn't enough for me.

I've never met a woman who loves anyone as much

as Jillian loves Ants.

Seriously, I was so jealous.

If I'm ever crazy enough to be a mom,

I want to be just like Jillian.

I know you're going to be an amazing mom one day, Jess.

You've had all this practice with Harry and me.

Yeah. You guys are family.

Family that sticks together no matter what.

Yeah.

Well, I'm getting emotional, which means it's time for bed.

Where are Harry and Bella, do you reckon?

- I don't know. - Find out in the morning.

- Good night, Jake. - Good night.

Good night, Ants.

- Night, Jess. - Sleep well.

Yeah, I will.

- You all right? - Yeah.

This thing you've been thinking about all afternoon,

it's not to lure me out here and kill me, is it?

Maybe.

- No. - Okay, good.

Because that would put a dampener

on the evening somewhat.

Where the hell are we?

We in the best kept fucking secret in the entire coast.

- Ooh. - A glamping site.

What's a... What's... What's glamping?

Oh, it's short for glamorous camping.

Glamping. It's short for glamorous camping.

I'm on the website.

- It looks beautiful. - Right, yeah. What's this for?

Our wedding night. You know, the...

Okay, right, yeah, no, with you, with you. Can you...

Harry, if we are going to book this...

Babe, I got another call coming in, so I can't...

Okay. I love you.

Tada!

- Wine? - No, thank you.

Are you sure? I don't like drinking alone. Feel weird.

No, it's just... It's just that I don't drink.

You've been drinking all day.

Have I?

So, you're completely stone cold sober right now?

Is... Is that a problem?

No, it's just that I am not stone cold sober right now.

I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you.

No, no.

Consensual sex is the best kind.

Oh, I consent. Yeah, I consent.

It's just that performance-wise,

I'm not sure we'd be on an even keel.

It's all right. We've got all night.

Come on.

Conversation is my favorite kind of foreplay.

Some good wine.

Some very good wine.

Anthony, I only just met you today, but...

I can tell there's something going on with you

that you don't want to share with your friends.

And I was thinking, sometimes it's easier

to talk to someone you don't really know.

You got anything you want to tell me?

Do you ever feel like your life is going by so fast that...

you're not even living it?

Every day.

I'm going to be a father.

Well, fuck.

How long you known the girl?

Not long at all, 'cause it was just a stupid

one night stand, you know?

And...

I got a text message last night telling me it was mine.

A text?

- Yeah. - Wow.

I'm sorry, man.

I can't really give you any advice on that.

I've always shot blanks myself.

What are you going to do?

Ah, that's the thing.

I don't know, you know? It's...

I just know that I don't want to run away, you know?

I really want to do the right thing.

I just... I got no clue what it is.

I thought I knew what the right thing was.

Coming to this wedding.

My sister, Diane.

She's the last family I have left.

And I've barely seen her for the last 30 years.

But after a while,

you realize there's only so many mornings you can wake up

on the floor of a cave.

And you got to go find your people.

So, I came to this great family celebration.

And I was going to ask my sister if I could be

part of her family again.

I guess that's not going to happen.

I'm sorry, man.

I can't really blame her.

She's got three daughters.

Fiona's the oldest.

What use could I be to them?

You know, they're not going to want to learn how to use a snake

skin to filter their own urine or how to take a punch.

I'm not... I'm not any good for them.

I don't know if it means anything, but...

I'd love to know how to filter my own urine

through a snake skin.

And I've never been in a fight.

You've never been in a fight?

There are two rules to win in a fist fight.

The first is not to be afraid to be hit in the face.

So, I want you to hit me right here.

Hard as you can.

- As hard as I can? - Yep.

Sorry. You all right? Oh, no, that was good.

That was good. You put a little shoulders into it.

You made a good, solid fist.

That's pretty good. You throw a good punch.

The second rule of fighting is that turnabout is fair play.

Ah!

Stings doesn't it?

- Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah.

Now, tell me.

If you got in a fight and your life was in danger,

- would you stop fighting now? - No.

That's how you win a fist fight.

- Yeah. Show me something else. - Coming in toward you,

you don't want to delay...

All you got to do is control enough.

This way... You can slide right in.

And you can cross. You got a highway all the way up

to my neck. Boom, exactly right.

Somebody comes in, somebody grabs you,

get control of the thumb right there. Turn it over.

You got yourself an arm lock. Behind someone

that comes up back here, what you want to do is

compress the carotid artery. You want to try that?

Great, give it a squeeze. Yes. Now you go. All right.

The way to not get hit, get in tight,

get on you. They got no leverage on you.

And I got control of your elbow right here, man.

I could break your arm in a moment's notice.

- Do you feel it? - Yeah.

- You wanna try it? - Fuck yeah.

Let's do it. Feel that? Yeah. You still got my arm.

Feel that? Now, the trick here is to get my thumb up.

There you are. You feel that? Yeah. Good job. Good job.

Mm...

Just want you to know that...

I feel really grateful to have known you.

Hmm.

You're a good man, Anthony.

No matter what relationship you end up having

with the mother of your child, it's going to be better

off for having known you.

- Thanks, Jake. - Hmm.

Fuck, this was good.

Yeah. You always remember your first time.

He sounds like a fucking incredible man.

He... I'm sure he is.

I mean, he's been everywhere and done everything, apparently.

I know. Just the way he, like, stares her longingly

into that glass. I just...

What are you looking at?

Your face.

Why?

Thinking about kissing it.

Just thinking about it?

Yes, been a while since I've done This.

I can't remember being so nervous.

But then again, I was king of the drunken

dance floor hookup.

Oh, well, should I do my dancing?

We don't have any music here, do we?

Oh, please. What kind of Morrison would I be?

I've got a good one.

Give me your hand.

♪ The man of a hundred summers, that is me now ♪

♪ Free child of the freeway, sunset through the trees now ♪

♪ Hand on her hips, lips on lips ♪

♪ The hands on tits my hearts been ripped ♪

♪ Beats in sync, yo, meet me in the skim ♪

♪ Walk in the sea, we'd swim the sea, we swum ♪

♪ My feelings numb, no ceilings, but under covers ♪

♪ My groove got me rude ♪

♪ On top of you, no shoes ♪

♪ No clue what I would write, might say no iPhones ♪

♪ Just iPlay, just iShare this taste of space... ♪

♪ Bed full of regret ♪

♪ But I ain't feel it when I wake up ♪

♪ You like guys with flash-ass cars and six-pack abs ♪

I just wanted to remind you that this is a one-time thing.

Of course.

And I don't mean of course as I'm... I'm glad

it's a one-time thing. I mean, of course as in I understand

whatever you're wanting to say here.

Yeah. I just, you know... I'm happy to be a rebound.

I just... I... like, I don't want to be a replacement.

I get it. And for the record, I don't see you as a rebound.

Oh. Well, how do you see me?

I see you as Bella.

And I see you as Harry.

I am Harry.

♪ Lipstick and we share, I whisper in your ear ♪

♪ Three, two, one, she say she love my sweet ♪

♪ A little bit of rum, little bit of coke ♪

♪ Little bit of ass, tiny bit of smoke ♪

♪ Couple slaps and a choke ♪

♪ Tan skin but I'm wanted for a quickie ♪

♪ She's skin sticky so we gonna sing like Britney ♪

♪ Saying hit me, baby, one more time ♪

♪ Push ya to the bed, the next is you spread your legs ♪

♪ I'm going to lick up, pants how I like to stick up ♪

♪ Stand with my dick up, beat it up, beat it up ♪

♪ Like I'm getting hiccups ♪

♪ Six-pack abs like oh, my God ♪

♪ Got stains on my shirt cuz I like to eat yogurt ♪

♪ Nine times out of 10 I'm sober ♪

♪ Mom makes my lunch, never had a fight, no money ♪

♪ For a dime and no time for a wife ♪

Can we work it up the bed a little bit?

Yeah, no, that's what I'm doing.

You all right? That's better.

- Okay, you good? - Yeah.

♪ I'm gonna give it to you, give it to you ♪

♪ Give it to you ♪

We are doing this.

- Yeah. You okay? - Mm-hmm.

♪ I'm gonna give it to you, give it to you ♪

♪ Give it to you ♪

Are you all right?

Yup. I... Yeah.

I don't know why it's...

Yeah, I...

Sorry. Must... Must be the wine.

Yeah, it's just a lot of wine.

That's all right.

Look, we can try again in the morning, eh?

Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Yeah.

Okay.

Fuck.

Morning.

A good one.

I'm a fucking mess.

World breaks everyone.

Afterward, some are strong in the broken places.

I gonna go take a shower.

Good morning.

You're up early.

Should I say late?

What did you get up to last night?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'm sorry I split.

It's all good.

We just had a couple of drinks, chilled out. It's nice.

I mean, like, in general.

It was tough.

Yeah.

But look at you. You're doing amazing.

You were so fantastic last night.

You have to take that job.

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

No, it just feels like I'm not doing what you're

supposed to do in your 20s.

Well, what are you supposed to do in your 20s?

I don't know. Get a B.A. Get a shitty grad job.

Move to London. Get a little bit fat.

Does it make you happy?

Yeah.

Good.

Shit yeah.

- There you go, then. - Are you happy?

I'll let you know when I find out.

Hey, well, you're going to have to come back here

to let me know.

Because there ain't no reception.

Get out of here.

Hey, um, I'm proud of you.

I mean, most people talk about getting their lives together.

You're doing it.

Yeah. I'm a little bit proud of me, too.

Drive safely, please. Seat belt. Thank you.

Aren't you still on your restrictions?

Yeah. You too. Bye.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey.

Oh! Happy Sunday.

What were you saying before?

Well, that was Aunt Helen on the phone,

and... I've decided to take the job here.

Okay.

Okay.

You really think it's going to work out?

Yeah. Yeah, I do, actually.

Gonna feel a bit more excited, but yeah.

What's to say you're going to stick at it for six months

and then bail on it like you always do.

I don't always bail.

I mean, whatever you want to tell yourself, Jess.

Wait. Excuse me. What is that supposed to mean?

It just means that based on experience,

it's what you tend to do.

Harry, you can't just come along and say that I always

bail on things all the time.

That is a horrible thing to say, Harry.

The entire history of our friendship...

Guys, what's with the raised voices?

Um... oh, my God, what happened to your eye?

I had an epiphany.

Well, I've decided to take the job here.

- Awesome. - Thank you.

Congratulations.

At least someone's happy for me.

What the fuck is this?

You think this is a good idea?

Well, yeah, man.

Maybe because he spent time thinking about

others this weekend.

Huh? What?

It's true, dude.

I mean, you have kind of been all about you.

'Cause my fucking life's been turned upside down, man.

You're not the only one whose life is a mess.

You're a personal trainer, Ants, what do you know?

What does that mean?

Well, trying to sculpt better abs doesn't really

- count as a life struggle, mate. - Listen to yourself.

Harry, you can't just say that to him.

You guys have got no idea what it's been like...

We have tried to talk to you all weekend...

- You just drank... - We're supposed to be here

to have a good weekend together

and you've been nothing but a sad sap.

Come into my auntie's kitchen

and start dissing your best friend.

I'm having a baby!

What?

I got a girl pregnant and I'm freaking out.

Why didn't you tell us?

Because I didn't want to be a shitty friend.

I don't want you to feel like...

Like your problems didn't matter to me.

- Don't put this on me. - I'm not.

It's not my fault you fuck anything that moves.

I'm surprised it's taking this long to knock somebody up.

- Fuck you. - Fuck you.

Oh my gosh, Harry. If that's how you treat people

you claim to care about, then no wonder Fiona dumped you.

Nice.

Harry!

♪ How could I be so blind ♪

♪ You caught me by surprise ♪

♪ Thought I read you right ♪

♪ Looks like I read you wrong ♪

What the fuck are you still even doing here?

Easy now. Don't "easy now" me.

None of this would have happened if your niece

didn't throw her toys over a fucking cake tasting.

I did everything I was meant to do.

I got a good job. I worked my ass off.

And what do I have for it?

A voicemail message.

A half-empty house and a dick that doesn't work.

- Aw, f... - Harry!

Harry!

♪ 'Cause I was played a fool ♪

♪ I must have loved you ♪

♪ I must have been blind ♪

What did he say?

His dick doesn't work.

Shit, that's rough.

♪ Right out of no where ♪

Harry, wait!

Oi, get in.

♪ Oh, my, my heart is ♪

♪ Oh, my, my darling, it's broken in two ♪

Harry! Harry!

Oh, for...

Talk to me.

No, I don't want to fucking talk to you.

- Harry, talk to me. - Get out, Ants, no!

- Talk to me. - No. Holy shit.

- Guys. - Dammit.

You don't need to do this.

- Get off him. - I'm a trained fighter.

Come on. Seriously. Ow!

Oh, it smells awful!

- It's the smell of love. - Guys, seriously, calm down.

Ah! Not my nipples.

- You good? - Yeah. I've done this before.

I'm going to go. This is bullshit.

♪ Oh, my darling, it's broken in two ♪

Harry, wait!

♪ Oh, my darlin', you've broken my heart in two ♪

Harry, wait!

♪ Sometimes it don't add up ♪ ♪ No matter how you count it ♪

♪ No matter what you are ♪

♪ Sometimes it don't add up ♪

♪ No matter how you count it ♪

♪ No matter what you want ♪

♪ Best you forget it ♪

♪ No matter what you've done ♪

Harry!

♪ No matter what you want ♪

♪ Now it don't matter ♪

Stop!

What the fuck were you doing? I could have killed you.

Whoa, whoa. You're my best friend.

Don't you know I'd die for you?

You can't say that shit anymore, man.

You're going to be a dad.

Ants, you're going to be a dad.

Yeah. I am.

Maybe I could be the godfather.

Brando.

Wow. I see why girls like this. I feel so safe.

You are safe now.

Let's go talk it out, bitch.

What? You mean you... nothing?

Nothing. Just nothing.

I thought I was into it, but things just didn't work.

It's like your dick wanted Fiona but your heart wanted Bella.

Yeah. No. Other way around, I think.

And I think the heart takes precedence over the dick.

Yeah, biology.

- Hey, dude. - Mm?

I'm sorry you never got married.

Thanks, man. I mean, I think Fiona was right.

I should have been there for that stuff.

If it was important to her, it should have

been important to me.

And... 'Cause she's important to me.

She might not be the one, but the one is still out there.

What, out here?

Well, not necessarily out there.

I mean, she could be out... She could be out there.

Europeans and German travelers come through

quite a lot frequently over the summertime.

Isn't it pretty to think so?

So stupid.

He's safe now.

Sorry I was a little bit harsh.

No, no. I'm sorry.

You're going to be great at this job.

You reckon?

Of course.

We're all right.

Mr. Barnes, in all your travels, you didn't happen to stumble

upon the world's greatest hangover cure, did you?

As a matter of fact...

Okay, so what? We just get in there and lie down?

Exactly.

All right.

Ah.

Let's get cleansed.

Oh, yeah.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, it's so cold.

Yeah...

Oh, it just got warm. Is that you, Ants?

Yeah.

- Harry, get in here. - Oh.

Beautiful.

Hey, you sure you don't want a ride?

No. I got a lot of thinking to do before I hit Christchurch.

Okay, well, good luck. And say hi to Diane for me.

Will do. So nice meeting you.

- You too. - Good luck with the family.

Thanks for everything, Jake.

You'll be all right.

You're a good man. Nice meeting you all.

It'd be buzzy if he just evaporated into thin air.

A figment of our imaginations.

Yeah. I mean, we were drunk, but we weren't that drunk.

Right. You guys got a ferry to catch. Bye. Mwah!

Thank you for coming. Thank you for having us.

Bye. You're going to be a great daddy.

I'm going to do my best.

Bye, guys. Please come back.

All the time.

At least public holiday weekends, please.

- You ready to hit the road? - Yeah.

Miss you already.

- Wankers! - Yeah, you too.

We got bars, baby.

Do you mind if I make a quick call?

Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Fiona Sullivan.

I can't get to the phone right now,

but if you leave your name and number,

I'll call you right back. Thank you. Bye.

Hey, Fee, it's me.

Sorry it took me so long to call back.

I... I'm not ringing to try and get you back or anything.

I just... I understand why things didn't work out.

Okay.

I'm gutted about it, but I get it.

And I just wanted to say, you know,

thank you for the last five years.

I should let you go.

But... I love you, too.

Bye.

How did it go?

Yeah, uh, good.

She's kind of freaking out about the whole thing

but I guess we've got that in common.

So, progress.

What?

Rise and shine, van der Venners.

And welcome to a new day.

Today, we're gonna do something a little bit different.

You remember my best friend, Harry McCallister.

Together we are Ricky Smooth and the Charmers.

And we're coming at you live from Kekerengu, New Zealand.

Count it down, Harr.

One, two.

A 17, 18, 19, 20.

♪ You've got 27 friends ♪

♪ And I've only got 10 ♪

♪ You get six loves a day ♪

♪ I want to make 7 but I just can't hit send ♪

♪ Oh, add me on Bebo, baby ♪

♪ Add me on Bebo ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ Got me going Bebo crazy ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ You got me Bebo crazy ♪

♪ Don't want to add Skatergirl87 ♪

♪ Don't want to add PingpongB14 ♪

♪ Got to work up the courage to tell you my username's ♪

♪ "You are my dream girl" ♪

♪ Oh, add me on Bebo, Bebo, Bebo ♪

♪ Bebo, add me ♪

♪ Oh, Bebo ♪ ♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ You got me going Bebo crazy ♪

♪ Be my Bebo baby ♪

♪ Need you to come and Bebo save me ♪

♪ A fuck yeah ♪

♪ Add me on Bebo ♪

♪ A fuck yeah ♪

♪ Add me on Bebo ♪