Original subtitles

BOY SCREAMS

HE SIGHS DEEPLY

SLURPING

Have you seen Supergirl?

Yes. With Mummy and Daddy.

SLURPING CONTINUES

I learnt this new song, um, at school today.

Go on then.

# Row, row, row your boat

# Gently down the stream

# Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

# Life is but a dream. #

# Row, row, row your boat

# Gently down the stream

# Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

HE SIGHS # Life is but a dream. #

He's freezing.

Yes, it's cold outside.

Been outside all day?

I don't have anywhere else I can take him.

You don't have to live in that awful place.

Evidently I do, since you appear to be living in my flat.

Gonna kiss me goodbye, Christopher?

No.

ENGINE ROARS

SCREAMING

HORN HONKING

ENGINE REVS

SCREAMING

HE GROANS

HE STRAINS

HE WINCES

HUBBUB

Bill!

What happened? Fell off my bike.

Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

You look as if you need a drink. Yeah. It's over...

BUSY CHATTER

Hello, Alice.

Bill!

Hello?!

TV: Organization amongst the rioters was apparent,

with bricks or petrol bombs being moved up,

with some groups assigned to dig up paving stones and other masonry

for use as ammunition.

Do you mind getting out of the way, Bill?

The onslaughts on the police lines were relentless and merciless.

What do you expect if you keep taking people's jobs away?

MAN: It's got nothing to do with it.

Everything caught in the middle... What do you mean?

Those people don't want jobs.

At least not the kind they're qualified to do.

So even if we did manage to open all those steel mills

and dog biscuit factories...

..we wouldn't get them to sign on.

And who can blame them?

Are you trying to say they don't want to work?

Oh, I dare say they wouldn't mind being president of IBM...

..or a TV star.

John McEnroe.

Obviously you don't know the first thing about unemployed kids.

Who does? I do! I defend them all the time.

Oh, you think that's the same as knowing them?

Roger does too. Don't you?

WHISPERS: He teaches them.

Only little ones.

TV: In Brighton, bewildered and angry residents were led to say...

What are they like?

Well...

..um, very nice. HE CHUCKLES

We used to call ourselves "the kids," remember?

What, back in the days of radical chic?

TV: The vast majority of tonight's 230 casualties

were policemen caught in the continuous chaos

at the heart of the mob.

And, for the first time ever in memory in Britain,

a shotgun, and now a pistol, were used in the riot.

Well, how's Cheryl?

Oh, she's fine.

Oh, and your little boy? Sorry, I've forgotten his name.

HE WEEPS HYSTERICALLY

They're separated.

I'm terribly so, I didn't understand.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Roger.

WEEPING: I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

Yes, thanks, I'm...

My name's Bill Hooper.

Roger Miles.

If I understood what you were saying...we have a lot in common.

Oh.

My wife took my boy as well.

I see.

Bloody awful, isn't it? HE CHUCKLES

Yes.

It is.

Can I give you a lift?

ENGINE ROARS

SHOUTING: Do you know Cheryl, my wife?

Hm? Eh?

She's amazing.

She's a bit of a star at university.

That's where I met her. Yeah.

That's where I met mine.

She got sent down. What for?

Valentine's Day dance.

Putting acid in the punch.

Silly bitch. Sorry.

Nah. It was a bit irresponsible.

They put her on probation.

So she just walked off with your boy?

Well...ours.

Didn't she give you any warning? No.

Just came in from school one day, and they'd gone.

ROGER STIRS TEA

You seem very calm. I'd be bloody furious if that happened to me.

I thought it did happen to you. No.

No.

I left Emmy.

Oh.

Well, we gave each other total freedom and, er...

..we hated each other for taking advantage of it.

Or maybe we just got married too young.

And, uh...

HE CHUCKLES WRYLY

We used to say we'd met the right person...

..but we'd met them far too soon.

So you left her? What? Yes.

And your boy. Well, no. How could I leave my boy?

Sorry, I thought you said...

I wasn't thinking. I didn't realise, I didn't know she'd have

some new boyfriend installed before you could say "knife."

Who sees Christopher six days a week, and, uh...

So naturally Christopher thinks he's his father, and, uh...

..there's Daddy number two.

He can hardly remember who the fuck I am.

My God, she's a bloody...

..bitch!

Anyway...

..otherwise I'd, uh, I'd never have...

I'm...I'm really sorry.

Oh?

You don't even seem to be angry.

I can't afford to get angry.

If I ever let myself get angry, I could do some real damage.

I've decided they really piss me off.

Women.

What do you mean? What?

All this relating, relationships, interrelating.

That's what they're good at.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I always endorsed all that.

I used to argue feminism against women.

SNEERINGLY: I was such a good boy, you know?

I even joined a men's group once.

God, it's...

..really depressing.

Endless whinging and...

It's not like a women's group. They enjoy themselves.

They used to meet at our flat.

I...used to hear them haranguing one another or, uh...

..roaring with laughter, while...

..while I was making the bloody tea.

HE CHUCKLES

I really envied them.

I knew at the time that they were right to be angry.

I knew they were absolutely justified.

You know. Never disputed that for a moment.

All the same, they really...

..piss me off.

HORN HONKING

SCREAMING

TERRIFIED SCREAMING

SCREAMING STOPS

HORNS HONKING

Morning, old son. A good weekend?

Go fuck yourself.

Not very civil.

BAG SLAMS

HE SIGHS

Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha!

I can run faster than you!

No, I wanted to be in editorial.

They didn't have any vacancies when I arrived.

Then I found out how badly they got treated in editorial.

You know, miserable pay, first to get fired, et cetera.

So then I decided to stick with marketing.

Might I have read anything you've marketed?

Yeah.

Diana, Our Princess of Hearts.

BILL CHUCKLES

No.

I missed that one.

Do you like teaching? Yeah, I've always enjoyed it.

Pay's not very good though, is it?

I get 9,500. Oh.

What about you? 23.

I expect your wife costs you quite a lot. Nah, no. She works at home.

Earns her own money.

I give her about 150 quid a month to watch Christopher.

That's less than I give Cheryl.

What, you're paying her money?

Well, you know, she's on the dole.

How much, for God's sake?

250 a month.

What?!

Not fair, Christopher!

It's all I can manage.

I don't believe it. Not fair! Not fair!

This woman steals your son, and you're paying her 250 quid a month?

Don't ever say that again, Bill.

I don't ever want to hear anything like that again.

Stop it. You're hurting me. Stop it!

Stop it! You're hurting me!

Now you've got it, and you'll pay for it!

Christopher! Stop that! Give it back!

You're hurting me!

There's no need for that. Sorry.

I bought this for all the girls I thought were gonna go off with me.

BILL LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY You might as well have it.

ENGINE REVS

OK? Hang on.

All right. Yeah.

Roger!

Hello, Richard. Hey. Mm.

Careful with that knife. I'm perfectly safe.

Where's Roger?

Gone to visit the school. He'll be back in a minute.

Oh. Well, I have to leave Richard here.

I've got a dance class in half an hour,

and my friend's had to go to a meeting.

So if Roger could take him for the night... I'm sure he can.

You must be Bill.

Yes, I am.

I'm Cheryl. Yes.

You're married to that little Emmy Hooper.

Oh, I didn't think she was...that little.

Oh, you know what I mean.

No.

And she's living with someone else. Is that right?

How is Roger?

I worry about him. He's all right.

You're not very forthcoming, are you?

No.

Good-looking, isn't she? Cheryl?

Yeah.

CHUCKLING: Don't know what she ever saw in me!

Here we are.

The Way Forward by Cheryl Langford.

Here's my favourite bit.

ROGER GIGGLES

"No longer the cowering female victim in the alleyway,

"but the female sniper on the rooftop.

"That will be the characteristic image

"of the new age that is dawning."

That's good stuff.

"Recent genetic research has proved the inherent weakness

"of the male-producing Y chromosomes.

"So, from his very inception...

HE GIGGLES

"So, from his very inception,

"we can see that the male of the species

"is fundamentally inferior and biologically aberrant to the female.

"Therefore..." Bloody rubbish.

It's only a joke. A joke?

Yes! You mustn't take it too seriously.

What do you mean? What she's saying is that technically speaking,

men don't count as human beings. HE TAPS PAGE

Balls! She wants us dead. Don't you understand?

It's the quarterly bulletin of the Crouch End Women's Collective.

It's a period piece. She wants us dead.

POP MUSIC PLAYS

What about you? Fancy a drop of the proper stuff?

I'll stick with this.

Why are you drinking so much? What's the matter with you?

I don't know. I should be on top of the world.

Susan and the children move back in at the weekend.

That's good, isn't it? I thought she was setting the lawyers on you.

She did.

Said she'd done it just to...jerk my lead.

What? Jerk my lead!

She said that? Yeah.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

I can't understand what you've been so miserable about.

I quite like being footloose and fancy-free.

Not having those three little sods bouncing up and down on my bed

at 6 o'clock, yelling their heads off every morning.

What you're saying is I should be enjoying myself, is that it?

Of course. This party, for example.

Carte blanche.

All this time, Creighton, and you still don't bloody know me, do you?

Come on. There must be some compensations.

ROARING: No, there aren't!

Cheryl found a new bloke yet?

No. She's not like that.

Yeah, they all say that.

No, really. She already lives with someone.

A woman.

TYRES SCREECH What?!

ROGER CHUCKLES Whoo! Bloody hell!

When you say "lives with"...

That's right.

How'd you know?

I've always known.

Now, you bring these to the table, Chris. There.

OK, you bring them. I'll take these. Here we go.

Food almost on the table.

ROGER HUMS TRIUMPHANTLY

ALL CHANTING: Here's the sprouts. Serve them out!

Here's the sauce. Eat it like a horse!

Here's the taties. Tuck in, mateys.

Where's the turkey?

Aren't we lurcky?!

MUFFLED PARTY HUBBUB

HE RINGS DOORBELL

Didn't know you could hear with all that going on.

Have a nice time? He's all right. These are his.

What did you get? Hope this isn't going on all night.

He's tired. He needs sleep. He'll be fine.

Why don't you come in for a drink? Not bloody likely.

Then wait here a minute. I'll go and get your present.

I don't want your presents. Give them to your fancy man.

Stop it!

And a merry Christmas to you!

And to you too.

HE KICKS DOORS Bitch!

And a happy New Year to you all!

Bloody bitch!

KNOCK ON DOOR

She's taking Richard away.

What are you talking about? How can she?

She just is.

Where?

Australia.

What?

That's where Jeanie comes from.

Perth or somewhere.

When? Soon as she can get a visa.

Bloody bitch.

No. She's really quite upset.

She said perhaps I could visit in the Easter holidays.

SOFTLY: Ah.

SOFTLY: Get him back.

What?

Get him back from her.

You mean take him away? Yes.

But she's his mother. And you're his father.

Why should you cave in, let her walk all over you? Come on. Fight back.

What, you mean...

..kidnap him? No. No.

No, you do it legally.

How can I? We're not even divorced.

That doesn't matter.

You get custody of him.

ROGER SIGHS

I...I don't think I could take Cheryl to court.

You don't have to. All you need is a solicitor's letter.

A friend of mine's wife did just that. Hard-nosed formal letter.

Gave him the fright of his life!

People do that now.

But I haven't got any grounds. You need grounds.

We'll think of some.

I couldn't.

Look, all you have to do is jerk her lead a bit, that's all.

Just jerk her lead.

No.

There it is.

I'm not sure about this. Australia.

Right.

So, yes, she left seven months ago, but now she says that...

Don't say another word.

I'm sorry, I never act for a man in a custody case.

What, not under any circumstances?

Matter of principle.

Oh.

Let me arrange for you to speak to one of my colleagues.

He'll help you.

David, have you got a few minutes to see a client?

Thanks.

You stay here, Bill.

Good luck.

# Knick-knack paddywhack

# Give a dog a bone

# This old man came rolling home

# This old man

# He played three

# He played knick-knack on my knee

# With a knick-knack paddywhack

# Give a dog a bone

# This old man came rolling home

# This old man

# He played four

# He played knick-knack on my door

# With a knick-knack paddywhack... #

I was just reading your tits.

Yes.

That what you really think?

Yes. Otherwise I wouldn't wear it.

TYRES SCREECH

Out!

Get out! CHRISTOPHER WAILS

Can't have you riding with a rapist, can we? For Christ's sake, Bill!

You out too. Don't be absurd.

Shut up and get out. I've had enough.

I just don't believe this! I do.

You can take this.

Will you pass Christopher out to me then?

Certainly not. He's a man, isn't he?

CHRISTOPHER CRIES

CRYING STOPS What the hell do you think you're playing at?

I told him you'd help him out. What's the matter with you?

Why have you become so serious?

Serious? Yes, you're so bloody serious.

You used to be a lot of fun.

HE TAPS DESK

You think Roger's wife is entitled to the kid

because she's a woman, don't you?

Yes, I do! Yeah.

We've known each other a long time. You could have made an exception.

Do you know what, Bill?

I think you've always taken things far too personally.

I told him I'd always known Cheryl was gay.

He said in that case the judge would probably decide I'd condoned it

and have Richard taken into care.

Christ. Well, fuck that!

Couldn't he come up with some sort of compromise?

Compromise?

She's taking him to Australia.

What sort of compromise do you suggest?

Singapore?

I'll find another bloody lawyer.

Once he finds out that you knew about Cheryl...

I won't tell him. That's dishonest.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!

ROGER CHUCKLES You were right, Bill.

Bloody women. They do want us dead.

He's my son!

So you had absolutely no idea

your wife was subject to these tendencies?

Mm, none whatsoever.

Good.

And how did you find out?

My son told me. Oh, excellent.

What did he say?

That she shares a bed with this woman.

Who is a known lesbian? Yes.

She got married once.

Excuse me?

To another woman.

I've got a cutting about it somewhere from Gay News.

I don't know if she's had a divorce.

Well...

..this is most promising.

And where has your wife taken the boy?

Um, Brixton.

Oh, wonderful.

Now, then...

..under the Guardianship of Minors Act, the court's first consideration

must always be that of the welfare of the child.

Normally a judge would feel, looking at it from the child's point of view,

that the...enforced removal of that child from the care of one parent

could...only ever be justified in the most extreme circumstances.

Of course. Of course.

However, fortunately, these are extreme circumstances.

Are they? Oh, yes.

Lesbianism has never been illegal in this country,

but I think it is true to say it's something

most judges take a fairly dim view of.

Right.

So, perhaps at this point,

we should avail ourselves of some expert opinion.

I thought that's what we were doing.

No. No, Mr Miles. You'll, uh...need a barrister.

Ah. I see.

So perhaps at this point,

it might be appropriate to raise the matter of costs.

Mm-hm.

In law...as in most things, we get what we pay for.

And I would like you to have the benefit of the very best.

Unfortunately...

..that does tend to come rather expensive.

I see. How much?

Well, if we're lucky, we might get away with £400.

Well...that's all right.

I suppose.

Per diem.

Ah.

And...how many, um, days?

Difficult to say.

Three, as a general rule. Possibly four.

And, of course, there would be my own fees.

Trouble is, I'm a bit strapped at the moment.

OBJECT FALLS

We upped the mortgage last year, and that put a bit of pressure on...

Quite. Quite.

It is as well to give all this very careful consideration.

No, it's all right. Don't worry. We'll manage.

Oh, good. Well, then let me see if I can make an appointment.

INTERCOM BUZZES

WHISPERS: It's OK.

Uh, no. No, Mr Miles,

I think, if possible, we should try and arrange something directly.

ROGER MOUTHS

This way.

I can't let you pay for this.

I'm not going to. I'm just gonna help you out.

I don't know.

How much can you get hold of?

800, 1,000 perhaps.

I'll pay anything over 1,000.

Perhaps I should sell the house. No, look, just take the money.

I'm not doing anything else with it.

I'll pay you back. Fine. Don't worry about it.

With interest. Great.

We were lucky to get Mr Varda.

He really is very able.

One of the best of the younger men.

Oh, good.

Quick smash-and-grab in the county court, if we can get away with it,

don't you think, Leonard?

A bit of a long shot, isn't it?

I would have thought we'd...

..stand a better chance with the magistrates.

Not much fun though, is it? Also a bit hit-and-miss.

What we need is the right judge.

Hello, Harry? INTERCOM: Yes, Mr Varda?

Find out who's on at Battersea, will you, this afternoon?

You're looking well.

Bought a yacht! 60 foot.

Picked it up cheap. Yard was going bust. Really?

SIGHING: I want to take it to Barbados this summer.

INTERCOM BUZZES: Yes, Harry?

Judge Kirby-Smith, sir.

Terrific! See if you could book us in, will you?

Well, that IS convenient, isn't it, Leonard?

Catholic, isn't he? No.

But very high.

Censorious old bugger anyway.

I say old, he's probably not much more than 50.

Which means we can rely on him

for the next 20 years, with any luck.

What Mr Varda has in mind, and I couldn't agree more,

is an ex parte application before a county court judge,

which means we'll be applying for an order which will direct your wife

to surrender care and control of your child.

We do have reason to believe

that this particular judge sitting this afternoon

is liable to take a very serious view of your wife's lifestyle.

On account of her being a naughty girl.

If so, we should be able to obtain custody of your son.

When? This afternoon.

What? That's right.

Doesn't Cheryl have to be there? No, no, no.

Hence the phrase ex parte. VARDA CHUCKLES

Are you allowed to do that?

Sorry.

It'll only be a temporary order.

We'll have to go back before the judge,

very probably within seven days,

at which time your wife will be at liberty to contest your claims

and we shall be obliged to substantiate them.

INTERCOM BUZZES Yes, Harry?

3.15 do you, sir? Well done, Harry.

Should do it if the traffic's kind.

Now, this is your affidavit, Mr Miles.

It sets out your reasons for applying for care and control.

Should be all right. Bound to be really.

Mr Varda... Always rely on Kirby-Smith

for a genuinely reactionary decision.

We'll put all these points orally, but the judge generally does...

Some of the big city judges

are starting to give custody to lesbians.

Kirby-Smith would rather have a child taken out and shot.

..care to run your eyes over it? Have we met somewhere?

Uh, party at Sally and Sam's.

Oh, yes.

That was it.

DRIVER: 3.80 on the clock, guv.

How are you feeling? Well, rather excited.

Bit of a prick, isn't he? Varda?

A prick is just what we need.

Thank you. Thanks a lot. Thanks.

Straight in.

Tie's loose. Oh.

It's in chambers, I'm afraid. What?

No spectators.

Good luck.

My God, you've only been for five minutes. Nine, actually.

Still, it all went very smoothly. I must dash.

When shall we three meet again?

Or four.

I'll phone you tomorrow.

How did it go? Very smoothly.

I think we probably have very little time to waste. Come on.

It's very depressing round here.

Do you know it at all?

Yes, I've lived here for years.

Ah.

I live near Ascot, myself. RICHARD SHOUTING

Excuse me.

Do you have any children, Mr Hooper?

Yeah. Little boy, six.

Ah. Nice age.

Here she is.

IGNITION STARTS

What the fuck do you mean...

Who did you say you were?

Who are you from? What did you say? Bond Street tube.

What have they done with my son? Where is he?

BILL GIGGLES

Bond Street all right for you?

Oh, yes. Perfect.

Good afternoon.

Are you all right? Yes. Why do you ask?

Well...you spoke to me.

Yes, I'm fine.

Well...would you like a cup of tea?

Is he in?

No...no-one's in.

HE WHISTLES

When do you expect him back?

Oh, Bill. What?

He moved out last month.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

You never gave me a chance.

Don't you see him anymore? Sometimes.

But it's over.

Are you angry with me?

SHE SCOFFS

I didn't much like your carving that word on my front door.

HE CHUCKLES I'm sorry.

I had to pay the porter to take it off.

How much? Ten quid.

Oh.

Take it.

SHE SIGHS

OK.

I've decided to get a flat.

Oh. That's good. Where...whereabouts?

Hm? Just round here.

I'm, uh... Well, you know, I'm keeping my eye on the papers.

Yes, I thought I could have Chris, you know, for the odd night.

You know, if you don't mind.

Of course I don't mind. I'd be delighted.

It's what I want. Some rational arrangement.

Oh. Good.

Good.

BILL YAWNS There we are.

I'd better be going now.

MUFFLED CONVERSATION

Nice to see you again.

Look, if there's anything, uh...

Do you want to stay for supper? No.

Hey. What are you doing down there?

Just listening.

Yeah, the barrister's dynamite.

Awful bugger called Mark Varda.

Really? I think I was at school with him. Oh, yes?

What's he like?

Posh.

Dark, rich.

How about yours? Short, fat and miserable.

Used to get bullied all the time.

Mostly by me, if the truth be told.

He was also conspicuously smelly.

Used to pong the place out.

Well, he owns a yacht now. BILL CHUCKLES

We used to call him Shit-Bum.

It was one of those very expensive schools, was it? Mm-hm.

BILL WHISTLES

Well, I'm glad you've cheered up.

Yeah, I have been a bit of a pain, haven't I?

You've been terrible.

Never knew what you were gonna come out with next.

Oh, it wasn't that bad. You called me a hopeless alcoholic.

Well, you are...

..a hopeless alcoholic.

Won't be a minute.

What's her name? Mary Hall.

She's all right, isn't she? You mean to say you hadn't noticed?

No, not really.

Mary Hall.

This is, uh, really good. Just what we wanted.

Thank you. It's terrific.

BILL CHATTERS

THUNDER RUMBLES

Is anything the matter? No.

It's just been such a long time, that's...

Thought it was like riding a bicycle. HE LAUGHS

Also, it's, uh...

What?

Well, I'm not used to it being so easy.

See, when I was your age, I...

It was the middle of the sexual revolution, and...

I can't tell you the rigmarole we all had to go through.

HE SIGHS It's cold.

I don't see there's any need for all that song and dance.

No.

HE SHIVERS

I really like these.

God, they're terrific.

Do you sell many of them? Hardly ever.

Don't you mind?

No.

I would. I... Well, I did.

I used to write novels, and, uh...

..they kept getting rejected.

Anyway, I... HE CHUCKLES

I burned the bloody lot.

And gave up?

Yes.

I only do it because I enjoy it.

Tell me, don't you hate doing illustrations for...

..you know, rubbishy part-works of...

No.

It means I can afford to go on doing these.

Now, that's terrific.

Will you sell it to me?

I'll give it to you.

Hello.

Yes, I'm afraid there's been a half-hour delay.

Fancy a spot of fresh air?

Ah, South London. Has a flavour all of its own, doesn't it?

# Wading through the muck and mire. #

Hello, muck! Hiya, mire!

They're still out then, the dustmen? The awkward squad, eh?

So exhilarating living in a period of radical change.

I suppose you think they're overpaid.

On the contrary, I think they should be paid twice as much.

They should employ half as many people.

What to do with the surplus people, that seems to be the problem.

It's not about pay, actually.

It's about the council wanting to employ private contractors.

I suppose change is the last thing you'd want, isn't it?

What are you talking about?

Aren't you a member of the Forever Young Generation,

still hanging on to your illusions?

Certainly not. I...have no illusions, whatsoever.

I don't see what's so wrong with illusions.

Word in your ear.

JANE: Now, this is important. Absolutely no reaction.

Oh, my God. What's the problem?

I thought solicitors weren't allowed in court. County court they can.

Don't worry. We've got her over a barrel.

Want to come in this time?

I didn't think... I'm sure we could swing it.

You've done so much,

seems unfair to make you miss all the fun. Leonard.

Go straight up. Can we use an unpaid clerk?

What?

I suppose so. Sit next to me. Don't say a word.

Bow to the judge when we arrive.

JANE: Your Honour, uh, may I have a word with my learned friend?

Very well, Miss Powell. Thank you.

HUSHED: What the hell do you think you're doing?

If I were to report you, your feet wouldn't touch the ground.

You're not going to be boring about this, are you, Janey?

When you're ready, Miss Powell.

Yes, Your Honour.

So, Your Honour...

..on the one hand we have the father,

a man with a record of 15 years' service to his profession.

On the other hand, the mother.

Who also possesses a record...of sorts.

Sent down from university for a prank involving narcotics.

Suspended sentence for disorderly conduct,

at an antigovernment demonstration, March, 1971.

Fined for shoplifting, July, 1973.

Passport withdrawn for one year,

following an assault on a customs officer in Italy, June, 1974.

I should also like to draw to Your Honour's attention

a series of articles and pamphlets. notably this publication

of the Crouch End Womens' Collective...

..which I believe has an especially relevant bearing

on Mrs Miles's suitability as the sole guardian of a young son.

Your relationship with Miss Bryant. Yes?

How long has it been going on?

About 18 months.

So this was before your separation from Mr Miles, in other words?

Yes.

And this was, from the outset, a sexual relationship?

Yes. It was.

And did you conceal this from your husband?

No.

And what was your husband's attitude to the relationship?

He didn't mind.

He didn't mind?

No.

I think he rather liked it.

So you had absolutely no idea...

..that your wife was indulging in these practices

while you were living with her?

None whatsoever.

And had you discovered that she was indulging in these practices,

can you tell us what your reaction would have been?

I would have been very shocked.

He's lying. You know you're lying.

Will you please be quiet?!

JANE MOUTHS CHERYL: Sorry.

I submit we may safely disregard my client's high-spirited iconoclasm

of more than 10 years ago,

and the minor scrapes into which she has,

like many another of her generation...been led.

Uh, as we've heard today, she's put all this far behind her

and she now takes not the slightest interest in any of the modern...

..current radical feminist movements.

As to her relationship with Miss Bryant,

which my client strongly maintains her husband was not only aware of,

but actually encouraged...

Your Honour is certainly aware of many recent cases...

in which the principle that a lesbian preference

in no way diminishes a woman's ability to be a good mother

has been upheld.

I am prepared to accept Miss Powell's contention

that her client's writings and former opinions,

however forcibly expressed, have no bearing on the present situation.

However...I cannot pretend to have gained a very reassuring impression

of Mrs Miles's character and stability,

and I continue to regard the matter

of her open lesbianism with considerable seriousness.

I fully appreciate that another court

might take a more lenient view,

but this is not another court.

Mr Miles's failure to be aware of what was going on under his nose

may lay him open to accusations of naivety,

but it is not a crime to be unobservant,

and I see no reason to doubt his word in this.

The fact remains...

..that a lesbian relationship is not a proper setting

for the rearing of a child,

particularly when that child is a boy.

I therefore see no reason to vary my earlier order,

giving interim custody, care and control of the child to Mr Miles.

I now order a welfare report in this matter.

CHERYL SOBS I shall require an affidavit

from the applicant within 28 days,

And a reply from the respondent in 28 days thereafter.

May I ask Your Honour to reserve this matter to yourself?

CHERYL SOBS LOUDLY Yes, I don't see why not.

The hearing of the full application will be set down

once both parties have filed certificates of readiness.

SCRUBY: Well, the next time should be a formality.

Trick was to get the judge to preside over the final hearing.

Same judge, same verdict. That's the beauty of the system.

I wish she hadn't cried. Cheryl never cries.

Well...

Hooper!

You really are a vile and desperate little bastard!

It was all very well her crying.

I mean...you were crying when I first met you.

She didn't care, did she?

I suppose not.

She just tried to put one over on us. That's all.

And we put one over on her.

Yeah.

I'll be able to cook for you when my flat is ready. Great.

I don't know many people your age.

Those I do, you never seem to get...

..very exercised.

About anything. Do you?

Is that fair?

I'm not sure you can generalise.

Well, you know. I mean, we've known each other...

How long? What? Six weeks, isn't it?

And, uh...

..do you know we've never had a single argument?

Never had a breath of disagreement.

Well, isn't that good?

Well, y...

When I was at university, say, um...

..you had to fight all the way.

It was all a question of...

..negotiated settlements.

Sounds exhausting. Well, yes.

HE CHUCKLES It was.

But you preferred it that way?

HE SIGHS No.

No, I didn't say that.

If there's anything we can do to make it better for you...

..you have to tell me.

You misunderstand me. I'm just saying, it...

..it's not what I'm used to. That's all.

There it is.

I don't suppose any of our friends will ever speak to me again.

What, because of Cheryl? Yeah.

Janey Powell certainly won't.

I used to know Cheryl a bit.

I always thought she was a really patronising bitch.

Did you?! Then I realised it was all front. She's actually very weak.

Anyway, I don't see what you did wrong.

She had no right to bunk off to Australia with the little boy.

Anyway, the judge decided Roger would make a better parent.

That's not your fault, is it? No, I suppose not.

Here we are.

Ha.

One thing...

if you got this far, doesn't look as though

you're ever planning to come back to me.

Well, do you want me to come back?

Supposing I said yes?

Well, then, I'd...I'd come back.

Got your fingers crossed? I haven't.

You wouldn't do it.

Well, try me then.

Yes, we were pretty bad in the end, weren't we? Awful.

I can always sell this place,

you know, if we... We could have had this conversation months ago. Why didn't we?

Because we...felt things so strongly.

The feelings always got in the way.

You are the love of my life, though.

Oh, yes.

You just can't stand to live with me, that's all.

This is really nice. Do you like it?

Do you think Christopher will like it?

I'm going to show him on Saturday. Mm.

You can't stand to live with me either, can you?

Perhaps you're right.

Tell you the truth, I'm much happier on my own.

For the time being anyway.

Well, we shall just have to bring up Christopher as best we can.

Yes. You know, as long as I can have a...a part of him.

You do. Of course you will.

You're his father.

And you're a good father.

HE CHUCKLES

I've really enjoyed seeing you again.

I must fetch Christopher.

HAMMERING

PHONE RINGS

What's the matter?

I don't know.

Something I've been meaning to tell you for some time now, and, uh...

I think that we should stop seeing each other.

Why?

It's nothing to do with you.

It's just me. It's something I'm going through. I...

..I'm no good to you.

But you are! You are.

It's just my feelings are all used up. I...

..I can't seem to care anymore. So...

I've got nothing left to give. Of course you have.

And even if it's true, I don't mind.

HE CHUCKLES

I'm sorry.

There isn't someone else? Nah, it's not like that !

It's just me.

Do you like being on your own?

No, I don't like it, but it...seems to be what's required.

Suppose it's nobody's fault.

No.

SHE SOBS

Bill.

I was going to ask you. What's that?

I wanted us to have a baby. Oh, God, no.

That's not what I mean.

So I want to explain to you.

It doesn't matter.

It does! That's what I'm trying to talk to you about.

HE SOBS QUIETLY It's Christopher.

Emmy and I were all right until he was born.

That's when it started to go wrong.

All...All the love that's going, they take it all.

They...

..suck you dry.

I couldn't stand living with him any...more.

So, when I left, it wasn't Emmy I was leaving.

It was him.

HE MUMBLES

CHRISTOPHER SCREAMING

SCREAMING CONTINUES

PHONE RINGS

Yeah? Hello?

Hello, Bill? It's Roger. Hello, Roger.

Yeah. Hi, Bill. Sorry, sorry if I woke you. Roger?

Yes. We, we got the final hearing.

Yeah, uh... 3 o'clock, Battersea.

3 o'clock. Yeah. OK?

Yeah. I'll see you there.

I'll be there. All right. Thanks. Sorry.

Sorry to... Bye. Yeah.

MAN SNIFFLES

APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS

MAN WINCES

Is there anything I can do?

Mind your own fucking business.

I see there's no provision in the agreed order

to prevent the boy being taken to his mother's present home.

Your Honour, arrangements for access have been made

to the satisfaction of both parties.

What the parties have agreed to,

and what the court feels to be the correct solution,

are not necessarily one and the same thing.

Mr Miles has no objection to the access arrangement, Your Honour.

He may well not, Mr Varda, but I do.

In my judgment, as long as the mother continues to live

in her present circumstances,

there can be no question of the child

being allowed access visits to her address.

DISTANTLY: It's your job to know. It's not my job to know.

It's my job to advise you. I don't know exactly what they're gonna give you.

You're supposed to fucking know. Stop swearing! This is a court of law.

You smug brass... I beg your pardon.

If you're not careful... You'll be in fucking hospital!

Oh, yes. And who's gonna do that? Me, mate. Yeah.

Congratulations.

Tell me something. Just as a matter of interest.

Anything similar in your own life?

What do you mean?

Separation, divorce... ARGUMENT CONTINUES

Afraid of losing a child?

Yeah, I suppose so.

Thought as much. It's always the way.

The crony in the background,

vicariously working out his own anger. Or her.

Much more commonly a woman, of course.

Is it?

Anyway...hope you're feeling better now.

Tell me something.

Does the name Shit-Bum mean anything to you?

What an extraordinary thing to say.

SHOUTING

Get off!

Get your fucking hands off me! Get off!

Bill?

Bill!

THEY PANT

BILL WHEEZES

Oh, God...

Oh!

I hate this...filthy, horrible place. Yeah.

I wish they'd build on it. All right.

You make me sick! You wouldn't have done any of this if it hadn't been...for me!

I would. You bloody wouldn't!

You only wanted to get a solicitor's letter.

Bollocks!

I played a part in this as well.

You can't deny that. I don't.

And I didn't do it for you...either.

I was thinking of Emmy, and I was thinking of Christopher.

No, I wasn't! I was thinking of me!

I didn't think of anyone else but me.

HE BREATHES HEAVILY

I just wanted to hit out!

I wanted to do some damage!

I know that. I'm not a complete idiot.

Come on. I want you to come home with me.

No. I can't. I think you should.

RICHARD CHATTING

CHERYL CHATTING

How is he? Ah!

He's had a bit of a cold. He's fine.

ROGER HUMS TUNE How did it go?

Same as we thought, except the judge added a provision

that he's not supposed to visit you where you live.

But we don't have to worry about that.

So that's it.

It's over. Right.

Have to rush. What time shall I bring him over tomorrow?

About 6. Fine.

Bye, you. Bye-bye, Mummy.

Cheryl!

Your bag.

Thanks.

OK. That's it.

Bye-bye. Take care.

What's that called?

Stash Conquers The Universe.

We've been talking it over.

We just want to share him.

But you can't. The judge... Bugger that.

How are they going to find out?

You gonna tell them? No.

I don't understand.

I asked Jane if we could just skip the whole thing today,

say we'd come to an agreement.

But she said the judge is so bloody-minded,

he might have turned against us and have Richard taken into care.

Oh, I see.

What about Australia?

She decided against it.

Jeanie's going on her own now.

QUIETLY: Oh.

One more thing. When you get the bills, um...

I've had Scruby's already.

Yeah? How was it?

Colossal. Oh.

Well, uh... Look, you know, just...

It's all right. No. We agreed.

It's all right.

Cheryl's gonna help me out. Cheryl?

She's got a job.

Oh.

Oh. BILL CHUCKLES

I don't expect we'll be seeing so much of each other.

No.

But, you know...

BILL CHUCKLES

Well, I'm glad it worked out.

It did work out, didn't it, though?

I think we did the right thing.

Well, we certainly jerked her lead.

Why did you have to say that?

I wouldn't have.

Except it's true.

CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY