Original subtitles

- [Mum laughs] - [Grandad] Hey, um...

- [Mum] Have a look out the front, Dad. - [Grandad laughs] Yes.

- We don't want him to surprise us! - No, no.

[town clock chimes]

Woken up in time to meet your daddy, have you, Jimmy?

He'll be here soon.

[her voice echoes] I'll bet he can't wait to see you.

You're the one he always asks about.

Mary! Mary, he's here!

Come on, love.

Where's your flag?

Here.

[grandfather clock chimes]

[Mary laughs]

Let's go and meet him, shall we, eh?

[steam train chugs in the distance]

Go on now, you run and meet your daddy.

Eh?

[hobnail boots echo]

Run!

[his father laughs]

[his voice echoes] And here's me thinking you'd still be a baby.

[monkeys shrieking]

[Mary's voice echoes] There wasn't much to do, what with rationing.

We had some nice days out.

Went to the zoo once.

[woman] And half an ounce of Battle Axe.

Settling in nicely, are you then, Mr MacLaine?

[Mary] Never liked the shop.

Oh, yeah, you remember Joe?

Our Lucy's boy.

Well, he never come back.

[Mary] Bored him.

He sent a letter saying he was on his way.

But he never come.

[Mary] It was all too small for him.

[her voice echoes] I bet you never thought you'd have such a lovely boy waiting for you.

Eh? [she cackles]

[children laughing]

Jim...

you know I tried to settle down again.

I was looking forward so much to coming home.

But you've no idea.

I want you to be a good boy for your mum and your grandad.

[he sighs]

You'll be all right, Mary. You...

You have the shop and your dad and Jimmy.

[his voice echoes] Look after your mother for me, will you, son?

[train whistle blows in the distance]

[heavy footsteps fade away]

[titles music]

[male teacher] 1914, with the outbreak of the First World War,

we come to the end of our survey of the syllabus for this year's exam.

Now, you all know the routine for Monday.

I hope you've got all the facts firmly established in your minds.

Because at this stage, there's nothing much I can do to help you.

You've got the weekend free...

for last-minute revision.

Oh, and I would like to remind you that that old favourite,

"Outline the events leading up to the French Revolution",

hasn't been set for two years and so you never know.

MacLaine.

What did Britain gain from the Treaty of Utrecht?

The Hudson's Bay territory, Gibraltar,

Menorca and Louis XIV agreed to recognise

the Hanoverian claim to the English throne.

Sir.

Oh.

Well, pay attention and fasten that tie, will you?

I've nothing more to say to you.

It's up to you.

And so, as it's nearly four o'clock...

[school bell rings]

Coming to the coffee bar, Terry?

Well...

Did you hear what George Sherman said he did with his sister?

No.

- What? - Come on, I'll tell you.

[music plays: "Born Too Late" performed by The Poni-Tails]

♪ Why was I born too late?

♪ Born too late

♪ For you to care... ♪

Two Cokes, please.

- You're early. - Nicked off from cricket.

- How's the band? - Great!

Dave's got a new Gibson for his birthday.

Yeah, his old one went up in a bloody great flash at the dance last Saturday!

- [they laugh] - Fused the whole place.

Nearly blew us all up. Two coffees, please, love.

Oi.

[song ends]

Got any money for the jukebox?

Yes.

What do you want on?

You choose.

See what your taste's like.

[music plays: "Raunchy" by Bill Justis]

What you gonna do next year?

I dunno.

Have to wait and see.

What about you?

I'm going as a receptionist to County Motors.

- [other girl] Is that what you call it? - [they laugh]

Are you coming?

No, I think I'll wait a bit longer.

I'll see you on Monday.

Another Coke?

Two Cokes, please.

And a shilling for two sixpences.

Thank you.

We're going to the Floral Hall tomorrow night. Are you coming?

What do you think, Shirl? Can we trust 'em? [giggles]

We weren't interrupting anything, were we?

Well... I'll be seeing you.

- [Mary] Two pounds of sugar, was it, love? - [woman] That's right, Mrs MacLaine.

[Mary] Well, as I was saying, we discussed it

and I think he realises now that he's university material.

Oh, it's all right for a hobby, of course.

But you can't get anywhere without proper qualifications. [till rings]

None of them seem to realise that nowadays. Oh, they're all pie-in-the-sky ideas...

[music plays from the cinema]

[man] Queuing all parts now, queuing all parts.

Hey, there's Jim.

[Jeanette] Hey! Hello.

Hello.

- Did you bring Terry? - No, he's swotting.

- Shouldn't you be? - No. Don't have to. I'm more clever.

More big-headed too.

Here, Jeanette! Tell Terry he should've stayed with me last night.

That Shirley, sex mad.

And her friend's a raving nympho!

[woman mutters] Disgusting!

How do you feel?

- [light music plays on the radio] - Okay.

- You're not nervous? - No.

Well, this is the first big hurdle.

Oh, I wish I'd had your opportunities.

Just think...

by October you'll be at university.

That'll be nice, won't it, Dad?

Mm. They'll make him get his hair cut when he gets there, all right!

Look, Mum, I've been thinking.

Three years at university.

That's a long time.

- Oh, I don't mind making a few sacrifices. - [shop bell rings]

No, I didn't mean that. I meant...

You should know you can't argue with your mother.

King Edward's, Mr Armitage?

- [till rings] - Thank you.

Bye.

Look, Mum, what I meant was, if I'm fed up now,

what am I going to feel like in three years?

It'll soon pass.

Hey, come on! Look at the time. It's turned half past eight.

All the best then, love.

You go and show 'em.

Jeanette said she saw you at the pictures on Saturday.

Yeah.

I've been working non-stop since Friday night.

Water's getting lower.

Bugger me, it's gonna be a scorcher!

That's right.

It's too bloody hot to be taking exams.

Sod the Congress of Vienna!

And bloody Napoleon!

And the War of Jenkins' bloody Ear!

What are you doing, you daft bugger?

Sod it!

You've gone mad.

- Come on, I've got an extra pen. - I've had enough of sodding school.

- Go on, you go on. - Jim!

Tell 'em... Tell 'em I've got Jenkins' Ear ache!

[Jim with French accent] Madame de Pompadour

was, I think, a silly old whore.

She made a pie from Jenkins' Ear

and washed it down with a bottle of beer!

[Grandad] You might at least let your mother know where you'll be.

I don't think that's too much to ask.

[Grandad] I shall have weeks of, "Like father, like son!"

And for once, she'll be right.

[music plays: "Chantilly Lace" by Jerry Lee Lewis]

[Teddy Boy] Brought your bucket and spade, have you, Tash?

[motorbike engine revs]

[Jim] "Please, sir,

may I leave the womb?"

I might have said,

but no one would have heard.

So I gave up, ran away.

And hitched a roller-coaster ride

in search of fish and chips and freedom!

Please, miss...

have you got a room?

[door creaks]

[Irish woman] Now, the rent is two pounds ten a week.

You'll be able to manage that, will you?

Well, in any case, it's in advance every week.

Now, there's a lavatory two floors down and there's a bathroom on the first floor.

If you're taking a bath, it's two shillings.

Now, you have a lock on your door, so if you lose anything,

it's no use coming moaning to me.

And we have a very nice house here,

so if you don't mind, you'll not be having any young ladies up here to entertain.

It's really a very nice little room you have here.

Like I say, it'll be two pounds ten in advance.

[train chugs past]

[young women laughing]

[children shout playfully]

[women laughing]

Come on, concentrate on the job. Never mind the girls!

- There's three more deckchairs over there. - [women laughing]

- We're not very fond of the ladies, are we? - Oh, my God, she's at it again!

- Come on! - Ta!

- That's right, love, later. - [women laughing]

Here...

is there anything to do here in the evenings?

[music: "Honeycomb" by Ricky Nelson]

♪ Well, it's a darn good life and it's kinda funny

♪ How the Lord made the bee and the bee made the honey

♪ And the honey bee lookin' for a home

♪ And they called it a honeycomb

♪ Then they combed the world and they gathered all

♪ Of the honeycomb into one sweet ball

♪ And the honeycomb from a million trips

♪ Made my baby's lips

♪ Oh, honeycomb, won't you be my baby?

♪ Well, honeycomb, be my own

♪ Got a hank o' hair and a piece o' bone

♪ Made a walkin', talkin' honeycomb

♪ Well, honeycomb, won't you be my baby?

♪ Well, honeycomb, be my own

♪ What a darn good life when you got a wife

♪ Like honeycomb ♪

[rock 'n' roll plays]

[waltz music plays]

[music plays: "Party Doll" by Buddy Knox]

♪ Come along and be my party doll

♪ And I'll make love to you, to you

♪ I'll make love to you ♪

[seagulls cry overhead]

[boy] Hey! Give it to us!

[boy] Give it here! Give it back!

[boy] Come on!

Can I have a deckchair, young man?

Haven't you got anything to say?

How much is it?

It's all right, Mum, you don't have to pay?

I see, dishonest now, are you? How much is it?

I won't be here long.

I've got work to do.

I can't afford to idle my life away at the seaside.

I got your postcard.

I don't know what you think you're up to.

- Why didn't you... - I don't know!

You've lost weight.

- That room you've got... - It's all right.

Jim.

Look.

- If you came back home now... - No.

Anything else you want?

From home, I mean.

There's my records and record player.

Yeah, I might've known.

You might need this.

[music plays: "Great Balls of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis]

[Jim sings drunkenly] ♪ I never felt more like singing the blues

♪ Cos I never thought that I'd ever lose

♪ Your love, dear

♪ Why d'you leave me this way?

♪ The moon and stars no longer shine

♪ The dream is gone I thought was mine

♪ There's nothing left... ♪

Caught anything yet?

I feel ill.

Probably something you ate.

No, I'm drunk.

Don't you come too close!

I'm a madman when I'm drunk.

I see.

Where do you live, son?

Llanelli Grove.

That's handy. I'm going that way. We can walk together.

Oi!

I broke in here, you know.

That lock on that gate's never been too smart.

Shall we go?

Had a good night, have you?

It's my birthday.

That's nice.

Must be lonely, your job.

It can be.

Me mum gave me some money to buy something with.

I'm a madman when I'm drunk, you know.

She wanted me to go to university, but I didn't...

Hey!

Mustn't it be great...

I mean, to be famous.

Not like that. Like Elvis!

It must be great.

[he hums]

[man and woman arguing next door]

[woman shouts]

[he hums]

[knocking on door]

[man shouting next door]

[knocking on door]

Terry!

[man shouts loudly] Get out of it! You do that again, I'll...

Well, about time.

Well, bugger me.

This all you could afford?

I bet you're crawling with fleas.

I've been waiting weeks to here this.

Oh, I got three distinctions.

Very good.

[music plays: "Donna" by Ritchie Valens]

Why did you do it?

Do what?

You know.

Oh.

I did it to see the books float down the river.

- What did they say at school? - Oh, they thought you'd gone mad.

You know when you didn't come in in the afternoon,

they head went round to see your mum. She blamed me.

You must have been daft, you know.

You can't sell deckchairs the rest of your life.

Don't worry about me.

Something'll turn up.

It just takes time.

I might finish up being the first British rock 'n' roll

deckchair-selling millionaire tycoon.

[rain pours]

[Jim] I am the lone and looney man...

who lives upon the sand.

When I left home, I thought I'd be...

the leader of the band.

[thunder rumbles]

Bloody hell!

[ringing, man speaks on tannoy] Hello again, campers! This is Radio Sunshine.

Just reminding all you super, suntanned, sunny people

that the first sitting for dinner is now being served in the yellow canteen.

One of the lads from the kitchens got caught climbing over the fence from camp B last night.

Oh, tarting with the trifles.

You should see 'em. These two chicks from Bristol or somewhere.

Right slags and they didn't even get a sniff.

- Do you know 'em? - Yeah.

Like I said, useless.

I wouldn't even touch 'em with yours.

That is, if you've got one.

I mean, we haven't seen much evidence of it, have we?

Well, you know... I mean, don't worry about it.

Just that some people are a bit more choosy where they put it.

All I'm saying is, with all these birds round here lusting after it,

and you're acting like a queer in a brothel.

Come on, we'll be late for work.

[band plays fast dance music]

[band finishes, applause]

[slow dance music plays]

[compere] And now... your very own singing idol,

Stormy Tempest!

[applause]

♪ A thousand stars in the sky

♪ Like the stars in your eyes They say to me... ♪

All right, mate! I've only got one pair of hands.

♪ That there'll never be

♪ No other love

♪ Like you

♪ For me... ♪

Table four, okay? Two browns and a Babycham.

Each night I count...

the stars in the skies.

Hoping that you...

are not telling me lies.

That you're with me tonight.

I'm captured by your charms.

♪ Oh, pretty baby

♪ Let me hold you in my arms

♪ A thousand stars in the sky

♪ Made me realise... ♪

Number four.

♪ You are the one

♪ That I adore... ♪

They've been coming here for years, you know. It's the birds.

You should their chalets. It's like Roman bloody orgies.

- No future in it though, is there? - In what?

Him being a typhoon. I mean, where will it get you?

Yeah. Not smart like us.

♪ A thousand stars in the sky

♪ Made me realise

♪ You are the one... ♪

Those two, down there. They'll go.

Yeah?

Yeah.

[man on tannoy] In the interest of your fellow holidaymakers,

please, no ball games in the chalet lines.

- [he plays harmonica] - The mystery draw will be

at the main gate tonight at 8:00pm.

The mystery draw will be at the main gate tonight at 8:00pm.

[lively music plays over tannoy]

[Mike] The one with the big knockers is mine. You can have the other one.

Oh, where's that shampoo? I can't see a bloody thing here.

Tonight's their night, lucky cows!

They didn't look like much to me.

We'll have to split 'em up. I'm not having you watching me on the job.

Oh.

What about if they don't fancy us?

That one with the big tits, her name's Sandra.

She looks a bit like Sandra Dee, doesn't she?

All right, smart-arse! It's not that funny.

[Jim laughs]

Ha! I mean...

[Jim laughs]

Ah, it was when I was at sea, wasn't it?

Got pissed.

Well, I wasn't actually at sea.

I used to work on the ferries between New Brighton and Liverpool.

One night I was out of me skull and me mates talked me into it. Bastards!

Come on! It's not that funny.

[man on tannoy] Reminding you that the midnight movie, "Carry On Sergeant",

is at 11:30 this evening in the camp cinema.

[kids laughing and playing outside]

I've been coming here for five seasons, you know.

- Yeah? - Like a holiday to me.

Well, after ten months on the bloody road with the fair, you need a break.

What do you do on the fair?

Dodgems.

Good place for pulling the birds.

Quick tickle, see if they go, and then round the back, get me end away.

That reminds me.

Let's go and order our slicers for tonight.

[Jim] Oh!

[Mike] Ah, missed it.

[Jim and Mike laughing]

- It's good practice this, you know. - Good practice for what?

Getting things into holes.

- Oh. - [she laughs]

[Mike] Hey, Sandra!

Do you want any coaching with your grip?

[giggling]

It's best if you hold the end in two hands, you know.

[giggling]

She's got a lovely arse, that Sandra.

[man on tannoy] Hello again, campers. This is Radio Sunshine,

just reminding all you suntanned, sunny, super people

that the first sitting for dinner is now being served in the yellow canteen.

So hurry along, all you happy, hungry holidaymakers.

And now here's some great news for you young ones.

Tonight's the night for the rock 'n' roller tourists.

Your weekly jiving contest will be held in the main ballroom...

He sounds the right spanner.

..at 10:00pm.

[Mike putts]

Great!

[lively music plays over tannoy]

We'll be all right here, you know.

[giggling]

Fore!

All right then?

Ten o'clock tonight in the grotty grotto.

- You and her and me and him. - Can you both jive?

Can we jive?! Whoo!

That's right.

It's your lucky day.

All right?

- Okay. - [they giggle]

[Stormy Tempest sings "Long Live Rock"] ♪ Down at the Astoria the scene was changing

♪ Bingo and rock were pushing out X-rated

♪ We were the first band to vomit in the bar

♪ And find the distance to the stage too far

♪ Meanwhile, it's getting late at ten o'clock

♪ Rock is dead, they said

♪ Long live rock!

♪ Long live rock!

♪ I need it every night

♪ Long live rock!

♪ Come and join the line

♪ Rock!

♪ Long live rock!

♪ Oh, be it dead or alive!

[feedback squeals]

♪ People walk in sideways pretending that they're leaving

♪ We put on our makeup and work out all the lead-ins

♪ Jack is in the alley selling tickets made in Hong Kong

♪ Promoter's in the pay box wondering... ♪

- Thought you said you could dance! - It's the bloody band.

♪ Back in the pub the governor stops the clock

♪ Rock is dead, they said

♪ Long live rock!

[feedback screeches]

Ah!

[band plays "What'd I Say" by Elvis Presley]

- What are you drinking? - Babycham.

Oh, and a packet of crisps.

One dance and she wants the world.

Only got as far as the last eight before.

I'll go and help Mike with the drinks.

The band put me off.

[song ends, applause]

Second week running, ladies and gentlemen,

second week running and the fourth year in succession,

the winners once again are number 25,

Derek and Deidre Heathcote. Well done, folks.

And of course, Derek and Deidre come from that marvellous, wonderful, fantastic,

- incredible House of... - [all] Windsor!

[Mike] Right then, well...

It's, uh, you two in ours and me and you in yours, all right?

Party's over at three.

Jim.

- Here's something. - Where'd you get that?

- Give her one for me. - Come on if you're coming!

All right, love.

[Stormy Tempest singing "That's All Right Now" in the ballroom]

[mugs click together]

[woman passing outside] You needn't try telling me.

[man] I get the message.

- [woman] Look, what's the use of arguing? - [man] You must be out of your mind.

[woman] I'm not out of my mind. I've told you before.

[the conversation trails away]

[song ends in the ballroom, applause]

[music starts up again in the ballroom]

[all sing along in the ballroom] ♪ Goodnight, campers

♪ See you in the morning

♪ Goodnight, campers

♪ We can see you yawning

♪ You must wake up

♪ Your sleepy head... ♪

Bet you have a different girl here every night.

[singing continues] ♪ So we'll say goodnight, campers

♪ Don't sleep in your braces

♪ Goodnight, campers

♪ Soak your teeth in Jeyes's

♪ Drown your sorrows

♪ Bring your empties back tomorrow

♪ Goodnight, campers, goodnight! ♪

[song ends, applause]

[baby starts crying nearby]

[baby cries loudly]

[crying continues]

I wouldn't let anyone else, you know.

[woman laughs outside]

[laughter continues]

[baby cries]

[crying stops]

Never let anyone else do that.

[she moans]

[man on tannoy] Campers, there's a baby crying in chalet Blue 26.

- Blue 26, a baby crying, campers. - [baby bawls]

- So hurry along down there, Mum... - First time.

..and stop the baby crying.

You won't tell anyone, will you?

- [woman outside] Goodnight then. - [man] Goodnight. Goodnight.

- [woman] Goodnight. - [man] Goodnight then.

[drunk man outside] I have no intention at all of waking any babies.

[man sings drunkenly outside]

[she moans]

[she moans]

- [she monas] - [Jim breathes heavily]

[man sings drunkenly outside] ♪ Goodnight, campers! ♪

Do you always come so quickly?

[lively music plays over the tannoy]

What was your bird's name?

Don't know, never asked her.

[children playing outside]

What was, uh, Sandra like?

Oh...

You know.

Not bad.

I've had better.

[rock 'n' roll piano plays]

Here, do you want a hand?

Oh, good on yer, mate. Thanks.

Mustn't sap me strength, you know.

- Yeah. Uh, and this? - Yeah, that's fine.

You don't play the drums, do you?

No, mouth organ. I mean, harmonica.

Why?

- Well, I was just wondering. - [piano stops]

I, uh... I think what Mr Tempest is trying to say is that, uh...

he'd like to get rid of me.

But you can't, can you, Stormy?

[he drums frantically]

Ever thought... Ever thought of writing your own songs?

What?

I mean, instead of always doing crumby Cliff Richard songs.

You ever thought about writing your own?

No, not really. I can't write.

Anyway, you've got to be American to write rock 'n' roll songs nowadays.

Well, it's the words, innit?

Well...

All right, Honky-Tonk? Thanks for the hand, son.

[piano and drums play]

[giggling]

[Jim] When first I got my end away, I wasn't much good,

I'm ashamed to say.

But night after night, I worked at my art,

as often as not with a different... tart.

Practice may not make perfect,

but it's practically perfect fun.

What are you writing then?

A love letter.

Oh, I bet.

[music plays: "Bye-Bye Love" by Everly Brothers]

You make a lovely scoreboard.

They should have told me when I came here

they were putting me in with a sex maniac.

You haven't been able to keep it still for a minute.

I thought I was a bastard, but you...

This fair you go to.

Yeah.

I'm off next week. I'm just pissed off at being locked up in here.

Do you reckon there's a job there for me?

Stud farm's the best place for you.

Mmm. Any more for the merry-go-round?

When you two little lads are finished playing whoops-a-daisy...

Just testing the cars, Jack. Don't want any nasty accidents, do we?

Well, take your pal and go and help Doreen on the coconuts.

Okay.

Come 'ead.

You've gotta watch him, Jim. He can be a right twat.

I once saw him knife a big spade cos he wouldn't get off the children's hobby horses.

[dog barks]

Three down. A quick nibble round the back of the tent, eh, Doreen?

- Oh, go and nibble yourself. - Oh, Christ, common as muck.

But a heart of gold, ask any of the lads.

- Thought you might need some help. - Look, piss off, both of you.

Jesus Christ!

All right, Gary?

It's not much admittedly, but it's home and it's free.

You're right, it's not much.

Christ, what d'you expect?

Listen, all we're here for is to work and sweat,

and work and fiddle.

Right, fiddle.

It's the game. Everyone knows it.

So don't you go and cock it up for the rest of us by being honest.

[Mike] It's a shilling for them and a shilling for you.

And wear your pants with the biggest pockets.

They know it goes on, but as long as you're not bloody obvious, it's all right.

They turn a blind eye.

That way, they pay us sod all

and we have to work all the hours God sends.

The easiest way is to work it so that you've never got the right change.

The cars are always started before you've taken the money, anyway.

So that when you get round to giving the change,

you have to jump on the back of the car and stuff it into their hands

while they're busy looking where they're going.

And for Chrissake, don't pick on anyone in a gang or you've had it.

Don't forget, it's one for you and one for them.

One for you and one for them.

[music plays: "Runaround Sue" by Dion]

[Mike] If you get challenged, you've got to weigh it up.

Whether you think you can get away with it or not.

If it's half a sheet, you usually can.

A pound only can get tricky, but it depends on the customer.

If he's left it too late, you can always say you've never seen him before.

I'll back you up. Then it looks as though he's trying to do you.

It's all a matter of style.

Good money though, isn't it?

You'll like Bath. Better class of fuck there.

[music plays: "Devoted To You" by The Everly Brothers]

[she groans] I'll have to go now.

My mum will go mad.

No!

[she cries]

[she cries] You won't tell anyone, will you?

Been doing some gardening again, have you?

What, that little schoolgirl?

Christ!

She was insatiable.

Well, you're no bloody Jesus!

All I'm saying is, pick on someone you're own size.

Just piss me off sometimes you do.

[dog barks outside]

[Jim] Tough.

[Mike] Sodding cue.

Didn't they teach you anything in that orphanage?

Yeah, they taught me how to look after meself.

It was great. Well, the first one was.

There was this matron, organised a birthday party for me when I was eight.

She made a cake with icing and candles, you know.

She was called Miss Wakefield.

She used to smell of hospitals, but she was okay.

[Mike sighs]

She used to call me Mickey Rooney, cos I was so little.

And then she got moved somewhere else.

Makes you tough though, independent.

When I was 14, me mother came to see me.

- And I told her to piss off. - Here, hold on.

You told me your mum was killed in the war.

Did I? Well...

I lie a lot.

- You what? - I gave you ten bob.

- I don't think so, chief. - I did, didn't I?

- Bloody right! - Oh, come on, the pair of you, piss off!

I'll tell my friend! You've had it!

This one's mine, Jimmy boy, keep your hands off.

For you, anything!

Whoo! Hello, darlings! Here we are!

Oh, money as well!

[music plays: "Poetry In Motion" by Johnny Tillotson]

[Doreen] Hey.

Where's Tweedledum?

He's working.

Should I give you some help?

You're always too late.

[ambulance bell rings]

Six broken ribs, a collarbone done for

and 24 stitches in his side.

[hammering, man whistles]

I can't understand why he wasn't missed, being gone so long.

What about you then?

How do you fancy working on the whip?

I was going to move Mike but, uh...

I don't expect we'll see him for a while. Think you can handle it?

Cos...

it can be a bit dangerous.

But the money's better.

Yeah. No sweat.

Okay.

Thanks!

[coin rattles in slot]

Hello?

Hello, could I speak to Terry Sutcliffe?

Hello? Terry?

It's Jim. Remember?

[Jim] "Monica's Mouth Organ" by James MacLaine.

The mouth organ tremored,

jumped a scale or two,

and quavered at the sight of her crotchet.

With trembling vibrato, he undid her discord

and percussion in softly, ran a quick cantata saying,

"I'll do you no harm, Monica."

[rock 'n' roll plays]

Well!

Where's the revolution, Fidel?

[music plays: "Tutti Frutti" by Little Richard]

See those girls there?

- It's the same every night. - Yeah?

Amazing. Whoo! You wouldn't believe it.

Yeah, it's pretty much the same at college.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I mean, there's never any reason to go short.

No. Well, what's the social life like?

Oh, the dances aren't bad.

Here, I tell you what, as you're off, do you want to give it a try?

Why not?

A couple of trips on the whip, then we'll go over to your place.

See that. Perks of the job.

So don't leave your change inside your pants' pockets,

otherwise you're gonna lose it. Are you gonna be all right?

See you in a minute.

That silly bugger will kill himself one of these days.

But he's a good operator.

Yeah. Only, the best ones are dead ones.

All right?

Come and meet a couple of ladies I've fixed us up with.

All right, so you didn't fancy yours.

I didn't fancy mine much, but she didn't make me throw up.

[Jim laughs]

[jazz band plays]

Everyone here likes trad.

Oh, come on, admit it. Rock was just a craze.

Bollocks!

They'll be playing rock years after all of that... crap has been bombed and banned.

You're still playing your mouth organ then?

Meet two ladies I've fixed us up with.

Jim.

Suzanne and Charlotte.

We all take economic history together.

Oh, Jim and I used to be friends at school.

What are you doing now?

He works on a fair.

What exactly do you do on the fair?

Well, I'm the chief show-off.

I mean, I pretend to be superman on the whip

and do a death-defying routine.

I'm the bloke that everybody wishes would fall into the machinery

and get his kidney twisted round his ear.

No, seriously, I'm just there to write a novel.

It's nearly finished.

It's all about life in the fairground.

It's called "Vanity Fair".

Or, "Jim The Whipper Had A Big Dipper".

Shall we, uh...?

Look... I must go.

I've just seen some people.

[music plays: "At The Hop" by Danny & The Juniors]

[music stops]

Goodnight, guv.

Well, you coming?

Got a room?

I've got a bike.

[motorbike engine revs]

[engine stops]

It's at the top.

[baby babbles]

- Is that your baby? - Mm.

[baby babbles]

And you leave it alone?

The woman downstairs listens out for him.

Come on.

- I didn't think you'd be slow. - [baby babbles]

Fucking hell!

[baby cries]

[baby's cries echo]

[baby bawls loudly]

Well?

You must be very proud of yourself.

[hymn plays on the radio]

How you've got the nerve to come back here after two years, I don't know.

Turning up like that in the middle of the night.

[vicar on radio] Hymn number 376.

Selfish, that's you.

Never a thought for how I might be getting on.

The odd postcard when you found time to remember you had a mother.

It's not been easy, you know, what with the shop and your grandad the way he is.

[hymn plays on radio]

[Jim] How long has he been like that?

[Mary] Six months.

You've no idea what it's been like.

And you not knowing he's alive or dead.

What happened to him?

He's a lot of work, you know.

And I never had a husband or a son to help me.

And I managed without your father and I'll manage without you!

[he sighs]

Terry's done well, you know.

I saw him.

He's at the university now.

A credit to his parents.

You were always cleverer than him and you know it.

But, oh no! Not you.

If you did come back, what would you do?

And how can I be sure you wouldn't be off again just as soon as the fancy took you.

It wouldn't be so bad if you got your hair cut.

You could always go to night school.

Still not too late.

[tapping on window]

You know, Mum, we could really do things with this little shop.

[scoffs] I've been doing things with it for over 20 years.

Modernisation, that's what it's all about.

Maybe if I traded the bike in for a little van, you know,

part-exchange.

Perhaps you should've gone to art school.

When this goes up, we'll have 'em queuing down the road.

[music plays: "Why Do Fools Fall In Love" by The Teenagers]

Perhaps you should sit down somewhere else for a minute.

I thought it was you the other day, outside the salon.

That's right.

We didn't know you were coming home.

Yeah, well, I wasn't.

I came with Jean. She's Terry's girlfriend.

- You remember her? - Maybe.

I'm not sure.

Jean's had to go, but I thought I might stay and put in some more practice.

I'll give you a lesson.

I mean, if you like.

Right then, turn round.

That's it.

Now, left foot first.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

[music plays: "Dream Lover" by Bobby Darin] ♪ Every night I hope and pray

♪ A dream lover will come my way

[Jim sings along] ♪ A girl to hold in my arms

♪ And know the magic of her charms

♪ Cos I want Yeah-yeah-yeah

♪ A girl Yeah-yeah

♪ To call Yeah-yeah

♪ My own Yeah-yeah

♪ I want a dream lover

♪ So I don't have to dream alone

♪ Dream lover, where are you?

♪ With a love, oh, so true

♪ And the hand that I can hold

♪ To feel you near as I grow old

♪ Cos I want yeah-yeah-yeah

♪ A girl Yeah-yeah

♪ To call Yeah-yeah

♪ My own Yeah-yeah

♪ I want a dream lover

♪ So I don't have to dream alone ♪

Why did you bring me here today?

[birds twittering]

Oh, I dunno.

Grandad was busy.

I told them at the salon I'd got flu.

I never thought that was going to get us here.

Yeah.

It's going tomorrow.

We're getting a van.

To help with the shop.

Never thought of you as a shopkeeper.

Never thought of you as a footballer.

[horn honks]

That's it. With that, Mum, we move into the big time.

Well.

I suppose...

it'll be very nice for taking your grandad out for drives in.

[birds twittering]

The girls at the fair, what were they like?

You can if you want to.

[shop bell rings]

Well...

bugger me!

Didn't your mum like it then?

Oh, it's nice to see you doing so well.

Liquorice or lolly-pops?

Why'd you come home?

Well, you might like to think that I'd seen the error of my wicked ways.

Or that my pride was hurt when you made a right prick out of me at the students' union.

Might like to think anything.

Truth is...

it was filial affection.

Oh, what?

Yeah, I was missing me mum. Feeling very prodigal at the time.

What about Jeanette?

What about Little Richard?

My mother doesn't like you going out with her.

- How long holiday have you got? - A month.

That'll be nice.

Eh?

I mean, for Jean, your girlfriend.

Good-looking girl you got there. Filling out nicely.

[music and screaming]

[inaudible]

[piano is being tuned]

Well, I'd better go and make sure the bride looks her best tomorrow.

- I wish she'd never set eyes on him. - I'll come with you, Mum.

See you later, Jean.

Hello. Hello, Mrs Sutcliffe.

All right?

What do they want me to do?

They'll be okay by tomorrow.

- She still think Jeanette's pregnant? - Mm-hm.

What about Terry, what does he think?

It's pathetic.

Oh! [laughs]

Do you want to come for a drink with me tonight?

- Haven't you got a stag party? - You're joking.

Seven thirty, under the clock, all right?

I don't know.

[he whistles]

- Uh, don't want any tea, Mum. - No?

No. Stag night.

Won't be late.

[knocking on door]

It's all right.

You don't have to, you know.

Jeanette would go mad if she could see me here with you.

Oh, I think she'd understand.

Why an earth are you getting married?

I don't know.

I mean...

why does anyone?

Why doesn't someone believe me?

I am not pregnant!

He's never laid a finger on me.

No, she's not.

Anyway, let's not talk about tomorrow. Makes me nervous.

But you don't know what he's like.

He's girl mad.

He's not!

He's settled down.

Always fancied you, you know.

[he laughs] Strange.

To think that tonight's my last night of freedom.

I don't mind.

It's that, it's a funny feeling.

You don't know him like I do.

It's no good telling me he's changed. He'll never change.

It's more comfortable in the back.

None of you will give him a chance!

He's settled down!

[Jean] Is this what you do with Jeanette?

[Jim] Now, now.

Come on, Jean, it is my last night of freedom.

But Jeanette's my best friend.

He's just no good.

Well, he's your best friend!

And I know him!

[moaning]

He's a randy sod.

Am I better than Jeanette?

Oh, shut up!

Oh!

[they laugh]

[applause]

As best man,

I'd just like to say...

that knowing Jim as I have done for nearly 20 years now, I...

[little girl whines]

I can only say that Jeanette is marrying a...

a good, honest, reliable bloke

and a best friend a man could ever wish for.

- To the bride and groom. - [applause]

And now... now, I'd like all of you to join me and drink a toast...

to the lovely bridesmaids.

[all] Bridesmaids.

[applause]

[piano plays]

It's not right, you know.

Cos he's just not good enough for her.

It should never have happened.

She was always a good girl. I wish she'd never set eyes on him.

..Their own just yet. They'll be living with me for a little while.

Until they get on their feet. But with her working at the hairdresser's,

they should be able to afford something very nice quite soon.

Where were you last night when I came round?

[milkman whistles outside, milk bottles clink]

[toilet flushes loudly]

[Jim] Told her it was safe, I did.

Though I didn't know for sure.

Nor stop to consider now that it was legal...

and we two were one.

Funny to think, we'll soon be three.

Or maybe four!

[man on TV] £10 for the... You'll go for the £10?

Splendid. You'll go for the £10. And question two.

Windermere, Coniston, Ullswater are?

[male contestant] Uh, Windermere, Coniston...

Windermere and Coni...? Oh...

- Lakes? - Lakes!

[Mary] Did you go after the job at Elliot's?

[TV] £10, Terry! £10, Terry.

Now, this makes you eligible, Terry, for our catch mystery question.

[Mary] We could do with a little less thinking and a bit more doing from you, young man.

Will you take the mystery question, Terry?

- Is that too tight, love? - No, that's fine.

- Uh, £16, uh, £20! - I'll take the mystery question.

- I'll be off to night school now. - Uh, £25, ten shillings.

- I'll take the question. - £25, twelve and six.

- I'll take the question. - You'll take the question! Excellent!

Well, the mystery catch question and take care because this is a very difficult one.

The highest, repeat, highest mountain in Wales is called?

♪ I'll be lookin' for you

♪ Gonna search in the mountains

♪ Down in the deep blue sea... ♪

- Hello, John. - How are you?

- What's the band like? - Not bad.

Debonaires.

- Will you take these? - Sure.

♪ If you find new bait on your fishin' hook

♪ If you find a funny face in your comic book

♪ Baby, it'll be me

♪ And I'll be lookin' for you Oh, come on!

♪ Gonna look in the city

♪ Where the lights are blue

♪ Gonna search in the forest

♪ And in the haystacks too

♪ If you see something shoot now across the stars

♪ If you see a rocketship on its way to Mars

♪ Baby it'll be me

♪ And I'll be lookin' for you ♪

[Mary] Another cup of tea, Mrs Sutcliffe?

No, thanks, I've had sufficient.

- Mr Sutcliffe? - No, he won't either.

[baby babbles]

Come on, then.

There's a boy. Ooh!

Think I can see a look of you in him, Mary.

Yes?

Must be quite a handful for you, having a new baby in the house.

Oh, no, he's as good as gold.

Just like Jim was at that age.

We don't know we're born with them, do we, Jeanette?

Now, you're going to be a good boy for your Granny Sutcliffe, aren't you?

Were you as good as gold, then?

I hope you're not letting everybody run around after you all the time, Jeanette.

You know, I never had a daughter of my own, but your Jeanette is just what I would have wanted.

- [Mary] Look at those eyes! - [Jean] How's the van going?

- [Mary] Jeanette, can't you see Grandma Sutcliffe's? - It's not.

Oh, that's a shame.

I told Albert we should have bought a business, didn't I, Albert?

It's not doing as well as it should.

I always impressed on Terry the importance of qualifications.

[Jean] Terry wants to get engaged after his finals.

So it looks as though we're going to be relations.

Well, bugger me.

Looks as though we're going to see quite a lot of each other.

[Mary] Shall I have him now?

That will be nice, won't it?

[Mrs Sutcliffe] I'll keep him a bit longer.

- You know... - [Mary] He's not too heavy?

- [Mrs Sutcliffe] No. - Terry and you...

you'll make a lovely couple.

- [Mrs Sutcliffe] He's probably a bit of a hand. - [baby cries]

What was Jean on about this afternoon?

What?

Jean! This afternoon!

Oh, nothing.

Before we were married, did you ever...

you know, take her out?

Jean?

Oh, come on!

Did you, Jim?

What, Jean?

No.

Never.

I wouldn't have minded. I just wanted to know.

[music plays: "Jailhouse Rock"]

♪ Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone

♪ Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone

♪ The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang

♪ The whole rhythm section was the Purple Gang

♪ Let's rock

♪ Everybody, let's rock

♪ Everybody in the whole cell block

♪ Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock

♪ When number 47 said to number three

♪ "You're the cutest jailbird I ever did see

♪ I sure would be delighted with your company

♪ Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me"

♪ Let's rock

♪ Everybody, let's rock

♪ Everybody in the whole cell block

♪ Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock Rock me now!

[baby cries]

- What you writing? - Oh, it's nothing.

Let me see.

You are funny! [laughs]

"At first I weaved daisy chains around your toes.

Hung cherries from your ears.

And got you drunk on buttercup wine.

But the wine curdled...

from too much cream.

My cherry love's turned to stone

and now the chains have turned me crazy.

Daisy."

Daisy.

[she giggles]

"And there's no love for you.

At last I'm leaving before the nettles get us."

I don't know what you're on about half the time.

What's that about the nettles getting us, anyway?

Oh, I don't know.

I suppose it's cos I'm a bit of a prick.

[rock 'n' roll plays]

Hi, MacLaine.

How you doing?

Okay!

What the hell, boys? How's the group?

Fantastic. Most of the boys you know left.

Well, there's only me and Stuart that you'd know now.

We're semi-pros.

Yeah, we'll be professional as soon as we get a decent amplifier.

We've got a recording session next week.

Yeah, London Palladium the week after.

It's good money then?

Not bad. Twenty quid a week we got at Butlin's.

Christ!

You used to play the harmonica, didn't you?

I saw a group last week. One of their blokes played an harmonica.

He weren't bad. You should've kept it up, you know.

Well, I did.

Yeah, I used to be with a band called Stormy Tempest.

But, you know, it wasn't going the right way, so...

Anyway, what are you doing round here?

We're playing the Floral Hall tonight. Why don't you come down and see us?

Well, maybe I will if I get time.

♪ Well, come on, pretty baby, won't you walk with me?

♪ Come on, pretty baby, won't you talk with me?

♪ Come on, pretty baby, give me one more chance

♪ Try and save our romance!

♪ Slow down!

♪ Baby, now you're moving way too fast

♪ You gotta give me a little lovin' Gimme a little lovin'

♪ Ow! If you want our love to last!

♪ Well, I used to walk you home, baby, after school

♪ Carry your books home too

♪ But now you've got a boyfriend with a diamond ring

♪ Baby, what you trying to do?

♪ Slow down

♪ Baby, now you're moving way too fast

♪ You gotta give me a little lovin' Gimme a little lovin'

♪ Oh, if you want our love to last!

All right!

[music continues in the distance]

[whirring]

[Mr MacLaine] Jim.

You know I tried to settle down again.

I was really looking forward to coming home.

[Mary] Go on now, run and meet your daddy.

[Mr MacLaine] And here's me thinking you'd still be a baby.

[Mary] He never liked the shop. Bored him.

Was all too small for him.

You should never have come home.

[Mr MacLaine] It would have been easier if I'd never been away.

[Mary] Have you thought where you'll go?

[Mr MacLaine] No.

Perhaps when I get somewhere, you know, make something of myself,

I'll send for you and Jimmy.

[Mary] No.

Look after your mother for me, will you, son?

[Jeanette] Jim!

[baby cries]

He's leaving us!

[baby cries]

[baby cries]

Right. Sure you'll be able to handle it?

Yeah, I'll be all right.

[music plays: "That'll Be The Day" by Buddy Holly]

♪ Well, that'll be the day when you say goodbye

♪ That'll be the day when you make me cry

♪ You say you're gonna leave, you know it's a lie, cos... ♪