Original subtitles

MUSIC: Somebody Was Watching by Pops Staples

I been shot up and shipped down

I been turned away and turned around...

Joshua Walker? SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

Hi. Thank God, thought you'd stood me up.

Oh, sorry. I tried to call you.

Nah, my phone's in a bag of rice.

Right. Right. Well, actually I came to say,

and I wanted to say it straight away... Yep.

..it really isn't anything to do with you. What do you want?

Martinis are pretty good. I've had three.

I don't think they've kicked in yet.

The thing is, basically, I-I-I messed up

and I should really be somewhere else.

Oh. GLASS SHATTERS

Whoops.

God, Josh, it's been such a long time.

Well, half hour.

No, silly! Since school.

I think you might be mixing me...

I thought you might still be with Esther.

But I guess you're not cos you're here, so...

SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

SHE SIGHS

You don't remember me, do you?

Of course! Jekka!

I knew it.

Sad not to be on holiday any more, huh?

Yeah, probably.

Why don't we bring holiday to London, then?

What?

See, baby. Just like the beach.

And do you remember what we did on the beach?

Oh!

Yeah! OK.

Yeah?

It's a bit cold, isn't it? Oh, you keep me warm, though.

No, can I not go on the bottom?

Dogs shit in these things.

It's fine, baby. It's...it's clean.

Look, someone else must have done it here.

Nope. Nope, absolutely not.

It's just perfect.

I can't believe I've become one of those people who says,

"I love this kitchen," but I do.

I just love this kitchen.

It's great. You must have been so happy here.

So happy.

It just feels like somewhere we can nest together, you know?

We're not selling the house.

Sorry? We're not selling it. But you...

Fola and I were getting a divorce.

That's why we were selling the house. But we're not any more.

We're going to get back together, so the deal's off.

Baby, you're just mashing the buttons.

Try pulling off a combo.

You seem off tonight, babe.

I'm not off. I'm normal.

Is it something I've done? Of course not. It's just...

..when I went away, I just...thought everything would be fixed

by the time I came back.

And it's, like, right now, the only thing that's actually really

going for me is you, you know. Oh, thanks, babe!

No, I mean, like, there is literally nothing else.

Like, if I go back to teaching,

it's like admitting I was wrong to leave.

Well, you don't have to work.

Yeah, I do. For money, mate.

No, I mean, I do pretty good from the crypto, most of the time,

so you could just chillax until it's time for our next adventure.

So, I just...

..do nothing? Yeah.

Easy life, baby!

Yeah. OK.

Yes!

Night falls, the morning comes

Today is the day

Today is the day

I walk, while others sleep

Today is the day

Today is the day

Time has no end

In the morning light

In the morning light...

DOOR SHUTS

I'm not saying we should kick him out. I'm just saying give him

a gentle nudge.

Zach!

How are you? You look a bit down in the dumps.

I'm fine. I just, um...

I did something that might have been dumb.

Anything you want to talk about?

No. Thank you.

Well, if you need cheering up, you have a date tomorrow.

Sorry? Eddie'll tell you, I'm a born matchmaker,

like Cupid or Paddy McGuinness.

I don't know who that is.

Well, you have a date with the lovely Claire,

from this morning. She's free tomorrow.

Monica, I am married!

ZACH EXHALES

Just trying to help, mate.

You're right.

I'm sorry. Monica...I'm sorry.

It's been a long day.

Of course, I'll have a drink with her.

I'll give you her number.

DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT

Fox got in from the garden. Ate all your Caramel Chew Chew.

Bring it over here.

And an extra spoon.

Thought you'd be with Josh.

Being naked and stuff.

So did I.

Where'd he go?

Uh, work, I think.

Work?! Really?

Mm.

He must have had his reasons. Well, he's just impossible!

One minute he's suffocating me

and the next he's fucking off and not answering my messages.

FOLA SIGHS I can't work him out.

Isn't that what you wanted, space?

Yeah, well, sort of.

He doesn't seem like an unreadable book to me, you know?

He wants to be with you, even when you're pushing him away.

Is it that obvious? Mum and Dad said you used to run around

the school playground giving dead legs to the boys you liked.

Why do I do that?

There's something I haven't told him.

Don't you dare be pregnant.

Obviously not!

This...

There's a job...

..in New York.

The editor of a big travel magazine's going on sabbatical.

Shit! That's massive. That's, like, your dream! Yeah.

But you haven't talked to Josh about it?

Well, how can I?

I know it's hard, but you've got to let him in at some point.

Not every relationship ends like you and Zach. Well, statistically,

50% of relationships end up like me and Zach.

Is that his ex?

What's she doing out there?

You should go and talk to her. I definitely shouldn't.

Hmm. I mean, she knows him pretty well. She hates my guts.

Maybe I should check if she's all right.

This was nice.

We should do this more often. Do what?

Talk...about stuff.

We do it all the time.

No, we don't.

Hi.

Hey, here we go.

OK, you ready? I'll get you in.

OK, you ready? Come on, let's get you home.

Hello! Please take us to the club, please.

To the club. No, we're going to your flat, which is...

Yeah, want to go club.

Oh, oh, I know what YOU mean! You want to...

No, I just think you should get home.

OK. Home and then club.

Can we open a window, please?

Thank you. Cheers.

Hey! Wow, wow, wow, wow.

I started a rota.

It's not my turn, but I have to do it...

Well, don't do it now! ...every time.

I used to have such a crush on you, you know?

Yeah, no, you did mention it once or twice in the cab.

I don't normally do this on a first date, but...

Oh, no, no, no. I promise, I really don't want to do any...

Oh!

Oh, that's nice.

SHE SNORTS

SHE SNORES

SHE GASPS

SHE SIGHS Are you serious?!

Can I sit?

Fucking hell.

It's the last thing I need today.

Sorry, are you here to apologise or something?

Make yourself feel better? I'd like to...

..apologise. Well, it's not really the moment, TBH.

Anything you'd like to talk about? No. Not with you.

OK.

I appreciate the thought, though.

About apologising.

Maybe another time.

OK.

Not everyone would.

I snogged my mate Fran's boyfriend in year ten

and I just never talked to her again. Was it worth it?

No, he was a dickhead.

Well, Josh said that you've moved on with a hot Norwegian guy.

I think he's Swedish.

I don't think it's moving on.

You met him travelling?

You know Aperol spritz? Fucking delicious when on holiday, right?

And then they're not the same when you come home

and try to make them in your kitchen.

I'd still like to meet him, though.

What's his name?

WHISPERS: What?! Shit!

Fuck's sake.

Actually, I'm throwing Josh

a surprise party tomorrow for his birthday.

Seeing as you guys are cool, you could come over, if you like?

Not a big deal if not.

Hi.

What are you two talking about?

Cost of living crisis.

The films of Wes Anderson.

How much we miss Topshop.

The history of the microchip.

I feel ganged up on now. Not everything's about you, Josh.

I'm going to go inside.

I just needed to get some air.

DOOR SHUTS So, I am really sorry.

Before you start, I do want space,

but there's a difference between giving me space and then

fucking off out of a restaurant and not texting me back for hours, OK?

Yeah, OK.

Sorry, I agree.

Or I hear you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Shut up.

And this doesn't mean that I'm not pissed off with you. Sure.

I just need this more right now. Gotcha. OK.

Ah! Oh, no, no, no, not here.

Why not? Cos fucking carpet burn!

Do you want to be rubbing lotion on my arse for the next two weeks?

Kind of, yes.

You're incredible.

Turn me round. What?

Turn me round. I want to finish like that. Oh.

THEY GROAN

THEY GROAN AND SIGH

THEY PANT

Wow. Wow, yeah.

HE CHUCKLES Oh, I needed that.

We needed that. Oh, yeah.

Sorry was I...was I being a bit intense?

I don't really know what I'm saying with you. Yeah, I should pee. Oh.

Er, can I ask you something?

So long as it's not another attempt to get me to move in with you.

Right. Um...

..I just... I wanted to check, like...

..we're...exclusive, right?

Exclusive?! All right, Gossip Girl.

Well, like, you're not seeing other people, right?

Obviously not. Who has the time?

And also, you know, I like you.

Why'd you ask? Would YOU say that we're exclusive?

Yes.

Obviously, yes.

Good chat, mate.

HE SIGHS Happy birthday, by the way.

It's gone midnight. Shame that we can't do anything...

..together tomorrow cos you're busy.

Is something up? No, all good.

Did you lose your schoolgirl satchel, by the way?

Huh? Your backpack.

I feel like you had it at dinner, but not tonight.

MUSIC: Dancer by IDLES & LCD Soundsystem

Er...

Hold the phone, hip to hip Cheek to cheek

Push me away like I'm Lucifer, so to speak

My focus is on the cocoa butter running down your neck

And the sweat

Feet touch, brush hands feather's ache

We can swing if you prefer, so to speak

My breath moves your hair in a round, at a glance

Like a pirouette and the sweat...

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