Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language

JOSH GROANS

Fuck.

Morning. What you doing up? It's a Saturday.

I've got work. Also I think the sofa did something to my neck.

Lars does a great massage. I'm sure he'd be up for it.

Ah, um... I think it's probably OK.

Do you think...do you think you'll carry on with the teaching?

I've just got back, mate. Give a girl a break.

Right. Fair enough. Now you're back, I'd, um...

I'd love to have a conversation at some point.

Oh, no, we're fine on the sofa, tbh.

We just didn't know you were coming back last night.

No, I mean more, really...

..where we left things. How we left things, really.

Nothing to talk about. It's all good.

You're fine on the sofa, right, babe?

Oh, definitely! Looks like a great one.

Oh! OK, um...

I can't quite think of a delicate way to say this.

Say what? I'm saying it. Maybe you could...

..wash the sheets? Why?

Oh, I think he means because of the sex juices, babe. Oh...

It's OK. Also, do you have any carpet shampoo?

I should go. Oh, shame.

Looks like just the two of us now. Right. Yeah. Sweet.

Maybe we should go out. Yeah.

Have you ever been to a recording studio?

No, sorry. Got to go, bye!

DOOR SLAMS

Hmm...

DOORBELL RINGS

Tiwa! Can I stay here for a bit? I've kinda been kicked out.

I mean, what was I meant to do, not get hammered on my birthday?

Well... And it's not like I didn't try and clean it up.

Like, I cleaned it up, but I sort of just rubbed it in more.

That's probably... Even if I did know

it was some fucking family heirloom,

it's not like I chose to puke on it. Fair, yeah. So...

She'll cool down in a couple of days. A week at most.

A week? Fucking posh people own property.

No offence. So, er, where's Josh?

Your love is only dust

Your love is only

Your love is only dust.

I think that might be the one, Zephyr.

Shall we do another 40 takes, just to be sure?

I'm not the one producing this, you are.

I'm just here to press record. Someone's Mr Grumpy today.

I'm not Mr Grumpy, I'm fine.

You don't sound fine, Mr Grumpy.

Did Fola dump you? No!

But I did sort of accidentally ask her to move in with me last night.

After how long? Well, nearly six months!

Minus a few. Well, technically, three months. Zero chill.

We met her sister, and she introduced me as her friend.

She knows you were, like, going out, right?

This isn't something where you've been watching her through

the window and making dolls out of her hair and stuff?

He could be the type, actually. No, I couldn't! Stop ganging up on me!

She probably just wants to keep things casual. Like, don't rush it.

Casual? Like, seeing other people.

Seeing other people? You know. At the start of a relationship.

Isn't the start of a relationship when you stop seeing other people?

No, that's when you're exclusive.

Have you talked about going exclusive? No...

Shouldn't you have, like, more life experience by now?

I have experience from being in one relationship for my entire

adult life. I don't know how to start new ones.

He's a millennial, though, isn't he?

It's a generation gap thing, like TikTok or Harry Potter.

I know what Harry Potter is. I actually read them

when they came out. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You probably do those quizzes and stuff.

"Oh, no, I'm a Hubblepuff!"

THEY LAUGH Hufflepuff.

And actually, I'm a Gryffindor. Are you, though?

That's how you give her space, then. Go on dates with other people.

But I don't like other people. I like Fola.

It's not about liking other people. It's about keeping it casual.

Give me your phone.

Zephyr, I...I'm flattered...

Not me, doofus. I can't begin to tell you how gay I am.

Picture uploading and congrats!

You now have a dating profile.

Look, I'm sure this is...

..very kind of you, but I'm not going to do that.

It might help you relax a bit.

It might make stuff work better with your main girl, you know?

Just see how you feel when the messages start pouring in,

and I'm sure they will. PHONE VIBRATES

Oh! See?

It's just a text from Domino's, actually.

It's one minute away.

So, have you had time to consider our offer?

Yes, it's so exciting. Thank you.

It's huge. Mm.

New York, Nat Geo Traveller. Mm-hm.

And, um, I'm hungry for it, you know?

I sensed that. It is a lot, though.

New York's a long way from home.

Er, yeah, no, it is...

It is a big move, even if it is short-term.

But I promise I'll let you know first thing Monday.

Oh, first thing your time, not, like, 4am.

That's when I start my day. Oh, well, great.

Well, I'll speak to you then.

Thank you. Speak to you then. Thank you. All right.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Hi, there.

Hi.

You must be Zack the lodger.

And you must be... Claire.

Claire the neighbour?

Whose neighbour? Monica and Eddie's.

Oh, right.

Er, no, I'm a friend.

I left my headphones here the other day,

I was just coming to pick them up. That's the worst.

Yeah, those little white fuckers basically jump out of my pocket.

That's why I've got these big guys.

It's like walking around with a ball and chain.

Yeah, I can see that. They are massive.

I feel like they'd squash my head.

Can I try them on?

Yeah, of course.

Um...

Mm. Sounds interesting.

Oh, it is. It's about AI.

Yeah, too much for me, I think.

The headphones, not AI.

Probably AI too, actually.

Thanks, though.

Here you are, love.

Oh, I see you two have met.

We have.

You wouldn't think he would fit in that little box room, would you?

Oh, I don't know. You could be a contortionist or something.

I definitely am not.

I should head.

Um, thanks for these, Monica.

And, um, nice to meet you, Zack the lodger.

Nice to meet you too, Claire the...

Claire.

DOOR CLOSES

She's nice.

Oh, she's very nice. She's like you, you know.

Like me? She... Oh, she lived here? No, she likes to watch.

We met her online too.

Oh, wow.

I've got an idea. Maybe you should ask her out.

I believe she's unattached.

It's so hard to find people who share your interests.

I'm, er...

That's very kind of you, but this is a temporary situation.

I'm going to get Fola back.

Aren't you off home to divide up your stuff? Yes.

Yeah, I'm still working on a plan.

Best be quick about it, then.

An old flame used to show me

Fire don't have to burn

He said, "Baby, don't you worry"

Don't you worry

There's only more to learn

Every laugh, every touch, every kiss

Can haunt me at times...

LARS: It's amazing. The supermarkets are so different here,

but somehow still the same, you know?

Esther!

Zack!

Just getting some boxes.

Cool! Oh, we just wanted to get out the house.

Be around other people, you know. Connect.

And also get crisps!

Yeah. Um, Zack, this is my boyfriend, Lars.

Lars, this is Zack.

LARS GREETS HIM

Thank you... Er, I'm her neighbour.

Was. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I heard. Or I figured.

Have you got a place of your own now?

Or, like, a hotel? Er, no...

Oh, sorry, I don't mean like a sad divorce hotel,

I mean like a, like a cool hotel, with a, with a bar or something...

Oh, we're not divorced yet.

Who knows how real this whole Josh thing is, you know?

Right, yeah.

Did I mention that Lars is my boyfriend?

You did.

Love of my life, really.

Probably.

Probs, yeah.

Could be, yeah.

Don't do that.

Well, that's great.

Um, well, we'll leave you to your boxes.

Sure thing. See ya.

So it's him who liked to watch his wife have sex with Josh?

Sh! Use your inside voice.

Don't look!

I had no idea.

I just thought you'd finally found the stick up Zack's bum

and got outta there. He doesn't have a stick up his...

I mean, I'm not judging, I'm not,

but I always thought there was something up with him.

Well, famously, you tried to talk me out of marrying him.

Well, famously, he made you boring.

He did not. I'm not, I never have been boring.

So, what, your problem with Josh is that you don't want to go

straight into another thing? I don't want to discuss it with you.

Yeah, you do. No, I really don't.

OK, the thing is... There we go. After everything,

I guess I want to start with a clean slate, you know?

Take it slowly. But Josh, he was with his previous partner

since school, basically. Oh, shit, one of those?

So he's slipping straight back into relationship mode

and I can feel myself going along with it sometimes.

I was going to be throwing him

a surprise birthday dinner tomorrow, but like...

..I'm trying to get him to give me some space,

but is that sending out a mixed signal?

Well, it doesn't have to be shit.

I didn't say it was going to be shit.

Sure, but it doesn't have to be a boring dinner party.

Leave it with me. I'll make it fun. You're not invited. Well, I am now.

I knew I shouldn't have said anything.

What sort of things does he like?

I mean...

..music. Everyone likes music.

He's a man in his 30s. I don't know.

Formula 1, Christopher Nolan, Scandi crime dramas.

I'm sure you can figure it out. Hmm.

PHONE VIBRATES

See?

Oh, yeah, that's a bit much, innit? Mm! Can I read up?

No, give it back.

PHONE VIBRATES

Huh.

THEY LAUGH

Ooh, watch out

You might get what you're after

Cool, babies

Strange, but not a stranger

I'm an ordinary guy

Burning down the house

Hold tight

Wait till the party's over

Hold tight

We're in for nasty weather

And there has got to be a way

Burning down the house

Well, here's your ticket, pack your bags

Time for jumpin' overboard

Transportation is here

Close enough, but not too far

Maybe you know where you are

Burning down the house.

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