Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature

Ice cold water running through my veins

Got a bad taste in my mouth from bitter tears

Heart feels sad cos love's gone bad

I see a rainbow all in black

Must be a sign you ain't coming back

Wake in the night calling your name

I see a face on my window pane

I've been this way since you've been gone

Without your loving I can't go on

Look in the mirror...

Oh, shit!

Look who it is!

Look, look, my big sister turned up!

It's so good to see you! Oh!

Well, I wouldn't have missed it.

Yeah, you would've.

I don't think you've been to one of my birthdays since my 21st.

Yeah, well, it took me that long to recover.

Oh, man, your eyes when we got to the club.

You were like, "Where's the wine and cheese?"

Excuse me!

I am a...

..club...monster.

That place was just shit.

Yeah, you're right.

It was shit.

Did you get me a present?

Shut up, man. I'm here, aren't I?

What would you like to drink?

Hello, mate!

What...

What's happening?

Who's this?

Hi!

Hi.

Josh, not to be rude,

but you did say you were going to be out for the whole evening.

Oh, well, sorry, Nina, I didn't know Esther

would be joining Lesbian Book Club after being away for six months!

LGBTQ+ Book Club, Josh, for God's sake.

And this is meant to be a cis-het free space?

What about this random guy?

Lars, this is Josh, my ex.

Josh, this is Lars, my current.

Current...boyfriend?

Hi, I'm Lars.

We met in Thailand.

And I think it's OK that I'm here, cos I'm a little bit bi.

The thing is, they don't have anywhere else to go.

It's my flat.

I don't have anywhere else to go!

Well, why not? What have you done?

It...it's my flat too. I've actually just been telling Asma and Carly

all about why I haven't been here in a while.

Yeah, we know all about that now.

And we think you're a prick.

Me? I'm at peace now though.

For ages I was fucking furious.

I kept having all these, like, stabbing dreams

where I just stabbed you loads.

But then I went away, and everyone I met was, like, mega fit.

So I shagged a lot of them.

Not like loads, but, like, like a good amount, like a healthy amount.

Good for you. And then I was on this beach in Phuket, right?

And Lars was inside me

and I was, like, coming, like, really fucking hard,

and then it was almost like a religious experience or something.

Thanks, babe. I just...

I figured we are all made up of the same atoms and energy and stuff,

and so there was no point in being angry any more.

So, yeah, we're all good.

But I do need to stay somewhere

and I think they'd love to finish talking about their book so...

Er...

I don't know if you ever got that email I sent?

About changing the broadband? No, not that one.

Which one then?

No, about me and...

..Fola...

..are sort of still...

..happening.

Yeah, I know, I did get that one, yeah.

They're "taking it slow", not exactly Josh's speed.

Georgia!

God, you're like Free Willy, mate.

What? You've spent so long in, like, captivity

that you don't know how to survive in the wild.

And if you're not smart, you're going to get eaten by a shark.

Oh, my God, is that what happened to Free Willy?

Oh, yeah.

Huh.

I hear you.

I should go and put things right.

I don't know if that's what I was saying?

We'll be finished in hour or two.

What's so LGBTQ+ about Prince Harry's autobiography anyway?

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

So, like, I'm in a relationship with Yas, and also Roddy,

and Yas is also kind of seeing Giovanna.

That sounds like swinging, mate.

Sounds like car keys in bowl

and then lots of little bits of pineapple.

I don't understand.

It was a '70s...

It was a '70s thing.

Oh, you were alive in the '70s?

Ha! Fuck off!

Just joking.

No, it's... No, it sounds, it sounds great, man.

Like, um, hope that you are all happy.

Always room for one more, you know.

Tell me you're not hitting on my sister.

I don't see a ring or anything.

She's literally just getting divorced.

Tiwa, don't tell people that.

What, you don't want to mess with your Little Miss Perfect image?

Little Miss Perfect? What...

Fola!

Ah... Do you know that guy?

Surprise!

Er, how did you know that I'd be here?

It's the Legion, you said you'd be here.

Although turns out there are tonnes of Legions,

but you said it casually,

so I figured you were coming to the nearest one.

Anyways, um, I couldn't go home, long story...

Well, I could, but I wanted to...

Hi!

I'm Tiwa.

I'm Fola's sister.

Er, this... This is Josh.

My neighbour Josh.

Well, my...my friend...

..Josh.

Oh.

That's me.

Friend

and neighbour.

Happy birthday! Um...

God, it looks like I've got a, a lot of catching up to do.

Can I get you a drink?

That's very kind of you, friend Josh.

What is going on?

Fucking idiot.

Can I help?

Sorry! I probably look mad.

I, I'm...I'm not mad.

Can I have a sambuca and, um, four Pilsners, please.

Thanks.

HE BURPS Oh!

Just playing catch-up.

That was delicious.

I might never want to leave if you keep feeding me like this.

We might never let you go! Oh, we definitely will

cos we need the room back for my mum at Christmas.

You'll be rid of me by Christmas, don't worry.

Over by Christmas!

Like World War I.

How's the house search coming on?

Ah, between you and me...

..I think I might be slowing that down.

Oh, we've heard this one before.

I just have to give Fola and me one more shot, I think.

It's important to know when to move on, too though, isn't it?

Yeah, maybe.

But thank you.

Seriously.

For everything.

Isn't it nice to meet nice people on the internet?

Isn't it?

Right then.

Shall we?

Sometimes I feel I've got to

Run away, I've got to...

You like what you see, don't you, Zack?

Yes, ma'am, yes, I do.

Would you like to see me make Monica come?

Yes, sir.

I would, very much.

Careful of the duvet when you get there, love.

It only arrived last week.

I will, I promise.

I've lost my light

For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

Once I ran to you

Now I'll run from you

This tainted love you've given

I give you all a girl can give you

Take my tears And that's not nearly all

Tainted love Oh-oh-oh

Tainted love

Now I know I've got to

Run away I've got to...

I don't believe you.

Yeah, well, believe what you want. I'm not blind.

There's definitely a vibe there.

Nah, we're just friendly.

Friends.

Friendly friends?

Hey!

Happy birthday!

Did you get me a drink, Josh?

Oh, yeah. Ah!

You don't really like beer, do you?

I'll go get one myself, I guess.

WHISPERS: Don't.

So, happy birthday again!

Thanks! Again.

Mine's in a couple of days.

No way! A pair of Pisces.

That's right! Pisces sun, Sagittarius rising.

Ah! A proper romantic!

So, you live across the street from Fola? Yes, yep.

Um, we actually met in Finland.

At the airport there.

And then...

Um, and then we discovered

we live across the road from one another when we got home.

Wow! Crazy.

Yeah.

Must be nice to be mates with a neighbour anyways.

Our downstairs one actively wants to murder us.

Oh, God. And I'm not even kidding.

He put a letter under our door

and it was written in either blood or shit. Jesus.

Like, it didn't stink, and blood dries brown on paper,

so probably blood.

Urgh!

Well, Fola hasn't done that to me yet.

So, you must've known Zack, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know all about Zack.

I met Zack. No way!

Oh, yeah, I...I...I know Zack very, very well.

Oh.

Well, we...we were actually...

No, um, no, no.

Shouldn't.

Oh, you definitely should.

You were shagging Josh when you were still with Zack?!

Oh, what the fuck, Josh?!

I didn't actually say anything!

No, I-I get it.

He's like a sexy Paddington.

Oh, my God, I love Paddington!

Oh!

You know what would've avoided this altogether?

If you hadn't tagged along when I specifically asked you not to!

I really didn't want to,

but Nina and Georgia were still doing their thing,

and then Esther got back. Esther's back? When?

Like two hours ago, so, I couldn't stay there.

Well, go somewhere else!

It's late! Well, places are open!

Like what? I don't know! Kebab shops! Sex shops!

Sex shops? Other pubs! There are 12 million pubs in London, Josh.

You didn't need to come to this one

when the whole point was me wanting some space.

I'm sorry. I am REALLY sorry. Oh! I just...

I messed up earlier, I just wanted to put it right.

And, and I... I'm...

I'm just really worried, that I'm used to having someone around.

Like, being in a relationship, you know? I just...

So, what? You're just replacing Esther with me?

Oh, no!

No, that is not what I meant.

That's what it sounded like.

I feel like I've made this worse. Yep, you definitely have.

I think you should go.

Are we breaking up? No, we're not breaking up, Josh!

But I don't want to move in with you and I...I can't hear myself think.

Just...

Just go home.

Hey, I, er, I didn't mean to get in the middle of anything.

Well, that didn't work, did it?

Anything you want to talk about? Nope, absolutely not.

I'm, like, really sorry about things with Zack.

No, you're not.

You never liked Zack.

No, but you did.

So, I'm sorry.

This Josh guy, he seems like a good dude.

So, what are you afraid of?

Too much history

When we say goodbye

Cross my heart and hope when I die

It's with you Baby

Only you Baby

Feeling used Baby

Believe me So am I

Fixed my broken heart So you could break it one more time

It's a broken record

We play every night

Can't get you out my head You're on my mind

Nothing hurts like love

Nothing hurts like you

Mix it with the drugs

And the Absolut

All these sleepless nights

Got me terrified

When you say you're leaving

You mean it this time

Too much history When we say goodbye

Cross my heart And hope that when I die

It's with you Baby

Only you Baby

Need you with me on the other side

Cross my heart And hope that when I die

It's with you Baby

Only you Baby...

Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God!

You are incredible!

You feel incredible!

Oh, my fucking God!

Aargh!

Nothing hurts like love

Nothing hurts like you

Mix it with the drugs

And the Absolut

All these sleepless nights

Got me terrified

When you say you're leaving

You mean it this time

Too much history when we say Goodbye, bye

Cross my heart And hope that when I die

It's with you Baby

Only you Baby

Need you with me On the other side

Cross my heart And hope that when I die

It's with you Baby

Only you Baby

Too much history Only you, baby.

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