Original subtitles

[Music]

just a minute pam catch you with your

pants down again mr barnes yeah oh i

missed again next time i'm just going to

walk right in

your father wanted me to give you these

papers on the constantine case okay

thanks and he wants you to jog on by his

office on your way out

okie dokie

use a couple laps around central park

yourself baby

hi pop wanted to see me yeah did you get

the constantine papers yeah i got him in

my office i want you to read over my

presentation to see if i missed anything

okay no problem anything in particular i

should be looking for no it's just that

i'm up against dan spears and i don't

want him to one-up me

neither do i i'll go over with a

fine-tooth comb okay and listen mother

told me to ask you any evie to join us

in the hamptons this weekend

no problem i'll talk to evie and have

her come up okay you have a good evening

i'll see you tomorrow okay

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh i'm sorry

[Music]

you're the guy in the painting

i think you got me mixed up with

somebody else no no look i got 20 20

vision i don't get mixed up too often

you're you're a friend of arlene's right

i think you get the wrong guy

wait a minute what are you doing you got

to come with me and stand next to this

painting prove to me i'm not crazy what

i mean the drugs around here haven't

been that good lately look i don't know

what you're doing but will you let go of

me come on please i just want to see if

i'm hallucinating or what let go of me

buddy

[Music]

it is you

perfect rendering

she must have made you sit for an

awfully long time who painted this

arlene bellings some dilettante from

long island thinks she can paint

where could i find her

oh i don't have any personal information

she didn't want to be besieged by the

critics

can you blame her they'd probably bomb

her place sir

oh excuse me

the official gallery opening is tomorrow

evening

i'm sure she'd love to see you look i

told you i don't know this woman i never

posed for a portrait in my life she

rented this whole place just for a month

just to show her stuff you know have a

gallery opening she said she may as well

do it before she kicks the bucket that's

my kind of woman know what i mean

oh excuse me for one moment business

yes ladies

but it's still a great deal i mean

there's two bedrooms one and a half

baths um a terrace with a view

overlooking the uh east river

kind of

it needs a lot of work mrs bonds i

realize that but within your price range

with the amount of space that you

require it just doesn't get much better

than this

but that's why if this building does go

co-op you'll at least double your value

and then maybe move up to something a

little bit nicer

in a few years

in a few years mrs barnes we may not be

around to enjoy

ted ah excuse us a minute please i'm

working you got to come with me right

now before the gallery closes okay i'll

explain it on the way i can't just leave

you

you got to come with me evie now

i'm i'm sorry this is my husband ted

hello hello look i can't explain it here

you gotta come with me

all right let me just finish here

now

if you cost me the sale mr i swear

you'll be washing dishes for a year

i'm sorry there's a slight emergency

that needs attending too please stay and

take your time

damn it we should have taken the subway

the gallery will be here tomorrow

there look

stupid painting is making you crazy look

oh my god it's you

how can it be it was painted in 1964.

and you don't know her

no

what time is he opening tomorrow night

i don't know

it's kind of spooky isn't it ah it's

perfectly normal for artists to paint

pictures of people with or without their

permission

don't be smart

mwah

well

maybe the first person ever to be

reincarnated as his former self

that's it

mystery solved

no you're cruising for a bruiser

you talk dirty to me i like it like that

what do you mean

wait a minute you started this

i love you so much

[Laughter]

[Music]

i think she's brilliant genius the

colors are so uh so

vivid very

vivid yes

it sucks

[Music]

arlene

darling

it's so wonderful to see you yes uh

betsy betsy has you look divine darling

is that a new dude

dude

oh my hair yes it's a few shades darker

dead mouse i love it now how many of

these are you going to buy you know no

garage should be without one i don't

think very much for a composition what

composition

i swear that was you

i wonder if she's here yet

i don't know

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

oh i see you finally met arlene this is

the young man i was telling you about

arlene

arlene darling

oh waiter bring me martini quick

and make it a double how do you do mrs

billings

joe

ted

this is my wife evie it's nice to meet

you

drink

excuse me she can talk oh hush i'm

arlene we've already been through that

arlene belling's the creator of these

masterpieces so you did copy the

portrait from a picture

mystery solved well no

look

let's go somewhere where we can talk but

you just can't leave you're fans fans

this is the free champagne and caviar

circuit you could have held this opening

on the bowery they would have all

attended

well maybe not

oh

mrs bellings i don't drink single

martinis to let alone doubles

you're going to need this one drink up

and please call me eileen a toast

to the great mystery

do you believe in fate

as a matter of fact i don't i'm an

attorney you may call it fate i call it

coincidence well what do you call it

when two people out of the millions of

people in new york city out of the

thousands of places that they could be

would two people meet at a particular

point in time at an event that could

change their lives forever now what do

you call that

no i'm sorry we're not doing the times

crossword

the portrait back at the gallery the

portrait of the young man

i painted that of my husband joe

he disappeared in 1964

with our baby

that baby was you

the devil's too strong

obviously not for you how many have you

had a few um a few too many i think

don't look i know it's hard to believe

but

you were born july 10 1964.

you've got a birthmark like a little

happy face on the outside of your right

knee

right

jack and wanda barnes are my mother and

father

mrs billings what is your game arlene

please whatever i mean anybody can find

out about birthdays birthmarks what is

it exactly that you want money

i have all the money i want i'm trying

to tell you

i'm your mother

look

i don't know who you are or what you

want but i do know one thing you are not

my mother and if you persist in using my

photos to paint your portraits i'll sue

you for everything you have including

the kitchen sink you got that

let's go

who wants what from the house

i'll take a beer

nothing here i'll go with you

mom evie and i met this woman the other

night

[Music]

are you my real mother

oh god

[Music]

i'm dreaded this moment what

jedi

i knew this moment would come

i feared it every day

you're grown married

your father and i discussed telling you

dozens of times but

you grew up so fast

it became harder and harder to tell you

am i adopted

no

i stole you

after your father and i were married i

found out i couldn't conceive

oh god jack wanted a baby so bad

a son an heir when i told him that i

couldn't have children he

he blamed me

oh god i was so frightened

jack had just been discharged from the

air force and we just moved to new york

i was frightened of the city frightened

he was going to leave me here i was

a bumpkin from the sticks

i mean there were hundreds

thousands of new york girls more

sophisticated more beautiful girls who

could give him a son

we went to a few adoption agencies so he

filled out dozens and dozens of forms

but nothing ever came of it

jack wasn't making enough money

so i went out to work to earn a little

extra cash so that maybe

i got a job as a waitress in a greasy

diner

can you imagine

[Music]

i didn't know how to do anything else

not even have a baby

and one day i met this man

he asked me what i was doing in a place

like that so i told him

first time i told anyone

i just came out gushing

he said maybe he could help me that he

had a baby a boy that his clients were

thinking of giving up

he said

[Music]

this man he

he wasn't dirty or sleazy

real handsome like you

well dressed polite

he said maybe we could make an

arrangement

an adoption possibly for money

i told him that my husband and i hardly

made enough to make ends meet

he said maybe we could work something

out

i didn't know what he meant by that

so i went to his hotel room

oh he had the cutest little baby there

i knew immediately that i wanted you

he said

[Music]

i never even knew his name

[Music]

he said i'd be the first on his list to

fight

if i'd make love to him

i was shocked

i was married

i ran out of the room

but god i couldn't stop thinking about

you so i came back the next day to visit

you

the man kept making promises he said if

only i would make him happy that baby

would be mine

just went on for two weeks

and then he wasn't so nice

being

[Music]

and all the while satisfied slept so

quietly

[Music]

but by then i wanted you so bad that i

would have done anything to get you

i didn't tell your father

i was so ashamed

[Music]

the next day i went back

but he wasn't there

just

you all alone

[Music]

so cute

[Music]

i waited and i played with you

you liked me

i could tell

and then i waited

and waited and it kept getting later and

later

and i had to get home to your father

but i just couldn't leave you there

how could i

[Music]

so i took you home with me

the next day i went back

and he still wasn't there and then the

next day and the day after that

it just disappeared

[Music]

so suddenly

[Music]

i had this baby

my baby

i stole you

i told you father the whole story

and that's when i knew how much jack

loved me

[Music]

[Music]

we are hungry

we decided we were lobsters

[Music]

what is it water

oh jack

hello

yes could you hold on a minute please

hello mother

[Music]

sounds like the exhaust pipe came loose

again

i thought they fixed it permanently last

time you took it in

obviously not

well do you think we can pull over and

fix it that clanging is gonna drive me

crazy

i don't know anything about exhaust

pipes do you

no

just roll your window up and we'll turn

up the music and you won't hear it

[Applause]

[Music]

boy i forgot long island was so

beautiful

yeah it's kind of romantic

i feel like making love in front of a

roaring fireplace brandy snifters

swirling with me enough already i'm

going to visit your mother not take a

second honeymoon

so i guess you're feeling better about

all this huh

i don't think it's finally sinking in i

mean i'm still nervous what am i gonna

say to her just follow her lead uh she

wants to talk about jack and wanda go

with it otherwise talk about whatever

she wants to talk about

but she's probably nervous too you know

yeah you're right

you're always right

i know

[Music]

we're there in a hurry

this looks like some party

holy [ __ ]

this is her house

[Music]

should we get the bags

no let's get them later

wow

here we go

wow

yeah i'll see

[Applause]

[Music]

you've got to be here

you look just like a picture

mrs ballet

he's here

come here

come in how fruit of me to leave the

guest of honor standing in the doorway

i told mrs billy that i didn't believe

her but here you are in the flesh it's

amazing that you saw that question

guest of honor yes this party is for ted

a welcome home celebration

it's amazing how much you look like him

i never met him being only 21 and now

but it's as if i knew him the way he

missed his bellies because i'm joe

oh i'm sorry i'm being dead

you'll have to excuse me i just can't

get over the lightness but that's what i

was saying mrs spellings i was just

telling him it's as if i already know

the way you're always going

oh i'm so glad you all could come come

on in i want you to meet everybody

[Applause]

everyone please listen

here he is this is my long-lost son

this is the happiest day of my life

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

that's what everyone calls me arlie

what are you doing i'm an attorney oh

your father would have been so proud my

wife's in real estate isn't that nice

look

oh yes i had a chip back in for the

party i thought it would be appropriate

oh it is a lovely quarter why thank you

i'm glad you agree if you'll excuse me

for a moment i want to check on the hors

d'oeuvres or can i give anyone oh no

thank you dear you just stay here and

enjoy my little party

and i want to book a

dance got it thank you

who's nice here oh there you are here

try one of these they're my specialty

all right

oh you should try one of these that's

great

oh

[ __ ] i'll pardon my fridge crystal

crystal

oh clean these up please dear i'll get

another tray what a mess your help thing

i spent all afternoon making these you

know you gotta cook the bacon real crisp

this is belly cookies the only way they

taste right and then you gotta put these

down how long have you been working here

oh

about

three years right after i graduated high

school you know i really wanted to go to

dental technician school but i couldn't

pass the exam to qualify you know i must

have taken that exam

about

well at least six times and then finally

they said to me crystal well maybe you

just weren't cut out to be in the dental

technician field you know and i laughed

and i said well you know two rewards

were never spoken and that was what i

saw to add for this job at the back joe

joe

uh no i'm i'm ted

ah the long lost son your dad and i were

in the navy together enlisted the same

day really yeah we had a girl in every

foot you know joe had two sometimes

three

always went after those rich games

we had some swell times him and me

you in the navy uh no uh-oh

do you uh you're here for my dad hear

from him he's been dead 25 six years

dead yeah arlene's father blew his

brains out

you didn't know they said it was awful

he only married her for her money and

then he took the baby they had and he

used it to last a little lady kind of

needed to be shut up this is my story

now as i was saying i guess the pressure

of living with arlene and her father

were too much for him so he took the

child and went to new york there was

something about blackmail but i'm sure

it was all in good fun

joe always had fun

he was sort of the king of fun you know

and boy he loved women a hotel clerk

found a body he called mrs bellings and

she came right over went right into

shock and stayed that way for weeks

whatever happened to the murder the old

man he was so rich he put up the judge

case was dropped

buried and she's never really gotten

over it gotta know what joe's demise

we were disgusting not too much to drink

jasper go get some coffee crystal

yes mrs girls

here try one of these

they're delicious right dear

thank you

thank you

good night ted good night

take care of arlene she's so happy to

have you back i certainly will thank you

good night now is there anything i can

get for you

uh no thanks crystal

you know you really are as handsome as

that picture it's no wonder mrs

spellings feels the way she does

thank you

she hasn't put together such a spread

for a long time at least not since i've

been here this is for you

crystal thank you

set up the dance on nightcap please yes

mrs excuse the good brandy

you know she really is a sweet girl

who's sweet for her own good

oh twinkie there you are

oh she's pretty he

he runs the place

those were your fathers

he certainly was decorated

hi

hi honey how you feeling

i'm fine now i was just feeling really

nauseous for a while oh well let's sit

down

maybe a little brandy would help calm

your stomach

i don't know i think that's what made me

feel sick in the first place i don't

think it was the brandy i think it was

something you ate

it'll help you sleep

you think

thank you

here's to one hell of a great mom a wild

drink to

that how pretty

oh how beautiful

hi

what's his name twinkie

he's the real boss of the place

hey he likes you

i gather jasper told you about your

father's death

sort of

jasper and crystal were weaving some

sort of story about blackmail and murder

when we first met i told you your father

had disappeared i lied

oh my god what was i going to say hi i'm

your mother your dad was murdered by my

father you'd have really freaked

i'm really sorry about that night

oh don't be

my father hated joe right from the start

joe jenkins

daddy said you could tell by the name

how common he was

and insisted that i continue using my

maiden name even after joe and i were

married

couldn't have a daughter of his name

jenkins oh no

but joe didn't care he just laughed

of course joe didn't care much about

anything

you see daddy was firmly convinced

that joe was just a bum he was only

after my money

which was true of course

but i didn't care

i loved him

i loved him more than i had ever loved

anything

probably find it hard to believe but joe

brought the first true happiness i had

ever known into my life

it made me feel

alive

like a real person

instead of daddy's perfect little

wind-up doll

and he loved me too

i know he did

when i got pregnant he was so thrilled

[Music]

but

nine months of sexual abstinence was

simply not in joe's nature

now

that's the way joe wanted everything

right now

so he began going into town more and

more frequently on business trips

business

joe wouldn't have known a financial

report if it didn't

[Music]

of course daddy had him followed

and then delighted in relating to me

every lure in detail of detectives

reports

it hadn't been for daddy spying i know

joe and i could have worked it out

it hurt oh god it hurt he knew it hurt

with all the pressure

the joke changed

after you were born

he wanted a divorce

and a settlement of a million dollars

so that he could continue to live in the

style to which he'd become accustomed

naturally daddy had him thrown out of

the house

my father could easily have spared the

million dollars but he wasn't about to

let some [ __ ] take him for a ride not

my father

[Music]

so they arranged to meet in a motel not

far from here

but it was a setup from both sides

joe didn't bring you

my father didn't bring any money

just a gun

he shot joe

in a struggle he said but what

difference did it make

joe was dead

and you were nowhere to be found

they say that time heals

but the hurt in me just got bigger and

bigger

till i thought i'd die from the pain

[Music]

even after all these years

it still hurts

right in here

[Music]

[Music]

so

so

[Music]

just like i always knew he would and you

will never be able to keep us apart

again

joe and i will have everything

and you can rot in hell

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

crystal you scared the hell out of me

i bet you followed mrs spellings to the

graveyard

well yeah

no problem

i won't tell i followed her there once

myself i think it's positively creepy

bearing your relatives on your own

property i mean that's what cemeteries

are for don't you think

as a matter of fact i do

when did her father die oh

he died years ago they say he died of a

broken heart somebody once told me that

after her husband was killed mrs

billings never spoke to her father again

wouldn't go see him wouldn't even go to

his funeral when he died

what a fight

thanks

i'll see you in the morning well wait

after mrs spellings goes to bed maybe we

could sit and talk

i mean

i may be working for you someday

we should get to know each other a

little better

don't you think

i'm tired i'll see you in the morning

good night joe

gotcha goodnight

goodnight crystal

chicken

[Applause]

oh you poor pumpkin is it that same

nausea you felt last night yes

sure sounds like food poisoning but we

all ate the same things i'm sorry about

this

oh sorry

now don't you be ridiculous

you know what why don't i get you an

alpha salsa maybe that'll make you feel

better till whatever this is passes do

you think you could eat some breakfast

no thank you

well one alka-seltzer coming up

i'm sorry to be such a father

stop it i'm not a bother you'll be up

and on your feet by this afternoon

you will

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

that used to breed horses

never raced him just breath

it's a little hard isn't it

he was pretty eccentric made millions in

railroads and steel but then he retired

early when mother died

did she die

brain tumor i guess it was some kind of

cancer only they didn't call it that

back then

i'm sorry oh no need to be i never even

knew her she died before i was two

[Music]

this was always joe's favorite spot

he could see the whole world spread out

before he was the way he put it let's

take an army of gardeners to take care

of all these grounds

two full time two part-time

i gave him the week off so you wouldn't

have to listen to all those damn lawn

moves

oh it's so exciting having you here back

in my life

here

what's this

open it

i want you to have it

the father was particularly proud of

that one

this is a purple heart

was wounded

his legs

[Music]

did i say something wrong

you could never say anything

wrong oh you know what there's a benefit

at the hospital tonight

raising funds for yet another new wing

and as usual

i am chairman of the new wing committee

would you be my date

i'd love to be your date and evie's

oh well of course

it's black tie

i'm afraid we didn't bring any formal

attire

you're going and you're going to be the

best dressed man there

henry's coming over to finish my outfit

this afternoon i'll have him bring some

extra tuxedos and fit you

we'll bring something for evie as well

well sure hey we better get back so i

can call him before he leaves the shop

oh you know ted

someday son

someday all this will be yours

[Applause]

[Music]

holy [ __ ]

uh crystal

please hold the seam straight

can you have it ready by this evening oh

i'll personally take care of it and

deliver it and i'll send one of the

girls by

crystal

what mr barnes

thank you

that would be all yes this is fine

you look stunning now where's my last

customer who

if he's in a room

i'll get out of these and i'll show you

the way

well her temperature is normal

it may be normal but my stomach isn't

i just feel really weak

my cramps

hold on

we'll go away take a deep breath

you guys are just gonna have to go

without me no way i'm staying right here

with you

arlene can go without me she doesn't

need me you should probably better off

anyway oh no don't be ridiculous i'll be

fine i'm a crystal's here

i just want to stay and relax

are you sure

i'm sure

i'll get going

i love you love you too knock him dead

we'll try

arlene's darling

[Music]

arlene

she's probably just overcompensating for

losing you once before

let alone her husband

but i'm not going anywhere

it'll take time for her to see that

just be patient with her

i mean i'd cling to you too if i thought

you were gonna leave

you would huh

yes i would

now turn out the light i'm tired

i hope you feel better

i'm right here if you need

i me you i love you too

[Music]

[Music]

no i feel worse today

i want to see a doctor the cramps are

killing me

okay look i'm gonna go get arlene and

see if she can get a hold of one okay

sit tight

i'll be right back

[Music]

no she didn't say where she was go

well that's not like her we always go to

church together i know and i mentioned

that but she just got all dressed up and

left

you will have a cause when she gets back

oh immediately

i just can't understand what's gotten

into her oh it's

she's at that age

well thank you very much mrs billings

we're sorry to have bothered you not at

all and i understand your concern but i

really wouldn't worry i'm sure she's

just out with some of her girlfriends

you have a nice sunday mrs williams oh

thank you youtube

bye now

is something wrong

no josh crystal after all tricks

that was her parents they usually come

by on sundays and pick her up to take

her to church

we've got to get a doctor he is really

sick oh dear i'll call dr phillips right

away

he can usually get here within a half

hour great

hello this is dr pope's exchange

yes have you fought are you feelings

immediately yes i have an emergency

looks like good old-fashioned food

poisoning to me

all the symptoms but we all had the same

thing to eat that first night any

shellfish

well there were clams in your dirt you

made weren't darling well only a few

well one clan will do it will i be able

to travel today

you really got to get back to the city

oh it's up to you it isn't serious it's

just a little uncomfortable until it

passes through your system

i'll probably be okay i think my own bed

would do me good no offense arlene

i understand

so that's it that's it

i feel like a princess

let's not get carried away huh

now here's another comforter to put over

you oh but we've already borrowed half

your linen closet oh don't you worry

about it i want you to be comfortable

i really appreciate everything i promise

i'll be fit as a fiddle next time you

see me just take good care of yourself

i'm really looking forward to seeing you

again

both of you

bye-bye

[Music]

please come back soon

i will as soon as we're invited

you're fighting forever

thanks mother

you know you really gotta meet jack and

wanda they're great people you really

like them

you just get yourself back here as soon

as possible okay

i will

[Music]

bye

[Music]

so how do you feel about everything

what well what do you think about it all

well it's pretty amazing it's like a

dream come true

i still can't believe it myself do you

realize she's leaving me her entire

estate stocks money everything

you didn't tell me that

well i'm telling you now

you know she's wonderful she's a little

strange but wonderful you know i think

she's a little jealous of me i think

that's all in your mind

she likes you i know she does

how do you know it

how do i know

[Music]

[Music]

uh

[Music]

[Music]

she'd been beaten severely

probably dead for 12-14 hours you didn't

kill her

what's a relief but who did

we don't know

i'm gonna have to ask you a few more

questions so i hope you're not in too

much of a rush to hurry somewhere else

well we did kind of want to get back to

the city nonsense you're not going to

travel now not after all this

maybe she's right honey i'm awfully

tired

you come on in with me i'm going to tuck

you in

it's okay

to notify our parents

yes they're going to

meet the ambulance to identify the body

officially and fill out the necessary

papers that kind of thing

if there's anything i can do

thanks i'll uh be in contact

[Music]

uh

arlene put this together for you she's

so sweet

look we're going back to the city

tomorrow have our doctor take a look at

you i think you need a little more than

alka alka-seltzer

so why

try and put something in your stomach

i will but no promises

look i'm gonna go check on arlene i

think allu says her pretty upset

you call me if you need me

okay

don't forget to call your dad i won't

[Music]

arlene

arlene

[Music]

[Music]

arlene

[Music]

joe

there you are

would you like some wine

[Music]

[Music]

stop it

i need to use your phone not

now

[Music]

if you want it you can have it

[Music]

i'll turn up the music a little please

joe

mother i'm ted

please

okay

talk to me

all right joe whatever you say

[Music]

all right mother you promised to sit and

talk to us

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

twinkie

what's the matter with you

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

twinkies

[Music]

dad

[Music]

dad

[Music]

[Music]

uh

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

um

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

uh

[Music]

now

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

baby

ah

[Music]

uh

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

uh

okay

what the hell

i'm looking forward to meeting you early

mr bonds arlene

on the phone

oh yes i hope you don't mind my boring

for a few days

good gonna be pleased please try okay

it's been nice talking to you too bye

bye

good morning darling sleep well what is

this well breakfast silly can't you see

why am i tied

here open wide come on early oh joe

don't be like that now i spent all

morning fixing your favorite breakfast

take a

bite you're such a picky eater joe

now here

i'm eat to have to punish you for that

child

no more food for a week how's that

mother please

oh joe i'm so glad you're back

dr don't

you've got to untie me

things are going to be so wonderful

i won't disappoint you this time joe i

promise from the bottom of my heart

please i i won't say anything

just untie me

let me see evie

well i've got a million things to do

now you just relax sweetheart

i i had a dream

i had

i had a dream

you killed evie

you killed evie

you killed my wife

i love you

evie

[Music]

happy

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

help

me somebody

there that's better

now i'll loosen it later if you're good

this'll be good

well i have some planting to do

so you just relax

i'll be back later with dinner

hmm

[Music]

um

you've wet the bed

how disgusting

oh

jill

why did you do that joe you killed me

you killed my wife don't yell at me why

the [ __ ] are you doing it to me

now i have to punish you for wetting the

bed and for your obscene language

hmm

no more water that's it

no more food

and no more water and as for this easy

person you're always talking about

i simply don't know who you have in mind

eve is such a common name i mean i just

don't associate with people like that

and i do wish that your incessant desire

to copulate with such trash could be

changed into

desire for me

[Music]

well if you promise not to be obscene

already

now what are you trying to say

i'm truly sorry for all the pain i've

put you through our lane

i'll be faithful forever

i truly desire only

your beautiful lips

pressed against mine

the smell of your perfume drifting

through the air

intoxicating my senses

if only

if only we could

touch again

make love

if i could touch your face

your hair

your lips

your breasts

untie me arlene so i can touch you shut

up

[Laughter]

did you really think i was going to fall

for that you were always such a good

talker let me be the first to tell you

i've not lost your gift for gab

i have a little surprise for you but not

until tomorrow

no i know how you'd love to savor your

surprises joe

so for now

don't be like that joe everything's

going to be all right let's see

[Applause]

sleep well my darling

so they decided to take in the

countryside while they were here an

overnight trip to do some

i understand

[Music]

well that's understandable it must be so

hard for them she was such a sweet girl

ugh

yes yes i was just thinking of crystal

[Music]

i really feel like i should go in and

lie down tell you what um i'll have i'll

have to call you just the minute he gets

back okay

thanks

drive safely now

so

[Applause]

[Music]

happy

[Music]

uh

[Music]

uh

hey

let me out here time you [ __ ] pitch

before

[Music]

you've nearly caused me great pain again

joe

now we don't want the rest of the world

knowing about your return

it's none of their business

this love

is between you and me

don't understand that

i don't want to share you anyone else

i don't share you with anyone else do

you understand that joe

i don't want to share it

i won't share it not with anyone

oh

jojo

this

little piggy

went to my skit

he

stayed

this

is

[Applause]

hush

surprise darling what do you think

am i too mature to wear white on our

wedding day

oh

well

how about pink what do you think

oh

priority's darling now friday will be

upon us before we know it i must be

ready

yellow

yellow i love yellow it always reminds

me of sunshine beautiful days in the

countryside with my darling joe

oh

you must help me decide

now which one is your favorite

shall i wear it up

or down

what do you think

joe i need your help i can't make all

these decisions by myself

after all darling it's our wedding i

want to look the way you think i'll be

most beautiful

maybe to the side of course all the

people who are at your welcoming home

party are invited and then i've invited

some of the town people you met at the

hospital benefit not all of the young

girls of course i know how you are

around young girls joe

and those lovely people who raised you i

want to invite them of course and then

should i invite crystal's parents i

wonder they're not in our set of course

of course the caterers are the best in

the state and everything will be

important the champagne the caviar the

salmon moves the pates the meats

i haven't decided quite where to put the

altar yet but i think

i think right in front of the house yes

and oh joe

let's go to europe on our second

honeymoon it's been years since i've

seen paris

who could that be

who could that be

yes

uh are you arlene bellings

yes what can i do for you oh i'm jack

barnes and this is my wife wanda we

spoke to you on monday oh

yes oh well it's such a pleasure to

finally meet both of you how are you

we're sorry to barge in like this but we

kept calling and there wasn't any answer

all right ted and evie about

we haven't heard from them

it's not like ted not to call we're

getting worried oh well you shouldn't

worry they left early this morning to do

some antiquing and teaching yes they

said they were going to uh visit some of

the local inns while they were here

that's crystal of my cleaning girl when

she moves the furniture to vacuum she

just bumps it down that can be so hard

on the furniture

this is very embarrassing but i'll have

to ask you to excuse me you see i have

so much to do to plan for the wedding

i'm getting married now

that's

wonderful yes i was planning to call and

invite you if you could be here friday

we're having a wedding right here well

i'm not sure

crystal

stop family emily well i guess we've got

to go

well it's it's so nice meeting both of

you

please have them call us as soon as they

get back oh i certainly will bye

all right

they're

dance

i

am

we cannot go on like this

you have got to cooperate with me

because

if you don't

i will get daddy's 22 and i will blow

your brains out

just like i did before

i'll do it joe

i'll shoot you before

i'll never clean up all this scrum

[Laughter]

[Music]

no kisses until we're married

[Laughter]

now

i have to prepare dinner

dinner for two

[Music]

antique

[ __ ]

those two wouldn't know an antique from

a piece of junk

what now

returning back we're gonna find them

what at this hour you're right

we'll find a place in talmud in the

morning

[Music]

to our happiness

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

um

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

look at me

look at me joe

[Music]

[Music]

joe

joe

i've waited so long for you

[Music]

sweetheart

sweet job

[Music]

it's

[Music]

much

[Music]

waited so

long

[Music]

ugh

[Music]

now

[Music]

joe

you're awake

oh you're so wonderful joe

they love you so much

i love you

do you love me

all right

i love you arlene

oh joe

i know you did i knew you loved me

tell me again

um

i can touch you

um

[Music]

uh

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

ugh

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Music]

maybe they've gone out

maybe

oh

[Music]

i think i'll try another door

[Music]

okay

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

ah

[Music]

[Music]

let me try

it's locked silly well i could have

sworn

all right let's try it

[Music]

oh we're in luck

[Music]

turn the other window

what they call this breaking and

entering jack

all right it's back

what a room

oh my it's grand

let's go

stay

[Music]

someone has to show up but we could wait

around all day we'll come back

come on

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

no

[Music]

[Music]

uh

[Music]

hmm

yes

uh

[Music]

look at this the wedding is going to be

out here we didn't come here for that we

can't see odd son sir sir

i'm sorry no one's allowed in the house

sorry stay here we'll see them later

something's not right here i'll be back

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

hmm

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

mom harley how many times do i have to

tell you sweetheart what's going on here

me

[Music]

happened

[Music]

wow

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

aah

[Music]

me

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

what's going on

[Music]

hey

[Music]

run

run

[Applause]

so

[Music]

so

[Music]

uh

[Applause]

[Music]

everything's going to be all right

i'm here

[Music]

okay it's okay

[Music]

easy

[Music]

stay

it's gonna be all right

jack

the jack pitchers

you missed

[Applause]

ah

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

joe

[Music]

you

just

[Music]

now

[Music]

[Music]

jack

oh my god

mom

dad

[Music]

so

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

you can begin

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

amy

ah

[Music]

okay

[Music]

do

[Music]

do

[Music]

foreign