Original subtitles

[waves gushing]

[slow music playing]

[seawater rippling]

[metal clanking]

- [ragpicker in Hindi] Sahab… - [ragpicker's loot clattering]

[waves oozing]

[music continues]

[inhales, exhales deeply]

[waves rippling]

[man grunts softly]

[water gushes]

[inhales deeply]

[woman, frantically] Vijay ji! Vijay ji!

Vijay ji!

[sighs softly]

[music continues]

[waves gushing]

[inhales deeply]

- [grunts loudly] - [body crashing in water]

[church choir in English] ♪ The Lord ♪

♪ Is my shepherd ♪

[sniffling]

♪ There is nothing… ♪

- [sobbing] - [whispers] It's okay.

[sobbing]

I just thought he's out for a walk. [whimpers]

- I called out to him from the taxi. - Hmm.

But I guess he didn't hear me. [sniffles]

If I had known he was planning to take his own life,

- I would have then… [sniffles] - [hesitates] Oh… [grunts]

- [blows noisily] - [groans]

[woman continues blowing]

[sniffles]

They couldn't find Vijay uncle's body.

I'm sure he'll come back as a ghost.

If there was no body, then how did they find out?

Arey, Bakshi aunty saw him standing alone by the seaside.

Then those boys there saw him jump.

Mamma said they acted like real gentlemen by informing us.

[choir song ends]

[priest] Please be seated.

- [thuds] - [grunting]

- Sit. - [whimpering softly]

- Mr. Bathena? - [nervously] Yes?

- [priest] Please. - Oh, yes.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry, so sorry.

Yes.

First of all, my heartfelt condolences to the family.

Deeksha, Akhil and Abhishek.

- It's Abhimanyu, uncle, not Abhishek. - Shh.

Sorry, deekra. Abhimanyu.

Vijay and I met 30 years ago.

He had brought his wife to my cancer care center.

Anna stayed in my hospital for seven years.

And Vijay and I became best of friends.

- Hm. - [quirky music playing]

[exhales]

So many memories.

I don't even know where to begin.

For example,

we used to play a lot of rummy together.

Score was 126 all.

Actually, I think I was leading 126 to 125.

But how do I argue with someone who's dead? Cheater!

[Bathena chuckles awkwardly]

And Vijay wasn't just a good rummy player.

He was also the champion dancer of the colony.

He won the Garba Night trophy three times.

But yeah, one result was a bit controversial.

[chuckles] Because Mrs. Bakshi was the judge.

He was your favorite, right?

Favoritism! [laughing]

[hesitates nervously]

[clears throat]

Father, please wait, I'm checking whether I've missed anything.

Oh yes, yes, here it is.

[clears throat]

[inhales deeply]

Vijay is not dead. [voice echoes]

Vijay will never die!

[birds fluttering away]

What the hell?

- [all gasping] - [fast-paced music playing]

- [people muttering] - Papa!

- [Akhil] Nanu! - Vijay!

- Oi! - [all muttering indistinctly]

What's all this?

- [boy 1 screams] I told you, ghost! - [boy 2] Come on! Run!

What's my photo doing there?

[boy 1] Teacher had said ghosts don't exist!

[both gasping] Vijay!

[wails]

- [music fades] - [church bell rings]

[birds chirping]

Wat up, guys? Welcome back to Shock-a-locka Baby.

Your daily dose of shocking stories!

Yeah, well, I'm very excited today.

Because last week I showed you two frogs getting married, right?

But today, we have Vijay Mathew, who turned up in church at his own funeral

and behind this door lives second-chance Vijay,

who I'm sure is just happy to be alive, bro.

Ready?

- Boom! - [feet scrambling on gravel]

[suspenseful music playing]

[quirky music playing]

- Chutiye! - Papa!

Sorry.

You two-faced hypocrite!

Trying to be a big frog in a small pond!

Why would I commit suicide? Tell me!

Just because I didn't come home, you had the whole colony in an uproar.

You organized a prayer meeting and even ordered this coffin for me.

Hey, don't you put all this back on us!

- Where were you all night? Tell me. - I, uh--

The police were looking for your body till six in the morning!

- I went for a walk, yaar. - Without your cell phone?

I, uh, I left it here to charge.

- I forgot, beta. - Don't 'beta' me!

I'll buy you a strap to hang your phone around your neck.

- Then you'll never forget-- - Mrs. Bakshi, please.

[Deeksha] What "please"?

Why were you doing this-this standing on the sea wall?

- Huh? She saw you. - [scoffs] That's my diving pose, beta.

Whenever I see water, my inner swimmer comes alive.

- Look at that photo. - Huh?

[pensive music playing]

[murmurs agreement]

It's ridiculous!

But that is not the point.

Point is that without finding my body, how could you organize a coffin for me?

- How could you do it? - Why did you not come home last night?

That is also the point.

Arey, I was just having a few drinks with Kishore in your hospital.

Kishore got drunk and passed out.

So then I went to the room behind the dormitory and I slept off.

So if you were knocked out over there,

who did those neighborhood boys see jumping into the water?

They said he was very old, with holes in his clothes, very dirty man.

- You’re the dirty old man, idiot! - Papa!

One minute, one minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was a ragpicker.

His clothes were old, all torn up. He must have jumped.

- Yeah! - Correct! That solves it, huh?

I'm telling you, let's celebrate, let's party!

Hey, did they find the poor beggar's body?

- Arey, you dumbass, what are-- - Arey, Papa!

Come on, Akhil.

- So nice to see you again, Abhishek. - It is Abhimanyu!

- Oh sorry. - Beta, one minute, one minute.

- At least have some chai. - Order some samosas too. Yeah?

Stop acting like everything is normal, Papa!

But why are you getting angry?

I should be angry

that before I'm even dead, you're sitting in church next to my coffin.

Don't act over smart.

Ever since we lost Mamma, you've become really careless.

- You're still reeking of beer, you know? - Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I promise you from now on, I won’t drink anymore. Happy now?

- [sarcastically] Really? - Yes. Come on, smile.

Grow up!

- Beta, just listen to me! - She's right.

But welcome back.

Thank you, beta. Thank you, thank you.

- Hello, beta. - I love you, Nanu.

- Sorry, beta. - [Deeksha] Akhil!

- Yeah. - Viju, I'm so happy that you're not dead.

Hey, what are you doing, Bakshi ji? I'm not… please, thank you.

Vijay, I'm leaving too. I'm really exhausted.

- Don't you dare do this again. - Yeah, yeah.

- Next time, I'll wait for you to die. - Very funny.

- What are these papers in your hand? - Nothing, nothing.

- Show me. - I'll tell you some other time.

- They're personal notes. - Show me, yaar!

[sheets rustling roughly]

Sit down.

- Just sit down! - [quirky music playing]

[Vijay] "Vijay's eulogy."

[quirky music continues]

[music fades]

Aren't you gonna say something?

You slimy, back-stabbing snake in the grass!

Actually, better if you keep quiet.

Rummy player? Garba dancer?

Debate champion in the 10th grade?

Bloody, I died and this is what you chose to write about me?

- But you didn't actually die, did you? - You didn't know that, right?

- Arey, but-- - Now wait till you die.

Then see what speech I give about you at your funeral.

Bloody failed compounder,

- horny ward boy, - [groans]

that old sweeper at the hospital!

- Where are you going? - You may not think you're an old man,

but my bladder reminds me every single day that I am.

- Tinkle time for me now. - Your little tinkle can wait. Sit down.

Damn it, we've been friends for so long now,

and you really know nothing at all about my life?

Nothing about my achievements, huh?

So sorry, yaar.

Okay, for future reference, tell me what I should say about you.

- So many things. - For example?

- For example? - Yeah.

I was a bronze medalist in the national swimming championship.

Year?

- 1976… six, yes. - Oh! Congratulations.

Uh, and?

[clears throat] And, uh…

And Anna always said that if I continued with my swimming,

I would be good enough to qualify for the Asian Games.

A swimmer with potential? Wow!

- Yes! - [Bathena] Fantastic!

Anything else? More. More.

- And, uh… - [lively music playing]

And I'm so angry right now that I'm blank.

- [Vijay exhales] - [music stops abruptly]

[breathing heavily]

[slow, pensive music playing]

Vijay, all those things we dreamt of becoming,

and look what we have become.

Everyone's in the same boat.

- I'm happy you're alive. Yes. - [Vijay sniffles] Hmm.

[Vijay sniffles, exhales]

- Hmm. - See you. Bye.

You rest, rest, rest, rest.

[music continues]

- [footsteps receding] - [door opens]

[music continues]

[eulogy sheets rustle]

[exhales, grunts softly]

[pensive music continues]

[water splashing]

Akhil, you have to open your mouth at the right time.

Come on, focus. Like this.

Watch it, watch this.

- Wow! - Woah!

Your cake, sir.

- [Deeksha] Lovely! - [Abhimanyu] Looks good! Doesn't it?

Papa, we're cutting the cake.

- I'm teaching him now. Akhil! - You can train him later.

- Come on. Come. - Okay, coming.

[all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- [everyone continues singing] - Happy birthday, Mamma!

- Happy, happy birthday. - Thank you! Hmm.

- [Vijay] Happy birthday, beta. - [Deeksha] Thank you, Papa.

Bless you.

- Bless you. - Hmm.

[Deeksha chuckles softly]

- Alright, I'll see you, okay? - No, it's my birthday. You can't leave.

Meet my friends. This is Jaag, this is Sunny.

Jaag! [snaps finger] Like the car.

Good to meet you, uncle.

[chuckles] Jaguar. They moved into our building three months ago.

- From the US. - Yeah.

- I see. - Jaag is a motivational speaker.

- And he runs a company called, uh… - Ja-Su-It!

- Sorry? - Ja-Su-It?

- Jaag and Sunny. - [murmurs] Hmm.

Thirty-nine centers in 21 countries. Cool? [clicks tongue]

Ah! Ja… Okay, okay. Ja-Su-It.

- Uh, so, what do you do? - Yeah.

Me? I'm just retired.

And before that?

Oh, I wa… I was a swimming coach.

[Jaag] Oh, nice.

Oh, like nationals?

- No, no, no, no, no. [chuckles awkwardly] - State?

Um…

Um, in this club, actually.

It was more like a hobby.

[Jaag] Okay.

This is where Abhimanyu and I first met.

- Oh-ho-ho-ho! - So cute!

Teaching children to swim in a club pool.

- Noble. Noble. - [chuckles]

But what was your main job all these years?

My main job was coaching, and…

it was my hobby, too.

Actually, Dad's been extremely passionate about swimming. Right, Dad?

Whatever you do, do it well.

Age is just a number, bro.

Push, pump, hustle, kill!

- [Sunny] Easy, baby! - [melancholic music playing]

[Akhil] Nanu was a bronze medal champion!

- [Jaag] Ah, cool! - [Sunny] Wow!

- [Jaag] Cheers! - [Sunny] Cheers!

[Vijay] I-I'll leave now, beta.

[Akhil chuckles softly]

Bye, Papa.

- [Abhimanyu] See you, Dad. - [Akhil] Bye, Nanu.

[in Hindi] GOOD RUMMY PLAYER

RETURNED RS 5000

- [melancholic music continues] - [inhales]

[pen scribbling on paper]

[pensive music playing]

[music intensifies]

[music crescendos]

[PC button clicks]

[monitor button clicks]

[Vijay in English] Great things

- done by… - [keys clacking]

old people.

[murmurs indistinctly]

[pen scribbling on paper]

[birds chirping]

- [Vijay] John Glenn. - [Bathena] Hmm.

[Vijay] He went into space at the age of 77, okay?

- [Bathena] Yes, Kishore. - You can't even go to the bathroom.

- Okay, no problem. - Next, next.

And this Momofoko Rambo. I mean Momofuku Ando.

At the age of 61, he invented instant noodles, okay?

- Oh! - Look, I'm already dying of cancer, okay?

Food poisoning is not what I want to die of.

- [both laughing] - [Vijay] Okay! Listen to this.

Raymond Colbert.

At the ripe old age of 78, he became a father.

- [in Hindi] Baap re! - [Kishore laughing]

[in English] Listen.

You do what John Glenn did and take off into space. [laughing]

- He wants to become a father! [laughing] - [Bathena cackling]

Vijay, when was the last time you had sex?

[metal clatters]

- Sorry, sister, he's a pervert. - Hey…

[Kishore continues laughing]

Lower your voice, chutiye. No need to shout it out.

21st June.

- Ah! - Oh, recently.

2007.

[laughing heartily]

[comical music playing]

[Vijay] Lieutenant Colonel James Warren.

He got a pilot's license at the age of 87.

- [Bathena] Move. - [man 1] Whose license was it?

- [chuckles] Did he get it back? - [mutters angrily]

Hey, Vijay, if you're gonna be a pilot, please let me know.

One has to book train tickets well in advance.

Are you cheerleaders or fearleaders?

- "Fearleaders!" That's original, Vijay. - [rest laughing]

- Vijay, you can do one impossible thing. - What?

You can stop swearing so much in your old age.

Impossible!

- Even Anna couldn't stop him. - Don't talk such rubbish, okay?

He's the number one potty mouth.

Yaar, don't mention potty. I was totally jammed this morning.

Arey, why don’t you try some guava? It's very effective.

Yeah, you keep talking about potty. Potty this and potty that.

Saala, we have no such achievement in our life that will move people to say,

- "Wow, what a life this guy lived!" - Hmm.

Oh, so you’re having regrets, now that you've missed the boat?

- Great! There goes our Mr. Optimistic. - [chuckles]

How were you a doctor 30 years ago, yaar?

- His patients must've died of depression. - [all chuckling]

There's an age for everything.

- [man 2] And what age is that? - My grandson's age.

He's running a triathlon race at the age of 18.

- [suspenseful music playing] - Youngest to do it. Youngest!

Your grandson's doing it, right?

Why are you gassing off like a rhino's ass?

A rhino's ass! He's learning. I taught him well.

Dumb people, dumb people!

[man 1] Hey Vijay, wasn't he your doctor too?

Yeah. He was a chutiya then, he's a chutiya now.

- He's a certified chautiya. - [all laughing]

- Yes! - What happened?

- Felt some pressure. - [man 1] Applause!

Yes, yaar! [laughing]

[applause]

One and a half kilometers of swimming, followed by 40 kilometers of cycling,

and after that 10 kilometers of running.

Can anyone here tell me what this is called?

- Stupidity! - [audience laughing]

Triathlon.

The youngest person to have successfully completed the triathlon in India

was just 20 years old.

- [whispers indistinctly] - [announcer] But now,

Aditya Jaiswal

from your very own colony will attempt this race at just 18 years of age!

- Wow! - [audience applauding]

Very good. May his Grandpa's old age rub off on him.

- [man] Best of luck! - Thank you.

[announcer] And to encourage Aditya some more,

- we have with us some very special guests. - [quirky music playing]

Like Mr. Sunil Saxena,

the Triathlon Association Of India's Vice Chairman,

and a very good friend of Mr. Jaiswal.

Very nice. Pleasure, pleasure.

[announcer] And we have another special guest among us.

His name is Vivek Sagar ji.

- Vivek Sagar ji is the CEO of Boot Inc. - Hmm.

[announcer] That's right. Boot Inc. Boots for Youth,

- A leading shoe brand… - Does your phone have internet?

- [announcer] …sponsoring Aditya. - [Fali] I don't carry a phone.

Give him a big hand. Come, sir. Please, sir.

[audience applauding]

[announcer] I've worn Boot Inc. shoes specially for this event.

- Arey! Oh. Really? - [announcer] Come, sir, welcome.

I'm coming. One minute, this chewing gum is…

- [laughter] - [announcer] No problem, sir…

- Here. - Take your time.

[Vivek] …got stuck.

So Boot Inc. would like to announce

that if Aditya Jaiswal completes this triathlon successfully,

then a charity of Aditya's choice will receive a donation

- of no less than 20 lakh rupees! Wow! - [audience] Wow!

[announcer] Whoo!

- [Bathena] Twenty lakhs! - [audience applauding]

[announcer] Wow!

Wow! Wow! Wow, sir! Amazing!

Hey, Vijay?

[Vijay] Oldest…

[keyboard clacking]

person

triathlon.

- [triumphant music playing] - [laughs quirkily]

- Fali! I got it! - [man] How are you, Vijay?

- I got it! - [Fali] Come, come, Vijay. Just in time!

- Sit down. - I found my big idea.

You always say that and you end up losing the first set. [chuckles]

Forget about it.

- Hey, not for playing rummy, yaar. - Then?

- For my eulogy. - [Fali] Eulogy?

- For making my life special. - Yeah.

To make things easier for you in church after I'm dead.

The kind of idea that will completely blow people's minds.

Their jaws will drop in wonder,

and they'll say, "Wow! Just look at what Vijay has achieved!"

Congratulations, Vijay. And who's the lucky girl?

- How did you get her pregnant so quickly? - [tray thuds]

Pregnant? Arey, put it down!

- Your fertile mind got her pregnant. - [groans]

- [Vijay] You want to hear it or not? - Yeah, come on, tell me.

- Triathlon! - What lawn?

Triathlon! Triathlon!

Arey, if it's a triathlon, you don't have to say it three-three times.

"Triathlon" what?

You know, the oldest person to complete a triathlon in India was 67 years old.

- So? - And what's my age?

- Ah, you're 69, right? - Exactly!

Don't you get it?

Just tell me clearly what're you going to do in this triathlon?

- You're going to watch it? - I'm going to do the whole triathlon.

I'm going to complete the triathlon at 69 and set a new record in India!

Vijay Mathew will be the oldest man to complete a triathlon in India.

Vijay Mathew is great! Vijay Mathew is fantastic!

- Vijay Mathew zindabad! - Are you crazy?

Do you know all the things you have to do in a triathlon?

- You heard the announcer-- - I know that.

One and a half km swimming, 40 km cycling and 10 km running.

And you're going to do all this?

Oh, yes! I swim very well and you know that.

I cycle around the colony and running I’ll manage along the way.

[cackling in disbelief]

Oh, my God! You’re totally mad!

[in Gujarati] Oh, my dear Lord!

[in English] You laxative-filled lollipop! What're you laughing at?

[in Gujarati] Oh, my God.

[in English] I can't take it anymore. You're totally mad!

- Hey chutiye! - I'm not a chutiya, you're a chutiya.

- [Vijay] Shut up! - [cackling] [in Gujarati] Oh, my God!

- [cackling] - [lively, upbeat music playing]

[laughing]

You! [laughing]

[both laughing uncontrollably]

- At this age? - [laughing uncontrollably]

[laughing loudly, uncontrollably]

[snickering]

Triathlon? Have you lost your mind?

[music continues]

You'll be dead.

[continues laughing]

- [music stops abruptly] - [fan rotating]

[fingers tapping table]

- Am I supposed to say something? Or-- - Brahmacharya, bachelor student life.

Grihastha, married life.

Vanaprastha, retirement.

And in the end Sanyaasa, total detachment.

[chuckles] Sorry. Looks like I've come to the wrong office.

No, no, no, no. Look over there.

Not in the wrong office,

you're just in the wrong age bracket, Mister, uh… ?

- Vijay Mathew. - Correct.

You belong between the Vanaprastha and Sanyaasa stages of life.

And you're trying to be a Brahmachari.

- Is this some kind of prank or--? - You're playing a prank on us, Mr. Vijay!

- [man] Rajan, Rajan. - Sir, you--

- Rajan, one minute. - [Rajan] Fine, sir.

Mr. Mathew, this committee has looked at your application

- and discussed it too. - Okay.

I'm sorry you can't take part in the triathlon.

But, my friend, why?

Not friend, sir.

Mr. Sunil Saxena! Vice Chairman, Triathlon Association of--

- Mrs. Sethia. - Okay, sir. Okay.

- I'm sorry, sir, but why? - Because you're too old for this.

Because at this age, you're better off playing with your grandchildren.

Understand? And not cycling for 40 kilometers!

And it's not safe.

But it's my risk, right?

I'm willing to sign a waiver on the form.

But Mathew sahab, this committee is not ready to sign your death warrant.

But you have given that kid Aditya permission, haven’t you?

Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot.

His father is a good friend of yours, isn't it?

But it's risky for him too, right?

Thanks for applying, Mr. Mathew.

Are you serious?

You're not gonna let me decide what I can or cannot do with my life?

- Of course, we are. - That's not what you’re doing here.

- [Sunil] Why wouldn't-- - You've written my request's rejected.

Provided you make the right decision, okay?

[slow, pensive music playing]

[Sunil] Good luck, Mr. Mathew.

[pensive music continues]

[spectators cheering, chattering, applauding]

[announcer] Next is freestyle 50 meters race.

All the participants of class 5…

- [whooping] - Yay!

Just because I defeated Aditya's father in the colony elections,

he's asking his friend in the committee to get back at me.

- Why should I calm down, yaar? - [Akhil sucks teeth] Nanu!

Okay. Okay, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later.

Sorry, beta, sorry.

Please welcome your chief guest,

respected chairman of the Indian Athletics Federation!

Welcome, sir!

- This is our school secretary. - Hello.

Remember how to breathe, okay?

- Correct, sideways. - [man] When you jump…

Bhaisaab, one minute.

- [man] Remember, never-- - This is Akhil's lane.

It's all good, uncle ji. You can use that lane.

Akhil's rhythm will break. He's been practicing in this lane.

Uncle, it makes no difference at all, trust me.

At our local club events, I've won three swimming medals. So I know.

- Akhil don't move, stand right here. - [man] Why are you being so touchy?

Does the mind lose screws after retirement?

When you find your real father, why don't you ask him?

- What did you say? - Yeah.

- Stay here, Arhit! - [Arhit] Papa!

- Akhil, don't you move. Stand here. - Don't move!

- Stay right here! - Nanu, I don't mind.

- [Vijay] Don't let him push you. - It's okay.

- [kids jeering] - [Vijay] Just don't move, Akhil!

- This is our lane. - [father] …have a stroke, uncle ji!

You have one foot in the grave!

Do you want to know where I'll shove the other leg?

- Hey! I'm warning you. - What you're warning me?

Please stop this!

- You're a swimming champion, right? - [father] I am!

- Take them off! Get in the pool! - [murmuring]

- Let's see what you're really made of! - No, no, no, oye!

You don't want to? Your dad isn't wearing any underwear.

- [Arhit] Really? - No underwear? Now watch.

- [quirky music playing] - Huh?

- [Akhil] Nanu, stop it! - [kids jeering]

- What's he doing? - [Vijay] Watch this!

- [Vijay grunts] - [loud crash in water]

[jeering]

[quirky music continues]

[announcer] Sir, please come out of the pool.

[chortling]

[audience jeering, clamoring]

[laughing, jeering]

[announcer] Sir, we request you to come out of the pool.

[spectators continue jeering]

[grunts]

[kids continue jeering]

[music crescendos]

Ranjit?

[mouths] Vijay?

[music fades]

- See what you can do with his application. - [Sunil] Come on, Ranjit.

If the event was in Mumbai, we could have taken some precautions.

The event is 100 kilometers away in some hilly area.

- It would be risky to take him-- - Bhai sahab, bhai sahab,

the Bangalore National Championship where Ranjit won a gold medal,

I got the bronze medal in that event.

I've participated in more than 12 national meets.

- I'm not some two-bit player! - Ranjit sir, if something happens to him,

- who'll be responsible? - Yes.

- Just see, he's not fit. - Who said I'm not fit? Should I show you?

You are unfit.

[Vijay] Shall I show him how fit I am?

- I know. Vijay, relax. - How does he know I'm fit or not fit?

Sir, see his behavior.

It's my responsibility.

You just get his application processed.

Mr. Ranjit Kumar!

- Chairman of the Triathlon Association! - Mrs. Sethia! One minute.

Okay sir. If you think he can do it, we will require a medical test

and a doctor's NOC.

- Of course. - And prior hospitalization

- and health risk records. - There's nothing like that, my friend.

I, I mean, sir, there are no such records.

[birds chirping]

[Vijay] Ranjit.

Thank you, yaar.

I didn't think you would even remember who I am.

Come on! How could I ever forget you?

- You were a great opponent. - Thank you.

I always believed that one day you would thoroughly defeat me in a race.

[chuckles]

I looked for you at every race, but you were never to be seen.

But now I am finally seeing you.

And you're lucky, young man. We're on the same team this time.

- Thank you. - [Ranjit] I'll be cheering for you.

- Thank you. - [chuckles]

All the best.

- [car door closes, engine starts] - [Ranjit] Let's go.

[car receding]

[slow, hopeful music playing]

[woman] It's a medical test.

- Have you gone to sleep? - [knocks on door]

Uncle!

- Here you go. - Hmm.

- Okay? Bye. - [nurse] Arey, uncle!

[quirky music playing]

[door slams]

- [music fades] - [clicks tongue]

- [toilet flushing] - Aah!

- Bye! - [nurse] Uncle!

- What is it now? - Hmm.

[fakes retching sound]

- [retches] - [door slams]

Come in. Try to relax, try to relax. Lift both the arms up.

Both your arms, lift them up.

Up, yeah. The other arm too. Like this, straight.

Hmm, very good.

- Now, look to the side and cough. - [coughs]

Hey! What are you doing?

- I'll kill you, Doctor. - Arey!

I'm just going to write a report.

- Forget it. - No, no, no, doctor, sorry.

- Sorry, I'll do it. - It's a hernia test, sir.

You have to do it!

Relax, take it easy. Now raise your arms.

Yeah, very good.

- Now look to the right and cough a little. - [coughs]

[screams] Aah, Mamma!

[fast-paced music playing]

Mr. Mathew, do you like listening to horror stories?

[whimpering] Of course not.

When you hear ghost stories, does your hair stand up?

[voice trembling] All over my body.

[screams]

Just relax, it's nothing.

- [wax strip ripping] - [howling] You witch, you hag!

- She-devil, I'll wring your neck! - Ah! Security!

Let me go!

[Vijay whimpering] Pulled out all my hair.

- [whimpers] - [strip rips]

Now what are you doing, doctor?

I'm adjusting my gloves. Yeah?

- Now bend down. It's a prostate test. - Okay.

- Spread your legs and bend down. - Okay.

- [screams, whimpers] Hey! - Arey! I'm applying some gel.

It's just some gel on my gloves. Please relax.

It won't hurt. Now I'll examine you, okay?

- [titters] You're tickling me. - [doctor] One, one minute, one minute.

One, two, three!

[loud blast]

- [gasps] - [people laughing]

[groans]

It's okay, Biswajit. Sit down,

- Sit. Come on. - What is?

So, congratulations to Vijay.

Despite the shitty attitude and potty mouth he's famous for,

he's managed to clear his medical tests.

- Oh, wow! Congratulations, Vijay! - [all cheering]

Yes. Yeah! Yeah, man!

Okay, Vijay.

You remember the last time you died,

you didn't appreciate my speech even a little bit.

- Not at all. - [all chuckling]

But this time when you're actually planning to die,

you better come and give your own speech. Come, come.

- Come on, speech, speech. - [Fali] Everybody, come on, encourage him.

- Okay, okay, okay. - [all applauding]

Thank you for the flowers, thank you for the flowers.

[Vijay clears throat]

So Anna always insisted

that I shouldn't give up on my dreams because of her.

And since life had put Anna on a timer that was running out,

that’s why she wanted me to live life to the fullest.

And I mean every second.

Just like the lines of our favorite song.

So whenever I felt a little sad, Anna would play my favorite song,

our favorite song, on our old tape recorder.

[recites in Hindi] What will be you can never know,

what used to be you can never know--

[all singing] ♪ All that can be Is this moment now ♪

[in English] You know this?

[in Hindi] ♪ What will be You can never know ♪

♪ What used to be ♪

[in English] Arey baba, stop it, stop it!

Let him finish what he was saying, guys.

Hey Vijay, please continue your emotional speech.

So I never gave a thought to what she said for a very long time.

But it was only last week when my very good friend Fali Bathena

very lovingly ordered a small coffin for me online,

- that too at a discount, - [scattered chuckles]

…is when I actually realized that

my wife Anna was absolutely right.

We… [voice catches]

[voice trembling] We're all living our lives on a timer.

- [low, pensive music playing] - [EKG beeping indistinctly]

So… [voice catches]

I may be doing this triathlon for myself, but…

considering the amount of love you all gave Anna in her final days…

- Fali, you were so loving to her. - [pensive music playing]

Kishore.

Mrs. Bakshi, who isn’t here right now and Mrs. Joshi.

What is he saying?

- [nurse] He's saying "thank You" to you. - Oh!

So I've decided that whatever little money I make from this triathlon,

I'm going to use it to repair these broken walls and

leaking pipes at Fali's cancer center.

- [mouths] Wow! - [Kishore] Arey, wow, wow! Superb! Superb!

- Three cheers for Vijay! Hip-hip… - [rest] Hurray!

- [Kishore] Hip hip… - [rest] Hurray!

- Hip hip… - Hurray!

[nurse] What are you doing, Biswajit? You're okay, right?

- Why are you crying? Why are you crying? - [sniffling]

It's okay.

- You dared to call me a potty mouth, huh? - [chuckling]

- Hey, I'm very happy! - [everyone laughing]

[lively, energetic music playing]

[yelps]

[in Hindi] ♪ With dreams That gleam in my eyes ♪

♪ I walk your paths, O Life ♪

[in English] Mrs. Bakshi, at least warn me a little in advance.

Goenka's old, bed-ridden mother started walking

and running in just three weeks, thanks to me.

- And thanks to this pep song. - Who the hell is Goenka?

Arey, Goenka.

Don’t you know he's the one who saw me in the hospital and boom,

he immediately made me his mother's private nurse.

Mrs. Bakshi, you need to stop living in the past.

Haye, haye, look who's talking.

- What's this? - Arey, one minute!

Without monitoring your BP, you can't go off to exercise.

You just stay away from me, my BP will be absolutely fine.

- It's high. - How much?

- 148 by 98-- - I don't care how high it is.

- Arey! - Now, please. Just leave me alone.

Vijay! Vijay! Vijay!

[lively, upbeat music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

C'mon, keep going.

Superb!

[wheezes deeply]

[inhales deeply, exhales]

[music slows]

Wat up, fam? Welcome to another Shock-a-locka Baby special.

Today, we have with us, the man of the hour himself.

None other than Vijay Mathew, aka Mr. Death,

whose funeral video received 40,000 likes

- and 2 million views, guys! - This is not the right time.

Sir, do you have any message for my 3 lakh subscribers?

I do!

Put your phones away, get the junk out of your brains

and your bums off your sofas! And do some work!

Useless generation!

[vlogger] You sound like my granddad, Vijay.

I am a granddad! So stop calling me Vijay!

Okay, he's very angry. But we'll try again, don't worry. For you!

- Vijay, why so serious? It's okay. Chill! - [Vijay exhales]

Please, don't bother me. I'm really exhausted--

- Or I'll break-- - So this was Vijay Mathew,

who fell into the water, but still didn't die.

And those who rise from a fall are heroes.

You know the drill, subscribe to my YouTube channel Shock-a-locka Baby!

[whistle blows]

- [whistle blowing] - [man] Come on, too slow, too slow!

If you're going to train on your own, then you're going to die.

This is not a 100- or 400-meter race.

You need stamina. Real stamina.

You know, everything makes a difference, you know?

What time you eat, when you drink, when you sleep, when you get up,

- when you shit, you know-- - Mummy! Mummy! You're alive?

- Your mummy? - Yeah, stop talking like my mother!

When to eat, sleep, shit! Such bullshit!

- Shut up! - Oh, shut up! Look there!

I said 3000 calories per day. Not per meal, okay?

All those french fries have turned you into little burgers. Lift your legs now.

- Come on, run, boys! - Excuse me, Coach Kumar.

Hello! [chuckles]

- The man I told you about on the phone? - Yeah.

- This is him. - Hello.

[laughing] [in Hindi] Dadaji.

[in English] Hey! Excuse me, excuse me.

Coaching is my passion, not my profession.

Hey, hey. Just give him one chance, no? Please.

Alright. Tell me, height. What's your height?

- [hesitates] He's 5'7''. - 5'8".

- That's why my coffin was small. - Coffin!

Hey, hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Wait. Uh, weight, what's your weight? - His weight is 78.

- Seventy-seven. - Arey, last week it was 78.

- [Vijay] Seventy-seven! 77! - [whistle blows shrilly]

Decide once and for all, 77 or seventy… 77.5.

Okay.

Weight, height square 77.5.

Which means this will be around…

"Twenty-eight." Bhai sahab, we haven't come to play sudoku.

This is not sudoku. This is BMI. Body Mass Index.

It means you cannot participate in the triathlon.

- Any reading that is more than 22 means-- - Hidden body fat.

- Yeah. - Specially in older patients, you know?

- Hypertension, early diabetes-- - Chutiye, are you on my side or his side?

Hey, actually, I'm a doctor.

If you have any problems, you can call me. Dr. Fali.

Good. Doctor, mournfully.

- [curses in Gujarati] - It's 26!

[suspenseful music playing]

- What? What, what, what? What is 26? - A professional swimmer's average BMI.

He has a higher level of body fat than an athlete.

It helps him to float. It's called buoyancy.

That was a sixer! You knocked it right out of the park.

Bhai sahab, you should know I've been a national-level swimmer.

- Even I know some science. - National?

- Yes. - Then I'll give you a discount.

- Done! - Only one and half lakhs.

As soon as I get 50,000, I'll start your training immediately. Works?

[scoffs] I thought you just said coaching was your passion, not your profession?

Passion also needs to float, right?

It's called buoyancy.

[chuckles] Touché! I like it. I like it.

- I like it! Come on! Done, done. - [Fali] Arey, what done?

How done? Where will you get so much money?

Should we go to Aditya's sponsor? Uh, how does his name begin?

- Chuh-chuh-chu-chu-- - Arey, not Chu, Boot Inc.

- Yeah. - And his tagline is "Boots for Youths"!

Arey, I'm still a young dude.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Shock-a-locka Baby!

Today is a very special day.

Because in today's exclusive episode…

- Hello, my friends! - …joining us is Vijay Mathew?

- [Vijay chuckles] - What made you think

- of this useless generation suddenly? - I love young people. Yo, ya, yo!

[mock chuckles] Very funny. And we love the truth.

- I need some help from you. - Ah. There it is.

- To broaden and increase my youth appeal. - I'm a vlogger, Vijay, not a magician.

I'll provide 100% access to your Shaka-laka-laka-locka show.

[suspenseful music playing]

What do I have to do?

Bloody hell! [chuckles consciously]

- [quirky music playing] - [Vivek strains]

[grunts, exhales]

[Vivek] Tell me.

47,500 likes and 2.3 million views.

Hmm.

- Swati! Swati! - [Swati] Yes, sir?

Arey, there's a nail stuck in my shoe. Please do something.

Okay sir.

Yeah, so you said there were [mockingly] 2.3 million views?

- For this uncle? Huh? - What can I say?

I'm a heart bob.

- Heartthrob. - Heartthrob. Yo ya!

- [whispers] Stop doing that. - Why?

So what you are trying to say is that

this uncle here is going to attempt to become

India's oldest triathlete,

and you think that our company, Boots For Youths is a good match?

- Yes! - That's exactly what I'm saying, sir.

- You got it. Yes. - [mockingly] Ah, I got it.

So, if you had come to me 30 years ago, maybe I could've helped you a little.

[singsongy] But right now, I'm sorry. [laughs mockingly]

- Let's go. - Yeah, we have to also go to Rider Shoes.

- We don't have time, so-- - One minute, one minute.

What? What? What Rider?

Rider Shoes. The sponsor of 12 of my videos,

who are well aware

that my 3 million subscribers who will travel with me on Vijay's journey

are going to need

trendy and comfortable shoes.

Huh?

- [shoe thuds] - [vlogger] Thank me later.

[Vivek mutters] Oh! Amazing.

- We're going to Rider Shoes? - [whispers] Quiet. Play along.

How did she do it?

Arey, hold on!

What's the hurry? Uncle, energy drink. Would you like some?

Swati! Energy!

[lively, upbeat music playing]

Hmm? Hmm?

[music continues]

[rope creaks, straining]

[engine roaring]

Oye! What are you doing?

Come on! [laughs maniacally]

Oh!

Hey Vijay! Hey, Dr. Kumar, you're going to make him fall sick.

Then you nurse him back to health. Vijay, come on, come on!

- I can't breathe. - Up, up, up, up!

Fali, he's not a coach, he's a killer.

Arey, he's a real task master. Hey!

Training isn't some donkey work.

- It's an art. It's a scie-- - [Kumar] One, two, one, two!

- One, two! Lift your knees… - [reporter] Aditya, what's your routine?

- Look at the old man. Mask. - I'm talking to you, come back.

[reporters murmuring]

[Kumar] Come on, come on.

- Look, my friend-- - I am not your friend.

In the mini triathlon next month, they'll have a slope just like this one.

- Come on, move! - [lively, upbeat music playing]

Oh! Come on, come on, come on!

Oh, oh, oooh!

[grunts]

- Hey, I fell down. - You'll fall down 20 more times.

Okay.

Mr. Vijay Mathew, who is attempting to win the title

of "the oldest Indian ever to complete a triathlon,"

may be using strange training methods,

but his determination is unshakable.

I thought he was reporting on you.

Old man stole my spotlight in the colony elections also.

If the spotlight's gone, he'll lose his sponsorship.

- [Aditya panting] - Why have you stopped?

Huh? Keep going!

- [Rakesh] Here's another video-- - I don't wanna see.

Up! Up! Up! Up!

- [Vijay] I'm coming, yaar! - [Kumar] Use your legs!

- Up! Up! Up! Up! - [groans]

- Up! Up! Up! Up! - [Vijay yelps]

[laughs]

Sixteen more falls to go.

Nanu!

Sixteen more falls to go.

- Let's go. - Arey, beta, listen! Arey, beta!

- [man] Excuse me. - Yes?

Hi, I'm Mahesh Menon.

- I'm a sports manager. - Oh! Please come in. Come.

Hmm.

- I'm looking for Mr. Vijay Mathew. - [paper rustles]

- [quirky music playing] - [brusquely] Take a right.

- [Vijay] Hey! - [kids clamoring]

Hey!

- Stop! - [kids laughing, clamoring]

He's running away. Get him, get him!

- Don't let him… - [Vijay] I'll show you!

[Kumar] He's getting scared of kids.

[tense music playing]

[exhales] Your work will be done.

Conman, liar, deceiver Vijay Mathew,

who is attempting to break the record as India's oldest triathlete,

is not 69, but 64 years old!

Our channel has managed to get hold of his birth certificate.

What's this damn nonsense? That's not my birth certificate!

That Aditya's dad should be… dad should be… dad should be…

May a crow shit on his fate! Try and remember how to cuss!

Hey, you have your original birth certificate, right?

[suspenseful music playing]

You're a penguin!

You're a dolphin!

- Three! Two! - [Aakash] Come on! Hurry up.

Take this. C'mon, wear it.

- [Aakash muted] - [Kumar] Three!

Two!

- One! Go! Go! - [Aditya screams]

- [Aakash] Come on, Adi! - You're a speedy sea snake!

- [Aakash] Come on! - [Kumar] You're a sea otter!

You're an underwater mountain goat!

[exhales]

[Kumar cackling]

[continues cackling]

[dialog muted]

Um…

[lively, upbeat music playing]

- Woah! Yeah! [laughs] - [music intensifies]

Come on!

[music fades]

So that was today's cricket news.

After the break, we'll be interviewing Vijay Mathew,

who is attempting to set…

- Well done! - [Vijay] Ha! Yes!

- [report continues] - [Vijay chuckles]

- Put that down! - [glass thuds]

- No cold drinks, remember? - Arey! Why are you scolding him?

- Okay then, I'll scold you instead! - [groans]

Just stop all this ridiculous triathlon rubbish!

- And why should I stop? - Why? Do I have to spell it out? Huh?

You have blood sugar problems, you have BP issues,

your 2D Echo showed an irregular heartbeat!

Arey, you haven't had a single medical health checkup in years!

And when you had one, you ignored the doctor's advice because you're you!

Dad…

If you're in need of any money right now, then we can surely help you out.

How did money come into this? It's not about money, beta.

Then what is it about, Papa?

I've already lost Mamma.

I can't keep worrying about you all the time.

If your mother were here today, she would support me.

Don't try this emotional blackmail with me. Don't do it.

- You know I'm right. - Yes! I know.

I know that swimming was your whole life before Mamma fell ill.

I know you promised her that one day you'd put a gold medal around her neck.

I even know that you gave up swimming and started coaching

- just to take care of Mamma and me. - If you know, why can't you understand?

Because that was then, Papa!

Now you're 69 years old. 69!

So just because I'm 69, I should stop having dreams?

[breath trembling]

Because I'm 69, should I just read a newspaper?

Because I'm 69, should I just go for walks?

Because I'm 69, should I just take my pills, sleep and die one day?

It would have been better that the moment I turned 69,

I should have just jumped into the sea.

Hey, you're cutting the old man's head, don't cut off his head.

- Oi! You bloody immoral bloodsucking… - Papa!

- Bloody stinking pigs. - [grunts]

That Aditya's horrible father sent you here, right?

So he can get all the attention?

- What are you doing, Papa? - Dad, what're you doing? Just calm down.

- Who do you think you are? - He's gone mad! Shoot it!

You have the nerve to record my family secretly! How dare you!

Leave me! Let me go! You cannot attack the press!

Papa, please!

- Delete it, delete it! Delete it! - Hey! You'll damage my camera!

- Delete it now! - [reporter] Deleted.

- Delete it right now! - Delete it.

- Oh, yes, it's deleted. Done. - Is it deleted?

- It's done! I'll get you for this! - Don't you dare show your face again.

Or you'll end up on the obituary page of a newspaper.

- You piece of shit. - Dad!

- Stop it! - [Abhi] Calm down.

Mamma would've knocked some sense into you!

- You're scolding me all the time! - What can I do if you behave like this?

- Relax, yaar! Calm down, Dad. - Let's go. Let's just get out of here.

- Wha… What are you doing, yaar? - [Deeksha] Come on.

- [breathing heavily] - Just get in the car.

[Abhimanyu] Deeksha, why are you getting hyper?

- [car door slams] - [car engine starts]

[vehicle receding]

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, it's 40 minutes into the mini triathlon.

And our triathletes are changing over from swimming to cycling

with great energy and enthusiasm.

[audience] Whoo!

One of the triathletes has already come out of the pool

and is headed for the exit to take part in the cycling leg of the event.

[lively, upbeat music playing]

[announcer announcing indistinctly]

[crowd cheering]

- [music continues] - [crowd cheering]

- [Aakash] This slope is a killer. - [Rakesh] Yeah.

The old man is going to bite the dust on this slope.

- [both laugh] - You old fossil, what did you say?

- Say it loudly. - The old man is gonna bite the dust.

The amount of oxygen being supplied by Vijay's lungs to his muscles right now

is more than you've inhaled in four months.

It's called Maximal Oxygen Uptake!

Hey, no science, speak in plain English, boy.

- Vijay's levels clearly prove that-- - This man's not a coach.

- He's a health accountant. - [laughing mockingly]

[laughing]

- Hold on to this. - You're most welcome.

Hey, you piece of… [garbled words]

Hey, I'll hit you! Hey!

- I'll hit you! - [Kumar shouting garbled words]

Take him out of here. I'll break his head, I swear!

- [cycle bells ringing] - [upbeat music playing]

- [Rakesh] Come on, Aditya! - [Aakash] Come on, Aditya!

- Come on, Aditya. Come on! Come on! - Yes! Come on!

[yelping in pain] Aah!

- What the heck, re! - He fell down.

How could you fall down! Get up!

[groans in pain]

Arey, go and help him up.

Useless idiot!

- What kind of father is he? - Very terrible!

[crowd cheering]

- [crowd cheering] - [tense music playing]

- Yes! - Yes!

- Vijay! - Yes! Yes!

[Fali] Vijay careful, careful! Stay alert, stay alert!

Hey Vijay, carefully, carefully! It's a very dangerous slope.

[panting, wheezing]

- [Vijay panting] - [Fali] Vijay, steady! Steady!

- Come on, move aside for Vijay! - [groaning, exhaling]

Careful, careful, Vijay.

In, out.

[vlogger] Yeah! Yes! Yes!

- [straining] - [Fali] Come on, come on, Vijay.

- You can do it. - [wheezing]

- [slow music playing] - [breathing heavily]

[groans]

[breathing laboriously]

[melancholic music playing]

[music fades]

[curtains drawing]

[EKG beeping]

[EKG continues beeping]

So have I died again?

[all sigh]

Oh, welcome back, Mr. Mathew. Everything is fine.

How are you feeling now?

- So who won? - Uh-uh-uh, relax.

You could say that you won.

Uh, there wasn't much impact on the spine, and uh,

we had to do a small non-invasive procedure on you.

- What? - Don't worry, everything is fine.

You are going to be as good as new.

Thank you.

- Come, Abhishek, say hi to Papa. - Abhimanyu!

- So sorry. - [box lid opens]

Methi, ajwain and haldi ladoo. Goenka's mother's favorite. [chuckles]

- Aaah. - Madam, sorry, That's not allowed.

- Please, - Arey, but, but…

- Mrs. Bakshi, please! - [Mrs. Bakshi groans]

- Vijay-- - One minute!

One minute. Chocolates make the world go around.

Seven days of no chocolate, makes one weak.

- [doctor] Ah-ah-ah… - [Fali] Vijay, we are so proud of you.

You attempted something that none of us could have ever dreamt of.

Doctor sahab, tell me, when can I be up and about again?

Well, we can get you up in two weeks' time.

We'll start with a light physio.

Coach Kumar,

- in two weeks, let's go! - What?

This has upped the man's BPM, bravo!

His anesthesia hasn't worn off yet. He's talking rubbish.

Doctor sahab just said two weeks and I'll be back.

- Doctor, you tell me. - [doctor] Yes, ma'am?

Especially at this age and after such an injury,

can he compete in a triathlon in a hilly area?

It's not impossible.

There you go! The expert has spoken.

- [Fali] Just not possible. - I love you, doc.

Two scientific experts say he can do it, case closed.

- [blows shrilly] Two weeks. - [Fali] You're another fool.

- What a disaster! - [Deeksha] Ridiculous!

- Crazy! He's really crazy. - [Vijay] What the hell!

Luckily, no one's listening to you,

or they would've sent you straight to the asylum.

[Fali] Act like a normal human being. Go back to sleep.

- [Vijay] Hm. Okay. - [beat music playing]

Okay…

Okay…

Okay…

- Hello, Uncle? - [shrieks] Ma!

[gasps] Mummy!

Are you mad? What do you want?

Nothing, I'm good, thank you.

Oi, hero! I really don't have a problem with you.

But your dad and granddad have been really irritating me

and my patience is down to zero now.

- What is it? - [chuckles nervously]

- Uncle, uh, can I use your phone please? - Why?

- One, one urgent call, that's it. - To whom?

- [hesitates] One urgent call. - [quirky music playing]

Thank you.

Hey baby. It's me, Adi.

I'm, I'm calling from someone else's phone.

- Yeah, yeah. - Ooh.

No, I'm fine! [clicks tongue] It's nothing.

- It's just a sprain. - Aww.

Uh, Springfield. Springfield Hospital.

- Room… ? - 302!

[gasps]

Three hundred and two. [chuckles conspiratorially]

Uh, yeah, yeah. Room 302.

- Now? No, if Papa sees us, he'll-- [gasps] - [door crashes open]

Oh, damn, bloody!

[door creaks, slams shut]

[suspenseful music playing]

[girl] Hello?

Hello, babe?

What was that noise? Are you okay?

Hello? Babe, are you listening?

Say something. Hello?

- Are you listening to me? - [Vijay grunts]

Hello darling!

Yeah, I was walking around and the phone fell down.

[chuckles] Actually, an eclipse entered the room and everything went dark.

Just like in an eclipse when it goes dark and you can't see?

Even I couldn't see anything. Ha, ha, ha!

Yeah, the same, the same, an eclipse. [laughs mockingly] [growls]

Okay.

Bye. 302. Bye-bye, darling.

[air kisses, chuckles]

[chuckles] My girlfriend.

Ah, can't get enough of me. [chuckles]

- You have a girlfriend? - [quirky music playing]

- You'd never get one. - What did you say?

I mean, nothing. Father and son. Between the two of you.

[Vijay chuckles]

Oh, hello! Cameras are not allowed here.

- You are visitors? Who's the patient? - Vijay Mathew.

It's not a painkiller, it's a sleeping pill.

It's not a sleeping pill, sir.

I know you want me to be unconscious.

- It's a sleeping pill. - It's not.

Then you have it first.

- Reporters not allowed! - You can't stop the press.

- I'll press charges! He's there! - Passes won't work. Stop!

- Stop! Security! - Listen, Mr. Vijay!

- I'm gonna take a piss. Get out of my way! - Is it true

since childhood you used your fake birth certificate

in the Under 17 and then the Under 21 races

- to get an unfair advantage? - Forget Under 17.

I won Under 5 races when I was actually 10 years old.

Not everyone is a chutiya like you.

- Now get out! - Is it true

the Chairman of the Triathlon Association,

Mr. Ranjit Kumar, is a close friend of yours,

and he helped you reverse the Committee's decision

by showing the wrong age on your birth certificate?

You bloody scum.

I'll take your birth certificate and change your father's name on it,

or my name is not Vijay Mathew.

- Get the hell out of my way! - Is it true

that your wife Anna Mathew was ashamed of what you were doing

and her final wish was that you give up this whole racket?

You dare to take my Anna's name?

- [grunts] - I won't spare you!

You disgusting piece of shit! Get out of here!

Bloody idiots! Get them out of here!

- You got that bit, right? - [cameraman] Yes, sir.

- Sir, please stop shouting. - What's your problem?

- [slaps] - [Aakash] I'm ashamed of you!

You've taken after your mother's side. Bloody loser!

Hey! Who did you call bloody loser, huh?

- My son. Any problem? - No! No problem!

[footsteps receding]

- [Aditya sniffling] - [door creaks open, slams]

- [tender music playing] - [Aditya continues sniffling, sobbing]

[Aditya sniffling softly]

What happened?

Did he hit you?

Hmm. [sniffles]

But why?

[sniffles]

You mean, you ate some chocolate and he hit you?

[voice trembling] It's okay, I-I'm fine now.

You're not allowed to eat chocolate, you're not allowed to talk on the phone.

You, you train so hard from morning to night.

I've seen you with my own eyes and he…

Is he your father or Shakaal?

Huh?

- Sha-- - Sha…

You don't know who is Shakaal?

Okay, fine. Mogambo?

Mogam… ?

You don't even know Mogambo?

How ancient am I, yaar!

- [clicks tongue rhythmically] - [suspicious music playing]

[Vijay vocalizes tune]

[music continues]

[window slams shut]

And… [mimics Bollywood dramatic beats]

No, no, please, please, I can't even look at it.

- Close your eyes and eat them, beta. - [Aditya chuckles]

I've closed all the doors.

- Come on, be a little daring. Come on! - Okay, okay.

- Okay! - Uh, I'll just keep this.

This is all for you!

- Eat up, come on! - It's for Malti.

Malti… ? Oh, okay.

- Ah, that girl. - [chuckles shyly]

"Ah, I miss you, Malti, I miss you, huh?"

Uh, actually, Malti might visit the hospital when Papa's not around.

Is her name really Ma-la-ti?

[chuckles] It's Malti. One syllable.

One-syllable Malti.

She's really nice.

Really nice, huh?

- One syllable. - Okay Malti! Cheers to one-syllable Malti!

Come on, come on, cheers!

- Cheers! - Say "I love you, Malti."

- Huh? - Say it, yaar, say it!

I-I love you, Malti.

Hello? He loves you, Malti.

[soft, joyful music playing]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

[music continues]

[clap echoes]

[music fades]

[keyboard keys clacking]

- [Vijay] Hey! - Hey!

- Why do you touch everything, Vijay? - [groans]

Don't touch.

Are you sure you want to start your training again?

You've just recovered from an operation.

Fali, it was not an operation. It was a non-invasive procedure.

I've had three weeks of physiotherapy. I am absolutely fine.

Are you a doctor or am I?

I too have the same doubt.

[in Hindi] Baap re!

- [in English] What do you think? - I think you need to rest, Vijay.

Arey, all I need is a cycle with medical specifications.

After that I will be as good as new.

How much time does it take, yaar? Hurry up!

Arey, sir, with so much customization, it'll be very expensive.

[Vijay clicks tongue]

[scoffs]

[in English] Is it for some old man?

I'm going through a tough time right now. Don't piss me off!

Just tell me what it's gonna cost.

- Tell me how much it's gonna cost. - Vijay, calm down. Relax.

Look, it'll cost at least 70,000.

- So? - Just take down the order.

You are sure?

- You're not wasting my time, right? - Do we look like freeloaders?

- Sir! - Hey, Falli! Get back!

He's mad. He talks through his ass, not his mouth.

- Sorry. - [cell phone ringing]

Sir, Vivek sir.

[cheerfully] Hello Vivek ji, Namaste, namaste.

Huh? What are you saying, sir? How can I ever forget Boots For Youths?

Arey, no, no! You know what those news people are like.

They are Aditya's papa's paid media.

In fact, I found my birth certificate, the original birth certificate you know.

I'll courier it to you tomorrow itself.

What? Violence?

I…I don't understand.

[hesitates] Arey! Arey, how can you cancel my sponsorship just like that?

- Hello, Vivek ji? Vivek ji? - [dial tone]

You have a TV here?

Bloody… [bleeps]

…is a chutiya… [bleeps]! Get out from here.

Out! Out [bleeps]!

…my way! Get out! [bleeps]

Bloody idiots! Get out from here!

Out! Out! Get out!

The blood of a reporter is a stain on the pages of history.

- Blood? I didn't even lay a hand on him. - [reporter continues on TV]

Bloody fraud must've applied ketchup.

Everyone in the media is going to boycott Vijay Mathew.

What are you going to do, sponsors?

What are you going to do, Triathlon Association?

Wait and watch what I will do to you.

A deranged old man attacked an unarmed reporter

with his saline bottle in a fatal attack.

- [Vijay] What? - This is unacceptable.

- How can somebody behave like this? - You chicken shit, chutiya, chapak--

- Arey idiot, just say chutiya! - Chutiya shithead!

- I'm going to break his face! - Relax, relax.

- We'll figure it out! - Arey, what relax?

For three whole weeks they were quiet.

Then as soon as I announced my participation, these losers…

- [Vijay exclaims angrily] - Calm down, Vijay!

- [Vijay] Coach Kumar? - Yeah?

You know I've worked hard,

really hard to pass every single one of your scientific requirements.

- I won't be able to do it. - But why?

Okay, name me one single formula

that you put before me and I didn't complete. Tell me.

- Okay. E is equal to MCR. - What?

- Now which formula is that? - It's personal, Fali.

"R" stands for Reputation.

The Association and the parents of all the rich kids I coach

are insisting that I drop you.

- But why? - You beat up a journalist!

You made him bleed! A journalist!

Arey, that wasn't blood.

That… That was ketchup, ketchup.

Sauce, it was sauce, sauce.

Not sauce. The cause is lost, Fali.

I really like you, Vijay. But I just can't do it.

- My-my-my career is on the line. - Coach, I also like you.

Okay, let's do one thing.

For all the children you are training, I'll pay their fees from my pocket.

How will you pay him?

- You've lost your sponsorship. - [Kumar] I heard that.

Please talk some sense into him, Fali.

- Yeah. - Vijay, you might just do it.

Good luck, baby.

- [air kisses] - [Fali] Hey, Kumar!

Bloody chutiya, makes an exit like Tom Cruise.

Now without his diet, without his training,

what am I gonna do, yaar?

Yeah, and now you won't get that custom-made cycle either, will you?

Could you be any more depressing if you tried?

- Meaning? - Like "Vijay, everything will be fine.

Don't you worry.

I'll arrange for the money." Can't you say reassuring things like that?

Yeah, Vijay, you don't have to worry. I'll take care of everything.

- I'll arrange for the money myself. So-- - Go to hell, yaar!

So should I go and rob a bank?

Nanu! Nanu, see!

Very good, beta, very good.

[news report playing indistinctly on TV]

- How much money do you need? - Beta, I just need three lakhs.

Out of that, the customized bike will cost 70,000.

Then the fees for that non-association coach,

- uh, equipment, diet, etc. - Of course, Dad.

Don't worry. We're here for you.

We are clearing our home loan this month. I'm sure we'll get some cash.

- Don't worry about it. - I'm only taking it as a loan, beta.

And after the race anyway I'm gonna return it.

- And the doctor says-- - The doctor said you were lucky, okay?

That your spine wasn't permanently damaged.

Why do I have to explain this to you like you're a child?

No, Abhi! Someone has to put a stop to his stubbornness.

- [Abhimanyu] Yeah but-- - [Deeksha] Who's the parent here?

Beta, when you,

when you used to compete in the inter-class races and came last,

or when you used to fall and get hurt, I was,

I was always cheering you on as a parent.

I was nine then, Papa. Not 69!

[news playing on TV]

- And this! - [TV reporter] …Mathew attacked a reporter

- with a saline bottle… - Look at this.

You filthy man!

You piece of [bleeps]! I'm gonna get you!

- [Vijay's rant continues on TV] - Who talks like this?

Why do you always swear so much?

It's so embarrassing.

I-I-I can explain that.

[Vijay on TV] Get out…

- Get out, you bloody idiot! - You shut your ears!

[Akhil] Why are you taking all your anger

- out on me? - Beta, it's a setup.

Enough, Papa!

Even if I had extra money, I wouldn't give it to you

- to indulge in this kind of nonsense! - Ow, Mamma!

- [Deeksha] Just look here! Here! - [Akhil groans] Ow, Mamma!

- [Deeksha] Now get your bag. - [melancholic music playing]

[Abhimanyu whispers] Dad.

Dad, please.

[Akhil] You always take your anger out on me!

- Hmm! - [exhales]

Why don't you come and stay with us for a few days?

It will distract you, and…

[music continues]

[piano playing Anna's favorite Hindi song]

[woman in Hindi] ♪ The magic of this moment ♪

♪ Makes unions sublime ♪

♪ The warmth of this moment ♪

♪ Makes hearts race ♪

♪ In the presence of this moment ♪

♪ The world belongs to us ♪

♪ When you look at this moment ♪

♪ It shines brighter than history ♪

♪ You who live, you must decide ♪

♪ Now is the moment To fulfill your heart's desire ♪

[in English] Promise me…

that when I am no more,

you'll do something for yourself.

Even if it's for a little while…

[sniffles] you'll live for yourself.

Don't talk about leaving.

We had decided, right? That you and I would fight together

- and kick cancer's ass. - [Anna] Hey!

- No swearing. - [Vijay] Arey--

You had promised!

- Now I can't even express myself? - [chuckles]

I love you.

I love you too.

[woman in Hindi] ♪ What will be You can never know ♪

♪ What used to be you can never know ♪

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪

[people chattering indistinctly]

- [indistinct chatter] - [birds chirping]

- On flat ground take longer steps. - [gasps]

- Are you mad? - Shorter on the slope.

- Yeah. - Come on, keep going.

Alone today? Father of the Year is missing.

[chuckles] Papa's busy buying special papaya seeds.

- [laughs] - For my stamina.

- Of course. - He was very pleased today

to hear about your sponsorship cancellation.

Dadu is so excited, he's showered thrice since morning.

Your dad and granddad are really cheap.

I hope with all my heart that you turn out to be the neighbor's son.

Neighbor is in jail for bank fraud.

- But he is still better. - [Aditya chuckles]

- So how is Ma-la-ti? - It's Malti, for God's sake!

I don't like it.

- [Aditya chuckles] - Okay, you carry on. I am tired. [panting]

[exhales] I'm resting.

[exhales deeply]

[birds chirping]

- [clears throat] - [unzips bag]

You know, I overheard Papa talking to Vivek Sagar this morning.

I know that all your outfits, shoes and bike were taken back by Boot Inc.

Here. These are for you.

- Where did you get these? - They're Papa's.

But he has 11 identical pairs.

- [clicks tongue] He won't miss it, uncle. - Oi, who are you calling uncle?

Call me Vijay. I don't want them.

Aren't you gonna listen to your new coach…

Vijay?

What do you mean?

What I mean is, if there's one thing I know really well is how to train.

So from tomorrow,

I'm gonna coach you secretly every single day.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't need to.

You focus on yourself, my friend.

At the hospital I really felt, I've finally found a friend,

who actually knows what I'm going through.

[pensive music playing]

Here.

You know? You definitely are the neighbor's son.

[chuckles]

I'll see you tomorrow, uncle, uh, Vijay.

Arey, Arey, uncle, you can't. You can't go inside without a token.

Senior citizen, beta.

- [yelps] - [turnstile beeps open]

- Hey! - Let him go, he's old.

- [man] So he can do anything? - Uh, Vijay! Here, here!

Why did you call me so urgently?

- Come, come. - Huh?

- Let's go! Impromptu plan. - [video games chiming]

- What plan? - Impromptu, sudden.

I want you to meet someone. Come.

- [mischievously] Huh? - [chuckles]

- Okay, but why here? - Vijay, this is Malti.

- Malti, meet Vijay. - Hi!

- This is Malti? - Yes!

- Wow! I mean, how? - [Malti chuckles]

I know, I know, she's 23 and I'm too young for her.

It's fine, it's love.

You don't have to explain that. Come, let's sit.

- Malati is wow! I'm happy to meet you. - Aww.

Uh, Vijay, Malti is a marketing professional.

Which is why we are meeting her. Malti?

Adi told me about the problem you're having with your sponsorship.

- I have an idea. - Okay.

You're both from the same colony

attempting to break different records, right?

Mm-hmm.

There is media attention

- but not as much as there should be. - Hmm.

Why is that?

Hmm, you tell me.

Because the drama is missing.

Hold on. You haven't seen the news about the ketchup guy and me doing the rounds?

Vijay ji, I've seen it.

And that negative perception must change to a positive one.

- Hmm. - But how?

With a clash.

With some jealousy, envy, passion, trash talking.

Like, you guys gotta fight it out, yaar.

You know, like, spice it up! The media loves such stuff, Vijay ji.

So, basically, Malti thinks that if you and I become bitter rivals in public,

if we stage a big conflict, then the story will go viral

and media attention will grow.

Because of which you'll get your sponsorship back.

- [Malta] Exactly. - But how will it help--

Don't worry about it.

I'll continue to coach you secretly every day.

There's no harm in trying.

I know, Vijay ji, it's unpleasant for someone your age

to start fighting with people and swearing.

- I get it, you know? - One minute, one minute.

So you're asking me to voluntarily, of my own will, cuss and swear?

I know it's a little hard, but can you?

[chuckles heartily]

Curse? [continues chuckling]

[quirky music playing]

[Vijay continues chuckling]

I'll manage. [continues chuckling]

Come on, guys, come on!

- Yay! - [Malti cheering]

[vlogger] Vijay, Come on!

- Go, Vijay! - Come on, guys!

- Hey, old man! Are your legs even moving? - Everything's moving and shaking, dumbass!

- Mind your own business! - [yelps]

- [grunting] - Go home! Get some electrolytes!

[Malti] Try to get it from another angle.

Come, come, come, come.

Try to get some clear shots from there.

Hey, you tiny little tadpole in a big pond!

This is a race, not a school exam.

Old bones! You're still panting for breath!

Want a lifeboat or you wanna drown here itself?

[lady reporter] This is Neha from Zee 7 News,

reporting live from Victoria Society. It's a battle.

Namaskar, this is Arvind Singh and you are witnessing a clash

between the youngest and the oldest triathletes.

This is a battle, the likes of which you've never seen

nor ever heard of before.

- Just look at us. - [all chuckling]

"Child is the father of man."

But here both child and man are ready to throttle each other.

[both mock growling]

- Hello, sir! - Hi.

Please come. That way.

[Vijay] You little lizard cub, you pig hatchling,

you slippery snake puppy!

Hey! Save your vocabulary for your doctor, okay?

- You're going to need him soon! - What did you say?

Hey!

- [reporters clamoring] - [camera shutters clicking]

[whistles, twitters]

[Aditya] Come on, that's good, yeah!

Go, go, go, Vijay! Very nice, very nice.

- [Vijay grunts, wheezing] - [Aditya] Yeah.

Okay. Let's go, one more lap. Come, come.

- [Aditya] Come on, come on, Vijay, push. - [Vijay grunts]

- [straining] I can't do it… - Push, push!

Come on! Clear the slope, clear the slope. Yeah!

You have to do it.

- Clear the slope! - [grunts]

- You can do it. - [Vijay groans]

[Vijay grunts]

- [Aditya] Are you okay? - [wheezing]

- No problem, we'll try again, huh? - [wheezes]

Hashtag Vijay versus Aditya!

This hashtag has caused a sensation all over the internet.

So what do you think? Who is going to win this trophy in the end? Vijay or Aditya?

- Well done, Malati! Malati! - [chuckles]

Saras rhinoceros, the plan is working.

Hashtag Vijay vs Aditya.

So what if we're from the same colony?

I'm the only one in this race, no contest. Look at his age.

This kind of mosquito deserves a place

not on top of a cycle but under one's feet.

You have a booking there, old man.

Six feet under the ground. Stay six yards away from me.

See? He doesn't have any manners, the bloody chutiya, sorry!

Now he has a problem with my upbringing?

Hashtag Vijay vs Aditya.

For more updates on this unique intra-colony battle,

click on the bell icon of my channel. You got it right. Shock-a-locka Baby.

Aerodynamic position.

So the lower you bend, the lesser the wind resistance.

Go! Wo-ho, Vijay! Too good!

Clean entry, pull back, exit.

Clean entry, pull back, exit.

[Aditya grunts]

One week! In one week, the judges will decide

who stands as the final victor on the triathlon battlefield.

[whistles, twittering]

- [audience applauding] - [Mrs. Bakshi] Please sit down.

Everyone at the back, sit down.

A mother and a nurse. What do they both have in common? Hmm?

Tell me, tell me. Huh?

- Huh? - You tell us.

- [Mrs. Bakshi] Alright, I'll tell you. - [scoffs]

The only thing they really want is for their kids to be healthy

and happy, right?

So whether it is Mr. Goenka's mummy or dear Vijay ji,

I've looked after them like they're my own. Hmm.

If I ever come across this Goenka fellow,

- I'm gonna shove a rod up his ass. - Stay calm.

- Stay calm. - 100% I'm going to do that.

- Mrs. Bakshi, statement please. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, Killer Wheels.

Killer Wheels! [clears throat]

- Killer Wheels is proud to present… - Finally.

…this custom-made bike to Vijay Matthew

and appoints him as their brand ambassador!

A big hand!

- Come up. - Vijay! Vijay! Vijay!

[audience continues applauding]

Woah!

Vijay! Vijay! Vijay! Vijay! Vijay!

[audience applauding, whistling]

[man] Come on, Vijay!

- One minute. - It's okay. I'm fine.

- [Fali] Saras rhinoceros! - [audience applauding]

- [audience] Vijay! Vijay! Vijay! - [audience whistling]

[Vijay's friends] ♪ He's our colony hero He's our colony hero ♪

Hats off, huh, Vijay!

This cycle looks really good on you.

- Arey, I look great on the cycle. - That I don't know!

- Killer cycle! - [Fali roars]

Vijay, we've taken permission from our wives.

- Hmm. - Bhai, we're coming to watch your race.

- Yeah! - Yeah! [laughing]

Enthu idiots!

Oh! Did someone just fart?

Hey, Rakesh, just shut your mouth, okay?

It's not me, it's his luck that's gone down the toilet.

- It finally ran out. - Meaning?

I mean, the press guy he had beaten up

has gone and pulled out all his old medical reports.

- Huh? - So the Committee consulted me,

and I did my duty like a good doctor should.

- What did you do? - Go ask the Committee. It's game over.

- I'm sure they'll ask you-- - Are you mad?

- Hey Vijay! - Stop him! He'll get another heart attack!

Get a hold of him! Or he'll be in the hospital again.

- Get out! Just get lost! - Bloody moron!

- We'll handle him. Out! - How're you going to handle?

Bloody scoundrel!

Sir, that wasn't a heart attack scare.

I'd eaten too much butter chicken and I had a little bit of gas.

But, Mr. Mathew, your medical report here shows

that you had chest pain and cardiac symptoms.

Sir, I've been practicing and training for four months

for this triathlon, sir.

I even managed to get the doctor's no objection certificate

and submitted it to you, sir. Don't get rid of me in this way, please!

Vijay ji, it's you who must get rid of this obsessive ambition of yours.

- There's no place for this at your stage-- - Wadhwa ji.

- Wadhwa ji - What?

- One minute. - Yes.

- Let me clarify this. - Yes, please, please, please.

Mr. Ranjit…

Did I not ask him for his prior hospitalization

and health risk records in front of you?

- Yes, you did. - Ranjit, you know the truth.

Vijay, it's in the rules.

I'm sorry.

But, but when nothing's happened to me, how can you-- ?

Look, Mr. Mathew, our current medical consultant

has reanalyzed all your medical reports.

- Sir, if-- - And it's his opinion that

it was a minor heart attack.

What I'm trying to say is, if you show it to a neutral doctor,

- he might give you another opinion. - Mr. Mathew,

he was your family doctor for 15 years!

Yes, I agree, he was my family doctor for 15 years.

But more importantly, he's your close friend.

- [Sunil] Mr. Mathew… - I don't want to get into that--

Mr. Mathew, you are 69 years old!

Why? I don't feel 69, sir! Why do everybody…

- Why does everybody say I'm 69? - [Sunil] Mr. Mathew…

- Mr. Math-- - Sir, please, I just want a chance, sir.

- Please, sir, I beg of you. - Mr. Mathew, listen.

The final list of participants is out.

And you're 30 years too late.

[voice trembling] Sir, I'm just asking for one single chance please.

I'm sorry.

[pensive music playing]

- [melancholic music playing] - [inhales]

[keys jingling]

[exhales]

[melancholic music continues]

[inhales, exhales deeply]

[sobs]

[sobbing loudly, bawling]

[sobbing continues]

[melancholic music continues]

[music fades]

[birds chirping]

[Deeksha, voice shaking] Do you remember the day Mamma was diagnosed with cancer?

You left your Delhi Nationals and rushed back here.

And she was so mad at you.

Because she felt that finally that year you were fully prepared for it.

She felt guilty about it all her life.

[distressed tone] "I snatched your father's dream away from him!"

If only she'd known the truth about you.

If only she'd known about how irritating and stubborn you are.

And not just your dreams, you don't give up on anything.

You were a swimmer once, so you won't give up.

Fever, injury, shortage of funds, zero results.

[pensive music playing]

But nothing stopped you…

from chasing your dreams…

and from taking care of Mamma…

[sniffles]

[voice trembling] from taking care of all my childish demands.

[inhales, exhales deeply]

And look even today with a half-broken back

and zero logical brain cells…

you're crying over that stupid triathlon?

No matter how the world remembers you, Papa…

for me, you will always be a winner.

Because those who never accept defeat…

can never lose.

[sobbing softly]

You never give up, Papa.

[sobbing] You never give up.

And for that, [voice trembling] I'll always,

always be proud of you.

[Deeksha sniffling]

[sniffling]

[music intensifies]

[music fades]

[birds chirping]

Vijay, tell me for the very last time,

are you sure you want to go watch this triathlon? Hm?

Fali, Aditya has really helped me a lot.

And today is a very big day for him.

I really want to go.

[seatbelt clicks]

[Mrs. Bakshi] I wouldn't have been able to do it.

Proud of you, Vijay.

[grunts] Okay.

- Let's go. - Come on.

[engine starts]

[pensive music playing]

[athletes chattering indistinctly]

[melancholic music playing]

[chattering, laughing]

[music continues]

[indistinct exchanges]

[music slows down]

- [conversation muted] - [music resumes]

[mouths] Thanks for coming.

Guys and girls!

- Welcome to the Bergman triathlon! - [athletes cheering]

Come on, guys, let's take a selfie!

[athletes cheering, whistling]

- Hey, Vijay! Hey, Fali! - Hey!

- Hey! There they are, there they are. - [indistinct announcement]

I feel really bad about what happened. That bloody doctor spoiled the show.

He totally did.

Vijay, I'm so, sorry.

- Me too. - But you know what?

- You're the coolest for trying. - Thank you.

[sirens blaring]

[sirens continue blaring]

[engine whirring]

[announcer] Everyone, a big round of applause to welcome our chief guest

who has come here specially to flag off our triathlon event.

Our respected Minister of State

Mr. Abhinav…

Goenka?

- Mrs. Bakshi? - [announcer] …Goenka

Goenka! [laughs]

Hey, I know him very well.

- Yeah, you know everyone. - Goenka! Goenka!

Why's she making such a fuss?

Goenka! Goenka! Parminder!

Goenka! Goenka!

Ma'am, stop. You can't go in, it's the VIP area.

My dear, I know him very well, let me go in.

- Goenka! Goenka, Parminder, Parminder! - [security] Ma'am, please.

[Mrs. Bakshi] Goenka, it's me, Parminder. Recognized me?

Your mummy's nurse.

- Arey, Parminder. - Yes, yes, yes.

Let her in. Come in. Come in.

Hm. You see? Step aside.

[chuckles]

- How are you? After a long time. - [Mrs. Bakshi] I'm good, how are you?

- Hey, Mrs. Bakshi's on TV! [laughing] - Oh!

- [suspenseful music playing] - [conversation muted]

- [suspenseful music continues] - [conversation muted]

Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you.

- Thank you. - Take care. And come again, yeah?

Yeah, of course. Of course.

Arey, move! Move, move! Hurry up, hurry up!

Hurry up, hurry up!

[chuckles, exhales]

In just two minutes,

Sunil Saxena will be handing over Vijay's registration number to us!

- It's happening! [chuckles] - [in Hindi] Arey baap re!

- [in English] This was your Goenka? - Yeah!

- Minister Goenka? - Yes! Yes!

And you were going to shove a rod up his ass.

Arey, yes, yes! This is the same Goenka.

My crazy fan!

He's been in the government for years.

In the last reshuffle, he became a minister.

I didn't know.

- I'd lost touch in the last ten-- - But what did you say to him?

All I told him was that Vijay Mathew has been training for the last four months

- to set a new all-India record. - [voice trembling] Yes, yes!

[Mrs. Bakshi] Right? And he is medically fit.

And he has already submitted a certificate

- proving his medical fitness. - Yes!

But that Sunil Saxena! Two-faced old toad! He's carrying out a personal vendetta!

Mrs. Bakshi, what is happening now?

Vijay Mathew, you are in the triathlon.

- [Fali yelps] - [Mrs. Bakshi] Yes!

You're going to run, swim, you're going to ride and you're going to rock.

- [Fali] Go Vijay, have a blast! - [Mrs. Bakshi chuckles]

- Go Vijay, kick somebody. - [Mrs. Bakshi] Okay, enough, enough!

First you need to get some swimming trunks.

We have only 15 minutes left!

[voice trembling] Mrs. Bakshi…

you are the world's best caretaker.

Ah! [gasps]

Okay, enough, enough, please.

Now go and get yourself registered.

- Go! Yes! - [all] Yeah!

Hats off, Mrs. Bakshi, kudos.

- Joginder, your phone. - [Joginder] Take it.

Thank you.

[male announcer] Ladies and gentleman,

please give a warm welcome to yourselves at the Bergman Triathlon!

I am your host and your male commentator, Narendra,

and with me is Aarti, the female commentator.

Thank you, Narendra. I would have introduced myself, but…

Hi guys, I'm Aarti, and we're all set to go!

[Narendra] Oh wow, what a crowd, what energy, what gloss!

[pensive music playing]

[crowd applauding]

- [pensive music continues] - [crowd cheering, whistling indistinctly]

[music intensifies, crescendos, fades]

[Aarti] In the middle of all the glamour,

standing at the starting line with hope in their eyes

are our talented triathletes.

[dramatic music playing]

[athletes, spectators cheering]

And off we go!

The first leg of the triathlon is a one-and-a-half-kilometer swim.

Exactly! You know what?

First, they're full of beans. Then they're on oxygen machines.

[Narendra laughing]

[dramatic music continues]

- [music continues] - [Fali mouthing in Gujarati] Smash it!

Hey, everyone's wearing the same cap. Which one is Vijay?

Arey, Fali, can you see those two boys? He's behind them!

- Yeah! - Vijay's there!

- Oh, there he is! Yay! - Vijay! Vijay!

[Aarti] The focus today is on 69-year-old Vijay Mathew

and 18-year-old Aditya Jaiswal,

who are trying to be the oldest and youngest Indians

- to complete a triathlon and, ohh! - [Narendra] Ohh!

And just as you said that

Aditya Jaiswal got hit on the face.

- He is struggling. - [all exclaiming]

He is losing balance.

- He is going down. - [water sloshing]

[Aditya] Help!

He-Help! Hey! Help!

- Help! - [exhales]

[grunting, gasping]

[gurgling]

[slow hopeful music playing]

Everyone's swimming towards the finish line,

but uncle wants to start again?

They're going here, he's going there. Is he confused? Hey, uncle!

- My boy. That's my boy, Vijay! - Hey!

- [water gurgling] - [Aditya gasping]

[Aarti] A beautiful example of sportsmanship.

Vijay Mathew and Aditya Jaiswal, who were rivals till now,

are giving each other a helping hand.

[Fali] What a hero!

He's our hero!

Vijay!

- Doctor. - Huh?

He just won everyone's heart. [laughing]

[slow, hopeful music playing]

Hey, let's go there. The swimming is almost over.

Vineet, Vijay's cycle isn't here yet. Give me your phone quickly.

- You guys go ahead, I'll join you. - Okay, come on.

[Aarti] And in the 45th position is none other than Vijay Mathew,

who looks tired, but hopefully hasn't given up.

[crowd cheering]

[panting heavily]

That old man's gone ahead of you. You're useless.

Now go!

[Aarti] The competitors are steeling themselves for the 40-km-cycling leg

that is about to begin.

[Fali] Vijay, Vijay, come here! Come here! Over here!

- Hey, Kishore, Biswajeet… - Brought the whole cheering squad for you!

Here, take your cycle.

- And put on your sponsor jersey quickly. - Okay.

- Come on, come on, quickly! - Hurry up! Hurry up!

[Narendra] Cycling is fine, Aarti.

But when they are hit by a cyclone of pain and exhaustion,

then we will see what the competitors are capable of.

[upbeat music playing]

[upbeat music continues]

[volunteer 1] Come on! [volunteer 2] Come on!

[volunteer 1] Keep yourself hydrated.

[Vijay] Rummy player? Garba dancer? Debate champion in the 10th grade?

Bloody I died and this is what you chose to write about me?

[volunteer] Come on, pull, pull, pull!

Come on, come on, push! Good, good going!

[panting]

Hey, where's Vijay? Where is he?

- Can't see him. - Not able to see him.

- Can you see him? - No, no, I can't see him.

- [Sunny] So what do you do? - [Vijay] Oh, I-I was a swimming coach.

[Sunny] But, uh, what was your main job all these years?

[panting]

[groaning]

[groaning, exhaling deeply]

[panting, wheezing deeply]

Body position low.

To reduce wind resistance.

Come on, Vijay!

Not gonna listen to your coach?

Come on, come on, Vijay!

Good!

Vijay, look at me.

- I'll see you at the finish line. Okay? - [Vijay] Yeah.

Okay.

[inspirational music playing]

[Sunil] Mr. Mathew, Mr. Mathew, you are 69 years old.

[Rajan] If something happens to him, then who will be responsible?

Just see, he's not fit.

God knows where he is.

Hey, there he is, there he is!

- Yeah, that's him. - Vijay!

- Hey, stop, stop, stop! - Vijay!

[Akhil] Mummy, quick, hurry up.

- [Akhil] Nanu! Nanu! - [Deeksha] Papa.

- [Abhimanyu] Come on, Dad! - Come on, Nanu, you can do it.

- Nanu, come on! - Come on!

- Come on! - Vijay!

[grunting]

[Aarti] The slope, ladies and gentlemen,

that which separates the men from the boys.

[Narendra] The ascent, a steep impediment,

where the ride is rough, but champions remain tough,

while the rest cry, "Enough!

Enough! Enough!"

- [Deeksha] Papa. - [vlogger] Come on, Vijay!

[Deeksha] Papa, you can do it, come on!

Papa! Come on!

[Fali] Vijay! Hey everybody, quiet! Please calm down.

Let him breathe.

[exhales deeply]

[panting]

- [Vijay breathing deeply] - [whispers] Papa.

[slow, pensive music playing]

[cycle chains rattling]

[exhales]

Hey, you've got headphones, right?

Abhishek, give me your phone, I want to download a song.

- Quickly! Quickly! - [Mrs. Bakshi whimpers]

- [strains] - [tires crunching sand and gravel]

[spectators cheering indistinctly]

- He's moving! He's moving! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

- Vijay! - Vijay! Vijay! Vijay! Vijay!

Come on, Vijay!

- [straining, groaning] - [indistinct cheering]

[Mrs. Bakshi] Go! Go! Come on!

[Akhil] Yes! Nanu! Yes!

- [Deeksha] Papa! - [Fali] Vijay!

[Akhil] You can do it!

- Papa! - Vijay!

You can do it. Come on!

I know you can do it.

[Abhimanyu] You can do it.

- [Deeksha] Come on, Papa. - [Akhil] You can do it!

- [Abhimanyu] Dad! Come on! - [Deeksha] I know you can, Papa, come on.

- Papa, I know you can. - Come on!

You can definitely do it. I know you can. Papa, come on!

[Vijay groaning]

[wheezing]

[grunting]

[exhales]

[Vijay panting]

[Abhimanyu] Dad, come on!

Yes, Dad. Come on!

[Deeksha] Papa, this slope is the last difficult part.

- You can do it! - [Abhimanyu] Come on!

- [Deeksha] Come on! - [Akhil] You can do it!

- [Deeksha] Papa! - Vijay…

[exhales]

- One second. Put this on. - Why?

Just put them on! Wear!

Come on.

Now close your eyes.

- Take a deep breath. - [inhales deeply]

And listen to it.

[woman in Hindi] ♪ What will be You can never know ♪

♪ What used to be you can never know ♪

♪ All that can be… ♪

[in English] Do it for Anna.

[woman in Hindi] ♪ …Is this moment now ♪

[sniffles]

[in English] Go for it!

[Kishore] Come on!

Yes!

- [in Gujarati] Smash it! - [friends cheering]

[cheers echoing]

[Mrs. Bakshi in English] Come on, Vijay!

[in Gujarati] Vijay! Smash it!

[woman in Hindi] ♪ What will be You can never know ♪

♪ What used to be you can never know ♪

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪

♪ What will be you can never know ♪

♪ What used to be you can never know ♪

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪

♪ Unknown shadows ♪

♪ Are camped along the path ♪

♪ Unknown arms ♪

♪ Reach and grasp us all ♪

♪ This moment is light ♪

♪ All else is darkness ♪

♪ Don't let it slip ♪

♪ This moment is all that's yours ♪

♪ You who live, you must decide ♪

♪ This is the moment To fulfill your heart's desire ♪

[in English] There! He's coming!

[spectators cheering, whistling]

Hurry up! Arey, come on!

[panting]

[Aarti] Ladies and gentlemen, this is a new record!

Aditya Jaiswal, the youngest Indian to complete a triathlon!

[lively, upbeat music playing]

[spectators cheering, whistling]

[music fades]

[silence]

[wind whooshing]

[woman in Hindi] ♪ The magic of this moment ♪

♪ Makes our meeting sublime ♪

♪ The warmth of this moment Sets hearts racing ♪

♪ In the presence of this moment ♪

♪ The world belongs to us ♪

♪ When you look upon this moment ♪

♪ It shines brighter than history ♪

♪ You who live, you must decide ♪

♪ This is the moment To fulfill your heart's desire ♪

♪ What will be you can never know ♪

♪ What used to be, you can never know ♪

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪

[buoyant music playing]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

- [music continues] - [conversation muted]

[mouths in English] One picture, please.

[woman in Hindi] ♪ In the shelter of this moment ♪

♪ Is where we reside ♪

♪ Beyond this moment ♪

♪ Everything's a story ♪

♪ Who can see tomorrow? ♪

♪ Who can know tomorrow? ♪

♪ In this moment You will find all that you seek ♪

♪ You who live, you must decide ♪

♪ This is the moment To fulfill your heart's desire ♪

♪ What will be you can never know ♪

♪ What used to be you can never know ♪

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪

[camera shutter clicks]

♪ All that can be is this moment now ♪