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1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,472
"LAST MAN STANDING"
IS RECORDED
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,973
IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:06,974
[ ALARM BEEPS ]
4
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,642
WHAT DID I DO?
5
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,744
OH, THAT'S THE NEW SECURITY
SYSTEM CHUCK LARABEE INSTALLED.
6
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,147
JUST PUNCH 6-2-2-6-2.
7
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,149
IT'S EASY TO REMEMBER,
IT SPELLS "OBAMA."
8
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,817
THAT'S REAL FUNNY,
HONEY.
9
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,019
HAVING OBAMA PROTECT US
FROM BURGLARS,
10
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:21,189
CAN'T EVEN KEEP PUTIN
OUT OF CRIMEA.
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,393
SOMEONE'S
GOT A NEW BENGHAZI.
12
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,828
BENGHAZI'S
NOT OVER YET.
YEAH.
13
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,530
SWEETIE,
HOW WAS YOUR SLEEPOVER?
14
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,099
AWESOME.
GRANDPA'S RIGHT.
15
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,733
THE HOUSE
GETS SO PEACEFUL
16
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,602
ONCE ALL THE HENS
GO TO SLEEP.
17
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,905
WHAT TIME
DID HE GO TO BED?
18
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,574
EARLIER THAN USUAL.
THEY MOVED KIMMEL TO 11:30.
19
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:43,911
WE WATCHED TV
AND ORGANIZED OUR MEAT.
20
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,115
WOW, HE WATCHES TV
THE SAME WAY YOU DO.
21
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,683
I'M PREPARING
OUR FIRST BARBECUE.
22
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,752
BURGERS, CHICKEN, LAMB,
AND BRISKET.
23
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,554
MMM. SOUNDS LIKE
THE DELICIOUS REMAINS
24
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,056
OF A DRONE STRIKE
ON NOAH'S ARK.
25
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,226
UH, WHAT ABOUT TOFU,
HMM?
26
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,693
I'M SURE
MRS. NOAH WANTED IT,
27
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,829
BUT GOD SAID,
"NOT ON THIS CRUISE."
28
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,698
THEN WHAT IS AUNT APRIL
GONNA EAT?
29
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,101
AUNT APRIL?
IS THAT THIS WEEKEND?
30
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,769
YEP.
IT'S ON THE CALENDAR.
31
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,139
I SCRATCHED IT OUT
AND PUT "FIRST BARBECUE."
32
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,606
WELL, THAT DOESN'T
MAKE IT GO AWAY.
33
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:14,942
I'VE BEEN TALKING
TO HER FOR A WEEK.
34
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,944
SHE IS REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS VISIT.
YEAH.
35
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,579
DOES SHE HAVE TO COME
IN THE HOUSE?
36
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:19,980
WE COULD JUST LEAVE
A BAG OF CASH
37
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,449
OUT ON THE FRONT PORCH.
OH, HONEY.
38
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,083
YOU KNOW, MAYBE
SHE'S NOT COMING FOR MONEY.
39
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,385
MAYBE SHE MISSES ME.
40
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,454
IF I OFFERED HER
400 BUCKS TO VISIT
41
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,123
OR $410 NOT TO VISIT,
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'D TAKE.
42
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,726
UH, I'LL LEAVE RIGHT NOW
FOR $200.
43
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,061
I THOUGHT
WE WERE GOING ANYWAY?
44
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,730
SHH.
BOYD, MOMMY'S WORKING.
45
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:39,633
NOBODY'S GETTING MONEY FOR
LEAVING THIS HOUSE UNTIL I DO,
46
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,001
AND THEN I'M TAKING HALF.
47
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,606
-- Captions by VITAC --
48
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,946
AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.
CHUCK LARABEE.
HEY.
49
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,283
WOW. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING AROUND HERE?
50
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:56,450
LOOKING
FOR SLEEPING BAGS?
51
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,186
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU FOLKS
WERE INTO CAMPING.
52
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,456
OH, "WE FOLKS" LOVE
TO SPEND TIME IN THE WOODS.
53
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,759
PLOTTING, PLANNING.
YOU'LL SEE.
54
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,296
I MEANT YOU MARINES.
55
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:09,863
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WERE INTO CAMPING
56
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,299
AFTER SPENDING ALL THAT TIME
IN GULF ONE.
57
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,467
OH, I'M SURE
THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT.
58
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,370
YOU TURN EVERYTHING
INTO A RACE THING.
OH.
59
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:19,006
MAKES IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE
TO INSULT YOU PERSONALLY.
60
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:21,309
[ SCOFFS ]
NEVER STOPS YOU FROM TRYING.
61
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:24,178
HEY. YOU MIGHT GET MORE
PEOPLE OF COLOR IN THIS STORE
62
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,479
IF YOU HIRED A FEW.
63
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,215
YOU KNOW, YOUR EMPLOYEES
LOOK LIKE
64
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,483
THE CAST OF THAT
"HILLBILLY HANDFISHIN'" SHOW.
65
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:32,553
YOU KNOW, WE SELL
RODS AND REELS HERE
66
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,789
AND DON'T REALLY LIKE DOING
THAT HANDFISHING IDEA.
67
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,559
I MEAN, WHAT'S NEXT?
DEER STRANGLING?
68
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:41,061
IF THERE'S A STUPID WAY
TO HUNT ANIMALS,
69
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,564
I'M SURE YOU FOLKS
WILL GET RIGHT ON IT.
70
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,333
WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH?
71
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,134
I'M JUST
LOOKING AT FLASHLIGHTS.
72
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,304
OH, WE'VE GOT A GREAT DISPLAY
DOWN AT CAMPING.
73
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,405
TAKE THE HALLWAY DOWN,
74
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:52,473
THEN YOU'LL SEE
A BIG, STUFFED GRIZZLY BEAR.
75
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,641
IF YOU SEE
A REAL GRIZZLY BEAR,
76
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,842
YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR.
77
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,176
HUH.
78
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,712
THAT'S YOUR FRIEND CHUCK?
79
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:01,682
HE'S NOT MY FRIEND.
WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP
MAKING THAT MISTAKE?
80
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,984
WELL, 'CAUSE YOU GUYS
GO BACK AND FORTH LIKE WE DO,
81
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:04,985
AND WE'RE FRIENDS.
82
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:05,953
SHUT UP, KYLE.
83
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,089
SEE? ZING-ZANG!
84
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,090
I'M GLAD TO SEE CHUCK.
85
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,659
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO REACH MORE
86
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,160
OF THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN
MARKET.
87
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,663
WELL, LET'S NOT START
WITH CHUCK.
88
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,665
IF HE HAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE,
MAYBE HE'LL TELL HIS FRIENDS.
89
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,100
KYLE, I WANT YOU
TO TREAT MR. LARABEE
90
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,769
LIKE HE OWNS THE STORE.
91
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,272
YOU MEAN GIVE HIM THE FRIENDLY
RIBBING LIKE I DO WITH YOU GUYS?
92
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,274
SHUT UP, KYLE.
93
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:28,576
HOW DO I KEEP
WALKING INTO THAT?
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, ED.
94
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,211
YEAH, I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW
MR. LARABEE AROUND
95
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,947
AND TREAT HIM LIKE HE'S
DIFFERENT THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.
96
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,082
Mike: GIVE HIM
A LOT OF ATTENTION.
OKAY.
97
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,750
[ CHUCKLES ]
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
98
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,552
IF WE GIVE HIM
TOO MUCH ATTENTION,
99
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,220
HE MIGHT TAKE IT
THE WRONG WAY.
100
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:42,256
WELL, IF HE DOESN'T,
IT WON'T BE FUNNY.
101
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,964
EXCUSE ME.
CAN I HELP YOU?
102
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,933
NO, I'M GOOD.
103
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,435
YOU FINDING
EVERYTHING YOU NEED?
104
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,736
I'M FINE.
105
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,838
JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I KNOW EVERYTHING IN THE STORE,
106
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,806
WHERE IT IS,
AND HOW MANY OF THEM WE HAVE.
107
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:35,643
GOOD TO KNOW.
108
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,611
CAN I HELP YOU
FIND ANYTHING SPECIFIC?
109
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,112
LIKE I SAID, I'M FINE.
110
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,514
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WANT YOU
TO SPEND
111
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,350
ANY MORE TIME HERE THAN YOU
ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.
112
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,119
RIGHT.
113
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,254
DO YOU MIND MY ASKING
114
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,323
WHY I'M GETTING
ALL THIS SPECIAL ATTENTION?
115
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:50,691
NOT AT ALL, SIR.
116
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,828
WHY AM I GETTING
ALL THIS SPECIAL ATTENTION?
117
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,296
OH, THE TOP BRASS SAID
118
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,599
FOR ME TO STAY
RIGHT ON TOP OF YOU.
119
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,167
IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK.
120
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,875
YOU KNOW,
MANDY BAXTER FASHIONS
121
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,877
IS NOT JUST
ABOUT MANDY BAXTER.
122
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,714
IT'S ABOUT HELPING PLAIN GIRLS
LOOK LIKE MANDY BAXTER.
123
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,717
HONEY, PLAIN GIRLS DON'T REALLY
LIKE BEING CALLED PLAIN.
124
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,851
I'M SORRY, MOM.
125
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,887
I KEEP FORGETTING
HOW SENSITIVE YOU ARE.
126
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,292
WELL, AUNT APRIL'S HERE,
AND OFF TO A GREAT START.
127
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,961
PARKED RIGHT IN DAD'S SPOT.
HE'S GONNA BE --
128
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,130
HI!
[ SQUEALS ]
[ SQUEALS ]
129
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,298
OH!
130
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,833
LOOK
AT THE THREE OF YOU!
131
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,469
YOU'RE LIKE THE MORE BEAUTIFUL
CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
132
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,070
OOOH.
WELL, I CALL FARRAH.
133
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:40,240
NO, JACLYN SMITH.
NO, CAMERON DIAZ.
134
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,642
WHICH ANGEL AM I?
135
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:42,676
CHARLIE.
136
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,480
I LIKE IT. SMART ONE
SURROUNDED BY BIMBOS.
137
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:47,548
SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
138
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,682
OH.
MM.
139
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,150
COME ON IN. SIT.
140
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,919
LET'S CATCH UP.
HOW'S YOUR LIFE?
141
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,487
YOU KNOW, PRETTY GREAT.
142
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,423
BRAD AND I
ARE BACK TOGETHER.
143
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,157
MM.
FOR NOW.
144
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,926
I HAVEN'T CHECKED
MY E-MAIL.
145
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,894
AND, UH, WHAT HAPPENED
146
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,830
WITH THAT CLOTHING STORE
YOU OPENED?
147
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,932
OH, YEAH. THE BIG AND TALL
SHOP FOR WOMEN.
148
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,134
OH, MANLY GAL.
149
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:11,705
WE WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.
I LOST A BUNDLE.
150
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,808
BUT I MET A TON
OF SWEET TRANSVESTITES.
151
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,244
HEY.
152
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:18,946
MIKE!
HI!
153
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,948
OH!
[ GRUNTS ]
154
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:25,553
OHH! I CAN'T FEEL
MY LOWER EXTREMITIES.
155
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:29,056
HOW IS EVERYONE'S
FAVORITE OUTDOOR MAN?
156
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,791
WELL,
WISHING HE WAS OUTDOORS.
157
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,527
SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU?
158
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,963
OH, IT JUST FEELS GREAT
TO GET OUT OF BOULDER.
159
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,631
YEAH,
WELCOME BACK TO AMERICA.
160
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,933
DAD, APRIL WAS JUST CATCHING US
UP ON HER AWESOME LIFE.
161
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,135
IT'S LIKE
A KATE HUDSON ROM-COM.
162
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,872
OHH, I SHOULD TAKE THIS CALL
IN THE DEN.
163
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,306
HEY,
YOUR PHONE DIDN'T RING.
164
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,641
JUST LET ME GO.
165
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,880
WELL, APRIL,
GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE.
166
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,982
IF I DON'T SEE YOU AGAIN,
HAVE A NICE TRIP.
167
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,952
YOU'RE FUNNY.
YOU'LL SEE ME AGAIN.
168
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,889
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I-I'M PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.
169
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,257
COME ON.
I GOT SOME WINE IN THE KITCHEN.
170
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,927
OH, UM, I MIGHT HAVE DONE SOME
COOKING WITH THAT LAST NIGHT.
171
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,662
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
172
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,333
HEY, LARABEE.
COME ON IN.
173
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,469
VERY FUNNY, BAXTER.
174
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:18,271
HAVING A SALESMAN FOLLOW ME
THROUGH THE STORE.
175
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,341
PROFILING HUMOR --
NOT COOL.
176
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,678
YEAH,
SO, I DON'T GET IT.
177
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:27,280
IF A TAXI WON'T PICK YOU UP,
YOU'RE PISSED.
MM.
178
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:30,117
IF YOU GET TOO MUCH ATTENTION
IN MY STORE, YOU'RE PISSED.
179
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,653
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK
YOU JUST LIKE BEING PISSED.
180
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:35,789
IF YOU LIVED IN MY SKIN,
YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
181
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,358
IF I LIVED IN YOUR SKIN,
IT'D BE KIND OF BAGGY ON ME.
182
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:44,331
I KNOW AT LEAST ONE PART OF ME
YOU'D BE SWIMMING IN.
183
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,302
SO, WHAT'S UP NEXT
FOR MY GORGEOUS KID SISTER?
184
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,471
I'VE KIND OF HIT
A POINT IN MY LIFE
185
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,541
WHERE I WANT
TO GET MORE GROUNDED.
186
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,676
YOU KNOW,
COMMIT TO SOMETHING REAL.
187
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,778
AH. APRIL, I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.
GOOD FOR YOU.
188
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,713
SO I'M GONNA HAVE A BABY.
189
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,951
WHAT?!
190
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,119
A BABY?
191
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,221
LIKE, ON PURPOSE?
192
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,390
YOU'RE PREGNANT?
193
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,458
OH, HECK NO.
194
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,994
APPARENTLY
THAT WINDOW IS CLOSED.
195
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,530
SLAMMED SHUT
RIGHT ON MY UTERUS.
196
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,032
BUT THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE.
197
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,668
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
198
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,470
MANDY, NOT A FACTOR.
199
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,706
I'M NOT GONNA
LET THAT STOP ME.
200
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,809
SEE, I CAN BUY A DONOR EGG
FOR LIKE 6 GRAND,
201
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:33,146
WHICH I DON'T
TOTALLY HAVE, SO...
202
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:36,149
Y-YOU KNOW, I THINK
THERE MIGHT BE A BAG OF CASH
203
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,918
FOR YOU
ON THE FRONT PORCH.
204
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,394
APRIL HAVING A BABY
205
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,262
IS THE STUPIDEST IDEA
I'VE EVER HEARD.
206
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,231
SHH!
SHE'S IN KRISTIN'S ROOM.
207
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,265
OH, I FORGOT.
208
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,903
STUPIDEST IDEA
I'VE EVER HEARD!
209
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,237
YOU KNOW,
WHEN WE STARTED A FAMILY,
210
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,438
WE DIDN'T
HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
211
00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,607
WHEN WE STARTED A FAMILY,
212
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,609
IT DIDN'T INVOLVE A SYRINGE
AND A PETRI DISH.
213
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,711
YOU KNOW, WE HAD
SOME OF THE ANSWERS.
214
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,279
NO, I HAD THE ANSWERS
AND YOU JUST COPIED OFF OF ME.
215
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,547
APRIL IS 40.
216
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,416
HONEY, THIS COULD BE
HER LAST SHOT.
217
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,450
THAT'S RIGHT.
218
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,519
SOCIETY ALMOST MADE
A CLEAN GETAWAY.
219
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,454
LISTEN,
IF SHE HAD THAT KID,
220
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,456
WE'D HAVE
TO TAKE CARE OF IT,
221
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,792
UNLESS BRAD AND ANGELINA
WANTED IT.
222
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,695
YEAH. NO, I KNOW.
YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.
223
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,296
OH, I'M RIGHT.
GOSH.
224
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,633
I GUESS NOT EVERYBODY'S
CUT OUT TO BE MOMMIES.
225
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,367
I JUST WANT
TO GIVE MY KID SISTER
226
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,302
THE BENEFIT
OF THE DOUBT.
227
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,639
THAT'S WHAT WE COULD CALL OUR
ANNUAL FUNDRAISER FOR HER --
228
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,006
"THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT."
229
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,412
I FEEL SO LUCKY
HAVING KYLE.
230
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,782
OH, KYLE'S THE ONE
WHO'S LUCKY.
231
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:45,285
IN EVERY YOUNG MAN'S LIFE,
THERE IS A MANDY BAXTER.
232
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,154
IT'S USUALLY
MANDY BAXTER.
233
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,826
YOU KNOW WHAT? I FEEL
REALLY LUCKY TO HAVE BRAD.
234
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,928
I'M JUST HOPING
THAT HAVING THIS BABY
235
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,596
WILL GET HIM
TO SETTLE DOWN.
236
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:57,765
YEAH, YEAH.
237
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,499
IF THERE'S ONE SIREN CALL
A MAN CAN'T RESIST,
238
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,334
IT'S A CRYING BABY.
239
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,171
YOU KNOW,
WHEN I GOT PREGNANT,
240
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,940
RYAN DISAPPEARED
FOR THREE YEARS.
241
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,575
WELL, RYAN WAS YOUNG.
242
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,144
BRAD'S MORE STABLE.
HE'S IN A BAND.
243
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:14,682
OH, YEAH. ROCK ON.
244
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,752
BRAD WOULD BE
CRAZY TO LEAVE YOU.
245
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:22,022
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL,
AND YOU'RE SO TALENTED.
246
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,991
MANDY, HONEY,
CAN YOU GIVE US A SEC?
247
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:24,992
OH, YEAH, SURE.
248
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,794
OH, MANDY AND I
HAVE NO SECRETS.
249
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,129
AH, WELL, CONSIDERING
YOUR YEAR AS A CARNY,
250
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,163
THAT'S DISTURBING.
251
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,034
APRIL, UM...
252
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:37,470
LOOK, MIKE AND I HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN WILLING TO HELP YOU,
253
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,808
BUT THIS --
THIS DONOR-EGG PROJECT...
254
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,677
WE JUST DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE
UNDERWRITING IT.
255
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,345
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
256
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,547
IF WE DON'T HELP HER, HOW IS
SHE GONNA START A FAMILY, MOM?
257
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,983
YEAH, I DON'T HAVE
ANYWHERE ELSE TO TURN.
258
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,385
YES, YOU DO.
259
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:57,524
I MEAN, I HAVE EGGS, RIGHT?
260
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,859
I'VE GOT LOTS OF THEM.
261
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,361
UH [CHUCKLES]
SLOW DOWN, MANDY.
262
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,864
IT'S NOT
LOANING HER A SWEATER.
263
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,635
ARE YOU SURE?
264
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,038
UM...YES?
265
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,140
[ BOTH GIGGLE ]
266
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,076
NOW I KNOW THAT MY BABY
WILL BE BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL,
267
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,379
AND YOUR LITTLE, BABY EARS ARE
GONNA SET OFF BRAD'S GIANT ONES.
268
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,215
WAIT, WAIT, W-W-WAIT.
TH-TH-THIS IS A BIG DECISION.
269
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,483
IF IT'S A BOY, TREVOR.
270
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,417
TYLER.
TERRENCE.
271
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,352
DEAL.
[ GASPS ] DEAL.
272
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,920
I HAVE ALWAYS
LOVED THAT NAME.
273
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,189
I'M PRETTY SURE IT WAS ON
BEYONCé'S SHORT LIST.
274
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,359
I HAVE TO GO
CALL KYLE ABOUT THIS.
275
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,529
YOU'RE NOT
SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING
276
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,198
TAKING MANDY UP
ON THIS OFFER.
277
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,167
YOU SAW
HOW HAPPY SHE WAS.
278
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,435
I CAN'T TAKE THAT
AWAY FROM HER.
279
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:43,737
YEAH.
280
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,405
YOU KNOW, SHE'S HAPPY
281
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,607
BECAUSE, CRAZY AS IT SEEMS,
SHE LOOKS UP TO YOU.
282
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,243
OH,
AND W IS THAT CRAZY?
283
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,612
[ SIGHS ]
BECAUSE, APRIL [SIGHS]
284
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,415
I MEAN, YOU'RE IMMATURE AND --
AND MANIPULATIVE,
285
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:58,285
AND...THOSE ARE NOT GOOD
QUALITIES FOR MANDY TO ADMIRE,
286
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,587
AND THEY'RE NOT
GOOD QUALITIES FOR A MOM.
287
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:01,922
OH, RIGHT.
288
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,723
I CAN'T BE A GREAT MOM
289
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,026
'CAUSE I'M NOT A BORING
GROWN-UP WITH A HOUSE
290
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,162
OR A HUSBAND OR A JOB.
291
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,966
ARE -- ARE YOU EVEN
HEARING YOURSELF?
292
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,770
VANESSA, I DON'T WANT
ALL OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE.
293
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,072
I JUST WANT ONE OF THEM.
294
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,540
A CHILD.
295
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,943
OKAY. YOU KNOW, APRIL,
I HELD YOUR HAND
296
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,078
WHEN WE WALKED
TO THE SCHOOL BUS,
297
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,214
AND I WILL NEVER
STOP HOLDING IT,
298
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,782
BUT MANDY IS MY CHILD.
299
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:31,284
AND I'M -- I'M NOT GONNA
LET YOU EXPLOIT HER.
300
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:33,653
WOW.
301
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:37,290
WELL, AT LEAST MANDY
HAS FAITH
302
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,460
THAT I AM RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH
TO HANDLE THIS.
303
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,829
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
304
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:44,497
I NEED TO GET BACK TO BOULDER
BEFORE NIGHTFALL,
305
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,800
BECAUSE I AM DRIVING
ON THE LITTLE TIRE.
306
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,181
[ GUN COCKS ]
307
00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:03,416
HEY. MIKE BAXTER HERE
FOR OUTDOOR MAN.
308
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,119
ALL THIS MONTH,
IT'S SPRING TURKEY SEASON
309
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,787
HERE IN COLORFUL COLORADO.
310
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,256
GOBBLE! GOBBLE!
311
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,424
SITTING OUT HERE
IN THIS POP-UP BLIND
312
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,627
GIVES A HUNTER PLENTY OF TIME
TO THINK ABOUT THE BIG ISSUES.
313
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,263
LIKE BACKGROUND CHECKS.
314
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,764
OH, EASY, MIKE.
315
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,367
EVERYBODY'S PROTECTED
BY THE SECOND AMENDMENT.
316
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,970
NO, NO, NO. I MEANT BACKGROUND
CHECKS BEFORE HAVING A KID.
317
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,637
NOW, YOU DON'T
WANT THE GOVERNMENT
318
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,040
STICKING ITS BIG, FAT NOSE
INTO SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
319
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,276
BUT SOMEBODY
SHOULD DO SOMETHING
320
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,344
ABOUT STUPID PEOPLE
HAVING KIDS.
321
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:34,481
HILLARY CLINTON -- GOSH, MY
FAVORITE WOMAN ON THE PLANET --
322
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:37,985
LIKES TO SAY, "IT TAKES
A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD."
323
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,352
YOU KNOW,
IT REALLY SHOULDN'T.
324
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:43,023
SATISFYING HER HUSBAND,
THAT APPARENTLY TAKES A VILLAGE.
325
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,792
AND NOT
A PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE ONE.
326
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,995
SO, BEFORE YOU DECIDE
TO HAVE A KID,
327
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,629
GIVE YOURSELF
A LITTLE BACKGROUND CHECK.
328
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,365
ASK YOURSELF,
"AM I SHIFTLESS?
329
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,869
AM I A SKANKY DINGBAT
WHO CAN'T HOLD DOWN A JOB?"
330
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,204
IF YOUR ANSWER'S YES,
331
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,739
DO YOURSELF, THE KID,
AND SOCIETY A FAVOR
332
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,574
AND GO HUNTING INSTEAD.
333
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:04,544
RATHER THAN ADDING
ANOTHER TURKEY TO THIS WORLD,
334
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,645
TRY TAKING ONE OUT.
335
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,679
[ TURKEY GOBBLES ]
336
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,984
[ GUNSHOT ]
337
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,485
BYE-BYE, BIRDIE.
338
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:16,356
GREAT. NOW I'M CRAVING
TURKEY AND ANN-MARGRET.
339
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,430
HEY.
[ SIGHS ]
340
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:24,497
HEY.
341
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,099
WHERE'S YOUR SISTER?
342
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,567
SHE WENT BACK
TO BOULDER.
343
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,902
ALL RIGHT, I WIN!
344
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,739
NO OFFENSE, BUT IT'S
WORTH HAVING HER HERE
345
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,207
BECAUSE YOU GET
THE SWEET RELIEF
346
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,276
WHEN SHE FINALLY
GETS OUT OF HERE.
347
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,679
EVERYTHING TASTES BETTER.
348
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,916
MANDY OFFERED TO GIVE APRIL
ONE OF HER EGGS.
349
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,118
AHH.
350
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,689
HOW'S THAT BEER
TASTING NOW?
351
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,292
LIKE THE FIRST OF MANY.
352
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,528
DID YOU TALK TO HER?
353
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,297
WELL, I WAS WAITING
FOR YOU TO COME HOME
354
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,966
SO WE CAN COME UP
WITH A...
MANDY!
355
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,634
...UNIFIED STRATEGY.
356
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,936
WHAT?
357
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:03,971
THIS IS NUTS.
358
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,305
UNLESS YOU'RE
A SOCIALIST FARMER,
359
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,474
YOU DON'T GIVE AWAY
YOUR EGGS.
360
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,809
HONEY, YOU OFFERING
TO GIVE APRIL
361
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,578
A CHANCE AT MOTHERHOOD
WAS VERY GENEROUS,
362
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,246
BUT --
NO, YOU KNOW
WHAT'S GENEROUS
363
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,647
IS GIVING BACK
THE PANAMA CANAL.
OKAY.
364
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,084
THIS --
THIS IS JUST STUPID.
365
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:20,153
THIS IS LIKE SOMETHING
JIMMY CARTER WOULD DO.
366
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,089
GREAT. YES.
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
367
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:25,325
"MANDY IS SO STUPID.
SHE'S JUST LIKE JIMMY CARTER."
368
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,295
DON'T I GET ANY CREDIT
FOR THE GRADES
369
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,929
I'VE BEEN GETTING IN SCHOOL?
370
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,132
OR STARTING
A PROFITABLE BUSINESS?
371
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,734
OR MOVING THE MAILBOX TO
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DRIVEWAY
372
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,304
SO I WOULDN'T
KEEP BACKING OVER IT?
373
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,006
HONEY, YOU HAVE
GROWN A LOT THIS YEAR,
374
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,473
AND YOU DESERVE
A LOT OF CREDIT,
375
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,075
BUT NOT ENOUGH
TO LET YOU DO THIS.
376
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,810
NO WAY.
WELL, I'M SORRY,
ALL RIGHT?
377
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:46,013
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU'RE S--
YOU GUYS
CAN'T STOP ME.
378
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,681
IT'S MY BODY, MY CHOICE,
OKAY?
379
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:53,486
COLLEGE HAS BEEN
GOOD TO YOU.
380
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,022
SHE CAN READ
A BUMPER STICKER.
381
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,723
OH, STOP.
382
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,596
SO, YOU HAD THE SAME EXACT
ARGUMENT WITH YOUR MOM
383
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,631
THAT I DID.
384
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,599
I GOT
THE MOM-DAD TAG TEAM.
385
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,600
THEY WERE LIKE,
"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH."
386
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,136
AND I WAS LIKE "BLAH."
387
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,637
I MADE YOU A SANDWICH
388
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,739
'CAUSE I KNOW YOUR EGG
IS EATING FOR TWO NOW.
389
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,275
IT'S EGG SALAD.
390
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,776
I HOPE
THAT'S NOT INSENSITIVE.
391
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,178
NO, IT'S OKAY.
392
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,612
UM, HEY, APRIL,
393
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,481
I'VE BEEN DOING
A LOT OF RESEARCH.
394
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,816
THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS,
LIKE, PRETTY INVOLVED.
395
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:27,054
OH, I'M STRESSED OUT
EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT.
Yeah.
396
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,489
IF I STARTED
THE FERTILITY SHOTS IN MAY,
397
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,524
THEN THEY
COULD DO THE EXTRACTION
398
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,660
AND THEN BRAD
COULD ADD HIS, UM...
399
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,562
UH -- PBHT! --
INGREDIENT,
400
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:38,331
AND THEN WE'RE, LIKE,
401
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,300
PRETTY MUCH GOOD TO GO
END OF JUNE.
402
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,934
AAH! NOPE.
403
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,305
END OF JUNE
DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.
404
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,140
NO, I CAN'T BE PREGNANT
405
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,876
IF ARCADE FIRE
COMES TO RED ROCKS.
406
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,213
IF WIN BUTLER
CALLS ME UP ON STAGE,
407
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,547
I DON'T WANT TO BE PUFFY.
408
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,317
OH, YEAH, SURE.
409
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:58,818
WELL, WHEN WOULD
WORK FOR YOU?
410
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,920
UH...MAYBE AUGUST?
411
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,190
OH, YOU KNOW, WE'RE THINKING
ABOUT GOING TO GREECE.
412
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,492
OH, YOU'RE
GOING TO GREECE?
413
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,162
"GREASE."
I LOVE THAT MUSICAL.
414
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,830
I PLAYED KENICKIE
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
415
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,865
I WAS NOT GOOD.
416
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,934
BUT IF YOU'RE HAVING A KID,
DON'T YOU THINK,
417
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,936
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD KIND OF
BE SAVING...?
418
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,372
OHH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
419
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:23,176
I MEAN, THIS WHOLE THING
IS JUST BECOMING A WHOLE THING.
420
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,444
Um...
421
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,213
YOU KNOW,
HOW ABOUT WE DO SEPTEMBER?
422
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,281
NAH, YOU'RE GONNA BE
BACK IN SCHOOL BY THEN.
423
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,717
RIGHT. AND PLUS, I'LL BE
STARTING MY NEW FALL LINE.
424
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,853
AWW, LISTEN TO YOU.
SO INDUSTRIOUS.
425
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,389
MUST MAKE ROMPERS.
MUST MAKE ROMPERS.
426
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,126
You know what?
We'll figure it out.
427
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,260
WE HAVE TIME.
428
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,629
IT'S NOT LIKE MY OVARIES
CAN GET ANY DEADER.
429
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,132
OKAY, WELL,
WE'LL TALK SOON.
430
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,833
AWW, CIAO FOR NOW.
431
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:49,636
[ SIGHS ]
432
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,204
WHY ARE YOU STARING
LIKE THAT?
433
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,605
YOU LOOK LIKE
THE AUDIENCE
434
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:54,341
THROUGH MY PERFORMANCE
IN "GREASE."
435
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,414
UM...
436
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,782
KYLE,
I'M JUST WONDERING,
437
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:06,153
DO YOU THINK THIS WHOLE THING
WITH APRIL IS A MISTAKE?
438
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,125
MANDY, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I SUPPORT YOU 100%.
439
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,294
AND YES,
IT'S A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.
440
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,164
REALLY?
441
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,432
YEAH.
CHILDREN ARE PRECIOUS.
442
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,100
IF SOMEBODY
WANTS TO HAVE A BABY,
443
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,236
THEY SHOULD BE SERIOUS
AND WILLING TO PUT UP
444
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,605
WITH A LITTLE
INCONVENIENCE.
445
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,241
THAT'S WHAT I'D WANT
FOR ANY KID THAT'S PART YOURS.
446
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,109
YOU KNOW, IF I WAS GONNA
HAVE A BABY,
447
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,078
I'D WANT IT TO BE
WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
448
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,246
DEAL.
449
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,847
[ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD.
450
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,584
I'VE ALWAYS
LOVED THAT NAME, TOO.
451
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,827
[ ALARM BLARES ]
AH! WHAT DO I PRESS?
452
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,696
IT'S
YOUR FATHER'S BIRTHDAY.
453
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,199
SHOOT, I DIDN'T
GET HIM ANYTHING!
454
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,467
WE CHANGED THE CODE
TO YOUR FATHER'S BIRTHDAY.
455
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,936
LADIES, LADIES, LADIES,
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
456
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,638
I KNOW, I FORGOT.
I'M SORRY.
457
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,373
HONEY, UH,
THE SECURITY'S --
WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
458
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,841
THE LIGHT KEEPS BLINKING.
I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
459
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:02,842
I DON'T KNOW.
HOLD IT. HOLD IT.
HOLD IT.
460
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,143
IT'S BECAUSE...
461
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:06,279
ONE OF THE WINDOW SENSORS
IS OUT.
462
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,647
I GOT TO GO LOOK AT THAT.
463
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,648
HEY.
HI.
464
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:09,682
EVERYTHING OKAY?
465
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:10,683
YES.
466
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,185
UM...
467
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,821
I TOLD AUNT APRIL THAT
I COULDN'T GIVE HER AN EGG.
AH.
468
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:15,955
MY CHOICE.
469
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,491
OKAY. GOOD.
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT CHOICE.
470
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,159
RIGHT.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
YEAH.
471
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,761
YOU'RE NO JIMMY CARTER.
472
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:24,964
I'M GONNA GO TO BED.
473
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,566
GOT SOME ROMPERS
TO SEW TOMORROW.
474
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:27,567
MWAH!
OH, GOOD.
475
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,670
NIGHT, DAD.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
476
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,305
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
477
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,006
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
478
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,009
SHE HAS TURNED INTO A REALLY
AMBITIOUS YOUNG WOMAN.
479
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,811
SOMEBODY DID
A GOOD JOB PARENTING.
480
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,146
YOU'RE WELCOME.
481
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,414
LISTEN...
482
00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:43,182
I GOT TO FIX THIS WINDOW
483
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:45,151
AND THEN I'LL BE UP
FOR MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
484
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,620
SO, UH, BRACE YOURSELF.
485
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,698
OKAY,
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
486
00:19:58,731 --> 00:19:59,932
KEEP YOUR HANDS
WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.
487
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,501
HEY.
IT'S JUST A FALSE ALARM.
488
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,404
ONE OF MY SCREEN SENSORS
LOOKS LIKE IT CAME LOOSE.
489
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,673
I'M GONNA NEED TO SEE
SOME I.D.
490
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,441
I DON'T HAVE ANY I.D.
I LIVE HERE.
491
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,177
THIS HOUSE.
LOOK AT MY DESK.
492
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,712
YOU'LL SEE A PICTURE OF ME
SITTING RIGHT ON THAT DESK.
493
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:13,746
LOOK AT THAT.
494
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,115
SO YOU'VE BEEN
LOOKING IN THE WINDOWS?
495
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,784
WHAT'S GOING ON, HAL?
496
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,086
RESPONDING TO AN ALARM,
MR. LARABEE.
UH-HUH.
497
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,922
FOUND THIS ONE
BY THE FRONT WINDOW.
498
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:27,394
YEAH, HE DOES FIT THE PROFILE
OF A PEEPING TOM --
499
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:32,465
MIDDLE-AGED,
SWEATPANTS, PEEPING.
500
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:33,866
HE SAYS
HE'S THE RESIDENT.
501
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,637
MM. STRAIGHT OUT OF
THE PEEPING-TOM HANDBOOK.
502
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:40,039
THIS IS REAL FUNNY,
LARABEE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
503
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:41,908
YOU KNOW, I COULD
PUT THIS ON YELP.
504
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,444
[ CHUCKLES ] I'LL VOUCH FOR HIM,
HAL. GO AHEAD, GUYS.
505
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,813
OKAY.
TAKE IT EASY, BOSS.
SEE?
506
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,448
HEY, DOESN'T FEEL SO GOOD,
DOES IT?
507
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,249
YOU KNOW --
WHEN PEOPLE JUMP
TO CONCLUSIONS ABOUT YOU?
508
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,618
YOU KNOW
WHAT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD
509
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:54,454
IS HIRING AN INCOMPETENT
SECURITY COMPANY.
510
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,456
YOU KNOW, THAT WINDOW SENSOR'S
LOOSE OR SOMETHING.
511
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:57,957
KEEPS SHOWING UP
ON THIS ALARM PAD.
512
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,826
OH, YOU PROBABLY
CHANGED THE PASS CODE
513
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,461
WITHOUT RESETTING
THE SYSTEM.
514
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,995
DID YOU SWITCH OUT OBAMA?
515
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,932
IT WAS A CHANGE
I COULD BELIEVE IN.
516
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:07,767
YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]
517
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,902
OH, YEAH, IT'S BEEN
A TOUGH FIVE YEARS.
518
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:13,105
BIN LADEN'S DEAD
AND THE STOCK MARKET'S DOUBLED.
519
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:14,941
HANG IN THERE.
520
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,510
YEAH. NO DOUBT,
THINGS HAVE GOTTEN BETTER.
MM.
521
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:20,680
BUSH'S POLICIES
HAVE FINALLY KICKED IN.
522
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,315
[ LAUGHS ]
523
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:24,317
GOOD NIGHT, BAXTER.
524
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:26,953
NIGHT, LARABEE.
37953
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