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1
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,306
"LAST MAN STANDING"
IS RECORDED
2
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,974
IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE.
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,509
GOOD MORNING.
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:11,645
OH, IT WILL BE ONCE THIS
BRAN MUFFIN WORKS ITS MAGIC.
5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,014
I USED TO GET A PECK ON THE LIPS
IN THE MORNING.
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,849
NOW I GET AN UPDATE
ON YOUR COLON.
7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,385
COLON?
8
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,220
I HOPE YOU GUYS
ARE TALKING ABOUT PUNCTUATION.
9
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,090
LISTEN, I WON'T HAVE TIME
TO MAKE DINNER TONIGHT,
10
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,657
SO I'M JUST GONNA
PICK SOMETHING UP.
11
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,493
ANY PREFERENCE?
I DON'T CARE.
I'M EASY, HONEY.
12
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,828
OH, GOOD. THERE'S A NEW
GREEK PLACE I WANT TO TRY.
13
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,231
NO, NO.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
14
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,200
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT
WITH THE GREEKS?
15
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,734
I MEAN,
THAT MEDITERRANEAN WORK ETHIC
16
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,537
HAS GOT THE WHOLE WORLD ECONOMY
IN A TAILSPIN.
17
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,872
I JUST WANTED A KABOB.
18
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,342
WHERE, UH --
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?
19
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,612
HONEY, I DON'T CARE.
I'M EASY.
UH, THEN...CHINESE?
20
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,247
PASS!
21
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,316
WE'LL ALL BE EATING THAT FOOD
FULL-TIME SOON ENOUGH.
22
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,285
YOU KNOW
WHERE THIS IS HEADED, MOM.
23
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:52,553
JUST SAY TEXAS BARBECUE.
24
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,188
THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
I'M NOT PICKY.
25
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:55,889
ALL RIGHT.
26
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,858
GOOD MORNING.
27
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,227
HEY, HONEY.
HEY, KRIS.
28
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,894
BOY, YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME
OVER HERE.
29
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,930
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO WANTED TO LIVE WITH RYAN.
30
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,865
I THINK YOU GO HOME
AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE.
31
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,900
I JUST NEEDED A PLACE TO CHILL
FOR AN HOUR, OKAY?
32
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:08,802
BOYD HAD ME UP ALL NIGHT
WITH A STOMACH VIRUS.
33
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,372
OH, SO YOU THOUGHT YOU'D BRING
THAT VIRUS OVER HERE.
34
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,807
THANKS.
NEXT TIME, BRING DOUGHNUTS.
NO, NO, NO!
35
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,476
DON'T TOUCH THE HANDLE
OF THE COFFEE POT!
36
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,378
YOU'LL GET YOUR GERMY SPORES
ON EVERYTHING.
37
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,147
I'LL GET IT FOR YOU,
HONEY.
38
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,649
THANK YOU. MAYBE I SHOULD
JUST DRINK MY COFFEE OUTSIDE.
39
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,617
ALL RIGHT.
40
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:26,920
WIPE DOWN THAT DOOR HANDLE
AND THEN BURY THE CUP.
41
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,423
I AM NOT STANDING OUTSIDE,
OKAY?
42
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,459
I PROMISE I'LL TRY
NOT TO BREATHE ON YOU.
43
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,327
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
44
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:36,096
SO IS RYAN TAKING CARE
OF MY GRANDSON?
YEAH, OF COURSE.
45
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,999
HONEY, MEN ARE CAPABLE
OF TAKING CARE OF SICK CHILDREN.
46
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,935
UH, YEAH,
THEY'RE CALLED DOCTORS.
47
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,673
YOUR GRANDMA ESCAPED AGAIN,
KYLE?
48
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,141
I'M SO SORRY.
49
00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,909
WELL, LISTEN, SHE COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN VERY FAR.
50
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,244
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
51
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,979
WELL, WHY WOULD THEY PUT
A RETIREMENT HOME
52
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,948
RIGHT NEXT TO A BUS STATION?
53
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,917
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
WHY WON'T ANYBODY
ANSWER THE DOOR?
54
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,252
KYLE'S NOT GONNA BE
AT WORK TODAY.
55
00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:00,321
WHY WON'T ANYBODY
ANSWER MY QUESTION?
56
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,326
HEY, LARABEE, COME ON IN.
HEY, BAXTER.
57
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,495
HEY, I'VE BEEN RINGING
THAT DOORBELL FOR TWO MINUTES.
58
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,829
I WOULD HAVE JUMPED
RIGHT UP,
59
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,798
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT WHITE MEN.
60
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,833
[ CHUCKLES ]
WE SAY A LOT OF THINGS.
61
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,768
HEY, YOU KNOW,
I NOTICED YOU DON'T HAVE
62
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,704
A HOME-SECURITY SIGN
IN THE FRONT LAWN.
63
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:19,473
I DIDN'T NEED ONE UNTIL
THE NEIGHBORHOOD GOT SO DIVERSE.
64
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,041
OH.
65
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,143
I STARTED MY OWN
HOME-SECURITY BUSINESS --
66
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,779
SOMETHING TO, YOU KNOW, KEEP ME
BUSY SINCE MY RETIREMENT.
67
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,548
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
68
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,483
I MEAN, WHO WOULD KNOW
MORE ABOUT SECURITY
THAN A GUY LIKE YOU?
69
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,319
OH, YOU MEAN,
"WHO KNOWS MORE
70
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,387
"ABOUT BREAKING
INTO PEOPLE'S HOMES
71
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,189
THAN SOMEONE
WHO'S DIVERSE?"
72
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,157
NO.
73
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,992
I WAS THINKING THAT
BECAUSE YOU'RE A MARINE.
74
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,862
BUT YOURS WORKS, TOO.
75
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,464
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
BAXTER?
76
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,366
MOST OF THE NEIGHBORS
ARE SIGNING UP.
77
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,201
DO YOU WANT ME
TO PROTECT YOUR HOME?
78
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,904
YOU GOT A LOT OF NICE STUFF
IN HERE.
79
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,673
I DON'T NEED PROTECTION.
80
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,409
I GOT ALL THE SECOND-AMENDMENT
PROTECTION I NEED UP IN MY DEN.
81
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:56,977
WHAT IF YOU'RE NOT AROUND?
WHAT THEN?
82
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,046
YOU'VE SEEN ME ON THE RANGE,
MR. LARABEE.
83
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:01,682
I COULD SHOOT THE NADS
OFF A SQUIRREL AT 100 YARDS.
84
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,918
OH. HEY, WHAT IF THE ROBBER
ISN'T A SQUIRREL?
85
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,920
BIGGER NADS,
BIGGER TARGET.
86
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:10,524
JUST, UH,
THINK ABOUT IT, BAXTER.
ALL RIGHT.
87
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,761
A-AND, EVE, STOP BY LATER
WITH YOUR PELLET GUN.
88
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:16,230
I GOT A BUSHY-TAILED BARITONE
IN MY CEDAR TREE
89
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,865
THAT NEEDS TO GO
SOPRANO.
90
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,002
OKAY, SO YOUR GRANDMA'S
ON A BUS TO RENO?
91
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,071
ALL RIGHT, WELL,
GOOD LUCK FINDING HER, BABE.
92
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,240
AND, HEY, IF SHE MAKES IT
ALL THE WAY TO RENO,
93
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:29,410
GOOD LUCK
TO YOUR GRANDMA, TOO, HUH?
94
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:32,480
-- Captions by VITAC --
95
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,252
LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT NOW.
96
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,921
BOYD WAS SICK,
AND RYAN WAS WATCHING HIM?
97
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,856
YEP.
BUT HE'S THE DAD.
98
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:46,059
I KNOW.
IT'S CRAZY, RIGHT?
99
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,128
MIKE, THE WORLD
IS UPSIDE DOWN.
100
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,465
WE SHOULD JUST ALL START
WALKING AROUND ON OUR HANDS.
101
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,601
WHAT'S ALL THE CHITCHAT,
LADIES?
102
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,569
HEY, DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OVER HERE?
103
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,371
ED AND I ARE GOING OFF
TO KANSAS
104
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,072
FOR AN OVERNIGHT
HUNTING TRIP.
105
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,141
I CAN'T GO HUNTING.
I GOT STUFF TO DO HERE.
106
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,610
YOU WEREN'T INVITED.
107
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,113
JUST US VETS.
COME ON.
LET'S GO GRAB SOME LUNCH FIRST.
108
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,915
GOOD.
LIKE I SAID, I'M BUSY.
109
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,950
YOU WEREN'T INVITED
TO THAT, EITHER.
110
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,587
YOU GOT TO TRY THE BáNH MI
AT MY FAVORITE VIETNAMESE PLACE.
111
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,456
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL INTRODUCE YOU
TO A KID THERE
112
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,091
WHO LOOKS
SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE YOU.
113
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,827
SO THEY SHOT AT YOU
IN VIETNAM,
114
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,129
AND YOU'RE GOING
TO A VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT?
115
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,398
YEAH, I HAVE A VERY
COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP
116
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:25,699
WITH SOUTHEAST ASIA.
117
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,337
DAD, WHAT DID YOU DO
TO YOUR HEAD?
118
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,804
UH, IT'S NOTHING.
119
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,740
I, UH -- I GOT ROLLED
THE OTHER NIGHT, UH...
120
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,008
YOU WHAT?
YEAH,
THEY GRABBED MY STASH.
121
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,410
THAT'S POT TALK FOR A --
122
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,312
I KNOW WHAT A STASH IS.
123
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,580
YOU GOT MUGGED?
124
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,081
I WAS LEAVING
THE GROW HOUSE,
125
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,083
GUY JUMPED ME, AND GAVE ME
A KNOCK ON THE HEAD.
126
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,352
PHEW!
I CAME TO,
127
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,119
THERE WAS A CAT
LICKING MY FACE.
128
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:49,156
KIND OF NICE.
I MIGHT GET A CAT.
129
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:51,325
SO, YOUR TAKEAWAY
FROM GETTING MUGGED
130
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,126
IS YOU'RE GONNA GET
A CAT?
131
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,197
I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT
A GROW HOUSE IN THAT
NEIGHBORHOOD. IT'S DANGEROUS.
132
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,599
WHAT ARE YOU USING
FOR PROTECTION?
133
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,869
LANA TURNER,
RAQUEL WELCH.
134
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:06,340
BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH
KNOCKOUTS.
135
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,509
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GET HIM A 9-MILLIMETER?
136
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,211
WE CUSTOMIZE IT AND GET YOU
A CONCEALED-WEAPONS PERMIT.
137
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,480
I DON'T WANT A GUN.
138
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,981
I DON'T SEE SO GOOD
THESE DAYS.
139
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,315
YOU DON'T SEE SO GOOD?
140
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,084
YOU'RE TAKING HIM
HUNTING?
141
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,789
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
TAKE DICK CHENEY WITH YOU?
142
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,558
I'M OKAY.
DON'T BE SUCH A WORRYWART.
143
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,560
IT'S GONNA BE FINE, MIKE.
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
144
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:29,397
KYLE, KYLE, PULL ME
A KEVLAR FLAK JACKET,
145
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,031
BRIGHT ORANGE,
HEAVY-DUTY.
146
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,501
YES, SIR.
147
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,135
[ KNOCKING ]
148
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,570
HEY, UH,
I'M REALLY SORRY
149
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,305
I MISSED WORK YESTERDAY,
MR. B.
150
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,807
MY GRANDMA
GOT AWAY AGAIN.
151
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,142
YEAH, MANDY TOLD ME.
DID YOU FIND HER?
152
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,977
YEAH. YEAH, YOU KNOW,
IT TOOK A WHILE.
153
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,913
YOU KNOW, YOU'D THINK
AN 80-YEAR-OLD WOMAN
154
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,148
PLAYING SLOTS IN HER BRA
AND A SEQUINED COWBOY HAT
155
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,517
WOULD STAND OUT.
156
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:52,052
NOT IN RENO.
157
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,587
DID YOU GRAB THE RIGHT ONE?
[ CHUCKLES ]
158
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:54,755
EVENTUALLY.
159
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,559
THE FIRST ONE WAS WAY
TOO WILLING TO GET
IN THE VAN WITH ME.
160
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,394
MY GRANDMA PUT UP
MORE OF A FIGHT.
161
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:04,064
SHE'S STILL OF SOUND BODY,
JUST NOT SO SOUND OF MIND.
162
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:07,067
WELL, YOU GOT A LOT
OF YOUR GRANDMOTHER IN YOU.
163
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,471
THANKS, MR. B.
164
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,508
Vanessa: I KNEW THIS POT SHOP
WAS DANGEROUS.
165
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,710
AT LEAST WHEN YOUR DAD WAS
IN THE CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS,
166
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:20,047
WHEN HE GOT HIT ON THE HEAD,
HE WAS WEARING A HARD HAT.
167
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,550
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM
HAVING A MARIJUANA SHOP.
168
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,752
IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HIM
GETTING OLDER.
169
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,588
HONEY, HE WAS CARRYING THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS WORTH OF REEFER.
170
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,356
[ CHUCKLES ] "REEFER"?
171
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,357
MM.
172
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,725
NOW WHO'S GETTING OLD?
173
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,795
I GUESS YOUR DAD'S
JUST GETTING TO THAT AGE
174
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,730
WHERE HE'S GONNA NEED
MORE HELP FROM US.
175
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:39,266
I OFFERED TO BUY HIM A HANDGUN.
WHAT MORE CAN I DO?
176
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,735
PEOPLE ARE LIVING LONGER
THESE DAYS,
177
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,538
DESPITE YOUR POLICY
OF ARMING THE ELDERLY.
178
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,940
HIS VISION'S GOING. HE SAYS
HE NEEDS A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.
179
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,042
HOW DO I DO THAT?
180
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,411
YOU MENTION IT TO ME,
AND I TAKE CARE OF IT.
181
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,981
I JUST MENTIONED IT
TO YOU.
182
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:56,650
I'LL CALL IN THE MORNING.
183
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,986
OLD PEOPLE
ARE SO HELPLESS.
184
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:02,155
MM.
185
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:06,159
AND NOW I GOT MY BUSINESS
PARTNER AND MY HALF-BLIND DAD
186
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,497
RUNNING AROUND KANSAS
WITH RIFLES.
187
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:13,000
I SHOULD CALL AND SEE
IF THEY'RE BOTH STILL ALIVE.
188
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,435
YOU KNOW, I WONDER IF OUR KIDS
WILL BE AS CONCERNED ABOUT US
189
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,639
WHEN WE'RE DROOLING OUT OF
THE CORNERS OF OUR MOUTHS.
190
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,841
WELL, THANK GOD
I STILL GOT EVE.
191
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,510
NO, HEY.
192
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,311
WE STILL HAVE EVE.
193
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,915
YOU KEEP
TELLING YOURSELF THAT.
194
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,350
HONEY, YOU KNOW,
NO, NO, STATISTICALLY,
195
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,686
YOU -- YOU'RE NOT EVEN
GONNA NEED EVE.
196
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,087
UH, WOMEN, ON AVERAGE,
197
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,289
OUTLIVE THEIR SPOUSES
BY 12 YEARS.
198
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,692
WELL, I'M GONNA
TURN THAT AROUND.
OH?
199
00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:41,862
YOU REMEMBER, I'M THE ONE
THAT SERVICES YOUR CAR.
200
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,836
AND I'M THE ONE
THAT PREPARES YOUR MEALS.
201
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,139
WOW, WE -- WE REALLY
202
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,974
JUST TIPPED OUR HANDS
JUST THEN, DIDN'T WE?
203
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,051
HEY.
HOW'S BOYD FEELING?
204
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,186
OH, HE'S FINE.
HE'S BACK AT SCHOOL.
205
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,221
BUT NOW RYAN IS SICK.
206
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,557
GREAT.
207
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,725
NOW YOU'RE HERE
SPREADING RYAN GERMS.
208
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:14,562
WHY DON'T YOU BRING OVER
SOME LEPERS,
209
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,830
AND WE'LL ALL
PLAY TWISTER?
210
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,200
YOU KNOW,
WHEN KYLE'S SICK,
211
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,235
HE WON'T LET ANYONE
TAKE CARE OF HIM.
212
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:25,238
IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
I LOVE ABOUT KYLE.
213
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,007
HONEY, NO, W-WHEN YOU CARE
ABOUT SOMEBODY,
214
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,042
YOU LOOK AFTER THEM,
AND THEN THEY LOOK AFTER YOU.
215
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,544
I KNOW.
216
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,045
IF YOU'RE NICE TO SOMEBODY,
THEN THEY OWE YOU,
217
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,346
THEN YOU GOT 'EM RIGHT
WHERE YOU WANT 'EM.
218
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,648
NO, THEY DON'T OWE YOU.
219
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,684
YOU BOTH DO IT
BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.
220
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,318
BUT...I DON'T WANT TO.
221
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,688
SO THAT'S WHERE
YOUR LITTLE SYSTEM FALLS APART.
222
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,389
YEAH, MOM,
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT?
NO.
223
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,057
DO YOU HAVE SOME
GROSS OLD-PERSON DISEASE?
224
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,426
OH, GOD. MOM.
YOU DO LOOK TERRIBLE.
225
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:49,329
I FEEL FINE,
AND I LOOK GREAT.
226
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,265
NOW, SOMEDAY --
DECADES FROM NOW --
227
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,736
I MIGHT NEED YOU GIRLS
TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
228
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,404
SO, WHEN YOU SAY
"TAKE CARE OF,"
229
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,172
I HOPE
YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT
230
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,074
ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES
LATEX GLOVES.
231
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:06,046
MAYBE, YEAH.
PEOPLE GET OLDER -- THINGS LEAK.
232
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,215
OH, COME ON, NO!
STOP!
233
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,751
I'M NOT GONNA LEAK.
234
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,954
BUT YOUR DAD AND I MIGHT BE
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY SOMEDAY.
235
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,522
MM. NO PROBLEM.
236
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,692
BY THEN, OLD PEOPLE
WILL BE CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN.
237
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,794
SO I'LL BE SURE
TO SAY HELLO
238
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:23,130
EACH TIME
I REACH FOR A POPSICLE.
239
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,865
MAYBE --
MAYBE WE COULD KEEP
240
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,867
HER MOUTH OPEN
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
241
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,468
USE HER
AS A BOTTLE OPENER.
242
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,770
JUST LIKE...
243
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,873
VERY NICE.
VERY NICE.
244
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,876
THAT'LL TEACH ME TO DISCUSS
A SERIOUS TOPIC
245
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,311
WITH PEOPLE
WHO SUPPOSEDLY LOVE ME.
246
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,313
I WILL BE THERE
FOR YOU MOM, OKAY,
247
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,282
AND ONE OF THESE TWO
CAN HAVE DAD.
248
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,617
NOT IT!
NOT IT!
249
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,252
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU'RE STUCK WITH DAD!
250
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,254
NO! I WANT MOM!
251
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,722
GIRLS, GIRLS,
252
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,959
THERE'S PLENTY OF FUTURE ME
TO GO AROUND.
253
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,293
WAIT A SECOND, EVE.
254
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,062
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL.
255
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,429
I AM.
[ SIGHS ]
256
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,431
BUT IT WOULD BE HARD FOR ME
TO WATCH DAD GO.
257
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,435
SO IT'LL BE EASIER
FOR YOU TO WATCH ME GO?
258
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,938
A LITTLE.
259
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,674
I'LL TAKE IT.
I'LL TAKE IT.
260
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,275
UM, I MEAN,
261
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:09,943
YOU'D ALL PREFER
TO TAKE CARE OF ME, SO...
262
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,178
YEAH, YOU'D BE
A PIECE OF CAKE.
263
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,980
YEAH, YOU'RE EASYGOING.
COMPARED TO DAD.
264
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,848
HE ALWAYS GETS HIS WAY.
265
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,817
NO, NO, NO.
I-I DON'T KNOW THAT THAT'S TRUE.
266
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,618
YES, LIKE THE OTHER NIGHT,
REMEMBER?
267
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,020
WHEN YOU WANTED
GREEK FOOD
268
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,922
AND YOU ENDED UP
WITH TEXAS BARBECUE?
269
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,456
YOU'RE A PUSHOVER.
270
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,525
NO, NO, I'M NOT.
YOU ARE.
271
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,327
OKAY, MAYBE I AM.
272
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,096
BUT, YOU KNOW,
THERE IS DEFINITELY
273
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,798
A GIVE-AND-TAKE
WITH YOUR FATHER.
274
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,032
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
275
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,601
AND I GET MY WAY
PLENTY OF TIMES.
276
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,303
[ SCOFFS ]
LISTEN TO HER.
277
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,706
SHE ALREADY HAS DEMENTIA.
[ CHUCKLES ]
278
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:42,142
HEY!
MY HEARING HASN'T GONE YET!
279
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,480
HI, CHUCK.
280
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,650
HELLO, VANESSA.
IS MIKE AROUND?
281
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,286
UH, NO.
NO, HE ISN'T. SORRY.
282
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,055
OH, I WAS
JUST CHECKING BACK TO SEE
283
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,290
IF HE'D GIVEN ANY MORE THOUGHT
TO USING MY SECURITY BUSINESS.
284
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,692
HUH?
285
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:01,528
UH, UH, NO,
HE HASN'T MENTIONED ANYTHING.
286
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,230
HMM.
THAT'S WEIRD.
287
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,867
YOU KNOW, CAROL AND I ALWAYS
SHARE IMPORTANT THINGS
288
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,870
THAT, YOU KNOW,
AFFECT THE HOUSEHOLD.
289
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,239
I GUESS YOU AND MIKE
DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY.
290
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,307
NO, I, UH --
I WOULDN'T MIND
291
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,877
REACTIVATING
OUR HOME-SECURITY SYSTEM.
292
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,645
OH.
YEAH, BUT, UM, I JUST --
293
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,547
I JUST DON'T KNOW
IF -- IF --
294
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,750
OH, IT'S OKAY. I KNOW YOU NEED
TO RUN IT BY MIKE.
295
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:25,318
WHEN HE DECIDES
WHAT HE WANTS YOU GUYS TO DO,
296
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,987
HAVE HIM GIVE ME A CALL.
NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO.
297
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,389
NO, NO, WAIT, WAIT, CHUCK,
NO. NO, NO.
298
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,558
MIKE DOESN'T MAKE
ALL THE DECISIONS AROUND HERE.
299
00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:33,326
THAT "WELCOME" MAT
YOU'RE STANDING ON --
300
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,995
MIKE WANTED ONE
THAT SAYS "GO AWAY."
301
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,031
IT SAYS "GO AWAY."
302
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:41,034
OH, DAMN IT.
WHEN DID HE GET THAT?
303
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,772
THE HUSBAND SAYS,
"TRY THE KITCHEN."
304
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,206
[ LAUGHTER ]
305
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,440
HEY, MIKE.
306
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,242
HEY, GUYS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
307
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,778
DIDN'T YOU READ
THE DOORMAT?
308
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,880
WE BROUGHT BACK
A BUNCH OF RABBITS.
309
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,749
VANESSA SAID COME ON OUT
IN THE BACK AND SMOKE THEM.
310
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:59,019
BOY, YOU'LL SMOKE ANYTHING
THESE DAYS, WON'T YOU, DAD?
311
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,021
WE'RE JUST SWAPPING
WAR STORIES, THAT'S ALL.
312
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,856
YEAH, UH, PULL UP A CHAIR.
HAVE A BEER.
313
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:06,226
VERY GENEROUS OF YOU, CHUCK,
SINCE IT'S MY CHAIR AND MY BEER.
314
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:09,129
BELIEVE THIS GUY?
315
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,364
CALLED FIVE TIMES TO CHECK ON ME
DURING OUR HUNTING TRIP.
316
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,400
OH, YEAH.
NERVOUS NELLIE.
317
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,969
THAT'S WHY I GOT YOU A SATELLITE
PHONE, DAD, SO I COULD FIND YOU.
318
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,637
HOW COME
YOU DIDN'T PICK IT UP?
319
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,774
I DON'T LIKE USING THAT THING.
IT COSTS 10 BUCKS A MINUTE.
320
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:23,110
YEAH, IT REMINDS ME OF
A LITTLE PLACE I USED TO GO TO
321
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,478
IN SAIGON
DURING THE WAR.
322
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:30,250
THAT WAS
10 BUCKS A MINUTE, TOO.
323
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,854
SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IS YOU SPENT 10 BUCKS.
324
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,891
OOH, MIKE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
325
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,160
YOU CAN'T TAKE SHOTS
IF YOU WEREN'T SHOT AT.
326
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:42,896
LET CHUCK
FINISH HIS STORY.
Chuck: OKAY.
327
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:46,233
THE MEDIC TAKES ONE LOOK
AT MY LEG WOUND AND PASSES OUT.
MM-HMM.
328
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,969
AND I'M THINKING, "MAN,
THIS -- THIS CAN'T BE GOOD."
329
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,171
TURNS OUT
THE GUY WAS HYPOGLYCEMIC.
OH.
330
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,306
LUCKY FOR BOTH OF US,
I HAD A KIT KAT.
331
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:56,343
120 DEGREES IN THAT DESERT,
AND THAT THING DIDN'T MELT.
332
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:59,112
YOU TELL ME
GOD ISN'T AMERICAN.
333
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,681
OUR MEDICS WERE SO HOPPED UP
ON MORPHINE,
334
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,683
WHEN I GOT SHOT,
I HAD TO PAY
335
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:06,286
ONE OF THE VILLAGERS
TO REMOVE THE BULLET.
336
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,990
SHE STITCHED ME UP AND GAVE ME
A MANICURE WHILE SHE WAS AT IT.
337
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,793
BEST BUCK AND A QUARTER
I EVER SPENT.
338
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,362
[ LAUGHTER ]
339
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,297
YEAH, I-I WAS VERY, VERY LUCKY.
I WAS FORTUNATE.
340
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,267
I GOT TOP-NOTCH CARE
FOR MY WAR INJURIES.
341
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,169
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SHOT
DURING THE WAR, ED.
342
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,172
YEAH, I GOT MY FINGER CAUGHT
IN A FILING CABINET.
343
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:30,010
TO THIS DAY,
WHENEVER I HEAR DRAWERS SLAM...
344
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,846
I'M RIGHT BACK THERE.
345
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,853
I DIDN'T, UM...
346
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,289
I DIDN'T SERVE, YOU KNOW?
347
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,225
I TURNED 18,
AND WAR WAS OVER.
348
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,659
IT SUCKED.
349
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:50,530
AND THAT'S THE LAST WAR
THE U.S. WAS EVER IN.
350
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,868
DIDN'T YOU GO TO CAMP
THAT SUMMER AT EVERGREEN LAKE?
351
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,970
YEAH, I GOT
THAT HORRIBLE SUNBURN...
352
00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,507
AND, YOU KNOW,
S-SWIMMER'S ITCH.
353
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,676
GOT A BIG...
SPIDER BITE...
354
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:05,512
DURING THE CAMP --
CAMP DRILLS.
355
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,247
BOY, LOOK AT THOSE RABBITS
COMING ALONG, DAD.
356
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,716
YOU GUYS DID
REALLY WELL.
357
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,851
YOUR DAD
GOT FIVE KILLS --
358
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,253
ONE AT 50 YARDS.
359
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,889
YEAH, HIPPITY-HOPPITY,
360
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,558
EASTER'S NOT ON ITS WAY
FOR THAT BUNNY.
361
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,361
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR --
YOUR EYES WERE BOTHERING YOU.
362
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,996
I GOT LUCKY.
363
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,532
YOU GOT LUCKY
FIVE TIMES?
364
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,000
WELL, AFTER I SHOT
THE FIRST ONE,
365
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,435
I HAD FOUR RABBIT'S FEET.
366
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,004
DAD.
367
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,739
YOU'RE CLIPPING RABBITS
AT 50 YARDS.
368
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,908
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH YOUR AIM OR YOUR EYES.
369
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:37,544
WE'RE NOT STARTING
THAT AGAIN, ARE WE?
370
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,946
LOOK, I DON'T NEED A GUN
FOR PROTECTION.
371
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,580
THIS IS NOT FLORIDA,
372
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,283
WHERE YOU CAN GO AROUND
SHOOTING PEOPLE FOR NO REASON.
373
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:44,617
THERE'S A REASON --
374
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,454
SAME REASON
I DON'T VACATION IN FLORIDA.
375
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,524
I'M JUST SAYING YOU NEED
SOME KIND OF PROTECTION.
IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
376
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,226
I GOT THIS FAR
WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
377
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,528
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
378
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,231
ED, GIVE ME A RIDE BACK
TO MY SHOP.
379
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,466
YEAH, OKAY.
380
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,901
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
LET IT GO, MIKE.
381
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,437
THE LAST THING
GUYS OUR AGE NEED
382
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,474
IS SOMEONE TELLING THEM
THEY'RE HELPLESS.
383
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,545
WHAT WAS YOUR NICKNAME
AT THAT SUMMER CAMP?
384
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:13,780
BUZZKILL?
385
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,924
HEY, DAD.
HEY, MR. B.
386
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,493
HEY, YOU GUYS HUNGRY?
387
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:27,995
EW!
YEAH, NO THANKS.
388
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,230
UM, WE HAD DINNER
AT HIS GRANDMA'S REST HOME.
389
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,432
IT WAS
"EAT WITH YOUR TEETH OUT" NIGHT.
390
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,769
I HAD LIKE
10 TAPIOCA CUPS.
391
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,105
I'M FEELING
A LITTLE WOOZY.
392
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,839
I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN ONE
WITH THE MEDICINE.
393
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,441
I'VE GOT TO GO
TAKE A SHOWER.
394
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,510
I GOT HUGGED BY
LIKE 20 PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT
395
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,512
I WAS THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER.
[ CHUCKLES ]
396
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,615
AND ONE GUY
WHO DEFINITELY DIDN'T.
397
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,253
GOOD NIGHT.
398
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,522
SO, UM...
HOW'S YOUR GRANDMA?
399
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,024
UH, SHE'S GOOD.
400
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,858
I'M GONNA GO BACK
AND SIT WITH HER A LITTLE LATER.
401
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,293
SHE'S STILL
PRETTY AGITATED.
402
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,829
PROBABLY BECAUSE
YOU ATE HER MEDICINE.
403
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,033
WHEN YOU DO STUFF LIKE THIS
FOR HER, KYLE,
404
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,834
DOES SHE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
405
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,502
OH, NO.
SHE GETS REALLY ANGRY.
406
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,371
SHE DOESN'T THINK SHE NEEDS
ANY HELP,
407
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,673
ESPECIALLY
FROM A DUNDERHEAD.
408
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:17,044
THAT'S HER SPECIAL NICKNAME
FOR ME.
409
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,779
YEAH, NOT JUST HERS.
410
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,948
I DON'T MIND.
I MEAN, SHE'S SET IN HER WAYS.
411
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,816
THAT'S WHY
I GOT TO LOOK OUT FOR HER.
412
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,485
I'M SORRY FOR WHAT
SHE'S PUTTING YOU THROUGH.
413
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,854
WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?
SHE'S FAMILY.
414
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,665
YO.
415
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,867
IT'S OPEN.
416
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,203
YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.
417
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,039
DAD, IT'S ME.
418
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,875
UH, GLAD IT'S YOU,
MICHAEL.
419
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,677
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I WAS HERE TO ROB YOU?
420
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:51,911
WHY WOULD YOU ROB ME?
421
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,214
YOU'RE MY SON,
AND YOU'RE DOING FINE.
422
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,515
YEAH, YOU GOT ME THERE.
423
00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,086
LISTEN, I BROUGHT THE RABBITS.
YOU LEFT THEM ON THE SMOKER.
424
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,487
EXCELLENT.
425
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,090
SO...
HOW'S THE POT BUSINESS?
426
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,857
BUSINESS IS GREAT.
427
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,526
I JUST HOPE
PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING
428
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,328
PUTTING THIS MARIJUANA STUFF
IN THEIR BODIES.
429
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,363
YOU WANT SOME BOOZE?
430
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,499
IT GOES GOOD
WITH RABBIT.
431
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:13,833
SURE.
432
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,668
A WILD TURKEY TOAST
433
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,504
TO A FELLOW
FALLEN FOREST CREATURE.
434
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,039
TRY SAYING THAT A COUPLE TIMES
AFTER A FEW OF THESE.
435
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,409
WHAT'S THIS?
436
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:23,910
DON'T GET ALL EXCITED.
LET ME EXPLAIN.
437
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:26,279
SOMEBODY OUGHT TO GIVE YOU
A KNOCK ON THE HEAD.
438
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,947
I DO NOT WANT A GUN.
439
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,749
JUST LISTEN TO ME.
440
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,218
IF YOU WANT ME
TO TAKE THAT,
441
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:35,255
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PRY IT
INTO MY COLD, DEAD HAND.
442
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,590
WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?
443
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,761
I DON'T
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
444
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,563
DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT WHAT, DAD?
445
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,299
[ SIGHS ]
446
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,468
LOOK, MIKEY...
447
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:51,971
...THERE ARE WAR STORIES
448
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,575
LIKE ED AND HIS PAPER CUT.
449
00:17:57,644 --> 00:18:00,247
AND THERE ARE
WAR STORIES --
450
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:04,951
THE STUFF GUYS DON'T TALK ABOUT
SITTING AROUND A SMOKER.
451
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:08,988
I THANK GOD EVERY DAY
THAT YOU MISSED THE DRAFT, SON.
452
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:13,460
I WOULD NEVER WANT YOU TO KNOW
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO KILL A MAN.
453
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:17,764
YOU REMEMBER THEIR FACES.
I-IT STICKS WITH YOU, MICHAEL.
454
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,400
I REALLY CAN'T IMAGINE.
455
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,736
I PROMISED MYSELF
THAT I WOULD NEVER AGAIN
456
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:27,740
POINT ONE OF THOSE
AT ANYTHING WALKING ON TWO FEET.
457
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:31,444
UNLESS IT WAS AN OSTRICH.
458
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:35,282
THAT WOULD BE
TOO GOOD TO PASS UP.
459
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:38,351
WELL, HOW ARE YOU GONNA
DEFEND YOURSELF?
460
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:41,854
IF SOMEBODY WANTS MY STASH
THAT BAD, THEY CAN HAVE IT.
461
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,123
YOU KNOW
WHAT A STASH IS, RIGHT?
462
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,525
YEAH,
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.
463
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,494
I THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD
GET THAT HEAD LOOKED AT.
464
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,798
JIMMY AND I HAD NO IDEA
WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH.
465
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:54,434
WE USED TO PLAY SOLDIER
ALL THE TIME
466
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,503
JUST PRETENDING
TO BE YOU.
467
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,306
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A REAL HERO
TO US, YOU KNOW THAT?
468
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,808
THANK YOU.
469
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,177
I HAVE A PLAN "B"...
470
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,045
AS IN LARABEE.
471
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,315
CHUCK.
YEAH.
472
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,617
I LIKE THIS GUY.
[ CHUCKLES ]
473
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,953
DOESN'T HAVE SUCH GREAT THINGS
TO SAY ABOUT YOU.
474
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,189
I'D LIKE TO HIRE HIM
TO DO SECURITY AROUND HERE.
475
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,891
I HAVEN'T SEEN
A WEAKER DEFENSE
476
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,994
SINCE THE BRONCOS
IN THE SUPER BOWL.
477
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:26,866
I APPRECIATE THE OFFER, MIKE,
BUT I'M THE FATHER.
478
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,469
THE FATHER TAKES CARE OF THE
KIDS, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
479
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,137
LOOK, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
TAKING CARE OF YOU, DAD.
480
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,339
I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE BUSINESS.
481
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,308
REMEMBER,
I'M THE MARKETING GUY.
482
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,644
AND I DON'T THINK CUSTOMERS
ARE GONNA TAKE TOO KINDLY
483
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,145
TO STEPPING OVER
SOME OLD DUDE
484
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,349
GETTING CPR OUT FRONT
FROM A CAT.
485
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:46,519
FINE.
486
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,588
THIS LARABEE GUY --
HE KNOW HIS STUFF?
487
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,357
I TRUST HIM
WITH YOUR LIFE.
488
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,660
WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
489
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,263
LET'S SEE HOW HE DOES
WITH YOURS FIRST.
490
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,539
HEY.
491
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,107
HEY, BABE.
WHERE -- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
492
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,643
I HAVE A LITTLE GIFT
FOR YOU.
493
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:19,118
YOU'RE WELCOME.
494
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,555
YOU KNOW, I ALSO WENT
TO THAT NEW GREEK PLACE,
495
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,224
AND I GOT MYSELF
A DELICIOUS KABOB.
496
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:27,794
SOUNDS LIKE
YOU'VE HAD A BIG DAY.
497
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:31,431
AND I ALSO HIRED CHUCK TO REDO
OUR HOME-SECURITY SYSTEM,
498
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:35,602
COMPLETELY UNILATERALLY --
NO DISCUSSION WITH YOU.
499
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,906
SOUNDS OKAY.
500
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,974
NO, NO, 'CAUSE THE POINT IS,
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE YOUR WAY.
501
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:45,244
SOMETIMES I HAVE A WAY,
AND IT'S A PERFECTLY GOOD WAY.
502
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,246
COME ON.
I'M VERY EASYGOING.
OH, NO. NO, YOU'RE NOT.
503
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,915
ASK THE GIRLS.
I DID.
504
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:51,418
I ASKED THE GIRLS, AND YOU'RE
NOT THE EASYGOING ONE.
505
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,986
I'M THE EASYGOING ONE.
506
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,889
OKAY, FINE.
LET'S HAVE IT YOUR WAY AGAIN.
507
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,425
TELL YOU WHAT, GIVE ME THE MAT.
I'LL TAKE IT OUT FRONT.
508
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,992
HUH? W--
509
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,295
N--
YEAH.
510
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,163
NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, YOU --
YEAH, I'LL TAKE IT OUT --
511
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,998
I'LL TAKE IT OUT --
NO, YOU DON'T GET
TO TURN THIS AROUND.
512
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,600
NO, 'CAUSE -- 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT
THE EASYGOING ONE.
513
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:09,135
I'M -- I'M
THE EASYGOING ONE.
514
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,770
WELL, I'LL TAKE IT OUT --
AND NO, NO, NO.
515
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,105
YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS MAT.
I'M KEEPING YOUR MAT.
516
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:17,477
ALL RIGHT, WELL, ONCE AGAIN,
YOU GET YOUR WAY.
517
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,178
[ SIGHS ]
518
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,689
YOU'RE GONNA DIE FIRST.
38835
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