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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,204 "LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED 2 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,872 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,874 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LEFT THAT GUY MY NUMBER. 4 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,209 YOU WEREN'T GOING TO. 5 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,611 BECAUSE HE DRIVES A MINIVAN WITH A DENT IN IT. 6 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,114 YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DENTED IT. WAIT. W-W-WAIT. HOLD IT. 7 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,615 MANDY, YOU DENTED A CAR? 8 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:15,749 A PARKED CAR. 9 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:19,287 IN HER DEFENSE, SHE WAS SWERVING TO AVOID A TREE. 10 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,621 AND YOU WEREN'T GONNA LEAVE A NOTE? 11 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:21,789 OH, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY? 12 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,624 "UH, SORRY THAT I HIT YOUR CAR. 13 00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,259 UH, HERE'S MY NUMBER." 14 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:27,128 YES. YES. 15 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,296 OKAY, IF I HAD TO STOP 16 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,498 AND LEAVE NOTES ON EVERYTHING THAT I'VE BANGED INTO, 17 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,500 I WOULD NEVER GET ANYWHERE. 18 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,335 COME ON, MANDY. YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT. 19 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,437 W-WHAT'S YOUR DAD ALWAYS GOING ON AND ON ABOUT? 20 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,939 MM, OBAMA, BENGHAZI, "WHEN ARE THE YEKEKIANS 21 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,275 GOING TO TAKE DOWN THEIR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS?" 22 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,943 PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. 23 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,145 OH, RIGHT. 24 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,147 I THINK THAT PART KIND OF GETS LOST IN ALL THE CRAZY. 25 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,515 HEY, HEY. HI. 26 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,083 WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR CAR? 27 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,451 [ CHUCKLES ] YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY. [ DOOR CLOSES ] 28 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,620 THAT'S NOT A BOAST YOU SHOULD MAKE TO THE GUY 29 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,755 PAYING FOR YOUR INSURANCE. 30 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,757 SHE BUMPED A PARKED CAR. BUT DON'T WORRY. 31 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,260 I DID THE RIGHT THING, AND I LEFT A NOTE. I LEFT A NOTE. 32 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,828 WHY ARE YOU LEAVING THE NOTE? HEY, WHAT'S THE DEAL 33 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,330 WITH THE YEKEKIANS AND THEIR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, THOUGH? 34 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,597 [ Chuckling ] AM I RIGHT? 35 00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,233 YEAH, I WAS TELLING HER, HONEY, 36 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,435 OWNING UP TO YOUR MISTAKES IS ITS OWN REWARD. 37 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,103 IT'S CALLED INTEGRITY. 38 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,938 IT'S SOMETHING OBAMA DOESN'T HAVE WITH THAT BENGHAZI THING. OKAY. 39 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,340 BUT STILL -- YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 40 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,041 WHEN ARE THE YEKEKIANS GONNA TAKE THOSE STUPID 41 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,576 CHRISTMAS LIGHTS DOWN? I DON'T KNOW. 42 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,279 WHY IS EVE WRITING NOTES FOR HER? 43 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:21,349 UH, MANDY WOULDN'T DO IT. I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN HER. 44 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:24,185 WELL, AT LEAST THE GOOD ONE KNOWS RIGHT FROM WRONG. 45 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,787 OH. ALL OUR GIRLS ARE EQUALLY GOOD. 46 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,122 OH, YEAH. KEEP BEATING THAT DRUM. 47 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,790 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 48 00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,359 [ SIGHS ] 49 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:32,560 BAXTER. HEY. 50 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,128 HEY, WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING 51 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,063 THIS MANGY CRITTER OVER HERE FOR? 52 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,065 LADY'S A PUREBRED GERMAN SHEPHERD. 53 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,200 I WAS TALKING TO LADY. 54 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,269 Vanessa: OH. COME ON. 55 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:43,271 SERIOUSLY, MIKE. COME ON IN, CHUCK. 56 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,305 [ SIGHS ] OKAY. 57 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,307 WELL, WE CAN'T STAY LONG BECAUSE... 58 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,108 [ SIGHS ] ...I DON'T WANT TO. 59 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,779 LISTEN, I WENT TO THE BREEDERS TODAY, 60 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:52,913 AND A FUNNY THING -- 61 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,616 IT TURNS OUT LADY IS ALREADY PREGNANT. 62 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,718 NOW, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT HAPPENED, BAXTER? 63 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,422 WELL, WHEN, UH...WHEN TWO DOGS REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER... 64 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,725 ...AND THEY HAVE ENOUGH TEQUILA -- 65 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,728 [ SIGHS ] I NEVER LEAVE HER AROUND MALE DOGS. 66 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,231 THEN, I REMEMBER WHEN EVE VOLUNTEERED 67 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,899 TO WATCH LADY FOR THE WEEKEND. 68 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,100 YEAH. 69 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,969 THERE IS ONE DOG SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD CONTACT WITH. 70 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,141 OH. [ Chuckling ] OH. 71 00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,311 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. 72 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,946 MUFFIN IS LESS A DOG THAN A THROW PILLOW. 73 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,815 OH. 74 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:31,151 [ Chuckling ] AND, NUMBER TWO, MUFFIN IS A GIRL. 75 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,653 UH, HONEY, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? 76 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:33,787 MUFFIN'S A MALE. 77 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,059 S-S-SINCE WHEN? 78 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,561 WELL -- 79 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,464 YOU NEVER CHECKED YOUR DOG'S UNDERCARRIAGE, BAXTER? 80 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,833 WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. 81 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,669 COME HERE. COME HERE. COME HERE JUST FOR A SECOND. 82 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:49,970 LET ME SEE YOU. [ SIGHS ] 83 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,972 IT'S MOSTLY FLUFF DOWN THERE. 84 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,675 KIND OF LIKE AN EARLY PENTHOUSE MAGAZINE. 85 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,176 YEAH, WELL, LOOK CLOSE. 86 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,680 THEY'RE A LOT TINIER ON THE WHITE ONES. 87 00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,584 I'LL BE DAMNED. 88 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,254 OH. WELL, KIND OF MAKES ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE 89 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,789 WITH ALL THE NAPS WE'VE TAKEN TOGETHER. 90 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,392 I FEEL WEIRD THAT YOU FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THAT. 91 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,795 HOW IS THAT DOG NOT FIXED, BAXTER? 92 00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,698 HAS SARAH McLACHLAN TAUGHT YOU PEOPLE NOTHING? 93 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,501 WAIT -- THE -- HOLD -- LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT. 94 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,869 YOU BROUGHT A DOG IN HEAT 95 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,871 INTO A HOME WITH A WELL-KNOWN PLAYER. 96 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,205 GIVE ME FIVE. 97 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,376 I ONLY ALLOW LADY TO BREED 98 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,811 WITH OTHER PUREBRED GERMAN SHEPHERDS. 99 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,381 WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TEACH LADY HOW TO SAY, "NEIN!" 100 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:38,185 I GET LIKE $500 OR $600 APIECE FOR LADY'S PUPS. 101 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,322 SWEET. WHAT'S OUR CUT OF THAT? 102 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:44,825 NOBODY IS GONNA WANT WHATEVER WEIRD MONSTER BABIES 103 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,827 COME OUT OF HER NOW! 104 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:51,499 HALF GERMAN SHEPHERD, HALF...DUST BUNNY! 105 00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,701 W-WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING ON DOING ABOUT THIS, BAXTER? 106 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,902 ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE 107 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,537 SHE HASN'T BEEN WITH ANY OTHER DOGS? 108 00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:00,207 WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING? 109 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,776 THAT LADY...IS A TRAMP. 110 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:07,214 WALK AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD IN A FUR COAT WITH NO PANTS -- 111 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,916 WHAT DID YOU EXPECT WAS GONNA HAPPEN? 112 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:12,553 WHAT DO YOU WANT, BAXTER, A PATERNITY TEST? 113 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,854 THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 114 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,989 MAYBE LATER ON, MUFFIN AND I STOP BY YOUR HOUSE 115 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,091 AND DROP A DNA SAMPLE ON YOUR FRONT LAWN. 116 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:23,764 -- Captions by VITAC -- 117 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,035 I'M JUST HAVING TROUBLE 118 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:30,804 PICTURING HOW THIS WAS POSSIBLE BETWEEN MUFFIN AND LADY. 119 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,641 WELL, MUFFIN'S A RESOURCEFUL LITTLE GUY, YOU KNOW? 120 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,076 MAYBE HE GOT UP ON THE PICNIC TABLE. 121 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,079 WHICH I WILL NO LONGER BE EATING OFF OF. 122 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,516 AND MAYBE THEY, UH, DID IT "PEOPLE STYLE." 123 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,518 YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? 124 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,354 WE GOT TO MAKE THIS RIGHT WITH THE LARABEES. 125 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,556 CAROL IS MY CLOSEST FRIEND IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 126 00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:51,325 THIS IS ON LADY FOR NOT BEING CAREFUL. 127 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,660 BECAUSE, WHEN IT COMES TO BIRTH CONTROL, 128 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,795 THE FEMALE BEARS TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY. 129 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,430 WELL, IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BEAR PUPPIES, SHE DOES. 130 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,800 OH, MY GOD. BEAR PUPPIES ARE SO CUTE. 131 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,034 [ LAUGHS ] 132 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,203 MUFFIN IS GONNA MAKE SUCH A GREAT DAD. AREN'T YOU? 133 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:04,872 "HEY! YOU KIDS KNOCK IT OFF BACK THERE, 134 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,040 "OR I'M GONNA TURN THIS CAR RIGHT AROUND! 135 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,208 STOP!" 136 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:11,078 UH, SO, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WITH THE PUPPIES? 137 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,413 UH, WHAT PUPPIES? 138 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:15,849 OH, UH, MUFFIN KNOCKED UP THE LARABEES' GERMAN SHEPHERD. 139 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,586 [ SIGHS ] AND, LOOK, DIDN'T SKIP TOWN. 140 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,589 BOYD, IT'S TIME FOR DINNER, SWEETIE. 141 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,892 SO, MUFFIN IMPREGNATED A DOG FOUR TIMES HIS SIZE? 142 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,595 TOM CRUISE KNOCKED UP KATIE HOLMES. 143 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,565 ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. [ CHUCKLES ] 144 00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,300 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MUFFIN WAS A MALE. 145 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:37,104 SEE? HE FOOLS EVERYBODY WITH THAT SQUAT-AND-PEE THING. 146 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,439 WELL... FIRST THING'S FIRST -- 147 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,207 WE REALLY SHOULD GET HIM NEUTERED. 148 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,042 TAKE HIS NUTS OFF? OH, HONEY. 149 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,712 AFTER WHAT THOSE LITTLE NUGGETS ACCOMPLISHED? 150 00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:47,381 HEY. NOBODY ANSWERED ME. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN WITH THE PUPPIES? 151 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,617 WELL [SIGHS] THE LARABEES WILL PROBABLY TRY 152 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,918 TO FIND THEM GOOD HOMES. 153 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,119 WHICH WILL BE TRICKY 154 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,121 'CAUSE NOBODY REALLY WANTS A MALTESE SHEPHERD. 155 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,122 A GERM-TESE. 156 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,957 MAL-- MALL-TURD? [ CHUCKLES ] 157 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,959 OKAY, SO, IF THEY CAN'T FIND HOMES... 158 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,561 WELL, IF THEY CAN'T FIND HOMES, 159 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,262 THEN THEY'LL END UP AT THE POUND, 160 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,964 AND THEY'LL PROBABLY BE JUST DESTR-- 161 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,966 H-HEY. HI. HEY. 162 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,134 UH, DID, UH -- 163 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,335 MAYBE YOU SHOULD WASH YOUR HANDS, HONEY. 164 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,870 YEAH. I ALREADY WASHED THEM. 165 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,171 DID THOSE FINGERS END UP IN YOUR NOSE SINCE THEN? 166 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:14,174 ONLY THESE TWO. AAH. 167 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,376 GO, GO, GO. WASH THEM AGAIN. LET'S GO. 168 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,377 [ SIGHS ] 169 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,546 THERE'S VERY LITTLE CHANCE 170 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,180 THOSE PUPPIES WILL END UP IN THE POUND. 171 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,281 OH. THAT'S A RELIEF. 172 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,383 HE'S JUST GONNA TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY. 173 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,085 OH, DAD, WHAT? OH, MIKE. COME ON. 174 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,587 WELL, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS -- THEY'LL GET RID OF THE BABIES 175 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,255 SO SHE CAN GO THROUGH ANOTHER BREEDING CYCLE. 176 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,389 THAT'S JUST WHAT HAPPENS, GUYS. 177 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,658 WELL, WE CAN'T LET HIM DO THAT. 178 00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,092 DAD, WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM. 179 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,762 DON'T WE HAVE ANY RIGHTS? MUFFIN IS THE FATHER. 180 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,930 WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU SAYING SOMEONE OTHER THAN THE MOTHER 181 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,166 HAS RIGHTS DURING THE PREGNANCY? 182 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:42,936 "ONE OF MY PUPPIES COULD GROW UP TO CURE CANCER!" 183 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,071 I AM JUST SAYING 184 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,406 THAT YOU AND CHUCK SHOULD WORK SOMETHING OUT. 185 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,608 NO, NO. NO, NO. 186 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,177 THIS IS A CHOICE BETWEEN LADY AND HER PHYSICIAN. 187 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,580 MAYBE SHE'S NOT READY TO HAVE CHILDREN. 188 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,981 MAYBE THIS IS AN INCONVENIENT TIME. 189 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,883 MAYBE SHE WANTS TO GO BACK TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL, YOU KNOW? 190 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,618 WHATEVER. 191 00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,687 THE FATHER HAS NO RIGHTS WHEN IT COMES TO PREGNANCY. 192 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,289 YEAH, BUT HE HAS PLENTY TO SAY BEFORE THE PREGNANCY. 193 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,124 BY USING BIRTH CONTROL OR SELF-CONTROL -- 194 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,994 TWO THINGS GUYS KIND OF STINK AT. AMEN. 195 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,529 IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S TRYING 196 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,598 TO DITCH OUT ON THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES, MIKE. 197 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,933 I DIDN'T GET THE DOG PREGNANT. 198 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:16,136 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MUFFIN HAD THE EQUIPMENT. 199 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,138 ALL RIGHT. LET'S PRAY. WE EAT. 200 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,139 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] SORRY. 201 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,741 PLEASE, PUT THE PHONES DOWN. 202 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,043 [ INHALE SHARPLY ] OH, NO. IT'S AN UNKNOWN NUMBER. 203 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,712 OH, I BET IT'S THAT CAR YOU BUMPED. 204 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,180 MANDY, ANSWER IT. YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM IT. 205 00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,850 HI. THIS IS MANDY BAXTER. 206 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:30,984 HEY, HEY, HEY. 207 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,153 SEE IF HE WANTS A MONSTER PUPPY AS PAYMENT. 208 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,855 STOP. 209 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,464 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 210 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,203 OH. HEY, CAROL. IS CHUCK AROUND? 211 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:52,039 SORRY, MIKE. HE'S NOT HERE. 212 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,874 OH, OKAY, WOULD YOU TELL HIM THAT VANESSA AND I 213 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:58,478 FIGURED IT PROBABLY WAS MUFFIN THAT GOT HIS FREAK ON WITH LADY? 214 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,147 OH, WELL, LADY IS A BIG GIRL, 215 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,716 AND BY THAT I MEAN SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T NOTICE. 216 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,886 UM, WELL, W-WHATEVER THE COSTS, 217 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,588 W-WE'LL SHARE THEM WITH YOU. OKAY. 218 00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:10,257 'CAUSE IT'S -- YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 219 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,292 FINE. YOU'RE WELCOME. 220 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,460 I DIDN'T SAY "THANK YOU." 221 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:17,464 I KNOW YOU DIDN'T, BUT...YOU'RE WELCOME. 222 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,599 LISTEN. [ CHUCKLES ] 223 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,100 I'LL TELL CHUCK. I PROMISE. 224 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,469 BUT I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHEN I'M GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN. 225 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,971 AH, DON'T WORRY. I'M SURE HE'LL COME BACK. 226 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,272 DON'T LET THE STATISTICS SCARE YOU. 227 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,506 [ CHUCKLES ] 228 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:32,112 THAT'S -- THAT'S A KIND OF JOKE CHUCK ENJOYS. 229 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,782 MM. HE REALLY DOESN'T. 230 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,184 BUT HE'S NOT HERE. HE MOVED OUT. 231 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,986 OUT? 232 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,021 OUT -- ALMOST A WEEK AGO. 233 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,823 I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. I REALLY AM. 234 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,191 SO, UM, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, 235 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,525 WHERE -- WHERE DID HE MOVE TO? 236 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,527 HE'S STAYING TEMPORARILY OVER AT THE PINEWOOD, 237 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,763 THOSE FURNISHED APARTMENTS YOU CAN RENT BY THE WEEK. 238 00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:50,764 RI-- [ LAUGHS ] 239 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,099 IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE A LOT OF GUYS 240 00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:55,135 RENT THOSE BY THE BY THE HOUR 'CAUSE THE -- 241 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:58,305 I DON'T -- I'M S-- I DON'T -- I DON'T -- I DON'T -- 242 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,273 I DON'T THINK CHUCK DID IT THAT WAY, THOUGH. 243 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,551 HEY. HI. 244 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,121 SO...HOW PISSED WAS THE GUY ABOUT HIS CAR. 245 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,756 DID HE YELL? DID HE SLAP YOU? 246 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,057 YOU KNOW WHAT? 247 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,827 HE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY IMPRESSED THAT I LEFT A NOTE. 248 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,595 BUTLEFT THE NOTE. 249 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,631 YEAH, IT TURNS OUT THAT HE OWNS THAT ELECTRONICS STORE 250 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:24,965 WHERE WE PARKED, 251 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:28,636 AND HE SAID THAT MY HONESTY RESTORED HIS FAITH IN HUMANITY. 252 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,672 AND THEN HE GATHERED ALL OF HIS EMPLOYEES AROUND. 253 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,174 AND...THEY SLAPPED YOU? 254 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,542 THEY APPLAUDED ME. 255 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,844 AND THEN... 256 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,311 HE GAVE ME AN iPAD! 257 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,948 WHAT? YEAH! 258 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,783 YEAH, HE SAID I SHOULD BE REWARDED FOR MY INTEGRITY. 259 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,886 MM-HMM. BUT IT'S MY INTEGRITY, SO IT'S MY iPAD. 260 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,755 OOH, EVE, EVE, EVE. NO. 261 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:48,822 JUST TRY BEING A BETTER PERSON. 262 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,157 GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU, TOO. 263 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,060 [ SIGHS ] 264 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,261 HEY, HONEY? YEAH? 265 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,996 GOOD NIGHT, GIRLS. GOOD NIGHT. Both: GOOD NIGHT. 266 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,831 YOU READY FOR BED? AS A MATTER OF FACT, I AM. 267 00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,700 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA GET SOME CEREAL. I'LL BE UP. 268 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,835 OKAY. OH, HEY. YOU KNOW WHAT? 269 00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,804 YOU NEVER TOLD ME HOW THINGS WENT WITH CHUCK. 270 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,372 ARE YOU TWO, UH, ALL BACK TO NORMAL? 271 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,473 IN THAT WE STILL DISLIKE EACH OTHER? 272 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,008 THAT'S NEVER GONNA CHANGE. 273 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,142 HE ACTUALLY WASN'T THERE. 274 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,844 BUT, UH, CAROL GAVE ME HIS NEW ADDRESS. 275 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:12,312 NEW ADDRESS? WHAT NEW ADDRESS? 276 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,181 ARE THE LARABEES MOVING? 277 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,582 JUST CHUCK. 278 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,117 WHAT? 279 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,653 HEY, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT CHUCK LEFT CAROL? 280 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,221 I DON'T KNOW. WE -- WE DIDN'T GET INTO IT. 281 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,291 [ GASPS ] I -- [ SIGHS ] I'M SHOCKED. 282 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:25,492 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT REALLY SHOCKED. 283 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:26,526 I THINK SHE WOKE UP ONE DAY 284 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:30,030 AND WENT, "DAMN, I'M MARRIED TO CHUCK?" 285 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,900 EITHER WAY, HONEY, THIS IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS, OKAY? 286 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,368 NO. NO. I JUST -- I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DIDN'T TELL ME. 287 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,705 I-I JUST SAW HER YESTERDAY, AND SHE NEVER LET ON. 288 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,908 I GUESS IT'S TRUE -- BLACK DON'T CRACK. 289 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,645 THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS. 290 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:46,947 I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS OKAY, 291 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,648 AND SHE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY "FINE." 292 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:49,950 BUT SHE IS FINE. NO, SHE LIED RIGHT TO MY FACE. 293 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:50,951 NO, SHE IS FINE. NO. 294 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,019 SHE SAID "FINE" TO ME, TOO. 295 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,520 YOU KNOW THAT FEELING THAT WASHES OVER YOU 296 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,888 EVERY TIME CHUCK LEAVES THE ROOM? 297 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,858 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 298 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,659 I'M GOING TO SEE MY DEAR FRIEND CAROL LARABEE. 299 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:00,894 YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? 300 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:03,163 NO, I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY 301 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,766 AND THAT SHE KNOWS THAT I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR HER. 302 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,268 DON'T GO OVER THERE NOW! THERE'S NO REASON TO -- 303 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,903 SEE IF SHE'S GOT MILK. 304 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,573 AND, HEY, WATCH YOUR STEP. 305 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,709 I MADE GOOD ON THAT DNA PROMISE, TOO. 306 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:18,078 [ SIGHS ] 307 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,116 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 308 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,054 VANESSA? 309 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,555 OH, CAROL, HONEY, MIKE TOLD ME ABOUT CHUCK. 310 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,390 YOU -- YOU MUST BE DEVASTATED. 311 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,759 YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY A VERY PRIVATE PERSON 312 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,093 WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS LIKE THIS. 313 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,561 RIGHT. MM-HMM. I'M HOPING YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THAT. 314 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,396 BUT WE'RE FRIENDS. I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD. 315 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,498 COME ON IN. 316 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,900 I KNOW, SWEETIE. I-I-I HATE TO INTRUDE. 317 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,235 BUT HOW -- HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP? 318 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,904 THIS IS PROBABLY THE WORST OF IT RIGHT HERE. 319 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,005 YEAH. 320 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,239 YEAH, LISTEN, CAROL, 321 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,507 YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE STRONG FOR ME. 322 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,509 IF THERE'S ONE THING I'VE LEARNED AS A MILITARY WIFE, 323 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,378 IT'S HOW TO GET ALONG WITHOUT MY HUSBAND. 324 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,980 MM. YEAH. AND, WITH ALL THAT MOVING AROUND, 325 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,381 NOT TO GET TOO CLOSE TO THE NEIGHBORS. 326 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:55,382 SO... 327 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,018 WELL, WAIT, LISTEN. 328 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,587 CAROL, I MEAN, W-WHEN DID CHUCK LEAVE HOME? 329 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,622 A WEEK AGO. WHAT? 330 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,925 A-A WEEK AGO? BUT -- BUT I JUST SAW YOU YESTERDAY. 331 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,327 WE WENT TO A MOVIE. WHY -- WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THEN? 332 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,762 I DON'T TALK IN MOVIE THEATERS. 333 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:09,830 I -- MOST OF US DON'T. 334 00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:11,331 I KNOW, BUT -- TELL YOUR FRIENDS. 335 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,399 [ SIGHS ] 336 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:13,533 ALTHOUGH, I DID AGREE WITH THAT WOMAN 337 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,035 WHO YELLED, "WATCH OUT, GRAVITY! 338 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,338 DON'T LET GO OF THAT SPACESHIP!" 339 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,506 I'M SORRY. 340 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,708 I THOUGHT WE WERE -- WERE CLOSER THAN THAT. 341 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,510 WELL, IF YOU HAD ASKED ME ABOUT CHUCK, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. 342 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,912 WELL -- "ASKED YOU?" 343 00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,746 WELL, CAROL, I-I-I CAN'T ASK YOU ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING. 344 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,548 I MEAN, I-I CAN'T ASK YOU EVERY TIME I SEE YOU 345 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,050 IF YOU HAVE SOME TERRIBLE DISEASE. 346 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,284 [ GASPS ] 347 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:32,986 PLEASE TELL ME YOU DON'T HAVE A TERRIBLE DISEASE! 348 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,221 PLEASE. [ LAUGHS ] 349 00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,356 IF I DID, WOULD YOU STOP YELLING AT ME? 350 00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,125 OH, I AM SO SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. 351 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,793 I'M SORRY, TOO. AW. 352 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,829 I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW CHUCK AND ME HAVING A BIG FIGHT 353 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,997 WOULD CAUSE YOU THIS MUCH PAIN. NO, IT'S JUST -- NO. 354 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,333 OH. [ Voice breaking ] I JUST -- 355 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,002 OH, I WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU, CAROL. 356 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:53,807 AND I JUST...I DON'T KNOW. I WANT YOU TO WANT ME, TOO. 357 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,642 OH, COME ON, HONEY. 358 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,310 [ SOBBING ] THERE, THERE. 359 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,779 OH, YOU GONNA GET OVER THIS, GIRL. OHH. 360 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,327 OH, THERE SHE IS, MY GOOD SAMARITAN, MANDY. HI. 361 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,395 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 362 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:16,897 DON'T TELL ME -- YOU DENTED MY CAR AGAIN. 363 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,265 [ LAUGHS ] 364 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,666 BUT, OF COURSE, YOU WOULD TELL ME 365 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,168 BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH AN HONEST PERSON. 366 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,336 AWW. YEAH, NO. I WAS REALLY CAREFUL THIS TIME. 367 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,338 I JUST PARKED IN THE HANDICAPPED SPOT. 368 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,340 OKAY. 369 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,342 SO, ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR iPAD? 370 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,410 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 371 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,280 WELL...I KIND OF THOUGHT THAT IT'D HAVE, LIKE, 372 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,382 MORE GIGS AND MAYBE THE RETINA DISPLAY, 373 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,185 SO I WAS HOPING THAT I COULD JUST RETURN IT FOR CASH. 374 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:40,520 LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YEAH. 375 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,855 YOU DENT MY CAR. MM-HMM. 376 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,323 AND I REWARD YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY 377 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:44,691 BY GIVING YOU A BEAUTIFUL GIFT. 378 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,793 YES, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL -- 379 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,863 BUT ALSO SORT OF, LIKE, THE BASE MODEL. 380 00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,631 AND NOW YOU WANT TO RETURN IT TO ME 381 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,333 AND EXPECT ME TO GIVE YOU CASH? 382 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,435 MM-HMM. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THANK YOU. 383 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:56,636 HOW DARE YOU?! 384 00:13:56,669 --> 00:14:00,340 OKAY, UM...STORE CREDIT IS TOTALLY FINE. 385 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,575 ALTHOUGH, LIKE, I'M NOT REALLY SEEING ANYTHING 386 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,411 THAT I LOVE, BUT... 387 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,346 YOU UNGRATEFUL CRIMINAL. 388 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,447 WHAT? 389 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,082 EVERYONE, GATHER 'ROUND. YOU REMEMBER MANDY. 390 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,250 [ APPLAUSE ] 391 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,419 NO CLAPPING! 392 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,054 SHE IS NO LONGER OUR FRIEND. 393 00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,456 SHE IS HERE TODAY THROWING MY GIFT IN MY FACE 394 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,658 AND BREAKING MY HEART. 395 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,659 GIVE ME THAT. NO. 396 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,861 NO GIFT FOR YOU. 397 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:24,864 HA. JOKE'S ON YOU BECAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THAT NOTE. 398 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,399 MY SISTER DID. 399 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:27,534 OH, WELL, HA. 400 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,536 JOKE'S BACK ON YOU BECAUSE I'M GONNA CALL 401 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,238 YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY FOR THAT DENT. 402 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,405 OH, HA HA! 403 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,074 JOKE'S BACK ON YOU BECAUSE THAT BILL 404 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,408 GOES STRAIGHT TO MY DAD. 405 00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,843 WELL, HA. 406 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,146 THE JOKE'S ON YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING TOWED RIGHT NOW. 407 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,451 SO MUCH FOR YOUR NO-HASSLE RETURN POLICY. 408 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:50,457 DOC, I'LL BRING HIM OVER RIGHT NOW. 409 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,758 YEAH, YEAH. THANKS. 410 00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:54,094 [ SIGHS ] 411 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,695 LISTEN, I'M SORRY IT'S COME TO THIS, MUFFIN. 412 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,530 I'LL GIVE YOU A FEW MINUTES TO KISS THEM GOODBYE. 413 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,068 I'M GONNA HEAD OUT. MM. 414 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,269 YOU GOING TO THE VET? 415 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,903 I CAN'T GET THIS OPERATION OFF MY MIND. 416 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,507 TODAY, AT STARBUCKS, I ORDERED A MUFFIN WITHOUT NUTS. 417 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,442 HONEY, HE'LL SLEEP, AND WHEN HE WAKES UP, 418 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:10,978 HE WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 419 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,946 HE'S A GUY. HE'LL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 420 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,282 IF IT HAPPENED TO ME, I'D KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 421 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,284 IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU, YOU'D HAVE TO FIGURE OUT 422 00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,086 SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WHILE YOU WATCH TV. 423 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,421 LISTEN. [ SIGHS ] 424 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:24,591 CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE LARABEES? THIS IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 425 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,026 I TRIED TO GET CAROL TO OPEN UP ABOUT IT, BUT -- 426 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,794 BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 427 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,963 CHUCK'S RETIREMENT IS THE PROBLEM. 428 00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:32,299 SEE, HE'S AROUND ALL THE TIME WITH NOTHING TO DO, 429 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,201 AND HE PRETENDS IT DOESN'T AFFECT HIM, 430 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,436 BUT THE GUY FEELS LIKE HE'S LOST HIS PURPOSE. 431 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:37,837 YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T GET HER TO OPEN UP. 432 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,007 WELL -- I DON'T KNOW THIS MUCH ABOUT JESUS, 433 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,508 AND I READ THE WHOLE BOOK. 434 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,211 WELL...I HAD TO FILL IN A LOT OF THE BLANKS. 435 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:45,812 LOOK, I KNOW CAROL WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW 436 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,414 THAT HER PUSHING ME AWAY, IT'S REALLY -- 437 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,648 REALLY A PLEA FOR HELP. 438 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,684 OR A PLEA FOR YOU TO GO AWAY! 439 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,020 WELL, YOU'LL TALK TO HIM, 440 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,921 AND YOU'LL GET CHUCK'S SIDE OF THE STORY. 441 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,056 I DON'T WANT CHUCK'S SIDE OF THE STORY! 442 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,157 WHY AM I INVOLVED IN THIS? 443 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,158 LOOK, THE GUY IS LOST. 444 00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,492 HE'S OVER THERE BREEDING DOGS 445 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,329 BECAUSE CAROL TALKED HIM OUT OF GETTING CHICKENS. 446 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,530 LISTEN, YOU KNOW THE WON-- 447 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,864 WONDERFUL THING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS? 448 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,566 THEY'RE OTHER PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS. 449 00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:07,767 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 450 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,002 DO WHAT YOU WANT, BUT THE GUY DESERVES OUR HELP. 451 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,338 HE'S A NEIGHBOR, HE'S A FRIEND, AND HE'S A VET. 452 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,006 WELL, HE'S NOT THE KIND OF VET THAT COULD HELP ME OUT WITH MUFFIN. 453 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,074 I'LL TELL YOU THAT. 454 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,145 OH, COME ON. 455 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,979 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIGURE OUT SOMETHING ELSE TO DO 456 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,681 WHEN YOU WATCH TV. 457 00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,655 OKAY, LADY. 458 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,990 NOW, I RAN OUT OF BROWN, 459 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:35,095 SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO PAINT YOUR EYES GREEN! 460 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,363 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 461 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:39,366 OKAY, WELL, YOU JUST STAY THERE. I'LL GET IT. 462 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:43,370 IF IT'S AN INTRUDER, I'LL BITE HIM. 463 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,537 [ SIGHS ] 464 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,373 COME HERE. BAX-- BAXTER? 465 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,707 HOLD ON A SECOND. COME HERE! 466 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:51,044 COME HERE, YOU LITTLE HORN DOG! THAT'S CAT, DAMN IT. 467 00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:53,213 OH. GEEZ. 468 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,115 DID YOU BRING HIM AROUND HERE TO GLOAT? 469 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,783 NO, NO. ON MY WAY TO GET HIM FIXED. 470 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,585 I FIGURED, MAYBE FOR OLD TIME'S SAKES, 471 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,053 THAT LADY WOULD TOSS HIM ONE. 472 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:03,090 [ GROANS ] WE'RE NOT INTERESTED. 473 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,424 [ DOOR CLOSES ] [ LADY WHINES ] 474 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,293 I SAID WE'RE NOT INTERESTED. 475 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,694 ACTUALLY, THE REASON I STOPPED BY -- 476 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,229 I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAROL TOLD YOU, 477 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,398 BUT I'M WILLING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THOSE PUPPIES. 478 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,066 OH. 479 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:18,405 I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO CAROL, BUT, UH...BUT THANKS. 480 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,741 AND, UH...OH, WHEN YOU -- WHEN YOU SPOKE TO CAROL, 481 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:26,012 DID, UH -- DID SHE, UH -- DID SHE SEEM OKAY? 482 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,747 YEAH, I GUESS. I DIDN'T TALK TO HER MUCH. 483 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,582 I TALKED TO HER BOYFRIEND. MAN, HE CAN COOK. 484 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:32,085 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS MAKING. 485 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,286 PAINTING THE DEN THERE. 486 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,622 PUTTING HIS FURNITURE IN IT. [ LAUGHS ] OH, BAXTER. 487 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,290 I'D REALLY HOPED CAROL 488 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:40,793 WOULD GET CUSTODY OF YOU IN THE BREAKUP. 489 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:44,464 YOU KNOW, I -- ENH-ENH! 490 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,767 OH, THAT -- MAN, THAT'S SOMETHING, HUH? 491 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,102 [ SIGHS ] 492 00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,937 WHICH ONE OF YOU PAINTED THIS? 493 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:53,273 IT'S -- IT'S A NEW HOBBY. 494 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,275 I'M NOT -- NOT REALLY GOOD AT HOBBIES. [ SIGHS ] 495 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,144 NOT REALLY GOOD AT PAINTING, EITHER. 496 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:01,281 CHUCK... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 497 00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:04,184 I'M TRYING TO ENJOY MY RETIREMENT. 498 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,353 BUT MY WIFE THINKS I NEED TO BE DOING STUFF. 499 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,054 I-I DON'T WANT TO -- I DON'T WANT TO 500 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,623 CLEAN RAIN GUTTERS OR -- OR BUILD SHELVES 501 00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,959 OR PLANT HER A LITTLE PATCH OF OREGANO. 502 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,362 I DO NOT LIKE OREGANO! 503 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,829 IF YOU GARDEN LIKE YOU PAINT, 504 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,565 YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. 505 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,968 THE WOMAN WON'T ACCEPT THAT I JUST LIKE TO DO NOTHING. 506 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:22,969 IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. 507 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,471 I MEAN, YOU ARE IN YOUR LATE 40s. 508 00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,806 THAT'S GENERALLY THE TIME THAT MEN JUST SIT BACK 509 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,475 AND WAIT TO DIE. 510 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:31,644 SOMETIMES, DEATH CAN JUST SPRING UP ON A MAN, 511 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,214 LIKE WHEN HE'S BOTHERING A MARINE. 512 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,583 LISTEN, I GET IT. 513 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,084 I GET WHAT IT'S LIKE COMING HOME. 514 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,187 I WAS ON THE ROAD FOR EIGHT YEARS OF MY MARRIAGE 515 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,821 SHOOTING PICTURES FOR OUTDOOR MAN. 516 00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,656 WELL, UNLESS THOSE PICTURES WERE SHOOTING BACK, 517 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,725 IT'S NOT REALLY THE SAME THING. 518 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,327 I'M TALKING ABOUT WHEN I GOT HIM, 519 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,330 MY WIFE HAD ALL SORTS OF IDEAS HOW I SHOULD SPEND MY TIME. 520 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:51,531 [ SIGHS ] 521 00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,866 DIDN'T LIKE IT, BUT, I MEAN, I DIDN'T JUST BAIL OUT. 522 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,102 [ SIGHS ] WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, BAXTER? 523 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,238 THAT ALL I'VE EVER DONE IS SERVE MY COUNTRY, 524 00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,839 AND WITHOUT IT I'M LOST? 525 00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:02,209 THAT MY WHOLE IDENTITY WAS TIED UP WITH BEING A MARINE, 526 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:03,876 AND NOW I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM? 527 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,379 OR -- OR -- OR -- OH, I-I'M AFRAID. 528 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,714 OH, YEAH, NOW, THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. 529 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,049 I'M AFRAID TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP IN MY LIFE 530 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:13,520 BECAUSE WHAT IF I TRY SOMETHING NEW AND I FAIL? 531 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,388 UH...EXHIBIT "A." 532 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,158 I RAN OUT OF BROWN! 533 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,660 LOOK, I-I GOT HOME, 534 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:22,462 AND I HAD TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO REINVENT MYSELF. 535 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,197 YOU GOT TO REINVENT YOURSELF. 536 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,333 [ SIGHS ] I GET IT, BAXTER. 537 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,700 NO, BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE. 538 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,469 YOU GOT TO REINVENT YOURSELF AROUND THE -- 539 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,471 THE NEW PLATOON YOU GOT TO SPEND TIME WITH. 540 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,474 IT'S YOUR WIFE AND KID. 541 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:35,875 YOU GOT TO GO HOME, MAN. 542 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,045 [ SIGHS ] 543 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,913 YOU'RE WELCOME. 544 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,983 I DIDN'T SAY "THANK YOU." 545 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,853 IT'S TIME TO GO GET SNIPPED. 546 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,222 I'M GONNA PUT THEM ON A KEY CHAIN. 547 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,426 YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID YOU MISSED ME, BAXTER. 548 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:54,461 YEAH, I COULD HAVE. 549 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,897 LISTEN, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE CAROL A COURTESY CALL 550 00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,732 IN CASE SOMEONE'S THERE PLANTING HER OREGANO. 551 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:01,368 [ LAUGHS ] [ DOOR CLOSES ] 552 00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,475 HI, THERE. 553 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:11,911 MIKE "THE MOOSE" BAXTER HERE FOR OUTDOOR MAN. 554 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,414 [ HOWLS ] 555 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:17,684 ANNOUNCING OUR FIRST ANNUAL MARRIAGE-SAVER SALE. 556 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,085 20% OFF EVERYTHING 557 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:22,789 WE SELL DESIGNED TO HELP YOU SPEND TIME AWAY FROM HOME... 558 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:26,125 WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING WE SELL HERE AT OUTDOOR MAN. 559 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,127 BECAUSE NOTHING IS BETTER FOR A MARRIAGE 560 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,631 THAN NOT BEING AROUND EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. 561 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:35,134 ASK A MAN WHY HE GOES TO WORK. HE'LL SAY, "TO EARN A LIVING." 562 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,470 BUT COME ON -- WITH THE INTERNET, THESE DAYS, 563 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,973 MOST JOBS COULD BE DONE AT HOME RIGHT NEXT TO THE LITTLE LADY. 564 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,241 [ CHUCKLES ] 565 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,911 "WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON? WANT TO GET SOME LUNCH? 566 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,012 "SINCE YOU'RE HERE, 567 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,847 "CAN YOU FIX THAT THING THAT ISN'T REALLY BROKEN 568 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,216 THAT I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE?" 569 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,520 LISTEN, WE ALL KNOW THE GUY WHO WORKED FOR 50 YEARS, 570 00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,356 RETIRED, CAME HOME, AND DIED A FEW WEEKS LATER. 571 00:20:56,389 --> 00:21:00,226 AND PEOPLE SAY, "HE WORKED HIMSELF TO DEATH." 572 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,628 I DON'T KNOW. 573 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:05,465 HE WAS FINE WHEN HE WAS WORKING. 574 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,368 SOUNDS LIKE THE DUDE CAME HOME, AND THAT KILLED HIM. 575 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,536 COME ON. 576 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:12,739 THE ONLY WAY TO BE MISSED IS TO BE GONE SOMETIMES. 577 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,241 WE'VE GOT EXPLORER-MODEL BACKPACKS ON SALE NOW 578 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,744 FROM 25% TO 35% OFF. 579 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:21,381 BE SURE TO BE GONE LONG ENOUGH THAT SHE STARTS TO ACTUALLY SAY, 580 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:25,752 "YOU KNOW, HE DOESN'T SMELL THAT BAD." 581 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,555 SO, PICK UP ONE OF THESE AND TAKE A HIKE 582 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:31,290 BEFORE THE WIFE TELLS YOU TO. 43524

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