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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,904 "LAST MAN STANDING" IS RECORDED 2 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:05,139 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 3 00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,907 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, SWEETIE. MORNING. YEAH, YEAH. 4 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,976 LISTEN, I MADE YOU A WAFFLE SANDWICH 5 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,744 WITH BACON AND SAUSAGE FOR THE ROAD. 6 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,147 WOW. I HAVE DIED AND GONE TO HEAVEN. [ CHUCKLES ] 7 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,983 AT LEAST I WILL IF I KEEP EATING LIKE THIS. 8 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,885 ALMOST AS SWEET AS WHAT I GOT YOU. 9 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,887 OH, MIKE, SERIOUSLY? 10 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,823 VERY GOOD, DAD. NICE TO SEE YOU STEPPING UP. 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:23,924 OH, THAT'S NOT FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. 12 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,059 I DON'T BELIEVE IN VALENTINE'S DAY. 13 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,194 YEAH, WE KNOW. WE KNOW. [ CHUCKLES ] 14 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,729 IT'S A FAKE HOLIDAY. INVENTED BY...? 15 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,064 THE FLOWER AND GREETING-CARD CARTEL. 16 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,900 JUST LIKE THE FAKE HOLIDAY ST. PATTY'S DAY, 17 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,102 INVENTED BY THE PEOPLE 18 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:37,538 THAT MAKE THAT SAWDUST THAT SOAKS UP VOMIT. 19 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,340 [ IMITATES FANFARE ] 20 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,542 A STUN GUN? 21 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,711 UNBELIEVABLE! 22 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,413 NOT JUST A STUN GUN -- A GREAT ONE. 23 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,081 THAT THING WILL TAKE DOWN A MOOSE. 24 00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,217 PROBABLY ONLY FOR, LIKE, 5 SECONDS. 25 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,784 THEN HE'D GET UP, BE KIND OF PISSED, AND CHARGE YOU. 26 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:53,020 SO IT'S NOT ACTUALLY FOR A MOOSE. 27 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,222 YOU WANT TO TRY IT OUT? 28 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,857 YEAH, I KIND OF DO. 29 00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,094 YOU GOT YOUR WIFE A TASER FOR VALENTINE'S DAY? 30 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:02,263 IT'S NOT FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. 31 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:03,797 YEAH, IT'S ALSO NOT ROMANTIC. 32 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,733 I GOT HER SOMETHING TO PROTECT HER WHEN I'M NOT AROUND. 33 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,568 THERE'S NOTHING MORE ROMANTIC THAN THAT. 34 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:08,602 THIS IS WAY MORE ROMANTIC 35 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,605 THAN STUPID, OLD PERFUME OR JEWELRY... 36 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,975 JEWELRY IS JUST A MUGGER MAGNET, HONEY. 37 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,445 I MIGHT AS WELL SEND YOU OUT ON THE SERENGETI 38 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:19,813 IN A SUNDRESS MADE OF MEAT. 39 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,983 THANKS FOR MY TASER. IT'S STUNNING! 40 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,619 BOYD, WHAT DO WE SAY ABOUT PUNS? 41 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,855 LOWEST FORM OF COMEDY. 42 00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,726 AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, STILL MR. ROMANCE, HUH? 43 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:33,794 YES. [ CHUCKLES ] 44 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,829 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] CAN SOMEBODY GET THAT?! 45 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:36,797 YOU KNOW, IT'S OKAY, HONEY. 46 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,632 I'M USED TO YOUR FATHER'S PRACTICAL GIFTS. 47 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,735 I ACTUALLY LIKED THE COIN SORTER HE GOT ME LAST YEAR. 48 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,103 YEAH, BUT ONCE IN A WHILE, WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT 49 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,938 TO GET SOMETHING PERSONAL AND FRIVOLOUS? 50 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:45,906 [ DOORBELL RINGING ] 51 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,641 IS ANYBODY GONNA GET THE DOOR?! 52 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,243 I WAS FIXING BREAKFAST! 53 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,744 I WAS FIXING THIS! 54 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:51,945 I WAS FIXING TO GET THE DOOR, 55 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,347 BUT I FIGURED SOMEBODY ELSE WOULD. 56 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:54,482 OOH! WOW. 57 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,418 OH, HEY! KYLE GOT ME FLOWERS! 58 00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,686 Vanessa: THERE'S NO CARD. 59 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,821 WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT FORGETS THE CARD? 60 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,123 HEY, KYLE GOT MANDY FLOWERS. 61 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,496 NO, WE DON'T KNOW THAT. THEY COULD BE FOR ANYBODY. 62 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,264 GOSH, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL. [ SNIFFS ] 63 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,866 WELL, WE KNOW THEY'RE NOT FOR EVE. AND WHY NOT? 64 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,936 GUYS DON'T USUALLY SEND FLOWERS TO GIRLS THEY'RE AFRAID OF. 65 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,805 THEY DO IF THEY KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR 'EM. 66 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,774 AND WE KNOW DAD DIDN'T BUY THEM FOR MOM. 67 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,876 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE, RUB IT IN. 68 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:23,811 BUT GOOD LUCK TO YOU LOVEBIRDS 69 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,347 WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO SORT COINS BY HAND. 70 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:30,718 ERGO, SINCE YOU DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE, 71 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,953 THESE BABIES GOT TO BE FOR MOI. 72 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,054 SERIOUSLY, YOU THINK KYLE 73 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,889 WOULD SPEND HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS ON ROSES? 74 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,726 HE SPENT $200 ON A DATE ONCE, AND DINNER ONLY COST $20, 75 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,893 BUT HE WAS REALLY DETERMINED 76 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:43,163 TO GET ME THAT RASTA-BANANA OUT OF THE CLAW MACHINE. 77 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,398 YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, NO, NO. 78 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:45,533 NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, 79 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,535 I THINK THAT THESE FLOWERS MIGHT BE FOR ME. 80 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,969 KRIS, YOU LIVE WITH RYAN. 81 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,871 WHY WOULD HE SEND FLOWERS HERE? 82 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,240 NO, HE DIDN'T, AND RYAN ALREADY GAVE ME 83 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,674 MY PRESENT THIS MORNING. [ CHUCKLES ] 84 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,175 [ GROANS ] GROSS. 85 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:58,479 AND A SINGLE RED ROSE ON MY PILLOW. 86 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,314 GROSS AND CHEAP. 87 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:03,384 ACTUALLY, I THINK THESE FLOWERS MIGHT BE FROM MY BOSS. 88 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,819 THE SUCCESSFUL AND DREAMY JOHN BAKER. 89 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,788 MM-HMM. I'D HIT THAT. 90 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,924 OH, IT'S AN EXPRESSION. 91 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,893 IT JUST MEANS I'D HAVE SEX WITH HIM. 92 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,928 YEAH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. UH, HONEY, LISTEN. 93 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:15,896 IS -- IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON 94 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,365 BETWEEN YOU AND JOHN BAKER? 95 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,166 NO, NO, NO, BUT I JUST THINK HE'S REALLY HUNG UP ON ME, 96 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,834 AND IT WOULD BE SO HIS STYLE 97 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,436 TO SEND FLOWERS HERE ANONYMOUSLY. 98 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,737 WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE 99 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,539 SOMEBODY HAS A PRETTY HIGH OPINION OF HERSELF, 100 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:28,108 WHICH IS A VERY UNFLATTERING TRAIT. 101 00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:31,044 PLUS, IT'S KIND OF MY THING. OKAY, COOL IT. 102 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,680 JOHN'S BEEN REALLY ATTENTIVE LATELY. 103 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,382 HE'S BEEN WALKING ME TO MY CAR EVERY NIGHT. 104 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,583 YEAH, BUT -- BUT YOU ARE CARRYING 105 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,184 THE BANK DEPOSIT FOR THE RESTAURANT. 106 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,187 MAYBE HE'S BEING ATTENTIVE TO HIS MONEY. 107 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:44,124 HUH. SNAP. VALENTINE'S BURN, MOM. 108 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,894 YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT. 109 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,462 ALL THIS TALK ABOUT THESE STUPID FLOWERS -- 110 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,230 I WANT IN ON SOME OF THIS VALENTINE'S SWAG. 111 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,865 I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO OUT 112 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,601 AND GET MYSELF A REAL BOYFRIEND. 113 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,769 IT'S NOT LIKE GOING TO THE POUND AND PICKING OUT A PUPPY. 114 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:56,870 YOU KIDDING? 115 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,272 I'LL HAVE THIS LOCKED DOWN BY DINNER. 116 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:04,612 I'D BE VERY AFRAID TO BE A TEENAGE BOY RIGHT ABOUT NOW. 117 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:08,616 -- Captions by VITAC -- 118 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:12,219 HEY, MIKE BAXTER HERE FOR OUTDOOR MAN 119 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,221 WITH A FEW WORDS ABOUT VALENTINE'S DAY -- 120 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,557 PHONY, STUPID CON GAME. 121 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,760 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO'S DUMBER -- 122 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:22,563 THE WOMEN WHO ARE CHARMED BY A MANDATORY ROMANTIC GESTURE 123 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,332 OR THE MEN WHO SHELL OUT BIG BUCKS 124 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,133 FOR PRETTY MUCH A FAKE HOLIDAY. 125 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,336 AS A PROTEST, OUTDOOR MAN IS HAVING 126 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,938 A VALENTINE'S DAY NON-SALE. 127 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,940 NOT ONLY WILL NOTHING BE DISCOUNTED, 128 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,309 WE'LL ACTUALLY BE CHARGING MORE FOR ANYTHING WE THINK 129 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,511 YOU MIGHT BE GIVING YOUR LADY AS A GIFT. 130 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:42,115 CHECK OUT THESE POLYESTER FUR-LINED GLOVES, NORMALLY $50. 131 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,818 TODAY ONLY -- $1,200. 132 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:49,657 SURPRISE IS THE KEY TO KEEPING ROMANCE ALIVE. 133 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,259 AND NOTHING WILL SURPRISE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE MORE 134 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,863 ON VALENTINE'S DAY THAN GETTING NOTHING. 135 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,468 HEY. HAPPY VALENTINE'S, SWEETIE! 136 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,935 AWW, THANK YOU SO MUCH 137 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,805 FOR THAT HUGE BOUQUET OF ROSES YOU SENT ME! 138 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,074 OH, MY GOD! YOU WOULD BE SO WELCOME... 139 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,813 ...YOU KNOW, IF I HAD ACTUALLY DONE THAT. 140 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,949 OH, SO THEY WERE FOR KRISTIN. 141 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,318 NO, WHY WOULD I SEND KRISTIN FLOWERS? 142 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,856 [ Laughing ] YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, MANDY. 143 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,892 I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT WHEN I SEE YOU TONIGHT. 144 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,994 OKAY, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOURS TONIGHT. 145 00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:30,330 OOH. I HOPE IT'S SOCKS. 146 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,165 BYE. [ Smooches ] 147 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,569 [ CHUCKLES ] AH, YOUNG LOVE -- SO INSPIRING, 148 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:38,706 AND SO MUCH MORE PHOTOGENIC THAN OLD LOVE. 149 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,074 IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING, 150 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,543 WHAT DID YOU GIVE MANDY, HMM? 151 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,144 OH, NO, I DON'T MIND. 152 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,380 [ CLEARS THROAT ] I MADE THIS FOR HER. 153 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,381 IS THAT IVORY? 154 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,383 IRISH SPRING, ACTUALLY. 155 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,584 MM! 156 00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,386 I CARVED IT OUT OF SOAP. 157 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:53,887 REALLY? WELL, I LIKE IT! 158 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:57,057 [ Irish accent ] AND I LIKE IT, TOO! 159 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,059 VERY IMPRESSIVE HANDIWORK HERE. 160 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,995 IT'S MANDY'S FAVORITE BIRD, THE MOUNTAIN BLUEBIRD. OH. AH. UH-HUH. 161 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,196 WE SAW ONE IN THE PARK ONE DAY, 162 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,832 AND THEN WE SAW ONE THE NEXT DAY, 163 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,867 AND SO NOW SHE THINKS THEY'RE OUR GUARDIAN ANGEL. 164 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,703 I THINK THEY LIVE IN THE PARK. 165 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:10,904 HERE. 166 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,873 ARE -- ARE -- ARE YOU CERTAIN THAT -- THAT MANDY'S 167 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,776 THE KIND OF GIRL WHO'S GONNA BE HAPPY WITH A SOAP BIRD? 168 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,178 I HOPE SO. THAT'S ALL I CAN AFFORD. 169 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,381 YOU KNOW, I DON'T EXACTLY MAKE A LOT OF MONEY HERE. 170 00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:24,585 YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S ROUGH. 171 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,787 I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO. 172 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:27,821 GOOD LUCK. 173 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,190 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 174 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,258 Mike: YEAH. 175 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:34,628 [ CLEARS THROAT ] YEAH, MIKE. 176 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,798 I SAW YOUR VALENTINE'S VLOG, MIKEY. 177 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,232 [ GRUNTS ] 178 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,435 "LADIES LOVE COOL J," 179 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:44,772 BUT THEY'RE ABOUT TO GO "GANGSTA" ON MIKE "BAXTA"! 180 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:46,406 I THINK THAT VALENTINE'S DAY 181 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,976 TAKES THE SPONTANEITY OUT OF LOVE. 182 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,979 WHEN I GIVE VANESSA A SURPRISE ROMANTIC GESTURE, 183 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,614 SHE KNOWS IT'S AUTHENTIC. 184 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,783 WHEN WAS YOUR LAST SURPRISE ROMANTIC GESTURE? 185 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,418 I SENT HER A LITTLE ARRANGEMENT OF ROSES JUST TODAY. 186 00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,320 I'M -- I'M -- I'M -- I'M CONFUSED NOW. 187 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,255 YOU DON'T CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY. 188 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:05,826 THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT A SURPRISE! 189 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,461 SHE'S NOT EXPECTING IT. 190 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,930 BECAUSE YOU DON'T CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY. EXACTLY. 191 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,667 MAKING IT...A SURPRISE. 192 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,936 TODAY'S VALENTINE'S DAY. EVERYBODY SENDS FLOWERS. 193 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,105 I DON'T. 194 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,441 THUS...THE SURPRISE. 195 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,243 [ SIGHS ] OKAY. COME ON. ALL RIGHT. 196 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,145 LET -- LET ME FOLLOW THIS. ALL RIGHT. 197 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,081 NOW, FOR 25 YEARS, YOU'VE BEEN CRAPPING ON VALENTINE'S DAY 198 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,917 BECAUSE IT'S NOT SPONTANEOUS. 199 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,920 THIS YEAR, YOU BUY HER FLOWERS, THUS MAKING IT SPONTANEOUS. 200 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:33,854 LISTEN TO ME. 201 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,856 I'M THE ONLY GUY ON THE PLANET 202 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:39,927 THAT CAN SURPRISE HIS WIFE WITH FLOWERS... 203 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,362 ON VALENTINE'S DAY. 204 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,965 IT'S INGENIOUS! 205 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,808 GENTLEMEN, I'VE INVITED YOU HERE TODAY 206 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,176 BECAUSE I'VE DECIDED IT'S TIME FOR ME 207 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,345 TO HAVE A REAL BOYFRIEND. 208 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,448 UM, I-I-I GOT A NOTE TO COME HERE. 209 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,884 GRAB SOME CHAIR, JUSTIN. 210 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,755 1400 HOURS DOESN'T MEAN 1401. 211 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,958 I'M HERE TO CONGRATULATE THE THREE OF YOU 212 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,025 ON BEING FINALISTS 213 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,827 FOR THE POSITION OF EVE'S BOYFRIEND. 214 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,898 [ LAUGHS ] ALL RIGHT! 215 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,332 WHEN I LOOK AROUND THIS ROOM, 216 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,870 IT'S AN HONOR JUST BEING NOMINATED. 217 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:24,672 WAIT. THIS SAYS THE PRINCIPAL WANTED TO SEE ME. 218 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,740 DID YOU STEAL THIS FROM HIS OFFICE? 219 00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,743 I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE. 220 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:33,180 LOOK, I KNOW ALL THREE OF YOU LIKE ME, BUT -- 221 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,514 [ CLEARS THROAT ] UH, FOR THE RECORD, 222 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,083 I'VE LIKED YOU SINCE THIRD GRADE, AND I CAN PROVE IT! 223 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,218 I KEEP A PRETTY DETAILED DIARY. 224 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,020 YEAH, AND, UH, FOR THE RECORD... 225 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,922 BOOM. 226 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,658 AND FOR THE RECORD, MATT ALREADY HAS A GIRLFRIEND. 227 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,927 EVE WOULD BE A TOTAL UPGRADE. 228 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,362 SHE'S PRETTY HOT FOR A JOCK CHICK. 229 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,732 ENOUGH OF THE CHITCHAT, LADIES. 230 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:52,900 WE ONLY GOT AN HOUR HERE. 231 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:56,036 THERE'S GOING TO BE A MULTIPLE-CHOICE QUIZ, 232 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,372 A FITNESS TEST, AND A SHORT ESSAY ON THE TOPIC 233 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,842 "EVE -- SMART GIRL WHO'S PRETTY 234 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,944 OR PRETTY GIRL WHO'S SMART?" 235 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,714 OR PRETTY GIRL WHO'S LOST HER MIND. 236 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,282 LOOK, EVE. 237 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,884 I LIKE YOU, OKAY? 238 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,886 AND IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT SOMETIME, 239 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,387 THEN YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME. 240 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,624 BUT I'M NOT GONNA JUMP THROUGH HOOPS FOR YOU. 241 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,626 W-- HEY, WAIT. 242 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:19,793 [ Chuckling ] YOU CAN OPT OUT ON THE HOOPS 243 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,795 AND JUST DO THE ROPE CLIMB, I MEAN... 244 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,965 UGH. 245 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:31,471 SO, WE ARE COMPLETELY BOOKED FOR TONIGHT. 246 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,640 YEAH? 247 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,808 I BET YOU WISH EVERY DAY WAS VALENTINE'S DAY. 248 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:35,976 UH, NO. 249 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,478 I'D GO BROKE BUYING GIFTS FOR MY VALENTINE. 250 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,948 UH, A-ABOUT THAT. 251 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:43,884 THAT WAS THE BIGGEST BOUQUET I HAVE EVER SEEN. [ CHUCKLES ] 252 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,485 HUH? 253 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:48,288 YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME SAY IT, AREN'T YOU? UH -- 254 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:51,659 LOOK, UH, I TH-THINK YOU'RE A REALLY GREAT GUY. 255 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:55,095 THANKS! I'M GLAD I COULD PULL THAT OUT OF YOU. 256 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:59,667 BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM WITH RYAN RIGHT NOW. 257 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,469 KRIS, I THINK THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING. 258 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,805 AM I MISUNDERSTANDING YOU WALKING ME 259 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,439 TO MY CAR EVERY NIGHT? 260 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:09,843 YOU CARRY THE BANK DEPOSIT. 261 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:10,811 [ CHUCKLES ] 262 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,813 OBVIOUSLY, IT'S VERY FLATTERING 263 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,115 THAT YOU'RE STILL SO INTO ME, BUT... 264 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,549 YOU NEED TO MOVE ON. 265 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,020 [ SIGHS ] I'M GETTING SO MANY COMPLIMENTS 266 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,489 ON MY NEW BRACELET, JOHNNY! 267 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,995 MM. 268 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,530 ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL? 269 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,767 OH, WOW! THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, RACHEL! [ CHUCKLES ] 270 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,336 Yes. Oh, my God. 271 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,538 YOU DID KNOW THAT RACHEL AND I WERE A THING, RIGHT? 272 00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:39,606 OF COURSE! 273 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,175 I AM THE ASSISTANT MANAGER AROUND HERE. 274 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,811 I AM ON TOP OF EVERYTHING. [ CHUCKLES ] 275 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,519 HEY. HEY. 276 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:56,323 WELL, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT COOKING DINNER, 277 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,825 BECAUSE I BROUGHT IT HOME. 278 00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,360 THAT IS SWEET, BECAUSE I AM EXHAUSTED. 279 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,731 HOT DOGS?! 280 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,132 YEAH! 281 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,901 I SAW THIS GUY ON YouTube COOK THESE BY TASERING THEM. 282 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,004 THEN, IF IT STOPS RAINING, 283 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,639 WE CAN GO OUT AND SEE IF WE CAN BLOW UP THIS WATERMELON. 284 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,408 AND THEY SAY EVERY LOVE STORY'S ALREADY BEEN TOLD. 285 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:18,411 LISTEN, UH, HONEY, I'M SORRY, 286 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,748 BUT, UH, I GAVE THE TASER AWAY. 287 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:21,749 WHY WOULD YOU GIVE AWAY MY GIFT? 288 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:22,816 IT'S [CHUCKLES] NOT LIKE IT WAS 289 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,417 SOME KIND OF SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY PRESENT. 290 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,518 I GAVE IT TO KRISTIN. 291 00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:27,721 I MEAN, WE COULD BOIL THESE HOT DOGS, 292 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,923 BUT NO ONE'S GONNA WATCH THAT ON YouTube. 293 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:33,426 [ Chuckling ] HEY! SOME BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS THERE. 294 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,595 SOMEBODY MUST BE EXCITED... 295 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,230 AND APPRECIATIVE. 296 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,368 THERE WAS NO CARD. WHAT? 297 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,603 I KNOW WE DON'T DO VALENTINE'S DAY, 298 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,505 BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU, WHEN THESE ARRIVED, 299 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,875 IT WAS A LITTLE LIKE RUBBING SALT IN A WOUND. 300 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,243 AND LEMON. 301 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,916 AND ALCOHOL. 302 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,886 WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY "MARGARITA"? 303 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,388 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CARD, HONEY. 304 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,590 I SENT YOU THOSE FLOWERS. 305 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,826 [ LAUGHING ] 306 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,696 OKAY. 307 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,864 HONEY, I SENT THOSE FLOWERS! 308 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,900 HONEY, STOP! IT'S OKAY! 309 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,868 I GOT A -- I TELL YOU -- I TELL YOU, I GOT A RECEIPT! 310 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:16,770 LET ME SHOW YOU! I GOT A RECEIPT. 311 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,639 YEAH, FOR 25 YEARS, I KNOW THE GUY I MARRIED! 312 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,874 RIGHT THERE -- I GOT A RECEIPT. 313 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:22,876 IT SAYS RIGHT THERE, "STUN GUN." 314 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,878 NO. HEY! 315 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,780 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 316 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:27,881 THIS IS RIDICULOUS! 317 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,316 YOU SEND FLOWERS, YOU LOSE THE CARD? 318 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,383 WHAT'S UP? 319 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,152 HEY, MR. B. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 320 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,921 YEAH. IT'S COLD, AND YOU'RE ALL WET! 321 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:34,888 YEAH, IT'S FREEZING. 322 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,457 YEAH. GEE. MANDY, KYLE'S HERE! 323 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,226 HEY, YOU SURE IT'S NOT FOR ME? 324 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,261 I JUST SAID, "KYLE WAS HERE." 325 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,662 IT'S KYLE? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET HIM IN?! 326 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:43,663 IT'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND. 327 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,598 I GOT MY OWN BALL AND CHAIN TO DEAL WITH. 328 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:46,834 HI. 329 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,735 OH, MY GOD. THIS IS JUST LIKE IN "THE NOTEBOOK"! 330 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:49,937 HEY. [ SIGHS ] 331 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,339 I JUST WANT TO LEAP IN YOUR ARMS AND CLOSE MY EYES 332 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,740 AND PRETEND YOU'RE RYAN GOSLING. 333 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,842 WAIT. 334 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,643 I GOT YOU SOMETHING BETTER THAN A GOSLING. 335 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,045 [ SQUEALS ] 336 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:06,453 IT'S A MOUNTAIN BLUEBIRD. 337 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,922 IT IS? 338 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:13,593 YEAH, I, UH -- I-I CARVED IT OUT OF SOAP. 339 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,595 OH! 340 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,764 IS THE BIRD UNDERNEATH THE BUBBLES? 341 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,902 UH, I THINK THE BIRD IS THE BUBBLES. 342 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:24,938 IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BLUEBIRD -- YOU KNOW, 343 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,339 LIKE THE ONE FROM THE PARK, OUR GUARDIAN ANGEL. 344 00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,875 THAT IS SO LAME! 345 00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:31,211 NO. NO, THAT ACTUALLY TOOK A LOT OF THOUGHT. 346 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:34,447 FOLLOWED IMMEDIATELY BY COMPLETE ABSENCE OF THOUGHT. 347 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,816 YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S ACTUALLY THE PERFECT GIFT. 348 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,052 I WOULD RATHER HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO LISTENS TO ME 349 00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:41,654 AND MAKES ME A HEARTFELT GIFT INSTEAD OF GOING INTO DEBT 350 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:44,024 BUYING SOMETHING EXPENSIVE AND STUPID. 351 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,326 AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS THIS HOLIDAY? 352 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:56,069 [ DOORBELL RINGING ] 353 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:58,371 I'LL GET IT! 354 00:13:58,405 --> 00:14:00,840 [ SIGHS ] 355 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:01,975 HI, EVE. 356 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,544 WOW. TRUFFLES. NICE. 357 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,746 [ Chuckling ] SURE BEATS A BIRD MADE OUT OF SOAP. 358 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:10,550 UH, SIT THERE AND DON'T PUT YOUR FEET ON ANYTHING. 359 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,887 HEY, EVIE. UH, WHO'S THIS? 360 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:15,889 OH, THIS IS MY NEW BOYFRIEND, ANDREW -- 361 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,858 BUT BY A NARROW MARGIN. 362 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,593 COULD HAVE GONE EITHER WAY. [ SIGHS ] 363 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,761 HELLO, ANDREW. 364 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:24,331 HELLO, MRS. BAXTER. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME. 365 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,665 OH, THANK YOU. 366 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,734 HE'S POLITE AND WRITES A STRONG ESSAY. 367 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,537 BUT HE'S NO ARM WRESTLER, I'LL TELL YOU THAT. 368 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,772 I HAVE CARPAL TUNNEL. 369 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:36,543 MAKING EXCUSES? NOT A GOOD COLOR ON YOU, ANDREW. 370 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,844 GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, EVE. 371 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,680 YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT HOME A BOYFRIEND FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. 372 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:44,451 YEAH. SAID I WOULD. AND I DON'T MESS AROUND. 373 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,885 YOU KNOW, THAT'S ANOTHER THING -- 374 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,720 I DON'T MESS AROUND. 375 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,725 I'M GONNA GO GET A SODA. 376 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,128 "CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING, ANDREW?!" 377 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,363 OH, HE'S FINE. 378 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,198 HE'S GOT TO GET US RESERVATIONS SOMEWHERE. 379 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,732 LAST-MINUTE ON VALENTINE'S DAY. 380 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:02,635 [ Chuckling ] WE'LL SEE WHAT KIND OF JUICE THIS KID'S GOT. 381 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,706 HEY, RYAN. SQUIRT. 382 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,708 HEY. HAVING A GOOD VALENTINE'S DAY? 383 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,078 OH, YEAH. MY BOYFRIEND'S TAKING ME OUT TONIGHT. 384 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,479 UH, HE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM 385 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:13,981 IF YOU WANT TO GO TAKE A LOOK AT HIM. 386 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,916 I WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT HIM! 387 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,886 [ CHUCKLES ] WHERE YOU TAKING KRIS TONIGHT? 388 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,721 AH, KRIS IS WORKING TONIGHT. 389 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,092 HUH. MM. AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT? 390 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,826 UH, YEAH! WHY WOULDN'T I BE? 391 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:29,829 UH, WELL, APPARENTLY, THAT JOHN BAKER GUY'S INTO HER. 392 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,698 HE WANTS TO "HIT THAT." 393 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,068 IT'S AN EXPRESSION. YOU KNOW, IT MEANS THAT HE -- 394 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,504 YEAH, I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. 395 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,039 HE GOT HER THAT BIG-ASS BOUQUET IN THERE. 396 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,411 JOHN REALLY SENT HER THOSE? 397 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,579 YEAH. HE WALKS HER TO HER CAR EVERY NIGHT, TOO. 398 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,281 [ Chuckling ] I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW, 399 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,916 SO I KNOW HOW THESE ANIMALS OPERATE. 400 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,818 HI, RYAN. 401 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,320 OH, HEY. 402 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,322 YEAH, UH, I'LL -- I'LL BE BACK LATER TO PICK UP BOYD. 403 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,757 OH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM. GOT NO SPECIAL PLANS. 404 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,127 I'LL JUST BE HERE SORTING COINS. 405 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,029 Eve: BEAT IT, PIP-SQUEAK! 406 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,166 SO... [ SIGHS ] 407 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,301 HOW DID YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS FIND EACH OTHER? 408 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,503 RAN A COUPLE OF GUYS THROUGH A MAZE, 409 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,673 AND, UH, HE'S THE ONE THAT GOT THE CHEESE! 410 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,509 HMM. CHEESE. 411 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:19,112 HEY, UH, ANDREW, COULD YOU GO GET ME A SNACK? 412 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,515 CHEESE, ON CRACKERS -- THE ROUND ONES, NOT THE SALTINES? 413 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,550 OH. 414 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:28,055 WOW. NICE CATCH. 415 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,323 THOUGHT YOU WANTED A BOYFRIEND, NOT A BUTLER. 416 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,160 IT'S LOVE, MOM. HE'S ALL THINGS TO ME. 417 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,728 I'M JUST WONDERING, LONG TERM, 418 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,897 HOW HAPPY YOU'RE GOING TO BE WITH A GUY 419 00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,899 WHO DOES EVERYTHING YOU TELL HIM TO. 420 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,335 WELL, SO FAR, I'VE KIND OF ENJOYED IT. 421 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,538 I MEAN...THE GUY GOT ME CANDY ON VALENTINE'S DAY. 422 00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,374 DAD GOT YOU A TASER. 423 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,176 NO, YOUR FATHER IS ROMANTIC. 424 00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:53,146 IT'S JUST...HE SHOWS HIS LOVE IN WAYS THAT -- THAT -- 425 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,982 THAT DON'T... LOOK ANYTHING LIKE LOVE. 426 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,385 MOM, COME ON. I-I-I SAW. 427 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,720 YOU WERE DISAPPOINTED WHEN THESE FLOWERS WEREN'T FOR YOU. 428 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,589 [ SCOFFS ] I MEAN, I -- SURE, YEAH. 429 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,591 I MEAN, I -- THERE'S A PART OF ME THAT WISHES 430 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,260 YOUR FATHER WOULD DO WHAT'S PREDICTABLE AND EXPECTED, 431 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,496 LIKE -- LIKE VALENTINE'S DAY FLOWERS, 432 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:13,500 BUT...HONEY, I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER 433 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,069 BEING WITH A GUY WHO DOESN'T JUMP THROUGH HOOPS 434 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,271 JUST BECAUSE SOMEBODY INVENTED A HOLIDAY! 435 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,772 HMM. 436 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,608 OKAY! 437 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,211 I'VE ARRANGED THE CRACKERS INTO A HEART, 438 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:27,147 AND THE CHEESE... IS THE ARROW. 439 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,253 ANDREW... 440 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,788 WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN HONEST WITH EACH OTHER, YOU KNOW? 441 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,925 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] YEAH, IT'S OVER. 442 00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,529 I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING. 443 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,796 I GUESS I WAS JUST HOPING -- 444 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,433 LET'S NOT DRAW THIS OUT. 445 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,634 RIGHT. [ SIGHS ] 446 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,869 WELL, YOU KNOW, AT LEAST YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE KIDS. 447 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,638 THAT'S WHERE THESE BREAKUPS GET MESSY. 448 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,406 [ CHUCKLES ] 449 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,809 HEY, UH, CAN I USE YOU AS A REFERRAL FOR MY NEXT GIRLFRIEND? 450 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,077 SURE. 451 00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:00,413 CAN I SAY WE WENT ON AN ACTUAL DATE? 452 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,315 [ SIGHS ] FINE. 453 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,083 CAN I SAY WE MADE OUT? 454 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,285 UH, NO! 455 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:06,853 AND YOU JUST LOST YOUR REFERRAL! 456 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,756 HEY, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU, ANDREW. 457 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:12,392 OH, AND I STILL NEED YOU TO PROOF MY HISTORY PAPER! 458 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,826 OH, WAIT, UH, MRS. BAXTER, 459 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,628 I FOUND THIS IN YOUR BUSHES. 460 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,264 OH. THANKS. 461 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,298 WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT? 462 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,301 UH, EVE'S... 463 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:25,104 EX-BOYFRIEND, UH, JUST... 464 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:27,674 FOUND THE...THE CARD FOR THE FLOWERS. UH... 465 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:28,741 INTERESTING. 466 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,344 YEAH. IT SAYS, "TO VANESSA." 467 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,679 HUH. 468 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:35,948 AND, UM...UH, LOOK. THERE'S, UH -- THERE'S A MESSAGE. 469 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,985 MAYBE I HAVE SOME ROMANCE LEFT IN ME, HUH? 470 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,622 "TO VANESSA. 471 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,458 BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING." 472 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:49,396 "HA!" 473 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,902 "IN YOUR FACE." 474 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:02,175 "LOVE, MIKE." 475 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,776 [ Voice breaking ] MIKE... [ CHUCKLES ] 476 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,812 ...THANK YOU! 477 00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:09,882 HAPPY FEBRUARY 14th! 478 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:26,533 YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR? 479 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:29,569 OH, UH, NO. [ CHUCKLES ] I'M COVERED. 480 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,875 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 481 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,510 RIGHT BACK AT YOU. 482 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,881 HEY, LADY. AAH! 483 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,015 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] 484 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,352 OH, MY GOSH! 485 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,853 I'M SO SORRY! 486 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:51,424 I'M SO-- YOU -- YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME, RY! 487 00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:53,426 [ Strained ] I HAVEN'T CHECKED YET, BUT... 488 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,728 I THINK I'M IN THE SAME BOAT! 489 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,364 KRISTIN, YOU OKAY? WHAT HAPPENED? 490 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,931 OH, GOD! 491 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,968 UH, NO, I -- [ CHUCKLES ] I ACCIDENTALLY TASED RYAN. 492 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,404 HE'S FINE. YOU -- YOU SHOULD GO. 493 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,773 NO, STICK AROUND! 494 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,276 GIVE ME 5 MINUTES TO GET UP TO MY FEET, 495 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,411 AND THEN I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! 496 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,213 RYAN, HONEY, NOTHING IS GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND JOHN, OKAY? 497 00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,348 YEAH, TH-THAT'S RIGHT. 498 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,217 THERE'S NO WAY I CAN COMPETE WITH YOU. 499 00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,287 OH, HONEY, FLOWERS? BABY! 500 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:32,198 CUSTOMARILY, AT THIS POINT IN THE VALENTINE'S FESTIVITIES, 501 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:37,804 THE MAN AND THE WOMAN RETIRE TO THE BEDCHAMBER. 502 00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,972 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 503 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,207 BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL 504 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,976 ABOUT MANDATORY ROMANTIC GESTURES, SO... 505 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,812 HEY, HEY, SAY NO MORE. 506 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:46,813 THIS IS ONE AREA 507 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,248 WHERE MIKE BAXTER AND "ST. VALENTINE" AGREE. 508 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,249 HMM. 509 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,751 LET'S GO TO BED. MM-HMM. 510 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,953 [ BOTH GROAN ] 511 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,628 YOU KNOW, MIKE, THESE FLOWERS REALLY ARE BEAUTIFUL. 512 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,663 YOU ACT TOUGH, BUT YOU'RE A SOFTY. 513 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,064 NOT A WORD I'D LIKE USED TO DESCRIBE ME 514 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,766 IN THIS PRESENT SITUATION. 515 00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:11,604 BUT A LITTLE ROMANCE IS NOT THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. 516 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,342 THAT IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. 517 00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:20,913 OH, THAT'S THAT CUTE BOY JUSTIN FROM JUNIOR ROTC! 518 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,783 TWO SOLDIERS KISSING -- THANK YOU, OBAMA. 519 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,956 [ BANGING ON DOOR ] 37846

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