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[soft jazz music]

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[people cheering]

[glasses clinging]

[man] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Actually, can we get some bread, please, for Eddie?

No more champagne for Ed..

[glass clinging]

Here, here, here.

Attention, please.

When Sara told Joe and me she was getting married,

-Joe said-- -Get my shot-gun.

[crowd laughs]

Eddie! You better hush.

And you better keep

your hands off that nice little waitress too.

She can toss you out of here, right?

[laughing]

Anyway, y'all, y'all.

When Sara told us she was, well...

that John had finally popped the question,

[crowd laughs]

Joe and I wanted to throw the biggest wedding this town has

ever seen, because...

as you all may or may not know,

Joe and I were not born in California.

Oh no, no one can tell by your accent, mom.

[all laughing] [Eddie] That's right!

And we Texans when we throw a party it's an event.

And it's got to be big, right!

Yeah!

But my daughter wanted, a small, small wedding,

-at home. -How it be small in that place?

[crowd laughs]

Well now, come on, it's home.

So, even though it's the first wedding

that I have officially gotten to throw,

un-account, well, you know,

Pamela hadn't found her special one,

yet, and, and Tom and Annie,

[clearing her throat]

so, I had to make some compromises but,

we got a whole lot of food,

music, and dancing.

And a hell of a lot of booze!

Yes darling. So, y'all better be on time cause my baby girl

it's getting married tomorrow. [crowd cheers]

Thank you, mom!

I haven't heard the kick yet.

Thanks for coming, everybody!

[jazz music]

[Carol] Wow, wow, wow.

See, if you caring the flowers...

They're so pretty, if you put them up like that,

see, okay, off you go now.

[exhales]

Thanks, honey!

Wow, that's 12 minutes.

That's my best time ever.

[groans]

[Joe breathes heavily] -Congratulations, dear.

So in a way to get our poisons out of your system.

[chuckles]

[Carol] Hello, welcome.

Don't be afraid, she's really a push-over.

[exhales] All right.

[Carol] Welcome, welcome! Come on down here.

Good morning ma'am, I'm with the Ever Ready.

Ma'am! Thank the Lord, good all Texas manners.

That's right.

I believe they have you set up here in the tennis court,

so you just go right ahead and do whatever is you do.

You got your Stetson?

Ma'am, that's really not our bag.

[whispering] I'll get you a Stetson.

All right.

We are out 22 minutes and counting, pal.

I'm so ready.

Be there in 20 minutes,

we'll get to play your last single legs.

-Alright, that sounds great. -My few remining clients

remember at the Mulholland tennis,

he put our names at the gate, Mulholland tennis.

Sounds great.

-Hey, hey, how come you didn't tell me Sara's sister

-had a pension fund? -[John] I didn't know.

I think she just got that job last week.

She can sit on a lot of dough while waiting, bail me out.

Well then, let's try not to offend her.

Offend, my friend the word would be, dazzle.

[scoffs] Hey dazzle.

Let's me mature, let's just say goodbye.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey mama, thank you for all of this.

My pleasure.

-Boo! -You-- Know!

-Joe! -Sorry!

I couldn't help it, I running too high.

That's no excuse Joe,

where you keep your Stetsons?

What do you want with my Stetsons?

-Stay away from my Stetsons. -Fine.

-Good morning, daddy. -Good morning, pumpkin pie,

how you feel?

-I feel good. -[Joe] Good!

Feel great, this is one of the greatest days of your life.

Us too.

Because we're losing our little girl.

But, John is a fine man.

Yet, it's gonna be one hell of a day.

[quiet thud] [groans]

[scoffs] [laughs]

[tense music]

[sighs]

Let go, let go. God, let go.

[knocking]

[humming]

-Zack! [Zack stammers]

Hey, you all right, come on in.

Come on in.

How you doing?

I'm just gonna look at some breakfast with Eddie,

you wanna come?

No, that's cool.

Hey Zack,

about the best man, I wish I could have two best men.

You know Eddie really, he cared!

And I don't know, I...

I didn't think that it would mattered to you, you know

family matters, besides who knew you were gonna make it?

John, don't sweat it.

I wouldn't missed it.

[sighs]

That was a great toast you made last night.

No, it really mean a lot to me and Sara too, she told me.

I'm sorry I spaced on her mom's name.

[John laughs]

I just feel so lucky, I mean, isn't she perfect?

I got to get ready, what's up Zack?

Well, I...

seems sort of silly now.

I've been meaning to tell you for a while but,

[stammers] I haven't seen you too much.

Since I moved back east until last night.

[stammers] I'm in the program now.

Yeah, that's great.

Hundred and twenty days sober, no hangovers.

[exhales] -[John] That's so good!

Still painting houses, right?

Yeah, you know, I...

I just got my 120 day chip.

That is great! I guess those programs really work.

Yeah!

Because they're about honesty.

You know with yourself.

People close to you.

Rigorous honesty,

and making amends.

That's good.

[stammers continue]

That's quite a step, I'm actually ways away.

But nine, that's the one you make amends on.

And I got to get this...

out today, you getting married, so,

I'm just gonna skip to nine

and I'll come back and take care of five, six...

Zack, can you do that?

Well, I'm making amends to you, John.

I'm making amends today.

To me?

Today.

You remember,

When you first introduced Sara and me and we,

told you that we both felt like we knew each other from,

-somewhere? -Yeah, it meant a lot to me.

Yeah, but we did know,

each other.

We've met, on the vineyard.

You met Sara?

I met her, yeah.

[stammers] The summer I moved out there.

Sara was at the vineyard?

While you were there?

Oh so that's why you came--

you've been wrecking your brains on this one

trying to figure it out and then is like...

bang, where do I know this person from, oh yeah.

Thanks for telling me.

I've always known where I knew her from.

Yeah you always knew where you knew her from.

[giggles]

No!

You knew Sara, [sighing]

Oh my God!

-I slept with Sara-- -You slept with Sara, my Sara?

You slept with my Sara?

Yeah, though technically at the time she was just Sara, Sara.

[gasps]

Oh my God!

You got me. [laughs]

You got me.

On my wedding day. [laughing]

[gasping]

[exhales deeply]

[whispers] No.

You better be joking, Zack.

[groans]

It's not a joke, John.

[Zack sighs]

I hate to tell you like this,

but it's the right thing to do and I wanted to do,

the right thing.

But...

you're my brother.

I know.

It's not like she cheated on you, John.

Shut up! Just shut up!

I'm sorry.

No!

-I fucked up, haven't I? -[John] Fuck!

Why can I do anything right? I'm trying to do the right, thing...

And you're all mad at me, you know Jojo said,

making amends, it supposed to make you feel better.

-Jojo? -My sponsor, yeah.

[Zack] We all get one.

Jojo said that,

step nine supposed to make you feel free,

better, and I realized I'm going out of turn here but I'm not

feeling any better making amends.

-Stop saying that, please. -Sorry!

And you are telling me this, today.

I'm getting married today, Zack, I'm getting married,

-in four hours. -I know.

It make me feel like shit, seeing you last night knowing

that I had you know, I hadn't made, you know...

Thanks.

Maybe you feel better by the ceremony?

[jazz music]

[humming]

What tie is it gonna be, pal the blue or the burgundy?

-The green one. -Ha, ha that's funny.

Grandma Carol wants you to wear the blue or the burgundy.

-Burgundy. -Really, really red,

kind a like my dress?

-Burgundy. -Good choice.

Time to put the bike away, I promised Sara we'll be early.

Is daddy has to be there early?

I would think so, but that's where daddy is living, right,

so, he's just gonna be there anyway.

Is he gonna do his dumb impressions today?

Maybe not today.

Americans love a winner!

And will not tolerate a loser.

Americans play to win all the time, I would give a hoot now

for a man who loss and left!

Americans never loss and never lose a war.

Because the very thought of losing, it's hateful,

to America.

[mimics band]

[mimicking continues]

Over a thousand years...

[mimicking John McCain continues]

No, no, no, I'm fine.

I'm fine,

he's just having one of his, artists tantrums.

Is the same thing as last night, yeah.

Yeah, okay honey.

You know Sara, I got to get ready to go.

Okay, we gonna see you real soon and I love you, okay, bye.

[sighs]

[door lock rattles]

Hey there!

What are you doing here?

Come with me.

-What? -I want you to come with me.

My date cancelled.

Okay I'm lying, I want to go with you.

Pam look, we are over.

Done!

I was gonna get some stuff today,

you're going to the wedding, that was the plan, remember?

I know, I know, I just thought it would be really nice,

if you came.

Pam, you knew I wasn't going three weeks ago.

I know and I tried to...

get a date, but I...

Look, do we have to go through this again?

Do you realize that

my sister, I mean my younger sister,

is getting married today and you want me show up

-without a date. -That's not entirely true, Pam.

I'm the only one in the family that's not married,

now you want me show up without, a person, you know, with me.

Pam,

you're not the only one who's not married.

Half your friends are divorced.

At least they got a shot.

You're such a chicken shit.

Chicken shit.

[indistinct chatter]

What?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh God!

[sobbing] I just can't go without you, I just cannot.

[sniffles] Oh God!

So glad I can get rid of this asshole,

Hey Mr. fucking stuntman, you wanna keep it down?

Harder!

Look, look, Pam... I'll get my stuff later.

I'm sorry... [door slammed closed]

[sobbing quietly] It's okay.

It's okay, fuck!

[Eddie] We'll get you some food, it will calm you down.

Will be good for your stomach. Think you'll feel, uh...

I think you'll feel, a little better.

[sighs] She lied to me.

She didn't lie,

unless she specifically said, no, I didn't sleep with him.

She just didn't tell, it's a different thing.

I'm marrying a lie.

I just said that she didn't lie to you.

Come on she was just... she was just hiding something.

You know ugly I'll admit,

but Sara it's a great girl,

you know that, she probably had a good reason.

Besides the obvious.

[loud metal clank]

Oh, John!

It's sleeping dogs lie.

And Zack, I don't know what the hell to say about Zack.

Look, at least Zack told me.

Yeah, and look what good that did.

How do I know that there's not a whole bunch of things

that she isn't telling me, Eddie?

You don't.

[scoffs]

Come on, that's just sex, Johnny.

Sex?

Just sex, I mean think about all the

crazy sexual stuff you did growing up.

I mean I'm not that good, but just standard stuff.

Getting laid on the beach at night.

Getting on in the bathroom at some party, right?

Driving on the highway, getting a blow job.

Eddie!

Okay, all I'm saying...

I'm sure Sara's done that too.

Hey!

-I don't wanna hear that. -Exactly my point.

[tropical music]

[indistinct chatter]

[Tom mimics] I want all of you, to get up,

get on your feet, go over to the window and yell

I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

[Annie sighs] I'm mad as hell...

Joey, come over here and give grandma Carol some sugar.

Hi Carol.

-It's a beautiful day, today. -Uh huh.

-Sara's upstairs? -Yes, she is, Annie.

-She's upstairs. -You wanna shrimp?

Sure.

You might like it, you might.

[knocking]

-Uh, hi! -Hi.

Thank you so much for coming here,

I know this is weird for you.

I would never missed your wedding,

no matter where you chose to have it. [laughing]

-Look at you. -Oh!

Oh God! You look amazing.

Thank you.

[sighs]

[laughing]

[giggling]

Okay. [smacking]

[man moans]

Sorry Mr. pushups.

Almost broke the headboard! [laughing]

-Oh! -Excuse me.

Are you free today?

Now, again.

Try to that basket board, okay.

It's the only way.

Bing, go for it, come on, attack.

-Attack! -[Annie] Wow!

[clapping] Nice shot.

-Hi mom. -Hi babe.

Hi Joe.

-Connie! -Hi!

You can put all your stuff right here.

[Annie] He's the best. [metal clanks]

Oh I hope when I have kid, he's a great as Joey.

Are you kidding, you'll have a great kid.

Hey!

It's my gal from the shower.

Hi Connie. I hope when you have a kid,

John lives in the same house as you.

Oh Jesus Annie, don't jinx it, it's my wedding day.

Besides John's very different than my brother.

Uh, John's a grown up.

Is this some kind of a sign?

-Maybe I should-- -Diane!

Diane, lovely to see you as always.

Hey, you're a member here?

You know, I'm thinking about it.

You're so full of shit.

[laughing] Diane, have you met my buddy, John?

Hello!

Diane Porter, John Mc Higgin, who happens to

be getting married in about two hours.

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

It's nice to meet a man that's not afraid to settle down.

-Ahh, isn't it. -Congratulations.

Bye Eddie.

Bye Diane.

Did she said settling, is that what I'm doing?

Settling, is that what marriage is, am I settling with my...

brother's leftovers?

That's a little harsh, no.

Come on, you love her.

Love who, who is she, I don't even know anymore.

-Don't do this to yourself. -I mean marriage, marriage!

You know, what is marriage?

Fucking Zack!

Come on, we should go!

Yes, I understand the concept of steps, Jojo.

Because I wanted him to know that we slept together.

Today.

Because, Jojo they're getting married, that's what for.

No, she wasn't his fiancé at the time.

I wanted him, I didn't want him to feel like I lied to him.

No, she doesn't know that I told him.

Because I didn't tell her.

What, I got make amends, why Jojo?

What for, I did?

Fuck! Goddamn it.

All right, all right, I'll make amends for having made amends,

and I'll go back to step four.

[sighs] I'll try to tell her before the ceremony.

Two hours.

Francis Walters at The Times will definitely mention

the wedding in her column. It could be blurred,

it could be bigger, I want bigger.

Bigger is better.

[Joe] Attack, attack, come on.

Okay now, see this is like anything else in life.

You wanna win, you got to get passed your feet.

You got to get banged a little bit, you understand?

You see, she attacked, she won.

-Just like in the game? -You got it.

Come up, let us retire, to the trophy room.

[Joey] Thank you.

My daddy was a hunter,

and he used to say that the thrill of the game,

was standing tall,

while you're staring at the charging beast right in the eye.

Joey you're scared as hell,

your adrenaline's pumping, but you stand tall,

you aim and you fire.

Standing and holding it, it's pretty much the same.

[gasps] Maybe she's settling for me.

I mean look at Zack he's like,

the unhinged lover, you know, then there it's me,

coming up, dentist.

-What are you talking about? -Eddie!

Maybe she's settling for me because I'm the stable one,

I've always been stable.

Okay just calm yourself,

okay, you calm yourself, you guys are nuts about each other--

Answer me something, Eddie, am I the marrying type?

-Marrying type? -I am, aren't I?

Go ahead, tell me because I can take it--

Yes you're marrying type but you're marrying a great girl.

Because you're perfect together, it's perfect.

That's the problem, maybe that's it, it's too perfect.

It's perfect, everything it's perfect.

Calm down, okay.

You're talking like that time you got all stoned,

you thought the world was gonna end.

What, who you gonna call, what are you gonna say?

You slept with Zack, it's her wedding day.

It's my wedding day, Eddie!

[line ringing]

[Carol] Hello! [phone beeps off]

That woman scares me.

Me too.

You'll be okay, come on.

I'll drive, come on I'm driving.

Top down, little wind in your face.

[Tom mimics] Some men, get rabid in their blood.

Don't you ever, ever...

what we have here?

It's a failure, to communicate.

Hi Tom!

Hi Annie.

Joey is in the trophy room with your dad.

Okay.

I forgot, you're married to mimic king.

Was!

But you know, maybe I'll bang him into reality.

I figure we have to get rid of the pot, get some therapy.

Move on.

I wish you could've convinced Tom to go with you.

Oh, spilled milk, honey.

Hey, it's pyramid therapy

Because, there's a little lady that looks like she needs it.

[Sara laughs]

This goddamn wedding is mad, and I'm sick of playing

country versions of fucking endless love.

Stupid, fucking cowboy hat.

We have to make the money for the demo,

-Oh yeah. -you wear the hat.

I kind of like mine.

[jazz music]

[doors slammed closed]

Tuff!

I'm gonna see a man about a dog.

A dog?

May I have some biscuits?

[sighs]

I've done him a while.

And I always thought it'd be fun.

I'm sitting at breakfast with Tim,

and he's going on and on about about his painting,

not even a mentioning the crap he pulled last night.

[exhales] Thanks.

And I just decided I had enough.

I said that's it, it's over, I want you to just move out.

So, I called Tuff and here we are.

Tuff?

That's what he's called. [giggling]

Anyway, I'm just so relieved

to be over the marriage pressure.

No offense here, Sara.

You know how happy I am for you, but for me,

we all know how hi-strong I was about marriage and then,

something dawned on me, I'm 35,

I'm single, and it's time for me to have some fun in my life.

I think it's the new job.

Makes me feel much more powerful.

Clip on tie.

You see this is the only way to fly.

Yeah! All right!

-A couple of champions. -I'll say.

-Hey there, Joey. Hi, dad.

-Hi dad. -Son!

Johnny I just wanna say, you know,

I'm really proud of you.

-Put this thing behind you. -Thanks, Eddie.

You need to pull over, man, I need some Maalox.

Okay, we'll get you some Maalox.

We'll pull over and get you some Maalox.

But just know that I'm proud of you.

-You really... -Stop at the market.

Pull in, okay.

-You want anything else? -Just the Maalox, please.

Great, okay. [groans]

[door slammed closed]

[Caro] Oh Lord, John's parents are coming, Joe, Joe!

Get in here.

Hi there, hi.

How are you? [overlapping chatter]

-Hi honey. -Hey Joe.

[overlapping chatter]

It was a great shindig last night.

Yeah, you know, I offered to pay for it.

You didn't pay for it?

[Jazz piano music]

-Where's Zack? -Oh he's right on our heels.

We made him park his car down the street.

It's a clunker, no need to crowd up your drive--

Well he should've used the valet, I'm giving enough money.

Still if it's an eye-soar, may be the street.

[engine revs]

-Hi there, Zack. -Zack!

It's good you came, Zack.

It's one thing for him to miss his parents

thirty-fifth wedding anniversary.

Excuse me, where's Sara?

She's getting ready but you know you're not allowed to see her,

-before the wedding. -There's no way, hu?

I really need to talk to her.

Why, Zack?

I don't know, you know.

You always were a strange one, Zack.

How could two brothers ended up so different?

Oh luck of the dry.

So, I'm glad you came Zack.

Now, where is that husband to be?

[fast jazz music]

[phone keys tapping]

[sighs deeply]

[cell phone ringing]

-Yeah -Yes!

Uh, what are doing?

-I can't do it. -What?

I'm not going Eddie.

What you mean, you're not going?

-I'm not going -What you mean you not going?

You know this isn't some high school algebra test,

you can skip and take tomorrow or something.

What? Eddie listen,

don't you see this is a sign,

or some kind of a sign,

maybe I shouldn't be getting married today.

You've got 100 people waiting for you at the house right now.

Once you say I do, there's no going back.

Okay, John, let's calm down.

Let's take a breath, calm down.

You gonna drive back here, you gonna pick me up,

we gonna have a little Maalox,

and we gonna go get married.

Nah, I can't do it, Eddie, I can't do it.

[metal clanks] [sighs]

[coin drops]

Got a quarter, you got a--

Do you have a quarter, please?

This reminds me of my current urinary track.

[Tuff laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

Hi y'all.

This is Rey and Cindy Mc Kinsey they're old friends from home.

This is Sue and William Mc Higgin,

they're the parents of the groom.

Yeah! Oh mom.

-You practice? -Yeah I have, you know, I will.

But...

-Have or will. -I just have a little lithium...

Frances Walter, don't you look like a movie star today?

Thank you dear, I hate to tell you this but,

I can't stay long after the ceremony.

Two more parties today and I still have to finish

-tomorrow's column-- -Shh! Come on here.

[Carol] excuse us please.

Come on out here and sit. Lynn!

I want you to meet Frances Walters,

she writes for the Los Angeles Times.

Why don't you enjoy each other for just a minute,

I'll be right back.

Where the hell is John, he's supposed to be greeting people!

-Honey it's all right. -No, it's not all right.!

[Annie sighs] Oh you look beautiful.

[sighs] It's really right about now,

I really wish I hadn't quit smoking.

The guests are arriving and John's not here yet.

-Not? -No!

I wonder where he is.

[suspenseful music]

So, the cop said that...

because it was such a blatant hit and run,

Johnny was the only witness.

[stammers] He had to go to the station, now,

you know, while is all fresh in his head.

and talk to the court' stenographer.

And that, you know how big of a heart Johnny guy is, right?

So, he didn't wanna see the poor old guy getting stiff

by the, guy in the road, so he went.

He believes in help his fellow man in this time of need.

No, this is not going to happen.

-This is not going to happen. -Steady, dear.

How long is this gonna take?

I'm not going to be humiliated, my daughter.

My daughter is not going to be humiliated.

Mom, I'm not humiliated, you need to calm down.

Okay! I'm glad he's helping the guy who got hit.

That's what I would want him to do.

Now I'm just gonna go and tell everybody

that we're gonna be a little delayed.

Sara, you not gonna go, no.

No Sara, please now let me tell them.

The bride's not supposed to be seen by the guests

before the wedding ceremony.

Please, help me now! Be helpful!

Things are falling apart here.

-Mom, I'm gonna go. -Sara, please!

-Please. -Alright, I won't, you go ahead.

[Carol whispers] Okay.

Anybody seen Zack?

[footsteps approaching]

Eddie,

is there some reason why Johnny didn't call me to let me know,

-he's gonna be late? -Yes, Sara, Sara...

You know the bride and the groom are not supposed to talk,

to each other before the ceremony.

No, no they're not to see each other, not talk to each other.

Besides, I would think that today would be considered,

I don't know, maybe a special circumstance.

-Yeah, it's okay. -Eddie?

Call John.

[stammers]

He's at the precinct.

-What precinct? -Downtown.

I think, have you seen Zack?

-Zack? -Yeah.

-Eddie, call John. -Okay!

Okay, I'll try, I'll try.

It seems that John, our groom,

[giggles]

is running a tiny little bit late.

Because of some unfortunate event.

He witnessed a terrible accident.

And he has generously offered his testimony.

To the uh... a court's, stenographer.

[indistinct chatter]

[band] Folks it seems like we have a little bit of delay here,

but I think everything's gonna be all right.

Sara, this one's for you.

[country music]

This is odd.

Just be calm.

[cigarette lighter flickers]

[Annie] How are you? -Yeah? I'm fine.

So there's no reason for a cigarette.

You quit smoking, I haven't completely quit yet.

Shit!

[sighs]

If this has happened to you, you would've wanted him to call,

-right? -Yeah!

He should' d called.

A bastard, what a bastard!

We're taking a different approach.

-Pam! -A woman's wedding day,

is the biggest day of her life and he's helping out a stranger.

Talk about a chicken shit.

I don't think that's helping.

I can't believe how calm you are, Sara.

I'm gonna be fine, I just gonna sit here a minute,

and take a breath.

Kick his nuts if that chicken shit leaves me at the altar.

Pam, he didn't leave me at the altar.

Don't you have a cowboy to go look after?

[indistinct chatter]

[laughing]

[dramatic music]

Fucking Zack!

I got one for you.

[mimicking Sean Connery]

-Yeah, who's that? -That's Sean Connery.

Hunt for red October, yeah.

-You need to talk to him. -Who is he?

Mario Furtensky, he's the guy who runs a...

Why haven't you done local stand up, like you used to?

I've been busy with the whole real estate thing.

Real estate things, isn't the market flat?

[indistinct chatter]

-You know Bruce Dern? -Sure Bruce Dern, the actor.

Nicholson stole my whole act.

[mimicking Bruce Dern]

[mimicking continues]

That's right fellows, it's all about risks.

Take some and maybe you'll be worth a shit.

You don't, you're just another sack.

I'm talking greatness here, it's all about greatness.

I broke my back.

During one of the greatest stunts this town will ever see.

It's all raw and shit.

See that?

Pulled it all to shit.

But it doesn't matter,

Last wedding day, kind of bug me off.

-Hey. -Ha, how you doing?

-You feeling okay? -Yeah, pretty good.

Yes, you a...

You wanna tell me why you told Johnny you're little secret.

Oh man, he told you?

Yeah, he told me.

-I had to, step nine means-- -Step nine?

Who gives a shit about step nine?

I had to make amends, I had to be honest.

-The day of his wedding. -I admit, that was a mistake.

My sponsor said so too.

Yeah, I say so.

Okay, I gotta to talk to Sara.

What do you mean you'll talk to Sara?

-She doesn't know. -She doesn't know you told him.

Yeah, she's doesn't know that either.

What you mean either?

Look Eddie, that's why I should be talking to Sara

about this and not you.

Jojo said that was my first mistake, talking to John first.

[laughs] Look!

You wanna fix your mistake, you wanna clean up this mess,

do the right thing? You do, right.

Call John, it's easy,

tell him you full of shit! Okay, but get him here.

Because we need him.

I can't, rigorous honesty.

Jojo said I gotta make amends

-for my amend, she's gotta know. -Forget Sara!

Okay, okay?

Rigorously honestly, here's some honesty for you.

Honestly, we need him here, right?

Okay, just call him, tell him you were lying.

Do the right thing.

Hit re-dial,

get him here.

Is the right thing.

I didn't get to where I was by being a fool, son.

-Sir? [Joe chuckles]

It was no hit and run, was it?

[Eddie clears throat]

No, it wasn't.

So what the hell happened?

Well, on the way over,

John was driving, we did get stopped by a cop.

For running a red light, the cop was a real prick.

Excuse my language.

Anyway, apparently last year

Zack was out here, he was driving Johnny's car,

he got a couple of speeding tickets, and he never paid them.

Cut to the chase, son.

There was a warrant for Johnny's arrest, because of this thing.

Cop didn't care, wedding, no wedding,

he didn't give a shit, he held him in.

Kiss his buddy's ass.

Kiss his buddy's ass.

[door slammed closed]

[indistinct chatter]

[vendor] You want relish with that?

It's okay, I think I have it under control.

My lawyer is down there.

Handling it, getting him out.

He should be here very shortly.

-What's the guy's name? -Rosen.

-Allen Rosen. -Rosen, yeah.

Sounds familiar, is he Jewish?

-Yeah. -Good, they make good lawyers.

He's very discreet, no one will know.

And I thought it was best to do it this way,

you know, the court stenographer,

the hit and run, as oppose to say,

-[whispers] the groom in jail. -Right.

Okay, I know,

unorthodox, but I hope you approve.

-Yeah, I think I do. -Good.

You know Pamela, if I may, is looking lovely.

-Thanks. -And that's...

This better not be bullshit, son.

[soft jazz music]

We always said,

no matter what,

we were most important.

I am sure that is still true.

Well I have to admit, for him not to be here today

you know, and I want him to be a good citizen but,

shit not today!

He's coming right, he'll be here soon?

Of course he will.

Hey, remember my wedding,

it went out perfect, right, no troubles, perfectly.

Well look how the marriage turned out.

What?

-Any word? -No.

The stunt is starting to come on to me.

[giggles] What you're thinking?

That you invited him to your sister's wedding last second

and you are vulnerable.

Maybe I'm not supposed to get married.

Of course you are.

Okay, let's go downstairs, get some champagne

and stop thinking about this for five minutes.

Good idea,

Come on! Come on!

Get you a snack.

Sara, dear.

You know it's customary that the bride not be seen

before the ceremony.

Please go back upstairs.

It's also customary for the groom to show up on time,

so let's keep the BS to a minimum.

Sara!

But everybody will see your dress.

-It's okay, Melanie. -Big no, no.

Really, the bride shouldn't--

I know, it's okay, everything's fine.

Look at you for Christ sakes.

Are you kidding me, if she's lying to you now...

Think she's not gonna lie after you're married?

Forget about it.

She's out there Whacking your brother, whacking your brother.

She tricked you, man.

I'm telling you she got your balls in a Gucci bag.

She'll let them out when she wants you to play.

No way man, bag her, bag her like groceries.

And on your wedding day, you rule, man.

I'd liked to be a lot of other people, pal,

I don't think I wanna be you.

Weddings never go as planned, Sara.

At mine half the people went to the wrong church.

At mine Jimmy was so drunk, he belly-danced.

It's part of the host's job to allow for mishaps.

Mishaps?

[phone line ringing]

[scoffs]

[cell phone ringing]

Why, why couldn't you keep your big mouth shut?

And John would be here, and I wouldn't be going around

like squirrel on fire.

Honestly, I had to tell John the truth.

I'm getting myself pretty tangled up and rise.

-Shit feeling. -Yeah

Yeah, shit feeling.

That's why I had to tell him.

Right.

Okay. [sighs]

When you got a girlfriend

you can get all the chicks you want when you're done..

you don't have chance in hell.

Yeah, it's joining an union.

It's like joining an union.

Exactly, like a snatch 22!

[laughing]

Dear, how you feeling?

I'll tell you what.

You just pretend like nothing's wrong.

What's the scoop with you and Annie, is it over?

[mimicking]

That's Dustin Hoffman, Kramer vs. Kramer.

I thought it sounded more like litter Ricky to me.

Then as soon as you got that ring on your finger,

you kick him in the nuts just to show him who's boss.

Then you straight to Tiffani's.

[laughing loudly]

-Eddie. -Hi Sara.

I thought you were trying to find John.

I have been trying.

He's a witness, he's not listed in any of the precincts.

But you're not trying.

You just, you just standing there.

You're just laughing, my God!

[Carol] Excuse me! Sara, dear.

-Are you all right? -No!

No mom, I'm not all right, you know.

Not John's not here, we don't know where he is.

[Sara stammers]

Could you just...

excuse us for a minute, Melanie?

I'll go get you one of my Xanax.

My car phone.

He has my car.

He has my car, we can call him on my car phone.

Can't believe I didn't think of that.

So, let's call.

[soft jazz music]

[soft jazz music]

Carol, I hate to be rude, but it's getting late

and I do have to finish tomorrow's column.

I know, of course you do, Frances.

Could you just wait a little longer, though, won't you?

I mean, I'm sure I'm gonna find out what's going on here.

Okay.

Excuse me. Mother?

Is everything all right?

[crowd laughing]

What?

I think you better go make that call.

[Eddie scoffs]

What's the number?

You never call you own number, so you actually

don't know your own number. [phone ringing]

-Hello? -Joe?

No, but I can get him for you.

Could you please, it's George Bush calling,

wanted to congratulate the newly-weds.

[Sara, sighs] Mr. Bush!

Mr. Bush, yes.

-One second, sir. - Thankyou.

Hello, George!

Carol, nice to speak to you.

It's nice to speak with you, Mr. President.

Yes well, I just wanted to take a minute and

call and tell you how doggone sorry Barb and I are

that we couldn't make it to the wedding.

We've been so busy helping the boy out with his...

Presidential duties.

Oh, listen, that's all right.

It's lovely to hear from you, it's been so long.

Couldn't agree more. Too long.

Well, maybe next time we'll get out west...

Oh that would be lovely.

Yes it would. [wrecking noise]

Hello, just a little turbulence on the plane up here.

-Nothing to worry about. -Well we don't want to keep you.

Everybody enjoy themselves,

then don't forget to vote for George Jr. next time around.

-You know we will. -Bye, bye now.

Bye, George.

[indistinct chatter]

I didn't know you knew President Bush.

Barbara and I serve at a fund raiser committee years ago.

I didn't think it was necessary to tell about our little delay.

[sighs] [footsteps approaching]

You see, I told her I can't do Bush.

[mimicking Bush]

Don't you ever get tired of being the performing monkey,

Tom?

So the market's been unbelievable.

You must be making a fortune.

Actually, I'm getting my ass handed to me.

Touché.

Every stock I pick, is like I'm jinxed to

have my clients jumping ship, I got my balls in my ass.

But it's incredible, my clients are making a fortune.

-Oh, I'm sorry Pam-- -How could you let John do this?

[woman] Come on!

[Pearl cheers]

I'm witness, a handsome man in a tuxedo.

So, where's the bride?

Uh, she's not here.

I know she's not here,

you're alone, on a beach with me.

[giggles]

Cold feet, huh?

No!

So why you're here?

Just to sort things out, you know, take a moment to myself.

Want me to do that bowtie up for you?

-I'm real good at it. [scoffs]

No, thanks.

Oh, I used to do Sam's ties all the time for him.

Sam.

He was scared of getting married too.

I'm not scared.

Hum!

I always wondered why marriage scares people so.

I really don't think it's a black or white issue.

I meant young people.

Oh, you're too much.

Marriage, me, you're kidding?

Fuck!

Hey, another Shirley Temple?

Give me a beer.

Don't open it.

Why this is happening, Johnny?

Where are you?

We made this decision together.

Did I make a mistake?

Oh, oh.

-Not now, okay?. -Eddie this is important,

Five minutes, please, please?

Joey, you gonna ride bulls,

you gotta protect your nuts.

Just before you get on, you have pull them up.

Nuts on each side, man in the middle.

-Okay? -Words to live by, kid.

Woman will try to smash them, or just chip away.

Protect them.

Having fun with these guys, Joey?

Yeah.

Why we get you something to eat, okay?

Okay.

[whispers] Hey, protect your nuts.

I'll try everything. [laughing]

[man] Johnny, he's got me waiting in a movie.

Tommy come on, we need the Godfather, come do godfather.

Tommy, what are you doing, come on!

[Annie sighs]

[mimicking]

[mimicking continues]

Keeping yourself, busy?

[giggling]

Yeah, pretty good folks around here.

It was nice, you talking to Joey like that.

Oh yeah, don't let it fool you.

You're running a little low there.

We better fill you up.

-Excuse me there. -Okay.

-See you. -[Tuff sings]

[mimicking]

[indistinct]

mimicking continues]

[scoffing]

Oh, Jack Lemmon.

[mimicking Jack Lemmon]

Henry Fonda, uh. [mimicking Henry Fonda]

Oh yeah, I got George C. Scott, this my best imitation.

[imitating George C. Scott]

[coughing]

[coughing continues]

You should get a drink.

-He's a big man, about you-- -It's private.

Do we know where Johnny is, people are getting restless.

This is ridiculous, we should've at least heard from him now.

I'm on it, dear.

Excuse me.

It was the best thing I ever did.

-Really? -Fifty wonderful years.

-You have a good marriage? -Yeah, well had.

Sam's gone.

He's probably up there, right now making God laugh.

Funniest man I ever met.

-We laugh all the time. -Good!

Not all the time, not today.

[John sighs]

[waves crashing]

If you ask me,

either you love her, or you don't.

Don't go making yourself crazy.

Hum, yeah.

You love her?

-Yeah, I love her. -You know that?

-You know that, you sure? -Yes, I know.

Well, stand up then.

-Why? -Stand up.

You know,

there are 100 reasons not to do something,

all you need is one to do it.

Life's short.

Please, listen to what I tell you.

-Hey, what's your name. -My name is Pearl.

Come on, Booboo.

I don't give a shit.

I am smart, and very successful.

I'm in great shape, feel up here.

[indistinct]

I'm great in the sack.

What's that last one?

My daughter said she's great in the sack.

Chip off the old block.

-You must be very proud. -Joe Kendrick.

-Tuff Howard. -Pleasure to meet you, Tuff.

Have you seen Eddie?

Bob cat the sack, is she?

You Bob cat the sack?

That's what they tell me.

Zack, Zack, have you seen Eddie?

Someone made a mess of your house.

Foundation coat is slopped on,

there's a fault running all the way up there,

and there, and there.

It's pretty, but it's not sound.

Structurally.

I paid 15,000 to paint this place.

When?

Another swing at the juice, my friend.

Do you need it?

Annie, I didn't see you, kind of there.

What's wrong with your voice?

I was doing some impressions before, I blew it out.

I was doing bad, I'm gonna be loud.

-Okay Tom, I got it. -You got it.

-We need to talk. Joey. -About what?

Something wrong?

Yes, something's wrong.

Have you talk to him, at all, today?

Yeah, I talked to him earlier.

He wanted to go and play with one of his friends.

Talked to him earlier, as whom, Patton or Jerry Lewis?

-I do others-- -Okay, Tom?

It's one thing that you exhausted me with it,

I'm an adult, I can live. He's your son.

There's nowhere for him to go.

I talk to him, I talk to him.

Not enough.

Not enough, you know what he said to me this morning?

That he didn't know what to say to you.

Because you don't talk to him like a father.

You're more like a, circus clown.

Circus clown?

Is that what he said, he said I'm a circus clown.

No, that's what I said.

You said I'm a circus clown?

-You said that. -I said that.

You're turning the boy against me.

-Tom? -I'm going to stab you.

Okay.

-Will you talk to him? -I'll talk to him.

Go talk to him.

Where do I get some tea?

Make it strong.

Nine o'clock tonight I'll give a hair weave.

Hi, fuck!

Okay, I have to go now.

Later on, okay bye.

[loud thud]

-Hey. -Hey.

What you're doing?

[moaning]

I just don't get it, Coney.

I mean a beautiful gal, like yourself.

Without a boyfriend, huh?

Doesn't make any sense to me.

Well, I think it should.

Considering the fact that we like the same thing.

In a woman.

[laughing]

-Hey, hey. -Ho, ho!

I need an answer.

I need an answer, now.

Okay.

Okay.

[cell phone ringing]

-Talk to me. -John?

Everything's great, man.

Tell them not to worry I am on my way.

You shitting me...

He's on his way!

Everything's great, he's on his way!

[both cheering]

All right, I'll see you.

I'll tell mama.

Oh man, fucking Christ.

Of course I forgive her, I love her.

I love, her.

My schedule doesn't really allow for delays like this.

I understand Frances.

Honey, I just talked to John, he's on his way,

he'll be here any minute.

So Frances what do you say, you've been with us this far.

Sara, I just talk to John.

-And? -He's on his way.

You know honey, someday you gonna grow up again.

And you're not gonna be my baby girl anymore.

Oh daddy, I think that day it's today.

-Humor me. -I have been.

Sara, wait.

Hey, Zack, how are you?

[stammers] There's something I need to tell you.

Okay, but can it wait, John's on his way and gotta find this

my speech now that I'm actually gonna say it.

I'm getting married.

[screams] I'm gonna get married.

Come on!

[Carol knocks]

Sara!

-Mama. -Can I come in?

[Carol whimpers]

You're so beautiful.

Oh mama, come sit down with me.

I'm the one supposed to cry.

I know it. Come on, you gonna ruin

your make up.

What the hell's the matter with you?

[both sigh]

[Zacks sighs]

My Sara,

happily ever after, after all.

[both sob]

[engine starts]

[scoffs]

[groans]

Won't be long now.

-She's ready. -Cool.

So what happened to your old stiff there,

old Picasso, he ran out of paint?

What do you mean?

[clicks her tongue] Don't...

No, no, no.

You know what I mean, I live next door.

-I pick up on things. -Well, I pick up on things too.

Let's get you something a little stronger.

Something to put a curl on that tail.

Bartender! Can you get this lady a double whiskey, please.

-How about a tour of this casa? -Okay.

[Joey sighs]

-Hey! -Hi.

-How you doing? -I'm good.

Enjoying the wedding?

[Tom] Joey!

[Joey giggles]

See, I made you laugh, I made you laugh.

Okay, I'll take it off.

You don't like when I make you laugh?

Not really.

What would I do instead?

Be the way you are.

That'll be good enough for me.

Hey there.

[singing] You with the stars in your eyes.

Oh, hardly,

Why?

Come on, John's on his way, we're having a wedding.

Beautiful woman such as yourself should be smiling.

Save it Eddie, I'm not very good at flirting.

Oh come on, I want you to, it's easy, piece of cake.

I bet, that's what you do?

You flirt with everybody hoping something will pen out?

-Yeah, why not? More or less. -[Annie laughs]

Come on we'll do it now, it's very simple.

Let's begin!

Hello, Annie beautiful gown.

You know a beautiful woman as yourself should a...

should allow herself to be wined and dined, spoil herself.

Say goodbye to the single-mother lifestyle.

Perhaps a romantic jaunt to Big Sur, perhaps.

With the, shall we say a fellow who could handle a woman's

-passionate as yourself. -[scoffs] Okay.

That was good though.

-Yeah, you can stop there. -Yeah?

-How am I doing? -You did well. [laughing]

You're leaving.

Excuse me. [Pam giggles]

[soft music]

[panting]

[knocking at the door] [Zack] Sara!

Can I come in?

Zack!

-John. -Hi Mr. Kendrick

-Catch your breath -Yes, Sir.

-It's about goddamn time. -Sir, I can explain.

It's all right, Eddie told me what really happened.

-He did? -Oh yeah.

Well he told the girls some made up story about

a hit and run and told me the real McCoy.

All brothers sometimes are a real pain in the ass.

You know I'm in the program now?

Aha.

I got my 120-day chip.

I think I can explain, I need to speak with Sara.

Oh no, you better hold on to your horses boy,

there's no need to be in a rush.

-I gotta make amends. -That's great,

Why are you holding a beer?

-If I can just speak to Sara. -She's fine, she's upstairs.

You can't see her, not yet.

[sighing heavily]

Sara.

Zack.

You know I wanna be there for you.

You think we can talk about this after the wedding, okay?

Do me a favor, don't take a drink, can you do that, Zack

-Yeah. -Okay.

[quite thump]

Zack, what is it?

It started out today, trying make amends to John.

[Joe] Look who's here!

[indistinct chatter] [people cheering]

[Sue] John thank goodness.

Oh I know you'd be fine but we were still so worried.

-What day to go to courts. -Mom, dad really I can't talk...

All right, everyone. We're having ourselves a wedding.

Maybe have another drink.

It didn't even occurred to me tell you about this before,

[stammers] I talk to him.

Just give me a second.

-John! -Sara.

I'll be right down.

While I was trying to come clean with John...

Who you're talking to?

[Zack] I was breaking in our pact.

What are you talking about, Zack?

I told John.

-You told John what? -You know.

-[Zack exhales] -Oh no you didn't.

-Yes, I told John. -[John] Sara,

who you're talking to?

-Zack? -Oh Jesus, Zack!

Zack, what the hell are you doing up there?

I thought he said Zack.

Hey Sara, great news John's on his way--

Stay out of my way, Eddie!

Oh, oh, hit and run, you two are such bullshitters.

Yeah, I rather be a bullshitter that a liar.

Can we please not discuss this here?

[scoffs]

Boy she's mad and she has the right to be.

John, I am so sorry.

I'm so sorry you had to find out like this.

Of course he had to go to the court today, he had to.

But everything will be fine,

I thought you said everything was great.

I guess that would dispel any notion that

it might not be true.

It's true.

[soft music]

shit.

Okay, okay.

Well, shit!

Five minutes ago I thought

you know, I'll get pass this, now I feel a little sick.

John, it's horrible things to find out today.

Kind of a horrible thing to find out any day.

It was wrong with me not to tell you.

So, it wasn't wrong that you...

You see just a little chat, just a little chat.

Wasn't wrong that you did it?

No.

With my brother?

Don't you think I wished it wasn't your damned brother?

How was I to know?

You can't hold me accountable for that.

John, I wanted to tell you

-a thousand times, believe me, -But you didn't.

-Sara you didn't, I heard this-- -I'm sorry,

you had to hear it from Zack.

But when I finally met Zack, you know

-as your brother. -When was that, when?

It was last year, Thanksgiving at your parent's house.

-Warm, nice. -I froze!

I didn't know what to do and I froze.

Wanna fill me in on the details?

-Oh sweetie, not that. -Not that.

At the house, something must've occurred between you two, right?

Yeah, we just...

We told each other we never met, end of conversation.

-That's convenient. -No, it wasn't.

convenient, it was the most inconvenient time of my life.

What's happening?

There just...

Paula, you hair.

I knew how tenuous your relationship was, I panicked.

Oh, so all this was to protect me and Zack, is that what--

at first and then you know.

Me and Zack and you and me and you and me and Zack and...

[breathing heavily]

I thought you couldn't handle the mess of it all.

Don't you go blaming me for not been able to handle a mess

you have no idea what I can handle.

You decided on something and wrapped it up.

That just doesn't seem right, I didn't even get a chance, Sara.

You know.

Just it makes me wonder,

what else are you keeping from me, what else are you hiding.

-What else can't I handle? -John please.

-What? -Nothing, I'm keeping nothing.

-How do I know that?

-How do I know it? [scoffs]

I thought you wanted to get married.

Yeah.

-But to who, do I? -Oh you know who.

I should hope so you're the one who ask me to get married.

-That was before-- -So I had sex with Zack!

-[whimpers] -Who that hell is Zack?

Me!

We're not talking about an affair, John.

-It happened before we met. -I know.

-I know. -Me sleeping with Zack

doesn't change who I am, it makes things messier.

Look.

How can I explain this,

we've all done things we're not proud of, John.

I've gotten drunk and threw all over myself.

I even stole pantyhose from Thrifty's at two in morning.

I remember that, you took them right out of the egg--

-Shut up, Zack. -Yeah.

[Annie] We should just go inside.

How can I get you to understand?

It was a moment.

This is crazy,

you can't go confusing this because all of the sudden

we've been turned into brother land.

It was one insignificant moment, in my life.

-Sorry, Zack. -Whatever.

I was trying so hard to hold all this together,

I was afraid to tell you.

I was afraid you'd leave.

And that it's sad to me.

We're not all perfect, John, I am not perfect.

Zack's not perfect.

You can say that again... [beer pops open]

Zack, what are you doing?

What's the difference, I'm sober or not?

I still manage to fuck everything up.

-Zack, put it down. -What does it matter?

It matters because you're trying, Zack.

And that makes all the difference,

now put the beer down.

You didn't fuck everything up, all right.

-Zack, you came in and made a-- -A mess.

She's right, that's what I did. I came here trying

to make amends and I just ended up making a mess, I'm a mess.

You know what, I think we needed this, I'm glad this happened,

-just put the beer down. -Shit!

Stop! Zack, wait, so wait, Sara,

I got it.

I got it, I know why this feels so shitty to me now.

We all get why this feels like shit, John, I slept with Sara.

Try to never, ever say that again, Zack.

That's not it, I got it.

I know why you were attracted to him, Zack.

You saw in Zack

what I see in Zack, the mess.

Right?

Zack is a beautiful fucking mess, and I am not.

That's why this is making me so crazy

because I thought you'd be attracted to Zack.

I mean I understand what Zack has

I understand what Zack has, and I want you.

It's 120 days, man.

Hundred and twenty-one days tomorrow, it's a lot of days.

It's a lot of days, step nine.

Step four, really.

-I missed you so much. -I missed you too.

[soft jazz music]

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, today has shaped up rather nicely.

It's good to hear, maybe you can help me.

You know I have this little fund.

-Oh yeah. -I know you run this,

big money pension fund now and,

I was thinking you know,

marriage and great friends-- -Eddie,

don't squirm, just call my office, okay.

[sighs]

I did it.

[crowd cheering]

[Pam whooping]

[crowd applauding]

[jazz music]

[crowd cheers]